Feminists

Feminists get on my nerves. They really do.

I mean, think about it. God in His infinite and wondrous wisdom made man. He made him with all kinds of wondrous talents. Like lifting things and fixing things and putting things together. Men don’t have to think “Righty tighty and lefty loosey”. I get confused just turning on my shower sometimes.

They like getting dirty working on cars and don’t give a crap about breaking their fingernails or getting dirt under them.

My manicurists (past and present) have always complimented me on the natural shape of my nails. The last time I chipped a nail I decided to cut it down on my own and call it a day. Afterall, it is just a fingernail and they do grow back.

However, when my manicurist saw what I had done she scolded me and gave me a FREE bottle of nail fix to hold me over until I could get to her the next time a nail chip happened. Therefore, I do my best to take care of my hands and nails becuz of all these women. My manicurist is on speed dial # 2.

So see, to me, men are just absolutely freaking wonderful. Most of the time. Don’t push it fellas. I know the same can be said for us women, too.

Then these gotdamn feminists come along and say women are equal and we can do this shyt ourselves.

Hello! *waves finger in a circle at the monitor* Nobody said we couldn’t do this ish ourselves! Read the Bible! No where in there does it say we women can’t do this ish ourselves! Its just hella more convenient and easier to let the men do it for us.

And y’all some men are so appreciative when I go all girly and let them do manish ish. Like killing bugs for me, and carrying stuff for me, and tightening stuff for me. They are so cute! Its like the more I gush the more they want to do for me. The more they do for me the more tickled I am! Its a win/win situation anyway I look at it.

I remember one time a friend of mine and her boyfriend offered me a ride home from college. On the way home he got a flat. He wanted to show us young women how to change a flat in case we ever needed to. He is one of those men who have been brainwashed by the feminists. There are a lot of them out there. I stays away from them type of men.

Anyway, I got out the car and strolled around to the passenger side where said flat tire was. I then informed him that I had no intention of ever changing a flat tire. He scoffed at me and said something insultingly highbrow I know cuz he was that type of college student.

I have always read a lot and in so doing I have a pretty large vocabulary. Therefore, I understood his insult I just chose not to respond becuz there is a God. And He seemed to be on my side this day becuz *chuckling in remembrance* as friend and her boyfriend disappeared on the passenger side to change the flat tire people kept stopping to ask me did I need help. Did I need a ride? Did I need help changing the tire?

I just barely kept a straight face. I thanked everyone who stopped kindly and assured them that help was on the way. I even got people asking did I need someone to stay with me while I waited.

LOL Oh my damn! He was hot when he got back in the car. I caught the two of them exchanging exasperated looks at least once. I truly believe that had he not believed I would have gotten a better ride home and that his car would have blown up from the bad karma he would have left me by the side of the road. They never offered to take me home again. That’s ok. Shortly thereafter college friend’s roommate put hickeys on boyfriend’s body. I ain‘t gonna go into where.

Men are absolutely freaking wonderful...most of the time.

I am truly tickled that though I have had a flat tire I have never changed a tire in my life. It is one of my dreams to be able to look back over my life and never have had to do such a thing. *shrug* You got your dreams and I got mine. Don’t judge.

But what gits on my nerves about feminists is that they have been trying to make me feel somehow less just because I like letting men do the things that they are so much more suited at doing than I.

I don’t want to chop down trees to build my chalet. When I do stuff like that I get big mucsles and my tiddays all but disappear. *shimmies Jasmine and Jocelyn* I like my tiddays becuz of how silly men act when I put the girls on display. And the way my girls sway gracefully to and fro lets me know they like being on display. So neither me nor my tiddays approve of said activity.

When men chop down trees and ish they get nice big mucscles and lovely well defined pecs. The men get pecs and I keep tiddays. It’s another win win situation as far as I am concerned.

*leans in consiratorially toward monitor*

And you know what? Now it’s just a theory but I think that a lot of times when men aren’t being absolutely freaking wonderful some feminist has done something to royally piss them off.

*shrug* Just my humble opinon. Hmm, I wonder if my old college chum did anything to royally piss off her old college boyfriend?

*leans back and tips highball glass at the monitor*