Angry rant in 5...4...3...2...1...

I am not going to make a last ditch effort to have a kid.


Ok, I am going to vent this and be done with it. It seems every woman (and surprisingly a few men) thinks it is their job to encourage me to have a baby before it is too late cuz “42 isn’t too late.”

Every last one of y’all can kiss my azz. Period.

I know it is possible that you mean well. I can see that for a few of you. True, there is nothing like holding a newborn in your arms and that newborn scent *smile* and I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it must be to know that little bundle of warmth and love is all yours. It must be a beautiful feeling. It is one I shall never know. But don’t cry for me cuz…*shrug* I’m ok with it.

However, I believe most of you are miserable and want to share the misery with me. My happy, well rested azz just irks your soul! Not my fault your 12 year old still has night terrors and you are too fukking stupid to take them to a MD and/or a therapist to see if y’all can figure out what the problem is.

Hey I got problems, too. My problems just don’t include whether or not my child will be a teen parent. If I had a child now I’d be in my 50s by the time they reached adolescence and uh uh…that is not a good look. I would be 60 by the time they graduated high school and would need to wheel down the aisle in my Hoveraround at their college/trade school graduation. If they chose to go to grad school or medical school FML I may not live to see them graduate at all.

Fuk you all very much but no thank you!

Look, I watched my mother struggle to raise 4 children pretty much on her own. My father was a drive by daddy. He came by from time to time. I don’t remember him being at a single important function in my life. Well, there were a few exceptions like when I had the chicken pox he stayed with me while my mother went to work. I remember him taking me with him when he took my mother out one mother’s day or her birthday. One of those. And of course we got a couple pictures of him one father’s day. That’s about it. He died when I was 13 so that ended the memories.

Even then it didn’t really sink in that I did not want to be a single mother until my senior year in high school. My mother gave me a choice, I could go to senior prom or I could go on the class trip to France. She couldn’t afford to pay for both. I chose the senior prom of course cuz that’s where all my friends would be and I don’t regret that choice. But I made a solemn promise to my unborn kids that I’d find a husband and father for them or I wouldn’t have them. I promised them that they would not have to choose. They’d have the prom and the trip to France if they so chose.

I found more than a few sperm donors but no suitable husband for myself so…it just wasn’t meant to be.

And now, watching how some people raise their kids I am glad I didn’t have kids. A lot of these parents are fukking retarded raising up a retarded generation right after them.

What the fuk is wrong with you having a kid in school that has Aspberger’s syndrome but don’t want your kid treated differently so you don’t tell anyone? Kids with Aspberger’s syndrome can be violent and often there is something that will set them off. You fukking retarded azzhole! You know what your child’s trigger is, and the shyt is so simple you ought to already know what I’m getting ready to type, but becuz you don’t want your child treated different you keep all this information to yourself. You selfish bastids!

And of course someone sets your little retarded azz darling off and they assault children and teacher and your stupid azz sitting there like you did nothing wrong. People of the world, know that if my kid had come home with a knot on his or her head becuz they just happened to have the misfortune to be in the classroom when your retarded azz seed lost their mind and started throwing books, chairs, desks etc then you AND your retarded azz seed would have knots upon your head...one day when you least expect it. That’s after I filed charges against you. Then sued your azz until you are so broke you have to go on Welfare and get fukking Section 8 housing. Then one day years down the line when this shyt is all settled and forgotten in your mind me and my kid would whop you and your kid’s azz.

Fuktards! I hate them!

Your kid isn’t any better than anyone else’s just because it has a developmental problem. But our fukking retarded azz president george w. bush (yeah I did that on purpose) said that no child shall be left behind. We wasn’t leaving your fukking retarded azz child behind they were where they could be cared for and protected. Now everyone’s child has to suffer becuz some people don’t deserve the privilege of procreation becuz they fukking do not understand the responsibilities that go along with it.

Yes, the above happened in real life. Not to me or mine but to someone else’s child. People need to thank God everyday that I have no kids.

I have watched and am watching my friends and coworkers struggle to raise kids on their own. All but one keeps telling me it is worth it. Oh really? I think that’s what people tell themselves when they have no other choice.

I see babies’ daddies just totally disrespecting the same women they were all hugged up on until he got her pregnant. And this won’t be an immediate change mind you but gradual. By month 7-8 they are done and moving on. You are just an evil bytch and they don’t know what they ever saw in your azz. That’s your baby, bytch. Bye.

I can say a lot about TPL but I can’t call him a deadbeat dad. Even when his ex-wife (see the difference in baby momma) decided she didn’t want him to see his kids for 3 months cuz she had remarried and she wanted them to spend the summer bonding with their new stepdaddy. They still hate their stepfather but that’s another story. *chuckle*

But he got pissed with and actually cut off a buddy of his cuz the friend didn’t want to pay a measly $35/ week in child support. Now before you judge, TPL’s friend was being paid under the table so the courts didn’t even judge his support correctly and to top it off the guy owned rental properties. Yes, residual income. And he didn’t want to pay $35/week in child support. TPL cussed him out and told him to take a hike cuz the shyt wasn’t cool. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the mother, child support is for the child. He has repeated that many times. He is really adamant about it.

That’s one story in a hundred that I could tell about deadbeat dads.

Kids are expensive. I think that is self explanatory. I don’t need to explain further.

It’s illegal to discipline them in any way, shape or form. And all the fuktard parents out there who actually believe that you can raise EVERY child without spanking them y’all get on my nerves. Y’all children usually the ones that need an azz whipping.

No. You. Can’t. Raise. Every. Child. Without. Spanking.

Even Dr. Spock had to recant that shyt. His studies, as are most studies, are conducted on middle to upper middle class kids. Well fed, clothed and housed children. Kids who aren’t crack babies, have fetal alcohol syndrome, lead paint poisoning (yes in 2010), malnourished, etc.

This boolshyt study comes out and everyone wants to jump on board…in 20 years most of you people who follow behind this mess will be sleeping behind a door with a deadbolt lock becuz you are scared of your kids.

Just. Like. My. Sister. Sissy.

Think on that shyt while you are timing out your kid and they looking at you like fuk you and time out, bytch, I’m out this corner. And your fukking retarded azz is laughing cuz you think it is cute how they walk and talk like a grown azz street person at 2 years of age.

Sissy thought she could raise her kids differently. She stated time and again as her kids got in trouble time and again that she wasn’t raising her kids like our mother raised us. Let’s see all 4 of us are grown and for the most part standing on our own feet…except her of course. She has been defiant my whole life and it still profits her nothing.

Let’s see. She has 6 children. Three baby daddies. Son #1 has 13 children living, not married to a soul, just recently got a job, he’s 35, he thinks this shyt is cute. Son #2 is in jail and I ain’t seen him since I was 19 don’t think he’ll be out till I’m in my 50s. Yes, his crime was that deep AND made the fukking news. Son #3 is in jail and I ain’t seen him in about 5 or more years. But when he is out of jail he is a crackhead. His last crime made the news but it was under stupid criminals and I’m ashamed to say what he did. Fourth child, GFN. Beautiful girl found a good man to marry her. After 2.5 years of marriage she decided she’d rather run the streets then stay home and be a wife and mother. This bytch is 31 years old with 2 kids. Son #4 has been in community college for the last 6 years and no he’s not done yet according to him. Son #5 is now in trade school but the verdict isn’t in on him yet.

Yeah, she didn’t raise her kids like our mother raised us and look how fukking wonderful they turned out. No church, no discipline, and miscellaneous ninjas running through their lives. Yeah…y’all keep listening to these studies without knowing who the study subjects were and what controls they used.

The kids getting beat might have come out of a home life where violence is the norm anyway. Beat them or not (like my nephews) they still grew up violent. If you sitting up watching Face Off or whatever really violent crazy movie is out now with your 6 year old…you are gonna have problems. If your kids talk back to you and you laugh…you are gonna have problems. If your kids call you by your first name…you got problems.

Oh…and sometimes these scientists lie. Found that out by working with a these fukkers. I was sitting there one day while some scientists that I use to work for were discussing an experiment that had been published in a very well known journal. Most people would know this journal if I mentioned it here but I won’t. Anyway, they were all discussing how neither they nor any of the scientists they knew in their field could duplicate the results of this published study. I ain’t just talking in that particular lab or company or even the USA. They had been in touch with scientists in other countries also working in this field and no one could duplicate the results. And the scientist in question wasn’t entertaining questions from his colleagues.

Yeah…y’all keep believing these scientists hook, line, and sinker. They are just as human as the rest of us. Therefore, just as prone to lying.

Then I would be trying to raise mine the right way with your little igglets. No. Fukking. Thank. You. Having to fight every day for their minds, bodies and souls. Cuz they wanna follow behind your kids and have cell phones at 6, wearing Gucci & Prada at 7, cussing me out at 8, having sex at 12, having babies at 13 that I’d be responsible for, telling me when they coming and going at 14, having another baby at 15, dropping out of school at 16, fighting me 16-18. Refusing to leave at 18 when it is legal to put their azzes out cuz where they and the 3 babies gonna go. Then in and out of your life and wrecking your home, credit, and bank accounts. Fuk that. Fuk you. Fuk a study.

And don’t even get me started on pedophiles. Trust and know that as the aunty and godmother of several children I believe it is my duty to put their azzes down like the rabid animals they are. We have a case in Bmore now where a man has raped a 21 month old child. Yeah, if that was my blood he’d be a chalk outline. No doubt and I would be sitting there waiting on the cops. I ain’t hide shyt. If someone had done that to the person that molested them we wouldn’t have all the molesters we have now.

Do you get it? I don’t want a baby at this point and time in my life.

And fuk no, I don’t want to adopt a kid either. Got a coworker who keeps trying to get me to do that as she has done…difference here is she has a…*gasp*…husband! And his azz actually helps in all aspects of child rearing (according to her).

I don’t want to foster a kid either.

I like the fact that when I put something down it stays where I left it. If it is not there then guess what? My old azz just forgot where I put and it will turn up. And it does…and it is not sticky or dirty or broken or lodged anywhere that requires a trip to the ER!

There are a lot of pluses to having kids but in this day and age it is just too fukking hard. There are too many fukking retards with degrees trying to tell me how to raise my kid and most of them are wrong. People don’t blindly trust anyone who can’t work a fukking fax machine with anything as important as the rearing of your child. Most of the MDs, PhDs, BSs, MASs, etc that I have known couldn’t work the freaking fax machine and it had been sitting there longer than me. *smh*

And finally, I’m not Halle Berry, or J Lo or Brad & Angelina. I don’t have access to the wealth that these people do. I don’t have the ends to make sure my kid goes to private schools, violin lessons, ballet classes, martial arts classes, etc. There is no Palates, spa days, million dollar vacations etc for me to get away, lipo suction, boob lifts, etc. I don’t have mansions or servants or au pares. I believe you need all of these things and more to have a baby after 40.

I saw a woman at the grocery store Saturday that pretty much looked like what I would look like with a kid at this point in my life. She has my sincere sympathies:

This woman looked like she was coming up on 50 if not past it. She was dressed in a shapeless washed out denim skirt, the kind I wear to take out the trash after I’m done cleaning. She had on an equally shapeless red sweat shirt. She was a large woman. Her hair looked dry and was all over her head, basically what mine looks like after great sex or I’ve been out drinking. I would never go out in public thusly. Though I have the same outfit my hair is always secured in a bun while cleaning to keep it out of my eyes. So, I look better taking out the trash than this poor woman looked at the supermarket. *smh*

She had with her a boy of about 4 or 5 years of age. I ran into her as I was turning down the aisle she was in. She was at the helm of her shopping cart in the middle of the passage. You could not get past her. Her child, for he could be no other, was standing in front of her cart blocking everyone’s way on a Saturday afternoon talking the nonsense that children talk. It had no bearing on what was going on that day or why he was holding up her and about 4 other shoppers, myself among them. She finally looked over the gathering crowd and then down at her boy and asked “Ok. But what direction do you want to go in?” To which he responded pointing to the left “This way!”

We all moved back and let them pass. I shook my head realizing as they passed that in 4 or 5 years that could be me if I listened to these people who keep telling me that 42 isn’t too late for me to have a baby.

Fukking liars! It is too late! But I know that these liars are not going to let it go. I suspect some of them realize they are getting on my nerves that is why they keep bringing it up. Or maybe they are trying to make sure I don’t miss out on one of life’s most amazing events, the creating of a life, watching it grow and mature and become someone wonderful.

But they might not turn out to be wonderful. Hitler, Manson, Jim Jones, Son of Sam, The Hillside Stranglers, BTK, Columbine Killers, etc were all someone’s little warm bundle of joy once and look how they turned out.

*shrug* Oh well.

It doesn’t really matter becuz I now have the perfect response to all those fukking liars out there who keep telling me that it is not too late for me to have a baby. A quick bland smile. Then a blank stare. *smirk* It works every time. You can’t argue with silence. You can try but eventually they give up when they see they aren’t making you mad and they aren’t changing your mind.

*inhale, exhale* There. I’ve vented and I’m done. My quiet has returned.