*sits up from banging forehead against desk*
I miss My Obsession.
It's been a week to the day since we said goodbye and I still miss him as much now as I did last week. What the...?
The voices in my head are not happy with me at all. Aye!
I keep trying to rationalize these thoughts away. This is, afterall, my busy time of the year. I'll be swamped until at least May. I really have no time to dedicate to My Obsession anyway.
I miss My Obsession anyway.
I've got so much work to do. Not to mention my friends seem to really want to hang out at each other's homes and cook and laugh and just exhale.
I still miss My Obsession.
My family has DRAMA! I keep waiting to see the news trucks outside my niece's home. I really need to focus on family. Really. I do.
I. MISS. MY. OBSESSION.
Ugh!
I'm gonna go bang my head against a wall now.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Curiously venting...
Ok, just venting for a second here.
A little something something about me. I believe in ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’
No, people don’t always treat me this way but I ain’t living for them. *shrug* I sleep pretty well and I know what goes around comes around. And, I have been BLESSED! Wish I knew how to put sparkles around that last word.
So, since I have no children to prepare for on Christmas, I have always volunteered to be the person or one of the persons holding down the fort, so to speak, on Christmas Eve at all my jobs.
This year was no different.
First of December, my boss went around doing a check on who would be working on Christmas Eve. Now, the employer I currently have closes half day every Christmas Eve. It’s part of our holiday schedule. So it really is no hardship to work on Christmas Eve in my present job. There are one or two departments that work the whole day because of the work they do. The employees in those departments just take that half day at another time at their discretion.
Hoe-kay!
Every single one of my co-workers had Christmas Eve stuff to do. People were traveling, people were entertaining, people were being entertained, etc. So, my boss was about to tell the newest employee that he would be there Christmas Eve alone. I was coming around the corner on the way back to my office when she was talking to him. So I piped in that I’d be happy to come in. It just makes sense really because I can do everything from review contracts, submit modifications, do preliminary budgets, cost transfers, capital asset purchases, etc.
The new guy is a financial analyst (FA) and for obvious reasons there is a limit on the things they can do in my company.
My boss thanked me for volunteering to come in and let the new guy off the hook.
So for weeks everyone was happily chatting away about their holiday plans. My family gets together on Christmas Eve but not until the evening.
My boss’ last day was Tuesday and everyone still had their plans in place. I would be the only person working on Thursday 12/24/09.
Then Wednesday morning dawned. Suddenly people were changing their plans. Now, I don’t particularly care that people decided to work on Wednesday. Not at all. What got me is that had they spoken up on Tuesday then I could have asked my boss for Thursday off. Since both my boss and her second in command were off there was no one to approve my request.
Wednesday night you could have fried an egg on my forehead I was so mad. I mean, my boss is great. Tuesday afternoon she went around checking to be sure everyone’s plans including mine hadn’t changed because she knew she would not be in Wednesday or Thursday. Everyone piped in they still had plans!
Then Wednesday people started changing their minds. *truly evil side eye all the way around*
Thursday morning comes. I tell myself I am blessed just to have a job and bounce into work as usual. But…there are only 3 of us there. *blink blink* Of the 3 of us, only two of us are really working. I always got stuff to do. I need an administrative assistant to help me but in these lean times it’s just not in the budget. So I do it all which keeps me busy and mostly out of trouble. Mostly.
So around 11 am, I look up and one of the people who said they were coming in strolls in. Again *blink blink*. No, 11 am isn't anyone's normal time to show up for work.
I am just curious. If your employer says you can leave between 12:00-1:00 pm, what was the point in showing up at 11:00 am and then telling everyone you’ll be working until 5-7 pm? Doing what exactly cuz when I say everything and everyone shuts down that’s exactly what I mean. I mean the computer system is up but after you do a cost transfer, etc, there are no bosses there to approve them. And even if you called my boss at home and she signed into her computer from home and approved your work, there’s no one in purchasing, HR, accounts payables/receivables, etc to process it.
Yeah…what was that all about?
Me and my other coworker, who was actually working, just kind of gave each other a wise side eye on the sly and went back to work. I had almost 300 emails in my inbox and I was trying to get them down to 200 by noon and I didn’t have time for those trying to get over.
Why do people try to get over in such small insignificant ways? I mean really, you are trying to cheat your employer out of half a day’s pay? Why? What exactly is the victory in that?
I know people who say they do it. They seem happy about it. The one person who tells me that they do it a lot, TPL, is always at the whim of his cell becuz he never knows when someone is calling to check up on him and he has to rush back to the job. *smh*
I am at my job during the hours that I agreed upon. When I leave work I am under no obligation to answer my phone after I leave. I can walk away from work and leave work there. I don’t have to worry about getting caught. Good grief! I get 4 weeks vacation and 12 sick days/year. TPL gets 6 WEEKS VACATION and 12 sick days/year. What is the point of sneaking time off?
And he ain’t the only one. He is just one of the ones bragging about it to me. *shrug*
Nothing to brag about as far as I am concerned. If you are so smart that you can get over in these small little insignificant ways on your employer then why don’t you put your considerable smarts to good use? Why not figure out how to build a better rat trap? This is Bmore, baby, we got rats!
Why not invent the next modern marvel? The super computer that will stop all computer viruses in their tracks? Improve the internet? Cure cancer? Invent a way to fix the holes in the ozone layer? Why not write that Pulitzer Prize winning novel? World peace, anyone? I mean…since you so smart and all.
*sighing and smh chuckling* Okay. I am finished venting for the moment.
A little something something about me. I believe in ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’
No, people don’t always treat me this way but I ain’t living for them. *shrug* I sleep pretty well and I know what goes around comes around. And, I have been BLESSED! Wish I knew how to put sparkles around that last word.
So, since I have no children to prepare for on Christmas, I have always volunteered to be the person or one of the persons holding down the fort, so to speak, on Christmas Eve at all my jobs.
This year was no different.
First of December, my boss went around doing a check on who would be working on Christmas Eve. Now, the employer I currently have closes half day every Christmas Eve. It’s part of our holiday schedule. So it really is no hardship to work on Christmas Eve in my present job. There are one or two departments that work the whole day because of the work they do. The employees in those departments just take that half day at another time at their discretion.
Hoe-kay!
Every single one of my co-workers had Christmas Eve stuff to do. People were traveling, people were entertaining, people were being entertained, etc. So, my boss was about to tell the newest employee that he would be there Christmas Eve alone. I was coming around the corner on the way back to my office when she was talking to him. So I piped in that I’d be happy to come in. It just makes sense really because I can do everything from review contracts, submit modifications, do preliminary budgets, cost transfers, capital asset purchases, etc.
The new guy is a financial analyst (FA) and for obvious reasons there is a limit on the things they can do in my company.
My boss thanked me for volunteering to come in and let the new guy off the hook.
So for weeks everyone was happily chatting away about their holiday plans. My family gets together on Christmas Eve but not until the evening.
My boss’ last day was Tuesday and everyone still had their plans in place. I would be the only person working on Thursday 12/24/09.
Then Wednesday morning dawned. Suddenly people were changing their plans. Now, I don’t particularly care that people decided to work on Wednesday. Not at all. What got me is that had they spoken up on Tuesday then I could have asked my boss for Thursday off. Since both my boss and her second in command were off there was no one to approve my request.
Wednesday night you could have fried an egg on my forehead I was so mad. I mean, my boss is great. Tuesday afternoon she went around checking to be sure everyone’s plans including mine hadn’t changed because she knew she would not be in Wednesday or Thursday. Everyone piped in they still had plans!
Then Wednesday people started changing their minds. *truly evil side eye all the way around*
Thursday morning comes. I tell myself I am blessed just to have a job and bounce into work as usual. But…there are only 3 of us there. *blink blink* Of the 3 of us, only two of us are really working. I always got stuff to do. I need an administrative assistant to help me but in these lean times it’s just not in the budget. So I do it all which keeps me busy and mostly out of trouble. Mostly.
So around 11 am, I look up and one of the people who said they were coming in strolls in. Again *blink blink*. No, 11 am isn't anyone's normal time to show up for work.
I am just curious. If your employer says you can leave between 12:00-1:00 pm, what was the point in showing up at 11:00 am and then telling everyone you’ll be working until 5-7 pm? Doing what exactly cuz when I say everything and everyone shuts down that’s exactly what I mean. I mean the computer system is up but after you do a cost transfer, etc, there are no bosses there to approve them. And even if you called my boss at home and she signed into her computer from home and approved your work, there’s no one in purchasing, HR, accounts payables/receivables, etc to process it.
Yeah…what was that all about?
Me and my other coworker, who was actually working, just kind of gave each other a wise side eye on the sly and went back to work. I had almost 300 emails in my inbox and I was trying to get them down to 200 by noon and I didn’t have time for those trying to get over.
Why do people try to get over in such small insignificant ways? I mean really, you are trying to cheat your employer out of half a day’s pay? Why? What exactly is the victory in that?
I know people who say they do it. They seem happy about it. The one person who tells me that they do it a lot, TPL, is always at the whim of his cell becuz he never knows when someone is calling to check up on him and he has to rush back to the job. *smh*
I am at my job during the hours that I agreed upon. When I leave work I am under no obligation to answer my phone after I leave. I can walk away from work and leave work there. I don’t have to worry about getting caught. Good grief! I get 4 weeks vacation and 12 sick days/year. TPL gets 6 WEEKS VACATION and 12 sick days/year. What is the point of sneaking time off?
And he ain’t the only one. He is just one of the ones bragging about it to me. *shrug*
Nothing to brag about as far as I am concerned. If you are so smart that you can get over in these small little insignificant ways on your employer then why don’t you put your considerable smarts to good use? Why not figure out how to build a better rat trap? This is Bmore, baby, we got rats!
Why not invent the next modern marvel? The super computer that will stop all computer viruses in their tracks? Improve the internet? Cure cancer? Invent a way to fix the holes in the ozone layer? Why not write that Pulitzer Prize winning novel? World peace, anyone? I mean…since you so smart and all.
*sighing and smh chuckling* Okay. I am finished venting for the moment.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Bouncing back
Oh yeah...I was sad on 12/19/09. I took a nap and I am fine now. *chuckle*
Like I said. I wasn't in love or anything. I was just having fun. I'll miss the fun I had with him. And I'll miss the blog we hung out on. I decided to stop going there. It would just be too weird.
Well, this frees me up to blog more. Mercy! Like I need to get more of my ideas out of my head and put down somewhere public.
Yikes! *smirking*
Like I said. I wasn't in love or anything. I was just having fun. I'll miss the fun I had with him. And I'll miss the blog we hung out on. I decided to stop going there. It would just be too weird.
Well, this frees me up to blog more. Mercy! Like I need to get more of my ideas out of my head and put down somewhere public.
Yikes! *smirking*
The Truly Small Penis-Not Suitable For Work
Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.
I feel the need to post this video here becuz I owe an apology to one of my girls. I just don’t know who.
Ok, see what had happen was, one day me and a few of my girls were sitting around talking. Somehow the conversation shifted to discussing men with smaller than average penises. I ain’t not never had a guy with a penis I considered small. I will give my theory about that on another post. I just hope I remember to do so one day as I am getting old. *giving the evil eye to all y’all smart azzes out there*
Anyhoo, after I said that I had never had one of them, one of my girls told me about this guy who she said had a penis so small it was almost an innie. After sex with the guy she felt dirty like she had participated in a lesbian sex act (no offense to the gay and/or lesbian community I am just relating the facts as they were related to me) and that afterward she went home and just scrubbed herself raw.
Me being the retarded individual I am, I laughed myself silly. I couldn’t relate. I couldn’t understand. I had never in my life seen anything that small. And I have changed the diapers of 5 nephews, a godson, and a host of great nephews thanks to my trifling azz nephew whose name rhymes with pony.
All that to say I ain’t not never seen a dyck this small before.
Add to the fact that all women are built differently. I thought maybe he was just small to her. I got a friend who we have both slept with the same guy (at different times you nasty mindz) and she says he wasn’t big enough. He blew my back out and I had to beg him not to go so deep. *shrug* We are all built different. That’s my reason for laughing and I am sticking to it.
So, I know I hurt my girl’s feelings laughing at her like I did. I knew it then and didn’t care. Now that I have seen what she was talking about she has my sincerest apologies. But I can’t remember who I wronged (told you I am getting old) and no one will fess up to the confession. I don’t blame her cuz I did laugh pretty hard. Now I am just horrified for her.
Girrrrrrrl! If you fess up I owe you dinner and drinks and you can cry all about it on my shoulder. Shoot! You more woman than me cuz back in the day my simple azz would have laughed him out the room. Especially with a couple drinks in me. We would not have been rubbing clits. Cuz as of this moment he has an enlarged clit. That thing does not classify as a dyck.
That said. If The Donald or someone with Donaldesque pockets shows up with a dyck that small (and no toys or attachments), with credit cards in my name, stocks in my name, bonds in my name, a fat bank account in my name, the complete white Louis Vuitton luggage set with my name engraved in gold full of cash, the deed to the chalet in my name and a limo ready to whisk me off to a furrier, I promise you it will be the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life.
Bite me. Judge me. I don't care.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
So this is how it really ends.
I knew no good could come of this and I was right. I hate being right this time. I was really enjoying My Obsession. I really really was.
So, this is what happened.
It was snowing up a storm in my part of the world.
We chatted part of the morning and some of the afternoon but the servers were slow. I imagine a lot of snowed in folk were online slowing things down.
We recently started IMing. I had an old email account with the same domain as his. I should have gotten a new one. I just didn’t want to have to keep up with yet one more account. I should have gotten a new one. I’ve had that account since 2000. A time when I was very carefree and didn’t think I needed to hide my identity. I sent him an email from that account and up popped my real name.
Damn.
That is all.
He looked me up online to see if he could find a picture and of course came across all my vital information.
All I wanna know is why couldn’t he just wait? Yeah. I inadvertently sent him my name. But I believe he knew that. Why couldn’t he just wait?
He let me know what he had done and what he had found and apologized but…
Why couldn’t he just wait?
I don’t even wanna talk to him anymore.
I don’t even know how long I’ll keep blogging. He just took away my feeling of empowerment.
*SIGH*
Why couldn’t he just wait?
I feel so very sad.
So, this is what happened.
It was snowing up a storm in my part of the world.
We chatted part of the morning and some of the afternoon but the servers were slow. I imagine a lot of snowed in folk were online slowing things down.
We recently started IMing. I had an old email account with the same domain as his. I should have gotten a new one. I just didn’t want to have to keep up with yet one more account. I should have gotten a new one. I’ve had that account since 2000. A time when I was very carefree and didn’t think I needed to hide my identity. I sent him an email from that account and up popped my real name.
Damn.
That is all.
He looked me up online to see if he could find a picture and of course came across all my vital information.
All I wanna know is why couldn’t he just wait? Yeah. I inadvertently sent him my name. But I believe he knew that. Why couldn’t he just wait?
He let me know what he had done and what he had found and apologized but…
Why couldn’t he just wait?
I don’t even wanna talk to him anymore.
I don’t even know how long I’ll keep blogging. He just took away my feeling of empowerment.
*SIGH*
Why couldn’t he just wait?
I feel so very sad.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Bitter black women
Hoe-Kay!
I am sitting here on my day off finally celebrating my birthday. My day of reflection over the last year of my life and previous years. Meditating on my life. Where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to be. And waiting for my breakfast to cook so that I can begin my day long drunk *shrug* It’s my birthday and I’ll do what I want to…within reason, of course.
Anywhoodles, I am watching Maury (The Maury Povich Show) and there’s yet one more bitter black chick on stage. She is having her man take a lie detector test and boo hooing at the lies.
*blank stare*
Chick, fa real? I mean, come on. If you go on Maury, you already know your man (or woman) ain’t shyt. So why you crying? *smh* The problem I see with a lot of bitter black women (can't speak to no one else cuz I've only ever been a black chick) isn’t the ain’t shyt man they are dealing with. It’s the fact that they stayed with said ain’t shyt man way too freaking long.
I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me. You gets no pass with me. Once you cheat, baby, you gots to go. I set you free so you can do you. I set them free so I wouldn’t end up hating them. I’ve hated before, it’s as detrimental to my heart and mind as it is to the person being hated. It took a long time to get that mess out of my heart. And it still affects my head to this day. Yeah, it’s not good for me at all. I try my best to eliminate things and people that are harmful to me. Some things and people are more harmful than others. I weigh the pros and cons.
I refuse to stop eating fried chicken just cuz of some ish the surgeon general, my doctor and my scale has to say. I don’t eat it every day. Heck I don’t even eat it every week…or month. But if southern fried chicken, fuk oven fried ok, was suddenly and irrevocably taken out of my diet I would die a little inside. That would be the beginning of the end of my happy place.
I could live without TPL (The Pathological Liar) in my life but, damn it, it would not be as much fun at all. So, just like with the fried chicken, I limit my exposure to him.
Cheating men? I dismiss altogether. I have watched some wonderful women become truly cold and bitter because they let someone toxic stay in their lives way too long. I don’t know if they thought they could change them or what.
My momma told me that you can’t change anyone. People have to want to change and then they have to do the dang thing. My momma taught me these lessons back when I was young and thought she was the smartest person in the universe after God. I did my teenage stupid shyt that lasted well into my 20’s but I never forgot the lessons. How could I when every day someone did something that just verified everything she told me. Sometimes it was even me doing the dumb shyt. Unfortunately, I couldn't learn everything at her knee or through watching others. Everyone rubs their face in shyt to see if it stinks every now and then. Adam and Eve set the precedence.
So, if he’s cheating on me now then there is no reason to believe he won’t do it again if I stay. Consequences. Everyone has to understand that there are consequences. And I let a man know these things up front. Cheating after that seems to me a bit of a dare. Like he doesn’t believe what I say.
I think because of the cutesy voice I got people sometimes don’t take my words seriously…until they try me. People only do it once to know I mean what I say.
I keep watching this stuff cuz I am trying to figure out why, beyond Maury needing a job, people put themselves through this pain.
Oh mercy! On to Judge Hatchett. Yesterday she had a couple that was finally getting around to a DNA test and the child is 20. WTH????
*smh tipping mimosa filled wine glass at the monitor*
I am sitting here on my day off finally celebrating my birthday. My day of reflection over the last year of my life and previous years. Meditating on my life. Where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to be. And waiting for my breakfast to cook so that I can begin my day long drunk *shrug* It’s my birthday and I’ll do what I want to…within reason, of course.
Anywhoodles, I am watching Maury (The Maury Povich Show) and there’s yet one more bitter black chick on stage. She is having her man take a lie detector test and boo hooing at the lies.
*blank stare*
Chick, fa real? I mean, come on. If you go on Maury, you already know your man (or woman) ain’t shyt. So why you crying? *smh* The problem I see with a lot of bitter black women (can't speak to no one else cuz I've only ever been a black chick) isn’t the ain’t shyt man they are dealing with. It’s the fact that they stayed with said ain’t shyt man way too freaking long.
I’ve had boyfriends cheat on me. You gets no pass with me. Once you cheat, baby, you gots to go. I set you free so you can do you. I set them free so I wouldn’t end up hating them. I’ve hated before, it’s as detrimental to my heart and mind as it is to the person being hated. It took a long time to get that mess out of my heart. And it still affects my head to this day. Yeah, it’s not good for me at all. I try my best to eliminate things and people that are harmful to me. Some things and people are more harmful than others. I weigh the pros and cons.
I refuse to stop eating fried chicken just cuz of some ish the surgeon general, my doctor and my scale has to say. I don’t eat it every day. Heck I don’t even eat it every week…or month. But if southern fried chicken, fuk oven fried ok, was suddenly and irrevocably taken out of my diet I would die a little inside. That would be the beginning of the end of my happy place.
I could live without TPL (The Pathological Liar) in my life but, damn it, it would not be as much fun at all. So, just like with the fried chicken, I limit my exposure to him.
Cheating men? I dismiss altogether. I have watched some wonderful women become truly cold and bitter because they let someone toxic stay in their lives way too long. I don’t know if they thought they could change them or what.
My momma told me that you can’t change anyone. People have to want to change and then they have to do the dang thing. My momma taught me these lessons back when I was young and thought she was the smartest person in the universe after God. I did my teenage stupid shyt that lasted well into my 20’s but I never forgot the lessons. How could I when every day someone did something that just verified everything she told me. Sometimes it was even me doing the dumb shyt. Unfortunately, I couldn't learn everything at her knee or through watching others. Everyone rubs their face in shyt to see if it stinks every now and then. Adam and Eve set the precedence.
So, if he’s cheating on me now then there is no reason to believe he won’t do it again if I stay. Consequences. Everyone has to understand that there are consequences. And I let a man know these things up front. Cheating after that seems to me a bit of a dare. Like he doesn’t believe what I say.
I think because of the cutesy voice I got people sometimes don’t take my words seriously…until they try me. People only do it once to know I mean what I say.
I keep watching this stuff cuz I am trying to figure out why, beyond Maury needing a job, people put themselves through this pain.
Oh mercy! On to Judge Hatchett. Yesterday she had a couple that was finally getting around to a DNA test and the child is 20. WTH????
*smh tipping mimosa filled wine glass at the monitor*
Monday, November 30, 2009
And then again maybe this isn't the end
Ok...maybe I jumped the gun a bit. *chuckle*
I guess I was a bit quick on the draw.
My Obsession responded. And what a response it was. He went into his point of view in his email. I still don't see how I could possibly cause him any harm given the limited and unvarifiable information I have. *shrug*
Whatev.
He was really afraid that I was a guy since I hadn't sent him a picture yet. Ok, what does it matter if I was?
*hard side eye to self* Yeah. That was a really dumb question.
A heterosexual man would be ready to kill over that deception.
Whereas if I found out he was really a girl, I'd be mad but then I'd probably have to laugh. She would have fooled me well. I would then have to let her know that I am strictly dyckly and that I am only bi-curious online.
Truly. Just online. I've tried to watch lesbian porn and it always leaves me dry as the Sahara Desert. I love dyck and dyck loves me. *shrug* It is what it is. And my girl crushes are usually so butch that the only thing missing from their person is a penis and a set of balls.
So, if I found out that My Obsession was a woman. I'd be mad for a bit but then I would be intrigued about why. That would take our e-friendship in a whole different direction. The flirtation would continue, probably, I am bi-curious online. But I'd want to know more about the why of the charade.
What do you get out of lying to someone about who you are? Eventually the person finds out and you face stinging rejection. Why put yourself through that emotional pain?
So anyway, I got off on a tangent, I ended up calling him. My voice leaves no doubt I am all woman. The day a man can do my voice...I don't know what I'll do but I find it highly unlikely that a man could do my voice or a voice as feminine as mine.
I'm just glad My Obsession liked my voice. Though, I do have others in my reportoire of voices. I have no idea where this gift for changing the timbre of my voice came from but it has amused and amazed many people.
Depending on how well we get to know each other, he may even get to hear a couple of my accents.
*wink and tips water bottle at monitor*
I guess I was a bit quick on the draw.
My Obsession responded. And what a response it was. He went into his point of view in his email. I still don't see how I could possibly cause him any harm given the limited and unvarifiable information I have. *shrug*
Whatev.
He was really afraid that I was a guy since I hadn't sent him a picture yet. Ok, what does it matter if I was?
*hard side eye to self* Yeah. That was a really dumb question.
A heterosexual man would be ready to kill over that deception.
Whereas if I found out he was really a girl, I'd be mad but then I'd probably have to laugh. She would have fooled me well. I would then have to let her know that I am strictly dyckly and that I am only bi-curious online.
Truly. Just online. I've tried to watch lesbian porn and it always leaves me dry as the Sahara Desert. I love dyck and dyck loves me. *shrug* It is what it is. And my girl crushes are usually so butch that the only thing missing from their person is a penis and a set of balls.
So, if I found out that My Obsession was a woman. I'd be mad for a bit but then I would be intrigued about why. That would take our e-friendship in a whole different direction. The flirtation would continue, probably, I am bi-curious online. But I'd want to know more about the why of the charade.
What do you get out of lying to someone about who you are? Eventually the person finds out and you face stinging rejection. Why put yourself through that emotional pain?
So anyway, I got off on a tangent, I ended up calling him. My voice leaves no doubt I am all woman. The day a man can do my voice...I don't know what I'll do but I find it highly unlikely that a man could do my voice or a voice as feminine as mine.
I'm just glad My Obsession liked my voice. Though, I do have others in my reportoire of voices. I have no idea where this gift for changing the timbre of my voice came from but it has amused and amazed many people.
Depending on how well we get to know each other, he may even get to hear a couple of my accents.
*wink and tips water bottle at monitor*
Sunday, November 29, 2009
And this is how it ends...
Well, I did what I said I would not do.
I dropped My Obsession an email. And he didn’t respond. *sigh* So it’s official. I have been brushed off.
I am sitting here trying to figure out how I feel about it. I guess I am a little sad. But otherwise, I feel fine. *shrug* I wasn’t in love or anything. I just ain’t falling in love with a picture I met online. I just don’t see it happening. But I did like the guy. So I lost an e-buddy. I guess since I’ve been chatting with him less than six months I didn’t have too much invested in this e-relationship. So, it’s not that hard to let go.
Last night after I got finished my last post I was quite toasted (somewhere between tipsy and drunk). It was either the email or the phone call. The email I could control. A phone call I could not control so I settled for the lesser of the two evils. *lqtms*
I didn’t rant or rave or get sappy. At least I don’t think so. And I laid out what I could handle right now. Then I laid back in my bed and waited for a reply and almost promptly fell asleep. Slept like a baby, too, all the way thru the night.
I woke up Sunday morning around 8:30 am and saw he had not replied and thought to myself “Well smooches to you then, babe.” He’s a night owl who is pretty prompt in responding to my emails. So that pretty much settled it for me right there.
Now if I can just fight this urge to call him for the next couple of weeks I’ll be fine. *chuckle*
I wasn’t in love with him or anything. Yes, I really looked forward to his emails. I even set up my email account to text my cell when I got a message from him. But I get plenty of texts from my offline family and friends. All weekend when my cell went off I kept looking down expecting it to be him and it wasn’t. So there will be a readjustment period. But I know me well enough to know I just need to get through 2 weeks. By my birthday I should be good again. I am heading to New York to celebrate so by the time I get back I should be good.
But at least I have learned that the next time I find an online obsession to just lay down the rules and if he is willing to abide by them then make him stick to them. No waffling back and forth. That was wasted energy and time on both our parts.
No, hard feelings in the least and I wish him the best.
*tips water bottle at the monitor*
I dropped My Obsession an email. And he didn’t respond. *sigh* So it’s official. I have been brushed off.
I am sitting here trying to figure out how I feel about it. I guess I am a little sad. But otherwise, I feel fine. *shrug* I wasn’t in love or anything. I just ain’t falling in love with a picture I met online. I just don’t see it happening. But I did like the guy. So I lost an e-buddy. I guess since I’ve been chatting with him less than six months I didn’t have too much invested in this e-relationship. So, it’s not that hard to let go.
Last night after I got finished my last post I was quite toasted (somewhere between tipsy and drunk). It was either the email or the phone call. The email I could control. A phone call I could not control so I settled for the lesser of the two evils. *lqtms*
I didn’t rant or rave or get sappy. At least I don’t think so. And I laid out what I could handle right now. Then I laid back in my bed and waited for a reply and almost promptly fell asleep. Slept like a baby, too, all the way thru the night.
I woke up Sunday morning around 8:30 am and saw he had not replied and thought to myself “Well smooches to you then, babe.” He’s a night owl who is pretty prompt in responding to my emails. So that pretty much settled it for me right there.
Now if I can just fight this urge to call him for the next couple of weeks I’ll be fine. *chuckle*
I wasn’t in love with him or anything. Yes, I really looked forward to his emails. I even set up my email account to text my cell when I got a message from him. But I get plenty of texts from my offline family and friends. All weekend when my cell went off I kept looking down expecting it to be him and it wasn’t. So there will be a readjustment period. But I know me well enough to know I just need to get through 2 weeks. By my birthday I should be good again. I am heading to New York to celebrate so by the time I get back I should be good.
But at least I have learned that the next time I find an online obsession to just lay down the rules and if he is willing to abide by them then make him stick to them. No waffling back and forth. That was wasted energy and time on both our parts.
No, hard feelings in the least and I wish him the best.
*tips water bottle at the monitor*
Friday, November 27, 2009
The Vault
I am a vault. That’s what My Obsession said. He said that I am a vault. That I am secretive. That I share nothing with him.
*Spock-like eyebrow raise*
I am confused. What exactly am I supposed to share with an avatar? I mean, it’s a cute avatar, but it’s still an avatar. As far as I know, that could be someone else’s picture and he wants me to spill my whole life to him?
*scratching head* Is he fa realz?
Me and my BFL have known each other since we were both 10 years old and we are still discovering each other’s secrets. We just not 90 days ago admitted some things about our fathers that we had never shared. With anyone! Not even my counselor!
*shrug* I am not a real sharing type of person. I am a listener. That’s what I do. I listen. People talk to me and tell me their all. People very rarely want to know my all.
I mean that’s how it seems to me. People usually ask me how I am doing. I say fine and redirect the conversation back to them. People love to talk about themselves. I let them. *shrug* That is all.
It’s not that I don’t have stuff to share. It’s not that I don’t have a life to talk about. It’s just that…I don’t really let people get close enough to cause me harm. There are a lot of people out there who seem to thrive off of hurting others anyway they can. Some people do it inadvertently. I’ve just learned to protect myself from both the accidental and malicious.
So, spilling my life to a picture, albeit a very sexy picture, I met on the internet ain’t happening after less than six months of email.
So that got me thinking back over my relationships. People always seem to want more from me than I want to give. I mean, after the last two men that came through my life the last thing I am looking for right now is anything serious. I was looking for fun and I thought My Obsession was too. But he actually wants to know things about me. Real things.
*BIG SIGH* I am not interested in reality while online.
Why is it that my situations are always mismatched? Why is it that when I am looking for something more than fun do I meet people who just wanna keep it light? Then when I am looking to just have fun I meet people who want something with depth from me?
*Charlie Brown missing the football AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!*
So now what do I do? To think, I was just about to woman up and call my therapist. Well, I probably still need to do that anyway. *chuckle*
He threw at me stuff about people out there who are up to no good. And I threw back at him what had I asked that could lead to me causing him any harm. I mean, I ask very little about him! He asked me what I do for a living and I gave him my job description. My job calls me an analyst but most days I feel like a glorified secretary. I gave him the short version of that description by saying I review contractual documents and budgets to make sure everything is as it should be. Ok, quid pro quo. I asked him and he sidestepped the question.
Ok…wtf?
Still, I chuckled to myself and let it slide. That was the last truly personal question I ever asked him. I thought we were keeping it light. But he keeps pushing for pictures and a phone call. I said I was thinking about it. Then I thought, what the heck, I’ll send him a picture of one eye. Slowly but surely I'd send him a puzzle until he got my whole picture. No, I can never do things simply. My family was taking family pictures and we even got a disk. I was set to download my picture and send him said eye when he just started pushing me.
*side eye left, side eye right*
Yeah, that’s a big no no. Unless it’s a life and death situation, pushing me to do something I am reluctant to do will make me dig in my heals. Suddenly, my flexible side went hard and cold as ice and my suspicious side was let loose.
I mean why is it such a big deal all of a sudden to have my picture and have me call? I said I was thinking about it. He said, it was fine and we could just be anonymous.
I mean, has he even thought about this from my point of view? Cuz I have from his.
What I know about him:
1. He has a sexy avatar that may or may not be his. He says it’s his. I have no way of verifying this.
2. He may or may not live outside the US. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
3. He may or may not be divorced and be bestest friends with his ex-wife. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
4. He may or may not have family in NY. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
5. He may or may not have children. He says no. I have no way of verifying this.
6. He may or may not have a house with a metal roof. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
7. The name he gave may or may not be his real name. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
Ok, that’s it. That’s all I got. And I am supposed to trust him with all my vital information? After being stalked twice?
Yeah…riiiiight…*15 minute cocktail break*
I even Googled his name…do you know how many men came up under his results? Too many.
Now, if you Google my name? Heh heh, you are gonna come up with far too few women for me to be just passing my info around willy nilly.
Yes, he told me he’s not a stalker. Ok, I am sure my last two stalkers didn’t think they were stalkers either. I bet my next door neighbor (who happened to be my landlord’s cousin) thought he had every right to come into my apartment while I was out and adjust my blinds so he could watch me, move my things, drop cigarette butts in my toilet, etc. I bet he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong at all!
*getting a little pissed now*
I bet Perry thought he was perfectly in his right to follow me around town. I had, after all, given him my phone number. Yeah! I bet he didn’t think of himself as crazy or out of line at all!
Crazy people never do. That’s why our sorry assed criminal justice system doesn’t treat them the same as sane folks.
All that to say, telling me you are not a stalker really isn’t convincing. At…All. That’s something that comes from the building of trust.
I am not looking for anything heavy or deep right now. I thought he understood that.
Well, after I responded with my question asking him what have I done that would suggest that I mean him harm and stated that indeed I am a good little secret keeper and I would have to think his requests over he went QUIET on me. I mean all communication has ceased!
After a couple days, I actually picked up the international calling card with the intention of calling him. Then, I stopped and really thought about it.
Ok, one thing I do know is that I have daddy issues. Thanks to my daddy I know it is absolutely useless to try to get a man to stay with you. How my father could look into my little tear stained face and leave me when I begged him to stay, I’ll never know. I know. I know. He and my mother probably had their problems. They took those secrets to the grave with them. Such is life.
But never once while he was breaking my little heart did he tell me he loved me or that he would be back and that it would be ok. That I would be ok and that he would be there if I needed him. Thus, I learned you can’t rely on men for anything.
So, if he wants to bounce *shrug* then the right thing to do is let him go. It was fun for awhile and it was what it was.
I gotta look after me. After what I have gone thru, enough is enough. I need some me time to get my head right again. To trust me again.
I was just looking for some fun and some place to put some of this pent up sexual energy. Hey! Just cuz my head is a little messed up don’t mean that I don’t still get horny. Our talks gave me somewhere to focus all that pent of energy. And there’s a lot of it! I feel sorry for the guy I finally unleash it all on. *chuckle* No I don’t. I am just gonna have to get him to sign a waiver lol.
I know. My Obsession could be sick or something. Well, after a few days, I checked the forum where I met him and he is on there being his usual self. So, *shrug* it is what it is. And what it is is a rather rude brush off.
After the conversations we have had I would have expected better from him than a silent brush off.
Oh well. Better luck next try.
*cues up Take me as I am by Mary J Blige and tips tall liquor filled glass at monitor*
*Spock-like eyebrow raise*
I am confused. What exactly am I supposed to share with an avatar? I mean, it’s a cute avatar, but it’s still an avatar. As far as I know, that could be someone else’s picture and he wants me to spill my whole life to him?
*scratching head* Is he fa realz?
Me and my BFL have known each other since we were both 10 years old and we are still discovering each other’s secrets. We just not 90 days ago admitted some things about our fathers that we had never shared. With anyone! Not even my counselor!
*shrug* I am not a real sharing type of person. I am a listener. That’s what I do. I listen. People talk to me and tell me their all. People very rarely want to know my all.
I mean that’s how it seems to me. People usually ask me how I am doing. I say fine and redirect the conversation back to them. People love to talk about themselves. I let them. *shrug* That is all.
It’s not that I don’t have stuff to share. It’s not that I don’t have a life to talk about. It’s just that…I don’t really let people get close enough to cause me harm. There are a lot of people out there who seem to thrive off of hurting others anyway they can. Some people do it inadvertently. I’ve just learned to protect myself from both the accidental and malicious.
So, spilling my life to a picture, albeit a very sexy picture, I met on the internet ain’t happening after less than six months of email.
So that got me thinking back over my relationships. People always seem to want more from me than I want to give. I mean, after the last two men that came through my life the last thing I am looking for right now is anything serious. I was looking for fun and I thought My Obsession was too. But he actually wants to know things about me. Real things.
*BIG SIGH* I am not interested in reality while online.
Why is it that my situations are always mismatched? Why is it that when I am looking for something more than fun do I meet people who just wanna keep it light? Then when I am looking to just have fun I meet people who want something with depth from me?
*Charlie Brown missing the football AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!*
So now what do I do? To think, I was just about to woman up and call my therapist. Well, I probably still need to do that anyway. *chuckle*
He threw at me stuff about people out there who are up to no good. And I threw back at him what had I asked that could lead to me causing him any harm. I mean, I ask very little about him! He asked me what I do for a living and I gave him my job description. My job calls me an analyst but most days I feel like a glorified secretary. I gave him the short version of that description by saying I review contractual documents and budgets to make sure everything is as it should be. Ok, quid pro quo. I asked him and he sidestepped the question.
Ok…wtf?
Still, I chuckled to myself and let it slide. That was the last truly personal question I ever asked him. I thought we were keeping it light. But he keeps pushing for pictures and a phone call. I said I was thinking about it. Then I thought, what the heck, I’ll send him a picture of one eye. Slowly but surely I'd send him a puzzle until he got my whole picture. No, I can never do things simply. My family was taking family pictures and we even got a disk. I was set to download my picture and send him said eye when he just started pushing me.
*side eye left, side eye right*
Yeah, that’s a big no no. Unless it’s a life and death situation, pushing me to do something I am reluctant to do will make me dig in my heals. Suddenly, my flexible side went hard and cold as ice and my suspicious side was let loose.
I mean why is it such a big deal all of a sudden to have my picture and have me call? I said I was thinking about it. He said, it was fine and we could just be anonymous.
I mean, has he even thought about this from my point of view? Cuz I have from his.
What I know about him:
1. He has a sexy avatar that may or may not be his. He says it’s his. I have no way of verifying this.
2. He may or may not live outside the US. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
3. He may or may not be divorced and be bestest friends with his ex-wife. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
4. He may or may not have family in NY. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
5. He may or may not have children. He says no. I have no way of verifying this.
6. He may or may not have a house with a metal roof. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
7. The name he gave may or may not be his real name. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
Ok, that’s it. That’s all I got. And I am supposed to trust him with all my vital information? After being stalked twice?
Yeah…riiiiight…*15 minute cocktail break*
I even Googled his name…do you know how many men came up under his results? Too many.
Now, if you Google my name? Heh heh, you are gonna come up with far too few women for me to be just passing my info around willy nilly.
Yes, he told me he’s not a stalker. Ok, I am sure my last two stalkers didn’t think they were stalkers either. I bet my next door neighbor (who happened to be my landlord’s cousin) thought he had every right to come into my apartment while I was out and adjust my blinds so he could watch me, move my things, drop cigarette butts in my toilet, etc. I bet he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong at all!
*getting a little pissed now*
I bet Perry thought he was perfectly in his right to follow me around town. I had, after all, given him my phone number. Yeah! I bet he didn’t think of himself as crazy or out of line at all!
Crazy people never do. That’s why our sorry assed criminal justice system doesn’t treat them the same as sane folks.
All that to say, telling me you are not a stalker really isn’t convincing. At…All. That’s something that comes from the building of trust.
I am not looking for anything heavy or deep right now. I thought he understood that.
Well, after I responded with my question asking him what have I done that would suggest that I mean him harm and stated that indeed I am a good little secret keeper and I would have to think his requests over he went QUIET on me. I mean all communication has ceased!
After a couple days, I actually picked up the international calling card with the intention of calling him. Then, I stopped and really thought about it.
Ok, one thing I do know is that I have daddy issues. Thanks to my daddy I know it is absolutely useless to try to get a man to stay with you. How my father could look into my little tear stained face and leave me when I begged him to stay, I’ll never know. I know. I know. He and my mother probably had their problems. They took those secrets to the grave with them. Such is life.
But never once while he was breaking my little heart did he tell me he loved me or that he would be back and that it would be ok. That I would be ok and that he would be there if I needed him. Thus, I learned you can’t rely on men for anything.
So, if he wants to bounce *shrug* then the right thing to do is let him go. It was fun for awhile and it was what it was.
I gotta look after me. After what I have gone thru, enough is enough. I need some me time to get my head right again. To trust me again.
I was just looking for some fun and some place to put some of this pent up sexual energy. Hey! Just cuz my head is a little messed up don’t mean that I don’t still get horny. Our talks gave me somewhere to focus all that pent of energy. And there’s a lot of it! I feel sorry for the guy I finally unleash it all on. *chuckle* No I don’t. I am just gonna have to get him to sign a waiver lol.
I know. My Obsession could be sick or something. Well, after a few days, I checked the forum where I met him and he is on there being his usual self. So, *shrug* it is what it is. And what it is is a rather rude brush off.
After the conversations we have had I would have expected better from him than a silent brush off.
Oh well. Better luck next try.
*cues up Take me as I am by Mary J Blige and tips tall liquor filled glass at monitor*
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The worst thing about being single
You know what I think in my very humble opinion is the singular problem with being single? People who aren’t single.
Truth.
I spent most of my younger years trying to explain to people who either weren’t single or were single and trying very hard not to be single as soon as possible why I am in no hurry to be coupled up. Today, I just ain’t that into explaining myself to people. Either you get me or you don’t. *shrug* Love me or leave me. I’ll still respect you regardless.
I want a great relationship with a good man but I have never been in a rush. I take my time getting to know each man who enters my life. Everyone, including me, is fantastic when you are first getting to know them but bay…be, 6 months down the road (if that long) you start wondering what drug this nutcase slipped you that you hooked up with them in the first place. Were you wrong about them all along? Have aliens kidnapped them and dropped off an alien clone to replace them?
No, what happened is the newness of the relationship wore off and a reality set in.
Ok, I can do reality but damn some of the reality that people think I should put up with ain’t the type of reality that me, myself, and Project Bytch are interested in putting up with. I mean, I am no cake walk myself.
Exhibit A: I am not a morning person.
But no one outside of my immediate family knows that. I have never lived with a man so not even any of the men I have dated know that. Don’t ask how I have accomplished this, maybe I am just a great actress. *shrug* Now should we spend the weekend together, ok, we are waking up when we feel like. But during the work week? When that evil azz alarm clock goes off? Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, hell don’t even breathe in my direction. Ok?
It’s not hormonal. I just don’t like waking up before the sun.
I can’t imagine putting a poor man through that now. I can be an evil bytch first thing in the morning Monday thru Friday. I am so bad that my mother once asked a guy who came to pick me up “What do you want with my evil daughter?” RIP Moms and sorry about suffering my evil azz every morning!
A man marrying me not knowing this and not being able to tell me “Babe, quit your job. I got this.” would have to wonder what the hell happened to the sweet, generous, caring woman he met before the wedding.
She’s still here. She just doesn’t show up until after 10 am weekdays and she’s here all weekend. Unless someone loses their mind and asks me to take them to the airport for an early flight on the weekend. Then you can all kiss her happy azz goodbye. *chuckle* It is what it is. I don’t apologize for it cuz it ain’t me. It’s totally a biological thing. That and the fact that if previous lives existed then in my past life I was a pampered spoiled Egyptian princess.
That’s not my only quirk but I think that is the worst. Though, if a man knows my Achilles heel he can get around this quirk. HINT: Waking up in the middle of an orgasm can change my whole attitude. Truth.
I will bounce into work so dang happy that I literally have pissed people off at how chipper I am. *chuckle* And will hum Hate on Me by Jill Scott just to add fuel to the fire.
Yeah, I know I’m a stinker. Not my fault I seek out my bliss every chance I get. And sometimes I find it.
So I am not at all positive that the advice my friends give me regarding men is all that…altruistic.
I remember once we were discussing the age old question of penis size. I stated quite honestly that I have never had sex with a guy whose penis I considered small. One of my good girlfriends wished I’d meet one and the others laughed. I don’t see what is supposed to be funny about that. Especially, as bitter as they all were about it. *shrug* I can’t see wishing ill like that on a friend.
Said girlfriends seem to condone the following: Having a crackhead in my life is supposed to be acceptable. Also, having a guy with multiple baby mommas is supposed to be acceptable, too. And if he doesn’t have a job, I’m supposed to roll with that, also. If he gives you a STD, that’s ok, too. And if his sexual orientation is questionable that’s supposed to be acceptable, also. My only concern, judging from my girlfriends attitudes, should be whether he’s good in bed. *blink blink*
True Story:
My girl had a family member she wanted me to meet. He had just gotten out of jail and was already working hard as a mechanic. He was trying to get his life together and needed a good woman by his side. She said.
Ok, everyone makes mistakes and he seemed like he had learned from his.
I asked him why he had been in jail. Need your full name and date of birth and charges. Took my azz right down to the courthouse to look up his criminal record to verify ish. What? No, I don’t take ish like that just at ANYONE’S word. I don’t have kids but I have a lot of kids around me and people trust me with their kids. I want to make sure I don’t pick up a known sexual predator.
His turned out to be a theft charge from his employer. He lived, he learned, he did his time and now it was time to move on.
Ok, we speak on the phone a bit and then he disappears. Ok, brother was fine! Came out the cut (prison) all fine and thick and WHEW! *fanning myself remembering*. I have always taken my time and just cuz he was family of a friend of mine didn’t change jack. So I could imagine some other woman had fallen into bed with him a whole lot quicker than me. To each their own.
So about six weeks later I stop by my friend’s house. I walk in and this skinny dude with his front uppers missing is like, “Hey woman! Where you been?”
I am thinking fast on my feet and talking to him while I am trying to figure out who he is and how he knows me, because he called me by name and I had no clue who he was. Then I noticed that his voice sounded familiar. So I just concentrated on that. He hugged me and went out the room. As he did, it dawned on me who he was. My girl’s fam who she was trying to hook me up with.
Hold the effing phone!
As soon as he leaves the room I make a beeline for her.
I am whispering “Girl! Is that D?”
She nods sadly. “I know. I was so hoping he would stay off that stuff with a good woman by his side.”
Ummmm…didn’t she think that was something she should have told me? Then the whole story comes out. He was using when he stole from his employer to feed his habit.
Yeah, he had a girl alright and her name is Crack.
Don’t judge me either for dating an ex-con. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. I actually know a couple success stories of guys who come out of prison and change their lives. Just a few though. And years later, my girl’s fam is not one of them. Crack is still his best girl.
I got way to many stories like that. *side eye left, side eye right* Hmm, I may need to cut some more "friends" from the herd.
I just know that as long as someone isn’t trying to convince me that I should be bending over backwards to get a man then I am content. Heck, sometimes I am downright happy. Especially when I listen to all these coupled up, tripled up, and quadrupled up women complaining about the man or men in their lives. Truth: I have a girlfriend who has 3 boyfriends. They all know about each other and all three are trying to be the last man standing. And all three of them get on her nerves most of the time. *chuckle*
One man will do me nicely, thank you very much. I tried dating three men at once one time. I couldn’t keep their names straight for nothing in the world. Then people wanted to give me advice about that! Sheesh! How about I date one man at a time and hope I find a man someday that will add to my happiness? If not, how about y’all just let my content and sometimes happy single azz be me?
*totally unconcerned shrug* You know I am going to be me on general principal, anyway.
Truth.
I spent most of my younger years trying to explain to people who either weren’t single or were single and trying very hard not to be single as soon as possible why I am in no hurry to be coupled up. Today, I just ain’t that into explaining myself to people. Either you get me or you don’t. *shrug* Love me or leave me. I’ll still respect you regardless.
I want a great relationship with a good man but I have never been in a rush. I take my time getting to know each man who enters my life. Everyone, including me, is fantastic when you are first getting to know them but bay…be, 6 months down the road (if that long) you start wondering what drug this nutcase slipped you that you hooked up with them in the first place. Were you wrong about them all along? Have aliens kidnapped them and dropped off an alien clone to replace them?
No, what happened is the newness of the relationship wore off and a reality set in.
Ok, I can do reality but damn some of the reality that people think I should put up with ain’t the type of reality that me, myself, and Project Bytch are interested in putting up with. I mean, I am no cake walk myself.
Exhibit A: I am not a morning person.
But no one outside of my immediate family knows that. I have never lived with a man so not even any of the men I have dated know that. Don’t ask how I have accomplished this, maybe I am just a great actress. *shrug* Now should we spend the weekend together, ok, we are waking up when we feel like. But during the work week? When that evil azz alarm clock goes off? Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, hell don’t even breathe in my direction. Ok?
It’s not hormonal. I just don’t like waking up before the sun.
I can’t imagine putting a poor man through that now. I can be an evil bytch first thing in the morning Monday thru Friday. I am so bad that my mother once asked a guy who came to pick me up “What do you want with my evil daughter?” RIP Moms and sorry about suffering my evil azz every morning!
A man marrying me not knowing this and not being able to tell me “Babe, quit your job. I got this.” would have to wonder what the hell happened to the sweet, generous, caring woman he met before the wedding.
She’s still here. She just doesn’t show up until after 10 am weekdays and she’s here all weekend. Unless someone loses their mind and asks me to take them to the airport for an early flight on the weekend. Then you can all kiss her happy azz goodbye. *chuckle* It is what it is. I don’t apologize for it cuz it ain’t me. It’s totally a biological thing. That and the fact that if previous lives existed then in my past life I was a pampered spoiled Egyptian princess.
That’s not my only quirk but I think that is the worst. Though, if a man knows my Achilles heel he can get around this quirk. HINT: Waking up in the middle of an orgasm can change my whole attitude. Truth.
I will bounce into work so dang happy that I literally have pissed people off at how chipper I am. *chuckle* And will hum Hate on Me by Jill Scott just to add fuel to the fire.
Yeah, I know I’m a stinker. Not my fault I seek out my bliss every chance I get. And sometimes I find it.
So I am not at all positive that the advice my friends give me regarding men is all that…altruistic.
I remember once we were discussing the age old question of penis size. I stated quite honestly that I have never had sex with a guy whose penis I considered small. One of my good girlfriends wished I’d meet one and the others laughed. I don’t see what is supposed to be funny about that. Especially, as bitter as they all were about it. *shrug* I can’t see wishing ill like that on a friend.
Said girlfriends seem to condone the following: Having a crackhead in my life is supposed to be acceptable. Also, having a guy with multiple baby mommas is supposed to be acceptable, too. And if he doesn’t have a job, I’m supposed to roll with that, also. If he gives you a STD, that’s ok, too. And if his sexual orientation is questionable that’s supposed to be acceptable, also. My only concern, judging from my girlfriends attitudes, should be whether he’s good in bed. *blink blink*
True Story:
My girl had a family member she wanted me to meet. He had just gotten out of jail and was already working hard as a mechanic. He was trying to get his life together and needed a good woman by his side. She said.
Ok, everyone makes mistakes and he seemed like he had learned from his.
I asked him why he had been in jail. Need your full name and date of birth and charges. Took my azz right down to the courthouse to look up his criminal record to verify ish. What? No, I don’t take ish like that just at ANYONE’S word. I don’t have kids but I have a lot of kids around me and people trust me with their kids. I want to make sure I don’t pick up a known sexual predator.
His turned out to be a theft charge from his employer. He lived, he learned, he did his time and now it was time to move on.
Ok, we speak on the phone a bit and then he disappears. Ok, brother was fine! Came out the cut (prison) all fine and thick and WHEW! *fanning myself remembering*. I have always taken my time and just cuz he was family of a friend of mine didn’t change jack. So I could imagine some other woman had fallen into bed with him a whole lot quicker than me. To each their own.
So about six weeks later I stop by my friend’s house. I walk in and this skinny dude with his front uppers missing is like, “Hey woman! Where you been?”
I am thinking fast on my feet and talking to him while I am trying to figure out who he is and how he knows me, because he called me by name and I had no clue who he was. Then I noticed that his voice sounded familiar. So I just concentrated on that. He hugged me and went out the room. As he did, it dawned on me who he was. My girl’s fam who she was trying to hook me up with.
Hold the effing phone!
As soon as he leaves the room I make a beeline for her.
I am whispering “Girl! Is that D?”
She nods sadly. “I know. I was so hoping he would stay off that stuff with a good woman by his side.”
Ummmm…didn’t she think that was something she should have told me? Then the whole story comes out. He was using when he stole from his employer to feed his habit.
Yeah, he had a girl alright and her name is Crack.
Don’t judge me either for dating an ex-con. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. I actually know a couple success stories of guys who come out of prison and change their lives. Just a few though. And years later, my girl’s fam is not one of them. Crack is still his best girl.
I got way to many stories like that. *side eye left, side eye right* Hmm, I may need to cut some more "friends" from the herd.
I just know that as long as someone isn’t trying to convince me that I should be bending over backwards to get a man then I am content. Heck, sometimes I am downright happy. Especially when I listen to all these coupled up, tripled up, and quadrupled up women complaining about the man or men in their lives. Truth: I have a girlfriend who has 3 boyfriends. They all know about each other and all three are trying to be the last man standing. And all three of them get on her nerves most of the time. *chuckle*
One man will do me nicely, thank you very much. I tried dating three men at once one time. I couldn’t keep their names straight for nothing in the world. Then people wanted to give me advice about that! Sheesh! How about I date one man at a time and hope I find a man someday that will add to my happiness? If not, how about y’all just let my content and sometimes happy single azz be me?
*totally unconcerned shrug* You know I am going to be me on general principal, anyway.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Time on The Block
So I took that walk down to The Block last week and the only unpleasant thing I saw was an old hooker/stripper who convinced me that after a certain age it doesn't matter how medical science enhances you, you can still be too old to be a hooker/stripper.
That was until I saw a scraggly looking guy trying to pick her up. Ew *shudder* Bless they hearts, some men will have sex with anything with a pulse. That is not a bad thing...I think...*shudder* Let me not think too much about that. Almost got a mental picture of them two doing it. *gag*
He was wearing a grey felt bowler hat, grey pinstripe suit, and grey wingtip shoes. I had to duck in a store to catch my breath! Cuz I didn't wanna get pimp slapped for laughing in his face.
Then it would have been me on news at 11 cuz the Project Bytch in me would not have been contained. I know that someone in my family is gonna be the third one of us to make the local news, but I am not trying to have it be me.
That falls into another goal of mine, stay off the Jerry Springer show. *chuckle*
Anyway, walking around on the block reminded me of the job interview I had down there once. No, I did not know I was headed to the The Block for the interview.
Let me explain. The Block, Baltimore's red light district is one city block of tiddy bars/strip clubs and peep shows. That's it. Just one city block. The rest of it is respectable businesses, a hospital and even homes. It is located on Baltimore Street. Nope, I ain't joking. The police station is located in the following block from The Block. *smh* I have no idea whose bright idea it was but there it sits to this very day. It was there before I was born and it may be there after I am dust. There was talk of moving it but then, hey, where would the military go when they roll into town.
No, I ain't joking...I have seent it with my own two little brown eyes. And I was totally shocked when I was younger. But people paid them no mind like it was the most natural thing and after a time so did I.
Anyways, I was looking for a part time evening gig and saw an ad in the paper for a cashier in a book store with a phone number and an address. I never paid any attention to what block numbers The Block resided in and I am so glad I didn't. Otherwise I would have missed out on one of the most entertaining job interviews ever.
I called. Spoke to the manager and made an appointment to come in for an interview. He sounded professional on the phone and responded to me in a professional manner. Not at all what my little narrow mind would have suspected a manager/proprietor of one of The Block's establishments to sound like. If you had ever seen some of the hawkers and patrons on The Block you would totally understand why I would not have expected an air of professionalism from this guy.
So I dress in my interview best navy suit, stockings and medium pumps and unknowingly head on down to The Block.
I get down to Baltimore Street via the metro/subway. Depending on what generation you belong to you'll either call it the subway, its first name. Or the metro, after the city tried to get sophisticated. smh
I walk down the street looking at the street numbers on the building. Hey, I am in the 200 Block when I get off the subway. Cool...so I think.
I walked past many legitimate looking businesses but still no book store. I walk all the way down to the beginning of The Block. I stop at the intersection and look around confused, wondering if I had missed the bookstore.
Then I look in my purse to check the address again. Then I look at the numbers on the buildings on The Block. Sure enough, the peep show/sex emporium facing me across the street is 401 Baltimore Street. I get a sinking feeling as I look opposite 401 and see 400 Baltimore Street is indeed a book store. An adult XXX bookstore/peep show.
I am quite sure my jaw dropped. The manager hadn't said a thing about it being an adult book store, let alone a peep show!
I stood there for a while wondering what to do. This was pre-cell phone mind you. I was raised a very proper southern belle. It would have been rude to just blow off the interview without a phone call and polite excuse. smh
So, I womaned up as best I could. I waited for the traffic lights to change. No jay walking to get to this interview.
I stood before the door in dread. What would I find in there? Who would I find in there? Were there peep shows going on in the front of the store and books in the middle? What had I done to deserve this humiliation?
Then I suddenly realized I was standing on The Block in broad daylight and someone I know might see me standing in front of the peep show/book store.
That got me moving! I forged in without a backward glance!
I walked in and found that at the front of the store it was pretty much like any other book store, except for the naked people on the book/magazine covers, lewd book marks, XXX videos, and sex toys. Other than that, it was pretty much like any other book store you go into. *snicker*
I quickly scanned the store looking for a manager or sales person so I could get this interview over and get out of there quickly. Directly to my right was a counter that had to be raised about 4 feet off the floor. I looked up at the white chick behind the counter and told her I was there for an interview.
She yells toward the back of the store for the manager. I look in the direction she is yelling. There in the back of the store is a curtained off area, green, faded, and old. A 30ish dark haired white guy comes out slowly and walks over to me. Looking around at the few patrons there in the daylight hours he couldn't help but guess the smartly dressed black chick was his applicant.
I looked at the curtains again and then around the store hoping to see a door that led to his office. I wasn't going back behind that curtain no matter how rude it seemed.
The manager had other ideas that had nothing, thank goodness, to do with the curtain. He introduced himself very professionally and shook my hand. You know I didn't want to touch his hand but again, well raised polite southern belle. Besides, I could wash my hands at McDs afterwards.
He motions me to follow him down a side aisle to my relief. I follow, looking around nervously all the time. The few men in the store refused to look at me and the girl behind the counter just looked bored.
Then about halfway down the dildo and vibrator aisle he just stopped. He faced me and started with the interview questions. They were normal at first, did I have a day job, what experience did I have cashiering, what time could I come in. Simple.
Then they turned personal: Where did I live, did I have a car, where would I park, who do I live with, do I have a boyfriend. Strange questions and I answered every one he asked without telling him it wasn't his business.
You know why? Cuz every voice in my head including the Project Bytch was screaming with laughter. Remember I said we stopped in the dildo/vibrator aisle. Well, directly over the manager's shoulder was a dildo shaped like the president current for that year. President William Jefferson Clinton!
He's asking me questions and I am answering with I imagine a blank stare. Cuz in my head were all kinds of questions. Like does Bill know? Does Bill endorse this? Does Hilary know? Does Hil have one? Did Bill use one on Monica? Do they get a cut of the profits?
Oh the questions! And the questions were threatening me with the giggles at any moment.
The interview ended and I left. I don't remember what I did beyond finding someplace to sit down and laugh afterwards. I imagine people probably looked at me strangely but that day I put propriety aside and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I didn't take the job and not because I thought it beneath me. I suddenly saw that this might actually be fun and it would definitely give me some giggles. The problem was the manager. He wanted me to take off a couple days from my day job to work days so he could watch me. Watch me do what? That coupled with the personal questions he asked put me off the job.
I got the feeling they wanted me to do more than just bag purchases and take people's money. Every few months or so I would see the ad back in the paper for the exact same address and phone number and laugh quietly to myself.
That was until I saw a scraggly looking guy trying to pick her up. Ew *shudder* Bless they hearts, some men will have sex with anything with a pulse. That is not a bad thing...I think...*shudder* Let me not think too much about that. Almost got a mental picture of them two doing it. *gag*
That means neither me nor my girls can be tricking forever. I got a great bookkeeper and financial advisor. I should be able to retire by 50 from tricking and just be the Head Trick in Charge (HTIC). So I continued kicking the idea around.
So Monday, I took another walk down The Block and I seent...a monochrome pimp. *TweetyBird voice* Yes I did! I did! I did taw a monochrome pimp!
*chuckling*He was wearing a grey felt bowler hat, grey pinstripe suit, and grey wingtip shoes. I had to duck in a store to catch my breath! Cuz I didn't wanna get pimp slapped for laughing in his face.
Then it would have been me on news at 11 cuz the Project Bytch in me would not have been contained. I know that someone in my family is gonna be the third one of us to make the local news, but I am not trying to have it be me.
That falls into another goal of mine, stay off the Jerry Springer show. *chuckle*
Anyway, walking around on the block reminded me of the job interview I had down there once. No, I did not know I was headed to the The Block for the interview.
Let me explain. The Block, Baltimore's red light district is one city block of tiddy bars/strip clubs and peep shows. That's it. Just one city block. The rest of it is respectable businesses, a hospital and even homes. It is located on Baltimore Street. Nope, I ain't joking. The police station is located in the following block from The Block. *smh* I have no idea whose bright idea it was but there it sits to this very day. It was there before I was born and it may be there after I am dust. There was talk of moving it but then, hey, where would the military go when they roll into town.
No, I ain't joking...I have seent it with my own two little brown eyes. And I was totally shocked when I was younger. But people paid them no mind like it was the most natural thing and after a time so did I.
Anyways, I was looking for a part time evening gig and saw an ad in the paper for a cashier in a book store with a phone number and an address. I never paid any attention to what block numbers The Block resided in and I am so glad I didn't. Otherwise I would have missed out on one of the most entertaining job interviews ever.
I called. Spoke to the manager and made an appointment to come in for an interview. He sounded professional on the phone and responded to me in a professional manner. Not at all what my little narrow mind would have suspected a manager/proprietor of one of The Block's establishments to sound like. If you had ever seen some of the hawkers and patrons on The Block you would totally understand why I would not have expected an air of professionalism from this guy.
So I dress in my interview best navy suit, stockings and medium pumps and unknowingly head on down to The Block.
I get down to Baltimore Street via the metro/subway. Depending on what generation you belong to you'll either call it the subway, its first name. Or the metro, after the city tried to get sophisticated. smh
I walk down the street looking at the street numbers on the building. Hey, I am in the 200 Block when I get off the subway. Cool...so I think.
I walked past many legitimate looking businesses but still no book store. I walk all the way down to the beginning of The Block. I stop at the intersection and look around confused, wondering if I had missed the bookstore.
Then I look in my purse to check the address again. Then I look at the numbers on the buildings on The Block. Sure enough, the peep show/sex emporium facing me across the street is 401 Baltimore Street. I get a sinking feeling as I look opposite 401 and see 400 Baltimore Street is indeed a book store. An adult XXX bookstore/peep show.
I am quite sure my jaw dropped. The manager hadn't said a thing about it being an adult book store, let alone a peep show!
I stood there for a while wondering what to do. This was pre-cell phone mind you. I was raised a very proper southern belle. It would have been rude to just blow off the interview without a phone call and polite excuse. smh
So, I womaned up as best I could. I waited for the traffic lights to change. No jay walking to get to this interview.
I stood before the door in dread. What would I find in there? Who would I find in there? Were there peep shows going on in the front of the store and books in the middle? What had I done to deserve this humiliation?
Then I suddenly realized I was standing on The Block in broad daylight and someone I know might see me standing in front of the peep show/book store.
That got me moving! I forged in without a backward glance!
I walked in and found that at the front of the store it was pretty much like any other book store, except for the naked people on the book/magazine covers, lewd book marks, XXX videos, and sex toys. Other than that, it was pretty much like any other book store you go into. *snicker*
I quickly scanned the store looking for a manager or sales person so I could get this interview over and get out of there quickly. Directly to my right was a counter that had to be raised about 4 feet off the floor. I looked up at the white chick behind the counter and told her I was there for an interview.
She yells toward the back of the store for the manager. I look in the direction she is yelling. There in the back of the store is a curtained off area, green, faded, and old. A 30ish dark haired white guy comes out slowly and walks over to me. Looking around at the few patrons there in the daylight hours he couldn't help but guess the smartly dressed black chick was his applicant.
I looked at the curtains again and then around the store hoping to see a door that led to his office. I wasn't going back behind that curtain no matter how rude it seemed.
The manager had other ideas that had nothing, thank goodness, to do with the curtain. He introduced himself very professionally and shook my hand. You know I didn't want to touch his hand but again, well raised polite southern belle. Besides, I could wash my hands at McDs afterwards.
He motions me to follow him down a side aisle to my relief. I follow, looking around nervously all the time. The few men in the store refused to look at me and the girl behind the counter just looked bored.
Then about halfway down the dildo and vibrator aisle he just stopped. He faced me and started with the interview questions. They were normal at first, did I have a day job, what experience did I have cashiering, what time could I come in. Simple.
Then they turned personal: Where did I live, did I have a car, where would I park, who do I live with, do I have a boyfriend. Strange questions and I answered every one he asked without telling him it wasn't his business.
You know why? Cuz every voice in my head including the Project Bytch was screaming with laughter. Remember I said we stopped in the dildo/vibrator aisle. Well, directly over the manager's shoulder was a dildo shaped like the president current for that year. President William Jefferson Clinton!
He's asking me questions and I am answering with I imagine a blank stare. Cuz in my head were all kinds of questions. Like does Bill know? Does Bill endorse this? Does Hilary know? Does Hil have one? Did Bill use one on Monica? Do they get a cut of the profits?
Oh the questions! And the questions were threatening me with the giggles at any moment.
The interview ended and I left. I don't remember what I did beyond finding someplace to sit down and laugh afterwards. I imagine people probably looked at me strangely but that day I put propriety aside and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I didn't take the job and not because I thought it beneath me. I suddenly saw that this might actually be fun and it would definitely give me some giggles. The problem was the manager. He wanted me to take off a couple days from my day job to work days so he could watch me. Watch me do what? That coupled with the personal questions he asked put me off the job.
I got the feeling they wanted me to do more than just bag purchases and take people's money. Every few months or so I would see the ad back in the paper for the exact same address and phone number and laugh quietly to myself.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I am having one of those days...
I am having one of those days when moving to Vegas to open a legal and very exclusive bordello looks like such a good idea. I have discussed it with enough friends down through the years that I have a bookkeeper, IT personnel, and of course women to satisfy in various skin colors. We can cover most fetishes.
I even have a name for the place...but I'll keep it to myself just in case I actually DO decide to head west, somewhat young woman, head west.
Maybe I'll take a walk down The Block (Bmore's red light district) at lunch to try and convince myself that ho'ing ain't the way to go...
I even have a name for the place...but I'll keep it to myself just in case I actually DO decide to head west, somewhat young woman, head west.
Maybe I'll take a walk down The Block (Bmore's red light district) at lunch to try and convince myself that ho'ing ain't the way to go...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Pathological Liar (TPL)
Why do I have this person in my life?
Quite simply becuz he makes me laugh. We are platonic friends and he makes me laugh. I have been told to kick him to the curb by my true friends. I thought about it but you know what? I know when my phone rings and I look down at caller ID and see his number I am about to laugh long and hard.
For that alone he has earned a place in my life and he is welcome to stay as long as he doesn’t turn toxic. And he can be.
Let me explain about TPL.
He is a person who believes that his life should be better than anyone else’s life. I have not guessed or surmised this with my superior (heh) intellect. He told me this himself. It took me a number of years to figure out that he will lie to make sure his life is better. I am just not sure if he believes the lie or not. *shrug*
True story: when gas prices first started to come down out of the stratosphere we were discussing the decline. I remarked that I had gassed up for $2.75/gal. He quipped in quick that gas on his side of town is $2.50/gal. I gave him a mean side eye and changed the subject. I watch the news and all the channels were once announcing where you could find the cheapest gas in town at that time it was $2.69/gal. It’s not good enough that he is getting something better. It has to be EXTRAORDINARILY better than whatever anyone else has. *smh and lqtms*
These lies get him through his day to day life, I guess, and I don’t have any need to call him on it. However, it has caused quite a number of people to fall away from him.
Our first lunch bunch back when I met him 10+ years ago was a multicultural group of 12+ of every skin color in the human rainbow. We would sit around that conference table and have a ball…until… *smh and frowning*
One day he told a blatant lie and tried to get me to back him in said lie, which I wouldn’t. But TPL has this knack of making people believe him. He gave everyone at the table a wise eye and said “Believe her if you want but I am telling you what I know.”
They all believed him. I shook my head and laughed cuz I didn’t see it as a personal attack. That was him flexing his power. Well the lie came to light as it usually does. Now this is how much he is liked until his lies are exposed, people tried to get mad at me.
I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet until you try to pin a lie on me. Uh-uh! EPIC FAIL! I flipped and let the Project Bytch loose for a minute and reminded everyone pissed that I had told them that he was lying and that they, EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM CHOSE to believe him over me without trying to investigate the truth on their own.
Everyone got quiet cuz I am usually the quiet one and I had just laid down the truth on them and it couldn’t be denied.
Our lunch bunch dwindled down to a threesome almost immediately. People did not like his lies. And I understand that. You are having fun and you go home to friends and family and regale them with stories of TPL only to find out that they are either half truths or all lies.
I take TPL for the here and now. I don’t go spreading the stories he tells me around…unless they are just that darn funny. Then I always preface them with “According to TPL”. Then it’s up to the listener whether to believe or discount the story. But it is always a good laugh. It’s a rarity cuz you never know how much is truth and how much is pure fiction.
His toxic side is just this: He will systematically destroy any relationship you have in your life if you let him.
Yes, I speak from experience. But luckily for me the relationship he destroyed is not one that I needed to keep anyway. I keep him away from the ones I want to keep.
As I said, our lunch bunch dwindled down to three. Me, TPL, and The Fabulous One (TFO). Me and TFO had struck up a friendship before even meeting TPL. Then TPL joined our twosome and those were, for a while, some of the most fun times I had ever had.
I love my girlz (my true friends) but they are a handful of crying, happy, sad, angry, terrified, mixed up, messed up, fabulous, loving, caring, crazy azzed heifers. All that emotion they bring me is tiresome sometimes. With me, TPL, and TFO it was all fun and giggles in the beginning.
I was the ever faithful sidekick to those two stars *chuckle* It was kinda like high school except now I was a sidekick instead of marching to my own beat.
TFO and I were pretty tight before we met TPL. We watched him and learned. TFO was so good at picking out his lies and taught me how to catch on to them.
Long story short (maybe I'll go into it on another post) even though we were armed with the knowledge of how he destroys other people's interpersonal relationships we still could not stop the ultimate break up and destruction of our own friendship.
TPL is just that good. He should work for the CIA or somebody. If only they could harness his talent for good.
It took me a while to write this one. Then I was talking to My Obsession this weekend and I suddenly knew what I wanted to say. What I need to explain about TPL is why I accept him for who he is.
See, 19 years ago his little sister was murdered by her boyfriend. At the time, his mother was battling cancer. The murder and then the refusal of the murderer to tell them where he hid her body broke his mother’s spirit. His mother gave up her battle with Cancer. Then a little more than a year later his father followed his wife to the grave.
So in the space of two years he lost his little sister, mother and father. He lost his sister horribly. He had to sit through a trial where the witness described dismembering his little sister.
*blinking tears* I know he is at the cemetery for his parents birthdays and anniversary leaving flowers. He goes alone. He says they are not good times for him but he feels he has to go. I know his birthday is the day his sister was murdered and that’s what he remembers every year.
I don’t know how I would come through that. That’s why I let a lot of stuff slide with him. I can’t fault him for it because we are all just human beings trying to do the best we can with the tools at our disposal. There aren’t too many guides out there so a lot is relying on yourself.
Yeah, he’s bitter sometimes. When I was first getting to know him, he hurt my feelings a few times. But guess what? I grew a thicker skin because of knowing him. It is not quite as easy for people to get under my skin as it was in my younger years.
About 7 years ago, I emailed him “Good morning!” as is usual for me. He came back with “What the fuk is so good about it?”
Ok, we talk like that to each other sometimes. So I laughed and emailed him back all the things he should be happy about. TPL came back with a reply that was full of so much venom that if words could kill I wouldn‘t be alive to write this. I can’t remember what was in it because I only read it once. I hit delete and empty. Shook my head and went about my day.
I was sick of his crap and I wasn’t about to take it. I had drama going on in my own life at the time and I had no clue why he dumped on me. We didn’t speak for 3 months.
Then one day he calls me up and says “Hey! What’s the shade?” That means, why haven’t I called. My reply was a noncommittal “What’s the shade with you?” And he told me.
See the day we stopped speaking was the day he ran into the man who helped his sister’s boyfriend dismember her. He was out of jail now and he thought it was just a fine and dandy idea to walk up to TPL and say “Hey man! How you doing?” Just like they were still the friends who had grown up together and he hadn’t cut TPL's sister up in pieces like she was meat.
He went through a lot during this period. He wanted to kill this man. And I don’t blame him. Had I known that I would have come back with something totally different than the sweet email I sent. He was hurting and most human beings lash out when they are hurting.
That was 7 years ago. We’ve both grown a lot in that time. We’ve matured, gotten smarter, and somewhat wiser and we know more of each other’s story so we are a lot more understanding of each other.
When his sister’s boyfriend/murderer got out of jail, the road was a little smoother. He was still in a foul mood but at least I knew why and I could deflect better.
Last month the BPD contacted him about the remains of a young woman’s body that they had reconstructed and asked him for DNA. We were really hopeful that it was her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her.
But this time instead of striking out at me he called me and we talked and we talked. And when it wasn’t her we talked some more.
All that to say, we are all fighting our own personal battles. He’s doing the best he can with the tools he has been given just like me. Anyone got a quick and dirty guide on how to deal with his type of pain? Yeah, didn’t think so.
If I had written him off 7 years ago, like everyone else wanted me to, he wouldn’t have been there to make me laugh when I had a horrible case of “I miss my mommy!” It was really pathetic. I was walking around the cemetery in tears, couldn’t find her grave and it just got uglier.
Yeah, I have friends who have lost their mothers but them heifers are a bunch of cry babies. They would have had a mope fest. TPL taught me how to laugh through the pain. And there is something that gets freed from my heart when I do find a true laugh in the midst of my pain. It makes the pain hurt less and my heart feel a little lighter. Speaking as someone who has cried themself to sleep due to emotional pain, I'll take the laughter every time.
He can email or text me and I can come back with “Bad day.” And he’ll stop what he is doing, pick up the phone and tell me some ridiculously funny story that will put the smile back in my stride. And I have learned how to be there and help him, too. Mostly I just shut up and listen. Sweet kind words are not what he is seeking.
Wow! Imagine what I would have given up if I had just given up on him.
BUT
...see how big that ‘but’ is? Wish I could make it bigger!
What I know is that he still gets jealous. He’s jealous at my ability to maintain friendships. He is jealous of my family life. And that is when he gets toxic. So I keeps him far away from those I wish to keep.
He is still a work in progress and so am I and so is everyone else.
I’m not saying keep everybody. Some people I had to let go for my own good. Like TFO. I still see her around and I am cordial. I learned from her, too, so truly I have no hard feelings against her and wish her the best. But as my supervisor said back when I cut her from my life, “She really could care less about you or your safety. People like that you don’t need in your life.”
Smooches babe! I let her kick rocks and ain’t looked back. *chuckle* But she has and so has TPL. We were a really fun threesome. But everything changes. Some things/people I kept and others I had to let go.
It’s mostly good though.
Quite simply becuz he makes me laugh. We are platonic friends and he makes me laugh. I have been told to kick him to the curb by my true friends. I thought about it but you know what? I know when my phone rings and I look down at caller ID and see his number I am about to laugh long and hard.
For that alone he has earned a place in my life and he is welcome to stay as long as he doesn’t turn toxic. And he can be.
Let me explain about TPL.
He is a person who believes that his life should be better than anyone else’s life. I have not guessed or surmised this with my superior (heh) intellect. He told me this himself. It took me a number of years to figure out that he will lie to make sure his life is better. I am just not sure if he believes the lie or not. *shrug*
True story: when gas prices first started to come down out of the stratosphere we were discussing the decline. I remarked that I had gassed up for $2.75/gal. He quipped in quick that gas on his side of town is $2.50/gal. I gave him a mean side eye and changed the subject. I watch the news and all the channels were once announcing where you could find the cheapest gas in town at that time it was $2.69/gal. It’s not good enough that he is getting something better. It has to be EXTRAORDINARILY better than whatever anyone else has. *smh and lqtms*
These lies get him through his day to day life, I guess, and I don’t have any need to call him on it. However, it has caused quite a number of people to fall away from him.
Our first lunch bunch back when I met him 10+ years ago was a multicultural group of 12+ of every skin color in the human rainbow. We would sit around that conference table and have a ball…until… *smh and frowning*
One day he told a blatant lie and tried to get me to back him in said lie, which I wouldn’t. But TPL has this knack of making people believe him. He gave everyone at the table a wise eye and said “Believe her if you want but I am telling you what I know.”
They all believed him. I shook my head and laughed cuz I didn’t see it as a personal attack. That was him flexing his power. Well the lie came to light as it usually does. Now this is how much he is liked until his lies are exposed, people tried to get mad at me.
I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet until you try to pin a lie on me. Uh-uh! EPIC FAIL! I flipped and let the Project Bytch loose for a minute and reminded everyone pissed that I had told them that he was lying and that they, EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM CHOSE to believe him over me without trying to investigate the truth on their own.
Everyone got quiet cuz I am usually the quiet one and I had just laid down the truth on them and it couldn’t be denied.
Our lunch bunch dwindled down to a threesome almost immediately. People did not like his lies. And I understand that. You are having fun and you go home to friends and family and regale them with stories of TPL only to find out that they are either half truths or all lies.
I take TPL for the here and now. I don’t go spreading the stories he tells me around…unless they are just that darn funny. Then I always preface them with “According to TPL”. Then it’s up to the listener whether to believe or discount the story. But it is always a good laugh. It’s a rarity cuz you never know how much is truth and how much is pure fiction.
His toxic side is just this: He will systematically destroy any relationship you have in your life if you let him.
Yes, I speak from experience. But luckily for me the relationship he destroyed is not one that I needed to keep anyway. I keep him away from the ones I want to keep.
As I said, our lunch bunch dwindled down to three. Me, TPL, and The Fabulous One (TFO). Me and TFO had struck up a friendship before even meeting TPL. Then TPL joined our twosome and those were, for a while, some of the most fun times I had ever had.
I love my girlz (my true friends) but they are a handful of crying, happy, sad, angry, terrified, mixed up, messed up, fabulous, loving, caring, crazy azzed heifers. All that emotion they bring me is tiresome sometimes. With me, TPL, and TFO it was all fun and giggles in the beginning.
I was the ever faithful sidekick to those two stars *chuckle* It was kinda like high school except now I was a sidekick instead of marching to my own beat.
TFO and I were pretty tight before we met TPL. We watched him and learned. TFO was so good at picking out his lies and taught me how to catch on to them.
Long story short (maybe I'll go into it on another post) even though we were armed with the knowledge of how he destroys other people's interpersonal relationships we still could not stop the ultimate break up and destruction of our own friendship.
TPL is just that good. He should work for the CIA or somebody. If only they could harness his talent for good.
It took me a while to write this one. Then I was talking to My Obsession this weekend and I suddenly knew what I wanted to say. What I need to explain about TPL is why I accept him for who he is.
See, 19 years ago his little sister was murdered by her boyfriend. At the time, his mother was battling cancer. The murder and then the refusal of the murderer to tell them where he hid her body broke his mother’s spirit. His mother gave up her battle with Cancer. Then a little more than a year later his father followed his wife to the grave.
So in the space of two years he lost his little sister, mother and father. He lost his sister horribly. He had to sit through a trial where the witness described dismembering his little sister.
*blinking tears* I know he is at the cemetery for his parents birthdays and anniversary leaving flowers. He goes alone. He says they are not good times for him but he feels he has to go. I know his birthday is the day his sister was murdered and that’s what he remembers every year.
I don’t know how I would come through that. That’s why I let a lot of stuff slide with him. I can’t fault him for it because we are all just human beings trying to do the best we can with the tools at our disposal. There aren’t too many guides out there so a lot is relying on yourself.
Yeah, he’s bitter sometimes. When I was first getting to know him, he hurt my feelings a few times. But guess what? I grew a thicker skin because of knowing him. It is not quite as easy for people to get under my skin as it was in my younger years.
About 7 years ago, I emailed him “Good morning!” as is usual for me. He came back with “What the fuk is so good about it?”
Ok, we talk like that to each other sometimes. So I laughed and emailed him back all the things he should be happy about. TPL came back with a reply that was full of so much venom that if words could kill I wouldn‘t be alive to write this. I can’t remember what was in it because I only read it once. I hit delete and empty. Shook my head and went about my day.
I was sick of his crap and I wasn’t about to take it. I had drama going on in my own life at the time and I had no clue why he dumped on me. We didn’t speak for 3 months.
Then one day he calls me up and says “Hey! What’s the shade?” That means, why haven’t I called. My reply was a noncommittal “What’s the shade with you?” And he told me.
See the day we stopped speaking was the day he ran into the man who helped his sister’s boyfriend dismember her. He was out of jail now and he thought it was just a fine and dandy idea to walk up to TPL and say “Hey man! How you doing?” Just like they were still the friends who had grown up together and he hadn’t cut TPL's sister up in pieces like she was meat.
He went through a lot during this period. He wanted to kill this man. And I don’t blame him. Had I known that I would have come back with something totally different than the sweet email I sent. He was hurting and most human beings lash out when they are hurting.
That was 7 years ago. We’ve both grown a lot in that time. We’ve matured, gotten smarter, and somewhat wiser and we know more of each other’s story so we are a lot more understanding of each other.
When his sister’s boyfriend/murderer got out of jail, the road was a little smoother. He was still in a foul mood but at least I knew why and I could deflect better.
Last month the BPD contacted him about the remains of a young woman’s body that they had reconstructed and asked him for DNA. We were really hopeful that it was her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her.
But this time instead of striking out at me he called me and we talked and we talked. And when it wasn’t her we talked some more.
All that to say, we are all fighting our own personal battles. He’s doing the best he can with the tools he has been given just like me. Anyone got a quick and dirty guide on how to deal with his type of pain? Yeah, didn’t think so.
If I had written him off 7 years ago, like everyone else wanted me to, he wouldn’t have been there to make me laugh when I had a horrible case of “I miss my mommy!” It was really pathetic. I was walking around the cemetery in tears, couldn’t find her grave and it just got uglier.
Yeah, I have friends who have lost their mothers but them heifers are a bunch of cry babies. They would have had a mope fest. TPL taught me how to laugh through the pain. And there is something that gets freed from my heart when I do find a true laugh in the midst of my pain. It makes the pain hurt less and my heart feel a little lighter. Speaking as someone who has cried themself to sleep due to emotional pain, I'll take the laughter every time.
He can email or text me and I can come back with “Bad day.” And he’ll stop what he is doing, pick up the phone and tell me some ridiculously funny story that will put the smile back in my stride. And I have learned how to be there and help him, too. Mostly I just shut up and listen. Sweet kind words are not what he is seeking.
Wow! Imagine what I would have given up if I had just given up on him.
BUT
...see how big that ‘but’ is? Wish I could make it bigger!
What I know is that he still gets jealous. He’s jealous at my ability to maintain friendships. He is jealous of my family life. And that is when he gets toxic. So I keeps him far away from those I wish to keep.
He is still a work in progress and so am I and so is everyone else.
I’m not saying keep everybody. Some people I had to let go for my own good. Like TFO. I still see her around and I am cordial. I learned from her, too, so truly I have no hard feelings against her and wish her the best. But as my supervisor said back when I cut her from my life, “She really could care less about you or your safety. People like that you don’t need in your life.”
Smooches babe! I let her kick rocks and ain’t looked back. *chuckle* But she has and so has TPL. We were a really fun threesome. But everything changes. Some things/people I kept and others I had to let go.
It’s mostly good though.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
No good can come from this
This will be short and quick.
No good can come from this. I am having way too much fun with My Obsession. Therefore, I know no good can come from this.
I know it. I can feel it all in my nether regions. *chuckle* I don't know who is going to fuk it up, me or him. But I know I can't possibly keep having this much fun.
If it's me...man oh man...I am gonna need prescription meds. But if its him...? *shrug* I am a lot more forgiving of other people than I am myself.
*sigh*
Anyway, he is probably out of my league. Yeah, I know its sour grapes but thats how you make yourself feel better about missing out on good things. Right?
^^^^Sounds like I watched way too many afterschool specials. So glad they won't be punishing future generations with them.
I'm done for the moment.
No good can come from this. I am having way too much fun with My Obsession. Therefore, I know no good can come from this.
I know it. I can feel it all in my nether regions. *chuckle* I don't know who is going to fuk it up, me or him. But I know I can't possibly keep having this much fun.
If it's me...man oh man...I am gonna need prescription meds. But if its him...? *shrug* I am a lot more forgiving of other people than I am myself.
*sigh*
Anyway, he is probably out of my league. Yeah, I know its sour grapes but thats how you make yourself feel better about missing out on good things. Right?
^^^^Sounds like I watched way too many afterschool specials. So glad they won't be punishing future generations with them.
I'm done for the moment.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
5...4...3...2...1...MELTDOWN!
Ok. I’ve been stalked. Twice.
First time was my neighbor at my last apartment. I moved and got a new job. Problem solved.
Second time, earlier this year. A guy who I actually thought I liked until he went weird on me. He finally left me alone.
They are both over. Ok. I should be over this now.
This should be easy. I should be over it by now. I am so resilient. I have bounced back from so much. I should be able to do this on my own. I thought I was over it. I really did. I mean, I go out at night. I don’t jump at shadows or strange sounds. I can be alone and not be afraid. I don't have the dreams where I know I am not safe no matter what I do anymore. I should be good now.
I got my blogs I lurk and one in particular there is a guy who I have struck up a cyberfriendship of sorts. For his privacy sake I'll just call him My Obsession. We have gotten rather comfy with each other and I thought I was feeling pretty safe at coming out of my self imposed prison.
But the moment I told myself I was ready to tell My Obsession my real name I got a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. That’s ok, I told myself. I walked around with it for a couple days and it went away. I felt stronger, like I was dealing with it. Like I was ok. I could do this. I can trust me again! And me says that My Obsession is a good guy and I can relax.
Then Saturday came and his emails with it. I read them and they warmed me and made me think up all manner of inappropriate responses. And I came up with a lovely one I think. But he didn’t get that one. I sent him something truly innocuous compared to what I typed below.
Suddenly, just the thought of sending this reply sent me into a panic attack. The litany in my head started. You’ve been here before, remember. Not once, chick, but TWICE! What do you want to bet that he’ll be a third? You know bad things come in threes. Do you really want to chance it? Again? Do you want to have to switch jobs, again? Move again? Start looking over your shoulder again? Stay holed up in your new place praying that you’ve shaken him again? Remember jumping when you saw a car that looked like his? Remember coming out of work to find him standing there waiting for you?
Remember all that? You wanna do that a third time? There’s just something wrong with you, chick, that attracts the wrong kind of men, now. So run from him. Go ahead. Just disappear. Its easy.
Yeah, incredibly easy. But I am a little braver than that. He knows a little of my history. Heck. How can I be honest with him about it when I can’t even bring myself to blog about it. I’ve only told a few friends and family. I thought I would blog about it all but every time I try I come up with something else to blog about.
I am strong. I was raised to be strong and independent. I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want anyone to perceive me as weak. I am holding it in and I guess holding onto it. Which isn’t good. I just thought, I was really healing.
I really like this guy. I think we might enjoy each others’ twists. The last thing I want is to dump a load of crazy on this guy. He doesn’t deserve it. I’ve had enough of it dumped on me to last me and him a lifetime. And I want to unload it! Just not onto anyone else.
So, I guess this means I need to get help.
Inhale. Hold it. Exhale.
That means asking for help. I don’t like doing that. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. I did it once. After my mother died. And still it took me a couple years to work up the nerve to ask for help.
Maybe...and this is a big MAYBE cuz I am putting a lot on a man that has no clue what’s going on in my head, but maybe if he stays true to who he seems to be it will give me the courage to ask for help.
Or maybe I should just woman up and pull that number out and make an appointment.
*rubbing my temples* Anyway, here’s what I wanted to send to him Saturday.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
5:30 am
I woke up cuz I had to pee. Its Saturday. Sleep late day. I don’t want to get up this freaking early! So, first I tried to convince myself I didn’t have to pee cuz if I got up then I would be up for the day and my bed felt so warm and comfy. If I just laid there and told myself I didn‘t have to pee then maybe I’d go back to sleep. It works sometimes.
5:52 am EST
It didn’t work. The sharp pain I got from my bladder made me think it had called me a bad name. More than a little annoyed at the bladder that was only doing its job I threw off the covers and made for the bathroom. I flipped on the light switch in the bathroom and the white light chased away the last of my warm sleepy feelings.
A little sulky over losing the argument with my bladder, I made my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I sat and sipped while I contemplated what I wanted to accomplish with my day. I made a list of errands I wanted to run. When I finished my water, I went back to bed and I hoped back to sleep.
I put on my headphones and listened to some music for a while. Next thing I knew it was after 7:00 am and I was still wide awake. Ugh! Mentally, I asked my bladder was it happy now? It remained stoically silent on the matter. Then what was I expecting. It is a bladder after all. So I gave up on sleep and I decided to get up and fix breakfast.
8:17 am EST
My home phone rang as I was finishing breakfast. As usual it wasn’t on the base. I followed the sound and found it lost in my bed covers. I checked the caller ID and cursed the early evil azzed telemarketers.
I threw the phone back on the bed, yawned and stretched before grabbing the cell and checking for drunken texts from friends. I smiled when I saw I had two texts.
First up was Betsy. She sent me a single word text : Gruml. Now what did that mean? She would hate me for replying so early. So, I gleefully hit the reply and send buttons. She never did answer me. *chuckle*
Second text was from Hotmail telling me I had an email from My Obsession! I opened my email, read his email and grinned a wicked grin I felt all the way down to my impish little toes. I stretched and yawned again before settling back in bed to compose a reply to match my grin...and fell asleep.
12:32 pm! EST
Again I woke up to the sound of my ringing phone. Damn it! Another telemarketer. I checked the time and couldn’t believe my day was being wasted sleeping! I spied my cell and remembered I was composing a wicked email to send to My Obsession when I fell asleep.
I checked the phone and my web browser awaited my action patiently. All manner of wickedness ran rampant through my mind. So, confident that I would come up with something really NSFW, I headed for the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. I caught the mischievous set of my mouth and glint in my eyes in the mirror as I finished brushing my teeth and stepped into the shower.
Steam rose up from the hot spray as I poured my favorite citrus and wild ginger gel and worked it up into a thick white foam. I thought about his last question as I made foamy circles over my skin. Who would be the woman he decided to have celebrate his end to his celibacy?
Warm butterflies fluttered happily from my stomach down below the bikini line *snort me in a bikini*. Still, I lathered my body and wished I could just grab my passport and go! Then, I sighed as I watched the lather rinsed down off my cinnamon chocolate skin. I wished I’d met him about 2 1/2 years ago when I trusted myself more and was freer.
Then I really thought about it. I was never that free, I still had a job to consider but I had such a great boss back then it would have been nothing to take 2 weeks and just go thoroughly explore My Obsession.
As I stepped from the shower my heated skin turned to goose pebbles as the chill air hit me. I had forgotten to turn on the heat. Again. It turned cold early this year. Then as is Momma Nay’s way when it comes to Maryland, Momma Nay can never quite make up her mind when the cold weather is here to stay. It can be 80 on Friday and 35 Saturday morning.
This Saturday was turning out to be chilly and gray.
I wrapped a thick white towel around me and went into my equally chill bedroom. As I rubbed vigorously at my cooling skin I longed for wishes to come true.
If they did I would wish away the last 30 months of my life.
I’d wish that when I stepped from my bedroom I would step into My Obsession’s home.
I’d find you sitting at a table. Your hands folded stiffly in front of you. The world around you a blur as I focused solely on you. You’d sit contemplating great and wonderful things as the scent of wild ginger and citrus enveloped you. I’d tiptoe close to you and ease into the chair behind you. As if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to be there, you’d scoot forward making room for me.
The towel would inch up my thighs as I got comfortable. My real name would be a question on your lips. You’d say it perfectly. Delightfully. Somehow, I knew it would sound absolutely beautiful coming from you.
I’d press closer in answer.
Your warmth would steal the chill from my skin. My toes would warm themselves against your sock covered ankles. My calves would rub themselves against your denim covered calves. My thighs would press against the warm fabric covering your thighs. My arms would encircle your waist and my fingers would find their way under your shirt to your warm skin.
There’d be a hitch in your breath as my cool fingertips roamed freely over your heated skin.
I’d rest my chin on your shoulder as I caught your ear teasingly betwixt my teeth. I’d taste my new treat with the tip of my tongue.
Yum!
My mind would be in a conundrum about whether to draw blood or not.
As if you could read my mind you’d turn your head pulling your ear free. That would be just fine. I’d have nothing but time. So instead I’d press my warm lips against your jaw and breathe you in.
*BIG SIGH*
But wishes don’t come true and the last 30 months still gnaw at my confidence. So I pulled on a pair of jeans, in honor of my yummy fantasy, and readied myself to run errands. I went to the kitchen to take something out of the freezer for dinner before heading out.
As I headed for the front door, the gray sky opened up and rained hard and coldly down on my day.
You should know, dear Obsession, I can be cold or I can be wet and still be unbothered. To be cold and wet at the same time when I don’t have to be? Ah...no. I quickly went over the errands I had to run and decided they could wait. A drizzle I could handle. A torrential downpour? Uh uh!
So, I went back to my bedroom. Took off my clothes and lay back and listened to the rain music and thought about you for awhile .
********************
That there was pretty PG13. Trust me, there’s more. *wicked giggle* Yes, I still giggle! Anyway, I was gonna describe the lingerie I put on and the towel does not survive this encounter. It gets torn to make restraints...sigh...and if you can’t guess where it goes from there then you aren’t old enough to be reading this post. *chuckle* Or you are a virgin who has been brought up in the basement of a convent and you really should head back to that basement and stay away from the internet, TV, strangers, the world outside your front door, and me. *hands on hips glaring sternly*
Mercy! He just sent me the most delicious email that I just want to run wild with! Geez Louise, if only!
First time was my neighbor at my last apartment. I moved and got a new job. Problem solved.
Second time, earlier this year. A guy who I actually thought I liked until he went weird on me. He finally left me alone.
They are both over. Ok. I should be over this now.
This should be easy. I should be over it by now. I am so resilient. I have bounced back from so much. I should be able to do this on my own. I thought I was over it. I really did. I mean, I go out at night. I don’t jump at shadows or strange sounds. I can be alone and not be afraid. I don't have the dreams where I know I am not safe no matter what I do anymore. I should be good now.
I got my blogs I lurk and one in particular there is a guy who I have struck up a cyberfriendship of sorts. For his privacy sake I'll just call him My Obsession. We have gotten rather comfy with each other and I thought I was feeling pretty safe at coming out of my self imposed prison.
But the moment I told myself I was ready to tell My Obsession my real name I got a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. That’s ok, I told myself. I walked around with it for a couple days and it went away. I felt stronger, like I was dealing with it. Like I was ok. I could do this. I can trust me again! And me says that My Obsession is a good guy and I can relax.
Then Saturday came and his emails with it. I read them and they warmed me and made me think up all manner of inappropriate responses. And I came up with a lovely one I think. But he didn’t get that one. I sent him something truly innocuous compared to what I typed below.
Suddenly, just the thought of sending this reply sent me into a panic attack. The litany in my head started. You’ve been here before, remember. Not once, chick, but TWICE! What do you want to bet that he’ll be a third? You know bad things come in threes. Do you really want to chance it? Again? Do you want to have to switch jobs, again? Move again? Start looking over your shoulder again? Stay holed up in your new place praying that you’ve shaken him again? Remember jumping when you saw a car that looked like his? Remember coming out of work to find him standing there waiting for you?
Remember all that? You wanna do that a third time? There’s just something wrong with you, chick, that attracts the wrong kind of men, now. So run from him. Go ahead. Just disappear. Its easy.
Yeah, incredibly easy. But I am a little braver than that. He knows a little of my history. Heck. How can I be honest with him about it when I can’t even bring myself to blog about it. I’ve only told a few friends and family. I thought I would blog about it all but every time I try I come up with something else to blog about.
I am strong. I was raised to be strong and independent. I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want anyone to perceive me as weak. I am holding it in and I guess holding onto it. Which isn’t good. I just thought, I was really healing.
I really like this guy. I think we might enjoy each others’ twists. The last thing I want is to dump a load of crazy on this guy. He doesn’t deserve it. I’ve had enough of it dumped on me to last me and him a lifetime. And I want to unload it! Just not onto anyone else.
So, I guess this means I need to get help.
Inhale. Hold it. Exhale.
That means asking for help. I don’t like doing that. It is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. I did it once. After my mother died. And still it took me a couple years to work up the nerve to ask for help.
Maybe...and this is a big MAYBE cuz I am putting a lot on a man that has no clue what’s going on in my head, but maybe if he stays true to who he seems to be it will give me the courage to ask for help.
Or maybe I should just woman up and pull that number out and make an appointment.
*rubbing my temples* Anyway, here’s what I wanted to send to him Saturday.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
5:30 am
I woke up cuz I had to pee. Its Saturday. Sleep late day. I don’t want to get up this freaking early! So, first I tried to convince myself I didn’t have to pee cuz if I got up then I would be up for the day and my bed felt so warm and comfy. If I just laid there and told myself I didn‘t have to pee then maybe I’d go back to sleep. It works sometimes.
5:52 am EST
It didn’t work. The sharp pain I got from my bladder made me think it had called me a bad name. More than a little annoyed at the bladder that was only doing its job I threw off the covers and made for the bathroom. I flipped on the light switch in the bathroom and the white light chased away the last of my warm sleepy feelings.
A little sulky over losing the argument with my bladder, I made my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I sat and sipped while I contemplated what I wanted to accomplish with my day. I made a list of errands I wanted to run. When I finished my water, I went back to bed and I hoped back to sleep.
I put on my headphones and listened to some music for a while. Next thing I knew it was after 7:00 am and I was still wide awake. Ugh! Mentally, I asked my bladder was it happy now? It remained stoically silent on the matter. Then what was I expecting. It is a bladder after all. So I gave up on sleep and I decided to get up and fix breakfast.
8:17 am EST
My home phone rang as I was finishing breakfast. As usual it wasn’t on the base. I followed the sound and found it lost in my bed covers. I checked the caller ID and cursed the early evil azzed telemarketers.
I threw the phone back on the bed, yawned and stretched before grabbing the cell and checking for drunken texts from friends. I smiled when I saw I had two texts.
First up was Betsy. She sent me a single word text : Gruml. Now what did that mean? She would hate me for replying so early. So, I gleefully hit the reply and send buttons. She never did answer me. *chuckle*
Second text was from Hotmail telling me I had an email from My Obsession! I opened my email, read his email and grinned a wicked grin I felt all the way down to my impish little toes. I stretched and yawned again before settling back in bed to compose a reply to match my grin...and fell asleep.
12:32 pm! EST
Again I woke up to the sound of my ringing phone. Damn it! Another telemarketer. I checked the time and couldn’t believe my day was being wasted sleeping! I spied my cell and remembered I was composing a wicked email to send to My Obsession when I fell asleep.
I checked the phone and my web browser awaited my action patiently. All manner of wickedness ran rampant through my mind. So, confident that I would come up with something really NSFW, I headed for the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. I caught the mischievous set of my mouth and glint in my eyes in the mirror as I finished brushing my teeth and stepped into the shower.
Steam rose up from the hot spray as I poured my favorite citrus and wild ginger gel and worked it up into a thick white foam. I thought about his last question as I made foamy circles over my skin. Who would be the woman he decided to have celebrate his end to his celibacy?
Warm butterflies fluttered happily from my stomach down below the bikini line *snort me in a bikini*. Still, I lathered my body and wished I could just grab my passport and go! Then, I sighed as I watched the lather rinsed down off my cinnamon chocolate skin. I wished I’d met him about 2 1/2 years ago when I trusted myself more and was freer.
Then I really thought about it. I was never that free, I still had a job to consider but I had such a great boss back then it would have been nothing to take 2 weeks and just go thoroughly explore My Obsession.
As I stepped from the shower my heated skin turned to goose pebbles as the chill air hit me. I had forgotten to turn on the heat. Again. It turned cold early this year. Then as is Momma Nay’s way when it comes to Maryland, Momma Nay can never quite make up her mind when the cold weather is here to stay. It can be 80 on Friday and 35 Saturday morning.
This Saturday was turning out to be chilly and gray.
I wrapped a thick white towel around me and went into my equally chill bedroom. As I rubbed vigorously at my cooling skin I longed for wishes to come true.
If they did I would wish away the last 30 months of my life.
I’d wish that when I stepped from my bedroom I would step into My Obsession’s home.
I’d find you sitting at a table. Your hands folded stiffly in front of you. The world around you a blur as I focused solely on you. You’d sit contemplating great and wonderful things as the scent of wild ginger and citrus enveloped you. I’d tiptoe close to you and ease into the chair behind you. As if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to be there, you’d scoot forward making room for me.
The towel would inch up my thighs as I got comfortable. My real name would be a question on your lips. You’d say it perfectly. Delightfully. Somehow, I knew it would sound absolutely beautiful coming from you.
I’d press closer in answer.
Your warmth would steal the chill from my skin. My toes would warm themselves against your sock covered ankles. My calves would rub themselves against your denim covered calves. My thighs would press against the warm fabric covering your thighs. My arms would encircle your waist and my fingers would find their way under your shirt to your warm skin.
There’d be a hitch in your breath as my cool fingertips roamed freely over your heated skin.
I’d rest my chin on your shoulder as I caught your ear teasingly betwixt my teeth. I’d taste my new treat with the tip of my tongue.
Yum!
My mind would be in a conundrum about whether to draw blood or not.
As if you could read my mind you’d turn your head pulling your ear free. That would be just fine. I’d have nothing but time. So instead I’d press my warm lips against your jaw and breathe you in.
*BIG SIGH*
But wishes don’t come true and the last 30 months still gnaw at my confidence. So I pulled on a pair of jeans, in honor of my yummy fantasy, and readied myself to run errands. I went to the kitchen to take something out of the freezer for dinner before heading out.
As I headed for the front door, the gray sky opened up and rained hard and coldly down on my day.
You should know, dear Obsession, I can be cold or I can be wet and still be unbothered. To be cold and wet at the same time when I don’t have to be? Ah...no. I quickly went over the errands I had to run and decided they could wait. A drizzle I could handle. A torrential downpour? Uh uh!
So, I went back to my bedroom. Took off my clothes and lay back and listened to the rain music and thought about you for awhile .
********************
That there was pretty PG13. Trust me, there’s more. *wicked giggle* Yes, I still giggle! Anyway, I was gonna describe the lingerie I put on and the towel does not survive this encounter. It gets torn to make restraints...sigh...and if you can’t guess where it goes from there then you aren’t old enough to be reading this post. *chuckle* Or you are a virgin who has been brought up in the basement of a convent and you really should head back to that basement and stay away from the internet, TV, strangers, the world outside your front door, and me. *hands on hips glaring sternly*
Mercy! He just sent me the most delicious email that I just want to run wild with! Geez Louise, if only!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Feminists
Feminists get on my nerves. They really do.
I mean, think about it. God in His infinite and wondrous wisdom made man. He made him with all kinds of wondrous talents. Like lifting things and fixing things and putting things together. Men don’t have to think “Righty tighty and lefty loosey”. I get confused just turning on my shower sometimes.
They like getting dirty working on cars and don’t give a crap about breaking their fingernails or getting dirt under them.
My manicurists (past and present) have always complimented me on the natural shape of my nails. The last time I chipped a nail I decided to cut it down on my own and call it a day. Afterall, it is just a fingernail and they do grow back.
However, when my manicurist saw what I had done she scolded me and gave me a FREE bottle of nail fix to hold me over until I could get to her the next time a nail chip happened. Therefore, I do my best to take care of my hands and nails becuz of all these women. My manicurist is on speed dial # 2.
So see, to me, men are just absolutely freaking wonderful. Most of the time. Don’t push it fellas. I know the same can be said for us women, too.
Then these gotdamn feminists come along and say women are equal and we can do this shyt ourselves.
Hello! *waves finger in a circle at the monitor* Nobody said we couldn’t do this ish ourselves! Read the Bible! No where in there does it say we women can’t do this ish ourselves! Its just hella more convenient and easier to let the men do it for us.
And y’all some men are so appreciative when I go all girly and let them do manish ish. Like killing bugs for me, and carrying stuff for me, and tightening stuff for me. They are so cute! Its like the more I gush the more they want to do for me. The more they do for me the more tickled I am! Its a win/win situation anyway I look at it.
I remember one time a friend of mine and her boyfriend offered me a ride home from college. On the way home he got a flat. He wanted to show us young women how to change a flat in case we ever needed to. He is one of those men who have been brainwashed by the feminists. There are a lot of them out there. I stays away from them type of men.
Anyway, I got out the car and strolled around to the passenger side where said flat tire was. I then informed him that I had no intention of ever changing a flat tire. He scoffed at me and said something insultingly highbrow I know cuz he was that type of college student.
I have always read a lot and in so doing I have a pretty large vocabulary. Therefore, I understood his insult I just chose not to respond becuz there is a God. And He seemed to be on my side this day becuz *chuckling in remembrance* as friend and her boyfriend disappeared on the passenger side to change the flat tire people kept stopping to ask me did I need help. Did I need a ride? Did I need help changing the tire?
I just barely kept a straight face. I thanked everyone who stopped kindly and assured them that help was on the way. I even got people asking did I need someone to stay with me while I waited.
LOL Oh my damn! He was hot when he got back in the car. I caught the two of them exchanging exasperated looks at least once. I truly believe that had he not believed I would have gotten a better ride home and that his car would have blown up from the bad karma he would have left me by the side of the road. They never offered to take me home again. That’s ok. Shortly thereafter college friend’s roommate put hickeys on boyfriend’s body. I ain‘t gonna go into where.
Men are absolutely freaking wonderful...most of the time.
I am truly tickled that though I have had a flat tire I have never changed a tire in my life. It is one of my dreams to be able to look back over my life and never have had to do such a thing. *shrug* You got your dreams and I got mine. Don’t judge.
But what gits on my nerves about feminists is that they have been trying to make me feel somehow less just because I like letting men do the things that they are so much more suited at doing than I.
I don’t want to chop down trees to build my chalet. When I do stuff like that I get big mucsles and my tiddays all but disappear. *shimmies Jasmine and Jocelyn* I like my tiddays becuz of how silly men act when I put the girls on display. And the way my girls sway gracefully to and fro lets me know they like being on display. So neither me nor my tiddays approve of said activity.
When men chop down trees and ish they get nice big mucscles and lovely well defined pecs. The men get pecs and I keep tiddays. It’s another win win situation as far as I am concerned.
*leans in consiratorially toward monitor*
And you know what? Now it’s just a theory but I think that a lot of times when men aren’t being absolutely freaking wonderful some feminist has done something to royally piss them off.
*shrug* Just my humble opinon. Hmm, I wonder if my old college chum did anything to royally piss off her old college boyfriend?
*leans back and tips highball glass at the monitor*
I mean, think about it. God in His infinite and wondrous wisdom made man. He made him with all kinds of wondrous talents. Like lifting things and fixing things and putting things together. Men don’t have to think “Righty tighty and lefty loosey”. I get confused just turning on my shower sometimes.
They like getting dirty working on cars and don’t give a crap about breaking their fingernails or getting dirt under them.
My manicurists (past and present) have always complimented me on the natural shape of my nails. The last time I chipped a nail I decided to cut it down on my own and call it a day. Afterall, it is just a fingernail and they do grow back.
However, when my manicurist saw what I had done she scolded me and gave me a FREE bottle of nail fix to hold me over until I could get to her the next time a nail chip happened. Therefore, I do my best to take care of my hands and nails becuz of all these women. My manicurist is on speed dial # 2.
So see, to me, men are just absolutely freaking wonderful. Most of the time. Don’t push it fellas. I know the same can be said for us women, too.
Then these gotdamn feminists come along and say women are equal and we can do this shyt ourselves.
Hello! *waves finger in a circle at the monitor* Nobody said we couldn’t do this ish ourselves! Read the Bible! No where in there does it say we women can’t do this ish ourselves! Its just hella more convenient and easier to let the men do it for us.
And y’all some men are so appreciative when I go all girly and let them do manish ish. Like killing bugs for me, and carrying stuff for me, and tightening stuff for me. They are so cute! Its like the more I gush the more they want to do for me. The more they do for me the more tickled I am! Its a win/win situation anyway I look at it.
I remember one time a friend of mine and her boyfriend offered me a ride home from college. On the way home he got a flat. He wanted to show us young women how to change a flat in case we ever needed to. He is one of those men who have been brainwashed by the feminists. There are a lot of them out there. I stays away from them type of men.
Anyway, I got out the car and strolled around to the passenger side where said flat tire was. I then informed him that I had no intention of ever changing a flat tire. He scoffed at me and said something insultingly highbrow I know cuz he was that type of college student.
I have always read a lot and in so doing I have a pretty large vocabulary. Therefore, I understood his insult I just chose not to respond becuz there is a God. And He seemed to be on my side this day becuz *chuckling in remembrance* as friend and her boyfriend disappeared on the passenger side to change the flat tire people kept stopping to ask me did I need help. Did I need a ride? Did I need help changing the tire?
I just barely kept a straight face. I thanked everyone who stopped kindly and assured them that help was on the way. I even got people asking did I need someone to stay with me while I waited.
LOL Oh my damn! He was hot when he got back in the car. I caught the two of them exchanging exasperated looks at least once. I truly believe that had he not believed I would have gotten a better ride home and that his car would have blown up from the bad karma he would have left me by the side of the road. They never offered to take me home again. That’s ok. Shortly thereafter college friend’s roommate put hickeys on boyfriend’s body. I ain‘t gonna go into where.
Men are absolutely freaking wonderful...most of the time.
I am truly tickled that though I have had a flat tire I have never changed a tire in my life. It is one of my dreams to be able to look back over my life and never have had to do such a thing. *shrug* You got your dreams and I got mine. Don’t judge.
But what gits on my nerves about feminists is that they have been trying to make me feel somehow less just because I like letting men do the things that they are so much more suited at doing than I.
I don’t want to chop down trees to build my chalet. When I do stuff like that I get big mucsles and my tiddays all but disappear. *shimmies Jasmine and Jocelyn* I like my tiddays becuz of how silly men act when I put the girls on display. And the way my girls sway gracefully to and fro lets me know they like being on display. So neither me nor my tiddays approve of said activity.
When men chop down trees and ish they get nice big mucscles and lovely well defined pecs. The men get pecs and I keep tiddays. It’s another win win situation as far as I am concerned.
*leans in consiratorially toward monitor*
And you know what? Now it’s just a theory but I think that a lot of times when men aren’t being absolutely freaking wonderful some feminist has done something to royally piss them off.
*shrug* Just my humble opinon. Hmm, I wonder if my old college chum did anything to royally piss off her old college boyfriend?
*leans back and tips highball glass at the monitor*
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The telling of me
I ain’t telling y’all jack!
Sike! :o)
Ok, so I seent (not a typo I love pronouncing this word this way) on one of the blogs I lurk a post about being honest about yourself and telling a few personal details and I thought I'd give it a go.
As I sat thinking and grinning about some of the things I wanted to share…I realized…that…some…things…could (depending on the statute of limitations)…get me arrested.
*blink blink*
Ah...no! This is one of my favorite mantras:
Ahem…Anyplace dyck ain’t running free is not for me!
I am doing my very best to stay out of places that submit you to random azz cavity searches that are in no way fun or pleasurable for me. Being traded for cigarettes is a no no. And I am not even bi-curious. Except online. *Kanye shrug* I don't understand it either.
There are reasons me and my partner in crime call each other partners in crime. I so wish I was joking…*big sigh and eye roll while smh* That said, there’s just some stuff that I can’t fess up to until I consult with my attorney about the statute of limitations on some stuff.
Dang…I really been bad, huh? I mean, I ain’t kilt (yes, kilt) anyone. I just use to be down for whatever my friends wanted to do. I thought I was having fun at the time. *chuckle* So it took me some time to come up with things I could tell without…ya know, getting into trouble. *smirk up at my wobbling halo*
*half smirk* I was having fun most of the time. You know how that is.
When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things. I Cor. 13: 11.
I am growing up. Yes, I am still growing up. I still like cereal in bed while watching my two favorite Saturday morning cartoons. *sticks tongue out at monitor*
Now that I am finally growing up, nope I ain’t grown yet, I have stopped doing a lot of the stuff I use to do. Like partying all dang night during the work week, stumbling in drunk at 3 am, deciding to stay up and fix breakfast so I can sober up, and drag my azz to work. Yeah, I know that’s pretty tame right there.
Let’s see. What else can I fess up on without having to submit to random non-sexual cavity searches?
I can be tactless at times. And I can be cruel. When I was in my teens and twenties I would spew every thought that entered my mind. I did that until I looked up and saw tears in a friend’s eyes. I had really hurt her feelings and it had not been my intention. That night I learned to think long before I spoke.
I still think tactless and mean thoughts from time to time. I just keep them to myself. Usually when I am being mean spirited it means that it’s time for a vacation.
Oh! In college, I thought I was gonna fail an exam so I decided to get drunk before the exam so I wouldn’t care. I aced the dang thing and passed the class! LOL Go figure. I do not espouse doing that, however. *looks around nervously hoping my godson isn’t lurking*
Also, my freshman year in college me and some friends got nekkid and put on raincoats with the idea we were going to go around campus flashing guys. Luckily, when we got outside in the cold night air we sobered up a bit. We realized just how stupid that idea was and promptly headed back to the dorm.
I lost my virginity at age 19 to a pathological liar. *big sigh and smh* I actually had my first orgasm at a much earlier age. I ain’t sure whether I should tell it right now. Maybe on another post. *tee hee*
I am 41 years old presently and me and my oldest sister didn’t get along the first 35 years of my life. Truth. You had to have met her back in the day. We have both changed enough that we can spend up to 4 hours in each other’s presence without fighting. At 4 hours and 1 minute call 911 cuz there is about to be a misunderstanding betwixt us that may lead to a physical altercation. I adhere to this timeline at all familial functions. I am trying to stay off the news for ignant unnecessary ish.
I have 3 older sisters. Poppa was a rolling stone so I also got a half brother and two half sisters floating around out there somewhere, too. I am, however, the youngest of them all. And I don’t think…*cough* I am…*wheeze* spoiled…ok, let me stop playin’ before a lightning bolt strikes me in the forehead. I am spoiled nicely. I am not rotten. Yet.
I am single with no kids. *gets up to do the Stanky Leg ends up looking like the Funky Chicken*
I thought I would be married by now with a couple crumb snatchers by now. *shrug* I am still having fun so I guess it’s all good. And I am 41 years old so no there will be no last minute kids coming up outta here. It. Ain’t. Happening.
I wanted children once upon a time *shrug* but the window of opportunity came and went. I couldn’t find a husband that was right for me and who I was right for.
I've had three chances to get married so far. The first guy, I use to think I didn’t fight hard enough for him before I matured enough to know he should have been fighting for me.
The second, I would have had to change who I am and I like me. I really do like me. With all my silly goof ups, missteps, falls, tumbles and imperfections, I still like being me. That said, I let that one pass, too.
The third guy? It was at that desperate time in my young womanly life when all my girlz were getting married. I wanted to join the married ladies club too. Then my old hair stylist, Teresa, gave me some advice followed by her example and I let that one pass too. Teresa told me that as all my girlfriends got married I was gonna wanna be part of the club. That I was gonna wanna marry the next guy that asked me. She said don’t do it unless I am sure he is the one I want. It’s not worth it otherwise. Then came the example not too many weeks later. I use to go weekly to get my hairdo done.
It was obvious to anyone, that Teresa’s husband loved his wife. He would be there any time she called for whatever she needed. He loved his wife and put her first in all things. One particular Saturday afternoon he displeased her. I can’t remember what Teresa’s husband did to displease her but I remember the explosion. She…dang…she destroyed this man in her salon, in public, in a room full of women. And we womenfolk all felt sorry for the husband. I remember us sitting in uncomfortable silence the whole time she lit into him. When he left, he said not one word and he had tears in his eyes. And I looked around and got the general consensus that none of us believed that he deserved what he got. It was a real quiet afternoon in the hair salon that Saturday.
The third guy reminded me a lot of Teresa’s husband. He loved me, was very affectionate and was happy with me just as I was. But I didn’t stay as I was. I was and am in transformation. He was happy and satisfied with his life as it was. He had absolutely no ambition to do anything more than what he was doing at that time. And he didn't want to be prodded, molded, and changed into what anyone else him to be either. I applaud him but...
*blinkity blink blink*
I had already outgrown him. Sad but true. I never wanted to do to him what I’d seen done to someone else. Her tirade was more than likely borne out of frustration with herself for settling. In the end she made two people unhappy. I am pretty content as I am now. But back then I wanted more and to do better and keep striving and moving. I am not that same person now and I am glad I let him go.
Now, I don’t think I am wifey material. I have discovered I am a side piece. More about that discovery later. *wink*
Oh snap! How could I forget potential mate # 4! *smacks self in the head* Jeez Louise! I met this guy at a temp job. He seemed nice enough but after 2 lunch dates and a dinner date he was ready to marry me.
*side eye left...side eye right*
I'm cute, I'm nice, and I'm funny but that in no way means that you should be ready to marry me after 2 lunches and a dinner date. Period. I can also be evil first thing in the morning. We hadn't even gotten intimate yet and he was asking me what kind of house I wanted to live in. I thought that was really great...at first. Until he showed up at my desk with an architectual magazine showing me his dream house. I liked the house. I still wasn't sure how I felt about him but I told him that my dream was to live at the beach so that I could watch the sun rise over the ocean every morning.
He responded that he'd sell his home and we could move to the eastern shore (Maryland). His only request is that we live bay side and he would use his boat to take me to ocean side every morning so I could see my sunrise.
That was sweet but a little too fast on the draw for me. My lack of enthusiasm threw him and he soon faded out too.
Every now and again, when I'm having a particularly hard day at work or in a personal relationship his face pops up in my memory. I realize I could be on the eastern shore now living with my husband and stepson totally oblivious to the madness that is driving me crazy at that particular moment. I shared that with my BFFL (best friend for life, I hope) and she put it in perspective for me. She said "Girl, for all you know you could be on the run for your life from that psycho now. Come on now, 2 lunches and 1 dinner date and he's ready to get married?"
True. So, I though I still have rough times I don't think about him wistfully anymore.
*Tapping chin*
I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve had a couple pregnancy scares. I prayed and I cried like a baby each time for those tests to come back in the negative. Both times I was in my 20’s but the guys weren’t about jack. They were not what I wanted for my baby’s daddy. After the second scare I stopped playing around with my birth control.
I am the youngest of my momma's four girls. I am spoiled ever so nicely. That is my story until I meet The Donald (call me) or The Donaldesque (please call me). After that I’ll be spoiled rotten and they will be very happy with the end result. Spoil me and I won’t turn into a mean heffa. Of course, unless that’s what you want me to be. *wink wink*
Oh yeah, I hate PETA cuz if I ever get The Donald (or someone with Donaldesque pockets) caught up and mesmerized by my cinnamon chocolate swirl, I am getting a chalet (no I cannot ski for ish I just love snow) and a mink blanket, and mink rugs, and mink pillowcases, and satin sheets (don’t wanna overdo it with the mink) and a mink coat in every classy and/or tacky color you can think of in various lengths.
All my minks will be euthanized ethically and with dignity and if PETA don’t like it I really don’t care. We will just agree to disagree like grown ups are supposed to do. But if they put paint on my minks then I am gonna have to call Pookie and ‘nem and start a war. And Pookie and ‘nem don’t give a shyt. They will kill you over a box of chicken.[Couple Robbed At Gunpoint For Chicken]
Now, I can feel peoplez getting bent out of shape like how am I just gonna go cold golddigger on y’all? It’s simple math really. Con men and other broke azz men, I am financially challenged (no money) with bad credit. *Shivers!* I just felt a great disturbance in the web. Did you feel the browsers shut down? *chuckle*
To the average everyday Joe, you can’t afford to get all caught up in my cinnamon chocolate swirl. Let me tell you what will happen. I will meet you, charm you, sex you, and OWN you. All of that coupled with the fact that I love sex and I am a great cook will have you mesmerized. And I’ll be happy with your azz for one hot minute, too. Then, cuz the devil just likes to mess with me, The Donald or The Donaldesque will finally fall into my swirl zone and become my personal ATM. Then it will be time for me to let you, average Joe, go. By this time you are beyond sprung and then you be done gone all Joe Palczynski and ish. [Joe Palczynski: A Legacy Of Pain]
So to save time and lives, I am holding out for The Donald (call me) or The Donaldesque (call me). I ain’t picky when your ends not only meet but can wrap around a plus sized swirler like myself several times.
Ok, this got a lot longer than I thought. I guess I had a lot to tell afterall...even without the um...otherstuff.
Sike! :o)
Ok, so I seent (not a typo I love pronouncing this word this way) on one of the blogs I lurk a post about being honest about yourself and telling a few personal details and I thought I'd give it a go.
As I sat thinking and grinning about some of the things I wanted to share…I realized…that…some…things…could (depending on the statute of limitations)…get me arrested.
*blink blink*
Ah...no! This is one of my favorite mantras:
Ahem…Anyplace dyck ain’t running free is not for me!
I am doing my very best to stay out of places that submit you to random azz cavity searches that are in no way fun or pleasurable for me. Being traded for cigarettes is a no no. And I am not even bi-curious. Except online. *Kanye shrug* I don't understand it either.
There are reasons me and my partner in crime call each other partners in crime. I so wish I was joking…*big sigh and eye roll while smh* That said, there’s just some stuff that I can’t fess up to until I consult with my attorney about the statute of limitations on some stuff.
Dang…I really been bad, huh? I mean, I ain’t kilt (yes, kilt) anyone. I just use to be down for whatever my friends wanted to do. I thought I was having fun at the time. *chuckle* So it took me some time to come up with things I could tell without…ya know, getting into trouble. *smirk up at my wobbling halo*
*half smirk* I was having fun most of the time. You know how that is.
When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things. I Cor. 13: 11.
I am growing up. Yes, I am still growing up. I still like cereal in bed while watching my two favorite Saturday morning cartoons. *sticks tongue out at monitor*
Now that I am finally growing up, nope I ain’t grown yet, I have stopped doing a lot of the stuff I use to do. Like partying all dang night during the work week, stumbling in drunk at 3 am, deciding to stay up and fix breakfast so I can sober up, and drag my azz to work. Yeah, I know that’s pretty tame right there.
Let’s see. What else can I fess up on without having to submit to random non-sexual cavity searches?
I can be tactless at times. And I can be cruel. When I was in my teens and twenties I would spew every thought that entered my mind. I did that until I looked up and saw tears in a friend’s eyes. I had really hurt her feelings and it had not been my intention. That night I learned to think long before I spoke.
I still think tactless and mean thoughts from time to time. I just keep them to myself. Usually when I am being mean spirited it means that it’s time for a vacation.
Oh! In college, I thought I was gonna fail an exam so I decided to get drunk before the exam so I wouldn’t care. I aced the dang thing and passed the class! LOL Go figure. I do not espouse doing that, however. *looks around nervously hoping my godson isn’t lurking*
Also, my freshman year in college me and some friends got nekkid and put on raincoats with the idea we were going to go around campus flashing guys. Luckily, when we got outside in the cold night air we sobered up a bit. We realized just how stupid that idea was and promptly headed back to the dorm.
I lost my virginity at age 19 to a pathological liar. *big sigh and smh* I actually had my first orgasm at a much earlier age. I ain’t sure whether I should tell it right now. Maybe on another post. *tee hee*
I am 41 years old presently and me and my oldest sister didn’t get along the first 35 years of my life. Truth. You had to have met her back in the day. We have both changed enough that we can spend up to 4 hours in each other’s presence without fighting. At 4 hours and 1 minute call 911 cuz there is about to be a misunderstanding betwixt us that may lead to a physical altercation. I adhere to this timeline at all familial functions. I am trying to stay off the news for ignant unnecessary ish.
I have 3 older sisters. Poppa was a rolling stone so I also got a half brother and two half sisters floating around out there somewhere, too. I am, however, the youngest of them all. And I don’t think…*cough* I am…*wheeze* spoiled…ok, let me stop playin’ before a lightning bolt strikes me in the forehead. I am spoiled nicely. I am not rotten. Yet.
I am single with no kids. *gets up to do the Stanky Leg ends up looking like the Funky Chicken*
I thought I would be married by now with a couple crumb snatchers by now. *shrug* I am still having fun so I guess it’s all good. And I am 41 years old so no there will be no last minute kids coming up outta here. It. Ain’t. Happening.
I wanted children once upon a time *shrug* but the window of opportunity came and went. I couldn’t find a husband that was right for me and who I was right for.
I've had three chances to get married so far. The first guy, I use to think I didn’t fight hard enough for him before I matured enough to know he should have been fighting for me.
The second, I would have had to change who I am and I like me. I really do like me. With all my silly goof ups, missteps, falls, tumbles and imperfections, I still like being me. That said, I let that one pass, too.
The third guy? It was at that desperate time in my young womanly life when all my girlz were getting married. I wanted to join the married ladies club too. Then my old hair stylist, Teresa, gave me some advice followed by her example and I let that one pass too. Teresa told me that as all my girlfriends got married I was gonna wanna be part of the club. That I was gonna wanna marry the next guy that asked me. She said don’t do it unless I am sure he is the one I want. It’s not worth it otherwise. Then came the example not too many weeks later. I use to go weekly to get my hairdo done.
It was obvious to anyone, that Teresa’s husband loved his wife. He would be there any time she called for whatever she needed. He loved his wife and put her first in all things. One particular Saturday afternoon he displeased her. I can’t remember what Teresa’s husband did to displease her but I remember the explosion. She…dang…she destroyed this man in her salon, in public, in a room full of women. And we womenfolk all felt sorry for the husband. I remember us sitting in uncomfortable silence the whole time she lit into him. When he left, he said not one word and he had tears in his eyes. And I looked around and got the general consensus that none of us believed that he deserved what he got. It was a real quiet afternoon in the hair salon that Saturday.
The third guy reminded me a lot of Teresa’s husband. He loved me, was very affectionate and was happy with me just as I was. But I didn’t stay as I was. I was and am in transformation. He was happy and satisfied with his life as it was. He had absolutely no ambition to do anything more than what he was doing at that time. And he didn't want to be prodded, molded, and changed into what anyone else him to be either. I applaud him but...
*blinkity blink blink*
I had already outgrown him. Sad but true. I never wanted to do to him what I’d seen done to someone else. Her tirade was more than likely borne out of frustration with herself for settling. In the end she made two people unhappy. I am pretty content as I am now. But back then I wanted more and to do better and keep striving and moving. I am not that same person now and I am glad I let him go.
Now, I don’t think I am wifey material. I have discovered I am a side piece. More about that discovery later. *wink*
Oh snap! How could I forget potential mate # 4! *smacks self in the head* Jeez Louise! I met this guy at a temp job. He seemed nice enough but after 2 lunch dates and a dinner date he was ready to marry me.
*side eye left...side eye right*
I'm cute, I'm nice, and I'm funny but that in no way means that you should be ready to marry me after 2 lunches and a dinner date. Period. I can also be evil first thing in the morning. We hadn't even gotten intimate yet and he was asking me what kind of house I wanted to live in. I thought that was really great...at first. Until he showed up at my desk with an architectual magazine showing me his dream house. I liked the house. I still wasn't sure how I felt about him but I told him that my dream was to live at the beach so that I could watch the sun rise over the ocean every morning.
He responded that he'd sell his home and we could move to the eastern shore (Maryland). His only request is that we live bay side and he would use his boat to take me to ocean side every morning so I could see my sunrise.
That was sweet but a little too fast on the draw for me. My lack of enthusiasm threw him and he soon faded out too.
Every now and again, when I'm having a particularly hard day at work or in a personal relationship his face pops up in my memory. I realize I could be on the eastern shore now living with my husband and stepson totally oblivious to the madness that is driving me crazy at that particular moment. I shared that with my BFFL (best friend for life, I hope) and she put it in perspective for me. She said "Girl, for all you know you could be on the run for your life from that psycho now. Come on now, 2 lunches and 1 dinner date and he's ready to get married?"
True. So, I though I still have rough times I don't think about him wistfully anymore.
*Tapping chin*
I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve had a couple pregnancy scares. I prayed and I cried like a baby each time for those tests to come back in the negative. Both times I was in my 20’s but the guys weren’t about jack. They were not what I wanted for my baby’s daddy. After the second scare I stopped playing around with my birth control.
I am the youngest of my momma's four girls. I am spoiled ever so nicely. That is my story until I meet The Donald (call me) or The Donaldesque (please call me). After that I’ll be spoiled rotten and they will be very happy with the end result. Spoil me and I won’t turn into a mean heffa. Of course, unless that’s what you want me to be. *wink wink*
Oh yeah, I hate PETA cuz if I ever get The Donald (or someone with Donaldesque pockets) caught up and mesmerized by my cinnamon chocolate swirl, I am getting a chalet (no I cannot ski for ish I just love snow) and a mink blanket, and mink rugs, and mink pillowcases, and satin sheets (don’t wanna overdo it with the mink) and a mink coat in every classy and/or tacky color you can think of in various lengths.
All my minks will be euthanized ethically and with dignity and if PETA don’t like it I really don’t care. We will just agree to disagree like grown ups are supposed to do. But if they put paint on my minks then I am gonna have to call Pookie and ‘nem and start a war. And Pookie and ‘nem don’t give a shyt. They will kill you over a box of chicken.[Couple Robbed At Gunpoint For Chicken]
Now, I can feel peoplez getting bent out of shape like how am I just gonna go cold golddigger on y’all? It’s simple math really. Con men and other broke azz men, I am financially challenged (no money) with bad credit. *Shivers!* I just felt a great disturbance in the web. Did you feel the browsers shut down? *chuckle*
To the average everyday Joe, you can’t afford to get all caught up in my cinnamon chocolate swirl. Let me tell you what will happen. I will meet you, charm you, sex you, and OWN you. All of that coupled with the fact that I love sex and I am a great cook will have you mesmerized. And I’ll be happy with your azz for one hot minute, too. Then, cuz the devil just likes to mess with me, The Donald or The Donaldesque will finally fall into my swirl zone and become my personal ATM. Then it will be time for me to let you, average Joe, go. By this time you are beyond sprung and then you be done gone all Joe Palczynski and ish. [Joe Palczynski: A Legacy Of Pain]
So to save time and lives, I am holding out for The Donald (call me) or The Donaldesque (call me). I ain’t picky when your ends not only meet but can wrap around a plus sized swirler like myself several times.
Ok, this got a lot longer than I thought. I guess I had a lot to tell afterall...even without the um...otherstuff.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Are you ok?
*Laughing quietly to myself*
I have discovered twitter and I love it. Its a community of all these famous and non-famous strangers telling you about what is going on in their lives at any given moment. And I just love it. I can follow the President and there's even a White House Correspondent who tweets. I can follow my favorite entertainer or just some random person who is funny or thought provoking.
Like I said, I love it!
I, of course, add my own thoughts to Tweetland. I usually tweet from my cell and thought why not include my friends and family on my tweets. The results have been hilarious.
The kids love it and think I am the funniest person in the family. My adult family and friends on the other hand keep asking me "Are you ok?"
I answer yes but then I have to wonder. Am I ok if the adults keep questioning whether I am or not. I mean not everyone questions. A few know I am just goofing around and respond in kind. But a few are concerned.
I don't know if I am going to even try to allay their fears. Is that terrible of me?
*shrug*
I mean they are just my observations as I travel through the city. I see some pretty hilarious stuff sometimes. Like the guy who likes to dress in monochrome. The first time I saw him I thought it was St. Patty's day. He was in green from boller hat to pointed aligator-esque shoes. *chuckle* If only I could have gotten my cell phone camera together but I just kept fumbling around while I laughed.
Then there was the day when I actually saw a girl with an actual apple bottom in a pair of apple bottom jeans! It was a first. I see so many girls and women with bottoms that resemble hippo bottoms in apple bottom jeans. Its a trend I'd like to see stop. SOON!
Then there was the day I was thinking about not getting a dental procedure done because of the pain involved...until I saw the MTA employee with one tooth. State workers in my state have the best health and dental insurance and this man still had but one tooth. That, in my mind, speaks to self neglect. My mind has forever been changed. I just nod, smile and pay when my dentist speaks. I don't have the straightest teeth ever but heck they are there and they are healthy. I even floss now!
Recently, a friend asked me was I going through a midlife crisis. I responded nope! I did that last year, I'm just twisted. She responded with a chuckle and has settled into the fact that from time to time she is going to get some off the wall text from me.
I love hearing my family and friends smile. Everyone is so stressed out nowadays. Laughter is some of the best medicine around but it seems to be in short supply around here. I am just doing my little part to add some laughter to some folks lives.
And it helps me out, too. When I am having a rough day, I just look through some of my favorite tweets. My all time favorite is from Aimee_B_Loved: Most girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm made of liquor and wit and SO full of shyt. *chuckle* That should be on clothing.
It just feels good to know that there are a lot of funny people out there who are making people laugh and feel good.
I have discovered twitter and I love it. Its a community of all these famous and non-famous strangers telling you about what is going on in their lives at any given moment. And I just love it. I can follow the President and there's even a White House Correspondent who tweets. I can follow my favorite entertainer or just some random person who is funny or thought provoking.
Like I said, I love it!
I, of course, add my own thoughts to Tweetland. I usually tweet from my cell and thought why not include my friends and family on my tweets. The results have been hilarious.
The kids love it and think I am the funniest person in the family. My adult family and friends on the other hand keep asking me "Are you ok?"
I answer yes but then I have to wonder. Am I ok if the adults keep questioning whether I am or not. I mean not everyone questions. A few know I am just goofing around and respond in kind. But a few are concerned.
I don't know if I am going to even try to allay their fears. Is that terrible of me?
*shrug*
I mean they are just my observations as I travel through the city. I see some pretty hilarious stuff sometimes. Like the guy who likes to dress in monochrome. The first time I saw him I thought it was St. Patty's day. He was in green from boller hat to pointed aligator-esque shoes. *chuckle* If only I could have gotten my cell phone camera together but I just kept fumbling around while I laughed.
Then there was the day when I actually saw a girl with an actual apple bottom in a pair of apple bottom jeans! It was a first. I see so many girls and women with bottoms that resemble hippo bottoms in apple bottom jeans. Its a trend I'd like to see stop. SOON!
Then there was the day I was thinking about not getting a dental procedure done because of the pain involved...until I saw the MTA employee with one tooth. State workers in my state have the best health and dental insurance and this man still had but one tooth. That, in my mind, speaks to self neglect. My mind has forever been changed. I just nod, smile and pay when my dentist speaks. I don't have the straightest teeth ever but heck they are there and they are healthy. I even floss now!
Recently, a friend asked me was I going through a midlife crisis. I responded nope! I did that last year, I'm just twisted. She responded with a chuckle and has settled into the fact that from time to time she is going to get some off the wall text from me.
I love hearing my family and friends smile. Everyone is so stressed out nowadays. Laughter is some of the best medicine around but it seems to be in short supply around here. I am just doing my little part to add some laughter to some folks lives.
And it helps me out, too. When I am having a rough day, I just look through some of my favorite tweets. My all time favorite is from Aimee_B_Loved: Most girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm made of liquor and wit and SO full of shyt. *chuckle* That should be on clothing.
It just feels good to know that there are a lot of funny people out there who are making people laugh and feel good.
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