Bitter black men.

I think I make some men mad at me. Maybe I am just over analyzing but these are just my observations.


I think I am the 80/20 rule when it comes to women. In case you don’t know what that is it is just this, I am 80% of what most men say they are looking for in a woman.

I can cook very very well. My specialty is down home southern cooking. Still working on my mac n cheese and biscuit recipes but I’m getting there. I make the greens that make the family show up for every holiday gathering and the pot is always empty at the end of the evening. *chuckle* And I recently discovered that I make a mean pound cake. I thought my sister Cookie was the only one who could hurt your feelings with her deserts but I have found my desert specialty. Oh. My. Word. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and…I have no words for how good it is.

Southern cooking is my specialty but that’s not all I can cook. My spaghetti sauce has received the ultimate compliment: it disappeared at a department function. LOL Everyone kept asking me my secret *lol*. No secret really, it is Ragu with some home doctoring. I learned it from Cookie and I believe her sauce is even better than mine. *LOL* She does hers in a slow cooker. I just cook mine the day before I serve it and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then heat and serve. The seasonings go thru and thru that way.

I can follow most recipes and have it turn out well. I enjoy cooking in and cleaning a quiet house. *chuckle* I find myself meditating while I am cooking and cleaning as long as it’s quiet. I find afterward though my body is tired my mind is so clear.

I like and keep a tidy home. Not spotless but tidy.

I work and bring home a decent salary, thank You very much my Lord God. I have been told I am not supposed to be working at the level I am working at, especially with no degree. *shrug* Try my God. I loves Him and His son Jesus. They really do work miracles.

I don’t smoke. I have no baby daddies. I don’t have miscellaneous exes hanging around. When a relationship is done then it’s done. I stop. Recover from whatever needs to be recovered from. Learn from my mistakes and move on. I wish the man the best while I am at it. No hard feelings here. That’s wasted emotion.

I am well groomed. I may not have top of the line anything but I look good in what I wear. I keep myself neat and tidy.

I enjoy sex and enjoy pleasing a man as long as he reciprocates. There isn’t much in the bedroom that’s taboo. And I keep what happens in my bedroom in my bedroom.

I haven’t turned into a bitter black woman becuz I am single at 42 years of age. *shrug* There are far more good women (of all colors) than there are good black men. A lot of good black men date women of all colors which makes the pool of available good black men even smaller. It is what it is. Besides, I am not just looking for a good black man. I am looking for an extraordinary man. All colors may apply. *smirk*

With all that going for me why am I only 80%? Well becuz I don’t look like Halle Berry, Amber Rose (I wanna be her smarter more talented clone), Janet Jackson, Stacey Dash, Pam Greer (I wanted to be her clone first), Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union, Lela Rashon, or *sigh* Sade. Among others but these women make the top of my list of beautiful black women as the media would have society accept beauty.

However, my purely aesthetic list includes all of the above along with Mo’Nique, Jill Scott, Nina Simone, Tina Turner (RIGHT NOW), Jos Stone, the ladies of the duet that is Flowetry, Queen Latifah, Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, etc. My list could go on and on. But that’s not beauty in the eyes of many men. *shrug* That’s what I mean about that 20%.

The extraordinary man that I am looking for sees past the aesthetics of beauty to what is real. The world’s perception of beauty is easy on the eyes but it can be very hard on the heart, mind and soul. He, like me, has already been there and done that. He’s looking for someone of substance. Just like me.

But I digress.

I am not society’s standard of beauty and I am not going to try to twist myself into it either. End up crazier than a rabid dog. No thank you. If I end up alone…I won’t be bitter about it. I want what I want or I don’t want anything at all. I’ve always been this way.

Best way to explain me is this story. I’ll try to keep it short. *chuckle*

When I was about 8 or 9 years old I went with my mother to buy new blankets for the family. Since I was with her my mother let me pick out my own. I picked out a lovely shade of blue but alas it only came in a king size and my bed was a twin. My mother said she was not going to be constantly washing that blanket becuz it would just drag on the floor. She told me to pick another blanket. I refused. She said fine but you’ll be cold this winter. I knew better than to talk back but I thought to myself no I wouldn’t. Becuz, everyone else was getting new blankets, I would just take their old ones and put them on my bed. I had a nice toasty winter.

I’d rather be content with what I have then settle for less than what I want. I’ve settled with other things in my life and never been satisfied, content or happy with what I got. I won’t settle when it comes to a man. I’ll just make 3 people very unhappy. Me, him, and the woman he could have been with.

But the problem comes into play for me when I am around men on a regular basis. Though women sometimes try to shove me into the lesbian category, men always know I am heterosexual. Women try to shove me into the gay category becuz I don’t keep a man. Not even just to have someone to sex. *shrug* I got a vibrator and batteries. Though it’s not the same, there is no drama factor with the vibrator. I’ve noticed that women who keep exes around for sex have a hard time getting rid of them when they find a new guy. Then they and their new guy end up having a parting of the ways before the relationship can even get off the ground. No thank you. Keep it moving. Maybe we can be friends in 20 years or so. I mean let’s be real here…this guy is an ex for a reason. I forgive but I ain’t forgot why I am not with you anymore.

So after a man gets to know me, if he is single (and sometimes not) and he finds himself attracted to me, he will make that move. Sometimes it is subtle, fellas cut this out cuz I sometimes miss subtle just like you all do. Sometimes it is not subtle at all, fellas I appreciate this cuz it leaves no room for misunderstandings.

A guy makes a move and they get let down easy. I already know before they make that move whether we’ll be good for each other.

How? Simple, I am a charmer. While I am charming you (male or female) I am learning you. What type of person you are and whether you have a place in my life.

I was born and raised in Baltimore and have lived here, except for brief periods, all of my life. I know these men very well. Even the guys transplanted from other areas. Therefore, I’ve seen most types of men. Most not all. As I am charming a guy I know invariably most guys are going to find themselves attracted to me whether they think they do fat chicks or not. It’s just my nature. I’m very cool like that.

The more I charm the more men tell me. By the time a lot guys make that move on me I’ve already decided whether the drama they are bringing is worth it. Most of the time it isn’t. *shrug* It is what it is.

I am 42 years old. I don’t do baby momma drama. Period. I don’t do men still living at home with momma, aunty, sister, cuzin, or granny. If it is his house (need to see mortgage documents) and they are living with him that’s different. That all comes out while I’m charming him, trust me. I don’t smoke and I don’t do smokers. I think a man should be just as comfortable in my home as he is in his own home. If he smokes there after sex then he should be able to smoke with his lady after sex. You cannot smoke in my home. Period.

I don’t do junkies, alcoholics and gamblers who are not in recovery. I don’t have any of those things going on and don’t wanna deal with anyone else’s demons.

I work so my love you have to work too unless you are independently wealthy (Call me!). You must be STD/STI free and must be willing to take a test to prove this at my doctor’s office. Trust isn’t given, babe, it’s earned one step at a time.

So when I am shooting down these guys they don’t like it. Cuz you know fat chicks are supposed to be happy just to have man interested in them. *double eyeroll* Whatever. Not this fat chick. Add to the fact that they realize just how content I am with my life while I wait for someone who is not them, they get a little bitter.

Take my neighbors for instance. The two guys who only date girls with cars cuz they do not have cars themselves. *chuckle* I have just come to realize that whenever I start cooking in my place they start slamming in and out of their front door.

At first I didn’t know what to make of why they suddenly would start slamming their front door. Then I realized something. One day they cooked something…and burnt it to cinders by the smell of it. *smirk* Evidently, the girls can’t cook either. I blame teen pregnancy. I didn’t learn to cook until I was a teen myself. If you’re having babies as a teen you don’t have time to learn to cook well thus what do you have to teach your daughters? JMHO

As long as I am not cooking they seem to be able to come and go without me knowing the difference. But the minute I fire up the stove, which I do most Sundays and some weeknights, the doors start slamming.

And fellas? It tastes as good as it smells. *sniffing my greens cooking & smiling*

One of them, the one that smokes like a chimney, has tried to strike up convos a couple times. I very politely respond and keep it moving. Naw, son, you stay over there with them chickenheads that don’t bathe themselves. *chuckle* Plus, they are a bit suspect. As in I suspect they gay. I’ve overheard them singing love songs to each other when their girls ain’t around. Last month they were singing Luther. *confused face* Then their girls come over and its all hard core rap. *real confused face* If I ever hear disco then I’ll be finished suspecting.

Then there is the other neighbor, different house. The one walking the one and only chick I’ve ever seen him with to the bus stop. *LMBO* Oh. My. Word. Yeah, he has tried and failed a few times. And it has nothing to do with his height, though I am sure that’s what he believes. I have dated guys shorter than me and that’s saying something at 5’5”. So when I say I’ve been through most of the types I mean what I say. You have to be extraordinary in order to get an extraordinary. Aesthetics is only 20% of the equation for me if that much.

Anyway Mr. Bus Stop has all but stopped speaking to me all together. *chuckle & shrug* Sorry, hon, but I’ve never been sent home via a bus after a date and don’t intend to start now. You ain’t got cab fare after I give you the best that I got (sexual and nonsexual) then you ain’t got me. Evidently, your chick felt the same way. *smh*

I had the same problem at my last apartment. It was a duplex. Landlord lived downstairs and I lived upstairs. Landlord was married, but his wife didn’t cook much. Laws! The day I came home and they were airing out the house cuz they had burnt something to cinders was pretty funny.

I had two guys living next door. Both tried. Both had major issues. One was in debt up to his eyeballs but was working through it. Ok, dealt with that before. Your pre-relationship with me debt is your debt. No, I am not going to help you pay it down. You got into the mess and the best way to learn from it is for you to get out of it. But becuz he’s broke then I can’t go anywhere or buy anything nice for myself without him catching an attitude. Been there done that. Talk to me when you get free of your debt.

The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. *stank face* Let me say this again. The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. How I found out was that him and the husband were outside fighting over the wife – who was nowhere to be seen – and the husband repeats over and over to stay away from his wife. I seent the chick and she hopped ever so carelessly into and out of his car every time I laid eyes on her. Never would have known she was married from her demeanor. Plus, I don’t share my man. Period.

These are some of the black men who think they are good men…yeah…right…ok…but you are not for me.

So since I wasn’t interested, one of them started stalking me. So crazy. *shakes off the creeps* My landlord and the other one got a little stank with me. Hence, the move.

See a pattern here? Women can get stank with me too about it. As in how dare I be content without a man and they are going through drama. First, there will be drama in any relationship. We ain’t Vulcans. We are humans. Drama comes with human beings, being able to work through drama comes with being an adult. I’m just particular about the drama I’ll deal with. Thing is I don’t particularly care when women get stank about me. *shrug*

I do care when the men get stank. I’m not mean about it. Let’s just be friends, you know? I got plenty of single friends to introduce a guy to. But you know how some men are, if they can’t have you then they have to down you. *eyeroll*

When do I get to hang out with grownups?

I’d rather just be friends and keep it moving. Some guys can take that but some really do get kinda mean spirited about it. I’ll keep trying to improve my technique. Hopefully, I won’t have to keep improving too much longer. That my extraordinary man will show up soon so I can just say I’m taken!

*tips empty water bottle at the monitor*