Beware! Black men are on their periods this month.

So it is time for another internet hiatus. *chuckle*  Some ish has popped off online that all started on November 1.  I was over on OHN and some drama went down and now the owner is shutting down/selling his site.

*blink blink*

It all stemmed from a letter that was supposed to be from an anonymous reader to the Men’s Round Table.  Come to find out one of the men on the RT did it to put his girl on blast.  His girl is also part of the OHN community.  The RT dumped on her without knowing who they were dumping on.  Her friends came out to defend her.  Then she defended herself and then the bf outed himself and it all went downhill from there.

Then Beth took it upon herself to bring up our supposed to be secret ladies group and threw the bitches word out there.  A word I wear with pride when I need to but whatever.  Until I can ask for and receive what I ask for without being a bitch I don’t mind being called one. *shrug*  Fugs to give about that word equal zero.  However, the way she did it was uncalled for.  Then it came out that we STILL have a snitch among the women.  We think we've found her but we won’t know for sure unless more info of our goings on are leaked.  It has just been a mess for the past four days.  The snitch was feeding Beth word for word and Beth was calling Stan.  A BIG OLE MESS!

I posted in our supposed secret group that someone needs to let Stan know that he needs to check Beth if he is really trying to sell the site with its readership intact and then I dipped out.  Let the smoke clear and the dust settle.  Beth over on Twitter talking about she wants to punch someone. *smh*

I’m like wow!  And she keeps making references to our group as a cliche.  I’m like, yeah.  There are plenty of cliches on OHN.  You fall in with who you fit in with.  She wouldn't fit in with our group.  She use to be a nice person but I've noticed over the last year that she is turning mean and really bitter.  I’m attributing it to her son growing up and cutting those apron strings whether she wants them cut or not.

She’s in our cooking group and we were talking about what we were making for dinner one evening.  She made a comment that she hadn't been cooking much.  She said the last time she cooked her son didn't bother to come home.  I’m like, he’s 20 get use to that.  It maybe what is making her so mean this past year or it may be something totally unrelated that I know nothing about.  But truly it has been a mess.

I’m like, really people are this messed up because we got a secret group.  Everyone in the group ain’t even OHNawlers so again I didn’t see the big deal.  I’m part of two other secret groups and I don’t mention what goes on in those groups with the women and vice versa.

But now that I’m home with my feet up, I’ve had some time to put things into perspective.  Now I ain’t saying this is what is happening but it would make a lot more sense than what seems to be going on.  I was sitting here thinking what if the drama is being pumped up to up readership so that he can get a good price for his site?  If that is true, I ain’t even mad.  He has a young family and we are in a recession.  Black folks are always the hardest hit financially whenever the economy takes a downturn.  And we are the last to recover financially.  Though we spend more money. *smh*

So if that is what is up then my peacekeeping butt needs to have a seat.  If not then I need to lie down because this ish is completely uncalled for.  Because the drama over our little group has been ongoing for more than a minute.  This ain’t the first time Beth has said something about us.  Since she isn’t the topic most of the time her source(s) are lying azz lying to her. *smh*

It amazes me that adults can be so… petty about such a simple thing as a group of ladies who have things in common who have their own meeting place.  We ain’t the only OHNawlians with our own secret group.  Heck!  TDP got his own secret group.  He and I don’t get along so it phases me not that I am not invited to join.  That’s why I don’t understand why Beth has been so upset about the group.  When she talks about what happens between her and the OHNawlians she does get along with on gchat, text, etc nobody is mad.  That’s why I am so confused about this animosity toward our little group.

And I hope the chick(s) doing the flapping of the gums know what goes around truly does come back around.  We actually put our trust in each other to not spread around what goes on in there.  Not that we are doing anything that spectacular but we talk about personal stuff.  Fears, hopes, illnesses, family issues and the like.  We take turns buoying each other up.  And that is really awesome.  But the snitch(es) ought to be ashamed of themselves. 

Again, I’m a just chill and work on my book for NaNoWriMo.  I’m behind two days already.  I was just fine until Saturday and then I got lazy.  This is why I’m cutting this short so I can get back to work.

The drama don’t end there.  Me and TPL are on the outs but that is a post for another day.  Good thing I can play my zynga games on their website.

*tips water glass at monitor*

*blink blink*

I needed to mark this day in my personal little life history. Today CCW2 was not a pushover for CCW1.

We ordered in lunch today for the office. Busy time period right now. Any hoodles, CCW1 is broke as usual and walking around telling folk she is hungry and broke. But she has cable. Your priorities are screwed in my book when you are hungry but got cable. Naw!

So she borrowed money from me that I ain't seen in two years. So that means she can't get anymore out of me. Especially, not when her priorities are all screwed up.

Normally, CCW2 will help her out in these instances. CCW2 said NAW! And when CCW2 got her lunch, CCW1 was like "Oh I'm following you to get some of yours." CCW2 said "No you won't." Went into her office and shut the door.

*blink blink*

I was done. That is the first time I've seen that in four years. I mean CCW1 calls CCW2 at home to borrow money. And CCW2 always coughs it up. So today was a bit of shock for me. It needed to be remarked upon. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

CCW2 got some upsetting news from her child yesterday. She may just be upset about that now.  Still, that was ... WOW!

Just in case...

So this is about Crazy White Guy On My Job that I've blogged about before. Just click the link for a recap.

Well, my boss brought me into the office and told me he would be quitting and asked did I want to go ahead with the upgrade to financial analyst! YES! *dances around* I have been handling two accounts for a few months and just got a third. One account has closed and she is ready to assign me 3 more. So I'll have five and she's talking to HR about putting through my upgrade. This was a trial to see if a) I could handle it and b) did I want to handle it. CCW1 tried it and didn't like it. Me and her are two different people.  I don't have a college degree so there are a few extra steps to go through to be grandfathered into the position. *shrug*

So after our meeting she emails him that he needs to announce that he is quitting so that he can transition the two accounts that I will be taking over off to me. He was suppose to then put me in touch with the field personnel so they know who to contact now.  He ain't contacted not anyone in the field though he did send out an email to us here in Baltimore. He even says in his email that he is working to transition his work load off now. He ain't met with a soul or talked to anyone. *disappointed but not surprised sigh*

So my coworker who is at the same pay grade as me asks me has he talked to me yet. I said no. She was like, well that account is huge. It is a *tries to remain calm* multi-million dollar account. I told her: You know what? I know who the FA was who had the account before him and she is still here. I got her stuff and I'll just take my time and go month to month for the last 2 years that he's been monitoring it and clean it up. Because I know several of our subcontracts are over but he ain't closed a damn thing. *sighs*

So my coworker says: It is like he doesn't care. I responded: How many months have I been telling you he didn't care. Why did I say that? She went off about the problems this is gonna cause and blah blah blah. *shrug* It is what it is. I'm 44 years old and I've seen too much to ever be surprised by what people do when they refuse to accept responsibility for their part in their own failures. He probably thinks that if he doesn't leave me anything to track that I'll fail. In the God I serve there is no failure.

So he's been here over two years. There is no farewell party. And we don't think he has a job. Office rumor mill is that he got pissed after his latest mistake and quit in anger.

*wise old negro slave side eye*

Angry white men and job stress very often equals office shootings. So if I never post another thing or suddenly stop posting months or years later, just check Baltimore, MD news for office shooting and he probably got me. How many times have they reported in the news some angry white dude went back and shot up the job he ain't worked at in 2 or more years.

Death does not scare me. There are worse things in this life than just death. I know for certain I would be on his list. I stopped helping him last year sometime after he pissed me off. I have zero fuggs to give about it. My employer hired you because they felt you were smarter than me and could do a better job than me. Then do it! Otherwise get out of my way!

Like I posted last month, I've made some decisions about my life and need to make some moves. This ain't about anyone else but me and my livelihood. I don't lie or steal or throw people under the bus or even snitch. I do my job to the best of my ability and keep it moving. However, I ain't carry a single other soul who can stand on their own two feet. This is a place of business. We are not child laborers so do your job.

I have no sympathy for him because in the beginning I was showing him stuff, telling him the EMPLOYER PAID training classes he should take. And they are taken on company time so there is no reason an employee shouldn't have the training they need to do their job.

He had 90 days to decide this job wasn't for him. He could report to HR and say that this job ain't for him and HR would send him to interview for other jobs internally. I've seen it happen! So, he lolly-gagged but he's mad that I didn't bend over backwards to help him. Not when you make that much more than me puddin'. Nope. I do wish him the best and hope he lands on his feet so he doesn't come back and shoot up the place though.

CCW2 is wondering should we take off on his last day. *eye rolls* When it is your time to go then it is your time to go. Lord God willing, I'm a be right here on his last day.

*tips ginger ale bottle at monitor*

Stress...

Stress is a mutha chucka! *chuckles*

A lot going on but not necessarily with me. Just the folks around me. They keep trying to bring me stress at work and I keep looking at them like they are crazy. *shrug* This is my means to making my ends meet, not my life. People are trying to make this job their life.  And as usual I ain't.

I came back from vacation rested and two weeks out I am already run down again. Time for a change and I'm working on it wholeheartedly. I guess that is one of the reasons I am run down. Between writing and working towards a change for myself, I've been burning the oil to the wee hours of the morning. I don't see it changing any time soon. Not until I'm done getting to where I want to be.

I was on an eight day cruise. I slept the first two days. *chuckle* We got on board the ship by 1:30 pm and headed to lunch. By the time we were done with lunch our cabin was ready. By 2:30pm I was asleep. Woke up at 7pm went to dinner and came back to the cabin to go back to sleep.

Second day we were at sea all day so it was a repeat of day one with the intro of breakfast and an after breakfast stroll around the deck. By the time we hit the first port I was refreshed and ready to go sightseeing.

I just know that I need to make some moves in my life now. Ten years from now I cannot still be at this company or even working in Baltimore City. I cannot still be commuting around town and I cannot still be living on the cusp of the hood. I've made some decisions and I am starting to look at my options.

This journey called life, dear Lord in Heaven, it is something else. I wish I had it in me to communicate all the things I'm seeing and feeling right now. I am feeling every thing from able to zero. Any feeling or adjective you can think of from A to Z, I am/have feeling/felt and thinking/thought.

Through it all I just feel so blessed and fortunate. I didn't get what I wanted out of this life but I got so much more than I ever thought existed! It is a lot to take in and this feeling I have is doesn't have a name. It is a mix of joy, sadness, anger, arrogance, pity, rage, confusion, omnipotence, fear, dread, and something else unknown.

I have no idea where I'm headed but dang it has been an interesting journey so far. I ain't been happy with the whole ride but some of what I've seen has been astounding. I know if I hadn't been through Hell on Earth from time to time then I never would have seen or learned some things. What is even more amazing is that everyone hasn't experienced or seen some of the things I have. I mean some of this stuff I've seen repeatedly. Different participants but same situations but with differing and interesting outcomes.

For instance, I remember my mother telling me about a girl who went to her high school. She and her boyfriend were in love but there was another girl that wanted the guy. He wasn't interested in the other girl but the other chick not only picked a fight with his girlfriend but stabbed her to death. She said that the guy had to be restrained from killing the other chick. He yelled at her that he would hate her for life and wanted to kill her as she had killed the woman he loved and blurted out that she had been pregnant. They were gonna get married after graduation. She had ruined his life. Wow!

I must have been in Jr. High then because I was just amazed by that story. I thought it was an anomaly until I got to high school. I went to a HS that was so white you barely noticed the blacks. A thousand students and maybe 100 blacks spread out over all four grades. I think we had one Hispanic chick and an Asian or two.

Everyday this couple that me and my BFL nicknamed The Love Buzzards walked to and from school. We were teen-aged girls and we were being catty because *shrug* it is what happens until you learn better. Anyway one day we learned that the reason he walked her to school every day was because there was a girl at school that wanted him for herself but he wasn't interested in anyone but the girl he walked to and from school every day. So the girl and her friends would jump (beat up) her every time they caught her outside alone. *smh* So he made sure his girlfriend got to and from school safely every day because the crazy chick could not be reasoned with.

That's one. Then around my junior year a girl came to school who had been friends with my BFL in elementary school. She had developed cancer and had been home schooled for years until she had kicked cancer. N. is (and was last I saw her) a petite cute girl. Of course she found a boyfriend with ease! Again, one of the chicks (on the school bus at that) was angry because she wanted N's boyfriend for herself. N. had already had cancer, she was kind of fragile back then. She couldn't take an azz whipping. So she would get off the school bus at his school. Then they'd wait for me and my bff to show up and we'd all three walk to school. Back in the day, you did not fugg with me or my BFL alone let alone together. We weren't bullies but we were raised to defend ourselves IF ATTACKED. And everyone knew it. Shiiiiiiiiiiiid I was fighting boys in Jr. High so everyone knew I wasn't playing.

Then he'd walk down to our school to wait with her for the school bus in the afternoon. All because some chick could not take no for an answer. The boy told you he wasn't interested. Why are you fighting the girl that he chose? Crazy!

I've seen it happen in college and the craziest case yet with a former lunch buddy/acquaintance of mine. Her dude was cheating. She didn't know it though I saw the signs clearly. The other woman knew about her and where she lived. One day she is coming home from work and the other woman jumps out of the bushes and beats her azz. Now here is the kicker. The other woman KNEW SHE DID NOT KNOW HE WAS CHEATING. That was her crazy azz way of letting it be known, I guess. What it got her was a criminal record, fines, and time served over a man who was doing them both dirty. *smh*


I've got so many more stories of similar situations with different players. They taught me a lot about acceptance and being a graceful loser as well as winner. And don't cheat or knowingly be with a cheater.


Lots of drama going on, especially with CCW1 and I am so over her I doubt I'll bother to post it. My BFL has gone into hide mode. She don't know, I will be sitting on her doorstep. She better not test me. I know she wants to keep her husband but sometimes what you want is not what is best for you. *sighs*

A lot of upheaval on my job. These changes...*bland side eye* I'm going to do me and wherever the chips land, they land. I just pray my landing will be softer than it has been in the past. *chuckle*

We are planning MOS a surprise birthday party. So far it looks like it is going to be nice.

TPL and his brother are beefing because TPL didn't make it to his brother's 50th birthday party. I think the brother is right btw. All the things he has done for TPL down through the years, 3 cars bought and paid for and constantly bailing him out financially. He's paid rent, back bills, bought food etc. When I said that to TPL he said he should have since they are brothers.

*rapid blinks*

Ok, I may feed you, family, but I ain't buying your azz a car. Get on the bus or get to walking. His brother has bought and paid for THREE CARS FOR TPL! His brother made himself rich, not TPL. That entitlement  stuff is crazy. TPL didn't give him any loans or cosign for anything but he thinks he is entitled to his brother's help whenever he requests it. Which is annually. This year his brother let him swim on his own and TPL is pissed. His brother is hurt and understandably so. Normally, the sister-in-law tries to smooth things over. Well she called to get TPL's side of things and this time sided with her husband so TPL hung up on her too. *smh* Ungrateful azz.

Other than that God is Good and all is right with the world. *waves popcorn at the screen*

Like I said before, it is y'all not me.

What in the hayle is going on with folks?

So the insanity continues. *smh* Let’s see. My women’s group disbanded and reformed. This is what happened. I guess about 10 days ago there was a discussion on OHN about the comments that a comedian made about feeling like he was being raped at the gas pump. A woman in the audience took him to task over it and he made a comment back to her about wouldn’t it be funny if she got raped by the audience. Not sure why he thought that was a funny comeback. The backlash over it was news for a minute.

So we were discussing it more in my women’s group. Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks for me. I am starting the transition to a higher level position. I have transitioned most of my current duties to other people in the dept. Let me say that is a little nerve racking. You wonder are you really getting a promo or being let go. *chuckle* But I am now transitioning into the new position. A lot of meetings and getting up to speed on this new project. It has been going on for over a year so I’m learning who the players are here in Bmore and in that country. As well as learning what we are doing there, what we will be doing for the foreseeable future, etc. And they like physical meetings dang it! *chuckle* So I was there at the beginning of the discussion in our women’s group.

Sometime after I left the discussion it evidently got heated between the woman who moderates the group and TG.  The two of them have bumped heads a few times in the past.  So by the time I got home, had dinner, and got situated TG had been ejected from our women’s group. It gets worse.

So, I’m on fb and talking about it with the group moderator and we are all just trying to get over it and move on. Well next thing I know, TG posts on the group moderator’s wall. TG is over 30 years old. Too old for the foolishness I saw on the moderator’s wall. So I knew a couple of her friends were online so I hop over to the group and say one of them needs to pull her to the side because she’s about to have a very public fb meltdown. I left it at that and got offline.

This was the weekend of my BFL’s grandson’s baby shower. He was a premie so we did the shower after he came home from the hospital and finally got off all his monitors.  He’s a cute little fellow. Only thing fat on him is his cheeks but they say he eats well so I’m sure he’ll pick up the weight in no time.

So Saturday I was on the road all day.  Sunday I get online to find the group disbanded and the moderator has deleted her account. Good grief, TG done bullied the woman away from fb. A group of almost 40 women all getting along fine and all it took was one to take the group down. This is an awesome reminder about being extra careful about who you let in your life. Now TG is supposed to be a mental healthcare provider. O…kay.

So by the time I get online Sunday the other ladies in the group have talked extensively about reforming the group. I mean extensively. By the time I get on line to start reading the private messages back and forth I think I read to the 20^th comment and finally just skipped to the end to say I’m on board with restarting the group.  My muse was calling me. *chuckle* She has a lot of ideas she wants me to work on and all this drama was taking up my time trying to keep up with it. And truly it just ain’t that serious.

For real, the way the two of them bumped heads, I don’t know why when TG LEFT the group she didn’t just stay gone. The two of them don’t mix well at all. *shrug* It is what it is.

One of TG’s friends said that TG was scared we’d use her personal information against her. *side eye left, pause, side eye right* I would love to know what information they are talking about. Only thing I remember her ever discussing was her ex and her job searches. And she deleted all the posts about her ex when she was done with the discussion. So I didn’t know what exactly we had on her that was so dire. I just looked at the post and smh. They keep defending her and they are all gonna be on the news.  She’s more than a little off.

Because Sunday morning I get on Twitter to say good morning to everyone. She immediately asks me did I get her message. Now, my tweetdeck stopped working last year and I lost patience with trying to fix it and just said fugg it. So I actually go online to use Twitter. Well Twitter doesn’t jump up and say, hey you got a pm. It will highlight the box but that box is in the upper right of my screen. The timeline is in the middle of my screen and that is where I concentrate.

Anyway I look up and low and behold there is a PM. So I open it and there are three. One is from TG asking me did I get her message on fb. *sighs* I go over to fb and there is a PM from her asking me did I get her message on Twitter. I’s getting tired at this point. So I respond to both PMs that I didn’t see a question in either and what was she talking about. Then I get offline to go wash clothes.

I come back to another Twitter PM asking can she trust me and am I ignoring her. To which I then give her a rundown of my weekend so far. So what is going on?  She responds oh I just wanted to know what happened with the women’s group but the past is the past and she’s gonna drop it. Smartest thing she had typed all day.

So last week they put the group back together sans TG and the moderator. I was kinda like wow but I understood the reasoning. It would just be best for all intents and purposes that if one wasn’t invited then the other shouldn’t be either. And the group was supposed to be secret. *pregnant pause* Supposed to be secret.

So my writing group does writing challenges to help us train our brains to write more. I think it is a great idea. So one of the challenges I was just in love with. It was a scene I had envisioned many times for a character that is in my head but I couldn’t write it for anything in the world. So I discussed it with the group and the discussion really uncorked some stuff that I hadn’t thought of before. So last Friday and Saturday I was brain storming and cleaning house. I really would like to beat the brakes off the teenager who keeps coming into my place when I’m out and wrecking it. I can’t believe I’m this messy! *chuckle*

Sunday I was out with my sisters in the afternoon. They both got major drama going on with them. Yikes! It is an epidemic. So I get back Sunday evening, play a few games, comment on a few posts and take myself to bed. We had dinner at Rusty Skupper’s and I had had Coldstone for dessert. I was sleepy early. Not to mention somebody on fb was really serious about something that was making me giggle like a fool. All the more reason to take my butt to bed before I got into trouble by putting my foot in my mouth.

So Monday, there’s new drama in my new women’s group. The moderator of the old group has reactivated her account on fb.  It would seem that someone snitched to her that we had restarted the women’s group and she wasn’t taking it well. So I read through the post at almost all the comments. Again, it was a long post and I think I only skipped the last 10 or so comments.

I really didn’t know why it mattered at first but then as I read, people brought up the fact that this is supposed to be a place where we can talk about anything confidentially. And they are right. Whoever opened their mouth was wrong.

So I finally get curious and go over to the old moderator’s wall wondering how bad the comment could be. *blink blink* I was shocked. Yeah. It was a bit over the top for something so small and insignificant really. She flat out said that we stole her idea and that it was shytty of us.

*blink blink* I agreed with everyone else then. Though I like this woman, no one stole anything. She disbanded the group and left fb. No one knew where she went or if she was coming back. We just put it back together and kept it moving like grownups are supposed to do. Everyday there is some drama going on somewhere. One monkey or two don’t stop the show. I was really shocked that a 40 year old woman would behave that way. I’m going to chalk it up to her having hurt feelings and keep it moving. Because in her shoes I would have been hurt, examined whether I did anything wrong, apologized if I had or chucked them the deuces if I felt I hadn't done anything wrong.

So I left them playing blues clues trying to figure out who the snitch is. But really without a confession we probably will never know who the snitch is. *smh*

We have a similar situation going on at my job. *chuckle* Like I said, everyone got issues. So once a week we get delivery from an area restaurant. CCW2 organizes it. We’ve been doing it for over a year. Well someone complained to our boss that people were too noisy coming to pick up their lunch, bringing their orders (most of us email them but whatever) and paying her. There was just too much noise coming from CCW2’s office for this person.

So CCW2 is trying to play blues clues. She decides it has to be the woman in the office next to me because she never orders. Also, every time CCW2 comes to talk to me she gets up and shuts her office door. Now that don’t mean anything but CCW2 is just livid.

Well, she sends out a notice that last week would be our final week ordering out because someone had complained of the noise level. So one of the lunch participants said that there was an empty office next to her and that maybe we could at least do lunch distribution from there. This office is in the next hallway over from us. CCW2 presents that to our boss who said that won’t work because that is the hallway where the person (singular, just one pissant) sits who complained. The walls are thin. I can hear voices from the offices on the other side of my wall just not what people are saying. I guess that was just too much noise for someone.

But see CCW2 was all set to blame the coworker sitting beside me and it was someone in one of the offices behind us. Gotta be careful playing blues clues. Another thing, when did the complaint of one person become the end of everyone else’s enjoyment? *sighs*

So everyone was tiptoeing up and down the hall last week to pay for and pick up their lunch. Someone needs to get laid and shut the f!@# up. When the sound of people laughing for a couple hours one day a week upsets your nerves, your azz is wound up entirely too tight.

So in the midst of all this, CCW1 husband done come back but they are arguing on fb. *eyeroll* CCW1’s child had to have major surgery so she’s complaining about her child will be overly dramatic and getting on her nerves. She’s twelve. It is major surgery, 6 hours or more depending on what they find when they open her up. She’s allowed to be scared. Her main fear is that she’ll wake up during surgery. It is spine surgery. She’ll be strapped down on her stomach so she doesn’t move. It is rare but people HAVE AWAKENED during surgery. This is her first surgery and if she were to awake in that position with a trache down her throat she won’t be able to tell them she is awake. Her fears are valid. This is a former medical secretary for neurosurgery typing here. I felt like knocking CCW1 upside her head.

However when her husband was going around yelling at her and her daughter for every little thing after his mother died a few months ago she let him have his dramatics. Her daughter spent most of her time in her room because every time he saw her, he found a reason to yell at her. Those dramatics were uncalled for from a 35 year old supposedly grown azz man. *sucks teeth*

Then CCW1 is tripping because of one of the duties I transitioned off to her well it just isn’t working out well. I don’t know what we are going to do about it but *shrug* it is what it is for now. Everyone thought because I did my job so well with few complaints that my job was easy. Well, they are finding out how wrong they were.

CCW2 is still fugging that dirty drug addict peen! *smh* And she almost got locked up fooling with his azz.  And I am at 2400 words and I’m tired of typing. So I may or may not complete this later.

But with what I heard from my sisters on Sunday, the drama with my BFL and her hubby, the job drama, new work load, and CCW1 AND CCW2 personal drama, and that batshyt crazy man who shot up the movie theater at the Batman movie premiere *shakes hands out* the drama on fb is just more icing on the cake than I need. I hope the group survives but if not, we tried. But real life drama is more than enough for me. I don’t need internet drama. Especially over stuff that is so silly.

*tips soda bottle at monitor*

It is y'all not me.

I have come to the conclusion that young single people are crazy. No. I am not joking. I don’t know where these people came from or perhaps it was me that was dropped on this planet from another place. But these people are seriously crazy.

I was tooling around on fb and saw one of my ebuddies talking again about how much she misses her ex mini boo. So called because of his stature. He has friend zoned her. She’s been saying this stuff a while now so it just hit me that she is serious and that she is in no way, shape or form even beginning to get over him. That she is just waiting around in the friend zone waiting for him to change his mind.

*blink blink*

So I made a comment to the post that at first glance didn’t seem harsh. Then someone else commented back and I saw that perhaps my comment was a bit harsh.  It is just that I have run out of sympathy for anyone, man or woman, in her situation. I’ve just seen it too many times. I’ve given the same unfollowed advice too many times. And I’ve felt the same sympathy too many times.

People have hit me up to support them in these situations too many times and my relationship sympathy well is low. I believe it is drought season. I am sincerely all out of f@#ks to give.  Let me tell you what is going on…

I was on BA and one of the BA fam was going through it because she thinks she played herself by having sex with a dude she’s been communicating with but not dating on her first visit. She thinks she played herself because she texted him and he didn’t immediately return her texts. It had been a day. *blink blink*

Another woman texted her man and he didn’t return her text. It had been 32 minutes. I spend that much time on the toilet some mornings because I am just having a hard time waking up. *shrug* And the cell phone doesn’t come with me when I’m in the bathroom so go figure.  Then she comes back a few hours later after their long convo and everything is just fine now. C.R.A.Z.Y.

Then another BA newbie wants advice about some dude who says he don’t want to date he just wants to chill.  And though all the women chimed in what I was thinking, he just wants to screw her and be done with it, it still was just *thought pause for the right word* ugly to see how far down black men’s opinion’s of black women had fallen. One of the BA men responded that yeah he just wants to f@#k and that in that guy’s shoes he thinks like thus: tell the girl you just want to chill which equals screwing. If she says she ain’t down for it then cool but he’s still gonna try to get her in the bed. If he does then she is done and not worthy of a relationship with him.

I have no idea if other black men on the internet feel this way.  The few predominantly black male sites I have lurked on were full of so much hate for black women it was almost a palpable thing that could reach through the computer monitor to attack you.  So I haven’t lurked on those sites in years.  And in a way I guess it does attack your psyche to know that so many black men with internet access could be so hateful to their own women.

Then there is the thing with my BFL and her husband. Then CCW1's husband left again which has her walking around looking all sad in the face.

My relationship sympathy well is just low.  I can only care about sincere emergencies.  And besides my BFL, the rest are not emergencies. They are ridiculous.

And it isn’t just black folk but I believe the whole generation of younger folk and a few in my own generation caught up in this silly game.  Everyone wants perfection. A perfect mate. A perfect relationship. Minimal work. And a perfect life.

Sticking with the black situation, black men believe that because there are so many more black women than men that that means that they can wait for the perfect mate.  They have options.  What most of them fail to realize is that if the only thing they do is screw black women over that eventually there won’t be any good black women left to date/marry. True there are other women they can date/marry but if they haven’t spent just as much time building a life as they do playing The Game then most of them won’t be wanted beyond a screw and if they can’t do that well then they won’t be wanted period.  And after a certain age they’ll need a pill to even get it up.

Like CCW1’s husband for example. Yeah, he’s finding other women to screw but evidently he isn’t as good at it as CCW1 thinks because so far no one will take him off her hands for long before they either put him out or break up with him period. They ain’t trying to let him move in.  The married chick he was messing with was having a ball playing mind games on CCW1’s fb wall until CCW1 told her that she would tell her husband.  Married chick shut the hell up and that was the end of her.  CCW1’s husband was good to f@#k around with but she wasn’t messing up her marriage over him.

And there have been other affairs but none of those women want him for good. *smh* But his dumb azz stays out there trying to find someone other than CCW1.  And her dumb azz takes him back every time another chick leaves him homeless.

I have a coworker who is an advocate for adoption as she AND HER HUSBAND adopted two children. Right now black males, even infants, are the hardest children to find homes for. I went to one of her talks on adoption. She invited in an agency that had black children waiting and needing to be placed so badly they were going around holding seminars like Amway.  Do you know how sad that is? No one wants black kids. Not even us.

She tried to talk me into adopting an INFANT a couple years ago.  I just barely kept my professional demeanor in place.  If I had wanted to be a single parent I wouldn’t have waited until my 40s to have one, first of all. Second, babies are adorable until they start to deprive you of sleep. I love sleep. I ain’t giving it up for any little poop factory no matter how cute they are.  I may regret that one day but today ain’t that day.

So black men ain’t as in demand as they think they are. They keep f@#king over perfectly good women and then wonder why they can’t find a decent mate. Instead of treating all women they meet with love and respect. If she ain’t the one for him then let her know and move the hell on.  These games always bite everyone in the azz in the end.  Especially black men.

I hear women complaining about hating to date but wanting a boyfriend/man/husband. *blink blink* I really don’t even know where to start with that whole sentiment. Seriously. I have no clue what that means nor do I even begin to understand that concept.

Not to mention that a lot of the younger women want perfection too: tall, handsome, rich, with well endowed, good in bed, childless, and generous. *blink blink* Even Prince Charming didn’t have all that. He was rich, cute and childless. We ain’t heard not nan thing about whether he was generous or well endowed or good in bed.

Everyone seems to want so much with so little effort. *slowly shaking my head*

You know, if I had the chance to be a young woman again right now I wouldn’t take it.  These young folk got too many damn issues and I have run out of f@#ks to give.  I am just as content to sit on the sidelines and watch. I ain’t even entertained anymore. It is just ridiculous at this point.

*walks away apathetically*

The book I just read

I just finished reading Never: An erotic retelling of Peter Pan by Elizabeta Brooke. *shifts pelvis* That story was awesome. It was so delicious. I find it kind of surprising because there were quite a few homo sex scenes. At 44 I don’t go in for that stuff at all. But I enjoyed reading it nonetheless. They didn’t arouse me but they did captivate me if that makes sense.

The book was so lush with yummy descriptive details that I just wanted to go talk to someone who enjoys and loves men as much as I do. But there is no one so I come to talk to my future self. Or perhaps some passerby. *smile*

Yes, I have my women’s group. I’ve got two now actually. One my women’s group and the other my writers’ group. But nowhere to just sit back and talk to women who enjoy men. Most of them are going through issues with men or lack of men in some cases right now. Some I can relate to and some I can’t. Yes, men have their issues and are nasty. We women have our issues and can be nasty too. The difference is that men seem to be more willing to put up with us than we are willing to put up with them. They don’t want to change while we do nothing but change. It is an interesting conundrum. But I didn’t come to talk about that.

OHMIGOSH!  That book stirred so many thoughts and feelings in me. I loved the torture! Yes! I typed that out loud! Ha ha!  Believe it or not there was a triumphant feeling behind that declaration. At the end of that book I just felt like going out and living in the moment! But of course that is not possible.

In Never Land (yes spelled like that) the men are all sterile yet virile and both men and women have all been tested. You can have your way with them or they can have their way with you with no thought to the repercussions like here in the real world. I wonder would someone give me money to invest in such a business venture? A fantasy island where all your most decadent dreams can come true? Or does it already exist and the price is well out of my range? *sighs*

That is the danger in these type stories. They make you want to do reckless things and I have no one to talk me down. *chuckle* And I do need to be talked down. This world we live in is a brutal and unforgiving place. The one who usually talks me down is my BFL but she would never read such a book. At least I don’t think she would. One never knows. Maybe I’ll bring it up at our next lunch.

*insert bad French accent* Still, zee ideas zay gets me! *chuckle* I wonder will I still remember what the previous sentence and accent are from when I am old.  I wonder will I pull out this book and read it again when I am old or will it be too much of a reminder of my regrets.

I’ve never done anything sexually that I felt the need to be scrubbed afterward. I mean I have done something sexually that made my shamed afterward but that had more to do with my conscience than my morals. Or are those one in the same? *shrug* Anyway, it was more of who I did it with than what we did.

I’ve done the outside thing, the freaky positions, the voyeurism, etc. I turned the lesbian experience down. I just truly don’t feel women like that. *shrug* I’m allowed to be as hetero as they are allowed to be homo.

I just would like to do something that will have me getting close to the pearly gates where the Bible says you will be cleansed and given a new white robe and St. Peter will look up and go “Oh not you already! Everyone behind her take a seat. It is gonna take a minute to get her clean!”

*chuckle* Not just something bad but something deliciously bad that I will enjoy. Something that will have me grinning sheepishly at St. Peter awful sorry I’m caught but not terribly sorry about the fun I had. But those memories will be washed away. I won’t regret a thing because I won’t remember it.

Do I believe that? Of Course! Somewhere in the Bible it says as you believe so it shall be. That’s why I’m real careful about who I condemn to Hell. I ain’t through living yet. I might end up on the same level of sin of some folks. One never knows. So I try to condemn folks to Purgatory for a millennium or two. That gives me some wiggle room too.  I might need that wiggle room if I ever get to my Never Land.

Of note is that I pretty much figured out the ending. If I had remembered one key detail I’d have had it 100% right. *chuckle* And I love the little f@#k you she left behind for the man who thought he controlled her. Why do men always try to control us? Why don’t they work on controlling themselves instead? The world would be a safer place.

So I’m going to go sit and think about that book again. I might even open it up to the part with the twins. *sighs* I never thought of having twins before. *wiggles eyebrows* And have an “If Only” moment.

*tips water glass at the monitor*

Lately everyone seems to be going through it...

Welp!  Last weekend was an emotional weekend. I was supposed to go up and see my BFL. However, she sent me a text midweek that she would be coming to see me. I was like cool. The sailors were in town for the Tall Ships festival at the harbor so there would be plenty to do and see.

We didn’t end up doing any of that. We did a lot of talking. Her husband has left again. Just when she needs him most. Her daughter got pregnant again. Me and her both are like it was too soon after her miscarriage but you just can't tell people some things. Some stuff they have to learn the most incredibly hardest way possible.

She was blessed this time as this baby made it this time. She was in the hospital for two months trying to hold on to the little guy until he could survive on the outside. He spent another two months in the hospital and came home last month.

In the midst of all this my BFL has had to battle her mother in law who seems to think that they should drop everything and cater to her wants whenever she shows up.

You know, my BFL talked about how ditzy her MIL is all the time. It took over ten years into her marriage before I got it. I mean most people have in-law problems. But this one story sums it up for me.

When my BFL’s daughter was 12 her paternal grandmother decided to take her and her cousin to Disney World in Florida. Grandma worked for the railroad so their transportation was free. About four days or so into the trip the two girls got on grandma’s nerves and grandma cuts the trip short. Now the story the girls told is that grandma asked them, two 12 year olds, what they wanted to do the next day. They told her.  I don’t remember what now because that was 10 years ago. Well, grandma didn’t want to do that and suggested something else. The girls said they didn’t want to do what she suggested. Grandma got mad and said that they could just go home then. So she packs them up early and jumps on a train to bring them home.

Now, before she jumped on that train you would think she’d call their parents right? Well she didn’t.  It is an 18 hour ride from Orlando to Baltimore and they were headed to Philly. At no time did she contact their parents to say she was returning 3 days early.  She gets to Philly, leaves her granddaughters in a friend’s care who happened to be working that day, called and left messages on the girls’ parents’ phones and then jumped her butt on a train to Jersey.

So she left two 12 year old girls in the Philly train station alone. The friend she left them with watched them a while but then left the girls on their own. My BFL and her husband were away because they weren’t looking for their daughter for 3 more days. Luckily, her sister-in-law had only been out running errands. When she got home and heard the message she jumped in her car to drive to Philly to pick up the girls. She said when she got there, the girls were alone and unattended.

Anything could have happened to those girls but grandma was too busy being a child to realize that. So yeah, I was done with their paternal grandma then. My BFL’s husband wasn’t raised by his mother. His father had custody of him and he was raised by his paternal grandmother. His father was and is still living a teenaged dream in his 60s. I’m a need folk to grow up.

I  remember asking my BFL what her husband said to his mother and she said not much of anything. She said she ended up snatching the phone from him and laying her out.

Ok. That is one of many stories about my BFL’s MIL but I think that paints her in the light she needs to be seen in. Ditzy broad.

So, my BFL’s daughter has been updating her fb page on how she is doing. Her cousin is friends with her on fb. They’ve been talking via fb so the cousin can stay updated on how she is doing. The day the baby is born he is a premie and is taken to the neonatal ICU or NICU. The cousin and her mother, who is starting to turn as ditzy as her mother, show up unannounced and start a ruckus because they want my BFL’s daughter to get up out of bed and take them down to the NICU to see the baby. She just delivered a few hours ago, she was tired and had just gotten to sleep. However, they felt that she should get up, which would require a nurse having to come help her, and take them down to the NICU to see the baby because they drove from Philly. My BFL said that her daughter said they just kept pushing the issue of their having driven from Philly. Um, no one called for them. She was tired and in a lot of pain at the time. And they were being really insensitive.

So I’m guessing that there were some harsh communications sent to my BFL’s husband because the next time they came to town the same thing occurred. Except this time, my BFL’s daughter was out of the hospital. She and my BFL had planned to run errands to get things the baby would need when he came home. It was getting close to that time. Again, SIL showed up at the hospital unannounced this time with MIL in tow.  They called to let the daughter know that they were at the hospital and wanted her to escort them to see the baby.

The daughter calmly explained that she was running errands to pick up things for the baby’s homecoming. Little fella came home still on his monitors. There were things they needed to get for him. They wouldn’t be stopping by the hospital until later.

Well that wasn’t good enough for the in-laws. My BFL’s husband had been out of town and just so happened to return that day. So long story short, that’s when the argument started that ended in him spending the night in NJ.

So now home life is too stressful for him. He needs another break. *sad sighs* So my BFL is home with their daughter and a premie while he is somewhere resting his nerves like he is the only one stressed.

I think I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, he has never taken his wife’s side against his mother, no matter what ditzy thing she does. That has got to hurt my BFL as it would incense me.  I’m your wife and the mother of your child. I’m your partner. I’m the one here for you when you come back from maneuvers, when you are complaining about your job, need a hump in the sack, need help taking a bath because you threw out your back, bringing you pillows, food etc after your knee surgery.  Over 20 years of marriage and he’s still siding with that ditz he calls his mother.

On the other hand, he wasn’t raised by his mother and he’s trying to get her approval and build a relationship with her. It is difficult when neither wife nor mother get along. His sister has succeeded in building a relationship with his mother. He wants the same.  Right now, he sees his wife as the reason he and his mother aren’t closer.  Instead of just realizing, mom is a ditz. Sister has inherited some of mom’s ditziness and you are going to have to love them two from a distance.

My BFL broke down and cried last weekend. That is the first time I can ever remember seeing her cry. I really don’t know what to tell her to do besides seek the Lord God’s counsel. This is out of my area of expertise. I’ve never been married and I’m not her. You don’t get to leave me twice in the middle of a storm and think you get to come back.

I don’t think I would have let him come back after the first time he left me. I’d a prayed on it. If the word I received was give him another chance then he better cherish that chance. Leave me a second time? There wouldn’t have been a counsel. There would have been papers filed and the dissolution of a marriage would have begun.

If you are there for me in the good times then you need to be there for me in the rough times. Telling me you need a break and leaving me to deal with the stress of parenting alone until the dust settles is a childish thing to do. I need a man not a boy. Go home to your mammy and work out your issues then because you are no longer welcome in my heart.

But that is just me and I would never tell anyone to leave their spouse unless I had proof that said spouse was doing something that would be detrimental to them both. This right here is just growing pains. You experience them all your life. The question is whether they will grow together or apart?

I don’t think she can stand alone much longer. On her plate are the following:

1. A simple azz husband who can take the stress of the military but can’t deal with simple family stresses.
2. A ditzy mother in law who thinks she is the queen of Sheba and should be treated as such.
3. A ditzy sister in law who is a first lady of somebody’s church so you know you better bow down to her.
4. A sister who may one day have to live with her as she hasn't had a job in over 15 years and is mentally, not quite right. Not sure how to term her but she’s kinda slow.
5. She has an autistic niece whose care will someday fall to her as her mom is now in her 60s headed toward her 70s and is the primary point of contact for her grandchild.
6. A daughter with a premie and no job.
7. A premie who wakes up every 2 hours to be fed.
8. Let’s not forget the dog the husband came home with that still needs to be walked and fed even though he ain’t there.
9. A job that is constantly laying people off. She never knows when the ax is coming for her.
10. Co-workers getting on her last nerve as they complain nonstop about their lives.

I think ten things is enough. That’s more than enough to have me divorcing him, selling the house, and packing it in to move elsewhere and start fresh.

Everyone seems to be going through it right now. Even me. I just feel like I keep going in circles or the wrong direction or something.

I took this weekend as an internet hiatus and it was so needed. I have started meditating on God again. It was like coming home. Something in my spirit suddenly felt better. I hope to start making some better decisions soon. Or at least start seeing my purpose more clearly.

Tired of running in circles. I’ve been in this phase in my life for a long time now. I’m doing something wrong.  Time to get it right.

I haven’t been meditating like I use to. I’ve been on the internet in the evenings. I see I shall have to cut that out for the time being. Truly. I started meditating Friday and by yesterday I was feeling so much better. Even opened up some things that were closed to me in a story I was working on.

I know a few atheists now and I don’t know how they do it. I go through these rough patches and I have my Lord to hold onto and I make it through. He is my Comfort, my Counselor, my Help and even my Strength.  I know that regardless of what I am going through it will all work out and it will work out beautifully according to His plan.

It may not feel beautiful right about now but most great work doesn’t. The pain of childbirth is not a beautiful thing to most women but when they hold their baby in their arms it was all worth it.  An athlete goes through the pain of torn muscles and numerous other injuries but when they have that trophy that they have trained for all their lives it all becomes worth it.

I know that nothing that is going on today is any different than anything that has gone on before even my parents were born. The names and faces of those in power change but the purpose is the same. In the end it will be as it was always meant to be.  And it will be a beautiful thing. And I am so glad that there ain’t a dang thing anyone can do to change it. Y’all arms are entirely too short to box with God.

Peace and prosperity,

*tips water cup at monitor*

Why is life so hard?

I'm having one of those days when it just all seems too frigging hard. I don't understand nearly enough of it. I wonder why I am here and why am I doing so badly? *sigh* I just want to go home.

So long, farewell, something something, and goodbye to Facebook

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo…I’m gone from Facebook…again. This time for good. I do not play he said she said and I am too old for electronic battles.  I got real life battles to deal with.

So I am on FB Saturday afternoon trying to play catch up when I head over to my ladies group and evidently TDP and HKS are having some type of fb argument.  I can’t see anything TDP writes because he blocked me ages ago. *shrug* Turns out it is a blessing, God is awesome! Since I can’t see it then I can’t be pulled into it.

However, one of my fb buddies tried to pull me into it. I was like, wait…what?  Why are you calling me out and you know all the dirt? Is what I was thinking. *chuckle* I basically gave a “no comment” comment and exited the group. Not that I didn’t want to say something, because game recognizes game, but I knew it wasn’t my place.

Anyway what struck me as always was how quick the women in the group were to jump on HKS. Long story short he’s moving him and his son to VA to live with her. As in now. Um, school ends in about a month. Why is he yanking his kid out of school this close to the end of the school year?  That was my thought. Not why isn’t HKS responding to him about the move. That’s his son, not hers.

Everyone kept saying, but there is a child involved. I’m thinking, yeah, his child. Because if the situation were reversed then everyone would be looking at her like she was crazy for yanking her kid out of school before the school year ended and moving to another state to depend on some man.

I know this because we already had a similar scenario on BA. *chuckle*

Anyway, it threw me into another round of self examination. Because my response and thoughts were so totally different from everyone else’s. I mean, I do not think of myself as a bitch. But considering the way all the other women were just jumping on HKS, I was wondering had I turned into a bitch without realizing it.

I guess what I am trying to figure out now at the age of 44 years is how much compassion do you show a person?  All the other ladies were just so concerned about the child and his father. Me on the other hand:

Seriously. I couldn’t care less about his situation. Maybe I know too much of their back story.  Maybe it is the fact that I didn’t attend his birthday party but sent a gift, and notified him ahead of time that I couldn’t attend due to illness and apologized AND he was still pissy months later.  That told me a lot about his character right there. I just shook my head when he called himself subliminally cussing me out about it on twitter. *shrug* He’s damn near 40 years old and mad because someone didn’t attend his birthday party. Seriously? Yeah. Ok.

Seriously, if you send me a gift on my birthday instead of coming to see me because you are sick, I ain’t going to be mad with you depending on the gift. *chuckle*

But back to me being a bitch.  Am I just a cold unfeeling bitch? I guess that will be one of the things for me to work on and think about. I never thought I was. I thought I was compassionate and caring but the whole time they were talking about HKS, I just kept thinking “That’s his kid, not hers. She owes him and that kid zilch.”

How much compassion do you show to him and his child in this situation? He’s not moving to Virginia to BE with her, he’s moving him and his child IN with her. And I am being left with the impression he doesn’t have a job and is still married to his wife. Oh the wife is staying here in public housing.

He ain’t married to me then he can’t live with me and I don’t do men with young children. AND I DAMN FOR SURE DON’T DO MEN WHO ARE MARRIED TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME!

And what the rest of them don’t know is that those two sometimes make each other mad in order to enhance their sex lives. When HKS and I were friends she would be pissed with him and they’d do and say things to each other to make each other madder. Then they’d get together for a sex session and work all that aggression out.  Then they would be cool again. It works for them.

So while I’m contemplating my bitch status those two may be somewhere burning a hole in a floor. Maybe.  One thing I am 90% sure of is that this ain’t over by a long shot and I am excusing myself from the drama. I am going to miss the shenanigans. Oh well. To everything a season under Heaven.  I guess my season with FB is over.

I'm trying to believe this woman is trying to help me but...

So it is Friday morning and I am trying to clean up some things on my desk. We are trying to get a document out the door to a client. There is a portion that has to come from our controller's office and our contact just ain't cooperating with us. We've been trying to get this document out the door since JANUARY!!!!

So the client drops us all another email first thing this morning and I email my boss and one of the other managers that perhaps it is time to kick it up to the guy's supervisor. So neither of those two answer. I made the mistake, I now see, of including my coworker on the email.

I don't know why but that sends her into scurry mode. She starts scurrying around pulling all these documents from other places trying to make the document up HERSELF. Ok.  Now neither my boss or the other manager have even responded to my email yet. I end up spending the next hour proofing shyt she is pulling together.

Finally, I see my boss go by and I call her into the fray of this mess. Do you know what my coworker does after pulling all these files and dumping them on my desk?  She scurries back to her office talking about "Oh let me get out of here. I don't want to be involved."

It took everything in my power to keep my professionalism on lock. So my boss rightly questions, as she still hasn't answered my email, did we just give up on getting the document from the other department? I said well {insert coworker's name} has. *imagine sounds of woman across the hall going: "Oh no no, keep me out of it" while me and the boss are talking*  Did you read my email?  My boss said yes and that she was going to call and talk to him before moving up to his supervisor.

So I spent my morning running down numbers for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I know she means well. I do. I know she means well but dear dear dear sweet Lord ... can she grow a bit of a backbone? Can she stop being so much of a worry wort? I just need her to dial it back one notch! Just ONE!

Then after all that she went back to her office and just yelled a few things she thought I should know because it is going to come back to you (me), you know? And she is probably right on that. But at the same time everyone knows what is going on. This didn't start with me. The goes back before I even got the account and you know who was handling it before me? My boss. So yeah. I go? We go.

I just needed to vent this. Now, I'm going to go have a cocktail. *salutes screen with empty highball glass*

Am I Weird?

So I am back to thinking I’m weird again.  So many different things going on with the people around me.  TPL isn’t speaking to his brother or his sister-in-law (SIL) according to him.  Now that is a first.  He and his brother will be on the outs every now and again but they always work it out through the SIL.  Now TPL is mad with the SIL because he found out she told his brother that he couldn’t bring his son to live with them.

Long story short: TPL’s brother has a child from a one night stand he had before he met and married his wife.  DNA verified.  At some point in the child’s development the baby momma (BM) couldn’t handle him anymore and wanted TPL’s brother to take him but keep paying her the child support. *blink blink*  SIL said no and that was the end of that.

TPL feels they should have taken the son in regardless.  I kind of agree on that because they could have gotten a good lawyer to get custody once the boy had been in their custody long enough to show this was a better home for him and gotten child support discontinued.  However they didn’t.  TPL blames the SIL.  I didn’t say anything but the thing that kept running through my mind is just this:

If you can’t tell a black man what to do and you can’t make a black man do what he doesn’t want to do then how did your SIL make your brother not take in his own seed if that is what he wanted to do? *side eyeing that whole notion*

Black men.  I swear they running game on a whole different level and women are falling for it left and right.  So much so it makes me wonder from time to time if I am the crazy one.

Then one of my e-buddies had me on my side of the screen just shaking my head.  TickleDaPickle for lack of a better name for him was on her fb page admonishing her for stalking her man.  Now I just crack up at it because I know this is her way of coping and if you pay attention it gets less and less frequent as time goes on.  She’s a bit frustrated and this is her outlet.  TDP and a few others have a problem with it.

What got me was that when one chick said something she restricted her access to her page. *shrug* Your page and your ramble.  People can respect it, ignore it or block it.  Real simple.  No need to go in on someone especially since it was a JOKE.  Anyway when TDP went in on her she didn’t restrict or block his access. *smh*  Even black women have a double standard when it comes to how we let black men treat us.

Then she totally blew my mind when I found out she picks up and drops off the peen she ain’t getting anymore.  *blink blink*  Yeah, the last time a dude who was trying to date me was waiting around for me to pick him up he ended up blowing up my landline while I was out doing me.  Only peen I pick up requires batteries.

I totally don’t understand this concept.  Why?  Because it is dangerous for a woman to be out in this world alone.  A man who truly loves and values his woman would never want to put her at risk. *smh*

I’ve been on a writing jag this year so I haven’t been watching much tv.  But one of the last 48 Hours shows I caught was about a woman who was kidnapped and murdered after stopping at a convenience store to pick her boyfriend up some snacks.  There is video of her being snatched at the door.  So sad.  That mofo fell asleep waiting up for her so it was hours before she was reported missing.  He’s sitting on tv crying and I felt not one pang of sympathy for him.  He should have told her: Naw babe, I’m good.  You just come on home.  Or went to her job and rode home behind her.  There was a lot a good man would have done in that situation. 

So no, I don’t think much of any dude who would let his woman pick him up and drop him off and let her ride off alone in this crazy world.  Especially since the media does not publicize when blacks, male or female, come up missing.

Add to it he is SUPPOSED to be following the Muslim faith.  Naw.  He is supposed to make sure his woman is safe.  Where is all that machismo most Muslims have? *smh*  I still say he’s found himself a woman within his religious sect that he will ultimately marry.  If anyone asks, my e-buddy is just his friend.  And he’ll be telling the truth as they have stopped having sex.

None of the above would fly with me but most of the other women I know don’t seem to have a problem with it.  I just don’t get it.

And the internet dating? *rolls eyes*  I keep waiting for them to have that “Aha!” moment when they realize they need to stop looking for love on the internet.  There is none to be found.  There are just a bunch of horny men looking for quick hops in the sack.

Time and again they get their hopes up and then end up back in the group hurt and upset.  Then their self-esteem sinks yet lower.  I don’t understand why they torture themselves like that.

OHMIGOSH!!!! And one girl met one that had me like…pass him my number.  His peen doesn’t work because he had prostate cancer.  They had to remove everything that made his member rise.  I’m like, there is surgery for that.  Next problem?  Then she said he SEEMED clingy.  He might be.  Once that prostate is gone men become as emotional as women do.

How do I know?  Prostate Cancer was the specialty of The Boss Who Could Still Get It. *lol*  All that to say I wouldn’t have written him off just yet.  I’d need to know how much money he has.  For $17,000 they can correct that peen problem.  If he has insurance then it might cover it all together and he would not have to come up with any out of pocket money.  Then she wouldn’t mind his clingy behind with a nice, new, and harder than ever peen. *shrug*  And he probably wouldn’t be so clingy once he got a new peen that worked better than the old one.

I try not to talk too much.  I’ve temped a lot so I’ve had a lot of jobs.  I’ve met a lot of people and learned a little bit of everything.  I don’t care what topics they come up with I usually have a story.  But to be 44 years old and have all the stories I have can kind of make people look at you like you have got to be lying.

*chuckling* Like one time me and a coworker were discussing birth defects and I was telling her about a child my mother cared for when she was still a nurse who had been born with no brain.  My coworker burst out with: “You and your stories!  That can’t be true!”

As it so happened one of the doctors was walking by and I stopped her and asked her to validate my story.  Indeed the condition is called Anencephaly.  My coworker looked at me like suddenly she had to reevaluate me.  I realized then that she thought I had been lying or making up stories.  I do but I put them in works of fiction.  I got no need to make up stories IRL.  TPL taught me just how bad that is for the rep if ever I was tempted to do so.

Anyway, I’ve just been censoring myself since then.  Sometimes I get carried away and go on a story telling jag! *smh lol*  So, I just kind of listen IRL or read online.  Sometimes I comment and sometimes I don’t.  Still, I just feel weird sometimes like, why do these solutions seem like common sense to me and rocket science to others?

I have to remind myself that the troubles others are going through are their journey just like mine are my journey.  Still, it does make me wonder about my own sanity sometimes.  My writing has been a saving grace in that.  I just published my first e-book on Amazon!  Yeah me!  And I’ve sold 8 books. *lol*  And believe it or not I’m real tickled about it.  I am working hard on the sequel.

I declare one day after writing it was like I had drained my skull.  My head felt lighter.  I fell asleep and was out like a light!

So that is tricks.  So far everyone likes my car.  Eh.  I like the fact that it runs well.  My dream car was a Camry until they started accelerating on their own.  Now, I just like a car that spends more time on the road than in the shop.

Otherwise, God is good and all is right in His universe.

Baller Alert showcased on Anderson Cooper TV Show

*giggling like mad* So one of my favorite e-hang outs BA was showcased on the Anderson Cooper TV Show and it has begun. The deluge of newbies descending on the site to ask the same type of newbie questions. This happened after BA was mentioned on Fox News, a radio show, and some magazine and e-articles.

It is always the same. The old heads go into hiding because they don't want to be recognized and their game let out to their sponsors. Then you got the semi-new chicks trying to advise the newbies. *giggling*

All that came to a head last week when one of the true old heads came out of lurk mode to ask WTF kind of advice were some of these chicks giving people. lol Even I was kinda side eyeing the advice being given like, y'all need to sit down and be quiet and let one of the real ballerettes speak on some of this. *cackling*

Oh my gosh. It is a little disconcerting when you think about it. There are about 20-30 people who chat all the time. You really do forget that you are not alone and that there are a lot of eyes out there checking your every word.

I signed up with a site a couple years ago that I have never used. This site actually let you see how many people were online at any given time. So one day while there were 7 people actively commenting, there were over 1100 people online at the time. I was like, what are the rest of you doing? *chuckle*

I know that is called lurking. I do it over on Black n Bougie all the time. It was just kind of off-putting to realize how many people are reading your words.

It is just funny as all get out. One BA member who has been there since the first thread said she'd see us in June when the hoopla died down. lol And we ain't seen her since. lol

Some of these women really do report that they have sugardaddy / sugarbaby relationships that they don't want to jeopardize. If they truly have it the way they say then I can't blame them.

It is just funny in a crazy way.

TG is at it again.

*sighingly smh*  So long story short, she called herself getting back at her ex ES and ended up getting got.  I don’t know why she doesn’t just pack it up and go home.  None of her jobs are working out for her and she has been in that city coming up on a year now.  I don’t believe she has either told her family that they have broken up or she hasn’t told them he played her.  Either way, I don’t believe she is being honest with the folk at home.  She doesn’t want to hear ‘I told you so’.  She needs to put on her big girl drawers, tell everyone to say it one time to get it out of their system, and take her butt home.

I get the feeling that this isn’t the first time that this has happened to her which is the real reason she is reluctant to fess up and go home.  Last night, she reached out to the group for some truth.  Chile, the last time we tried to give her truth she got mad and laid folk out saying we didn’t know her.  That is true.  If we were her real friends we’d know the truth of her story because it doesn’t add up.

See as a friend, I know that MB3 exaggerates her stories a bit.  Not much but a bit so I always know where to dial it back when she calls.  I know when she’s mad, sad, depressed, happy, jealous, etc by the tone of her emails and her voice.

See as a friend, I know that TPL is just that, a pathological liar.  He cannot help himself.  But his azz has issues that have been verified so I know to cut him some slack about some things and when to pull back and let his azz know I’m pissed and he owes me an apology.  And because I’m one of the few friends who put up with the madness and *smh* fun that is TPL I get one.

See as a friend, I know that my BFL takes some finessing when it comes to talking about her problems.  It takes time for her to work out her emotions.  I know when she just needs me to listen and when she needs advice.  I know when she has called to laugh and when she just needs to type out a bytch session.  She has a husband and doesn’t want him to know what she’s bytching about until she’s ready to say it calmly and rationally.  When it is just simple and petty stuff she leaves the bytch mode in the emails with me.  When it is something serious I hear about what happened afterwards.

See as a friend, I know that MCB has a lot on her plate and that sometimes she just needs to unload.  She needs love and encouragement and help to see the positive side when all she can see are the negatives.  I’ve truly had to shock her into the reality of how good her life truly is.  She is a lot better than when we first met.  Now she is just happily exhausted most days and frustrated with her career on others.  Those frustrated days I remind her that she only has one more child to get out of the nest and then she is free to go and do as she pleases.  Two more years and she’s free.  She’s thinking of coming back to Maryland.  *Happy Spice*

I could go on but I’m already over the thousand word recommended limit for blog posts. *snickers*  So I’ll just say this, I don’t understand why she still has pics of the ex up.  I’m betting neither do her “friends”.

I’ll tell you what I believe.  I believe she hasn’t told the folk at home that they are over.  I believe she slept with him in hopes that she was winning him back.  I believe she needs to go on home and leave this mess behind.  Or move to another state.  Something.  Because nothing is panning out for her down there except more hurt.

We have a no gossip rule in the group so I gotta gossip somewhere about this. *snickers*

She asks why does it keep happening to her.  The answer is simple but none of them want to know it.  Especially not from me.  Someone who is just sitting back observing it all.  I know exactly what is wrong with this generation because quiet as it is kept even the men are dissatisfied with the status quo.

But this ain’t my journey.  It is hers and everyone that is going through it.  I can listen when they are venting but until they stop and pay attention to what they are doing wrong…repeatedly…like lemmings going over a cliff, there ain’t shyt I can say.  They don’t believe anything that comes out of my mouth or fingertips.  Even though I am just as content in my universe.  And in a minute, I’m a have a man and a healthy relationship and they are truly going to be fugged in the head about it because there is no way in the world that I should have either.  At least according to all the unhappy souls out there telling the world how miserable I’m supposed to be. *eyerolls*

TG shut the group down last night. *smh*  I know those insomniacs were up.  It was Friday and people had already started posting music and getting their drinks out. *smh*  But when they were thinking of booting her a few weeks ago a lot of the core group said they’d leave if she was booted.  They think they are her friends. *side eyeing the whole notion*

A friend would be able to pick up the phone and call someone in her family and tell them what is really going on with her.  They say her home life isn’t ideal.  Is anyone’s?  If she ain’t running from mental, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse then she needs to take herself home to people who love her and want to help her.  If she is running from any of the above then the last thing she needs to be doing is dating.  The first thing she needs to do is get herself to a qualified mental health specialist.  I already told them that I don’t think we are qualified to give the kind of help she needs.  They don’t understand what I mean and I don’t know how else to tell them.

We vent and move on in our group quite a bit.  That’s life.  There’s always going to be something to vetch about.  Chances are there is someone in there who can commiserate.  TG comes in with Tyler Perry script worthy drama.  Seriously.  I haven’t gone into the half, just the highlights out of respect for our privacy rules.

Funny, I had reservations about admitting her to the group but all her “friends” said she’d be a good fit.  So I kept my mouth shut.  Damn my instincts are good even over the internet.

I’m about done with fb.  I say that because the only thing holding me to it was my women’s group and I see TG bringing an end to it.  Either she’s gonna get booted or get mad and leave on her own and her “friends” will leave with her.  It takes a long time for people to realize what friends are.  My momma told me that when I was a teen throwing that word around.  It made me start to reevaluate my relationships.

Then maybe the group’s leader will find good replacements for those that leave. *shrug*  Shame, this is a good group and we offer each other a lot in so many ways.  We just can’t help TG.  She needs a professional.

*tips juice glass at monitor and goes to make breakfast*

I guess someone's feelings were hurt

So, last night after I posted yesterday’s blog I got on fb to see what everyone was up to, play a few games, and check some music posts.  I go to my woman’s group and look what one of the ladies posted. *chuckle*  Yup, posted by one of the ladies I thought was a bit miffed with me. Oh well.  Can’t agree all the time.

I’m glad I saw it after I dumped my argument here.  Last night I looked at it, chuckled good-naturedly and thought, ditto, hon, ditto.  Your argument still makes zero sense.  The only thing I cannot and will not willing accept from a bi-sexual man is his penis and because of that I’m intolerant and prejudiced in your mind. *smh*  Nope.  I don’t believe it and I’m not taking the bait ever again…in my woman’s group. *chuckle*

Intolerance is when you don’t want someone as your neighbor, coworker, boss, grocery clerk, President, doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief *chuckle*, etc. because of something about them that they were born with and cannot change.

My sexual orientation is one of those things I was born with and cannot change according to those whose orientation is homosexual.  My sexual orientation is heterosexual.  I prefer a heterosexual mate.  It is imperative to my sanity and continued good health.

The funny part is that there were a couple women who chimed in that they were open to being with a man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  So there are women out there that they can be honest with and they’ll still want to be with them.  They just don’t feel that they should give a woman a chance to reject them.  They just need to man up and accept that not every woman, even the woman they think is perfect for them, is going to want to be in a sexual relationship with them.  Just like every man whose sexual orientation is heterosexual has to accept it.

Good grief.  I’m fat and there are lots of men who are not interested in being in a relationship with me.  That is their preference and they have a right to it.  And *gasp* I accept that. I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who accepts me as I am than try to hide some parts of me that they may not like. Then flipping it around to make it the other person's fault that you're lying to them. People really?

*smh in wonder*  It is just so weird how things have flip flopped.  Once upon a time people tried to change people whose sexual orientation was anything but heterosexual.  Well, in some places they are still trying.  Still people have yelled, screamed, protested, passed laws to protect people whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual and now they have the right to be with who they want.  Now, I got someone telling me that I don’t have the right to be with who I want because that is not acceptance? *head scratch* Yeah.  Her argument makes zero sense.

Then as I thought about it I realized that people this invested in an argument usually have something or someone they are thinking of when they argue so vehemently.  I don’t know who the bi-sexual is in her life but I wish them both wellness and honesty in their sexual relationships.

There are stories I could tell about this mess happening on the down low.  I know TPL has a friend I use to call Baby Hairs.  I called this guy Baby Hairs because he is a flaming queen who always had his baby hairs slicked down around his face. *chuckling*  Seriously, I couldn’t make that up in my wildest dreams.  The first time I met him I could barely get myself together to say hello.  A grown man coming up on 30 years of age with baby hairs greased and slicked down around his face like a little girl was something I had never seen before or since.

So I’d get updates from TPL as well as from Baby Hairs himself on the few occasions we all went out together.  So one day over lunch TPL says Baby Hairs is back to dating women.  I burst out laughing thinking it was all a big joke.  Yeah.  Right.  I say.  He kept assuring me that it was true.

I was like to each their own then because I thought that was taking fag hagdom to a new level.  TPL said they don’t know he is gay.  He has changed himself up to look like a thug.  I couldn’t even begin to imagine it.  I laughed all through his explanations.  To be noted here, at this time Baby Hairs had been diagnosed as HIV+.

TPL figured he could show me better than he could tell me because I knew him to be TPL at that point.  Why did he show up with this now 30 something man looking and sounding like a regular 30 something straight man?  All signs of the queen of baby hairs gone!

So now I had questions!  Most importantly, does/do the woman/women he’s having sex with know he’s HIV+.  TPL said he didn’t know and from his manner he didn’t care.  Normally, I go in for telling the long story but I’d like to forget this mess one day so I won’t immortalize his whole story.  Just know that he was at one point trying to get a woman pregnant while infected with HIV.  He goes back and forth when he’s feeling the need to know he can still pull women.  Sometime around the time TPL’s daughter started dating this no longer became funny to him and for a time they stopped speaking until Baby Hairs went back to dating men exclusively.  Baby Hairs’ family knew about his back and forth ways but never said a word to the women who he dated.

To be noted, I don’t care who Baby Hairs was dating, he should have been being honest about his HIV+ status with everyone.  TPL never seemed to want to answer my questions about who knew his status and who didn’t.  From the things that slipped down through the years the men knew and whether the women knew or not was never answered.

Though one time he almost got as good as he was giving.  One day he called up the woman he was trying impregnate to let her know he was on his way over to her place.  She told him fine but that they couldn’t have sex as she was having an outbreak.  He asked what she was talking about.  She then reminded him that she had herpes.  She had told him when they were just friends and then he forgot by the time they got around to being sex partners.  So he dumped her and went back to men because the last thing he needed was herpes and HIV.

So, she told him what she had but he didn’t feel the need to disclose what he had.  Uh huh.  Then it all came out in a messy court case. *eye rolls*

Child, I got so much of Baby Hairs drama from TPL through the years that I had to give him a new nickname that I shall not repeat here. *chuckle*

At any rate, I think I’ll be scarce for a bit to give the ladies a chance to cool off. 

They are almost all younger than me and we’ve had different experiences.  I understand that they’ve had a lot more positive ones than negative.  I think I’ve had a lot more negative than positive.  So I look at things a lot differently because I’ve seen the underbelly (love that word) of a lot of relationships, heterosexual and homosexual.  It ain’t all roses and butterfly kisses.

Oh well.  I still got three other places to hang out on the net and *sighs* I got plenty of stuff to do around the house.

*looks at some projects that need finishing*