Lately everyone seems to be going through it...

Welp!  Last weekend was an emotional weekend. I was supposed to go up and see my BFL. However, she sent me a text midweek that she would be coming to see me. I was like cool. The sailors were in town for the Tall Ships festival at the harbor so there would be plenty to do and see.

We didn’t end up doing any of that. We did a lot of talking. Her husband has left again. Just when she needs him most. Her daughter got pregnant again. Me and her both are like it was too soon after her miscarriage but you just can't tell people some things. Some stuff they have to learn the most incredibly hardest way possible.

She was blessed this time as this baby made it this time. She was in the hospital for two months trying to hold on to the little guy until he could survive on the outside. He spent another two months in the hospital and came home last month.

In the midst of all this my BFL has had to battle her mother in law who seems to think that they should drop everything and cater to her wants whenever she shows up.

You know, my BFL talked about how ditzy her MIL is all the time. It took over ten years into her marriage before I got it. I mean most people have in-law problems. But this one story sums it up for me.

When my BFL’s daughter was 12 her paternal grandmother decided to take her and her cousin to Disney World in Florida. Grandma worked for the railroad so their transportation was free. About four days or so into the trip the two girls got on grandma’s nerves and grandma cuts the trip short. Now the story the girls told is that grandma asked them, two 12 year olds, what they wanted to do the next day. They told her.  I don’t remember what now because that was 10 years ago. Well, grandma didn’t want to do that and suggested something else. The girls said they didn’t want to do what she suggested. Grandma got mad and said that they could just go home then. So she packs them up early and jumps on a train to bring them home.

Now, before she jumped on that train you would think she’d call their parents right? Well she didn’t.  It is an 18 hour ride from Orlando to Baltimore and they were headed to Philly. At no time did she contact their parents to say she was returning 3 days early.  She gets to Philly, leaves her granddaughters in a friend’s care who happened to be working that day, called and left messages on the girls’ parents’ phones and then jumped her butt on a train to Jersey.

So she left two 12 year old girls in the Philly train station alone. The friend she left them with watched them a while but then left the girls on their own. My BFL and her husband were away because they weren’t looking for their daughter for 3 more days. Luckily, her sister-in-law had only been out running errands. When she got home and heard the message she jumped in her car to drive to Philly to pick up the girls. She said when she got there, the girls were alone and unattended.

Anything could have happened to those girls but grandma was too busy being a child to realize that. So yeah, I was done with their paternal grandma then. My BFL’s husband wasn’t raised by his mother. His father had custody of him and he was raised by his paternal grandmother. His father was and is still living a teenaged dream in his 60s. I’m a need folk to grow up.

I  remember asking my BFL what her husband said to his mother and she said not much of anything. She said she ended up snatching the phone from him and laying her out.

Ok. That is one of many stories about my BFL’s MIL but I think that paints her in the light she needs to be seen in. Ditzy broad.

So, my BFL’s daughter has been updating her fb page on how she is doing. Her cousin is friends with her on fb. They’ve been talking via fb so the cousin can stay updated on how she is doing. The day the baby is born he is a premie and is taken to the neonatal ICU or NICU. The cousin and her mother, who is starting to turn as ditzy as her mother, show up unannounced and start a ruckus because they want my BFL’s daughter to get up out of bed and take them down to the NICU to see the baby. She just delivered a few hours ago, she was tired and had just gotten to sleep. However, they felt that she should get up, which would require a nurse having to come help her, and take them down to the NICU to see the baby because they drove from Philly. My BFL said that her daughter said they just kept pushing the issue of their having driven from Philly. Um, no one called for them. She was tired and in a lot of pain at the time. And they were being really insensitive.

So I’m guessing that there were some harsh communications sent to my BFL’s husband because the next time they came to town the same thing occurred. Except this time, my BFL’s daughter was out of the hospital. She and my BFL had planned to run errands to get things the baby would need when he came home. It was getting close to that time. Again, SIL showed up at the hospital unannounced this time with MIL in tow.  They called to let the daughter know that they were at the hospital and wanted her to escort them to see the baby.

The daughter calmly explained that she was running errands to pick up things for the baby’s homecoming. Little fella came home still on his monitors. There were things they needed to get for him. They wouldn’t be stopping by the hospital until later.

Well that wasn’t good enough for the in-laws. My BFL’s husband had been out of town and just so happened to return that day. So long story short, that’s when the argument started that ended in him spending the night in NJ.

So now home life is too stressful for him. He needs another break. *sad sighs* So my BFL is home with their daughter and a premie while he is somewhere resting his nerves like he is the only one stressed.

I think I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, he has never taken his wife’s side against his mother, no matter what ditzy thing she does. That has got to hurt my BFL as it would incense me.  I’m your wife and the mother of your child. I’m your partner. I’m the one here for you when you come back from maneuvers, when you are complaining about your job, need a hump in the sack, need help taking a bath because you threw out your back, bringing you pillows, food etc after your knee surgery.  Over 20 years of marriage and he’s still siding with that ditz he calls his mother.

On the other hand, he wasn’t raised by his mother and he’s trying to get her approval and build a relationship with her. It is difficult when neither wife nor mother get along. His sister has succeeded in building a relationship with his mother. He wants the same.  Right now, he sees his wife as the reason he and his mother aren’t closer.  Instead of just realizing, mom is a ditz. Sister has inherited some of mom’s ditziness and you are going to have to love them two from a distance.

My BFL broke down and cried last weekend. That is the first time I can ever remember seeing her cry. I really don’t know what to tell her to do besides seek the Lord God’s counsel. This is out of my area of expertise. I’ve never been married and I’m not her. You don’t get to leave me twice in the middle of a storm and think you get to come back.

I don’t think I would have let him come back after the first time he left me. I’d a prayed on it. If the word I received was give him another chance then he better cherish that chance. Leave me a second time? There wouldn’t have been a counsel. There would have been papers filed and the dissolution of a marriage would have begun.

If you are there for me in the good times then you need to be there for me in the rough times. Telling me you need a break and leaving me to deal with the stress of parenting alone until the dust settles is a childish thing to do. I need a man not a boy. Go home to your mammy and work out your issues then because you are no longer welcome in my heart.

But that is just me and I would never tell anyone to leave their spouse unless I had proof that said spouse was doing something that would be detrimental to them both. This right here is just growing pains. You experience them all your life. The question is whether they will grow together or apart?

I don’t think she can stand alone much longer. On her plate are the following:

1. A simple azz husband who can take the stress of the military but can’t deal with simple family stresses.
2. A ditzy mother in law who thinks she is the queen of Sheba and should be treated as such.
3. A ditzy sister in law who is a first lady of somebody’s church so you know you better bow down to her.
4. A sister who may one day have to live with her as she hasn't had a job in over 15 years and is mentally, not quite right. Not sure how to term her but she’s kinda slow.
5. She has an autistic niece whose care will someday fall to her as her mom is now in her 60s headed toward her 70s and is the primary point of contact for her grandchild.
6. A daughter with a premie and no job.
7. A premie who wakes up every 2 hours to be fed.
8. Let’s not forget the dog the husband came home with that still needs to be walked and fed even though he ain’t there.
9. A job that is constantly laying people off. She never knows when the ax is coming for her.
10. Co-workers getting on her last nerve as they complain nonstop about their lives.

I think ten things is enough. That’s more than enough to have me divorcing him, selling the house, and packing it in to move elsewhere and start fresh.

Everyone seems to be going through it right now. Even me. I just feel like I keep going in circles or the wrong direction or something.

I took this weekend as an internet hiatus and it was so needed. I have started meditating on God again. It was like coming home. Something in my spirit suddenly felt better. I hope to start making some better decisions soon. Or at least start seeing my purpose more clearly.

Tired of running in circles. I’ve been in this phase in my life for a long time now. I’m doing something wrong.  Time to get it right.

I haven’t been meditating like I use to. I’ve been on the internet in the evenings. I see I shall have to cut that out for the time being. Truly. I started meditating Friday and by yesterday I was feeling so much better. Even opened up some things that were closed to me in a story I was working on.

I know a few atheists now and I don’t know how they do it. I go through these rough patches and I have my Lord to hold onto and I make it through. He is my Comfort, my Counselor, my Help and even my Strength.  I know that regardless of what I am going through it will all work out and it will work out beautifully according to His plan.

It may not feel beautiful right about now but most great work doesn’t. The pain of childbirth is not a beautiful thing to most women but when they hold their baby in their arms it was all worth it.  An athlete goes through the pain of torn muscles and numerous other injuries but when they have that trophy that they have trained for all their lives it all becomes worth it.

I know that nothing that is going on today is any different than anything that has gone on before even my parents were born. The names and faces of those in power change but the purpose is the same. In the end it will be as it was always meant to be.  And it will be a beautiful thing. And I am so glad that there ain’t a dang thing anyone can do to change it. Y’all arms are entirely too short to box with God.

Peace and prosperity,

*tips water cup at monitor*