Not So Springy Thoughts

So Spring has sprung. It’s been such a strange time in my life. I’m thinking a lot. Dreaming a lot. Wondering a lot. Angry a lot.

First the anger. I am so angry at the waste I am seeing. *smh* There’s too much to list. Most important is the waste of life. Waste of life in wars that rage on and I don’t even know what they are about. Waste of life on this planet. People die in the streets like life is nothing special. A woman shot her niece becuz she didn’t like what she was wearing. A man kills his girlfriend and then himself becuz he had nothing better to do that night. Teens bully another teen to commit suicide…and she does.

It’s such a waste. This planet is absolutely gorgeous for lack of better words. But so few seem to actually enjoy it.

I love cruising. I can sit on deck and just watch the sea go by in wonder. It makes me so happy and peaceful all at the same time. At least once a year I must dip in the sea just to restore my spiritual balance, come hook or crook, I gotta do this.

The ocean isn’t everyone’s joy, I know. But I also know for everyone there is that thing about this planet that makes it absolutely worth trying to be a better person. If only each person would seek it out I think people would live happier lives.

Too many are just caught up in the race for artificial material gains. Riches. Myself included. Though, I believe that I seek these things in order to improve the quality of my life and those around me. But I think that is what most rich greedy bastards started out doing. And look at them now and look at the world that they rule.

*smh*

I’m just trying to figure it out. I know I can’t solve anyone else’s problems but my own but I don’t know how to solve my own problems so I spend my time mulling over my friends’ and family’s problems. Trying to work them out for them and then figure out how to get them to take my advice. I’ve done this to my utter and complete failure and frustration! I really hate when people do the opposite of what is best for them (after asking my advice) and then wanna cry on my shoulder cuz it didn’t work out.

*sigh*

In trying to solve my own problems the answers elude me all together. I sometimes think that once you figure it all out and get your mind and life right you’ll die. That the journey will be over. That maybe that is why it takes so long for some of us to get it together.

*shrug*

I don’t know. What I do know is that this world has so much to offer and it truly saddens me that so few get any joy out of it. It kinda messes with my enjoyment. I know that as I am enjoying my favorite meal at my favorite restaurant that someone in the kitchen isn’t making enough money to make ends meet for their family even though they are working as hard as they can.

I know that while I’m chilling on my job one of my coworkers is experiencing personal loss of family and friends all in the span of mere months of each other.

I know while I am cruising one of the cruise staff is missing the spouse and kids they haven’t seen for 3-6 months.

And always, somewhere in the world someone is being tortured for their beliefs or just becuz there are way too many psychos in the world. There is always someone starving. Starving for food, love, attention, health, life, etc.

These things keep me stuck. I wanna be happy and I find times when I truly enjoy myself…and then…the news comes on or I surf the internet and read about a 7 year girl whose stepsister sells her to some grown azzed men for sex in the U.S.A. WTF is wrong with people?

The anger…I’ve been angry too much lately. Just angry at the sheer waste and futility of it all sometimes.

People are so worried about women having abortions that they totally miss the point that we have children alive and breathing in this world that we haven’t found hearts or homes for. Protest for those children. Get those children safe loving homes and I can almost guarantee that one day abortion won’t be an issue at all.

When I see PETA people on the news they seem so passionate about the animals bred to be clothing, adorn clothing and such that I often wonder how much better the world would be if they actually focused their collective energies on something important like the continued illiteracy in the US or the world. What would happen if the passionate folk of PETA turned their focus to helping the Native American stop their teens from committing suicide at such an alarming rate? What would happen if the folk at PETA worked on trying to save humanity instead of throwing paint on people’s clothing cuz its mink?

People mad cuz people wear minks…as long as a person isn’t wearing something that’s endangered I have nothing to say. How about the folk at PETA go protest the women and children being sold into sexual slavery all over the world? How about the folk at PETA focus on the teen pregnancy situation in the US? How about getting the world to stop using fossil fuels?

There’s so much loneliness in the world. I get online and there are way too many people there. I can only guess that they don’t have enough real life folk to keep them occupied offline like myself.

I tweet and sometimes I just sit and read. There are so many lonely people in my twitter timeline (tt). I’m like folk pull it together. Stop missing people and go find them. I hear excuse after excuse about why people can’t go get that person they desire. Even from the guys! It amazes me.

One thing my little e-romance taught me with My Obsession is to just grab people. No No No! Don’t kidnap no damn body!!!!! I did not tell you that ish so you can’t use that as a defense.

But if you feeling someone, open up your mouth and tell them! Just tell them! You don’t have to say you are in love cuz really you don’t know that online. Everyone isn’t being honest about themselves so until you meet them you never know. But just tell them you feeling them and let’s see if we can do this thing offline.

Why does that seem to be so hard? Has electronics truly crippled us emotionally to the point we will not even take a chance on finding a mate?

What about me?

*shrug*

I’m not lonely. I am looking for someone extraordinary. I believe My Obsession would have been fun for a bit but that is all. We really didn’t have that much in common and he could be a bit too opinionated. Truth: I think he is becoming a cantankerous old man. He seems very set in his ways. I’m still exploring and he…he just seems real bitter and sad about some past ish that he is still holding onto. He isn’t but 6 years older than me. That scares me a bit. I don’t wanna be a bitter old black woman. Ever.

I read an article on BA that the social problems in Japan have gotten to the point that there are men who stay in their rooms online and don’t come out for days. Meanwhile, I read somewhere that they’ve designed a pillow for women that has arms to hold you while you sleep. WTH?

I prefer the man. The day I settle for that pillow the morning after you will find me dead of a drug overdose.

Take a chance, folk. Take a chance. When I find my extraordinary I will take that chance.

I’m dreaming a lot lately, too. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not considering whom I’m dreaming about. *chuckle* Mostly my mother and a few of the folk in my tt. Nothing freaky or anything but I guess it’s a warning that I am spending too much time online. *eyeroll* I’ll try to cut back.

I once tweeted: Twitter is the devil. Someone tweeted back: …And Face Book is its bytch. LOL I have so far resisted getting a FB account. I will do so as long as I can lol.

I wanna end this on a high happy note but I don’t know that I can. Life…is…something else…I believe in God. I’m hoping I make it to Heaven. If I do, I wanna get in that line to have a very short chat with either Him, Jesus or one of the really smart folk that hang with Them to explain it to me. Cuz I don’t believe I’ll figure it all out this go around. We just don’t have enough free time to figure it all out.

Living takes up so much of your time that you have very little time to figure it ALL out. I’m just gonna need some loose ends tied up when mine is over. Please and thanks.

*tips water bottle at monitor*