Stress...

Stress is a mutha chucka! *chuckles*

A lot going on but not necessarily with me. Just the folks around me. They keep trying to bring me stress at work and I keep looking at them like they are crazy. *shrug* This is my means to making my ends meet, not my life. People are trying to make this job their life.  And as usual I ain't.

I came back from vacation rested and two weeks out I am already run down again. Time for a change and I'm working on it wholeheartedly. I guess that is one of the reasons I am run down. Between writing and working towards a change for myself, I've been burning the oil to the wee hours of the morning. I don't see it changing any time soon. Not until I'm done getting to where I want to be.

I was on an eight day cruise. I slept the first two days. *chuckle* We got on board the ship by 1:30 pm and headed to lunch. By the time we were done with lunch our cabin was ready. By 2:30pm I was asleep. Woke up at 7pm went to dinner and came back to the cabin to go back to sleep.

Second day we were at sea all day so it was a repeat of day one with the intro of breakfast and an after breakfast stroll around the deck. By the time we hit the first port I was refreshed and ready to go sightseeing.

I just know that I need to make some moves in my life now. Ten years from now I cannot still be at this company or even working in Baltimore City. I cannot still be commuting around town and I cannot still be living on the cusp of the hood. I've made some decisions and I am starting to look at my options.

This journey called life, dear Lord in Heaven, it is something else. I wish I had it in me to communicate all the things I'm seeing and feeling right now. I am feeling every thing from able to zero. Any feeling or adjective you can think of from A to Z, I am/have feeling/felt and thinking/thought.

Through it all I just feel so blessed and fortunate. I didn't get what I wanted out of this life but I got so much more than I ever thought existed! It is a lot to take in and this feeling I have is doesn't have a name. It is a mix of joy, sadness, anger, arrogance, pity, rage, confusion, omnipotence, fear, dread, and something else unknown.

I have no idea where I'm headed but dang it has been an interesting journey so far. I ain't been happy with the whole ride but some of what I've seen has been astounding. I know if I hadn't been through Hell on Earth from time to time then I never would have seen or learned some things. What is even more amazing is that everyone hasn't experienced or seen some of the things I have. I mean some of this stuff I've seen repeatedly. Different participants but same situations but with differing and interesting outcomes.

For instance, I remember my mother telling me about a girl who went to her high school. She and her boyfriend were in love but there was another girl that wanted the guy. He wasn't interested in the other girl but the other chick not only picked a fight with his girlfriend but stabbed her to death. She said that the guy had to be restrained from killing the other chick. He yelled at her that he would hate her for life and wanted to kill her as she had killed the woman he loved and blurted out that she had been pregnant. They were gonna get married after graduation. She had ruined his life. Wow!

I must have been in Jr. High then because I was just amazed by that story. I thought it was an anomaly until I got to high school. I went to a HS that was so white you barely noticed the blacks. A thousand students and maybe 100 blacks spread out over all four grades. I think we had one Hispanic chick and an Asian or two.

Everyday this couple that me and my BFL nicknamed The Love Buzzards walked to and from school. We were teen-aged girls and we were being catty because *shrug* it is what happens until you learn better. Anyway one day we learned that the reason he walked her to school every day was because there was a girl at school that wanted him for herself but he wasn't interested in anyone but the girl he walked to and from school every day. So the girl and her friends would jump (beat up) her every time they caught her outside alone. *smh* So he made sure his girlfriend got to and from school safely every day because the crazy chick could not be reasoned with.

That's one. Then around my junior year a girl came to school who had been friends with my BFL in elementary school. She had developed cancer and had been home schooled for years until she had kicked cancer. N. is (and was last I saw her) a petite cute girl. Of course she found a boyfriend with ease! Again, one of the chicks (on the school bus at that) was angry because she wanted N's boyfriend for herself. N. had already had cancer, she was kind of fragile back then. She couldn't take an azz whipping. So she would get off the school bus at his school. Then they'd wait for me and my bff to show up and we'd all three walk to school. Back in the day, you did not fugg with me or my BFL alone let alone together. We weren't bullies but we were raised to defend ourselves IF ATTACKED. And everyone knew it. Shiiiiiiiiiiiid I was fighting boys in Jr. High so everyone knew I wasn't playing.

Then he'd walk down to our school to wait with her for the school bus in the afternoon. All because some chick could not take no for an answer. The boy told you he wasn't interested. Why are you fighting the girl that he chose? Crazy!

I've seen it happen in college and the craziest case yet with a former lunch buddy/acquaintance of mine. Her dude was cheating. She didn't know it though I saw the signs clearly. The other woman knew about her and where she lived. One day she is coming home from work and the other woman jumps out of the bushes and beats her azz. Now here is the kicker. The other woman KNEW SHE DID NOT KNOW HE WAS CHEATING. That was her crazy azz way of letting it be known, I guess. What it got her was a criminal record, fines, and time served over a man who was doing them both dirty. *smh*


I've got so many more stories of similar situations with different players. They taught me a lot about acceptance and being a graceful loser as well as winner. And don't cheat or knowingly be with a cheater.


Lots of drama going on, especially with CCW1 and I am so over her I doubt I'll bother to post it. My BFL has gone into hide mode. She don't know, I will be sitting on her doorstep. She better not test me. I know she wants to keep her husband but sometimes what you want is not what is best for you. *sighs*

A lot of upheaval on my job. These changes...*bland side eye* I'm going to do me and wherever the chips land, they land. I just pray my landing will be softer than it has been in the past. *chuckle*

We are planning MOS a surprise birthday party. So far it looks like it is going to be nice.

TPL and his brother are beefing because TPL didn't make it to his brother's 50th birthday party. I think the brother is right btw. All the things he has done for TPL down through the years, 3 cars bought and paid for and constantly bailing him out financially. He's paid rent, back bills, bought food etc. When I said that to TPL he said he should have since they are brothers.

*rapid blinks*

Ok, I may feed you, family, but I ain't buying your azz a car. Get on the bus or get to walking. His brother has bought and paid for THREE CARS FOR TPL! His brother made himself rich, not TPL. That entitlement  stuff is crazy. TPL didn't give him any loans or cosign for anything but he thinks he is entitled to his brother's help whenever he requests it. Which is annually. This year his brother let him swim on his own and TPL is pissed. His brother is hurt and understandably so. Normally, the sister-in-law tries to smooth things over. Well she called to get TPL's side of things and this time sided with her husband so TPL hung up on her too. *smh* Ungrateful azz.

Other than that God is Good and all is right with the world. *waves popcorn at the screen*