TG is at it again.

*sighingly smh*  So long story short, she called herself getting back at her ex ES and ended up getting got.  I don’t know why she doesn’t just pack it up and go home.  None of her jobs are working out for her and she has been in that city coming up on a year now.  I don’t believe she has either told her family that they have broken up or she hasn’t told them he played her.  Either way, I don’t believe she is being honest with the folk at home.  She doesn’t want to hear ‘I told you so’.  She needs to put on her big girl drawers, tell everyone to say it one time to get it out of their system, and take her butt home.

I get the feeling that this isn’t the first time that this has happened to her which is the real reason she is reluctant to fess up and go home.  Last night, she reached out to the group for some truth.  Chile, the last time we tried to give her truth she got mad and laid folk out saying we didn’t know her.  That is true.  If we were her real friends we’d know the truth of her story because it doesn’t add up.

See as a friend, I know that MB3 exaggerates her stories a bit.  Not much but a bit so I always know where to dial it back when she calls.  I know when she’s mad, sad, depressed, happy, jealous, etc by the tone of her emails and her voice.

See as a friend, I know that TPL is just that, a pathological liar.  He cannot help himself.  But his azz has issues that have been verified so I know to cut him some slack about some things and when to pull back and let his azz know I’m pissed and he owes me an apology.  And because I’m one of the few friends who put up with the madness and *smh* fun that is TPL I get one.

See as a friend, I know that my BFL takes some finessing when it comes to talking about her problems.  It takes time for her to work out her emotions.  I know when she just needs me to listen and when she needs advice.  I know when she has called to laugh and when she just needs to type out a bytch session.  She has a husband and doesn’t want him to know what she’s bytching about until she’s ready to say it calmly and rationally.  When it is just simple and petty stuff she leaves the bytch mode in the emails with me.  When it is something serious I hear about what happened afterwards.

See as a friend, I know that MCB has a lot on her plate and that sometimes she just needs to unload.  She needs love and encouragement and help to see the positive side when all she can see are the negatives.  I’ve truly had to shock her into the reality of how good her life truly is.  She is a lot better than when we first met.  Now she is just happily exhausted most days and frustrated with her career on others.  Those frustrated days I remind her that she only has one more child to get out of the nest and then she is free to go and do as she pleases.  Two more years and she’s free.  She’s thinking of coming back to Maryland.  *Happy Spice*

I could go on but I’m already over the thousand word recommended limit for blog posts. *snickers*  So I’ll just say this, I don’t understand why she still has pics of the ex up.  I’m betting neither do her “friends”.

I’ll tell you what I believe.  I believe she hasn’t told the folk at home that they are over.  I believe she slept with him in hopes that she was winning him back.  I believe she needs to go on home and leave this mess behind.  Or move to another state.  Something.  Because nothing is panning out for her down there except more hurt.

We have a no gossip rule in the group so I gotta gossip somewhere about this. *snickers*

She asks why does it keep happening to her.  The answer is simple but none of them want to know it.  Especially not from me.  Someone who is just sitting back observing it all.  I know exactly what is wrong with this generation because quiet as it is kept even the men are dissatisfied with the status quo.

But this ain’t my journey.  It is hers and everyone that is going through it.  I can listen when they are venting but until they stop and pay attention to what they are doing wrong…repeatedly…like lemmings going over a cliff, there ain’t shyt I can say.  They don’t believe anything that comes out of my mouth or fingertips.  Even though I am just as content in my universe.  And in a minute, I’m a have a man and a healthy relationship and they are truly going to be fugged in the head about it because there is no way in the world that I should have either.  At least according to all the unhappy souls out there telling the world how miserable I’m supposed to be. *eyerolls*

TG shut the group down last night. *smh*  I know those insomniacs were up.  It was Friday and people had already started posting music and getting their drinks out. *smh*  But when they were thinking of booting her a few weeks ago a lot of the core group said they’d leave if she was booted.  They think they are her friends. *side eyeing the whole notion*

A friend would be able to pick up the phone and call someone in her family and tell them what is really going on with her.  They say her home life isn’t ideal.  Is anyone’s?  If she ain’t running from mental, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse then she needs to take herself home to people who love her and want to help her.  If she is running from any of the above then the last thing she needs to be doing is dating.  The first thing she needs to do is get herself to a qualified mental health specialist.  I already told them that I don’t think we are qualified to give the kind of help she needs.  They don’t understand what I mean and I don’t know how else to tell them.

We vent and move on in our group quite a bit.  That’s life.  There’s always going to be something to vetch about.  Chances are there is someone in there who can commiserate.  TG comes in with Tyler Perry script worthy drama.  Seriously.  I haven’t gone into the half, just the highlights out of respect for our privacy rules.

Funny, I had reservations about admitting her to the group but all her “friends” said she’d be a good fit.  So I kept my mouth shut.  Damn my instincts are good even over the internet.

I’m about done with fb.  I say that because the only thing holding me to it was my women’s group and I see TG bringing an end to it.  Either she’s gonna get booted or get mad and leave on her own and her “friends” will leave with her.  It takes a long time for people to realize what friends are.  My momma told me that when I was a teen throwing that word around.  It made me start to reevaluate my relationships.

Then maybe the group’s leader will find good replacements for those that leave. *shrug*  Shame, this is a good group and we offer each other a lot in so many ways.  We just can’t help TG.  She needs a professional.

*tips juice glass at monitor and goes to make breakfast*

CCW1

*twisting lips around* I'm not particularly peeved, or angry, or mad. I'm not curious but it is in my spirit and I wish to purge it. So, here I shall.

So Friday the Megamillions jackpot went up to $640 million. On Thursday a group of us at work got together to buy tickets. We were each going to put in $5.  We sent out an email. 11 people answered. 10 had their money and one did not. CCW1 didn't have her money. So I mention it to another person and wonder should we just wait until Friday. She volunteered to put in for CCW1. I let CCW1 know. She replies, Well, I actually need $10. I owe so-and-so $5 and was going to put in $5 for them. Ok, I looked at her like she was crazy. I wasn't going back to ask that woman to put in an extra $5 to cover CCW1's debt. Especially since the word around the office is that she borrows and then doesn't pay it back.

Look it, I broke down and got a car. Gas is now $4/gal. $10 is 2.5 gals of gas. She done bumped her head if she think I'm throwing away gas money on her and she has an able bodied man at home. All I got is me. Yeah, I'm careful with my dollars.

So Friday all these extra people pop up wanting to join in. So fine we say we'll buy more tickets. CCW1 has her money now and she comes in and instead of handing it to me she threw it at me, saying Since you couldn't wait for me yesterday but you can wait for these other people. I started to tell her something but it could only have been God that kept my mouth shut. I didn't say anything but just looked at her. She soon left my office.

Cuz what I wanted to tell her is:

1) Chick it is all over the office that you borrow money and don't return it. I wasn't about to be responsible for you bilking another coworker out of $10. Then I would have had to repay them and been out $10. You are not worth 2.5 gals of gas to me. Deal with it.

2) Like Shante, you have a man at home. Between the two of y'all you didn't have $10? Ok, that is your problem and not mine or anyone else's.

3) Take your money back because with all the negative energy that comes with it we definitely won't win. And we didn't.

4) No one owes you gatdamn thing in this world. You need to get over yourself. Your daddy was famous. Not. You. You are 43 years old and you still ain't got that, yet?

I think I mentioned before about 2 coworkers telling me about her office money borrowing habits. I don't know why people tell me so much of her business. I do not ask. They literally come to my office and ask did I hear the latest. No. And I don't want to. Well, I just wanted you to know blah blah blah.

People. For real. If you want your money back from her then go ask her! The fact that you are going around talking to me and who knows who else tells me you are salty about it. But venting to me doesn't get your money back. And I really don't want to hear it.

*sighs* Then she told us to pray for her as she was going to apply for this job in another dept. *eyebrows come together* I didn't say anything but I immediately shot her buddy CCW2 a look. CCW2 worked in that dept. I've been on an interview in that dept. and decided against the job after the interview. I know people who worked in that dept and left. We all have A LOT LESS DRAMA going on with us than CCW1.

CCW1 says the job is all the things that she loves to do. That is fine and dandy. My questions are will she be able to stop screaming at her husband at work, stop borrowing from people on the job, keep regular working hours, and not go around telling everyone she hates her job while there. This is a very high visibility supervisory job. *blink blink*

I wish her the best of luck but let me state why I am not in the least bit interested in any job in that dept at all. My interview process went fine until I got to the last interview. I met with a gentleman who after asking me the normal interview questions then gave a very PERSONAL assessment of me that had nothing to do with the job. This man literally got into my psyche and took it apart. Some of the things that he said were so dead on that I had to go home and think about the rest of his assessment a couple days.

Then after I got him out of my brain I started to wonder why he did it? Is this something he does for shyts and giggles ever third Tuesday of the month or what? If he's in a bad mood does he come in and play mind games with the office staff? I didn't know and realized that neither the job nor the dept was for me.

Then someone that I thought I had gotten rid up showed up again. I changed my cell number as I do every 4 years or so. That gets rid of the exes or the wanna be exes. I don't do tap backs.

I got to say, I do love my Caucasian girlfriends but I swear they are the craziest. Bless the men that love them because I swear they are too cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Not all of them, just the ones I've known. lol I guess that is what throws me about CCW1, usually I find this level of crazy among my Caucasian girlfriends.

One of them reared her head again last week. She emailed me at work. Damn it! *chuckle* So we had lunch so that we could catch up. That means so she could dump all the drama that she has been going through on me from the previous year. *eye roll* Why, Lord? Why do I get all the crazy Caucasian women?

It is like because I know how to duck the simple azz negro men that I have to make up for it by having crazy Caucasian women befriend me.  I knew her azz was crazy when I met her 5 years ago. Last year she was finally diagnosed. She says.

Let's see. She finally got a divorce from her ex, she had a mental breakdown because his business failed and he was stalking her, they put her in a mental hospital, he came there and tried to kill her, he is now engaged to be married, he has custody of the kids and is living in PA, she has met a massage therapist off the internet who is presently in Japan or China taking classes at an exclusive massage therapy school, if/when they get serious he'll let her drive one of his luxury cars.

I think they need to adjust her meds some more. *rubs forehead* I do not need anymore crazy in my life. Please, Lord, make them go away.

One more thing about CCW1 since people love spilling her business all over the office. Her husband put her out of the section 8 house in September. Well, some time over the past few months his sister put him out the section 8 house. Of course she took him back. I guess she's stuck with him until they get their settlement check from the accident. *shrug* She did veto his idea of buying a jaguar for him. I'm proud of her for that much.

So CCW1's post

*chuckle* Every time I think it is finished, I think of something else to add. I really wish I had had the forethought to start it back in 2009. *shrug* But who knew. It is now 17 pages long. *smh* Sheesh!

Oh! The couple I blogged about, the one where I didn't feel like he had claimed her? Well they broke up. I gave them till spring mentally. I would never tell anyone, unless forced to, that I didn't think their relationship would make it. It is a shame because she really loves him. I think that his affections lie elsewhere just from a few of the things she has said. Like how much of his time, energy, effort, and money he spends ELSEWHERE. *smh*

One thing I have learned about men, especially black men because we blacks are more financially challenged than Caucasians, is that wherever men invest the majority of their time, energy, effort, and money is where their affections lie. Everything about their relationship just seemed to scream at me that there was someone else he wanted but that someone didn't want him romantically. JMHO of course as I've never met the two of them in person. Just conversing over the internet.

Now his ex is in a bad place. I hope she doesn't take him back when he comes crawling back because he's coming. The scenario I see is that whoever he really wants has been especially nice to him right now. He's going through it personally. He is, as many people do, mistaking sympathy and kindness for something deeper. It won't be long before that person puts him straight yet again and he comes running back to his ex. It will be around the time she is healing nicely but ain't completely over him. *smh*

And the wheels on the bus go round and round. There is very little that is new under the sun.

I think me and TPL are going through a thing. Or rather he is. *smh* I haven't heard from him much of late. I know one of his cousins is near death. And him and his brother are going through some issues so it may be just him having family stuff to deal with. We just usually talk 3-5 times a week and now we don't talk at all. This started with the new year. *shrug* I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

I came up with a pretty good business idea...for someone else. *chuckle* It would require having patience with senior citizens and my patience is just about at a bust. With so many baby boomers headed for 65 and above they will need people to either run errands for them or drive them to errands. I've noticed that a lot of boomers' children are super busy (read selfish) and don't have time to do things for their parents. People running errand services would make a killing in this business. Also, paid companions for the elderly. A lot of them have the money but not the mental acumen to judge people correctly. There should be a company(ies) that run(s) background checks and does personality matches so that the elderly person can have a paid companion to look after them since their family can't (or won't) do it.

My best idea is a black dating service. Not none of these fly by night jobs but a black dating service like Match dot com where you do a thorough background check: credit, criminal, personal (yes check them exes), family court, etc. Get all up and through their business. That way both parties could relax and know that they are both just looking for love.

As a black woman, dating is treacherous. As soon as a black man finds out I'm single, no kids, and got my own place they try to latch on. I'm like WHOA!!!! I'm trying to get to know you and he's trying to move in. No, ninja, no. Then they try to run mind games. I don't love them like they love me. *skeptical face* Like ninja, I just met you 2 weeks ago. You ain't in love...with me. You are in love with the fact that I don't have any crumb snatchers in residence to get on your nerves like at your current woman's place.

A service geared toward black folk, because our issues differ from Caucasians, would be wonderful. How many baby mommas/daddies do they have? Who do they live with? Do they have loan sharks or drug dealers looking for their azzes? Do I have to repost about the dude MB3 tried to hook me up with who was running from some drug dealers? *shivers*

So yeah. That would be a great service. *sighs* Now when is someone gonna get on that? I don't have the patience for it but somewhere out there is someone who this is right up their alley. They would love doing it.

Oh well...that's tricks for now. *tips coffee cup at monitor*

It has been on my mind so...

Here are a few updates.

First, to one of thee best chuckles I've had in a while. I needed it. I am so sick of everyone calling me with the same dumb drama that is centuries old.

Seriously, if the Bible teaches you nothing else it will show you that the same ish going on today is the same ish that has been going on for thousands of years. Men and women cheat in and out of the bedroom, pedophiles, rapists, murders, liars and theives always abound and there are only a few honest folk around. And everyone who ain't honest is always mad at the honest folk. *shrug* That's what I got out of it anyway. Among other things of course.

But back to my chuckle, my FB pal Meme called me yesterday with something new that gave me the giggles even after I got off the phone. She has met this guy who she likes. The only problem she can find is that whenever he starts talking about his job she wants to fall asleep. LOL She gave me an example that with my highly imaginative mind gave me a good laugh. She said they were out to dinner and all was fine with the general chit chat until...he started talking about his job. LOL To make matters worse she ASKED him about his job hoping that since she wasn't tired that the inevitable wouldn't happen. LOL But it did. I just had this picture of her sitting at the table nodding out on his conversation LOL. Poor Meme! lol I hope she works it out cuz she does like the man. I've never been or known anyone to be in that situation. It was a refreshing new problem.

Normal BS: I know I probably shouldn't care. I probably wouldn't with all the other drama going on if there wasn't a child caught up in this mess but...*smh* My coworker and her husband are back together. He came back with bills in tow that he didn't have when he left her. So she is running around tired and haggard looking eating oodles of noodles wondering where their next meal is coming from.  He came back to her with defaulted credit cards and 3 pay day loans in tow. So she has been using her salary to carry the household along with paying his car note and insurance. *slow blink twice*

Meanwhile, she has a ten year old caught up in this mess. *sigh* She was doing so well without him. Then to top it off, her car gets towed and sold at auction for unpaid parking tickets. Leaving them with one car. Then a few weeks later his car gets TOTALED! Yikes! Luckily, they have gap insurance so that paid off his car.

However, when they go to buy another car because he needs it to get to and from work, she mind you is on the bus, he wants a Mercedes. *rapid fire blinking* And he gets mad because the dealership won't finance one for him with his credit. Ok...she makes more than him at 40k+/year. Why in thee hayle does he think he can afford a Mercedes?

Now, the dealership can put them in a car. I forget what kind but it was relatively new and a nice vehicle. He turned his nose up at it. Coworker said fine. Honey, how about I buy the car and you drive it for the next 6 months and then we can try to get you what you want at that time. He pouts and says he thinks they should both wait 6 months then try to buy TWO cars. One of them being a Mercedes on her $40k+/year salary.

I almost bit my tongue in half. *smh* Nevermind how is he going to get back and forth to work. Or how her child is going to get to school. Let's just wait. Now mind you they do not live in Bmore City or even Bmore County for that matter. They are far off the beaten track. She is taking a commuter bus to work and ish. *smh*

But what really got me was the day she came in here talking about she didn't have any food in the house or money to buy any. Then a neighbor gave them some food from their job. *side eye* How are you going to be foodless with a child and worried about your spouse wanting a luxury car?

iCan't! I'll be single for life first.

Next, my niece filed for divorce. Oh that heffa is shady! She rifled through her husbands financials trying to see if he was hiding any money before she left him. Her momma said she is seeing someone already. She is trying to get full custody of the son and keeping him from his father. She doing a bunch of ish that might have me and the rest of the family on the news in front of her house crying. *smh* Can't tell her ish either cuz she just knows it all. I just hope she got good life insurance cuz I ain't paying for her funeral. Her azz will be in Potter's field. That is all.

Normal job bs. Nothing new there.

OH! My old e-crush friended me on FB. I know I said I was gonna tell him who I am but I decided against it. He has moved on and has a new love in his life and he's happy. He said one day that he had found peace with her.

Wow!

So, I won't be disturbing that peace. I'm happy for them both. We are what we should have been all along, e-buddies and it is all good.

Other than that God is good and the world keeps turning. Though sometimes I do want to get off the planet. *chuckle*

Waiting on the world to change.

*sigh*

I’m about to drop a womanly secret and I am wondering what will happen if I do? Will the cosmos come after me and punish me? Will my Woman Card be revoked and I end up a transgendered eunuch? Or will absolutely nothing happen cuz it is just possible that no one will ever read this little blurb? *shrug*

Let me start with what transpired that got me on this subject. A chick I once worked with and I have kind of struck up a friendly association of sorts. Let’s call her Buffy. *smirk* I don’t tell her anything and she tells me everything. *chuckle* Anyway, I get a text from her first thing one morning and thru a series of text messages I get the latest drama going on in her life.

See, a several months ago she met this guy. They went out on a date and…you know what? I blogged about her briefly in my HIV/AIDS rant. She’s that chick. This is the guy she slept with on the first date. Well, they’ve been dating ever since. He was homeless and sleeping on friends’ couches when she met him. Now she told me at the time that she was not going to allow him to move in with her. She said that. She did. She did. She really did!

So in June she told me that they were now discussing marriage. I thought that was a big leap for people who hadn’t known each other quite 6 months yet, but I said nothing. I let her talk. *shrug* I’ve heard of happy endings in such a short time of dating but I had my doubts about this but I kept them to myself. I let her shine cuz she was really happy.

Then he tells her that he lied when he said he wanted to get married. He had never discussed marriage before and he just wanted to know what it felt like to talk about it.

*Jaw drop accompanied by blank stare*

I am trying to find the words for the way I felt when I read this text and I just can’t. I know I stopped breathing for a few seconds and my mind went blank. And that was actually a good thing becuz since I had no response she could finish her story.

So that was on a Friday. She said she thought she felt ok about it but come Monday the damn broke and she’d been crying ever since. *sympathetic head shake* I could just imagine. By this time now I am getting pissed for her and my mind is thinking some truly vile, evil things about this guy and what should be done to him. But still I am silent. I let her speak on.

I asked her had they talked and she said yes and that she keeps breaking down and crying. She said he found it annoying.

*blinkity blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink, etc.*

My thought processes went something like this: “What the…who the…I…BLANK*

She asked me did I think she had a right to be crying and emotional right now. I was like FUK YEAH! On the inside. On the outside I said something calm and logical to the affect that yes she did have a right to her feelings. She thought she was building a relationship with someone who wanted the same things out of life that she did. She thought she had found the person who she wanted to share her life with and who felt the same about her. To find out now that he was lying was quite cruel. I told her perhaps she should take some time to cry and get her emotions under control. That perhaps she shouldn’t speak to him again until the weekend.

That was when she dropped the real bomb: He’s living with her so she has to see him.

I felt like saying, Bytch, what? This MFer is still living in your home (she’s buying her house) after that shyt he just said? Alive? And not in pieces buried in the backyard, under the front steps, at the dump and various other places I could think of? WTF???? This would be considered a crime of passion and you probably wouldn't even see the inside of a jail cell!

What I actually said I have no idea. I think I blocked it out but I know it wasn’t any of the above. As a matter of fact I think I totally blanked on responding to the fact that she had let this homeless MFer move in with her. So I let her cry it out to me.

So I talked to HKS to make sure I was right in my feeling even if I didn’t speak ill of The One Who Should Be Dead to Buffy. She confirmed my feelings and gave me a little something to take back to Buffy that went like this: You know, I have never had you living in my home before. I let you move in so that I could see what that was like but I was lying and I don’t want you living with me anymore. *tears of laughter*

So I passed this onto Buffy and her text response verbatim:

He is staying with family tonight. Just paranoid that he is going to leave me.

Yeah…I never did answer her. Didn’t know if I would ever talk to her again. Cuz my mind said: You dilly, low self-esteemed bytch! Six months ago this MFer didn’t have a place to lay his head. He has family that took him in tonight but this bytch can’t live with them. He had friends that let him sleep on their couches for a few nights but AGAIN nobody wanted to let his azz live with them. If you really want his azz you can pretty much order this MFer to marry you or be fukking homeless again. I’m betting his annoyance is feigned to cover up for really being scared that he’s about to be homeless again. That’s it. He’s scared you are about to put his azz out on the curb and he’s gonna have to start bouncing from couch to couch again. If his azz is lucky cuz you have no idea if he’s burned any bridges since moving in with you! But you are worried that HE is gonna leave YOU? WTF aren’t you helping his sorry azz pack?

I tossed my cell phone down and walked away in disgust instead of saying any of that. Watch her azz end up on Judge Joe Brown or some damn body. *smh*

But I didn’t talk bad about her…man? Whatever he is I didn’t say anything negative to her about him. Becuz what I know is that after telling me all this and getting me all worked up she would and ultimately did take this MFer back. She at least was admitting it. I’ve had friends who swore off their men time and time again. And time and time again they took their men back. *shrug* It just is what it is. And it’s nothing new. Have you read or seen A Streetcar Named Desire, Eve’s Bayou, or some other movie, book or play where this happens? Those are cases of art imitating life.

But if you are the friend that talked bad about your girlfriend's man guess who is the bad friend? And these women will tell their men which of their girls told them to dump him. Now he mad and hating the girlfriends for just reacting to what HIS WOMAN said.

And uh ladies? If you are doing this mess in hopes that your man won’t ever hook up with one of your friends you can stop thinking that. Dyck neither loves nor hates. It just strokes and ejaculates.

What made me decide to write about it was that one of the guys in my TT was going OFF about his girlfriend’s friends one day. They bitter. They ugly. They this, that and the other. I was cracking up cuz what he didn’t seem to realize was that his girlfriend’s friends are just going in on what HIS GIRLFRIEND told them. *smh*

I am just truly amazed that everyone always goes in on the outside women. No one ever goes to the source. If your man is cheating don’t go to the other woman (or man as the case may be) you should check your man. If your girlfriend’s friends got too much to say about your relationship don’t check the friends check your woman. Period. That is all. *chuckle*

Chile, I was just mad I didn’t have any popcorn cuz my TT was hot! He went on a rant for more than a minute! *LOL* I just kept sitting there hitting the refresh button. *LOL* And these folks are in their 30s and have yet to learn these very simple little facts.

I learned back in college to keep my mouth shut when it came to my girlfriends and their men.

My best story belonged to Lisa. See, Lisa and I both came from a working class family. Our parents couldn’t afford to pay for our college education, books, room and board etc. like most of the friends in our circle. We were still very different but our socio-economic background was similar.

Anyhoodles, around our junior year Lisa settles into a romance with a whore. The only thing that pissed me off about this was that she was letting him drive her car and I know how hard she had worked and scrimped to get that car. But again, I kept my mouth shut.

Our other friends thought she should be told. As is my way, I went along for the ride. I sat in a corner while they spilled the beans on all the whoring he had been doing and I said not one word. It wasn’t a conscious decision to keep my knowledge to myself becuz I actually I knew one of the girls he was whoring with. I saw him coming out her bedroom with my own two eyes. The look on his face was priceless when he saw me by the way.

So they told Lisa. Lisa ran back to her man and asked him was it true. Lisa came back and told them what he told her: You bitter heffas (he actually inserted my friends’ names) need to mind your own damn business. Get your azz a man and stop being in everyone else’s business. The shyt is lies. Blah blah blah blah.

Same stuff I have been hearing ever after. *smh* I heard about it from my friends after she gave them an earful cuz my name wasn’t mentioned. Becuz I didn’t have shyt to say.

Do you know that MFer had the nerve to try to fuk me a few weeks later? Then told me I needed to grow up when I turned his azz down and gave him my reasons for turning him down. *smh* I still can’t believe I had to explain to him why I wouldn’t fuk him. Whatever. Water not just under the bridge but out to sea by now. Given the chance he would have fukked every one of the vocal friends too, I am sure.

I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen this mess replayed over and over. Ain’t a thing new under this here sun. *sigh* I’m tired. Thinking of cutting loose the women in my life cuz I swear, I’m tired of this shyt.

I always thought it strange that my mom didn’t have any girlfriends. As I get older I am seeing the wisdom of that. I wonder how I’d do as a hermit?

I like my drama to be fictional and not coming through my phone, computer screen or walking through my door.

*waves tiredly at the monitor*

Just random thoughts

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The Fabulous One (TFO)

This probably won’t be as long and as detailed as it would have once been. All the negative energy I held toward her is, for the most part, gone.

The two of us met just a few months before we met TPL. We just clicked right away. She’s about 6 years my junior but we are both Sagittarians.

Yeah. I do put a bit of stock in those star signs. Not enough to try and predict my future or anything like that. It’s just that there are certain characteristics that I have found that people born under some signs do seem to share. I always click with other Sags without a problem no matter what color they happen to be. All except MOS. Again…she is another long azz post. Maybe several posts. *eye roll*

We both are ambitious. She taught me some things about job hunting and just opened my mind to a lot of things that had never occurred to me. She is in the category of people who helped me grow becuz they wanted to. She introduced me to black literature. Yes, I had to be introduced to it. Besides what I had read in school, which was the old stuff, I had never sought any out and no one I knew was reading black writers. Ain’t that sad? Especially, since ALL my friends and acquaintences read for pleasure. Since the majority of them are black that’s pretty sad that I had to introduce black literature to our group.

Now, we all read black writers regularly.

Anyway, then we met TPL. We met him one day over lunch. As we left the lunch room our eyes met and we burst out laughing cuz TPL was totally off the chain. He MADE lunch time fun time.

Man we had some great times back then. We worked hard and fast so we could have plenty of time to cut up at lunch. That’s where our great 3some started. Please remove your head from the gutter. It was totally a platonic 3some.

TFO and I use to get together for dinner out once a month. She had one kid and a live in boyfriend back then so once/month was all she could manage. Really that was all I could manage too. I had an apartment, no roommate and was saving for a car. So my pennies were spoken for too but it was great to have someone to hang out with who loved to laugh as much as me.

Funny how my crybaby harpy (as TDP would say) friends are still here but the good time buddies are in the wind. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing it’s just interesting. Cuz when our 3some ended they were all too happy to welcome me back with no reproach. Yeah, it’s really interesting.

My harpies couldn’t stand TPL and TFO cuz soon TPL was joining us for dinner and that was a wrap for the harpies for awhile. I was no longer at their beck and call. I had friends that I could make plans with and hang out and have a GOOD time with. I didn’t have to hear their same old complaints time and time again causing me indigestion cuz the heffas had no intention of changing their situation. They just wanted to dump that negative energy on someone else.

NOTE TO ALL HARPIES: If you want to convince your single friends that they should couple up with anyone they can find and have a baby no matter what the situation then your azz should call them when you are happy some damn time. Yeah, heffas, I’m saying.

We had a couple years of fun.

You know, in retrospect, I should have paid a lot more attention when TPL said this:

I don’t keep friends long becuz someone is always lying and then I end up having to tell them about themselves.

Or something to that effect. Yeah…he never said he wouldn’t be one of the people lying.

Chile, a lot of lying and disrespecting went on that took our friendship to its inevitable end. I think what tore it was this last incident.

TFO had suddenly gotten into the habit of telling me and TPL that she would meet us somewhere for dinner and then not show up. She wouldn’t call nor would she answer our calls. When we finally got a hold of her there would be no explanation and no apology.

This went on for many months till one day she called me sounding really depressed about a situation going on in her life. I asked if she wanted to get together and talk. She said yes. She picked the place and the time.

Ok, it was at this restaurant in this really dangerous area of town known for its heavy drug traffic. But a friend was in need so I went.

I get there. It’s winter time so its pitch black over there at the time she picked. I park in the small parking lot and wait becuz I didn’t see her car. I decide to give her half an hour and then I was going home. I felt pretty safe sitting in my car cuz every few minutes or so a police car would drive by.

But this little voice in the back of my mind kept saying: get out of the car. Over and over again and I kept getting more and more anxious for no apparent reason. So finally after about 12 minutes I got out of the car and headed into the restaurant. The police car went by again as I went inside. In that 12 minute period I had seen what I thought were 4-5 different cop cars. When I got inside I called her cell and home. No answer as usual.

I went back to my car and went home. I was livid! This place is clear on the other side of town from me mind you! This happened on a Friday night. You know that heffa didn’t call me the whole weekend. I did call TPL and told him about it and we decided that was it. We just wouldn’t invite her out with us anymore if that was how she was going to treat us. And neither of us were going anywhere with her alone again. No telling if she would show or not. And we didn’t know why. She refused to even discuss what was up with her.

So Monday morning I get to work and sign into my computer. Back then my messenger was set up to sign in as soon as I turned on my computer. An IM from her pops up. I ignore it and switch my presence to invisible. So she calls my work number. She is fine. No explanations. Doesn’t even bring up the fact that she left me in a drug infested area at night alone without the benefit of a call.

So I ask: Where the hell were you? I came clear the fuk across town for you and you were nowhere to be found and you didn’t answer your damn phone!

You know what her response was: Why didn’t you call before you left your house?

So I guess, if I had called before I left home and not gotten an answer I was to take from that that she was not going to show up. Bytch! WTF?

But you know what. I dropped it. It wasn’t worth it and evidently she didn’t think our friendship was worth it and I was done.

So my supervisor noticed and asked me what was going on after I hung up the phone. I told her what happened Friday and the incredulous look on her face said it all for me. I wasn’t crazy and I had a right to feel the way I felt. Then she schooled me.

She said that a person like that doesn’t care about you. They don’t care about your personal safety. That is a person who would have no problem hurting you for any reason.

That thought kind of scared me cuz that had never crossed my mind.

Then she said that I should be glad I listened to that little worrying voice. She knew the area too and she said that was probably the same cop driving back and forth. He probably had put a timer on how long he was going to let me sit before he came and investigated my presence there.

I said so, I didn’t have any drugs on me. She asked did I have any cash on me. Well, Friday had been payday and I had withdrawn quite a bit of cash to hang out and do stuff over the weekend. She said then he would have assumed that I was there to buy drugs. And since TFO wasn’t answering her phone so that she could corroborate my story he could have pulled me in for questioning. Then with it being a weekend they could have held me over till Monday at which time I would probably end up jobless when I called from jail to say I couldn’t make it to work and why.

Yeah you read that right. I had no guile back in my 20s. I would have called my supervisor and told her everything that had happened.

I looked at her in shock and before I could ask the question she answered it. I would have been jobless becuz our employer does not employ people under suspicion by the police of illegal activities. If nothing else they could have charged me with and convicted me of loitering. After all no girlfriend showed up and there was no one answering the number I would have given the police.

So yeah…I was done with TFO that day. I told that to TPL. He thought I was kidding. It took years for him to realize it. I think he thought as the years went on that I would soften. I’m not hard. I’m just done. I told him he was welcome to be friends with her but I was done.

His lying azz of course tells me he doesn’t talk to her anymore. *smh* But see, even though I don’t talk to TFO anymore she finds a way to communicate with me. See every time I tell TPL something juicy that is going on in my life TFO will send me a joke or inspirational email. I never respond but I got the message. TPL just passed along whatever bit of juice I gave him to her. *chuckle* I don’t care really cuz I never give him anything that I don’t want him to have. Nothing truly private just funny stuff that happens in my life. Like meeting HKS on North Avenue. Oh and by the way, that restaurant that I was to meet TFO at that night is located on a side street directly off of North Avenue. *chuckle*

He has tried a few times to get us back together. One day he cajoled and cajoled me until I told him I would think about it. But I told him that I had no intention of going through that foolishness of her standing us up anymore. I had shyt to do in my own life.

So he emailed her, cc’ing me, asking her about that. I forget how he worded it but he kind of jokingly alluded to her standing us up and asking had she changed. You know that heffa didn’t answer his question. She had been answering his emails up to that point though. After about 20 mins of her not answering he sent an email about something else. She responded to that email immediately but never answered his question about standing us up.

And I remained done. I called him on the phone and told him to have fun at dinner. He stopped trying after that.

So that is the short (hah) story of my friendship with TFO. There are a lot of bad stories I could tell but there are also some really funny stories I could tell. I let go of the bad so that I could hold on to the good stuff. I don’t know what was going on in her life and I guess she didn’t feel she could trust me with it. That’s a shame cuz she lost a good friend.

*Tips Welch’s Mango Passion Fruit juice at the monitor*

Maybe I'm too hard on my single mom friends.

After my post about MB3 I got to thinking about my friendships with the friends that have children. Maybe I am too hard on them.

Whenever my friends, family, and coworkers (only the black folk mind you) would ask me why I hadn’t had children yet (or now ever) my response is always that I never found the right husband for me. To which they always responded that you don’t need a husband to have children. To which I always responded, maybe you don’t but I do becuz I need help.

Then the question: What kind of help do you need?

My response: I need someone to take the kids off my hands when they start to get on my nerves. Then I’d laugh and they’d laugh and drop the subject for the moment. Now with all these celebrities having babies later and later people keep telling me that it isn’t too late. *eye roll* I’ve already blogged about that so back to subject.

I wouldn’t choose to be a single parent for anything in the world. It’s not easy being a single parent. Everything is put on you as the sole provider of love, comfort, education, discipline, nurturing, moral character building, food, shelter, support, clothing, etc. You need help whether you admit it or not. Then you have to work for a living and 9 times out of 10 jobs can be bastards when it comes to parents.

I know in my last position we had a single mother there who had 2 boys. She moved to a new neighborhood. Now she did all this on the weekend. She requested one week day morning off in order to register her kids for school. You know her supervisor told her no. That they couldn’t spare her cuz she was the early morning person. *confused shock* What the hell does that have to do with anything? She has to register her kids for school or be in violation of the LAW!

Yes, according to her she had plenty of sick and vacation time to use but her supervisor still told her no cuz it would inconvenience the office for a morning. *smh* But they have to give her vacation time off, what do they do when she’s gone a whole week? I never got the chance to find out becuz the woman ended up quitting. They did everything they could think of to get her to stay but I’m with her on that one. There are 4 other people in the office, one of them could have covered for her that morning or they could have just opened an hour late that morning. *smh* She ended up having to call in “sick” later that week so she could go get her children registered for school. *smh*

But if she had had a husband, then he could have gone and registered the kids for school. See what I mean? Help.

In that same office was a married woman with two small girls. Now for awhile there she was the one who went to pick up the kids whenever they got sick at school or the babysitter’s becuz she worked the closest. As soon as her husband got a job closer then they traded off. Sometimes he would go and sometimes she would go. It was a partnership. They were doing it together. They were help for each other. The wife could have easily said that since she had been doing it for the past 4 years her hubby could pick them up for the next 4 years but she didn’t. They agreed together to trade off.

It is what happens when you have kids. They leave home fine but 2 hours after they get to school or the sitter’s they are running a fever and need to come home. My single mom friends used up so much of their sick and vacation time that whenever they heard I was taking a stay-cation they would always guilt me into doing some things for them on my off days. It got so bad that I stopped telling my friends and family when I am taking a stay-cation until it is either over or just about over. *smh smiling*

I didn’t mind helping sometimes but sometimes I had personal things of my own to attend to. When I was driving, going to the MVA could be a two day odyssey. Once it was a 2 ½ day odyssey. All becuz nothing in the state of MD is linked. You get a ticket in Baltimore County they flag your license but you can’t pay at the MVA. Hell no! You got to go all the way out to Towson to pay the ticket and no they didn’t mail me shyt. Then once you pay in Baltimore County you have to come back to the MVA with your payment receipt to show that you have paid the damn ticket cuz even though you paid it there is no telling when that will update in their computer system. We pay both state income tax and 6% sales tax in Maryland for this piss poor computer system they have in place. *smh*

All that to say that sometimes I have things of my own to do and I don’t always either want to or have time to incorporate my single mom girlfriends’ errands into my life.

Still, I do feel sorry for them. It ain’t easy and I don’t believe that I would be a much better single mom.

I offer this as an example: When my niece and her husband were together I would watch their 4 kids when they took their couples’ weekend getaways. I would watch them at their house. Well, once my sisters asked could I bring the kids to church and they would take them to lunch. Well, I hadn’t brought any church clothes with me to my niece’s home so I got the kids dressed that morning and drove back to my place. I turned on the TV. Told the kids to watch TV and stay put until I showered and dressed. Took me less than 30 minutes. For real. I skipped the makeup and pulled my hair into a tidy little bun.

I left them watching Sesame Street. As soon as I got into the shower the younger girl, the nosey one, comes knocking on the bathroom door asking can she have some of my crangrape juice in the fridge. *mean eye* Ok…TV is in the living room. You gotta go through the dining room to get to the kitchen and then the heffa went into my fridge without asking. I caved immediately cuz I figured that would keep them busy until I got out of the shower. And it did.

But really thinking it over my answer should have been: NO! I told you to sit down in the living room and watch TV until I was dressed. I did not give you permission to a) get up b) go through MY HOUSE NOT YOURS BUT MINE and c) I definitely didn’t give you permission to go into my fridge. Becuz of all that sit your little tail down until I come out. At which time I am gonna wear your little tail out before church. But that would have delayed us further in getting to church. And had she been with my mother she definitely wouldn’t have gone out to lunch after church. Not her or anyone. Cuz she is the younger sister. Her older sister should have a) stopped her and/or b) snitched on her.

Sounds harsh don’t it? But that’s the way we were raised and we learned to respect other people’s property and to ask before using our parents’, nonfamily and non-immediate family members’ things. *chuckle* Now siblings’ belongings is a whole other post.

But I didn’t do that. I did what was easy. Why? Cuz I didn’t have any help. I didn’t have anyone to watch the kids while I got ready for church. That’s the problem with single parenting. There’s no one to trade off with.

I do sit back and judge my single mom friends rather harshly in their parenting skills and what they allow their kids to get away with. I guess I really shouldn’t cuz not a one of them has any help from their baby daddies.

It’s a lot easier to judge people sitting alone in my ivory tower. I’m a have to work on that.

Take MB3’s daughter Bonequisha. I believe that she had a baby so that she would have someone to love her. I know, doesn’t MB3 love her daughter? *head scratch* I don’t know. What I know is she has said the following to me more times than I can remember down through the years:

I love my daughter but if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t have had her.

You see Bonequisha’s father is a childish, selfish, egotistical, manipulative, philandering con artist. Nothing more. He’s in his 50s now and he has yet to evolve into more than what MB3 left behind over 20 odd years ago. I believe MB3 was on the verge of leaving him when she found out she was pregnant. It was her intention to abort but her mother talked her into having Bonequisha and thus bringing into being the instrument that MB3’s baby daddy would use to punish her for leaving him.

From the things he has done down through the years I believe that MB3 is probably the only woman to have ever left him. He has paid little to no child support, he barely saw his daughter no matter how much the child called and begged. If he by chance was staying with a woman who had kids then he would go get Bonequisha to babysit while he got some sleep when the mother went to work.

TRUE STORY: He was living with a woman who had a daughter. He pronounced this woman’s child to be Bonequisha’s sister since he was living with the woman. So he brought Bonequisha over to babysit her new little sister while he slept the Sunday away. When he woke up he and her little sister took Bonequisha home. As Bonequisha got out of the car and turned to say goodbye he told her he was taking her sister to dinner, a movie, and shopping. Bonequisha ran into the house crying her little eyes out.

That was not the last time he pulled that particular stunt either. There were other women down through the years with children. He always pronounced these children Bonequisha’s siblings and during the summer vacation months he would bring her to babysit while the women worked. *smh* I have no clue and pray I never get a clue what these women saw in him. He’s not aesthetically pleasing to my eye at all. I say that without prejudice cuz I’ve met pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside and can appreciate the outside in spite of who they are inside.

Anyway, I have too many stories of him doing that and other stuff like that to his own flesh and blood child. That child forgave him and adored him no matter what he did though. I know MB3 resented that. But MB3 refused to speak ill of him in front of her child. *chuckle* We barbequed him every chance we were able though. *smh* That’s ok, God does not like ugly. Bonequisha was barely 18 when he got lung cancer.

I believe he poured his resentment towards MB3 for leaving him into his treatment of Bonequisha. I believe MB3 poured her resentment at Bonequisha’s father onto Bonequisha.

MB3 gave Bonequisha every material thing she could…but I don’t remember her spending a lot of time with her daughter. I remember MB3 working, always working. If you got a chance to catch Disney’s The Princess and the Frog then I can tell you Tiana and MB3 are just alike in working themselves to death for what they want. But what they want isn’t necessarily what they need.

Then there were other things like MB3 never corrected her or her lying for her or never making her raise her own child. I would always ask MB3 would her parents tolerate such things to which she always replied no and continued to let her child go off completely on the wrong path.

*pause*

Almost like sabotage. Like she was trying to prove that no child sired by that man could turn out right.

*Epiphany moment*

Then when Bonequisha had a baby of her own she thought that she would have someone to really love her…but she never did the hard work. See, she played with her baby and of course changed diapers but that’s not the hard work that bond parent and child.

Shoot! Kids love me cuz I play with them all. Chase them round outside and push swings and play games and all the stuff that their parents are too tired/or distracted to do. Kids see me and think here comes their favorite person to play with. But that is not parenting.

A parent and child bond is formed over 2, 3, 4, and 6 am feedings. It is formed over ER visits, immunization shots, colic, potty training, first day at the sitter’s/school. MB3 did all that for her granddaughter. Her granddaughter differs to MB3 as her mother and Bonequisha as her big sister. For a while there MB3’s granddaughter was actually calling her mommy and Bonequisha by her name. Bonequisha never corrected her, MB3 did. It was then I started to see Bonequisha resenting her daughter.

MB3 thinks it’s cute that Bonequisha’s daughter doesn’t like living with her mother and wants to stay with her as much as possible.

Bonequisha now has a second child and the second one is taking to MB3 in the same way. *smh* This little one is a mean one though. See Bonequisha didn’t want this second one and even thought of giving it up for adoption but the father talked her out of it and…they live together now. WOW! Full circle.

MB3’s mother was talked into having Bonequisha and Bonequisha was talked into keeping her second child. *smh* There’s a lot of hell going on in those homes. This second one don’t smile for anyone but MB3 and she doesn’t mind anyone but MB3 either. MB3 loves that power.

WOW! *head clearing shake*

I’m starting to see MB3 in a completely different light. I always wondered why someone who seemed to be so nice didn’t progress…didn’t do better. Especially with how hard she worked/works. I thought it was only natural that she would have a little resentment toward Bonequisha for the way she treated her when she was bedridden after her accident but typing this now and really seeing the years I’ve know her clearly I see some things that I just never saw before.

I don’t even know what to say or think now…suddenly, I’m not mad at Bonequisha anymore. Suddenly, I feel sorry for her. It’s like she never really had a chance. She’s been stuck between these two resentful people her whole life and her extended family isn’t much better. Her cuzins are jealous of her material belongings. See her mother handed down all her old clothes and toys to them…there are just too many stories.

Too many!

And my head is reeling! I’ve always thought the victim in all this was MB3 but I am starting to feel like the victim in all this is really Bonequisha. And now she has children of her own to repeat the cycle of resentment. Cuz Bonequisha resents her mother AND her own children now.

WOW!

Gotta go! I got a lot to think about.

*smh at monitor*

Dr. Phil’s Dating Show

So I took a day off so that I could have an extended holiday for the Memorial Day weekend and I caught Dr. Phil’s Dating show. His guest was Steve Harvey, author of the book Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. This show was very interesting. *shrug* To me anyway.

They showcased two women, one black the other white, who were having trouble finding a man. They sent the two women out with dates and recorded the date to critique what the women were doing wrong.

They critiqued the white woman. But when we got to the black woman *snicker* there didn’t seem to be much critiquing going on. I think it had something to do with how her date went. *chuckle*

The black woman was an attractive, articulate woman with one child. Her date was a black man named TC, father of two boys, and an aspiring author. *side MF eye* TC says he is writing a book about the sexual relationships of “Afro-American men and women”. Yes, he pronounced it just like that. There wasn’t a thing articulate about TC. When she asked him what TC stood for his response was “Total Control. You may have a chance to find out about that later.” *bouncing in chair laughing* In one fell swoop, TC explained to the world why so many black American women are unmarried. *snort, snicker, chuckle*

Thank you, TC, wherever you are. You just validated me in my feeling that there aren’t a lot of good black men out there despite what most black men keep saying. Cuz if he was the best Dr. Phil could find with all his resources, what are my chances?

TC is typical of the black guys I’ve been meeting. The first date they are trying to figure out how soon until they get you into bed. Of course they’ll respect you and still call you tomorrow if they sex you on the first date. *rolls eyes* There seems to be this race on to use and discard as many black women as you can among a lot , NOT ALL, but a lot of the black men I keep meeting.

I mean I’ve met some nice black guys that for one reason or another we just weren’t compatible. But I’ve met a lot more TCs and we were not compatible at all. *smh*

Not just me either, but my friends and acquaintances seem to be running into more and more TCs. Even a coworker of mine and she’s white! There was always this belief among black women that white women always got the best of the best black men. Now they got the same chances as the rest of us to end up with a TC. *smirk*

The show was supposed to show women having trouble finding the right man how to improve their chances. Again, there was no critique for the black woman. So how is a woman like her supposed to find a good black man?

As the show finished up I wondered when someone would write a self help guide for black men on how to be the men that black women want…then I realized that they wouldn’t read it if you wrote it. As long as they continue to believe that they are all good men and black women are just evil and bitter they won’t be changing anytime soon. Sad. Very sad.

This reminded me of a male friend of mine, let’s call him Terrence. He is a great guy all around, a gentleman, funny, has no kids and he’s gainfully employed. We are both in our 40s. We met in college and we were buddies then. I thought of him as a brother. Whew, back in college his was FINE! But he didn’t think of me in those terms and I settled into the friend zone. He doesn’t have the six pack he had in college but he is still a very attractive man. Heck, I’d do him if he moved me out of the friend zone AND IF…I didn’t know what I know about him.

See, Terrance has slept with MCB…and she said he was horrible. Well, that was back in college. We lost touch not too long after college and then reconnected a few years ago. He is still single. He says that every girlfriend he has ever had has cheated on him. When I told MCB she said she would too if she was his girlfriend. *shocked face* I told her that maybe she should tell him when he called her, cuz he was trying to reconnect with her. She said nope. When I pressed she told me to tell him.

Now, I know me telling him that she said he was a terrible lover would have probably ended him so of course I refused. I feel bad for him and with everything he has going for him if he could just improve in that one department he could find and keep a good woman.

TFO and I brought the subject up to TPL. TFO was having the same problem with the guy she was seeing. TPL being a black man we sought out how to tell them. He basically confirmed that I definitely couldn’t tell Terrance and that TFO shouldn’t tell her man either. He said you had to leave them with their dignity. *confused face*

Dignity is a very cold bedfellow. Wouldn’t you think? I’d hate for my sex skills or kissing skills, or conversation skills, or anything that I can improve on be the only reason I don’t keep a man. All it takes is someone who knows to tell it.

I was telling a coworker about it and she suggested that I sleep with him. No. Thank. You. First, he has me in the friend zone and I am quite happy to be there. I thought about it. He’s 42! I can’t believe that in all those years not one woman has brought his inadequacies in the sex department up to him and he hasn’t changed. So the question is: Has he not changed becuz he doen’t believe them or becuz he just can’t or doesn’t know how? If he doesn’t know how *smirk* I can help with that. I got plenty of patience. But what if the problem is that he doesn’t believe them or he feels that he can’t improve or won’t try?

One of the few things I know for sure in life is that you CANNOT make a black man do anything he hasn’t made up his mind to do. And he has to make up his mind on his own to do it. So if his heart and mind ain’t into improving his sexual skills then ain’t a thing me or anyone else can do about it.

If that is true…then I would have slept with him for nothing more than a bad memory and our friendship would be over. *side eye* Nope! I’ll stay in the friend zone and pray for him. *shrug* That’s the best I got.

It just seems like you are not supposed to criticize black men. I mean I get it. The US of A hasn’t been particularly kind to non-Caucasians. I think Chris Rock said it the best I’ve heard it and I’m gonna paraphrase him cuz I don’t remember word for word but it goes something like this:

“America to black people is kinda like an uncle that molested you as a child but paid for your college education.”

Yeah. That’s about right. I haven’t traveled as extensively as I would have liked. I have a passport now and I am rectifying that as my salary and job allow. So far I haven’t been anywhere that I like as much as the US of A. Truth. Thus far in my travels I wouldn’t wanna be a citizen of any other country on the face of this planet.

But the US of A hasn’t been particularly kind to me and mine. Country Time Lemonade use to run commercials about the good old days. They look really lovely…shame I can’t claim any good old days. I look back on US history and there isn’t a time in known history that I would want to revisit wearing the skin I wear today. Hell, I ain’t crazy about living right now wearing the skin I’m in.

Saying that, I know black men have it hard…but so do I and I have to listen to the criticism. I have to examine myself and see if I am guilty of the criticism leveled at black people and especially black women every moment I draw breath. I seek the betterment of me, myself, and I.

It is by no means easy. There are a lot of lies and half truths being tossed about. I seek knowledge and truth…even if it isn’t pleasant. Even if the unpleasant truth is about me. You can’t grow and change for the better if you aren’t examining yourself and doing the hard work. Ya know?

So, if me and every black woman born and yet to be born gotta do it then why don’t black men? I am not allowed to be a fragile little flower that can’t stand the light of bright, burning truth. Why do black men get to hide in the shadows of lies and half-truths? Why do I have to protect him and his ego? When do the words I and my sisters speak become truth to them and not just bitter lies? When do black men accept responsibility along with me for the good, the bad, and all that is ugly within the black American community?

*head scratch* Yeah, I know, a lot of questions. I wish I had some answers.

MB3 Update

Well, it too 3 prods but she finally sent me her unemployed friend's email and he got right back to me that he didn't think he was qualified.  So that is something.

... Still though...ruminating on something.  Will update soon.

My Best Baltimore Buddy (MB3)

So I went to lunch Sunday 5/16/10 with MB3. I haven’t seen her or been out with her this year. She works for an accounting firm and as such after the first of the year her life is a whole lot of crazy. We keep in contact during these first 4 months of the year by either phone or text. *shrug* That’s life.

She is one of my few remaining friends who are always bemoaning their lives. I long since stopped trying to get them to see the sunshine in their lives. They are always thinking it’s raining on them so I let them. I’ve tried until I was broken and tired myself. I was expending so much energy on trying to get them to be happy that I was neglecting myself. So I stopped. Now I just let them rain on themselves.

I make sure I let them know I got problems too so that they can go on thinking that we are good miserable company together. *shaking my head* You know I’m blessed and don’t fall into that mess but every so often. Everyone, including me, throws a pity party from time to time. But after a few hours my pity party is over and I remember where I’ve been and where I am and I am ashamed and pick myself up, dust myself off and get back to living.

So, I get myself in the mood to listen to her latest troubles. Well, her daughter (24-25 years old) has been laid off. *side eye left, side eye right* Her daughter is young and mouthy. In my early 20s you couldn’t tell me a whole lot of shyt either before I would be quitting my job. <--- Did you read that sentence right? The operative word there is QUITTING. They didn’t fire me. Half the time they didn’t know they had gotten to me until after I quit. When you seem to be in a good mood like I do most of the time people never really know whether they are plucking my nerves until I’m gone.

My work ethic is that I am going to do the best job I can with the tools my employer gives me in the time that I contracted to be on the job. If I find that I cannot tolerate something on the job, I will bring it up to the powers that be. If they tell me, as people have more times than I feel like going into, to suck it up this is the job then it is up to me to take it in stride accordingly…until I find a new job. That is all. I am not going to catch an attitude. I am not going to shirk my duties. I am not going to do a lot of the unprofessional things I have seen people do when their job pisses them off.

I will, however, throw every bit of my free time and energy into finding a new job. In all instances, people realize after I am gone that they should have listened to me and that employees with my work ethic DO NOT GROW ON TREES!

People do not raise their children like my mother and countless other parents of her generation raised me and countless others in my generation. Therefore, these children in adult bodies entering the workforce now are going to take some retraining. *chuckle* Good luck with that.

One of these children in adult bodies is MB3’s daughter. She is an only child and she is what I call spoiled rotten and her mother isn’t done spoiling her. Sad to say but oh so true. Her daughter is lazy and doesn’t want to work.

*shrug* I can relate. I don’t want to work either but I got to eat, sleep, and shyt and I need a home to do it in and I don’t have anyone working for me but me so off to work I go.

MB3’s daughter on the other hand has her mother and she works the hell out of her mother and her mother lets her.

In the beginning, I felt sorry for MB3 until I realized that this was her child, her home, and she seemed to need or want the drama. *shrug* So I stopped offering advice that she wasn’t gonna take and just shut up and listen.

But her daughter is starting to wear her out. *smh* I feel sorry for her daughter when she does. I foresee an early grave for MB3. And this is why.

Supposedly, MB3’s daughter was laid off. Now, MB3’s daughter, let’s call her Bonequisha is living in her grandparents paid for home. She pays MB3 rent to live there with her live in baby daddy, her two daughters and his two sons. Every now and again the baby daddy’s other son comes to visit, too, but his momma has custody of him.

The financials of Bonequisha’s home before she was “laid off” were this. She was bringing home $1500/month and getting WIC for her girls. Baby daddy had a job plus a sideline job plus a check for his two boys (their momma is a drug addict and does not contribute to their welfare at all – gotta love the government) plus food stamps, but he does pay child support for the son who lives with his momma.

Still they were living pretty flush. They weren’t paying nearly what they should have been paying to live in a 3 bedroom home with finished basement and a washer/dryer. They were going out to eat 2-3 times a week. Neither of them has a car so MB3 was driving them around to shop, groceries, outings, etc. Yes, I am totally serious.

True Story: Baby daddy (30 odd years old), let’s call him LaCantrelle, had had a headache for 3 days. They informed MB3 that they needed to go to the ER. She drove them and came back and picked them up.

She is their ambulance, hack, taxi service and school bus driver. She drops the kids off in the morning and uses her lunch hour to pick them up from school every day…all 4 of them. When they were flush they gave her not one thin dime of gas money. I guess they thought the rent that was at least $500 cheaper than what others were paying on the block was enough to cover it. *shrug* Not my problem.

So now that Bonequisha is “laid off” I asked MB3 over lunch had her unemployment kicked in. MB3 started stuttering. That’s when I knew she had been fired and MB3 was about to lie for her daughter yet again. MB3 has been doing it since Bonequisha was a child so I’m use to it by now.

Unemployment denied Bonequisha’s application becuz the employer said they let her go with cause. Maryland is an at will employment state, however, if an employer lets you go without cause then the employer has to pay your unemployment.

I asked did they have proof. MB3 said no. So I asked did she appeal. She said she will. Then she went on to say that they were picking on her daughter blah blah blah. Same shyt I have been hearing for years. Bonequisha is an innocent little lamb and everyone is always picking on her. Whatever.

So now Bonequisha is sitting home on her azz doing nothing from the sounds of it. LaCantrelle is working and carrying it all and he does not like it one bit. Problem is that he really doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

When Bonequisha met him he was living with his parents in their home, with his sister and her children and his children. Bonequisha’s oldest daughter, my brilliant goddaughter, said it was noisy down there and she didn’t like going there. I can just imagine.

I imagine that they have stretched out on the old home front and wouldn’t be enthusiastic about him coming back. His oldest son has abandonment and food issues. Remember his two boys’ momma is a drug addict. I can’t begin to imagine the hell that they have been through in their young lives. The oldest one overeats, is scared to be left anywhere, lies a lot, is disrespectful and mouthy. He caused a lot of problems at his grandparents’ home.

Yeah, I don’t believe LaCantrelle has too many options. He’s a black man working, true, but he’s also a black man with 4 kids. If he left Bonequisha he would be paying child support for 2 kids now and caring for 2 others. *smh* N*ggas really need to learn to keep it in their pants or lobby for birth control for men. *shrug* IJS

I don’t pry so I didn’t ask but I figure that MB3 has reduced their rent. MB3 is now looking for a part time job to help her daughter out. *long pause full of eye rolls and smh* Yup, that’s what MB3 told me. I wished her luck.

Anyway, I think our friendship is at a conclusion and this is why. She has a buddy, let’s call him Leroy, who worked with her. Due to some misunderstanding between him and one of his superiors he was fired from their job. He had been there 10+ years. He always did a good job and MB3 says he only did what another superior told him to do. That superior denied any wrong doing on her part so they fired Leroy.

He didn’t steal or do anything illegal but he did make a huge error. He’s been out of work for awhile now and since he was fired for cause he hasn’t been able to draw unemployment. He has one child and is one of those fathers actually up to date on his child support payments. He doesn’t just spend money on his child but he spends TIME with his child. And he has a crazy baby momma. I’ve met the heffa, she’s good and crazy.

Why do all the good men end up with crazy baby mommas/girlfriends/wives/boyfriends? I thought the opposite of nice was mean but evidently it is crazy cuz that’s what nice people seem to attract. Crazy.

Anyway, we’ve got an opening at my job that I thought might be a good fit for him so I told MB3 to tell him to send me his resume. That was 5/16/10.

As of today, 06/02/10, I still don’t have his resume. Thursday, 5/27/10, I asked MB3 was Leroy interested in the job. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. It’s possible she forgot to mention it. I sent her a text to jog her memory in case she did. With her cell in her hand she could just forward my text to him. Instead, she asked me did we have any admin positions open. *suspicious expression*

NOW, if she is asking for herself, fine. She has a FANTASTIC work ethic and her boss treats her like crap. I’d sing her praises should anyone ever call me for a job reference for her. I met her on a temp job. I can vouch for her excellent work ethic cuz I’ve seen it in practice. The people from her last job still miss her. They’ve lost work becuz they were too stupid to realize what a good employee they had.

Her current boss started taking her for granted years ago. I’ve been lobbying for years for her to find a new job but she never listens to me. She just complains. *shrug*

If she is asking for her daughter, Bonequisha? OH HELLS NO! Go back and read my description of this child again if you don’t understand why I wouldn’t recommend her for a job in a pie factory. The job she just got fired from she got becuz of her cuzin. So no, I will not be sticking my neck out for Bonequisha. *smh* It ain’t gonna happen.

Luckily, there are no admin jobs available at present and I told her so. So she asks me, what are the qualifications? Ok, I wasn’t texting all that. I gave her the link to the job website and told her to tell him to take a look. That was Thursday. I still don’t have his resume.

*side eye* I am going to give it time but if she doesn’t get me his resume then I know she has really fallen off the friendship track. That she truly is no one’s friend but her daughter’s. That would be fine if the child deserved it.

Bonequisha is one of the most selfish, lazy, spoiled people I have ever met. The stories I could tell. But I’ll tell only one.

A few years ago, MB3 was in an accident. Bonequisha would have been 20-21 then. She lived at home with her mother rent free. Do you know MB3 called me at work to ask me could I bring her something to eat becuz there was nothing in the house to eat.

??????????????????????????????????????????

HOW IN THEE HELL DO YOU HAVE A GROWN AZZ DAUGHTER IN YOUR HOUSE RENT FREE AND THIS LITTLE SELFISH AZZ BYTCH CAN’T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE FOR YOU?

Bonequisha was eating. She was working. She made sure she and her daughter ate but she didn’t bring home anything for her own mother who she was leaching off of to eat.

Wouldn’t you know it, my car wasn’t working so I went grocery shopping and had to catch a hack over to her house. I brought her groceries and a prepared sub sandwich, chips and a soda. She ate half before her daughter got home from work. When her daughter saw what her mother was eating she asked for some. MB3 went to offer her the other half and I said NO! I brought it for your mother since you couldn’t bring her anything to eat. MB3 insisted she wasn’t hungry anymore and offered it to her daughter to keep it from going to waste. *smh*

She denied that child nothing as she raised her and this was how she repaid her mother. *smh* I still can’t get over it. Best birth control in the world is watching how this child treats her own mother.

My mother needed us to cook and clean for her for the last few years of her life. We all said together that one mother raised 4 daughters so there was no reason why 4 daughters couldn’t take care of one mother.

Bonequisha couldn’t give a rats azz about her own mother. *smh* I don’t understand how that happens. And still her mother keeps giving and giving and giving.

But she can’t look out for Leroy? Yeah, if I don’t get his resume or an explanation that he wasn’t interested from her then we are through.

That’s not a friend and I don’t need that type of person in my life.

*smh* You know, I knew that I would lose my male friends in my life as we grew older but I never expected to lose my female friends, too. *smh*

*tips water bottle at monitor*