Like I said before, it is y'all not me.

What in the hayle is going on with folks?

So the insanity continues. *smh* Let’s see. My women’s group disbanded and reformed. This is what happened. I guess about 10 days ago there was a discussion on OHN about the comments that a comedian made about feeling like he was being raped at the gas pump. A woman in the audience took him to task over it and he made a comment back to her about wouldn’t it be funny if she got raped by the audience. Not sure why he thought that was a funny comeback. The backlash over it was news for a minute.

So we were discussing it more in my women’s group. Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks for me. I am starting the transition to a higher level position. I have transitioned most of my current duties to other people in the dept. Let me say that is a little nerve racking. You wonder are you really getting a promo or being let go. *chuckle* But I am now transitioning into the new position. A lot of meetings and getting up to speed on this new project. It has been going on for over a year so I’m learning who the players are here in Bmore and in that country. As well as learning what we are doing there, what we will be doing for the foreseeable future, etc. And they like physical meetings dang it! *chuckle* So I was there at the beginning of the discussion in our women’s group.

Sometime after I left the discussion it evidently got heated between the woman who moderates the group and TG.  The two of them have bumped heads a few times in the past.  So by the time I got home, had dinner, and got situated TG had been ejected from our women’s group. It gets worse.

So, I’m on fb and talking about it with the group moderator and we are all just trying to get over it and move on. Well next thing I know, TG posts on the group moderator’s wall. TG is over 30 years old. Too old for the foolishness I saw on the moderator’s wall. So I knew a couple of her friends were online so I hop over to the group and say one of them needs to pull her to the side because she’s about to have a very public fb meltdown. I left it at that and got offline.

This was the weekend of my BFL’s grandson’s baby shower. He was a premie so we did the shower after he came home from the hospital and finally got off all his monitors.  He’s a cute little fellow. Only thing fat on him is his cheeks but they say he eats well so I’m sure he’ll pick up the weight in no time.

So Saturday I was on the road all day.  Sunday I get online to find the group disbanded and the moderator has deleted her account. Good grief, TG done bullied the woman away from fb. A group of almost 40 women all getting along fine and all it took was one to take the group down. This is an awesome reminder about being extra careful about who you let in your life. Now TG is supposed to be a mental healthcare provider. O…kay.

So by the time I get online Sunday the other ladies in the group have talked extensively about reforming the group. I mean extensively. By the time I get on line to start reading the private messages back and forth I think I read to the 20^th comment and finally just skipped to the end to say I’m on board with restarting the group.  My muse was calling me. *chuckle* She has a lot of ideas she wants me to work on and all this drama was taking up my time trying to keep up with it. And truly it just ain’t that serious.

For real, the way the two of them bumped heads, I don’t know why when TG LEFT the group she didn’t just stay gone. The two of them don’t mix well at all. *shrug* It is what it is.

One of TG’s friends said that TG was scared we’d use her personal information against her. *side eye left, pause, side eye right* I would love to know what information they are talking about. Only thing I remember her ever discussing was her ex and her job searches. And she deleted all the posts about her ex when she was done with the discussion. So I didn’t know what exactly we had on her that was so dire. I just looked at the post and smh. They keep defending her and they are all gonna be on the news.  She’s more than a little off.

Because Sunday morning I get on Twitter to say good morning to everyone. She immediately asks me did I get her message. Now, my tweetdeck stopped working last year and I lost patience with trying to fix it and just said fugg it. So I actually go online to use Twitter. Well Twitter doesn’t jump up and say, hey you got a pm. It will highlight the box but that box is in the upper right of my screen. The timeline is in the middle of my screen and that is where I concentrate.

Anyway I look up and low and behold there is a PM. So I open it and there are three. One is from TG asking me did I get her message on fb. *sighs* I go over to fb and there is a PM from her asking me did I get her message on Twitter. I’s getting tired at this point. So I respond to both PMs that I didn’t see a question in either and what was she talking about. Then I get offline to go wash clothes.

I come back to another Twitter PM asking can she trust me and am I ignoring her. To which I then give her a rundown of my weekend so far. So what is going on?  She responds oh I just wanted to know what happened with the women’s group but the past is the past and she’s gonna drop it. Smartest thing she had typed all day.

So last week they put the group back together sans TG and the moderator. I was kinda like wow but I understood the reasoning. It would just be best for all intents and purposes that if one wasn’t invited then the other shouldn’t be either. And the group was supposed to be secret. *pregnant pause* Supposed to be secret.

So my writing group does writing challenges to help us train our brains to write more. I think it is a great idea. So one of the challenges I was just in love with. It was a scene I had envisioned many times for a character that is in my head but I couldn’t write it for anything in the world. So I discussed it with the group and the discussion really uncorked some stuff that I hadn’t thought of before. So last Friday and Saturday I was brain storming and cleaning house. I really would like to beat the brakes off the teenager who keeps coming into my place when I’m out and wrecking it. I can’t believe I’m this messy! *chuckle*

Sunday I was out with my sisters in the afternoon. They both got major drama going on with them. Yikes! It is an epidemic. So I get back Sunday evening, play a few games, comment on a few posts and take myself to bed. We had dinner at Rusty Skupper’s and I had had Coldstone for dessert. I was sleepy early. Not to mention somebody on fb was really serious about something that was making me giggle like a fool. All the more reason to take my butt to bed before I got into trouble by putting my foot in my mouth.

So Monday, there’s new drama in my new women’s group. The moderator of the old group has reactivated her account on fb.  It would seem that someone snitched to her that we had restarted the women’s group and she wasn’t taking it well. So I read through the post at almost all the comments. Again, it was a long post and I think I only skipped the last 10 or so comments.

I really didn’t know why it mattered at first but then as I read, people brought up the fact that this is supposed to be a place where we can talk about anything confidentially. And they are right. Whoever opened their mouth was wrong.

So I finally get curious and go over to the old moderator’s wall wondering how bad the comment could be. *blink blink* I was shocked. Yeah. It was a bit over the top for something so small and insignificant really. She flat out said that we stole her idea and that it was shytty of us.

*blink blink* I agreed with everyone else then. Though I like this woman, no one stole anything. She disbanded the group and left fb. No one knew where she went or if she was coming back. We just put it back together and kept it moving like grownups are supposed to do. Everyday there is some drama going on somewhere. One monkey or two don’t stop the show. I was really shocked that a 40 year old woman would behave that way. I’m going to chalk it up to her having hurt feelings and keep it moving. Because in her shoes I would have been hurt, examined whether I did anything wrong, apologized if I had or chucked them the deuces if I felt I hadn't done anything wrong.

So I left them playing blues clues trying to figure out who the snitch is. But really without a confession we probably will never know who the snitch is. *smh*

We have a similar situation going on at my job. *chuckle* Like I said, everyone got issues. So once a week we get delivery from an area restaurant. CCW2 organizes it. We’ve been doing it for over a year. Well someone complained to our boss that people were too noisy coming to pick up their lunch, bringing their orders (most of us email them but whatever) and paying her. There was just too much noise coming from CCW2’s office for this person.

So CCW2 is trying to play blues clues. She decides it has to be the woman in the office next to me because she never orders. Also, every time CCW2 comes to talk to me she gets up and shuts her office door. Now that don’t mean anything but CCW2 is just livid.

Well, she sends out a notice that last week would be our final week ordering out because someone had complained of the noise level. So one of the lunch participants said that there was an empty office next to her and that maybe we could at least do lunch distribution from there. This office is in the next hallway over from us. CCW2 presents that to our boss who said that won’t work because that is the hallway where the person (singular, just one pissant) sits who complained. The walls are thin. I can hear voices from the offices on the other side of my wall just not what people are saying. I guess that was just too much noise for someone.

But see CCW2 was all set to blame the coworker sitting beside me and it was someone in one of the offices behind us. Gotta be careful playing blues clues. Another thing, when did the complaint of one person become the end of everyone else’s enjoyment? *sighs*

So everyone was tiptoeing up and down the hall last week to pay for and pick up their lunch. Someone needs to get laid and shut the f!@# up. When the sound of people laughing for a couple hours one day a week upsets your nerves, your azz is wound up entirely too tight.

So in the midst of all this, CCW1 husband done come back but they are arguing on fb. *eyeroll* CCW1’s child had to have major surgery so she’s complaining about her child will be overly dramatic and getting on her nerves. She’s twelve. It is major surgery, 6 hours or more depending on what they find when they open her up. She’s allowed to be scared. Her main fear is that she’ll wake up during surgery. It is spine surgery. She’ll be strapped down on her stomach so she doesn’t move. It is rare but people HAVE AWAKENED during surgery. This is her first surgery and if she were to awake in that position with a trache down her throat she won’t be able to tell them she is awake. Her fears are valid. This is a former medical secretary for neurosurgery typing here. I felt like knocking CCW1 upside her head.

However when her husband was going around yelling at her and her daughter for every little thing after his mother died a few months ago she let him have his dramatics. Her daughter spent most of her time in her room because every time he saw her, he found a reason to yell at her. Those dramatics were uncalled for from a 35 year old supposedly grown azz man. *sucks teeth*

Then CCW1 is tripping because of one of the duties I transitioned off to her well it just isn’t working out well. I don’t know what we are going to do about it but *shrug* it is what it is for now. Everyone thought because I did my job so well with few complaints that my job was easy. Well, they are finding out how wrong they were.

CCW2 is still fugging that dirty drug addict peen! *smh* And she almost got locked up fooling with his azz.  And I am at 2400 words and I’m tired of typing. So I may or may not complete this later.

But with what I heard from my sisters on Sunday, the drama with my BFL and her hubby, the job drama, new work load, and CCW1 AND CCW2 personal drama, and that batshyt crazy man who shot up the movie theater at the Batman movie premiere *shakes hands out* the drama on fb is just more icing on the cake than I need. I hope the group survives but if not, we tried. But real life drama is more than enough for me. I don’t need internet drama. Especially over stuff that is so silly.

*tips soda bottle at monitor*

It is y'all not me.

I have come to the conclusion that young single people are crazy. No. I am not joking. I don’t know where these people came from or perhaps it was me that was dropped on this planet from another place. But these people are seriously crazy.

I was tooling around on fb and saw one of my ebuddies talking again about how much she misses her ex mini boo. So called because of his stature. He has friend zoned her. She’s been saying this stuff a while now so it just hit me that she is serious and that she is in no way, shape or form even beginning to get over him. That she is just waiting around in the friend zone waiting for him to change his mind.

*blink blink*

So I made a comment to the post that at first glance didn’t seem harsh. Then someone else commented back and I saw that perhaps my comment was a bit harsh.  It is just that I have run out of sympathy for anyone, man or woman, in her situation. I’ve just seen it too many times. I’ve given the same unfollowed advice too many times. And I’ve felt the same sympathy too many times.

People have hit me up to support them in these situations too many times and my relationship sympathy well is low. I believe it is drought season. I am sincerely all out of f@#ks to give.  Let me tell you what is going on…

I was on BA and one of the BA fam was going through it because she thinks she played herself by having sex with a dude she’s been communicating with but not dating on her first visit. She thinks she played herself because she texted him and he didn’t immediately return her texts. It had been a day. *blink blink*

Another woman texted her man and he didn’t return her text. It had been 32 minutes. I spend that much time on the toilet some mornings because I am just having a hard time waking up. *shrug* And the cell phone doesn’t come with me when I’m in the bathroom so go figure.  Then she comes back a few hours later after their long convo and everything is just fine now. C.R.A.Z.Y.

Then another BA newbie wants advice about some dude who says he don’t want to date he just wants to chill.  And though all the women chimed in what I was thinking, he just wants to screw her and be done with it, it still was just *thought pause for the right word* ugly to see how far down black men’s opinion’s of black women had fallen. One of the BA men responded that yeah he just wants to f@#k and that in that guy’s shoes he thinks like thus: tell the girl you just want to chill which equals screwing. If she says she ain’t down for it then cool but he’s still gonna try to get her in the bed. If he does then she is done and not worthy of a relationship with him.

I have no idea if other black men on the internet feel this way.  The few predominantly black male sites I have lurked on were full of so much hate for black women it was almost a palpable thing that could reach through the computer monitor to attack you.  So I haven’t lurked on those sites in years.  And in a way I guess it does attack your psyche to know that so many black men with internet access could be so hateful to their own women.

Then there is the thing with my BFL and her husband. Then CCW1's husband left again which has her walking around looking all sad in the face.

My relationship sympathy well is just low.  I can only care about sincere emergencies.  And besides my BFL, the rest are not emergencies. They are ridiculous.

And it isn’t just black folk but I believe the whole generation of younger folk and a few in my own generation caught up in this silly game.  Everyone wants perfection. A perfect mate. A perfect relationship. Minimal work. And a perfect life.

Sticking with the black situation, black men believe that because there are so many more black women than men that that means that they can wait for the perfect mate.  They have options.  What most of them fail to realize is that if the only thing they do is screw black women over that eventually there won’t be any good black women left to date/marry. True there are other women they can date/marry but if they haven’t spent just as much time building a life as they do playing The Game then most of them won’t be wanted beyond a screw and if they can’t do that well then they won’t be wanted period.  And after a certain age they’ll need a pill to even get it up.

Like CCW1’s husband for example. Yeah, he’s finding other women to screw but evidently he isn’t as good at it as CCW1 thinks because so far no one will take him off her hands for long before they either put him out or break up with him period. They ain’t trying to let him move in.  The married chick he was messing with was having a ball playing mind games on CCW1’s fb wall until CCW1 told her that she would tell her husband.  Married chick shut the hell up and that was the end of her.  CCW1’s husband was good to f@#k around with but she wasn’t messing up her marriage over him.

And there have been other affairs but none of those women want him for good. *smh* But his dumb azz stays out there trying to find someone other than CCW1.  And her dumb azz takes him back every time another chick leaves him homeless.

I have a coworker who is an advocate for adoption as she AND HER HUSBAND adopted two children. Right now black males, even infants, are the hardest children to find homes for. I went to one of her talks on adoption. She invited in an agency that had black children waiting and needing to be placed so badly they were going around holding seminars like Amway.  Do you know how sad that is? No one wants black kids. Not even us.

She tried to talk me into adopting an INFANT a couple years ago.  I just barely kept my professional demeanor in place.  If I had wanted to be a single parent I wouldn’t have waited until my 40s to have one, first of all. Second, babies are adorable until they start to deprive you of sleep. I love sleep. I ain’t giving it up for any little poop factory no matter how cute they are.  I may regret that one day but today ain’t that day.

So black men ain’t as in demand as they think they are. They keep f@#king over perfectly good women and then wonder why they can’t find a decent mate. Instead of treating all women they meet with love and respect. If she ain’t the one for him then let her know and move the hell on.  These games always bite everyone in the azz in the end.  Especially black men.

I hear women complaining about hating to date but wanting a boyfriend/man/husband. *blink blink* I really don’t even know where to start with that whole sentiment. Seriously. I have no clue what that means nor do I even begin to understand that concept.

Not to mention that a lot of the younger women want perfection too: tall, handsome, rich, with well endowed, good in bed, childless, and generous. *blink blink* Even Prince Charming didn’t have all that. He was rich, cute and childless. We ain’t heard not nan thing about whether he was generous or well endowed or good in bed.

Everyone seems to want so much with so little effort. *slowly shaking my head*

You know, if I had the chance to be a young woman again right now I wouldn’t take it.  These young folk got too many damn issues and I have run out of f@#ks to give.  I am just as content to sit on the sidelines and watch. I ain’t even entertained anymore. It is just ridiculous at this point.

*walks away apathetically*

The book I just read

I just finished reading Never: An erotic retelling of Peter Pan by Elizabeta Brooke. *shifts pelvis* That story was awesome. It was so delicious. I find it kind of surprising because there were quite a few homo sex scenes. At 44 I don’t go in for that stuff at all. But I enjoyed reading it nonetheless. They didn’t arouse me but they did captivate me if that makes sense.

The book was so lush with yummy descriptive details that I just wanted to go talk to someone who enjoys and loves men as much as I do. But there is no one so I come to talk to my future self. Or perhaps some passerby. *smile*

Yes, I have my women’s group. I’ve got two now actually. One my women’s group and the other my writers’ group. But nowhere to just sit back and talk to women who enjoy men. Most of them are going through issues with men or lack of men in some cases right now. Some I can relate to and some I can’t. Yes, men have their issues and are nasty. We women have our issues and can be nasty too. The difference is that men seem to be more willing to put up with us than we are willing to put up with them. They don’t want to change while we do nothing but change. It is an interesting conundrum. But I didn’t come to talk about that.

OHMIGOSH!  That book stirred so many thoughts and feelings in me. I loved the torture! Yes! I typed that out loud! Ha ha!  Believe it or not there was a triumphant feeling behind that declaration. At the end of that book I just felt like going out and living in the moment! But of course that is not possible.

In Never Land (yes spelled like that) the men are all sterile yet virile and both men and women have all been tested. You can have your way with them or they can have their way with you with no thought to the repercussions like here in the real world. I wonder would someone give me money to invest in such a business venture? A fantasy island where all your most decadent dreams can come true? Or does it already exist and the price is well out of my range? *sighs*

That is the danger in these type stories. They make you want to do reckless things and I have no one to talk me down. *chuckle* And I do need to be talked down. This world we live in is a brutal and unforgiving place. The one who usually talks me down is my BFL but she would never read such a book. At least I don’t think she would. One never knows. Maybe I’ll bring it up at our next lunch.

*insert bad French accent* Still, zee ideas zay gets me! *chuckle* I wonder will I still remember what the previous sentence and accent are from when I am old.  I wonder will I pull out this book and read it again when I am old or will it be too much of a reminder of my regrets.

I’ve never done anything sexually that I felt the need to be scrubbed afterward. I mean I have done something sexually that made my shamed afterward but that had more to do with my conscience than my morals. Or are those one in the same? *shrug* Anyway, it was more of who I did it with than what we did.

I’ve done the outside thing, the freaky positions, the voyeurism, etc. I turned the lesbian experience down. I just truly don’t feel women like that. *shrug* I’m allowed to be as hetero as they are allowed to be homo.

I just would like to do something that will have me getting close to the pearly gates where the Bible says you will be cleansed and given a new white robe and St. Peter will look up and go “Oh not you already! Everyone behind her take a seat. It is gonna take a minute to get her clean!”

*chuckle* Not just something bad but something deliciously bad that I will enjoy. Something that will have me grinning sheepishly at St. Peter awful sorry I’m caught but not terribly sorry about the fun I had. But those memories will be washed away. I won’t regret a thing because I won’t remember it.

Do I believe that? Of Course! Somewhere in the Bible it says as you believe so it shall be. That’s why I’m real careful about who I condemn to Hell. I ain’t through living yet. I might end up on the same level of sin of some folks. One never knows. So I try to condemn folks to Purgatory for a millennium or two. That gives me some wiggle room too.  I might need that wiggle room if I ever get to my Never Land.

Of note is that I pretty much figured out the ending. If I had remembered one key detail I’d have had it 100% right. *chuckle* And I love the little f@#k you she left behind for the man who thought he controlled her. Why do men always try to control us? Why don’t they work on controlling themselves instead? The world would be a safer place.

So I’m going to go sit and think about that book again. I might even open it up to the part with the twins. *sighs* I never thought of having twins before. *wiggles eyebrows* And have an “If Only” moment.

*tips water glass at the monitor*