The Pathological Liar (TPL)

Why do I have this person in my life?

Quite simply becuz he makes me laugh. We are platonic friends and he makes me laugh. I have been told to kick him to the curb by my true friends. I thought about it but you know what? I know when my phone rings and I look down at caller ID and see his number I am about to laugh long and hard.

For that alone he has earned a place in my life and he is welcome to stay as long as he doesn’t turn toxic. And he can be.

Let me explain about TPL.

He is a person who believes that his life should be better than anyone else’s life. I have not guessed or surmised this with my superior (heh) intellect. He told me this himself. It took me a number of years to figure out that he will lie to make sure his life is better. I am just not sure if he believes the lie or not. *shrug*

True story: when gas prices first started to come down out of the stratosphere we were discussing the decline. I remarked that I had gassed up for $2.75/gal. He quipped in quick that gas on his side of town is $2.50/gal. I gave him a mean side eye and changed the subject. I watch the news and all the channels were once announcing where you could find the cheapest gas in town at that time it was $2.69/gal. It’s not good enough that he is getting something better. It has to be EXTRAORDINARILY better than whatever anyone else has. *smh and lqtms*

These lies get him through his day to day life, I guess, and I don’t have any need to call him on it. However, it has caused quite a number of people to fall away from him.

Our first lunch bunch back when I met him 10+ years ago was a multicultural group of 12+ of every skin color in the human rainbow. We would sit around that conference table and have a ball…until… *smh and frowning*

One day he told a blatant lie and tried to get me to back him in said lie, which I wouldn’t. But TPL has this knack of making people believe him. He gave everyone at the table a wise eye and said “Believe her if you want but I am telling you what I know.”

They all believed him. I shook my head and laughed cuz I didn’t see it as a personal attack. That was him flexing his power. Well the lie came to light as it usually does. Now this is how much he is liked until his lies are exposed, people tried to get mad at me.

I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet until you try to pin a lie on me. Uh-uh! EPIC FAIL! I flipped and let the Project Bytch loose for a minute and reminded everyone pissed that I had told them that he was lying and that they, EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM CHOSE to believe him over me without trying to investigate the truth on their own.

Everyone got quiet cuz I am usually the quiet one and I had just laid down the truth on them and it couldn’t be denied.

Our lunch bunch dwindled down to a threesome almost immediately. People did not like his lies. And I understand that. You are having fun and you go home to friends and family and regale them with stories of TPL only to find out that they are either half truths or all lies.

I take TPL for the here and now. I don’t go spreading the stories he tells me around…unless they are just that darn funny. Then I always preface them with “According to TPL”. Then it’s up to the listener whether to believe or discount the story. But it is always a good laugh. It’s a rarity cuz you never know how much is truth and how much is pure fiction.

His toxic side is just this: He will systematically destroy any relationship you have in your life if you let him.

Yes, I speak from experience. But luckily for me the relationship he destroyed is not one that I needed to keep anyway. I keep him away from the ones I want to keep.

As I said, our lunch bunch dwindled down to three. Me, TPL, and The Fabulous One (TFO). Me and TFO had struck up a friendship before even meeting TPL. Then TPL joined our twosome and those were, for a while, some of the most fun times I had ever had.


I love my girlz (my true friends) but they are a handful of crying, happy, sad, angry, terrified, mixed up, messed up, fabulous, loving, caring, crazy azzed heifers. All that emotion they bring me is tiresome sometimes. With me, TPL, and TFO it was all fun and giggles in the beginning.

I was the ever faithful sidekick to those two stars *chuckle* It was kinda like high school except now I was a sidekick instead of marching to my own beat.

TFO and I were pretty tight before we met TPL. We watched him and learned. TFO was so good at picking out his lies and taught me how to catch on to them.

Long story short (maybe I'll go into it on another post) even though we were armed with the knowledge of how he destroys other people's interpersonal relationships we still could not stop the ultimate break up and destruction of our own friendship.

TPL is just that good. He should work for the CIA or somebody. If only they could harness his talent for good.

It took me a while to write this one. Then I was talking to My Obsession this weekend and I suddenly knew what I wanted to say. What I need to explain about TPL is why I accept him for who he is.

See, 19 years ago his little sister was murdered by her boyfriend. At the time, his mother was battling cancer. The murder and then the refusal of the murderer to tell them where he hid her body broke his mother’s spirit. His mother gave up her battle with Cancer. Then a little more than a year later his father followed his wife to the grave.

So in the space of two years he lost his little sister, mother and father. He lost his sister horribly. He had to sit through a trial where the witness described dismembering his little sister.

*blinking tears* I know he is at the cemetery for his parents birthdays and anniversary leaving flowers. He goes alone. He says they are not good times for him but he feels he has to go. I know his birthday is the day his sister was murdered and that’s what he remembers every year.

I don’t know how I would come through that. That’s why I let a lot of stuff slide with him. I can’t fault him for it because we are all just human beings trying to do the best we can with the tools at our disposal. There aren’t too many guides out there so a lot is relying on yourself.

Yeah, he’s bitter sometimes. When I was first getting to know him, he hurt my feelings a few times. But guess what? I grew a thicker skin because of knowing him. It is not quite as easy for people to get under my skin as it was in my younger years.

About 7 years ago, I emailed him “Good morning!” as is usual for me. He came back with “What the fuk is so good about it?”

Ok, we talk like that to each other sometimes. So I laughed and emailed him back all the things he should be happy about. TPL came back with a reply that was full of so much venom that if words could kill I wouldn‘t be alive to write this. I can’t remember what was in it because I only read it once. I hit delete and empty. Shook my head and went about my day.

I was sick of his crap and I wasn’t about to take it. I had drama going on in my own life at the time and I had no clue why he dumped on me. We didn’t speak for 3 months.

Then one day he calls me up and says “Hey! What’s the shade?” That means, why haven’t I called. My reply was a noncommittal “What’s the shade with you?” And he told me.

See the day we stopped speaking was the day he ran into the man who helped his sister’s boyfriend dismember her. He was out of jail now and he thought it was just a fine and dandy idea to walk up to TPL and say “Hey man! How you doing?” Just like they were still the friends who had grown up together and he hadn’t cut TPL's sister up in pieces like she was meat.

He went through a lot during this period. He wanted to kill this man. And I don’t blame him. Had I known that I would have come back with something totally different than the sweet email I sent. He was hurting and most human beings lash out when they are hurting.

That was 7 years ago. We’ve both grown a lot in that time. We’ve matured, gotten smarter, and somewhat wiser and we know more of each other’s story so we are a lot more understanding of each other.

When his sister’s boyfriend/murderer got out of jail, the road was a little smoother. He was still in a foul mood but at least I knew why and I could deflect better.

Last month the BPD contacted him about the remains of a young woman’s body that they had reconstructed and asked him for DNA. We were really hopeful that it was her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her.

But this time instead of striking out at me he called me and we talked and we talked. And when it wasn’t her we talked some more.

All that to say, we are all fighting our own personal battles. He’s doing the best he can with the tools he has been given just like me. Anyone got a quick and dirty guide on how to deal with his type of pain? Yeah, didn’t think so.

If I had written him off 7 years ago, like everyone else wanted me to, he wouldn’t have been there to make me laugh when I had a horrible case of “I miss my mommy!” It was really pathetic. I was walking around the cemetery in tears, couldn’t find her grave and it just got uglier.

Yeah, I have friends who have lost their mothers but them heifers are a bunch of cry babies. They would have had a mope fest. TPL taught me how to laugh through the pain. And there is something that gets freed from my heart when I do find a true laugh in the midst of my pain. It makes the pain hurt less and my heart feel a little lighter. Speaking as someone who has cried themself to sleep due to emotional pain, I'll take the laughter every time.

He can email or text me and I can come back with “Bad day.” And he’ll stop what he is doing, pick up the phone and tell me some ridiculously funny story that will put the smile back in my stride. And I have learned how to be there and help him, too. Mostly I just shut up and listen. Sweet kind words are not what he is seeking.

Wow! Imagine what I would have given up if I had just given up on him.

BUT

...see how big that ‘but’ is? Wish I could make it bigger!

What I know is that he still gets jealous. He’s jealous at my ability to maintain friendships. He is jealous of my family life. And that is when he gets toxic. So I keeps him far away from those I wish to keep.

He is still a work in progress and so am I and so is everyone else.

I’m not saying keep everybody. Some people I had to let go for my own good. Like TFO. I still see her around and I am cordial. I learned from her, too, so truly I have no hard feelings against her and wish her the best. But as my supervisor said back when I cut her from my life, “She really could care less about you or your safety. People like that you don’t need in your life.”

Smooches babe! I let her kick rocks and ain’t looked back. *chuckle* But she has and so has TPL. We were a really fun threesome. But everything changes. Some things/people I kept and others I had to let go.

It’s mostly good though.