It's the holiday season...

Happy Holidays!

Welp!  It has been an awesome year!  A lot of great things happening with my stories and I am so encouraged and happy about them.  The direction my life is going in is ever positive and I am just too tickled about it.

The more I focus on the positive and wonderful things in my life truly the better it gets.  I took some time away from my main facebook account.  One of the ladies in our facebook group passed away in October.  It was just really sad signing in knowing she would never be there again.  I took a break to mourn her passing.  While I was gone I threw myself into my writing and am really pleased with the results of all that grieving energy.  I bet she would be too.

So, there I was a couple weeks ago tooling along when one of the ladies from our group asked when I was coming back.  I was thinking about sometime early in the new year but I was told I was missed.  So on my birthday I was taking a break from writing anyway so I went back.  The pain is less but I still miss Ro.

I've been back on my old profile less than two weeks and I don’t see that I've been missed.  And I see I haven’t missed much.  People seem to be doing more complaining and seem to be more unhappy now than when I took my break.  Last thing they need is my positivity.

I know, shouldn't my positivity be a good thing for people to be around?  Not when they ain’t feeling it too.  I know about ten, geez it is hard to believe it was that long ago, years ago I was going through a really rough patch emotionally.  I didn't want to hear about anyone else’s good news or be encouraged back then.

Everyone is on a journey called life.  We all have our paths to walk and lessons to learn.  I've learned the lessons of the younger women in our group already.  And they get snippy if you try to offer some advice. *shrug*  So I think I will spend more time on my author’s page like I’ve been doing and stay out of their hair.

It is really strange to me because not only is my women’s group full of people griping but the writing group too!  Everybody’s venting in one group or another.  I had to turn off the notifications on the writing group.  The woman who started the group has been going through her own personal struggles this year and left a couple other ladies to run it in her absence.

I think what I’ve learned is that if I ever start a group like that, I’ll make sure I can maintain it.  When I can’t, I’ll just shut it down because it really isn’t about writing or books anymore.  People just go in there to vent.  She’s trying to get it back on track.  It is going to take time because she’s been gone most of this year.

My cooking group is still on point though. lol

So I think I’ll stay in my little corner of facebook.  My author’s account doesn’t have anything on it but puppies, kittens, beautiful men and women, scenery, and beautifully decorated rooms.  All stuff I use for inspiration to write.

Keeps me out of trouble and keeps people from snapping at me because they’re unhappy.

Have a safe and happy holiday!

On the death of Trayvon Martin

I’m going to say this and leave it here and move on with my life.  Right now I am on a media blackout.  Everyone is sitting around on fb, twitter, etc lamenting the fact that George Zimmerman got away with murder.  They are right to a point and we let him.  Let me explain how I see it.

The travesty that is the Trayvon Martin case is that black men did not do what they were supposed to do.  Specifically, the black men of my generation.  When the baton was passed to them to continue the struggle they dropped it.  You see, instead of getting married, building strong families, and continuing to build on the political power base that was started in the 60s and 70s, they decided to sow their wild oats.  Some of them are still sowing them well into their 40s, 50s, and so on.  All while blaming black women for the failure of the black family.

I’m not going to get into a finger pointing match of who was supposed to do what.  Black folks have been doing that for a couple decades now and nothing is changing for the better.

One of the men on BA posted an article about the genocide that is going on in Chicago. *shrug* We have the same genocide going on in Baltimore, and other metropolitan cities where economically and socially challenged blacks live. When you have babies instead of building families genocide from within is the result.  And they want us to feel sorry for them. I can’t.  I lived in those same neighborhoods and I fought and clawed my way out.  It is easy to sit back and do nothing.  It is harder to get up and do something besides talk about change.

They, black men, say they want media coverage of what is going on in the black community. Gee whiz, when Tyler Perry does a play about the things that are going on in the black community it is all lies, etc, etc.  His plays put a lot of blame for our problems at black men’s feet.  He doesn’t let black women off scot free either. But see, when you want to be the leader then you actually have to LEAD and not be led.  They want caucasians to lead them to their place as “kings”. *eye rolls* Where in the history of this world is it written that any king was handed his power and kingdom by another mortal king?  Seriously, where? More importantly, why would caucasians do such a thing?  In their eyes it profits them to keep the status quo just as it is.  It doesn’t but that is a post for another day.

What I have learned from studying caucasian history is that the reason they win is because they are tenacious!  They do not stop until their objective is obtained.  Then they find a new objective and keep pushing. Success is not a destination. It is a journey. It is a journey they are in for the long haul.

Hispanics in this country follow in that same vein.  They build families. They build communities. They have built their political power base. I offer the following example: in my great state of Maryland illegal aliens can now get a driver’s license and free healthcare. *blink blink* They pay not one income tax anywhere but they can drive the same roads that US citizens, born and naturalized, pay taxes for the upkeep on. And they can do so legally. They can get free health care and have not paid one dime into social security.  That is what having a community to back you does. You build a community by building families. Parents care about their children and the community they grow up in. They vote. They call their congressmen and senators when there is a community concern.  Baby daddies and baby mommas just sit around talking about how bad things are and when are white folks gonna fix it.

I’m not gonna lament.  I’m going to work for the change I want to see. I’m going to funnel all my emotional energy into what I’m doing for change. I don’t expect the world to change overnight. Only a fool would expect that. Sweety, Columbus sailed the ocean blue sometime around 1492. It took over five hundred years to see a black president of these here united states but we got one. Perseverance, tenacity, hope, imagination, and so much more. And of course, not to forget God. Me and Him got a relationship that is quite different from most. It doesn’t require me judging another soul. Just my own progress in life.

Instead of the folks in Florida lamenting and being angry I offer this, there were at least fifty-eleven (yes that’s a term these days) things that George Zimmerman did wrong that they could be lobbying to make illegal now. Starting from when the 911 operator told him not to engage the young man and that the police were on their way. If you’re angry, sad, mad, depressed, etc then get off your butt and start lobbying for change. Start lobbying for a new law. Contribute that dollar you were saving till the end of the month to Trayvon Martin’s parents’ defense fund for a civil suit. Every action counts.

If you don’t like the war young black men are waging on each other in your city then I suggest you stop complaining about it and be about it. Be a mentor or be a victim. Because I assure you, Shaquan and ‘nem are coming for you one day if you don’t. Get back to teaching young black men to be men and leaders instead of baby daddies. Forget the finger pointing of who did what to who when. It doesn’t help. Each day new children are born and they need guidance to be better than the streets where they were born.

If you don’t like what is going on in your world then shut up, get up, and do something about it. I ain’t saying you got to change the whole world with your one idea, dollar, action, phone call, letter, etc. But if each person did what they were able to do to work towards a positive change think of what we could accomplish. I think of it this way: the United States of America started with a couple ships and look at her now.

*shrugs* Be the change or be the problem. I’m working on my way of being the change. No tears here. No cussing or fussing either. That is wasted energy that takes away from my work on the solution.

As for George Zimmerman?  He will spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder. Thanks to the news media, we know what he looks like fat and skinny. I predict one day we’ll hear that he is dead. Whether by his own hand or someone else’s I can neither say nor really care. He sealed his fate when he shot down another human being for no discernible reason.  I leave him in the hands of the God I serve. He’s merciful but He is vengeful, too.

My condolences go to Trayvon Martin’s family. May they find a way to heal despite this travesty.  I hope they seek a civil trial. I hope we all stand behind them and send them a million dollars or more for the legal dream team they need to win.

I hope that black folks wake up, stop blaming, and get moving.

*heads off to lunch*

Why are they trying me?

*pissed face*

I have been doing so well.  I really have.  I’ve been positive and upbeat.  Things have been going so well for me lately that I have just been feeling so blessed.  The stress has just been missing me left and right.  Today *pauses and looks Heavenward* the devil pulled out all the stops.  He won this round but the war ain’t over.

So I cannot remember whether or not I blogged about my last time eating something one of my coworkers cooked.  It was a few years ago and I did not have a good weekend because of it.  They didn’t kill me then but I swear they keep trying. *nervous chuckle* At least that is what my friends tell me every time I mention that they are having another potluck.

I have taken vacation days to avoid the potlucks.  I have scheduled doctor’s appointments and meetings.  Heck I’ve said I had a meeting and just went and hid out in an empty conference room.

I think I’ve done well in avoiding their cooking.  That is until today.  This time they did a sneak attack.

We celebrate birthdays on the job.  Whoever had the last birthday gets the birthday goodies for the next person.  We have people who like cake or pie or cupcakes, etc.  Whatever the birthday guy or girl would prefer.  Just about everyone bought their offerings at a store or bakery.

But. Not. Today.

Today the coworker hosting the birthday recipient decided she would cook lunch for our team.  They announced it first thing this morning via email telling everyone not to each lunch.  This woman is a very nice woman.  HOW FUGGING EVER!  She has had a cough for YEARS that her doctor can neither diagnose nor cure.  Why the fugg does she think I want her cooking for me?

So I took my medicine about 5 minutes before going into this impromptu luncheon.  I politely explain that the meds I take prevent me from eating for almost an hour.  Everyone nodded and said that’s a shame.  Everyone but CCW2.  This bish gonna ask me what medicine I take.  This bish ain’t a doctor!  And it wasn’t her business.  She was trying to bust on someone!  I told her I couldn’t remember and would have to check the bottle.  Why the fugg do people think it is their business to show people up?  I did the nice polite thing.  What I could have done was the following:

Bish, I ain’t eating from not nan one of y’all.  I have seen two of y’all bishes come out of the bathroom without washing your hands.  One of you trifling bishes had the nerve to stand beside me and PRETEND to wash your hands.  The only reason I caught it was that someone spoke to me as they entered the bathroom.  When I looked up from washing my hands to see who spoke that’s when I caught your nasty azz wiggling your dry azz fingers at the water.  Standing there with this little smirk on your face too!  Then your nasty azz turns off the water with your nasty hands and grabs a paper towel.  The dry towel barely makes it into the trash.  Dry paper don’t fly people.  You just wadded up good before you tossed it.  Then grabbed the handle and walked out the bathroom.  Who would have thought that someone who acts so prissy could be so nasty.  I was in shock when I saw it.

*turn to another coworker*  Then there is your azz!  I saw you run your hands through the water once to the left and then once to the right and turned off the water.  No.  Soap.  Was.  Used.

*look around the room hoping someone will look guilty* Then there is the chick I am trying to catch who uses the bathroom and then exits the bathroom without washing her hands.  I don’t know if it is one or a few of y’all.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than one.  One day someone was in there having the wettest, nastiest sounding BM.  Bish walked out of the bathroom without washing her hands.  OH!  How I wish I could have gotten out of my stall a half a second quicker.  Nasty bish!

*turn and point at another coworker*  Then there is this bish here who scratches her crotch constantly.  CCW2 you keep on eating the food she brings in.  CCW2 your azz stays sick.  Makes you wonder.  Oh and CCW2 you are another one that can’t cook for me the way you stay sick.

That’s just y’all women.

I can’t speak for what goes on in the men’s room but dude in the scarf your hygiene is questionable and you’ve been sick for at least six months.  All last summer you walked around the office with a wool scarf wrapped around your neck.  Our AC ain’t that chilly.  Believe that!  All through the fall and winter you’ve been sniffling.  I thought it was drugs but hey who knows?

Side note: Mr. Wool Scarf cooked this fish dish that everyone insisted I had to try.  So said I had to go to a “meeting”.  *pursed lipped eye roll*  I ain’t got time for tape worms.

CCW2 you got one more time to organize one more gatdamn potluck!  Stop asking these nasty azz people to cook!  Stop cooking and bringing me ish!  ALL THAT SHYT GOES IN THE TRASH WHEN Y’ALL AIN’T LOOKING!!!!!

Not to mention that we are in the middle of cold and flu season.  AGAIN, why the fugg are you trying to organize another potluck that I am not participating in?

Yeah.  That’s what I could have said.  But I didn’t.  I just kept it nice and polite.  She need a fugging hobby, dack or something to keep her mind occupied.  I don’t trust this bish not to be planning to knock off the whole office.

I don’t know what to expect from a bish that patronizes places her daughter wouldn’t be allowed into.  Oh.  CCW2’s daughter is half black.  She remarked about a place she hangs out at that doesn’t allow blacks in 2013.  Her daughter can’t go there unless she is accompanied by her.  *crickets*  Yeah.  But she loves fugging black men.  But she goes places where a black man wouldn’t be allowed.  When someone figures that shyt out put it in a research paper and maybe I’ll read it.  I don’t want shyt from this bish who says she’s a Christian.  Some of these “Christians” gonna have a whole lot of explaining to do.  I hope they got recliners and popcorn in Heaven because I’m gonna be sitting back watching the back peddlers enjoying the show and watching the Lord make them sweat.

I am praying and meditating.  I’m trying to decide if it is time to kick it into bish mode cuz they are trying my patience with this cooking ish!  I should have done what CCW1 did and ate lunch early and showed up at the end.

*stank face while I contemplate what I'm supposed to learn from this*

Putting my question out to the universe

So my new favorite thing is to look at houses on the internet. Interiors and such. Love seeing the different ideas, color schemes, designs, you name it, that people use. What I find really puzzling is that A LOT of the homes I look at have these huge windows in the bathroom. It perplexes me. I know you can put up window treatments, which most of these pics don't portray. I just wondered why would you want such huge windows in your bathroom considering what you do there?

The house I grew up in had one window in the bathroom. It was normal sized but we had a shade and paneled curtains over it.The shade was rarely ever raised. I don't know. Just found it weird and wondered why. Maybe someone will answer it in my travels.

Fernando!

*chuckling*

So I have finally found a replacement for my Raul. As a matter of fact it is the same model as Raul it is just a different color. I'm still going through my love for pink. *eye roll at myself* I don't understand it myself but suddenly everything pink is what I want. So it is bubble gum pink and I named him Fernando. *sniggles*

So I said that once I found my replacement for Raul that I would give the story of the search for said replacement. Oh. My. Word. Who would have thought that a vajayjay, especially mine, would or could be so dang picky. *smh looking down at my nether region*

*flips back through blogs* Good grief! Raul died almost three years to the day that I found Fernando! *cthu* Only me. *glances down at nether region again* Finicky heffa.

So, my search for Fernando began a few months later. I got ten working fingers. I didn't need to rush. lol So I decided to start with the toy shops on The Block, Bmore's red light district. There is one shop down there I don't go in. The guy who runs it is pure grouch whenever a woman comes in the store. His loss, not mine. I go where my hard earned dollars are appreciated. I'm not gonna put on my Norma Rae over a sex toy. Not. Gonna. Happen.

So I went to the shops that were lady friendly. None of them had anything remotely resembling Raul. I went to a few other shops that I frequent for wedding gifts and no dice. Then I took to the internet. *sighs* Everything was either huge, mini, *pauses searching for word* or oddly shaped. Nothing normal sized.

So I let it go for awhile. Then I decide to come back to it and figure, maybe it is time for a change. So back to The Block I go. I'm in pink mode by this time. Who knows. That might be when it began. Anyway, I see one that has a bend to it. *mischievous side eye left* Reminded me of someone I knew. *sniggle* However, unlike the someone I knew it has a remote control. *amused side eye left*  I'm gonna blame my error in buying this thing on memories and amusement.

Now, the thing is sealed inside plastic. So I didn't get to touch it before hand. This will soon show me that it is not a good thing to not touch before buying.

I get the thing home and wrestle it out of its packaging. *disgusted sighs* Dear retailers: That sealed thick azz plastic is only a deterrent for buyers. The thieves have the specialty scissors needed to get it out of the packaging. I do not! I scratched and cut my hands all up trying to get it loose! By the time I got it out of the plastic I wasn't exactly having happy horny feelings.

*breathes*

So I now hold my new toy in my hand and I'm trying to decide what to call it. Then I TRY to close my hand around it. W...T...H?  My hand barely closes around this thing! Goldie dries up further if possible. If I can't fit my fingers comfortably around it then it is not for Goldie. * unapologetic shrug*

So there are no refunds on sex toys, as you know. So I figure I'll at least give it a try. I have. Twice. Why does the off button on the remote not work? You can turn it on and speed it up but you can't turn the damn thing off!!!!!

Then of course it doesn't fit Goldie and then it is made from silicone. My nether region, I have found, doesn't like silicone. I can't even use this $35 toy as a tickler on my lady parts!  And that bend that I thought was such a cute reminder of someone else does not work as I thought it would. And I've tried. Twice!

*le sigh*

So, I take another break from the search. Then back to the store I go. This time, I grab an old standby in the toy world. I remember seeing them in wig catalogs that came to our house as a child. No. No one in my house wore a wig. *shrug* I was just recently reminded of these catalogs and this "massager" as it was called back then. It was $10 and I figured it was at least close to Raul. Again I did not touch it before bringing it home. It was in a box but the box wasn't sealed. I really should have looked in the box.

I get this thing home and open the box. Inside is a "massager" even bigger than the pink monster now sitting in the toy chest collecting dust. This thing takes two C sized batteries!!!!!!

What in all the rings of Hell????????????? Raul took two double A batteries.  WTH are you people putting in your orifices and why? *sighs* You're making it difficult for the rest of us to get ours without tearing ourselves a new hole!

Again, no refunds on the toy. I try it. I think maybe 5-6 times before it too joins the pink monster in the toy chest. It is just too big to even tickle me right. *sighs*

So back I go. At this point I am determined to find something that fits. So on this last trip it is close to Christmas. I'm in the store taking my time browsing and mean mugging the two toys I've tried and anything resembling them. There is a young black couple on the other side of the store.  They are talking low at first and then all of a sudden I hear:

"I already told you you're not putting anything in my butt! If you want the butt beads for you then I'll buy them for your Christmas present but you ain't putting nothing in my butt!"

Then she storms out of the store. Then he slinks out the store behind her. Then I bust out laughing. Grab a mini "massager" off the wall and call it a day. They made my whole day. *chuckling*

The mini is no Raul but it will do. And it does do until...*contented sigh*  One day I was on my fetish site and saw an ad for an adult toy site. I don't know why but something said click it and I did and I found him! Fernando!!!! Oh there were purple ones too! But I've got some pink accessories so I stuck with the pink motif. *chuckling*  I'll probably go back and buy a purple one...and the purple accessories. But for now I have FERNANDO!

He fits! He fits! Just the way he is supposed to! *lol* Fernando hits all the spots that Raul use to hit. *happy contented sighs and humming In The Pink by Jem and the Holograms* He costs twice as much as Raul did but it was worth every penny!

However, the site was having a give away with purchases over a certain amount. Mind your business. So, I figure what the hey and add the free "massager" to my cart. Then they get here. Fernando gets an antibacterial wash, just in case, and put to work. Judge me. I don't care. Goldie is happy and that is all that matters.

However...the freebie.  Ummm...I ain't judging. I know everyone is built differently in their private adult happy parts but ummm...I can't fit this thing in my mouth. *goggle eyed*  So this is one of those things that I just can't keep to myself and I decide to tell CCW2 as we are walking to our cars one evening. Hey! She told me about buying a 25 cent "massager" in the office. I figure telling her about the freebie on the parking lot is safe.

Why did this fool say to give it to her? I said, Umm, I tried to put it in my mouth. She shrugged like so what. I don't know why but something about that was just like, NO. If it had still been in the box I wouldn't have had a problem giving it to her. But my teeth had been on it. Seriously, I stretched my jaw till it hurt and still couldn't get it in but so far. I do not have a little mouth! Look...*sniggles* long story short I read something one day that made me wonder what was my oral limit. I can fit my tee ball bat in my mouth. The freebie? No. So that now also sits in the toy chest all pink and huge and unused. Not even as a tickler. I tried and Goldie said she didn't trust me not harm her with that thing. *chuckle* The odd thing is that it takes double A batteries like Fernando. But the sleeve on the outside is HUGE!

So that is the long, crazy, convoluted story of finding a "massager" for my vajajay Goldie. Finicky heffa.

*tips water glass at monitor and continues humming In The Pink*

Just the facts

Breezing by just to give the facts. *chuckle* I'm in a really good place right now so not too much to complain about.

The crazy white guy that *finger quotes* resigned has found a new job. So we've stopped worrying that he'll show up to the job to take out his frustrations on us. It is right up his alley too. I wish him well.

The job is busy with the new duties I have but hey it is a living. I'm making strides to move forward in my life in positive ways.  I'm shedding anything and anyone negative without a backwards glance. It feels awesome. I finally understand the phrase: I'm too blessed to be stressed. *bright smile*

I ain't got time for the drama. I finally realized how to let people walk their own path without getting sucked into it. It is day 36 of 2013 and my fuggs to give remain at zero. *shrug* And it feels really good.

I caught myself about to grumble a couple days ago. *smh smiling* I was looking at what I had left over after I had paid my monthly bills and was about to grumble when I remembered having zero left over after bills. I gave thanks to God for raising me up from there and kept it moving. My only wish at that point was a trip to my favorite steakhouse anyway.  You know a couple days later a friend showed up to treat me to lunch there? *smiling* My Lord God is truly an awesome God. Not only are my needs met but my wants too.

Like I said, I ain't got too much to complain about. What I would complain about I am finding constructive ways to work through it. Complaining very rarely does any good for me anyway. It is always best just to figure out the lesson or skill or whatever I'm supposed to get out of a situation so that I can move on. Life is about more than just surviving the rough patches but appreciating them for what they were meant for.

*chuckle* I sound all Zen like. I guess that is just how I am feeling now. Trust it isn't an all day every day feeling...YET! But every day it lasts longer and longer. I am so grateful and thankful right now that I feel like gushing.

There's a lot going on with the folk around me but...*shrug* that's their journey not mine. And I am finally okay with that.

Oh! The Ravens won the Superbowl. I could care less but it has made people in Baltimore a little more pleasant. People have been in good moods for the past couple days. Baltimore needed that spirit lift. I'm hoping it carries through for a while.

Otherwise my president is still black *chuckle*, life is good, my books are doing well. I can't live off the proceeds YET! But I know I soon shall be able to do so. Then I can really start pumping out stories. I've got so many ideas! Oh and I found a new happy place. *lol* Amazing what you find and how your life changes when you go looking for the light and happiness instead of dwelling on unhappiness and the dark. Yup! The Lord God is STILL good, STILL sits on His throne and all is right with the world.