Random sex thoughts

So I am snowed in with no peen so forgive me for constantly bringing up BallerAlert.com. They are helping me stay sane. *chuckle*

BallerAlert.com topic: How long is too long? In other words, how long is too long to have sex? I was surprised at some of the answers. A youngun said 30 minutes is too long. WTH?

I said 20 minutes is long enough but then I am 42 but ain’t a dang thing wrong with 30 minutes or more of sex. I mean you change positions and…*lick lips* stuff.

In my 20s, we would be finishing as the sun came up. We use to be at it all night. I can probably still go all night but men in my dating age range usually can’t…heart attacks and such. Probably just as well.

I had a young man step to me talking about he had about 15 minutes in him. He was 24! WTFH!!!!????? *snicker* The whole time he was talking I was trying to figure out how I was gonna get some beads up his butt so he’d hang on longer. Most black men that I have dealt with are homophobic and don’t want you to play with their butt. But if all he had was 15 minutes in him then I was gonna introduce him to butt beads.

It didn’t work out becuz I could not get past the fact that his father had tried to date me first. When his father was trying to date me his son would have been about 15. Jail bait. I know he isn’t now but I just couldn’t get past that. *smh* No, his father never got the chance. His father just tried.

*cell buzzes, pauses to check messages*


*thoughtful smirk*

O…k, why did he who was nameless just call and leave me a voicemail? Why am I tempted to call him back and invite him over? And his name is Tim. *chuckle*

*shakes fist at ceiling* Come on Momma Nay, ease off the snow before I end up pushing out a big headed baby come November/December. Yezzzzz, I use condoms but with my luck...

*opens bottle of wine and stares at his number for awhile*

I’m back! That was two days ago. *chuckle* I actually don’t have any condoms in the house. Besides that he stopped calling a couple weeks ago. Thought he got the message. If he’s calling up in the middle of a blizzard he must need somewhere to crash. Yeah that’s what I believe and no I am not giving him the benefit of the doubt. There was almost zero visibility outside. If he’s trying to hook up with me during the storm he is either horny, lonely, hungry or all of the above. I say ‘is’ cuz he’s still calling.

I got a touch of cabin fever and Raul *sniff* hasn’t been replaced, yet. I’ll be alright. *lol* Yes, I am very hard on men. *shrug* Life’s hard. That’s just the way it is sometimes. Perhaps if he hadn’t been so brutally, stupidly honest…*sigh* Oh well.

My neighbor finally got his girlfriend out. *chuckle* I thought he had gotten rid of her after the Super Bowl but then they forecast Tuesday’s blizzard. I guess he decided he needed her and her CAR back. But last night as he was digging his way to her car he was cussing and fussing to his roommate helping. He said and I quote “You get up and don’t put your azz in the tub then you got to get the f*ck out!”

I was sitting in my living room at the time and I just quietly got up and went back to my bedroom so that I could laugh myself silly. Cuz if I could hear him cussing and fussing through the windows then he would hear me laughing at his dilemma. And I got to live next door to his azz. So I chose discretion for a change.

Oh. My. Damn.

She is trifling but he is just as trifling for putting up with that mess. He knew her azz was trifling before they got snowed in on Friday. But he used her car to go pick up his new mattress and then get supplies for the first storm and Super Bowl. Then she didn’t wanna go home. *LOL*. Then Sunday they forecast another blizzard and back to the store in her car they went. I guess by Thursday he couldn’t take the funk anymore. PEW!

I don’t understand that concept. How in the world as an adult you are going to be sexually active with another person and lie around and not clean yourself? Is there another more severe word than nasty or trifling? *shiver* Ech! Nasty azzes! I say azzes cuz I would be willing to bet money that he had sex with her dirty butt more than once over the last 7 days.

I bet she got Trichomonas, Chlamydia and a host of other things in her…stuff. Coochay is good clean vagina. She got stuff. *shiver* Ew!

Next topic!

BA also hipped me to a new holiday that I wanna put on blast. It’s a holiday just for the fellas, and us ladies who enjoy pleasing the fellas this way. It’s on March 14th and its called Steak & BJ Day. *uncontrollable giggles for a minute*

Does Hallmark know? There is marketing for this. I swear someone out there is about to make a mint if they can figure away to get this past the TV censors. Its perfect timing. Its one month after Valentine’s Day, which men constantly complain is all about us. Truth, I very rarely hear women say what they are getting their men for V-Day. So I think Steak & BJ Day is the perfect holiday to celebrate the man in your life. This is also an incentive for him to remember V-Day and do it up just like you like it so that you’ll reciprocate on March 14th. HI-LAR-EE-US! Check out the website here: http://www.steakandbjday.com/

Just remember ladies, if your man doesn’t eat red meat then there is ham steaks, steak fish, turkey steaks. Get creative. If he is a true vegan then there’s eggplant. I find eggplant really does have the consistency of meat when cut thickly.

Just have good safe fun everyone and pray I am back at work Monday. I gotta find myself someone worthy to get under/ride before the next snowstorm blows through Bmore.

*glances up at wobbling halo*


*halo cosigns this*