RIP

Raul, my vibrator, died this morning. No, not while I was using him! Thank goodness! *sigh of relief* I will miss him dearly. *sigh* I wish I could say we had a long full life together but…I can’t remember how long I’ve had him.

See, I always joked that one of these days I was going to get tired of all the shenanigans and nonsense that comes with dating black men. I use to make my friends laugh all the time when we exhaled together that one of these days I was gonna give up on black men altogether. I was gonna go buy me a purple vibrator. I was gonna name it Raul and call it a life! *lol* I was joking. I had no idea that they even made vibrators in colors back then. That was back in the days when I wouldn’t even consider dating anyone other than a black man. *smh* So much wasted time.

Then one day, I was in the toy shop buying a wedding gift. Yes, if we are friends and you get married you will not receive a toaster, place setting, wine glasses or anything else remotely boring. You’ll get something from me that cannot be opened in the company of anyone other than your significant other. I am just trying to be helpful. And everyone’s SO loves me for it. That is of course as long as you follow through and use whatever it is I bought you.*lqtms* I’ve only had one complaint in all the years I’ve been doing this. I bought a really sexy piece of lingerie for a girlfriend. Her boyfriend told me don’t buy her any more of that stuff. *lol* He said it was gorgeous on her but it was just a tease cuz she promptly fell asleep in it and wouldn’t let him touch her. *lmbo*

I looked at her to see what the problem was. She rolled her eyes and said “Next time bring your azz home at a decent hour and sober and I’ll follow through!” *lol smh* Yeah, they didn’t last much longer after this.

So anyway, I’ve made so many trips to the various toy shops around Bmore that I forget whose wedding or when it was that I found Raul. I just remember standing at the register waiting to make my purchase when I looked over on the wall beside the register and my eyes landed on the vibrator display. There were a myriad of colors, lengths, widths and styles. *wiggling eyebrows up and down* One in particular caught my eye. It was a nice average size, 6-7 inches, average width and it was purple. *chuckle* And I was sold!

This morning I was awakened by this loud noise. We had a snow storm last night. I thought someone was outside using a snow blower to clear their walkway. Yes it was that loud! I was pissed too cuz it was 7:30. I got up to investigate only to find out that the noise wasn’t coming from outside. It was coming from my room. From the place where I keep Raul. I mean it was louder than anything I could have imagined Raul ever making. I had left Raul in the off position but I guess there was short (shut up) and he just turned on all by himself.  I couldn't get him to turn off. (Shut up!) Then, Raul vibrated out his last.

Gracias, Raúl, para ayudarme satisface mis fantasías. Le faltarán.

Hmm, considering he had Made In China stamped on him perhaps I should say: 谢谢，Raul，帮助的我履行我的幻想。 您将丢失。

Either way, he will be missed.