I was right...

She just confirmed my suspicion. She is thinking about having sex with the diseased peen! *smh* I told her to do her.

W.O.W.

Also, I read over the other crazy coworker's post and it is actually NINE pages long. It only captures the nonsense up to May 2011. So much more happened after that. *lol* I won't be updating or posting. I know what I need to know about her and I'm over it.

These two call themselves Christians. *glances Heavenward* I wonder what Bible they are reading from because I swear the ones (yes, plural) that I've read from don't have the Lord Jesus doing any of this.

*skips off to find caffiene*

Coworker vent...

Sometimes I really do think I am crazy. That perhaps I should be on meds. I think this because people look at me like I'm crazy for not only backing their nonsense but joining in on it. Sometimes, I think that perhaps I should join them in their drama and insanity. Then I go home, have a nice dinner, chat with some folks and got to bed. Then I wake up and realize that I ain't that crazy yet.

So, I've been aluding to but never posting about one of my coworkers. That is because after the post about her got over seven 8-1/2 x 11 inch pages with 1 in margins long and I still wasn't finished with her story, I stopped typing and called TPL. I figured with as many lies as he's told he should be able to sort her out. He gave me part her, that she is one of those people that likes people to feel sorry for her. That felt partially right, then I got the other part of her a couple weeks ago. She likes people to feel sorry for her so that she can beg from them for her needs while spending her money on her wants. It was working up until her birthday.

Incredibily long story made short and simple: After much drama and gifts from her that include a car, her husband kicked her out of the section 8 house. *chuckle* So that was in September. She hated him blah blah blah. Fast forward to December and he throws her a birthday party. *blink blink* At the section 8 house that he kicked her out of in the first place. And only 3 people showed up...and she's mad because more people didn't show.

She said she 'was feeling some kinda way about it for a while but she was over it now'. Her exact words. I felt like calling her out her name and saying: You have taken everyone - friends, family, and coworkers - on a rollercoaster ride for the last 3 years with this ninja that ended in him taking your cell phone bill money to bail his sister out of jail for assaulting her boyfriend and then kicking you out the house and you're mad because more people didn't show up at HIS house for a birthday party for you because you two have kinda sorta made up. For real?

I was speechless. I let her talk and when all I could say in a voice as flat as I could get it was "Oh. Wow." she left my office. smh

Then the other one is talking about hooking up with her baby daddy because she's horny. Normally, this wouldn't even be a blip on my radar because people do this all the time. However, the last time she had sex with him, he gave her chlamydia and her blood tests now show she has been "exposed" to Herpes. Apparently, now you can be exposed to Herpes without getting it. *shrug* I can only keep up with so much. Anyhoodles, I'm looking at her like she has lost her mind and she's whining that she's horny.

O...k...fine...but that ain't the only dinga in Maryland. Why not try something new and get it tested before you do it or at least wear a condom. *sniggle* Now, I don't feel bad about using hand sanitizer after the last time she touched my hand. *sniggle* I felt bad then but not now.

I'm 44 years old and by the grace of God, I've never had an STD/STI. Not that I was particularly that careful, I was just blessed until I smartened up. So for me to get one now and have to go through the embarrassment at my doctor's office? Trust and know that the last thing on my mind would be having sex with a guy who gave me an STD/STI again. Killing him and hiding the body? Yeah. I'd go to sleep fantasizing about it. Having sex with him again? Please don't make me smack you.

These two prove to me daily that stupid comes in all colors. smh I won't lie and say I don't miss the feel of a man beside me and inside me but...errr...uhhhh...I don't miss it that much. It truly ain't that serious.  Especially since I know there is a) plenty of dinga out there and b) a lot of it is even clean dinga.

I told her to change her numbers and seek some counseling. I bet she is still in there dreaming about diseased peen. smh

To each his/her own.

Just in case I suddenly disappear...

*cue Twilight Zone music*

So…it has been a strange day.  A very hectic day.  I just want to go on record as stating that if I suddenly stop writing one day, and some Info-techno-anthropologist someday finds these missives and wonders whatever happened to the writer the crazy white guy on my job probably went off and did us all in.

*serious face*

No, there isn’t any one thing that I can put my finger on as believing that he will explode.  It is just a feeling I can’t quite shake that there is something not quite right about him.

Let me just say that he is in a managerial position and he’s had it for longer than a year.  Every day it is more and more evident that he doesn’t know what he is doing.  He doesn’t remember what was discussed even a few hours ago let alone the day before or last week.

Case and point: I was working on sending several subcontract modifications out for one of his accounts today.  He and the coordinator in charge of the project were standing in my doorway going back and forth.  He was swearing that he had given me a modification that he hadn’t last week.  I was about to pull up the email so he could see that he hadn’t given it to me on Friday.  When he finally paused for a breath the coordinator said: I just gave it to you this morning.

The look that passed between them! Wow! All I could think of was the line from A Perfect Murder: That’s not happiness to see me. *concerned sound*

At that point I closed my office door.  This is the second time the two of them have been in my office trying to prove to each other that the other one is wrong in less than a week.  So far he is O for 2.  The last time they were both wrong and I didn’t even bother to correct them.  In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t necessary for them to be right.  It was only important that what needed to get done, got done.  And thanks to me and my boss, it did.

He gets more and more frustrated at his own mistakes.  Then he tries to play it off like he’s not frustrated or angry and everything is good. *skeptical all day long*  Everything is definitely not good.  He’s working with the wrong person’s accounts to be messing up.  There’s an ocean between him and this woman and she can still raise hell from where she is.  I’ve seen her in action. It was not pretty.

There’s so much more to add to this but I just don’t feel like going into it right now.  But I thought I’d go on record as saying something about him ain’t right.  I just got a weird feeling about the guy.  Like I said there isn’t an instance that I could go to personnel and say: Hey! He’s crazy! This is why. Do something about him.  It is just a feeling.

So if I disappear, look for news on office shooting in downtown Baltimore. *sips eggnog with shaky hand*

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!

*dramatic pause and exasperated chuckle* They sucked me back in!!!! *smh at myself* I made the mistake of checking my email yesterday and found everyone was looking for me. I left a fb message but evidently when I deactivated the acount it did so immediately. I could have sworn the last time one of my fb buddies left fb their page was up for a couple days before it disappeared. So I had to sign back on to let everyone know I was fine.

Jeez! I'm turning into a drama queen online! *smh* And that truly isn't my intention. But I have cut back. That layout truly is horrible. They don't have to worry about me being on fb often. Ugh! I guess I am a very linear person after all. It is kind of set up like the front page of a newspaper that is run by lunatics now. There are way too many blocks on the screen and each one has something different going on in it. They offered me a tutorial.

*blank stare*

If I need a tutorial on it then it isn't entertainment. It is work. I get paid to work. I ain't seen a dime from fb.

I did make sure everyone had my email to contact me and my skype. *chuckle* Yes! I skype now. I haven't given out my new cell because I'm not happy with this service so I may be switching and changing numbers again. The person who had this number previously has a lot of bill collectors calling looking for him and I am not so inclined to call them back and let them know this isn't his number anymore. *lip smack* Not my job. My phone is always on vibrate when I'm at work. My family has my office number so if it is an emergency they can call me directly. So during the day these calls go straight to my voicemail and I delete them.

*eyeroll* So I ain't feeling this service or number too much. *sighs* Glad I went with pay as you go before signing up for a plan.

Anyways, I'm back on fb but I think I did detox *chuckle* because I don't feel like I need to be on there. Yesterday was truly weird with the migraine and queasiness.

Facebook withdrawal...

*pained groan* It is day 3 of no FB and I woke up this morning to a migraine and my stomach turning. Is this even possible? I haven't had a drop of alcohol this weekend. I started to have some spiked eggnogg last night and I'm glad I didn't because I'd be blaming that this morning. I just broke down and took 3 extra strength Tylenol. I am laying here waiting for them to kick in.

*groan* I can't believe this is from no FB. Can it? I know yesterday the melody from one of the games kept playing in my head. lol Then I went shopping and was going to make a recipe from my cooking group and remembered I never copied the recipe over. *sighs* I'll figure out something to do with the ingredients. They will not go to waste. That is if I can get rid of this migraine. I am not in the mood for food right now. *halfhearted smile*

Facebook is a devil and I decided to stop being its bytch.

*half smirk* As of 12:10 am EST today I deleted my account. I got a preview of the new change to fb and decided it was time to jump ship. *eye roll* Way too much information coming at me on opening the damn thing and no way to turn it off.

From my 14 - 15 months on fb I found that I am easily sucked into it. I've signed on to it on a Saturday morning just to say GM and check my games *chuckle* and then planned to head out to do errands. Low and behold 2 hours later I'm still there! So the new format would not have worked for me and my real life offline. *chuckle*

Now, however, I'm going through withdrawals! lol I quit twitter last year. I can only breeze by OHN and BA gets quiet around the holidays. People got ish to do.

I use blogs and fb to fill in the space as I wait for people to reply to emails, return calls, conference calls, etc. So now what do I do with my time. I hate waiting for anything. My mind always has to be occupied with something and now I have dead air. Maybe it is time to job hunt again?

I know, heffa what? lol I just need something to do at all times. Last night after I deleted my account, I turned off my laptop and lay in bed with my legs shaking. *chuckle* The withdrawals had started.

Oh man oh man...

The Auto Auction

So let me start this at the beginning. So our present governor, Martin O’Malley, is a complete azz. He has raised the taxes on everything and cut back on everything all so that he can say he left Maryland with a billion dollar surplus when he runs for president. I can taste his presidential run. Do not vote for this man, America.

Anyway, MTA in Baltimore does not go your fukking way. Tuesday, I had the worse ride home. I had so many different people’s pelvises pressed up against me I swear I needed a cop, a CSI, a bath and counseling by the time I got off the bus.

So, Wednesday I had taken the day off to do some errands. Nothing like doing errands on a week day when most kids are in school and most adults are at work. I remembered that Baltimore’s impound lot has their auction every 2 weeks on a Wednesday. Lucky me, or so I thought, they were having one on my day off.

I figured if nothing else, I’d spend a few hundred dollars on a car that would get me from point A to point B and spare me the little piece of Hell that is Maryland MTA presently.

My last car was bought at the Bel Air auto auction and it ran great until I sold it. It needed more work than I wanted to put into it after a few years. I sold it to someone who worked on hoopties and everyone was happy. Gas prices were/are on a rollercoaster ride. I figured I’d wait it out. I didn’t know O’Malley would lose his damned mind and shut down mental homes and just release them into the streets of Baltimore with the rest of the moderate crazies. Can’t tell who is who anymore.

Bay…be. The stories I could sit here and type if carpal tunnel were not a factor.

Anyway, I woke up to a warm rain and thought maybe that would work in my favor. That perhaps the crowd wouldn’t be too thick. I’d never been there before. If nothing else, I appreciate the experience. I hope I never have to go back.

It was one of the most desolate places I’ve ever visited. I’ve been in cheerier cemetaries. While in the Caymans I took a tour to a little spot called Hell. I don’t have any pictures because it disturbed my soul. This place could have been Hell’s parking lot.

It was raining so everything was muddy. There was no grass. Not even WEEDS!!!! You know weeds grow any and every damn where. But nothing grew there. The mud was cracked like in a desert. I didn’t want to step in it for fear that I’d track something toxic back out of the gates and into the world.

Sound dramatic? Well, that’s how I saw it. Can’t help that.

There were rows and rows of cars in different states of death and decay. Some didn’t look too bad, like maybe their owners just didn’t have the money to pay their fines and get them back. While others looked like they had been there since they were new. There were actual burnt out cars, which stressed my soul because I wondered were there people in them when they caught fire. Several accident wrecks that made me wonder about the condition of the people who last rode in them. Then there were a couple vehicles with some suspicious dried blood colored splotches in them.

You’d have thought that would have been enough to send my azz right back out the gates and back to civilization, right? Well, there is nothing civilized about Baltimore’s transit system anymore so I stayed.

At the Bel Air Auto Auction, you are allowed to come and inspect the cars the day before auction and 2 hours prior to auction. Then you go and sit or stand in a large open air building and they drive each vehicle into the building and you bid there. In a covered building. Protected from the elements.

At the Baltimore Impound Lot…they put one of those bull horns atop a small city pickup truck. You know, one of those small trucks that is about the size of a VW Beetle. I can’t tell a Lexus from a Lincoln so I never know the name of any vehicle that I’m not responsible for.

In front of the pickup with the bull horn is another vehicle with a driver and a guy with a clipboard. The guy with the clipboard is key here. He calls out the numbers of the cars to be auctioned off. He yells off the numbers to the auctioneer. The auctioneer is the poor sucker who gets to walk the impound lot with us bargain hunters looking for a deal.

For nearly two fricking hours I walked out there in the rain, in the cracked mud, among abandoned vehicles. There were a couple trucks that made me sick in my heart. They were definitely workman’s trucks. Someone who was a skilled laborer. Their tools were still in the bed of the trucks. They sell as is at the Baltimore Impound lot. So how ever they got them, that’s how you get them.

We passed one car with a condom sitting up on the dashboard. I hope dude had a back up. People’s lives were still in these cars. Telling stories. *hunches shoulders* It was too creepy. I didn’t buy anything.

Not that I didn’t bid. Old cracked faced, tanning booth, biddy kept out bidding me! Heffa! After a while I got pissed and bid on one she was about to get dirt cheap. Like for $200. I had zero interest in this vehicle with four flattened tires. I was just pissed that she had outbid me on every vehicle I had been interested in. I refused to let her get this one dirt cheap. My dumb azz bid $450 on this vehicle that would surely need to be towed, repaired, excised, blessed, and a miracle performed on it to even get it to turn over. I am sure she just wanted it for parts. There were a few people there buying up junk cars.

Anyway, after my bid, I just knew she was going to nod $500. Heffa turned and walked away. I almost yelled: Bytch get your old azz back here and buy this damn car! *chuckling* That learned my azz. For a minute there I almost had it. My heart sank at having to fork over $450 on a vehicle I knew didn’t work. Then her partner called to her and she looked back at it and nodded to him. Then he bought it. *relieved sigh*

But through it all, I had to stifle the urge to shudder at the scene before me. At one point it was raining so hard and there were so many people that I didn’t put up my umbrella because it just would have been hitting people in the head. A thought ran through my mind real fast: I hate buying junk.

There it was. I hate spending my hard, hard, hard, HARD earned money on junk. I stayed the whole auction, even through the scooter auction but I didn’t buy a thing.

And I didn’t feel bad getting my azz back on the bus to go home either.

I’ve decided I’m going to try my best to be a very good person in this life. I am hoping to make it to Heaven. I am hoping that God will ask me is there anything special I want if/when I get to Heaven. And I’ll reply, Yes, Lord. Let me chose O’Malley’s purgatory. I don’t think it is too bad. He gets to ride a bus for a millennium or two. Just getting on sardine packed tight buses and getting off to wait in the heat, rain, cold, snow, hail, etc for a couple thousand years. Having total strangers pressing their private parts against his body. See how he likes having a guy’s pissy smelling crouch beside his face while he’s sitting down on an overcrowded bus on a summer’s day with no AC or *excited yell* OR on a cold winter’s day with the heat so high it feels like it is 100 degrees Fahrenheit and you’re melting inside your winter coat. See how he likes having crazy people talk to him about whether or not they will die poor and he hasn’t even made eye contact with these loons.

Oh yes…yes yes yes yes yes! I’m betting they’ll be others in Heaven that will have even better ideas and we’ll have a millennium or two to make sure he feels our pain. I’ll be sure to show him just as much mercy and consideration as he’s shown the working class citizens of Maryland.

*sighs* I bet I have some good dreams tonight. ‘Night…

I want to say something on BA buuuuuuuuut...

Last night on BA a rather spirited conversation started about the value of peen vs coochay. Long story short peen is free and coochay is *pause* not free. *chuckle*

A bit of a war broke out and I wanted to join in this afternoon but I noticed something. The fellas have all gone silent and into hiding. *chuckle* This cannot be good. I figure too many of their manly nerves got struck. But one of them had the nerve to say coochay is worthless. *blink blink* On a site owned and operated by a woman, for women, and where the overwhelming majority of the posters are women.

Um...no bueno.

Anyhoodles, what did surprise me is that there were only a few of the regular women posters reading the guy. The rest of the ladies were very quiet on the matter and that was another reason for me to still my fingers and sit back and take stock.

This guy is a new poster whose story just doesn't add up to me. Another reason I don't advocate internet dating. The Y chromosone is the lie chromosone. Period. Men are good liars in person. On the internet they are freaking brilliant at it. *smh*

I hope not too many of the chicks fell for his lies. As soon as he popped up spouting off about all the people he knows with money and how he's just stacking bills etc my BS meter sprang to life. *chuckling* He sounds like someone who is on the outside looking in at the wealth and has gleaned just enough knowledge to fool someone who is naive, be she from the projects or a small midwestern town. He just doesn't sound like he spends oodles and oodles of time around rich folk as someone they would socialize with. Heck, he doesn't sound like someone I would socialize with and I'm basic. *shrug*

Last week he was bragging about his $10k ghetto blessing. His words not mine. Though, $10k in this economy isn't a lot of money, I wouldn't call it a ghetto blessing. I'm not even sure what that would be. No blessing God bestows upon me is small or considered ghetto to me. A ghetto is something most people with sense aspire to get up and out of. A blessing is something people hope, beg, plead, and pray for. I mean, I've never prayed to live in the ghetto, not even a French ghetto and I so would love to live/visit France but not to live/stay in a ghetto. No thanks. So, I'm not sure why he was downing his alledged cash winfall that he wasn't expecting.

I know $10k would make a lot of women (and men) drop their panties. *shrug* To each his/her own. That's the price of a sensible used car, so it is nothing to sneeze at but you still have to pay insurance, gas, maintenance, emmissions test, and registration. Yeah. I wasn't impressed but good for him if it was true.

It did make me sigh though. Why ninjas always got to tell everyone when they got money? I don't understand it. I mean, if he was doing what I suspected from jump, trying to get some chicks to give him some play, then yeah it would work for some women and not for others. *shrugs and sighs*

Anyway, I couldn't say this on BA because, I think the fellas are already in their feelings. *chuckle* Sometimes it is best to just STHU and leave well enough alone. Everything that needed to be said had been said.

Of note though was the difference in how this conversation about women/coochay being worthless went down as opposed to the chick who showed up on OHN and said black men ain't sh__.  OHN cussed her out and told her to die or something along those lines. My BA ladies engaged him in facts and examples. *smiles* They are some witty and intelligent women on that site. And the regular long time male posters STHU. *LMAO* So they are pretty smart, too.

I think the question should be: What’s wrong with black men?

So, I’ve spent some time ruminating on the subject of why everyone wants to debate what is wrong with black women. There was an article published not too long ago that said our latest problem is that we think too highly of ourselves now. *blink blink* How is that possible? First, we had low self-esteem issues. Then nobody wanted to date/marry us. Then we are just riddled with all these bad statistics on health and wellness. Our wealth factors are not discussed. *smirk*
Soooooooooooooo…how is it possible that we think too highly of ourselves?

*snort chuckle smh*

The critics need to come together and come to a consensus and stick to it cuz they’re losing their core audiences with the way they keep flip flopping on the issue.

I was on Baller Alert and there was a really good conversation going on between the few men smart enough to carry on the conversation and brave enough to give their honest opinions.

Basically it sounds like the average black man wants a woman to:

Cook and clean like Martha Stewart:

Earn like Claire Huxtable:

Sex like whoever is hot in the porn industry now. I wouldn’t know because I like Hentai. Judge me all you want. I really don’t care.

All while looking like this:

Meanwhile, they don’t even meet us halfway. I swear if I had a nickel for every man who stepped to me looking like a just cleaned up version of Ned the Wino from Good Times while I’m dressed and carrying it like Mrs. Heathcliff Huxtable I would probably have a good $50,000 in the bank.

*looks at pick* Heck, they don’t even look that good half the time. Then they have the nerve to get mad after I respectfully decline them. Like I am in the wrong.

And I don’t know who started that missing your blessing phrase but it needs to be retired becuz these fools actually think they are a blessing to somebody other than their lonely mothers who spoiled them so rotten that no woman can put up with their ignorant, simple minded, immature azzes and they end up living with her until she dies. Guess what mom? Once you die then your spoiled azz baby boy will be all alone because no one wants him.

*shrug*

I’m trying to figure out why I am supposed to be happy to go sit on the steps of your momma’s house or worse where you are renting a room in my outfit that from head to toe cost around $300 (told you I’m a basic chick). Like, seriously? Dude, do better.

No, that is not all black men or all black men in Baltimore. Just the ones that get indignant at the rejection. Red Lobster is considered the height of fine dining for them. And they only make it over there if it is income tax time (if child support isn’t hunting for their refund) or they found a chick who doesn’t mind treating them. I mind. A man is supposed to be the protector and provider. Get on your job.

If I said the words Niche Bai Kai, Kobe’s, or Fogo de Chao they wouldn’t have a clue what I was talking about. Heck, Ruth Chris would probably sail over their heads, too. If I said I was in the mood for Greek or Indian food they’d tell me to stop by the colonel’s and pick up a four piece meal for them on the way back. They’d accuse me of acting white. I have already been told on multiple occasions that I sound and act like a white woman.

*side eye* No, momma’s boy, I am not acting like a white woman. I am a woman who has come a long way from the high rise projects where I was born. I am a woman who has tasted a few of the finer things in life and like and appreciate them. I am a woman who wants to continue to do better. I want to see how far I can get from that little project baby girl I was before I die. I am not competing against a single person on this planet. Not even myself. I just want to see how much I can grow as a person.

Now how are you supposed to keep me or how am I supposed to keep me in the style that I am accustomed to if you can’t meet me? Because if you can’t meet me then I’m gonna have to help you meet me, right? Which takes away from my already meager earnings. And if you can’t afford to keep me then how in the world are you going to keep this:

So I think I understand now what the average black man is complaining about. They are going to have to do some soul searching and conventions and bus trips to work it out amongst themselves. Becuz I really don’t see a way around this other than they are going to have to work harder and be better in order to get better.

I mean, come on now. I’m a basic woman and once I am dressed for work, forget socializing, just for work my clothing costs are beyond the average black man.

Hair: Natural so you get a break there.

Panties: $6

Bra: $40 – big boobs need good support.

Slip: $30

Hose: $6

Dress: $70

Tennis shoes for walking to and from work: $60

Shoes that I wear at work: $80

Purse: $50 that’s just my every day purse.

Earrings: $20 for the gold studs in second hole; $300 for earrings in first hole

Necklace: $300 – probably underestimating as the price of gold has gone up since I bought the necklace and pendant that I wear regularly to work.

Dang! I underestimated big time. The total for the above ensemble is: $962. Add coat, scarf and gloves in the winter and the price goes up another $400. In all honesty, that’s how I carry it when I am going to work. We are not even going to get into when I socialize.

So again, why is the above the curve black woman supposed to want to be with a man who can’t even reach basic me?

I mean let’s be honest here. Who wants to struggle financially? It causes worry lines and stress. Stress ages you prematurely, causes health problems, disrupts sleep, and forget about sex.

If you are one of the truly pretty/beautiful people aesthetically speaking and you can find someone to work like a fool for you then why should you be poor, broke, busted and disgusted?

To tell the truth the only men I seem to hear complaining about it are black men who came from poverty and suddenly became rich. You know the athletes, rappers, musicians, actors and such. And of course the average every day black man. Gosh! Poor black men really are behind the curve of every other man on the planet, huh? I mean even Caucasian men who come up disadvantaged financially still know the status quo once they become rich and you don’t hear not nan complaint from them. Meanwhile, as soon as a poor black man gets a win fall then black women are golddiggers. However, ‘exotic’ women are worth paying the price. *rolling my eyes and smh*

If you want beautiful, intelligent, witty, sexy women, regardless of skin color, then you have to pay the price. To quote the often quoted phrase on BA: A pretty girl/woman should never have a wet butt and an empty purse. *smh* They just don’t go together.

I know youth and beauty fade but you know what? They fade a lot slower when they are well taken care of. All that black don’t crack stuff is just that, stuff! When we don’t take care of ourselves it shows. It shows in the dark circles under our eyes. It shows in the bitterness of our spirit. It shows in our slow dragging steps as we plod through life. It shows in the dullness of our eyes.

No, thank you. You can have poverty and neglect. It is bad for your mind, body, heart, and soul.

I love my black men but I swear they are some of the most arrogant men on the face of the Earth and don’t have shyt to show for all that arrogance. They could stand to learn some humility. They’d be happier. We’d be happier.

There’s nothing wrong with black women except we can’t stop loving our black men, even the ones who ain’t about nothing, and they don’t even know how to love themselves.

I mean take black men on the downlow. Please miss me with that nonsense about not being allowed to be gay or bi-sexual. You can’t stop a black man from doing anything he sets his mind to do. Period. I believe men on the downlow hate themselves. If they hate themselves then they can’t possibly protect themselves from HIV/AIDS. And if they hate themselves then they can’t possibly love the women who love them. Every time one of them has unprotected sex with another man and then goes right home to that woman who loves them (wife and mother of his children or girlfriend) and has unprotected sex with her, he shows just how much he loathes himself and her.

Yeah, the more I think on it the more I believe the problem with black women is black men. The problem with black men? I think they are just sick and tired in their spirit. It is hard to be a black man or woman in this world. Don’t pity us. Don’t you dare! Pity never helped anyone. It hurts more than it ever helps.

We have more strength, ingenuity, mental acuity, love, protection, passion, and just LIFE in us than any other man or woman on the face of this planet. From the black man’s loins sprang forth the seeds that planted life in our wombs that birthed nations. Every nation on this planet came from us. Every nation on this planet has taken from us and spat on us. The black man shouldered the brunt of that. We tried to stand firm together but so much has worked against us. Not the least of which is our own, male and female, arrogance. We were kings, queens, princes and princesses, pharaohs and chiefs, warriors and warrioresses. We have been everything that all the nations are now and more. I know it without being told. It is in my blood.

Still, we got tired. You can only fight the good fight for so long before you get tired of getting hit. It has been a long road. I believe with all my heart that we will find our way back onto the right path again. We have to. If we don’t then the rest of the world is doomed.

Yes. I believe that, too. I believe ONE of the multitude of problems with this world is that we haven’t taken our place in it yet because we are not what we once were.

I can truly say that I only still stand because of my belief in God. But I think it is going to take a lot more than church to get us back on the right path. I don’t know how to get back on the right path. I just know it has got to start with humility. Maybe our arrogance is what got us on the wrong path to begin with.

Something to think about.

*tips coffee mug at the monitor*

Just some random thoughts...

I swung by my old hang out, OHN. The guy who runs the site was giving appreciation to the posters and lurkers. What bothered me was that he said his numbers were down. He didn’t know how it had gotten like that. I hope his numbers rebound soon. I like that spot.


I started wondering myself and immediately thought of a few things. One, the recession because people have had to cut back on luxuries like internet access at home. Also, those who access the site from work may have lost their jobs or their jobs may be blocking OHN now.

Don’t know if I mentioned that a few months ago I tried to sign on to OHN and one of the site’s sponsors popped up asking did I want to download something to my computer. Of course I clicked NO and the damn thing started downloading anyway. Luckily, I was at work on my lunch hour and the job’s firewalls caught it. Then my computer flashed a message that read CALL THE HELP DESK AT ____. *nervous chuckle*

We have 3 different computer help desks at my job: one for software, one for hardware, and one for network connectivity issues. There’s a different number for each. Normally you put in a help ticket and it will get triaged to the correct IT team. So when my computer for the first time ever flashed the message to call this number, I started sweating. Luckily, the firewall caught it after it replicated itself the first two times! By the time someone from IT got there it had replicated itself 4 more times. Soooooo, no more signing into OHN. I do check from time to time when I see there’s a new comic strip up.

I don’t know where he got that sponsor from. I definitely don’t even bother to check from home let alone sign in. I got a firewall but it is nowhere near as sophisticated as the one at work. I tried checking from an internet café a couple times and the café listed the site as blocked! Yikes!

The second problem he may be having is the couples. I know I’ve mentioned that a couple chicks have come after me after they thought I wanted their avatar boyfriends/husbands/fiancées/fantasies. *rolls eyes shrugging* Whatevs.

This time last year I took an internet hiatus from everybody, OHN, BA, and a couple other of my e-hangouts. Work got KA – RAY –ZEE!!! We had 2 people rushed to emergency surgery, another person had elective surgery that had been planned long before the emergency surgeries and then we had work being thrown at us from all over the place. We got some contracts in a country that we had to re-establish our presence in. So it was a mess from Thanksgiving until spring. So by the time I signed onto OHN again some things had changed. Like people who had just been regular single folk were now coupled up. That’s fine but I did a lot of stumbling while I figured out who was with whom.

After the culture shock I realized something, if it was that serious then the couples should have slipped into lurkerdome and let some new lurkers come out and become regular posters. The people posting now are not the same folks who where posting when I first started stopping by 2-3 years ago. Just like they fell off and new ones stepped in the same will likely happen if the couples with the sensitive (read insecure) womenfolk fall back. I mean one chick came at me after I was joking around with her e-hubby and come to find out Chante has a man at home in real life! *smh snorting*

I was like, and y’all treat me like I’m the crazy one. Yeah. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. So I just swing by, look at the strips, like, share on fb, and keep it moving. Lurking is fine for some sites but OHN is one I would want to comment on and it is no fun if I can’t comment. I have enough sites where I just lurk.

Then his third problem is probably that he doesn’t post enough comic strips. At least not for me anyway. The strips were what drew me in to begin with. The character he created, Boo, is an absolute fool and I loves his ectoplasmic heart. *chuckling* He use to give us a strip every week. Now it is really intermittent.

Anyways, what made me think of this is I ran across a couple of my attempts at starting my own website. *chuckle* I don’t think it is my forte. *lol* It takes a lot of time and effort to find your niche, get it up and running, keep it running while you find your audience and then grow your audience to where it is first self-sustaining and then profitable.

I compare OHN and Baller Alert and I don’t know how Boss did/does it. Boss is the screen name of the woman who runs Baller Alert (BA). I KNOW we are just as classy, sassy, intelligent, smart, funny and at times ig-nant as the folks on OHN and yet BA has great name brand sponsors. OHN *embarrassed shrug* A gay thug dating website? I’m so serious.

I hope he figures it out. I like his site and the people on it. We’ve had some great meet and greets. Now I can’t say that about BA.

Anyways…work tomorrow. That’s another post for another day. *smacks lips together sleepily* Oh! I got a new love. I call him Waldo. He is my new mattress and I heart his queen sized square self very much. And he requests I turn off my computer and get comfy now. So nighty nite.

Something I've noticed

I had my dental surgery and 2 rounds of antibiotics. That tooth must have been infected for a while or I had another infection that cleared up with the antibiotics because my sense of smell and taste is back with a vengeance and some of this stuff I've been eating now tastes like crap!

Case and point: Last year we got a new coffee machine. You put in your money and a coffee packet and it gives you a cup of coffee.  Quite a few people in my division said it tasted awful. I was like it is fine to me. Y'all are just spoiled with your $4 cups of coffee.

OH. MY. WORD. I had a cup after my mouth healed and before it got to my lips my nose was telling me NO!  But my hand was moving too fast and it was in my mouth before I could stop myself. *shudders* UGH! It does taste as horrible as it smells!

What made me blog about it is that I just had one of those breast cancer awareness bagels from Panera. Last year I could have sworn they tasted good. This year? *shudder* Ugh! I'd a rather they just put out a jar and ask for $2. *rubs tongue against roof of mouth* I would have paid not to have that taste in my mouth.

They are making me come out of retirement.

Have mercy! These children. That’s all I can call them is children. I am watching the unraveling of womankind and it is ugly.

I am watching the ladies get played left and right and it is an awful sight to see. I give advice that is requested and then ignored. I am guessing because others believe that a fat, buck and gap toothed, black woman with glasses is single because she has no choice.

Poor things just don’t know. I am so much more than the above description. I am single by my choice. Period. *sighs* But I guess I am going to have to come out of retirement to show them how it is supposed to be done.

Who are “them”? Well there’s coworker # 1 whose husband put her out of the section 8 house they were sharing with his sister. He did this after she bought him a car. *smh* And she has the nerve to shake her head at me. She still wants this fool back even though he’s into white girls now. She is now following the teaching of Rev Jamal Bryant, philanderer extraordinaire. His fame comes from the fact that he threatened to kill his mistress when she filed papers to take him to child support court. This ninja is driving around in a $400k+ car and don’t want to pay child support. He makes my teeth itch.

Another “them” is coworker #2 who has been carrying a torch for her daughter’s father for 19 years. He is the only man she has slept with for 19 years. Though she ain’t the only woman he’s been sleeping with. She’s finally gotten him out of her system but the cost…the cost. *sadly smh*

Another “them” is this woman in my FB woman’s group. Her young man is playing her dirty. Real dirty. First he doesn’t like how she gets her orgasm. *blinkity blinkity blink blink* She just let it slide. Had it been me the story would have gone a little something like this. I would have either called in sick to work or scheduled a day off or waited until the weekend but I would have had a me day. She’s 33. At 33 I was having some financial difficulties so my me time would have been a leisurely breakfast at home, sans simple azz boyfriend. Then I would have gone window shopping to clear my mind. Then lunch at McDs, a Happy Meal. Seriously, some of those toys are cool. Judge me all you want but play time is just as important for adults as it is for children. *shruggingly rolls eyes* Then either a matinee movie or go to a park and just sit and think which option to choose from:

a) Move out and start dating again.

b) Move back home and start dating again.

c) Move to a different city and start dating again.

Forget him. There are men out there wishing they could make their woman orgasm that hard. They are trying everything and driving their women crazy, not in a good way either, trying to get her to reach the level of sexual satisfaction that this woman can reach when done right. Just so they can walk around beating their chests like Tarzan. *lol* And this young man is not only not pumped at what he can do but turned off by it? Yeah. I got to go. An orgasm is an awesome thing. If my man doesn’t like how I get mine then we can’t be lovers and that is fine. Everything ain’t for everyone. I would need to find me a man that was for me.

He’s done a couple more things since then that just make me smh and wonder why in the world she stays. She is just as velvety chocolaty pretty as she can be. Finding a new man should not be a problem as long as she is secure in herself. If she isn’t then she needs to ditch that zero and work on herself.

Coworker # 1 got on my last nerve this week and I took a FB break yesterday. I did an energy cleanse and did something special for myself today that brought my positive energy back up. I sign on to FB this evening and go to my women’s group to cut up and laugh.

FB is the devil.

The first story up is his latest offense and I had to laugh and log back off. This ninja has planned a sleep over at a friend’s house for Friday. The “friend” (read sex buddy) is a young woman and his girlfriend isn’t invited. *giggling my head off*

We are grownups. Male and female heterosexual adults do not do sleepovers unless someone is having sex. Some of the women in the group are assuring her there is nothing to worry about even though he is wrong in his assumption that it is ok.

Um, no, um, he is going to have sex with his “friend” and it is ok because he has decided that it is ok. Period. She even, for some strange reason, tried to flip it on him and asked him how he would feel if she slept over at a male friend’s place. He said he’d be fine with it.

I swear there should have been horns growing out of my head when I read that. *snickering*

23 year old me would have punched him in his throat.

33 year old me would have said, “Oh. Ok.” And there wouldn’t have been any other conversation on the matter. However, whenever he deigned to return to our residence this weekend he would find me walking around in a man’s shirt and cute panties that he’s never seen and two men that he’s never met would be walking around in whatever they felt comfortable walking around in. I would be glowing! I’m betting he would have come home Saturday morning because I wouldn’t have called him the whole time he would be gone nor would I be answering his calls. Suspicious, he’d a brought his butt home. He would have walked in the place and seen two dudes and his soon to be ex chilling. I’d look up and ask him does he want my friend to make him some pancakes. Then I’d watch him have a conniption fit and I’d have the other guy call 911 for him.

*gets up to do the Cabbage Patch and sing How ya like me now?*

43 year old me would have been gone when he had a problem with how I get my orgasm. An orgasm is a wonderful thing. And there ain’t a man alive worth skipping them. Ask a heterosexual man, any one of them, if there is a woman alive that would make him skip getting his orgasm his way.

There is something very important she is missing and I don't know how she missed it.  When a man claims a woman as his own he does not believe it is ok for her to have male friends sleepover nor for her to sleepover at a male friend's place.  I speak from experience. *lol*  And me and this dude were truly platonic, never shared a kiss.  However, platonic friend is/was friends with an ex.  When the guy I was seeing then claimed me as his woman, all that sleeping over at A's house had to stop.  He showed me the same respect.  This dude she is rooming with ain't claimed her or he has relinquished claim to her.  Poor thing doesn't seem to know it either.
Then there are a couple women in the group having self-esteem issues.

Then there are the children on BA that make me wish it was legal to slap someone when they are being stupid.

So, this fat, gap and buck toothed, four eyed, black woman is going to come out of retirement to show them how it is done.

Y’all heffas get on my nerves for making me eat right, exercise and do ish that I wouldn’t have to do if only you’d listen to me. You all have got the game all the way messed up.

*sucks teeth and goes to comptemplate things beyond most of these children's understanding*

I need to vent

I'm cranky. I haven't had a vaction yet this year. The job is just burying me in paperwork. The men on my job are a bunch of lazy azz unprofessional fuks who have gotten accustomed to dumping all the work on the women and expecting to get away with it. Which means we butt heads occasionally because I dump their shyt right back onto them. If you are 2-3 paygrades above me and don't know how to do your job then guess the fuk what? I won't be helping you. The women on the job are busy finding little petty ways to take out their frustrations on the men instead of just making the men do their fukking jobs. And everyone wants to bend my fukking ear about who is not doing what and what time this one and that one is coming to work or leaving work.

I want to scream this from the roof of my office building but instead I'll say it here.

I really honestly and truthfully do not give even so much as one fifth of a fifth of a fuk.

If people spent their time working and less time bytching and moaning we'd get a lot more done. Yeah, this one and that one ain't on their jobs but guess what, we've already seen this happen with 2 other people and they were removed from their jobs. Everything comes to light eventually.

My one coworker is walking around all teary eyed because she feels dumped on. O.k. then take a page out of my book and dump that ish right back onto them. I don't do ish that doesn't have to do with my job. I'm all about team work but I'm 43 years old and I learned a long time ago the difference between being on a team and being dumped on by a lazy azz fuk. Learn the difference and respond in kind. Not only do you not have to do their job you can very nicely point out that they are being paid for their expertise that is supposedly beyond your realm of thinking. Then you kindly point them in the direction of the boss. They leave my office and go find someone else to dump it on. Then they take their azzes out the door not to be seen for awhile. One guy was missing a few days. *shrug* Not my problem. I am not his boss. When I couldn't find him for what I needed, I dropped him an email and cc'd the boss and moved onto my next task. I bet his azz was in my office door first thing in the morning. I don't have time for a bunch of silly shyt. I got multiple projects going on. I'm going to finish what I can and move on to the next project. *smh* I really wish people would stop asking me what time did this one come in or leave. You would think my shrugging at them everytime they ask and responding: You know I was not paying attention; would make them stop asking me. My door is usually open but I have two desks I work from. I work from the desk that faces away from the door so I don't have to worry about that petty little nonsense.

What I want to say to cranky bytch # 1: Worry about your kid going to college who refuses to go on birth control because she says she never wants to have sex again. Of course she said that before you caught her and her new boyfriend making out under a blanket on your sofa. You might want to worry about being a grandmother with a possible college drop out who will have to look for a job in a bad economy. Your second problem is your nasty azz brother living in your basement who sounds like he is clinically depressed and he's eating your azz into bankruptcy. You're the one talking about getting a second job because he's eating you out of house and home. He won't date, though you have tried to hook him up. He has no friends. He uses up all your shyt and pays you no rent. These are just TWO of the issues in your life you could focus your energy on instead of what time the men on the job come and go.

What I want to say to cranky bytch # 2: Pack your shyt and get the fuk out of there before I see your house on the news. Just fukking leave already or suck it up. Nobody told your dumb azz to buy that unemployed shiftless broke azz wanna be player a car. Your dumb azz running around broke and hungrier than me eating noodles because you keep wasting your money taking that ninja on trips. He wants you to leave so he and his boo can lay up in his sister's section 8 house and chill. You are holding him up. Girl, nowhere in your internet travels did you read what Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters said about how to tell if you are a priority in his life? They were both the other women. No? Well here is the synopsis: THE WOMAN HE SPENDS HOLIDAYS WITH IS HIS MAIN WOMAN. You are married to this sonofabytch and he spends the holidays with the other chick. Stop walking around here sad and hungry and get thee the fuk out of Dodge.

What I want to say to cranky bytch # 3: I told you to stop letting the boy dump all his work on you. Now you're worried about his comings and goings. Worry about your husband. That mofo is cheating azz cheating on you. You keep believing he is loaning money to his brothers and they aren't paying him back. Who do you know who WORKS, not has a career, but fukking WORKS for a living and gives people thousands of dollars in loans that never get paid back? Especially in this economy. He's giving that money to his girlfriend, hell maybe boyfriend. Who knows nowadays? He's out with his "brothers" every weekend, coming in the wee hours of the morning and you're sitting home waiting on him. You need to hire a PI and find out why he is so interested in you saving your own money. Kinda like he making plans to split but he ain't sure if it is what he wants to do or not. One thing for sure, you don't want to be the last to know. Hell, he might just be hiding his money in case of a split and you'll be none the wiser because you are too busy worried about what time the boy comes to work. You got his comings and goings down to the minute and shyt.

What I want to say to the cranky bytch that I have become: Hold on girl. Your surgery is coming. Keep praying. Keep your head up. Your vacation is not too much further off. Keep laughing. Keep praying. Keep your head up. Keep them unhappy bytches at arms length. Keep working hard. Keep checking your ish and keep looking for that new opportunity. But most importantly, keep praying, keep our head up and keep laughing. At least until they take you away to a nice padded room. *smiles*

My tooth was infected. After one round of antibiotics it doesn't hurt anymore but it is still tender. I am tired of eating noodles and soup and yogurt and cheese and fruit. I want solid food! *sighs*

I'm cranky. I never cuss this much in print. But I'm cranky.

We had a staff meeting this morning and the main mofos that needed to be there were out today. *grits teeth* I know at least one of them probably didn't read any of the emails about the new forms to be completed before shyt gets to me. The meeting discussed them in detail. *sighs*

I'm tired, cranky, bitchy and hungry. BUT I'm a keep praying, keep my head up, keep laughing, keep working and keep looking for better. At least until they take me away to a nice padded room.

Oh my gosh last week was the week from Hell

I didn’t even make it to the end of the week. Thursday, I woke up with a headache and dizzy. Them people on my job *smh*. To top it off I got a virus on my computer at work and IT had to be called into clean it. While IT was doing their magic, I walked around to one of my coworkers’ office just to sip coffee until IT was done. I said good morning and she looked at me and burst into tears.

Last week was the week from Hell.

By the time I soothed her and got her story I was drained and it wasn’t even my life. I asked for Friday off because frankly I didn’t think I’d make it in. I woke up Friday with a headache too but I took 3 Extra Strength Tylenol and got back in bed. I spent the day in bed either on Facebook or Netflix or napping. By Saturday I was able to function and I awoke headache free. *smh*

I can’t do this job too much longer. I am praying to find something better soon.

This week wasn’t too bad job wise but I got a toothache that is a sonabitch! I see the dentist Monday. It is my wisdom tooth. I’ve been dragging my feet about getting it extracted because everyone tells me it hurts like hell. But if it is going to hurt this much I might as well go on and get it out.

I took today off because I’m too evil and cranky to be around people right now because of my toothache. I can only keep up the charade but so much for so long.

I’m still waiting for the shoe to drop on the job though. Everyone keeps telling me I’m being an alarmist but this dept I’m in…*smh*. I don’t know. Don’t feel like thinking about them right now. Maybe I’ll explain in detail another time.

I should lose a few pounds this week though *chuckle*. I haven’t been able to handle more than soup, and noodles. Last night I was able to upgrade to cheese and fruit! Yipeee! *sighs* I have a steak in the freezer that is calling my name. I don’t think I’ll be enjoying it anytime soon though.

Other than that, all is still insane and a lot is still wrong with the world. *chuckle*

*tips coffee mug at screen*

Tell Uncle Sam to stick a fork in me because I’m done!

*banging head on table*



*lifts head to type*

I need a new job. Like yesterday. In a whole other field. Please and thanks.

So this week is my department’s all department meeting. All. Week.

I come in earlier and leave later every day. *shrug* It is what it is and it only happens once a year plus it is offsite.

This afternoon, I knew it was time to find not just a new job but a new field all together. Seriously. All. Jokes. Completely. Aside.

This ain’t a See What Had Happened Was tale at all.

At the lunch break I did my little internet updates and then headed back to the meeting early to get a good seat. I received an agenda but there was a guest speaker that had been added at the last minute. He was there when I got back in his nice smart looking suit. I had no idea who he was and had I known I would have headed over to the drug store (or pharmacy if you prefer) for liquor. *nods head* Yeah, we have a drug store in downtown Baltimore that sells liquor, mixers and ice. I think it is just for these type occasions.

Anyway. The afternoon meeting starts and our mediator announces that we have a guest speaker and who he is. He is the controller for the entire company.

*folds hands and stares at screen remembering*

The company within which my little department operates has a multi-BILLION (yes, baby, billion with a B) annual operating budget. We only have one controller though he does have many minions beneath him.

So when The One And Only Controller of a company with a multi-billion dollar operating budget shows up in person, you know whatever they are about to say is going to be bad.

And it was. And I need a new job. Not because we got laid off or anything but because there is just too much work and not enough people to do it all. And I’m told there is no money to hire any more.

I’ll try to keep this brief. Currently, I handle the issuing of subcontracts, monitoring of subcontract expenditures, paying the subcontractors, and close out of subcontracts for our department. The majority of our subcontractors are in various countries around the world. We get the majority of our department’s operating budget to fund these subcontracts from the Federal Government or Feds as we call them. There are BOOKS of regulations that I am expected to know and follow regarding the issuance and managing of subcontracts / sub-agreements funded with Federal Government money. It is a daunting task but as my annual evaluations for the past 10 plus years show, I handle it well.

The Feds just handed down some new regulations and extensive paperwork that is now a requirement for all of our own work as well as what we are subcontracting out. *bangs head on table a little more*

I had just gotten this job down to the point where I didn’t have to go in on Saturdays for a few hours anymore. I’m a multi-tasking fool but there are some duties, like complex analyses, that I need to concentrate on in order to complete. I can usually come in and update those spreadsheets and double check my formulas and be out in a few hours.

I had just gotten this job somewhat under control. Some. What. It is never under control because…*sighs* just because for now. That is another long azz post.

Anyway, as the slides roll and the controller talked you could FEEL the tension in the room. By question and answer time there was a sea of hands in the air and I was looking for an escape route in my head. It took everything in me not to bolt for the door and the nearest computer to start my job search.

One of the managers’ voices was filled with barely controlled emotion as he asked his questions about the time and cost to the subcontractors (or subs) to do all this extra financial compliance work.

Yes, the subs are required to do their own paperwork but *pause* guess… who… has… to… check… their… paperwork? Along with everything else I have to do. There were supposed to be two people doing my job when I was hired. There were two jobs posted. Guess who is doing it all by herself?

Guess who just decided that the Feds win and I’m out on the next thing smoking? I don’t care if it is in another state, country, or on another planet. It definitely needs to be in a new field. Heaven help me, I’m even willing to take a pay cut if I have to. My sanity is entirely too precious.

You see, not only were there financial record keeping changes, but there were international HR changes, and changes from our signing authority. Now, one or two of the changes have been in effect for about a year now. Our field staff always has excuses about why they forget to do them.

Well, they had a coup de grâce for us. See, the Controller’s Office, HR, and our signing authority all got together and issued this edict: Do all the new paperwork or your subs will not get paid.

The gates of Hell buckled. Seriously, the tension in the room went up about 10-20 notches.

When the meeting was over I took off out the door. I can feel the questions, emails and meetings coming. *rubs forehead* I’m whipped just thinking about it.

Tonight is a special dinner. Open bar. I was supposed to attend. I’m home eating leftovers. I got my own open bar. And I’m going to go enjoy it now… well…perhaps I’ll wait until AFTER I update my job search agents.

Way back when

Today is Sunday. The day for my chores. I usually do them in quiet which gives me time to think. I can work out my problems or plan for the week or just let my mind wander. Today my mind wandered back to 1993, when the internet was fun for me.

It is this whole fb blocking thing that made me start thinking about the good ole days of the internet. *chuckling* For me, surfing the net started in the summer of 1993. It was so simple for me then. And it was fun.

AOL was the IP then and they had chat rooms that you could breeze in and out of cool as you please. Everyone I met was fun and just looking for fun on the net. There were no pics just generic guy and girl shapes. The word avatar was unknown. The chat rooms had names that pretty much told you what the topics were. There was role playing, gossip, game talk, entertainment, politics and music and so much more. And everyone just seemed to be out to have fun in the nameless faceless ether that was the net. There was no exchanging of pics or tracer programs or internet stalking or cyber bullying, etc.

What the heck happened?

How did we take something so simple and fun and make it into the mess it is today?

My internet persona is just me…free. Free of responsibilities, prejudices, worries, and woes. Pure unadulterated me. Who I would be if life didn’t get in the way everyday that ends in Y.

But I wonder now, what will become of that part of me. I did some wandering around the net last night after I posted just trying to gage what is out there. Who I want to be next? Dang it, I liked my screen name! *pout*

I don’t want to reinvent myself but this net and these generations of people who are there now and coming *pause and face scrunch* they aren’t like me. They aren’t like the people I first met in 1993.

In 1993, I could pop into a role play room, usually something magical *chuckle*, and laugh and joke and play the role I had come up with and breeze back out. We all knew it was just for laughs and kicks. Most of the time anyway. Every now and again some guy would want to know me offline and I’d politely decline and he’d accept it and that was that. It was all so polite and civil. Neither I nor anyone else had to do or be anything other than what we wanted to be. *sigh* What happened?

*choking laugh* I remember once I signed onto AOL and found a new chat room called TV Men. I naively thought that TV stood for television *lol*. Boy was I wrong! Of course it stood for transvestite as one of the guys very nicely told me. I apologized for interrupting and left the room. *lol* No harm. No foul. I moved on to another room and laughed at my own naïveté.

No one called me names or put me on blast for being naïve or told me to drink bleach etc. Now, people are so touchy. I’d probably be followed to another room and called a bigot for not wanting to stay and talk to the TV Men. But really, talk about what? I’ve never been a man and *shrug* I don’t know that I’d have anything to contribute to their discussion so the thing to do would be to move on to another room.

*sigh* It is all becoming so complicated. You’ve got the language Nazis. *chuckle* I mean really folks, they’re, there, and their are all pronounced the exact same way and just about everyone who speaks and writes English gets them mixed up from time to time. But you would think that by doing so you will bring about the apocalypse the way some people carry on when you misuse them or any of the other words like them. Affect and effect. Bare and bear, fair and fare, its and it’s and so many more.

Then there are the spelling Nazis and the grammar Nazis, etc. It just goes on and on.

All I want to do is play and have fun. I thought I’d be able to do that on the internet forever. *sigh* But I’m getting the feeling that I won’t be. I keep running into uptight people. They are as tight on the internet as I am in real life. I have to be in real life but the virtual world is supposed to be my escape.

So where do I play, now? Where can I have fun? Where can I escape to?

Oh well…I’ll continue thinking next Sunday, I guess. My real life beckons me back.

Facebook is a debil. Yes debil.

I have been blocked on FB. *chuckle* Yes, I’m chuckling now but at first my little feelings were hurt. Then I thought about the last conversation I had with the person who blocked me and realized that I just might have been blocked because I like Nickelback. *blink blink* You know the Hurt Feelings Fairy sucked her teeth at me, rolled her eyes and gathered up her children. Dragged her out over something so silly. *chuckle* Oh well. He did what he needed to do, I guess. If today was his last day the last thing he should be looking at are my offending posts.

I don’t know about folks. I get on the internet to meet new folk and share some laughs and giggles. Perhaps a serious exchange every now and again. *sighs*

I got so much serious stuff going on in my life right now. I really just want to relax and have fun online. But more and more I’m finding myself censoring myself. For a while there, I got to feeling a little persecuted because some women folk got to thinking I was interested in the avatars that are their men. *smh* I’m having enough problems with men in real life. I don’t have time to even begin to research some picture of a man I met online.

Of late there is a situation that I hinted at in my last post. I wrote up the blog but the situation has taken on new twists and turns. I had to call TPL to get his handle on it because it has gotten completely out of hand. I keep trying to put distance between me and the people involved and one of them keeps trying to pull me back in. Father, help!!!!

So, when I get online, I just want to sit back and have some fun. *sighs* Maybe it is time for a new screen name and a new internet community. I mean, I love BA and I ain’t leaving them behind. But OHN is another story. Everyone seems…I don’t know…uptight? More and more of them are pairing off and the women folk are starting to scare me a bit. I spend a lot of time making sure that I don’t talk to this guy or that guy or trying to remember who is paired with whom. This is beginning to be more work than fun and I’m not getting paid for it. *amused sigh*

Oh well…the search for a new community begins again…

Facebook

I am sitting here thinking it might just be time to leave Facebook alone for a bit. Some of the people whose friending I accepted are starting to concern me. I only accepted people who were friends of others I had friended but er um a few of them have me wondering how the heck did I end up with Carrie's mother and her friends on my FB page. *dramatic pause* I'm so serious. There is one guy in particular. One minute he is giving God the glory and the next he is praying people fail for talking about him behind his back.

So, I may be back to blogging and writing real soon. It was real fun for a minute but I just had to friend one or two people too many. He isn't the only one but he's been real vocal of late. *smh*

There is a woman who I think has a lot of drama going on in her life. Uh uh. I got enough drama of my own and people in my life with drama. I'm looking for laughs, giggles, fun and an occasional intellectual exchange. But let's keep it light and fun folks.

People taking life and the internet WAAAAAAYYYYY too seriously. Holla at ya in minute.  I got something else I wanna get of my chest. *chuckle*

*tips gingerale bottle at monitor*

Just an update

So I haven’t been around for a few months. That is because there is so much going on *pause* around me personally. A lot going on with me professionally. It is so crazy. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with my GFN.


*chuckle*

Much as I thought she would, she filed for divorce in October 2010 from her husband. That’s pretty sad, I think. He’s a decent guy. Perfect? No, but then neither is she nor me nor anyone else. I kind of started a bit of a family stink several months back by telling her what I thought her problem was.

*rolls eyes*

Aye yi yi! I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I was just trying to get her to go back to couples counseling with him. Seriously, when you have a black man who wants to go to couples counseling and work on the marriage you got somebody worth building a life with. But all she kept hearing was that I didn’t think she knew how to take care of a man.

*blink blink* I have the emails to back up the fact I never said anything to that effect. Fact of the matter, according to her mother Sissy, is that she is seeing another man. *sigh* I’m done with it and moving on. Her life not mine. *smh* But that ain’t the way to a happy life. I guess she’ll have to learn the hard way like everyone else who takes that route.

My BFL’s daughter is trying to get divorced from her husband. I say trying because he refuses to sign the divorce papers even though she moved out May 2010 and he has moved in with his new girlfriend. *smh* Why hold onto somebody who a) doesn’t want you and b) you don’t want? The BFL’s daughter has moved back home to get back on her feet financially. She then totaled her new car. Then she got pregnant by her new boyfriend who her father doesn’t like. *sigh* Youth. Then she lost the baby a couple weeks ago. She is taking it pretty hard which in turn means my BFL is taking it hard with her. It is hard for any parent to see their child suffer regardless of the circumstances.

MB3’s sister has stage 4 cancer. Man, the hits just keep coming. I worry what will happen to the foster daughter she has had since she was a baby. So sad.

Meanwhile, MB3’s daughter is still unemployed and looking to her to support her, the boyfriend and his two sons, and her two daughters. And she’s doing it though not in the smartest of ways. I’ve tried telling her, hinting at her, pointing her in the right direction but she always says she can’t this, that, and the other. MB3 has two homes. One she owns outright and another she is paying a mortgage on and has been in it over 20 years.

I told her she should have her daughter get on Section 8, since her lazy azz won’t keep a job, and rent the house she still owes a mortgage on. The rent she will get from Section 8 will pay her mortgage and then some. The house she owns outright she could rent out as a group home for the mentally challenged. She could use the properties as collateral for a home loan and get the condo she has always wanted. The money she would get from the group home should pay the mortgage on the condo thus freeing up her salary to do with as she pleases.

Do you know what she said to me when I laid that plan out for her? She said she didn’t know she could do that. I said yes, that she should go talk to a real estate lawyer to work that out. She responded real quick she didn’t have money for that then went out and bought matching outfits for her and her granddaughters.

*blink pause blink*

Those outfits were the cost of an hour of a real estate lawyer’s time. *sigh* Now she sending out emails talking about telling people she is sewing pillows to make extra money. I replied ok. *sucks teeth*

Next up is MCB. *brief sunny smile* She got my godson off to his first year in college. He did well his first semester. Above a 3.0 on a 4.0 scale for his first semester and HE is disappointed that he didn’t do better. *smiling hard* I pray he keeps up the good work. His father however is another problem. *rolls eyes* I can’t stand that man but I ain’t got to sleep next to him so…whatever. He’s said he wants to contribute to his son’s college education and participate in more of his special events and blah blah blah. In other words, be involved with him now that he is over 18 when he couldn’t be bothered before. My godson is not stupid. It is causing familial upset. His son doesn’t want to be bothered but MCB would welcome some help with his college tuition. She’s walking a tightrope of sorts between the two of them.

Then the problems she’s been having on her job, that I told her to leave 5 years ago, are escalating. And she is another one that can’t say no to family. So she’s cosigned on a couple things she shouldn’t have. *smh* And she’s looking after an elderly uncle. She hasn’t talked about the guy she’s been seeing in awhile and I ain’t asking. Just what I mentioned above is more than an earful every time I hear from her.

Then I got these folk on the job. Ugh is all I can say. One thing I have learned on this job is the importance of being meticulous about keeping records. I swear almost on a daily basis they try to say they didn’t do something or didn’t know and then I have to point out the whens, wheres and whos of how they got the info on the right way to do something. Then they go away until they mess something else up.

*groan* Will I ever get to work with people who are adults on the inside as well as on the outside? I wonder what that is like.

I did do one very smart thing last spring. I let my hair go natural. *big smile* It took a minute for my hair to get the hang of it and it still needs some TLC but I am quite happy with the results.

One Sunday after washing my hair, I grabbed my blow dryer and all the gunk that goes into making it smooth and straight. I looked down at the hairdryer with comb attachment and the bottles before me and said “Screw it!” I looked in the mirror and told my hair, “Do you.”

It took a while for it to understand what I meant. I don’t blame my hair at all. First, my mother and sisters and then various hairstylists had been telling it what to do for better than 40 years. Now, it had to find itself. *chuckle* It took awhile but it is coming around nicely. At least I think so. And so do quite a few men.

*chuckle* And they’re nonblack American men. I don’t quite know what to make of that. One in particular is a nice Jewish guy from a nice Jewish family who I am sure will not like me and my natural locks at all. *chuckle* He better stop messing with me before I take him up on his offer and get him disinherited is all I know. *chuckle* But he is fun.

And, I am still looking for a replacement for Raul! *chuckling* Who would think that my coochay would be so picky. *lol* But that is a post for another day and I’m hungry. *smells dinner calling*

Till then… *tips wine glass at monitor*