*chuckle*
So, I was supposed to hook up with my new online friends Hello Kitty Slut and Tickle Da Pickle last Saturday at this spot that’s on North Avenue.
Hoe-kay!
North Avenue is the ghetto from one end to the other. There are no breaks in the ghetto lines. It is the ghetto all day long, 365 days/year, 366 in leap year. But I listened to them both tell me that the revitalization had reached that area of North Avenue. *shrug* It’s worth a look see.
Tickle Da Pickle was hosting a Hip Hop/Reggae show down at this restaurant on North Avenue. This place actually has a website! Menu was very tempting. Nice pictures on the site. Got me to thinking that maybe it really wasn’t on North Avenue at all. That was just its address.
Let me explain, see, in Baltimore they will have the front door on one street and the loading dock, which is attached to the building, will sit on another street. Instead of using the front door address the business will have its official address as that of the loading dock. I have actually worked in buildings like that and been to establishments like that. I have no idea the reason for it. It’s Bmore. It just is. *chuckle*
In that general vicinity are the Maryland Institute of Art, Maryland Institute of Culinary Arts, University of Baltimore, and quite a few really nice reputable boutiques and eateries. None on North Avenue though.
So I had never been to this place and was thinking that perhaps it was one of those oddities that I mentioned above. I don’t have a car right now cuz I sold it when the oil companies lost their fukking minds. So a cabbing I go.
I get out and I’m like…uh…uh…this is the ghetto! This place sits right on North Avenue. If they had told me it was across the street from the rent by the hour motel I wouldn’t even have said I was coming. *chuckle* Then I could have saved the hard feelings. *chuckle* I don’t even really understand the hard feelings really. I left Tickle Da Pickle a belated birthday gift, a bottle of Cabo Wabo.
I didn’t feel comfortable in the area no matter what the two of them said. However, now that I’ve been there and seen the food I wouldn’t mind going there for lunch one day…long before sunset. *chuckle* And I’m going to need to be sitting in the back away from the front window…drive bys you know. *giggle* No I ain’t shyt but I believe in going where I am comfortable.
This actually sparked a bit of a debate between me, Hello Kitty Slut, Missreall and Honey Girl Charly. Those three (who don’t live here) are going to tell me, Baltimore born and raised, that North Avenue isn’t the ghetto. *LMAO* HGC actually said it was a neutral zone *LMMFAO* No such a thing in the ghetto. *reduced giggles* But it was a nice try. TDP ain’t talking to me at all.
*sigh* Shrug. It is what it is.
My worry was that I wouldn’t be able to get a cab in that area after the show. Show started at 10pm which meant we wouldn’t be out of there until 1-2 am. I had very little hope that a cab would come down there at that time of night. If I had remembered that as an establishment that serves alcohol a cab has to come when the bar calls I MIGHT have been swayed to stay. But, bay…bee…all I could see was the ghetto and my azz getting shot up if them ninjas didn’t go home after the show was over and got to fighting after the show.
At one point I was in tears laughing cuz HKS & TDP kept reiterating that there were white people down there. Like WTH does that have to do with the price of a bullet?
So, I sent out a text to my Bmore folk to get their opinion on it. My text was this:
Is North Avenue ghetto? I got people telling me that becuz some white people moved into ONE BLOCK that it ain’t ghetto. I’ll let you decide.
The answer is yes. No surprise there but my favorite answer was from TPL:
“Hell yes very ghetto probably dirty white people” LMMFAO!!!!!!
When he says dirty white people I am assuming he meant trailer park white people. The type who strung up a black doll baby a few years ago and set it on fire. I don’t call people trash cuz people are not trash…no matter what they do. I will call you a filthy animal if you act the part though. I’ve also never heard TPL call a person trash so that is my take on his comment.
Truthfully, looking over the crowd it was a nice group of middle aged Caucasian middle to upper middle class folk. But I doubted they would be attending the Hip Hop/Reggae show LOL
So I told HKS that I would treat her to lunch this Saturday…and you guessed it she chose to go back to the same spot. LMAO!
One lunch ain’t gonna change my mind but I imagine she won’t be satisfied until I try it. *smh* So if you don’t hear from me after this blame that damn Hello Kitty Slut! I probably got shot up in a drive by in their so called “neutral zone”.
*tips Stewart’s cream soda bottle at monitor*
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
He’s Playing You
I often wonder about whether other women know when a man is playing them. If not, why don’t they know? And if they do why do they let a man continue to play them? Do they just decide it doesn’t matter as long as they got a man? Is having a man or woman (for the men & lesbians) really that important? If so, then why am I not bitten by this I Gotta Have A Boo Bug as so many others seem to be? If it’s not that serious then why all the drama and heartache just to have a man (or woman) in your life?
Now, I don’t pretend to know jack about this subject. I ain’t been alive but 5 hot minutes, as my grandma use to say. So though I don’t have the answers I still would like to know. Perhaps I’ll stumble upon them as I live. I can only hope. I ain’t trying to hold up God, Jesus or one of their crew but so long in the afterlife trying to tie up my loose ends. *chuckle* Then there is always that thought lurking in the back of my mind that if I ask too many questions God might just say, “Girl, sounds like you need to go back.” And poof! I’m being born to start all over. No thank you. One go round on this planet is enough for me. *smh smiling*
I mean in the past I have known when guys were playing me. Now even though I knew, I still let them play me. Why? Just to see how far they would take it. To see if the guy in question really is a selfish, egotistical, narcistic azz. Cuz I tell you that I’ve had a brother that I met the week before call me up on Valentine’s Day telling me he needed $500 or he’s about to be evicted. No happy Valentine’s Day or nothing. Just he needs money or he’s about to be homeless. I told him I was broke…*shrug* and I wasn’t lying either cuz I was. I was making $20,000/year at the time and had my own apartment. Please tell me where I had an extra $500 to loan him.
I didn’t hear from him and I was actually worried when he didn’t return my calls. Then one day a few days afterward he picks up the phone. I ask him what happened and you know that begro (begging negro) had the nerve to get smart with me. He said, “Well obviously I didn’t get evicted.” Long story short the begro had a girlfriend already. More than likely he needed the money to take his girl out and was flat broke so he decided to try and trick me out of my hard earned cash. *smh*
Then there was the begro trying to move in with me after knowing him for 2 weeks becuz….wait for it… *smmfh* he had just bought a vehicle that he could not afford along with rent. He chose the vehicle over 4 walls, a bed, shower, and kitchen, etc. So he was sleeping in his truck. Now this begro had 2 jobs. I knew him from the part time job. I knew where he worked cuz coincidentally we both worked at the same company for our full time job. Different departments though. He actually made more on his full time job than me. *smh with eyeroll* Now I know we all get into financial binds but I am pretty sure he knew he couldn’t afford that truck before he bought it. Then he chose the truck over a home to lay his head. Then he thought he should be able to move in with me? Chile ain’t no one’s sex that good…if it is then I don’t want to meet him.
Last example cuz I ain’t typing all night *chuckle*. My ex the jailbird. *tired sigh* I said I’ve dated them all. I’ve had enough bad boys in my life to be totally cured of them.
He only had to do one year. ONE YEAR. He let them inmates play him and I don’t know how much of his time he actually did. I just know that I was done when he had another year added onto his time to serve.
Then one day he calls me up to say that his lawyer can get him out of this mess so he can come home. He asks me if I can loan his aunt $100 to help with the lawyer fee. He’d give it right back out of one of his hidden stashes as soon as he got home. *side eye with raised perfectly arched brow*
Knew it was a lie. Just knew it. Nobody had to tell me ish. I didn’t have to call around to my girlfriends and ask them jack. I knew without a shadow of a doubt BUT I wanted to see how much of a jackazz he really was.
So, I calmly lied and said “Boo, I’m broke. All I got is my jewelry.” I was living at home at the time bringing home $1200/month and paying my mom $200/month, sometimes. I had no car and no credit cards and no kids. I had a savings account and a checking account. I was flush.
Not to mention, I love all things sparkly and shiny. I would hock shyt for me. I would hock shyt for my kid if I had one. I might even hock shyt for 1 out of my 3 sisters. The rest of y’all can pretty much sucka a dyck and be on your way cuz I ain’t hocking MY JEWELRY for not so much as a one of you. JM IRDC *shrug*
I sat on the collect call that I was paying for and waited for his answer. And he said something to this effect, “Boo, you know as soon as I get home I got you. No doubt, girl. Do that for me.”
I shook my head and said “Ok, boo.” Then we settled into our nightly phone sex session. *smh at us*
I went down to my bank and took the money out of my savings account. I gave the money to his aunt and waited. He called everyday like all was cool. He was coming home. He gave me a date and everything. The day he was to come home he’d call me as soon as he was free and I’d meet him and we’d spend the day together.
Chile please, I didn’t even bother to take the day off cuz I knew that shyt was lies. So I took my azz to work like I had good sense. He was supposed to page me when he got home if he couldn’t reach me on my phone. No pages. No messages when I get home.
Mmmm hmmm.
So like clockwork I get my normal collect phone call when they switch the phones on at the jail. Supposedly there was some type of mix up. Mmm hmmm. His lawyer was gonna be pissed. Mmm Hmmm. All hell was gonna break loose when his lawyer got through with these people. Mmm hmmm.
So he asks, “Boo, you want your money back?” Now what the hell does he think if I had actually been stupid enough to hock my jewelry? I mean…really, boo, you gotta ask? So I answer yes so that I can get my stuff out of hock. He says cool or something like that and says he’ll return it. Then he doesn’t call for awhile which is totally unlike him. That ninja called me 7 days/week except when he was in solitary and twice on Saturday and Sunday.
So I go see his aunt and ask her did he send my money back to her and she says no. Ok…that night I do get a phone call and he is pissed. *Mr. Spock side eye* How dare I go to his aunt blah blah blah blah. I had been looking for an out and he presented me with one all packaged. I blew that shyt up into a relationship ending argument. He called me a bytch, told me to return his shyt cuz we were done and slammed the phone down on me. *grinning* And that’s all I wanted in the first place. It cost me a $100 but I didn’t have anyone stalking me, no drive bys, only a couple bytches yelled through the recording for the collect call and then he moved on to whoever. My azz went to Florida on vacation and relaxed my nerves. I was temping at the time and decided to take the rest of the month off when I got back. *LMAO* Gotta fukking love it.
A few years later I had moved out and just happened to be at my mom’s house and guess whose azz calls me from jail? My sister answered the phone cuz you know I wouldn’t have taken that call. We had a kind of code, if when the call went through he didn’t hear my voice he would say my nephew’s name in the recording. He played like he was nephew for a minute then asked for me. As I walked to the phone I had a feeling it was him. He was a pitiful begro on that call. I just calmly brought up how he disrespected me and how hurt I was blah blah blah blah blah blah. Got his azz off that phone quick fast and in a real hurry. Cuz I had a feeling he was lying when he said he was downtown, a local collect call costing just $0.85 back then.
Now when the bill comes in next month it’s for $5 plus change becuz he had been calling from an out of town correctional facility. *smh* Do you know my sister accepted the call but she expected me to pay for it cuz I talked to him last or longest or something? I gave her azz $6 and told her to keep the change. Cuz it wasn’t worth fussing over.
Funny how one year turned into more and he was still locked up. I didn’t wish him any harm. I put him out of my mind and only think of him when I run across my box of mementos.
See I know that if I let them fuk up then the onus is on them when I walk away. It’s not my fault and they have no one to blame but themselves. I only let them take it so far before I flip the script and leave.
So if I know…what’s up with everyone else?
See, I recently caught my self-satisfied smile on the face of a woman who I feel like is getting played by “her” (I’ll let you be the judge of whether he is truly hers or not) man. She was smiling the same smile back at me cuz she gotta man and I don’t.
You know me…all or nothing. I’m still good with nothing. She don’t get it yet but she will if we spend enough time around each other. Then she’ll be perplexed and the questions will begin. Or the resentment. *shrug* I am so done apologizing for being me when I ain’t hurting a soul.
Anyhoodles, she is married. She believes in that exact same mess that Mo’Nique is talking about. She doesn’t believe in monogamy blah blah blah. Whatever helps you get through your life. I don’t live there and it ain’t my coochay that he’s running up in with different coochays and azzes all on his peen. So do you Mo and all the folk who follow behind you. AIDS is no way to die if you ain’t got to. I will repeat this until I am senile and can’t remember the ish no more.
Back to topic. So her man is free to cheat in their marriage. After a year of marriage he decides he wants to be single. She is walking around here in tears cuz a) all her sick time was used up to have her tubes untied so they can try to have a baby b) she don’t understand why he won’t stay married to her since he can cheat all he wants and has been.
So she has been on this up and down emotional rollercoaster ride with him. One minute he is ready for a divorce. Then the minute she says ok, make sure you can afford health insurance on your job, he changes his mind. Cuz once they are divorced she will have to drop him from her health insurance. Now they are fuk buddies. Yes, they are still married but he still has his place and they are just fukking. In her mind they are in love again.
She came into work the week she explained that to him grinning like an idiot. Then she told me the night before she had had the best sex of her life with him. Hmmm, you two have been together for two years and married for just over 1 year but you JUST HAD THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE????
Yeah.
Right.
All I can think is that health coverage must really be expensive on his job that he put his back into it that deep. Or he learned it from one of his other chicks. *shrug* Or man.
So for a couple weeks she was walking around with this satisfied little smile on her face I guess cuz she hung in there and he’s still there kinda sorta.
Whatever chile, I still think he is playing you.
Now this week she is walking around all upset. She finally went to see a therapist. I advised her to do that a couple months ago. I’m just happy she finally did it. Guess who is against it? Yup, her husband.
As he should be. If she has a moment of clarity she might just realize, he’s playing her.
Cuz I got to wonder…your spouse allows you to cheat within the marriage so why do you want to go your own way? Perhaps you are dabbling in homosexual activities? Perhaps? That’s just my opinion. I think he was all set to go until he realized that he was about to lose a meal ticket. Perhaps now that he’s out there he isn’t quite sure this is the life he wants to lead. Whatever. I can’t read minds but I know something has changed and he isn’t quite ready to let her go. But he’s still dating. He’s an honest hoe. *chuckle* That’s the stipulation of their marriage that he has to be open about who he’s dating. *confused head shake* What is the point in being married?
She is all on his face book page and going through his emails checking the chicks. He seems to be into white girls now according to her. I’m looking at her like why are you going through all this. She’s a wreck. She has a daughter at home that she’s ignoring cuz she wants to go home and go to bed 5 days a week at 7pm and doesn’t want to get out of bed on the weekends at all. *smh* And on his face book page he is happy go lucky. I guess so…he’s got all the benefits of being married to you without actually being your husband. He use to come by and give her half azzed unsatisfying fuks. Then she brings up starting to date herself and starts wearing makeup and dressing better. Then he comes by and fuks her correctly. *chuckle* That meant they were back in love to her. Then she realizes he’s dating white girls now then her mood plummets.
But he’s still coming back to fuk her correctly though cuz he don’t want her to get away. *smh* Girlfriend has gotten her credit together to buy a house. She has got her certificate and getting all her paperwork together to move forward.
I can only guess his motivations cuz I’ve never met the man but yeah, he’s playing her. He should be careful cuz my God does not like ugly. The things he is doing is causing suffering for a child. Her daughter is caught up in the midst of her mother’s emotional rollercoaster and he’s the reason for the mood swings.
All that aside, why doesn’t she know he’s playing her? Does she know? Does she really just not care as long as she can have him part time?
I got no answers. Just plenty of questions. I got friends in similar situations and I don’t understand them anymore than her situation. *sigh*
*scratching head in confusion*
Now, I don’t pretend to know jack about this subject. I ain’t been alive but 5 hot minutes, as my grandma use to say. So though I don’t have the answers I still would like to know. Perhaps I’ll stumble upon them as I live. I can only hope. I ain’t trying to hold up God, Jesus or one of their crew but so long in the afterlife trying to tie up my loose ends. *chuckle* Then there is always that thought lurking in the back of my mind that if I ask too many questions God might just say, “Girl, sounds like you need to go back.” And poof! I’m being born to start all over. No thank you. One go round on this planet is enough for me. *smh smiling*
I mean in the past I have known when guys were playing me. Now even though I knew, I still let them play me. Why? Just to see how far they would take it. To see if the guy in question really is a selfish, egotistical, narcistic azz. Cuz I tell you that I’ve had a brother that I met the week before call me up on Valentine’s Day telling me he needed $500 or he’s about to be evicted. No happy Valentine’s Day or nothing. Just he needs money or he’s about to be homeless. I told him I was broke…*shrug* and I wasn’t lying either cuz I was. I was making $20,000/year at the time and had my own apartment. Please tell me where I had an extra $500 to loan him.
I didn’t hear from him and I was actually worried when he didn’t return my calls. Then one day a few days afterward he picks up the phone. I ask him what happened and you know that begro (begging negro) had the nerve to get smart with me. He said, “Well obviously I didn’t get evicted.” Long story short the begro had a girlfriend already. More than likely he needed the money to take his girl out and was flat broke so he decided to try and trick me out of my hard earned cash. *smh*
Then there was the begro trying to move in with me after knowing him for 2 weeks becuz….wait for it… *smmfh* he had just bought a vehicle that he could not afford along with rent. He chose the vehicle over 4 walls, a bed, shower, and kitchen, etc. So he was sleeping in his truck. Now this begro had 2 jobs. I knew him from the part time job. I knew where he worked cuz coincidentally we both worked at the same company for our full time job. Different departments though. He actually made more on his full time job than me. *smh with eyeroll* Now I know we all get into financial binds but I am pretty sure he knew he couldn’t afford that truck before he bought it. Then he chose the truck over a home to lay his head. Then he thought he should be able to move in with me? Chile ain’t no one’s sex that good…if it is then I don’t want to meet him.
Last example cuz I ain’t typing all night *chuckle*. My ex the jailbird. *tired sigh* I said I’ve dated them all. I’ve had enough bad boys in my life to be totally cured of them.
He only had to do one year. ONE YEAR. He let them inmates play him and I don’t know how much of his time he actually did. I just know that I was done when he had another year added onto his time to serve.
Then one day he calls me up to say that his lawyer can get him out of this mess so he can come home. He asks me if I can loan his aunt $100 to help with the lawyer fee. He’d give it right back out of one of his hidden stashes as soon as he got home. *side eye with raised perfectly arched brow*
Knew it was a lie. Just knew it. Nobody had to tell me ish. I didn’t have to call around to my girlfriends and ask them jack. I knew without a shadow of a doubt BUT I wanted to see how much of a jackazz he really was.
So, I calmly lied and said “Boo, I’m broke. All I got is my jewelry.” I was living at home at the time bringing home $1200/month and paying my mom $200/month, sometimes. I had no car and no credit cards and no kids. I had a savings account and a checking account. I was flush.
Not to mention, I love all things sparkly and shiny. I would hock shyt for me. I would hock shyt for my kid if I had one. I might even hock shyt for 1 out of my 3 sisters. The rest of y’all can pretty much sucka a dyck and be on your way cuz I ain’t hocking MY JEWELRY for not so much as a one of you. JM IRDC *shrug*
I sat on the collect call that I was paying for and waited for his answer. And he said something to this effect, “Boo, you know as soon as I get home I got you. No doubt, girl. Do that for me.”
I shook my head and said “Ok, boo.” Then we settled into our nightly phone sex session. *smh at us*
I went down to my bank and took the money out of my savings account. I gave the money to his aunt and waited. He called everyday like all was cool. He was coming home. He gave me a date and everything. The day he was to come home he’d call me as soon as he was free and I’d meet him and we’d spend the day together.
Chile please, I didn’t even bother to take the day off cuz I knew that shyt was lies. So I took my azz to work like I had good sense. He was supposed to page me when he got home if he couldn’t reach me on my phone. No pages. No messages when I get home.
Mmmm hmmm.
So like clockwork I get my normal collect phone call when they switch the phones on at the jail. Supposedly there was some type of mix up. Mmm hmmm. His lawyer was gonna be pissed. Mmm Hmmm. All hell was gonna break loose when his lawyer got through with these people. Mmm hmmm.
So he asks, “Boo, you want your money back?” Now what the hell does he think if I had actually been stupid enough to hock my jewelry? I mean…really, boo, you gotta ask? So I answer yes so that I can get my stuff out of hock. He says cool or something like that and says he’ll return it. Then he doesn’t call for awhile which is totally unlike him. That ninja called me 7 days/week except when he was in solitary and twice on Saturday and Sunday.
So I go see his aunt and ask her did he send my money back to her and she says no. Ok…that night I do get a phone call and he is pissed. *Mr. Spock side eye* How dare I go to his aunt blah blah blah blah. I had been looking for an out and he presented me with one all packaged. I blew that shyt up into a relationship ending argument. He called me a bytch, told me to return his shyt cuz we were done and slammed the phone down on me. *grinning* And that’s all I wanted in the first place. It cost me a $100 but I didn’t have anyone stalking me, no drive bys, only a couple bytches yelled through the recording for the collect call and then he moved on to whoever. My azz went to Florida on vacation and relaxed my nerves. I was temping at the time and decided to take the rest of the month off when I got back. *LMAO* Gotta fukking love it.
A few years later I had moved out and just happened to be at my mom’s house and guess whose azz calls me from jail? My sister answered the phone cuz you know I wouldn’t have taken that call. We had a kind of code, if when the call went through he didn’t hear my voice he would say my nephew’s name in the recording. He played like he was nephew for a minute then asked for me. As I walked to the phone I had a feeling it was him. He was a pitiful begro on that call. I just calmly brought up how he disrespected me and how hurt I was blah blah blah blah blah blah. Got his azz off that phone quick fast and in a real hurry. Cuz I had a feeling he was lying when he said he was downtown, a local collect call costing just $0.85 back then.
Now when the bill comes in next month it’s for $5 plus change becuz he had been calling from an out of town correctional facility. *smh* Do you know my sister accepted the call but she expected me to pay for it cuz I talked to him last or longest or something? I gave her azz $6 and told her to keep the change. Cuz it wasn’t worth fussing over.
Funny how one year turned into more and he was still locked up. I didn’t wish him any harm. I put him out of my mind and only think of him when I run across my box of mementos.
See I know that if I let them fuk up then the onus is on them when I walk away. It’s not my fault and they have no one to blame but themselves. I only let them take it so far before I flip the script and leave.
So if I know…what’s up with everyone else?
See, I recently caught my self-satisfied smile on the face of a woman who I feel like is getting played by “her” (I’ll let you be the judge of whether he is truly hers or not) man. She was smiling the same smile back at me cuz she gotta man and I don’t.
You know me…all or nothing. I’m still good with nothing. She don’t get it yet but she will if we spend enough time around each other. Then she’ll be perplexed and the questions will begin. Or the resentment. *shrug* I am so done apologizing for being me when I ain’t hurting a soul.
Anyhoodles, she is married. She believes in that exact same mess that Mo’Nique is talking about. She doesn’t believe in monogamy blah blah blah. Whatever helps you get through your life. I don’t live there and it ain’t my coochay that he’s running up in with different coochays and azzes all on his peen. So do you Mo and all the folk who follow behind you. AIDS is no way to die if you ain’t got to. I will repeat this until I am senile and can’t remember the ish no more.
Back to topic. So her man is free to cheat in their marriage. After a year of marriage he decides he wants to be single. She is walking around here in tears cuz a) all her sick time was used up to have her tubes untied so they can try to have a baby b) she don’t understand why he won’t stay married to her since he can cheat all he wants and has been.
So she has been on this up and down emotional rollercoaster ride with him. One minute he is ready for a divorce. Then the minute she says ok, make sure you can afford health insurance on your job, he changes his mind. Cuz once they are divorced she will have to drop him from her health insurance. Now they are fuk buddies. Yes, they are still married but he still has his place and they are just fukking. In her mind they are in love again.
She came into work the week she explained that to him grinning like an idiot. Then she told me the night before she had had the best sex of her life with him. Hmmm, you two have been together for two years and married for just over 1 year but you JUST HAD THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE????
Yeah.
Right.
All I can think is that health coverage must really be expensive on his job that he put his back into it that deep. Or he learned it from one of his other chicks. *shrug* Or man.
So for a couple weeks she was walking around with this satisfied little smile on her face I guess cuz she hung in there and he’s still there kinda sorta.
Whatever chile, I still think he is playing you.
Now this week she is walking around all upset. She finally went to see a therapist. I advised her to do that a couple months ago. I’m just happy she finally did it. Guess who is against it? Yup, her husband.
As he should be. If she has a moment of clarity she might just realize, he’s playing her.
Cuz I got to wonder…your spouse allows you to cheat within the marriage so why do you want to go your own way? Perhaps you are dabbling in homosexual activities? Perhaps? That’s just my opinion. I think he was all set to go until he realized that he was about to lose a meal ticket. Perhaps now that he’s out there he isn’t quite sure this is the life he wants to lead. Whatever. I can’t read minds but I know something has changed and he isn’t quite ready to let her go. But he’s still dating. He’s an honest hoe. *chuckle* That’s the stipulation of their marriage that he has to be open about who he’s dating. *confused head shake* What is the point in being married?
She is all on his face book page and going through his emails checking the chicks. He seems to be into white girls now according to her. I’m looking at her like why are you going through all this. She’s a wreck. She has a daughter at home that she’s ignoring cuz she wants to go home and go to bed 5 days a week at 7pm and doesn’t want to get out of bed on the weekends at all. *smh* And on his face book page he is happy go lucky. I guess so…he’s got all the benefits of being married to you without actually being your husband. He use to come by and give her half azzed unsatisfying fuks. Then she brings up starting to date herself and starts wearing makeup and dressing better. Then he comes by and fuks her correctly. *chuckle* That meant they were back in love to her. Then she realizes he’s dating white girls now then her mood plummets.
But he’s still coming back to fuk her correctly though cuz he don’t want her to get away. *smh* Girlfriend has gotten her credit together to buy a house. She has got her certificate and getting all her paperwork together to move forward.
I can only guess his motivations cuz I’ve never met the man but yeah, he’s playing her. He should be careful cuz my God does not like ugly. The things he is doing is causing suffering for a child. Her daughter is caught up in the midst of her mother’s emotional rollercoaster and he’s the reason for the mood swings.
All that aside, why doesn’t she know he’s playing her? Does she know? Does she really just not care as long as she can have him part time?
I got no answers. Just plenty of questions. I got friends in similar situations and I don’t understand them anymore than her situation. *sigh*
*scratching head in confusion*
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Angry rant in 5...4...3...2...1...
I am not going to make a last ditch effort to have a kid.
Ok, I am going to vent this and be done with it. It seems every woman (and surprisingly a few men) thinks it is their job to encourage me to have a baby before it is too late cuz “42 isn’t too late.”
Every last one of y’all can kiss my azz. Period.
I know it is possible that you mean well. I can see that for a few of you. True, there is nothing like holding a newborn in your arms and that newborn scent *smile* and I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it must be to know that little bundle of warmth and love is all yours. It must be a beautiful feeling. It is one I shall never know. But don’t cry for me cuz…*shrug* I’m ok with it.
However, I believe most of you are miserable and want to share the misery with me. My happy, well rested azz just irks your soul! Not my fault your 12 year old still has night terrors and you are too fukking stupid to take them to a MD and/or a therapist to see if y’all can figure out what the problem is.
Hey I got problems, too. My problems just don’t include whether or not my child will be a teen parent. If I had a child now I’d be in my 50s by the time they reached adolescence and uh uh…that is not a good look. I would be 60 by the time they graduated high school and would need to wheel down the aisle in my Hoveraround at their college/trade school graduation. If they chose to go to grad school or medical school FML I may not live to see them graduate at all.
Fuk you all very much but no thank you!
Look, I watched my mother struggle to raise 4 children pretty much on her own. My father was a drive by daddy. He came by from time to time. I don’t remember him being at a single important function in my life. Well, there were a few exceptions like when I had the chicken pox he stayed with me while my mother went to work. I remember him taking me with him when he took my mother out one mother’s day or her birthday. One of those. And of course we got a couple pictures of him one father’s day. That’s about it. He died when I was 13 so that ended the memories.
Even then it didn’t really sink in that I did not want to be a single mother until my senior year in high school. My mother gave me a choice, I could go to senior prom or I could go on the class trip to France. She couldn’t afford to pay for both. I chose the senior prom of course cuz that’s where all my friends would be and I don’t regret that choice. But I made a solemn promise to my unborn kids that I’d find a husband and father for them or I wouldn’t have them. I promised them that they would not have to choose. They’d have the prom and the trip to France if they so chose.
I found more than a few sperm donors but no suitable husband for myself so…it just wasn’t meant to be.
And now, watching how some people raise their kids I am glad I didn’t have kids. A lot of these parents are fukking retarded raising up a retarded generation right after them.
What the fuk is wrong with you having a kid in school that has Aspberger’s syndrome but don’t want your kid treated differently so you don’t tell anyone? Kids with Aspberger’s syndrome can be violent and often there is something that will set them off. You fukking retarded azzhole! You know what your child’s trigger is, and the shyt is so simple you ought to already know what I’m getting ready to type, but becuz you don’t want your child treated different you keep all this information to yourself. You selfish bastids!
And of course someone sets your little retarded azz darling off and they assault children and teacher and your stupid azz sitting there like you did nothing wrong. People of the world, know that if my kid had come home with a knot on his or her head becuz they just happened to have the misfortune to be in the classroom when your retarded azz seed lost their mind and started throwing books, chairs, desks etc then you AND your retarded azz seed would have knots upon your head...one day when you least expect it. That’s after I filed charges against you. Then sued your azz until you are so broke you have to go on Welfare and get fukking Section 8 housing. Then one day years down the line when this shyt is all settled and forgotten in your mind me and my kid would whop you and your kid’s azz.
Fuktards! I hate them!
Your kid isn’t any better than anyone else’s just because it has a developmental problem. But our fukking retarded azz president george w. bush (yeah I did that on purpose) said that no child shall be left behind. We wasn’t leaving your fukking retarded azz child behind they were where they could be cared for and protected. Now everyone’s child has to suffer becuz some people don’t deserve the privilege of procreation becuz they fukking do not understand the responsibilities that go along with it.
Yes, the above happened in real life. Not to me or mine but to someone else’s child. People need to thank God everyday that I have no kids.
I have watched and am watching my friends and coworkers struggle to raise kids on their own. All but one keeps telling me it is worth it. Oh really? I think that’s what people tell themselves when they have no other choice.
I see babies’ daddies just totally disrespecting the same women they were all hugged up on until he got her pregnant. And this won’t be an immediate change mind you but gradual. By month 7-8 they are done and moving on. You are just an evil bytch and they don’t know what they ever saw in your azz. That’s your baby, bytch. Bye.
I can say a lot about TPL but I can’t call him a deadbeat dad. Even when his ex-wife (see the difference in baby momma) decided she didn’t want him to see his kids for 3 months cuz she had remarried and she wanted them to spend the summer bonding with their new stepdaddy. They still hate their stepfather but that’s another story. *chuckle*
But he got pissed with and actually cut off a buddy of his cuz the friend didn’t want to pay a measly $35/ week in child support. Now before you judge, TPL’s friend was being paid under the table so the courts didn’t even judge his support correctly and to top it off the guy owned rental properties. Yes, residual income. And he didn’t want to pay $35/week in child support. TPL cussed him out and told him to take a hike cuz the shyt wasn’t cool. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the mother, child support is for the child. He has repeated that many times. He is really adamant about it.
That’s one story in a hundred that I could tell about deadbeat dads.
Kids are expensive. I think that is self explanatory. I don’t need to explain further.
It’s illegal to discipline them in any way, shape or form. And all the fuktard parents out there who actually believe that you can raise EVERY child without spanking them y’all get on my nerves. Y’all children usually the ones that need an azz whipping.
No. You. Can’t. Raise. Every. Child. Without. Spanking.
Even Dr. Spock had to recant that shyt. His studies, as are most studies, are conducted on middle to upper middle class kids. Well fed, clothed and housed children. Kids who aren’t crack babies, have fetal alcohol syndrome, lead paint poisoning (yes in 2010), malnourished, etc.
This boolshyt study comes out and everyone wants to jump on board…in 20 years most of you people who follow behind this mess will be sleeping behind a door with a deadbolt lock becuz you are scared of your kids.
Just. Like. My. Sister. Sissy.
Think on that shyt while you are timing out your kid and they looking at you like fuk you and time out, bytch, I’m out this corner. And your fukking retarded azz is laughing cuz you think it is cute how they walk and talk like a grown azz street person at 2 years of age.
Sissy thought she could raise her kids differently. She stated time and again as her kids got in trouble time and again that she wasn’t raising her kids like our mother raised us. Let’s see all 4 of us are grown and for the most part standing on our own feet…except her of course. She has been defiant my whole life and it still profits her nothing.
Let’s see. She has 6 children. Three baby daddies. Son #1 has 13 children living, not married to a soul, just recently got a job, he’s 35, he thinks this shyt is cute. Son #2 is in jail and I ain’t seen him since I was 19 don’t think he’ll be out till I’m in my 50s. Yes, his crime was that deep AND made the fukking news. Son #3 is in jail and I ain’t seen him in about 5 or more years. But when he is out of jail he is a crackhead. His last crime made the news but it was under stupid criminals and I’m ashamed to say what he did. Fourth child, GFN. Beautiful girl found a good man to marry her. After 2.5 years of marriage she decided she’d rather run the streets then stay home and be a wife and mother. This bytch is 31 years old with 2 kids. Son #4 has been in community college for the last 6 years and no he’s not done yet according to him. Son #5 is now in trade school but the verdict isn’t in on him yet.
Yeah, she didn’t raise her kids like our mother raised us and look how fukking wonderful they turned out. No church, no discipline, and miscellaneous ninjas running through their lives. Yeah…y’all keep listening to these studies without knowing who the study subjects were and what controls they used.
The kids getting beat might have come out of a home life where violence is the norm anyway. Beat them or not (like my nephews) they still grew up violent. If you sitting up watching Face Off or whatever really violent crazy movie is out now with your 6 year old…you are gonna have problems. If your kids talk back to you and you laugh…you are gonna have problems. If your kids call you by your first name…you got problems.
Oh…and sometimes these scientists lie. Found that out by working with a these fukkers. I was sitting there one day while some scientists that I use to work for were discussing an experiment that had been published in a very well known journal. Most people would know this journal if I mentioned it here but I won’t. Anyway, they were all discussing how neither they nor any of the scientists they knew in their field could duplicate the results of this published study. I ain’t just talking in that particular lab or company or even the USA. They had been in touch with scientists in other countries also working in this field and no one could duplicate the results. And the scientist in question wasn’t entertaining questions from his colleagues.
Yeah…y’all keep believing these scientists hook, line, and sinker. They are just as human as the rest of us. Therefore, just as prone to lying.
Then I would be trying to raise mine the right way with your little igglets. No. Fukking. Thank. You. Having to fight every day for their minds, bodies and souls. Cuz they wanna follow behind your kids and have cell phones at 6, wearing Gucci & Prada at 7, cussing me out at 8, having sex at 12, having babies at 13 that I’d be responsible for, telling me when they coming and going at 14, having another baby at 15, dropping out of school at 16, fighting me 16-18. Refusing to leave at 18 when it is legal to put their azzes out cuz where they and the 3 babies gonna go. Then in and out of your life and wrecking your home, credit, and bank accounts. Fuk that. Fuk you. Fuk a study.
And don’t even get me started on pedophiles. Trust and know that as the aunty and godmother of several children I believe it is my duty to put their azzes down like the rabid animals they are. We have a case in Bmore now where a man has raped a 21 month old child. Yeah, if that was my blood he’d be a chalk outline. No doubt and I would be sitting there waiting on the cops. I ain’t hide shyt. If someone had done that to the person that molested them we wouldn’t have all the molesters we have now.
Do you get it? I don’t want a baby at this point and time in my life.
And fuk no, I don’t want to adopt a kid either. Got a coworker who keeps trying to get me to do that as she has done…difference here is she has a…*gasp*…husband! And his azz actually helps in all aspects of child rearing (according to her).
I don’t want to foster a kid either.
I like the fact that when I put something down it stays where I left it. If it is not there then guess what? My old azz just forgot where I put and it will turn up. And it does…and it is not sticky or dirty or broken or lodged anywhere that requires a trip to the ER!
There are a lot of pluses to having kids but in this day and age it is just too fukking hard. There are too many fukking retards with degrees trying to tell me how to raise my kid and most of them are wrong. People don’t blindly trust anyone who can’t work a fukking fax machine with anything as important as the rearing of your child. Most of the MDs, PhDs, BSs, MASs, etc that I have known couldn’t work the freaking fax machine and it had been sitting there longer than me. *smh*
And finally, I’m not Halle Berry, or J Lo or Brad & Angelina. I don’t have access to the wealth that these people do. I don’t have the ends to make sure my kid goes to private schools, violin lessons, ballet classes, martial arts classes, etc. There is no Palates, spa days, million dollar vacations etc for me to get away, lipo suction, boob lifts, etc. I don’t have mansions or servants or au pares. I believe you need all of these things and more to have a baby after 40.
I saw a woman at the grocery store Saturday that pretty much looked like what I would look like with a kid at this point in my life. She has my sincere sympathies:
This woman looked like she was coming up on 50 if not past it. She was dressed in a shapeless washed out denim skirt, the kind I wear to take out the trash after I’m done cleaning. She had on an equally shapeless red sweat shirt. She was a large woman. Her hair looked dry and was all over her head, basically what mine looks like after great sex or I’ve been out drinking. I would never go out in public thusly. Though I have the same outfit my hair is always secured in a bun while cleaning to keep it out of my eyes. So, I look better taking out the trash than this poor woman looked at the supermarket. *smh*
She had with her a boy of about 4 or 5 years of age. I ran into her as I was turning down the aisle she was in. She was at the helm of her shopping cart in the middle of the passage. You could not get past her. Her child, for he could be no other, was standing in front of her cart blocking everyone’s way on a Saturday afternoon talking the nonsense that children talk. It had no bearing on what was going on that day or why he was holding up her and about 4 other shoppers, myself among them. She finally looked over the gathering crowd and then down at her boy and asked “Ok. But what direction do you want to go in?” To which he responded pointing to the left “This way!”
We all moved back and let them pass. I shook my head realizing as they passed that in 4 or 5 years that could be me if I listened to these people who keep telling me that 42 isn’t too late for me to have a baby.
Fukking liars! It is too late! But I know that these liars are not going to let it go. I suspect some of them realize they are getting on my nerves that is why they keep bringing it up. Or maybe they are trying to make sure I don’t miss out on one of life’s most amazing events, the creating of a life, watching it grow and mature and become someone wonderful.
But they might not turn out to be wonderful. Hitler, Manson, Jim Jones, Son of Sam, The Hillside Stranglers, BTK, Columbine Killers, etc were all someone’s little warm bundle of joy once and look how they turned out.
*shrug* Oh well.
It doesn’t really matter becuz I now have the perfect response to all those fukking liars out there who keep telling me that it is not too late for me to have a baby. A quick bland smile. Then a blank stare. *smirk* It works every time. You can’t argue with silence. You can try but eventually they give up when they see they aren’t making you mad and they aren’t changing your mind.
*inhale, exhale* There. I’ve vented and I’m done. My quiet has returned.
Ok, I am going to vent this and be done with it. It seems every woman (and surprisingly a few men) thinks it is their job to encourage me to have a baby before it is too late cuz “42 isn’t too late.”
Every last one of y’all can kiss my azz. Period.
I know it is possible that you mean well. I can see that for a few of you. True, there is nothing like holding a newborn in your arms and that newborn scent *smile* and I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it must be to know that little bundle of warmth and love is all yours. It must be a beautiful feeling. It is one I shall never know. But don’t cry for me cuz…*shrug* I’m ok with it.
However, I believe most of you are miserable and want to share the misery with me. My happy, well rested azz just irks your soul! Not my fault your 12 year old still has night terrors and you are too fukking stupid to take them to a MD and/or a therapist to see if y’all can figure out what the problem is.
Hey I got problems, too. My problems just don’t include whether or not my child will be a teen parent. If I had a child now I’d be in my 50s by the time they reached adolescence and uh uh…that is not a good look. I would be 60 by the time they graduated high school and would need to wheel down the aisle in my Hoveraround at their college/trade school graduation. If they chose to go to grad school or medical school FML I may not live to see them graduate at all.
Fuk you all very much but no thank you!
Look, I watched my mother struggle to raise 4 children pretty much on her own. My father was a drive by daddy. He came by from time to time. I don’t remember him being at a single important function in my life. Well, there were a few exceptions like when I had the chicken pox he stayed with me while my mother went to work. I remember him taking me with him when he took my mother out one mother’s day or her birthday. One of those. And of course we got a couple pictures of him one father’s day. That’s about it. He died when I was 13 so that ended the memories.
Even then it didn’t really sink in that I did not want to be a single mother until my senior year in high school. My mother gave me a choice, I could go to senior prom or I could go on the class trip to France. She couldn’t afford to pay for both. I chose the senior prom of course cuz that’s where all my friends would be and I don’t regret that choice. But I made a solemn promise to my unborn kids that I’d find a husband and father for them or I wouldn’t have them. I promised them that they would not have to choose. They’d have the prom and the trip to France if they so chose.
I found more than a few sperm donors but no suitable husband for myself so…it just wasn’t meant to be.
And now, watching how some people raise their kids I am glad I didn’t have kids. A lot of these parents are fukking retarded raising up a retarded generation right after them.
What the fuk is wrong with you having a kid in school that has Aspberger’s syndrome but don’t want your kid treated differently so you don’t tell anyone? Kids with Aspberger’s syndrome can be violent and often there is something that will set them off. You fukking retarded azzhole! You know what your child’s trigger is, and the shyt is so simple you ought to already know what I’m getting ready to type, but becuz you don’t want your child treated different you keep all this information to yourself. You selfish bastids!
And of course someone sets your little retarded azz darling off and they assault children and teacher and your stupid azz sitting there like you did nothing wrong. People of the world, know that if my kid had come home with a knot on his or her head becuz they just happened to have the misfortune to be in the classroom when your retarded azz seed lost their mind and started throwing books, chairs, desks etc then you AND your retarded azz seed would have knots upon your head...one day when you least expect it. That’s after I filed charges against you. Then sued your azz until you are so broke you have to go on Welfare and get fukking Section 8 housing. Then one day years down the line when this shyt is all settled and forgotten in your mind me and my kid would whop you and your kid’s azz.
Fuktards! I hate them!
Your kid isn’t any better than anyone else’s just because it has a developmental problem. But our fukking retarded azz president george w. bush (yeah I did that on purpose) said that no child shall be left behind. We wasn’t leaving your fukking retarded azz child behind they were where they could be cared for and protected. Now everyone’s child has to suffer becuz some people don’t deserve the privilege of procreation becuz they fukking do not understand the responsibilities that go along with it.
Yes, the above happened in real life. Not to me or mine but to someone else’s child. People need to thank God everyday that I have no kids.
I have watched and am watching my friends and coworkers struggle to raise kids on their own. All but one keeps telling me it is worth it. Oh really? I think that’s what people tell themselves when they have no other choice.
I see babies’ daddies just totally disrespecting the same women they were all hugged up on until he got her pregnant. And this won’t be an immediate change mind you but gradual. By month 7-8 they are done and moving on. You are just an evil bytch and they don’t know what they ever saw in your azz. That’s your baby, bytch. Bye.
I can say a lot about TPL but I can’t call him a deadbeat dad. Even when his ex-wife (see the difference in baby momma) decided she didn’t want him to see his kids for 3 months cuz she had remarried and she wanted them to spend the summer bonding with their new stepdaddy. They still hate their stepfather but that’s another story. *chuckle*
But he got pissed with and actually cut off a buddy of his cuz the friend didn’t want to pay a measly $35/ week in child support. Now before you judge, TPL’s friend was being paid under the table so the courts didn’t even judge his support correctly and to top it off the guy owned rental properties. Yes, residual income. And he didn’t want to pay $35/week in child support. TPL cussed him out and told him to take a hike cuz the shyt wasn’t cool. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the mother, child support is for the child. He has repeated that many times. He is really adamant about it.
That’s one story in a hundred that I could tell about deadbeat dads.
Kids are expensive. I think that is self explanatory. I don’t need to explain further.
It’s illegal to discipline them in any way, shape or form. And all the fuktard parents out there who actually believe that you can raise EVERY child without spanking them y’all get on my nerves. Y’all children usually the ones that need an azz whipping.
No. You. Can’t. Raise. Every. Child. Without. Spanking.
Even Dr. Spock had to recant that shyt. His studies, as are most studies, are conducted on middle to upper middle class kids. Well fed, clothed and housed children. Kids who aren’t crack babies, have fetal alcohol syndrome, lead paint poisoning (yes in 2010), malnourished, etc.
This boolshyt study comes out and everyone wants to jump on board…in 20 years most of you people who follow behind this mess will be sleeping behind a door with a deadbolt lock becuz you are scared of your kids.
Just. Like. My. Sister. Sissy.
Think on that shyt while you are timing out your kid and they looking at you like fuk you and time out, bytch, I’m out this corner. And your fukking retarded azz is laughing cuz you think it is cute how they walk and talk like a grown azz street person at 2 years of age.
Sissy thought she could raise her kids differently. She stated time and again as her kids got in trouble time and again that she wasn’t raising her kids like our mother raised us. Let’s see all 4 of us are grown and for the most part standing on our own feet…except her of course. She has been defiant my whole life and it still profits her nothing.
Let’s see. She has 6 children. Three baby daddies. Son #1 has 13 children living, not married to a soul, just recently got a job, he’s 35, he thinks this shyt is cute. Son #2 is in jail and I ain’t seen him since I was 19 don’t think he’ll be out till I’m in my 50s. Yes, his crime was that deep AND made the fukking news. Son #3 is in jail and I ain’t seen him in about 5 or more years. But when he is out of jail he is a crackhead. His last crime made the news but it was under stupid criminals and I’m ashamed to say what he did. Fourth child, GFN. Beautiful girl found a good man to marry her. After 2.5 years of marriage she decided she’d rather run the streets then stay home and be a wife and mother. This bytch is 31 years old with 2 kids. Son #4 has been in community college for the last 6 years and no he’s not done yet according to him. Son #5 is now in trade school but the verdict isn’t in on him yet.
Yeah, she didn’t raise her kids like our mother raised us and look how fukking wonderful they turned out. No church, no discipline, and miscellaneous ninjas running through their lives. Yeah…y’all keep listening to these studies without knowing who the study subjects were and what controls they used.
The kids getting beat might have come out of a home life where violence is the norm anyway. Beat them or not (like my nephews) they still grew up violent. If you sitting up watching Face Off or whatever really violent crazy movie is out now with your 6 year old…you are gonna have problems. If your kids talk back to you and you laugh…you are gonna have problems. If your kids call you by your first name…you got problems.
Oh…and sometimes these scientists lie. Found that out by working with a these fukkers. I was sitting there one day while some scientists that I use to work for were discussing an experiment that had been published in a very well known journal. Most people would know this journal if I mentioned it here but I won’t. Anyway, they were all discussing how neither they nor any of the scientists they knew in their field could duplicate the results of this published study. I ain’t just talking in that particular lab or company or even the USA. They had been in touch with scientists in other countries also working in this field and no one could duplicate the results. And the scientist in question wasn’t entertaining questions from his colleagues.
Yeah…y’all keep believing these scientists hook, line, and sinker. They are just as human as the rest of us. Therefore, just as prone to lying.
Then I would be trying to raise mine the right way with your little igglets. No. Fukking. Thank. You. Having to fight every day for their minds, bodies and souls. Cuz they wanna follow behind your kids and have cell phones at 6, wearing Gucci & Prada at 7, cussing me out at 8, having sex at 12, having babies at 13 that I’d be responsible for, telling me when they coming and going at 14, having another baby at 15, dropping out of school at 16, fighting me 16-18. Refusing to leave at 18 when it is legal to put their azzes out cuz where they and the 3 babies gonna go. Then in and out of your life and wrecking your home, credit, and bank accounts. Fuk that. Fuk you. Fuk a study.
And don’t even get me started on pedophiles. Trust and know that as the aunty and godmother of several children I believe it is my duty to put their azzes down like the rabid animals they are. We have a case in Bmore now where a man has raped a 21 month old child. Yeah, if that was my blood he’d be a chalk outline. No doubt and I would be sitting there waiting on the cops. I ain’t hide shyt. If someone had done that to the person that molested them we wouldn’t have all the molesters we have now.
Do you get it? I don’t want a baby at this point and time in my life.
And fuk no, I don’t want to adopt a kid either. Got a coworker who keeps trying to get me to do that as she has done…difference here is she has a…*gasp*…husband! And his azz actually helps in all aspects of child rearing (according to her).
I don’t want to foster a kid either.
I like the fact that when I put something down it stays where I left it. If it is not there then guess what? My old azz just forgot where I put and it will turn up. And it does…and it is not sticky or dirty or broken or lodged anywhere that requires a trip to the ER!
There are a lot of pluses to having kids but in this day and age it is just too fukking hard. There are too many fukking retards with degrees trying to tell me how to raise my kid and most of them are wrong. People don’t blindly trust anyone who can’t work a fukking fax machine with anything as important as the rearing of your child. Most of the MDs, PhDs, BSs, MASs, etc that I have known couldn’t work the freaking fax machine and it had been sitting there longer than me. *smh*
And finally, I’m not Halle Berry, or J Lo or Brad & Angelina. I don’t have access to the wealth that these people do. I don’t have the ends to make sure my kid goes to private schools, violin lessons, ballet classes, martial arts classes, etc. There is no Palates, spa days, million dollar vacations etc for me to get away, lipo suction, boob lifts, etc. I don’t have mansions or servants or au pares. I believe you need all of these things and more to have a baby after 40.
I saw a woman at the grocery store Saturday that pretty much looked like what I would look like with a kid at this point in my life. She has my sincere sympathies:
This woman looked like she was coming up on 50 if not past it. She was dressed in a shapeless washed out denim skirt, the kind I wear to take out the trash after I’m done cleaning. She had on an equally shapeless red sweat shirt. She was a large woman. Her hair looked dry and was all over her head, basically what mine looks like after great sex or I’ve been out drinking. I would never go out in public thusly. Though I have the same outfit my hair is always secured in a bun while cleaning to keep it out of my eyes. So, I look better taking out the trash than this poor woman looked at the supermarket. *smh*
She had with her a boy of about 4 or 5 years of age. I ran into her as I was turning down the aisle she was in. She was at the helm of her shopping cart in the middle of the passage. You could not get past her. Her child, for he could be no other, was standing in front of her cart blocking everyone’s way on a Saturday afternoon talking the nonsense that children talk. It had no bearing on what was going on that day or why he was holding up her and about 4 other shoppers, myself among them. She finally looked over the gathering crowd and then down at her boy and asked “Ok. But what direction do you want to go in?” To which he responded pointing to the left “This way!”
We all moved back and let them pass. I shook my head realizing as they passed that in 4 or 5 years that could be me if I listened to these people who keep telling me that 42 isn’t too late for me to have a baby.
Fukking liars! It is too late! But I know that these liars are not going to let it go. I suspect some of them realize they are getting on my nerves that is why they keep bringing it up. Or maybe they are trying to make sure I don’t miss out on one of life’s most amazing events, the creating of a life, watching it grow and mature and become someone wonderful.
But they might not turn out to be wonderful. Hitler, Manson, Jim Jones, Son of Sam, The Hillside Stranglers, BTK, Columbine Killers, etc were all someone’s little warm bundle of joy once and look how they turned out.
*shrug* Oh well.
It doesn’t really matter becuz I now have the perfect response to all those fukking liars out there who keep telling me that it is not too late for me to have a baby. A quick bland smile. Then a blank stare. *smirk* It works every time. You can’t argue with silence. You can try but eventually they give up when they see they aren’t making you mad and they aren’t changing your mind.
*inhale, exhale* There. I’ve vented and I’m done. My quiet has returned.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Bitter black men.
I think I make some men mad at me. Maybe I am just over analyzing but these are just my observations.
I think I am the 80/20 rule when it comes to women. In case you don’t know what that is it is just this, I am 80% of what most men say they are looking for in a woman.
I can cook very very well. My specialty is down home southern cooking. Still working on my mac n cheese and biscuit recipes but I’m getting there. I make the greens that make the family show up for every holiday gathering and the pot is always empty at the end of the evening. *chuckle* And I recently discovered that I make a mean pound cake. I thought my sister Cookie was the only one who could hurt your feelings with her deserts but I have found my desert specialty. Oh. My. Word. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and…I have no words for how good it is.
Southern cooking is my specialty but that’s not all I can cook. My spaghetti sauce has received the ultimate compliment: it disappeared at a department function. LOL Everyone kept asking me my secret *lol*. No secret really, it is Ragu with some home doctoring. I learned it from Cookie and I believe her sauce is even better than mine. *LOL* She does hers in a slow cooker. I just cook mine the day before I serve it and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then heat and serve. The seasonings go thru and thru that way.
I can follow most recipes and have it turn out well. I enjoy cooking in and cleaning a quiet house. *chuckle* I find myself meditating while I am cooking and cleaning as long as it’s quiet. I find afterward though my body is tired my mind is so clear.
I like and keep a tidy home. Not spotless but tidy.
I work and bring home a decent salary, thank You very much my Lord God. I have been told I am not supposed to be working at the level I am working at, especially with no degree. *shrug* Try my God. I loves Him and His son Jesus. They really do work miracles.
I don’t smoke. I have no baby daddies. I don’t have miscellaneous exes hanging around. When a relationship is done then it’s done. I stop. Recover from whatever needs to be recovered from. Learn from my mistakes and move on. I wish the man the best while I am at it. No hard feelings here. That’s wasted emotion.
I am well groomed. I may not have top of the line anything but I look good in what I wear. I keep myself neat and tidy.
I enjoy sex and enjoy pleasing a man as long as he reciprocates. There isn’t much in the bedroom that’s taboo. And I keep what happens in my bedroom in my bedroom.
I haven’t turned into a bitter black woman becuz I am single at 42 years of age. *shrug* There are far more good women (of all colors) than there are good black men. A lot of good black men date women of all colors which makes the pool of available good black men even smaller. It is what it is. Besides, I am not just looking for a good black man. I am looking for an extraordinary man. All colors may apply. *smirk*
With all that going for me why am I only 80%? Well becuz I don’t look like Halle Berry, Amber Rose (I wanna be her smarter more talented clone), Janet Jackson, Stacey Dash, Pam Greer (I wanted to be her clone first), Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union, Lela Rashon, or *sigh* Sade. Among others but these women make the top of my list of beautiful black women as the media would have society accept beauty.
However, my purely aesthetic list includes all of the above along with Mo’Nique, Jill Scott, Nina Simone, Tina Turner (RIGHT NOW), Jos Stone, the ladies of the duet that is Flowetry, Queen Latifah, Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, etc. My list could go on and on. But that’s not beauty in the eyes of many men. *shrug* That’s what I mean about that 20%.
The extraordinary man that I am looking for sees past the aesthetics of beauty to what is real. The world’s perception of beauty is easy on the eyes but it can be very hard on the heart, mind and soul. He, like me, has already been there and done that. He’s looking for someone of substance. Just like me.
But I digress.
I am not society’s standard of beauty and I am not going to try to twist myself into it either. End up crazier than a rabid dog. No thank you. If I end up alone…I won’t be bitter about it. I want what I want or I don’t want anything at all. I’ve always been this way.
Best way to explain me is this story. I’ll try to keep it short. *chuckle*
When I was about 8 or 9 years old I went with my mother to buy new blankets for the family. Since I was with her my mother let me pick out my own. I picked out a lovely shade of blue but alas it only came in a king size and my bed was a twin. My mother said she was not going to be constantly washing that blanket becuz it would just drag on the floor. She told me to pick another blanket. I refused. She said fine but you’ll be cold this winter. I knew better than to talk back but I thought to myself no I wouldn’t. Becuz, everyone else was getting new blankets, I would just take their old ones and put them on my bed. I had a nice toasty winter.
I’d rather be content with what I have then settle for less than what I want. I’ve settled with other things in my life and never been satisfied, content or happy with what I got. I won’t settle when it comes to a man. I’ll just make 3 people very unhappy. Me, him, and the woman he could have been with.
But the problem comes into play for me when I am around men on a regular basis. Though women sometimes try to shove me into the lesbian category, men always know I am heterosexual. Women try to shove me into the gay category becuz I don’t keep a man. Not even just to have someone to sex. *shrug* I got a vibrator and batteries. Though it’s not the same, there is no drama factor with the vibrator. I’ve noticed that women who keep exes around for sex have a hard time getting rid of them when they find a new guy. Then they and their new guy end up having a parting of the ways before the relationship can even get off the ground. No thank you. Keep it moving. Maybe we can be friends in 20 years or so. I mean let’s be real here…this guy is an ex for a reason. I forgive but I ain’t forgot why I am not with you anymore.
So after a man gets to know me, if he is single (and sometimes not) and he finds himself attracted to me, he will make that move. Sometimes it is subtle, fellas cut this out cuz I sometimes miss subtle just like you all do. Sometimes it is not subtle at all, fellas I appreciate this cuz it leaves no room for misunderstandings.
A guy makes a move and they get let down easy. I already know before they make that move whether we’ll be good for each other.
How? Simple, I am a charmer. While I am charming you (male or female) I am learning you. What type of person you are and whether you have a place in my life.
I was born and raised in Baltimore and have lived here, except for brief periods, all of my life. I know these men very well. Even the guys transplanted from other areas. Therefore, I’ve seen most types of men. Most not all. As I am charming a guy I know invariably most guys are going to find themselves attracted to me whether they think they do fat chicks or not. It’s just my nature. I’m very cool like that.
The more I charm the more men tell me. By the time a lot guys make that move on me I’ve already decided whether the drama they are bringing is worth it. Most of the time it isn’t. *shrug* It is what it is.
I am 42 years old. I don’t do baby momma drama. Period. I don’t do men still living at home with momma, aunty, sister, cuzin, or granny. If it is his house (need to see mortgage documents) and they are living with him that’s different. That all comes out while I’m charming him, trust me. I don’t smoke and I don’t do smokers. I think a man should be just as comfortable in my home as he is in his own home. If he smokes there after sex then he should be able to smoke with his lady after sex. You cannot smoke in my home. Period.
I don’t do junkies, alcoholics and gamblers who are not in recovery. I don’t have any of those things going on and don’t wanna deal with anyone else’s demons.
I work so my love you have to work too unless you are independently wealthy (Call me!). You must be STD/STI free and must be willing to take a test to prove this at my doctor’s office. Trust isn’t given, babe, it’s earned one step at a time.
So when I am shooting down these guys they don’t like it. Cuz you know fat chicks are supposed to be happy just to have man interested in them. *double eyeroll* Whatever. Not this fat chick. Add to the fact that they realize just how content I am with my life while I wait for someone who is not them, they get a little bitter.
Take my neighbors for instance. The two guys who only date girls with cars cuz they do not have cars themselves. *chuckle* I have just come to realize that whenever I start cooking in my place they start slamming in and out of their front door.
At first I didn’t know what to make of why they suddenly would start slamming their front door. Then I realized something. One day they cooked something…and burnt it to cinders by the smell of it. *smirk* Evidently, the girls can’t cook either. I blame teen pregnancy. I didn’t learn to cook until I was a teen myself. If you’re having babies as a teen you don’t have time to learn to cook well thus what do you have to teach your daughters? JMHO
As long as I am not cooking they seem to be able to come and go without me knowing the difference. But the minute I fire up the stove, which I do most Sundays and some weeknights, the doors start slamming.
And fellas? It tastes as good as it smells. *sniffing my greens cooking & smiling*
One of them, the one that smokes like a chimney, has tried to strike up convos a couple times. I very politely respond and keep it moving. Naw, son, you stay over there with them chickenheads that don’t bathe themselves. *chuckle* Plus, they are a bit suspect. As in I suspect they gay. I’ve overheard them singing love songs to each other when their girls ain’t around. Last month they were singing Luther. *confused face* Then their girls come over and its all hard core rap. *real confused face* If I ever hear disco then I’ll be finished suspecting.
Then there is the other neighbor, different house. The one walking the one and only chick I’ve ever seen him with to the bus stop. *LMBO* Oh. My. Word. Yeah, he has tried and failed a few times. And it has nothing to do with his height, though I am sure that’s what he believes. I have dated guys shorter than me and that’s saying something at 5’5”. So when I say I’ve been through most of the types I mean what I say. You have to be extraordinary in order to get an extraordinary. Aesthetics is only 20% of the equation for me if that much.
Anyway Mr. Bus Stop has all but stopped speaking to me all together. *chuckle & shrug* Sorry, hon, but I’ve never been sent home via a bus after a date and don’t intend to start now. You ain’t got cab fare after I give you the best that I got (sexual and nonsexual) then you ain’t got me. Evidently, your chick felt the same way. *smh*
I had the same problem at my last apartment. It was a duplex. Landlord lived downstairs and I lived upstairs. Landlord was married, but his wife didn’t cook much. Laws! The day I came home and they were airing out the house cuz they had burnt something to cinders was pretty funny.
I had two guys living next door. Both tried. Both had major issues. One was in debt up to his eyeballs but was working through it. Ok, dealt with that before. Your pre-relationship with me debt is your debt. No, I am not going to help you pay it down. You got into the mess and the best way to learn from it is for you to get out of it. But becuz he’s broke then I can’t go anywhere or buy anything nice for myself without him catching an attitude. Been there done that. Talk to me when you get free of your debt.
The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. *stank face* Let me say this again. The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. How I found out was that him and the husband were outside fighting over the wife – who was nowhere to be seen – and the husband repeats over and over to stay away from his wife. I seent the chick and she hopped ever so carelessly into and out of his car every time I laid eyes on her. Never would have known she was married from her demeanor. Plus, I don’t share my man. Period.
These are some of the black men who think they are good men…yeah…right…ok…but you are not for me.
So since I wasn’t interested, one of them started stalking me. So crazy. *shakes off the creeps* My landlord and the other one got a little stank with me. Hence, the move.
See a pattern here? Women can get stank with me too about it. As in how dare I be content without a man and they are going through drama. First, there will be drama in any relationship. We ain’t Vulcans. We are humans. Drama comes with human beings, being able to work through drama comes with being an adult. I’m just particular about the drama I’ll deal with. Thing is I don’t particularly care when women get stank about me. *shrug*
I do care when the men get stank. I’m not mean about it. Let’s just be friends, you know? I got plenty of single friends to introduce a guy to. But you know how some men are, if they can’t have you then they have to down you. *eyeroll*
When do I get to hang out with grownups?
I’d rather just be friends and keep it moving. Some guys can take that but some really do get kinda mean spirited about it. I’ll keep trying to improve my technique. Hopefully, I won’t have to keep improving too much longer. That my extraordinary man will show up soon so I can just say I’m taken!
*tips empty water bottle at the monitor*
I think I am the 80/20 rule when it comes to women. In case you don’t know what that is it is just this, I am 80% of what most men say they are looking for in a woman.
I can cook very very well. My specialty is down home southern cooking. Still working on my mac n cheese and biscuit recipes but I’m getting there. I make the greens that make the family show up for every holiday gathering and the pot is always empty at the end of the evening. *chuckle* And I recently discovered that I make a mean pound cake. I thought my sister Cookie was the only one who could hurt your feelings with her deserts but I have found my desert specialty. Oh. My. Word. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and…I have no words for how good it is.
Southern cooking is my specialty but that’s not all I can cook. My spaghetti sauce has received the ultimate compliment: it disappeared at a department function. LOL Everyone kept asking me my secret *lol*. No secret really, it is Ragu with some home doctoring. I learned it from Cookie and I believe her sauce is even better than mine. *LOL* She does hers in a slow cooker. I just cook mine the day before I serve it and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then heat and serve. The seasonings go thru and thru that way.
I can follow most recipes and have it turn out well. I enjoy cooking in and cleaning a quiet house. *chuckle* I find myself meditating while I am cooking and cleaning as long as it’s quiet. I find afterward though my body is tired my mind is so clear.
I like and keep a tidy home. Not spotless but tidy.
I work and bring home a decent salary, thank You very much my Lord God. I have been told I am not supposed to be working at the level I am working at, especially with no degree. *shrug* Try my God. I loves Him and His son Jesus. They really do work miracles.
I don’t smoke. I have no baby daddies. I don’t have miscellaneous exes hanging around. When a relationship is done then it’s done. I stop. Recover from whatever needs to be recovered from. Learn from my mistakes and move on. I wish the man the best while I am at it. No hard feelings here. That’s wasted emotion.
I am well groomed. I may not have top of the line anything but I look good in what I wear. I keep myself neat and tidy.
I enjoy sex and enjoy pleasing a man as long as he reciprocates. There isn’t much in the bedroom that’s taboo. And I keep what happens in my bedroom in my bedroom.
I haven’t turned into a bitter black woman becuz I am single at 42 years of age. *shrug* There are far more good women (of all colors) than there are good black men. A lot of good black men date women of all colors which makes the pool of available good black men even smaller. It is what it is. Besides, I am not just looking for a good black man. I am looking for an extraordinary man. All colors may apply. *smirk*
With all that going for me why am I only 80%? Well becuz I don’t look like Halle Berry, Amber Rose (I wanna be her smarter more talented clone), Janet Jackson, Stacey Dash, Pam Greer (I wanted to be her clone first), Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union, Lela Rashon, or *sigh* Sade. Among others but these women make the top of my list of beautiful black women as the media would have society accept beauty.
However, my purely aesthetic list includes all of the above along with Mo’Nique, Jill Scott, Nina Simone, Tina Turner (RIGHT NOW), Jos Stone, the ladies of the duet that is Flowetry, Queen Latifah, Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, etc. My list could go on and on. But that’s not beauty in the eyes of many men. *shrug* That’s what I mean about that 20%.
The extraordinary man that I am looking for sees past the aesthetics of beauty to what is real. The world’s perception of beauty is easy on the eyes but it can be very hard on the heart, mind and soul. He, like me, has already been there and done that. He’s looking for someone of substance. Just like me.
But I digress.
I am not society’s standard of beauty and I am not going to try to twist myself into it either. End up crazier than a rabid dog. No thank you. If I end up alone…I won’t be bitter about it. I want what I want or I don’t want anything at all. I’ve always been this way.
Best way to explain me is this story. I’ll try to keep it short. *chuckle*
When I was about 8 or 9 years old I went with my mother to buy new blankets for the family. Since I was with her my mother let me pick out my own. I picked out a lovely shade of blue but alas it only came in a king size and my bed was a twin. My mother said she was not going to be constantly washing that blanket becuz it would just drag on the floor. She told me to pick another blanket. I refused. She said fine but you’ll be cold this winter. I knew better than to talk back but I thought to myself no I wouldn’t. Becuz, everyone else was getting new blankets, I would just take their old ones and put them on my bed. I had a nice toasty winter.
I’d rather be content with what I have then settle for less than what I want. I’ve settled with other things in my life and never been satisfied, content or happy with what I got. I won’t settle when it comes to a man. I’ll just make 3 people very unhappy. Me, him, and the woman he could have been with.
But the problem comes into play for me when I am around men on a regular basis. Though women sometimes try to shove me into the lesbian category, men always know I am heterosexual. Women try to shove me into the gay category becuz I don’t keep a man. Not even just to have someone to sex. *shrug* I got a vibrator and batteries. Though it’s not the same, there is no drama factor with the vibrator. I’ve noticed that women who keep exes around for sex have a hard time getting rid of them when they find a new guy. Then they and their new guy end up having a parting of the ways before the relationship can even get off the ground. No thank you. Keep it moving. Maybe we can be friends in 20 years or so. I mean let’s be real here…this guy is an ex for a reason. I forgive but I ain’t forgot why I am not with you anymore.
So after a man gets to know me, if he is single (and sometimes not) and he finds himself attracted to me, he will make that move. Sometimes it is subtle, fellas cut this out cuz I sometimes miss subtle just like you all do. Sometimes it is not subtle at all, fellas I appreciate this cuz it leaves no room for misunderstandings.
A guy makes a move and they get let down easy. I already know before they make that move whether we’ll be good for each other.
How? Simple, I am a charmer. While I am charming you (male or female) I am learning you. What type of person you are and whether you have a place in my life.
I was born and raised in Baltimore and have lived here, except for brief periods, all of my life. I know these men very well. Even the guys transplanted from other areas. Therefore, I’ve seen most types of men. Most not all. As I am charming a guy I know invariably most guys are going to find themselves attracted to me whether they think they do fat chicks or not. It’s just my nature. I’m very cool like that.
The more I charm the more men tell me. By the time a lot guys make that move on me I’ve already decided whether the drama they are bringing is worth it. Most of the time it isn’t. *shrug* It is what it is.
I am 42 years old. I don’t do baby momma drama. Period. I don’t do men still living at home with momma, aunty, sister, cuzin, or granny. If it is his house (need to see mortgage documents) and they are living with him that’s different. That all comes out while I’m charming him, trust me. I don’t smoke and I don’t do smokers. I think a man should be just as comfortable in my home as he is in his own home. If he smokes there after sex then he should be able to smoke with his lady after sex. You cannot smoke in my home. Period.
I don’t do junkies, alcoholics and gamblers who are not in recovery. I don’t have any of those things going on and don’t wanna deal with anyone else’s demons.
I work so my love you have to work too unless you are independently wealthy (Call me!). You must be STD/STI free and must be willing to take a test to prove this at my doctor’s office. Trust isn’t given, babe, it’s earned one step at a time.
So when I am shooting down these guys they don’t like it. Cuz you know fat chicks are supposed to be happy just to have man interested in them. *double eyeroll* Whatever. Not this fat chick. Add to the fact that they realize just how content I am with my life while I wait for someone who is not them, they get a little bitter.
Take my neighbors for instance. The two guys who only date girls with cars cuz they do not have cars themselves. *chuckle* I have just come to realize that whenever I start cooking in my place they start slamming in and out of their front door.
At first I didn’t know what to make of why they suddenly would start slamming their front door. Then I realized something. One day they cooked something…and burnt it to cinders by the smell of it. *smirk* Evidently, the girls can’t cook either. I blame teen pregnancy. I didn’t learn to cook until I was a teen myself. If you’re having babies as a teen you don’t have time to learn to cook well thus what do you have to teach your daughters? JMHO
As long as I am not cooking they seem to be able to come and go without me knowing the difference. But the minute I fire up the stove, which I do most Sundays and some weeknights, the doors start slamming.
And fellas? It tastes as good as it smells. *sniffing my greens cooking & smiling*
One of them, the one that smokes like a chimney, has tried to strike up convos a couple times. I very politely respond and keep it moving. Naw, son, you stay over there with them chickenheads that don’t bathe themselves. *chuckle* Plus, they are a bit suspect. As in I suspect they gay. I’ve overheard them singing love songs to each other when their girls ain’t around. Last month they were singing Luther. *confused face* Then their girls come over and its all hard core rap. *real confused face* If I ever hear disco then I’ll be finished suspecting.
Then there is the other neighbor, different house. The one walking the one and only chick I’ve ever seen him with to the bus stop. *LMBO* Oh. My. Word. Yeah, he has tried and failed a few times. And it has nothing to do with his height, though I am sure that’s what he believes. I have dated guys shorter than me and that’s saying something at 5’5”. So when I say I’ve been through most of the types I mean what I say. You have to be extraordinary in order to get an extraordinary. Aesthetics is only 20% of the equation for me if that much.
Anyway Mr. Bus Stop has all but stopped speaking to me all together. *chuckle & shrug* Sorry, hon, but I’ve never been sent home via a bus after a date and don’t intend to start now. You ain’t got cab fare after I give you the best that I got (sexual and nonsexual) then you ain’t got me. Evidently, your chick felt the same way. *smh*
I had the same problem at my last apartment. It was a duplex. Landlord lived downstairs and I lived upstairs. Landlord was married, but his wife didn’t cook much. Laws! The day I came home and they were airing out the house cuz they had burnt something to cinders was pretty funny.
I had two guys living next door. Both tried. Both had major issues. One was in debt up to his eyeballs but was working through it. Ok, dealt with that before. Your pre-relationship with me debt is your debt. No, I am not going to help you pay it down. You got into the mess and the best way to learn from it is for you to get out of it. But becuz he’s broke then I can’t go anywhere or buy anything nice for myself without him catching an attitude. Been there done that. Talk to me when you get free of your debt.
The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. *stank face* Let me say this again. The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. How I found out was that him and the husband were outside fighting over the wife – who was nowhere to be seen – and the husband repeats over and over to stay away from his wife. I seent the chick and she hopped ever so carelessly into and out of his car every time I laid eyes on her. Never would have known she was married from her demeanor. Plus, I don’t share my man. Period.
These are some of the black men who think they are good men…yeah…right…ok…but you are not for me.
So since I wasn’t interested, one of them started stalking me. So crazy. *shakes off the creeps* My landlord and the other one got a little stank with me. Hence, the move.
See a pattern here? Women can get stank with me too about it. As in how dare I be content without a man and they are going through drama. First, there will be drama in any relationship. We ain’t Vulcans. We are humans. Drama comes with human beings, being able to work through drama comes with being an adult. I’m just particular about the drama I’ll deal with. Thing is I don’t particularly care when women get stank about me. *shrug*
I do care when the men get stank. I’m not mean about it. Let’s just be friends, you know? I got plenty of single friends to introduce a guy to. But you know how some men are, if they can’t have you then they have to down you. *eyeroll*
When do I get to hang out with grownups?
I’d rather just be friends and keep it moving. Some guys can take that but some really do get kinda mean spirited about it. I’ll keep trying to improve my technique. Hopefully, I won’t have to keep improving too much longer. That my extraordinary man will show up soon so I can just say I’m taken!
*tips empty water bottle at the monitor*
Friday, April 9, 2010
Not So Springy Thoughts
So Spring has sprung. It’s been such a strange time in my life. I’m thinking a lot. Dreaming a lot. Wondering a lot. Angry a lot.
First the anger. I am so angry at the waste I am seeing. *smh* There’s too much to list. Most important is the waste of life. Waste of life in wars that rage on and I don’t even know what they are about. Waste of life on this planet. People die in the streets like life is nothing special. A woman shot her niece becuz she didn’t like what she was wearing. A man kills his girlfriend and then himself becuz he had nothing better to do that night. Teens bully another teen to commit suicide…and she does.
It’s such a waste. This planet is absolutely gorgeous for lack of better words. But so few seem to actually enjoy it.
I love cruising. I can sit on deck and just watch the sea go by in wonder. It makes me so happy and peaceful all at the same time. At least once a year I must dip in the sea just to restore my spiritual balance, come hook or crook, I gotta do this.
The ocean isn’t everyone’s joy, I know. But I also know for everyone there is that thing about this planet that makes it absolutely worth trying to be a better person. If only each person would seek it out I think people would live happier lives.
Too many are just caught up in the race for artificial material gains. Riches. Myself included. Though, I believe that I seek these things in order to improve the quality of my life and those around me. But I think that is what most rich greedy bastards started out doing. And look at them now and look at the world that they rule.
*smh*
I’m just trying to figure it out. I know I can’t solve anyone else’s problems but my own but I don’t know how to solve my own problems so I spend my time mulling over my friends’ and family’s problems. Trying to work them out for them and then figure out how to get them to take my advice. I’ve done this to my utter and complete failure and frustration! I really hate when people do the opposite of what is best for them (after asking my advice) and then wanna cry on my shoulder cuz it didn’t work out.
*sigh*
In trying to solve my own problems the answers elude me all together. I sometimes think that once you figure it all out and get your mind and life right you’ll die. That the journey will be over. That maybe that is why it takes so long for some of us to get it together.
*shrug*
I don’t know. What I do know is that this world has so much to offer and it truly saddens me that so few get any joy out of it. It kinda messes with my enjoyment. I know that as I am enjoying my favorite meal at my favorite restaurant that someone in the kitchen isn’t making enough money to make ends meet for their family even though they are working as hard as they can.
I know that while I’m chilling on my job one of my coworkers is experiencing personal loss of family and friends all in the span of mere months of each other.
I know while I am cruising one of the cruise staff is missing the spouse and kids they haven’t seen for 3-6 months.
And always, somewhere in the world someone is being tortured for their beliefs or just becuz there are way too many psychos in the world. There is always someone starving. Starving for food, love, attention, health, life, etc.
These things keep me stuck. I wanna be happy and I find times when I truly enjoy myself…and then…the news comes on or I surf the internet and read about a 7 year girl whose stepsister sells her to some grown azzed men for sex in the U.S.A. WTF is wrong with people?
The anger…I’ve been angry too much lately. Just angry at the sheer waste and futility of it all sometimes.
People are so worried about women having abortions that they totally miss the point that we have children alive and breathing in this world that we haven’t found hearts or homes for. Protest for those children. Get those children safe loving homes and I can almost guarantee that one day abortion won’t be an issue at all.
When I see PETA people on the news they seem so passionate about the animals bred to be clothing, adorn clothing and such that I often wonder how much better the world would be if they actually focused their collective energies on something important like the continued illiteracy in the US or the world. What would happen if the passionate folk of PETA turned their focus to helping the Native American stop their teens from committing suicide at such an alarming rate? What would happen if the folk at PETA worked on trying to save humanity instead of throwing paint on people’s clothing cuz its mink?
People mad cuz people wear minks…as long as a person isn’t wearing something that’s endangered I have nothing to say. How about the folk at PETA go protest the women and children being sold into sexual slavery all over the world? How about the folk at PETA focus on the teen pregnancy situation in the US? How about getting the world to stop using fossil fuels?
There’s so much loneliness in the world. I get online and there are way too many people there. I can only guess that they don’t have enough real life folk to keep them occupied offline like myself.
I tweet and sometimes I just sit and read. There are so many lonely people in my twitter timeline (tt). I’m like folk pull it together. Stop missing people and go find them. I hear excuse after excuse about why people can’t go get that person they desire. Even from the guys! It amazes me.
One thing my little e-romance taught me with My Obsession is to just grab people. No No No! Don’t kidnap no damn body!!!!! I did not tell you that ish so you can’t use that as a defense.
But if you feeling someone, open up your mouth and tell them! Just tell them! You don’t have to say you are in love cuz really you don’t know that online. Everyone isn’t being honest about themselves so until you meet them you never know. But just tell them you feeling them and let’s see if we can do this thing offline.
Why does that seem to be so hard? Has electronics truly crippled us emotionally to the point we will not even take a chance on finding a mate?
What about me?
*shrug*
I’m not lonely. I am looking for someone extraordinary. I believe My Obsession would have been fun for a bit but that is all. We really didn’t have that much in common and he could be a bit too opinionated. Truth: I think he is becoming a cantankerous old man. He seems very set in his ways. I’m still exploring and he…he just seems real bitter and sad about some past ish that he is still holding onto. He isn’t but 6 years older than me. That scares me a bit. I don’t wanna be a bitter old black woman. Ever.
I read an article on BA that the social problems in Japan have gotten to the point that there are men who stay in their rooms online and don’t come out for days. Meanwhile, I read somewhere that they’ve designed a pillow for women that has arms to hold you while you sleep. WTH?
I prefer the man. The day I settle for that pillow the morning after you will find me dead of a drug overdose.
Take a chance, folk. Take a chance. When I find my extraordinary I will take that chance.
I’m dreaming a lot lately, too. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not considering whom I’m dreaming about. *chuckle* Mostly my mother and a few of the folk in my tt. Nothing freaky or anything but I guess it’s a warning that I am spending too much time online. *eyeroll* I’ll try to cut back.
I once tweeted: Twitter is the devil. Someone tweeted back: …And Face Book is its bytch. LOL I have so far resisted getting a FB account. I will do so as long as I can lol.
I wanna end this on a high happy note but I don’t know that I can. Life…is…something else…I believe in God. I’m hoping I make it to Heaven. If I do, I wanna get in that line to have a very short chat with either Him, Jesus or one of the really smart folk that hang with Them to explain it to me. Cuz I don’t believe I’ll figure it all out this go around. We just don’t have enough free time to figure it all out.
Living takes up so much of your time that you have very little time to figure it ALL out. I’m just gonna need some loose ends tied up when mine is over. Please and thanks.
*tips water bottle at monitor*
First the anger. I am so angry at the waste I am seeing. *smh* There’s too much to list. Most important is the waste of life. Waste of life in wars that rage on and I don’t even know what they are about. Waste of life on this planet. People die in the streets like life is nothing special. A woman shot her niece becuz she didn’t like what she was wearing. A man kills his girlfriend and then himself becuz he had nothing better to do that night. Teens bully another teen to commit suicide…and she does.
It’s such a waste. This planet is absolutely gorgeous for lack of better words. But so few seem to actually enjoy it.
I love cruising. I can sit on deck and just watch the sea go by in wonder. It makes me so happy and peaceful all at the same time. At least once a year I must dip in the sea just to restore my spiritual balance, come hook or crook, I gotta do this.
The ocean isn’t everyone’s joy, I know. But I also know for everyone there is that thing about this planet that makes it absolutely worth trying to be a better person. If only each person would seek it out I think people would live happier lives.
Too many are just caught up in the race for artificial material gains. Riches. Myself included. Though, I believe that I seek these things in order to improve the quality of my life and those around me. But I think that is what most rich greedy bastards started out doing. And look at them now and look at the world that they rule.
*smh*
I’m just trying to figure it out. I know I can’t solve anyone else’s problems but my own but I don’t know how to solve my own problems so I spend my time mulling over my friends’ and family’s problems. Trying to work them out for them and then figure out how to get them to take my advice. I’ve done this to my utter and complete failure and frustration! I really hate when people do the opposite of what is best for them (after asking my advice) and then wanna cry on my shoulder cuz it didn’t work out.
*sigh*
In trying to solve my own problems the answers elude me all together. I sometimes think that once you figure it all out and get your mind and life right you’ll die. That the journey will be over. That maybe that is why it takes so long for some of us to get it together.
*shrug*
I don’t know. What I do know is that this world has so much to offer and it truly saddens me that so few get any joy out of it. It kinda messes with my enjoyment. I know that as I am enjoying my favorite meal at my favorite restaurant that someone in the kitchen isn’t making enough money to make ends meet for their family even though they are working as hard as they can.
I know that while I’m chilling on my job one of my coworkers is experiencing personal loss of family and friends all in the span of mere months of each other.
I know while I am cruising one of the cruise staff is missing the spouse and kids they haven’t seen for 3-6 months.
And always, somewhere in the world someone is being tortured for their beliefs or just becuz there are way too many psychos in the world. There is always someone starving. Starving for food, love, attention, health, life, etc.
These things keep me stuck. I wanna be happy and I find times when I truly enjoy myself…and then…the news comes on or I surf the internet and read about a 7 year girl whose stepsister sells her to some grown azzed men for sex in the U.S.A. WTF is wrong with people?
The anger…I’ve been angry too much lately. Just angry at the sheer waste and futility of it all sometimes.
People are so worried about women having abortions that they totally miss the point that we have children alive and breathing in this world that we haven’t found hearts or homes for. Protest for those children. Get those children safe loving homes and I can almost guarantee that one day abortion won’t be an issue at all.
When I see PETA people on the news they seem so passionate about the animals bred to be clothing, adorn clothing and such that I often wonder how much better the world would be if they actually focused their collective energies on something important like the continued illiteracy in the US or the world. What would happen if the passionate folk of PETA turned their focus to helping the Native American stop their teens from committing suicide at such an alarming rate? What would happen if the folk at PETA worked on trying to save humanity instead of throwing paint on people’s clothing cuz its mink?
People mad cuz people wear minks…as long as a person isn’t wearing something that’s endangered I have nothing to say. How about the folk at PETA go protest the women and children being sold into sexual slavery all over the world? How about the folk at PETA focus on the teen pregnancy situation in the US? How about getting the world to stop using fossil fuels?
There’s so much loneliness in the world. I get online and there are way too many people there. I can only guess that they don’t have enough real life folk to keep them occupied offline like myself.
I tweet and sometimes I just sit and read. There are so many lonely people in my twitter timeline (tt). I’m like folk pull it together. Stop missing people and go find them. I hear excuse after excuse about why people can’t go get that person they desire. Even from the guys! It amazes me.
One thing my little e-romance taught me with My Obsession is to just grab people. No No No! Don’t kidnap no damn body!!!!! I did not tell you that ish so you can’t use that as a defense.
But if you feeling someone, open up your mouth and tell them! Just tell them! You don’t have to say you are in love cuz really you don’t know that online. Everyone isn’t being honest about themselves so until you meet them you never know. But just tell them you feeling them and let’s see if we can do this thing offline.
Why does that seem to be so hard? Has electronics truly crippled us emotionally to the point we will not even take a chance on finding a mate?
What about me?
*shrug*
I’m not lonely. I am looking for someone extraordinary. I believe My Obsession would have been fun for a bit but that is all. We really didn’t have that much in common and he could be a bit too opinionated. Truth: I think he is becoming a cantankerous old man. He seems very set in his ways. I’m still exploring and he…he just seems real bitter and sad about some past ish that he is still holding onto. He isn’t but 6 years older than me. That scares me a bit. I don’t wanna be a bitter old black woman. Ever.
I read an article on BA that the social problems in Japan have gotten to the point that there are men who stay in their rooms online and don’t come out for days. Meanwhile, I read somewhere that they’ve designed a pillow for women that has arms to hold you while you sleep. WTH?
I prefer the man. The day I settle for that pillow the morning after you will find me dead of a drug overdose.
Take a chance, folk. Take a chance. When I find my extraordinary I will take that chance.
I’m dreaming a lot lately, too. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not considering whom I’m dreaming about. *chuckle* Mostly my mother and a few of the folk in my tt. Nothing freaky or anything but I guess it’s a warning that I am spending too much time online. *eyeroll* I’ll try to cut back.
I once tweeted: Twitter is the devil. Someone tweeted back: …And Face Book is its bytch. LOL I have so far resisted getting a FB account. I will do so as long as I can lol.
I wanna end this on a high happy note but I don’t know that I can. Life…is…something else…I believe in God. I’m hoping I make it to Heaven. If I do, I wanna get in that line to have a very short chat with either Him, Jesus or one of the really smart folk that hang with Them to explain it to me. Cuz I don’t believe I’ll figure it all out this go around. We just don’t have enough free time to figure it all out.
Living takes up so much of your time that you have very little time to figure it ALL out. I’m just gonna need some loose ends tied up when mine is over. Please and thanks.
*tips water bottle at monitor*
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