I’m about to drop a womanly secret and I am wondering what will happen if I do? Will the cosmos come after me and punish me? Will my Woman Card be revoked and I end up a transgendered eunuch? Or will absolutely nothing happen cuz it is just possible that no one will ever read this little blurb? *shrug*
Let me start with what transpired that got me on this subject. A chick I once worked with and I have kind of struck up a friendly association of sorts. Let’s call her Buffy. *smirk* I don’t tell her anything and she tells me everything. *chuckle* Anyway, I get a text from her first thing one morning and thru a series of text messages I get the latest drama going on in her life.
See, a several months ago she met this guy. They went out on a date and…you know what? I blogged about her briefly in my HIV/AIDS rant. She’s that chick. This is the guy she slept with on the first date. Well, they’ve been dating ever since. He was homeless and sleeping on friends’ couches when she met him. Now she told me at the time that she was not going to allow him to move in with her. She said that. She did. She did. She really did!
So in June she told me that they were now discussing marriage. I thought that was a big leap for people who hadn’t known each other quite 6 months yet, but I said nothing. I let her talk. *shrug* I’ve heard of happy endings in such a short time of dating but I had my doubts about this but I kept them to myself. I let her shine cuz she was really happy.
Then he tells her that he lied when he said he wanted to get married. He had never discussed marriage before and he just wanted to know what it felt like to talk about it.
*Jaw drop accompanied by blank stare*
I am trying to find the words for the way I felt when I read this text and I just can’t. I know I stopped breathing for a few seconds and my mind went blank. And that was actually a good thing becuz since I had no response she could finish her story.
So that was on a Friday. She said she thought she felt ok about it but come Monday the damn broke and she’d been crying ever since. *sympathetic head shake* I could just imagine. By this time now I am getting pissed for her and my mind is thinking some truly vile, evil things about this guy and what should be done to him. But still I am silent. I let her speak on.
I asked her had they talked and she said yes and that she keeps breaking down and crying. She said he found it annoying.
*blinkity blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink, etc.*
My thought processes went something like this: “What the…who the…I…BLANK*
She asked me did I think she had a right to be crying and emotional right now. I was like FUK YEAH! On the inside. On the outside I said something calm and logical to the affect that yes she did have a right to her feelings. She thought she was building a relationship with someone who wanted the same things out of life that she did. She thought she had found the person who she wanted to share her life with and who felt the same about her. To find out now that he was lying was quite cruel. I told her perhaps she should take some time to cry and get her emotions under control. That perhaps she shouldn’t speak to him again until the weekend.
That was when she dropped the real bomb: He’s living with her so she has to see him.
I felt like saying, Bytch, what? This MFer is still living in your home (she’s buying her house) after that shyt he just said? Alive? And not in pieces buried in the backyard, under the front steps, at the dump and various other places I could think of? WTF???? This would be considered a crime of passion and you probably wouldn't even see the inside of a jail cell!
What I actually said I have no idea. I think I blocked it out but I know it wasn’t any of the above. As a matter of fact I think I totally blanked on responding to the fact that she had let this homeless MFer move in with her. So I let her cry it out to me.
So I talked to HKS to make sure I was right in my feeling even if I didn’t speak ill of The One Who Should Be Dead to Buffy. She confirmed my feelings and gave me a little something to take back to Buffy that went like this: You know, I have never had you living in my home before. I let you move in so that I could see what that was like but I was lying and I don’t want you living with me anymore. *tears of laughter*
So I passed this onto Buffy and her text response verbatim:
He is staying with family tonight. Just paranoid that he is going to leave me.
Yeah…I never did answer her. Didn’t know if I would ever talk to her again. Cuz my mind said: You dilly, low self-esteemed bytch! Six months ago this MFer didn’t have a place to lay his head. He has family that took him in tonight but this bytch can’t live with them. He had friends that let him sleep on their couches for a few nights but AGAIN nobody wanted to let his azz live with them. If you really want his azz you can pretty much order this MFer to marry you or be fukking homeless again. I’m betting his annoyance is feigned to cover up for really being scared that he’s about to be homeless again. That’s it. He’s scared you are about to put his azz out on the curb and he’s gonna have to start bouncing from couch to couch again. If his azz is lucky cuz you have no idea if he’s burned any bridges since moving in with you! But you are worried that HE is gonna leave YOU? WTF aren’t you helping his sorry azz pack?
I tossed my cell phone down and walked away in disgust instead of saying any of that. Watch her azz end up on Judge Joe Brown or some damn body. *smh*
But I didn’t talk bad about her…man? Whatever he is I didn’t say anything negative to her about him. Becuz what I know is that after telling me all this and getting me all worked up she would and ultimately did take this MFer back. She at least was admitting it. I’ve had friends who swore off their men time and time again. And time and time again they took their men back. *shrug* It just is what it is. And it’s nothing new. Have you read or seen A Streetcar Named Desire, Eve’s Bayou, or some other movie, book or play where this happens? Those are cases of art imitating life.
But if you are the friend that talked bad about your girlfriend's man guess who is the bad friend? And these women will tell their men which of their girls told them to dump him. Now he mad and hating the girlfriends for just reacting to what HIS WOMAN said.
And uh ladies? If you are doing this mess in hopes that your man won’t ever hook up with one of your friends you can stop thinking that. Dyck neither loves nor hates. It just strokes and ejaculates.
What made me decide to write about it was that one of the guys in my TT was going OFF about his girlfriend’s friends one day. They bitter. They ugly. They this, that and the other. I was cracking up cuz what he didn’t seem to realize was that his girlfriend’s friends are just going in on what HIS GIRLFRIEND told them. *smh*
I am just truly amazed that everyone always goes in on the outside women. No one ever goes to the source. If your man is cheating don’t go to the other woman (or man as the case may be) you should check your man. If your girlfriend’s friends got too much to say about your relationship don’t check the friends check your woman. Period. That is all. *chuckle*
Chile, I was just mad I didn’t have any popcorn cuz my TT was hot! He went on a rant for more than a minute! *LOL* I just kept sitting there hitting the refresh button. *LOL* And these folks are in their 30s and have yet to learn these very simple little facts.
I learned back in college to keep my mouth shut when it came to my girlfriends and their men.
My best story belonged to Lisa. See, Lisa and I both came from a working class family. Our parents couldn’t afford to pay for our college education, books, room and board etc. like most of the friends in our circle. We were still very different but our socio-economic background was similar.
Anyhoodles, around our junior year Lisa settles into a romance with a whore. The only thing that pissed me off about this was that she was letting him drive her car and I know how hard she had worked and scrimped to get that car. But again, I kept my mouth shut.
Our other friends thought she should be told. As is my way, I went along for the ride. I sat in a corner while they spilled the beans on all the whoring he had been doing and I said not one word. It wasn’t a conscious decision to keep my knowledge to myself becuz I actually I knew one of the girls he was whoring with. I saw him coming out her bedroom with my own two eyes. The look on his face was priceless when he saw me by the way.
So they told Lisa. Lisa ran back to her man and asked him was it true. Lisa came back and told them what he told her: You bitter heffas (he actually inserted my friends’ names) need to mind your own damn business. Get your azz a man and stop being in everyone else’s business. The shyt is lies. Blah blah blah blah.
Same stuff I have been hearing ever after. *smh* I heard about it from my friends after she gave them an earful cuz my name wasn’t mentioned. Becuz I didn’t have shyt to say.
Do you know that MFer had the nerve to try to fuk me a few weeks later? Then told me I needed to grow up when I turned his azz down and gave him my reasons for turning him down. *smh* I still can’t believe I had to explain to him why I wouldn’t fuk him. Whatever. Water not just under the bridge but out to sea by now. Given the chance he would have fukked every one of the vocal friends too, I am sure.
I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen this mess replayed over and over. Ain’t a thing new under this here sun. *sigh* I’m tired. Thinking of cutting loose the women in my life cuz I swear, I’m tired of this shyt.
I always thought it strange that my mom didn’t have any girlfriends. As I get older I am seeing the wisdom of that. I wonder how I’d do as a hermit?
I like my drama to be fictional and not coming through my phone, computer screen or walking through my door.
*waves tiredly at the monitor*
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