I guess someone's feelings were hurt

So, last night after I posted yesterday’s blog I got on fb to see what everyone was up to, play a few games, and check some music posts.  I go to my woman’s group and look what one of the ladies posted. *chuckle*  Yup, posted by one of the ladies I thought was a bit miffed with me. Oh well.  Can’t agree all the time.

I’m glad I saw it after I dumped my argument here.  Last night I looked at it, chuckled good-naturedly and thought, ditto, hon, ditto.  Your argument still makes zero sense.  The only thing I cannot and will not willing accept from a bi-sexual man is his penis and because of that I’m intolerant and prejudiced in your mind. *smh*  Nope.  I don’t believe it and I’m not taking the bait ever again…in my woman’s group. *chuckle*

Intolerance is when you don’t want someone as your neighbor, coworker, boss, grocery clerk, President, doctor, lawyer, Indian Chief *chuckle*, etc. because of something about them that they were born with and cannot change.

My sexual orientation is one of those things I was born with and cannot change according to those whose orientation is homosexual.  My sexual orientation is heterosexual.  I prefer a heterosexual mate.  It is imperative to my sanity and continued good health.

The funny part is that there were a couple women who chimed in that they were open to being with a man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  So there are women out there that they can be honest with and they’ll still want to be with them.  They just don’t feel that they should give a woman a chance to reject them.  They just need to man up and accept that not every woman, even the woman they think is perfect for them, is going to want to be in a sexual relationship with them.  Just like every man whose sexual orientation is heterosexual has to accept it.

Good grief.  I’m fat and there are lots of men who are not interested in being in a relationship with me.  That is their preference and they have a right to it.  And *gasp* I accept that. I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who accepts me as I am than try to hide some parts of me that they may not like. Then flipping it around to make it the other person's fault that you're lying to them. People really?

*smh in wonder*  It is just so weird how things have flip flopped.  Once upon a time people tried to change people whose sexual orientation was anything but heterosexual.  Well, in some places they are still trying.  Still people have yelled, screamed, protested, passed laws to protect people whose sexual orientation is not heterosexual and now they have the right to be with who they want.  Now, I got someone telling me that I don’t have the right to be with who I want because that is not acceptance? *head scratch* Yeah.  Her argument makes zero sense.

Then as I thought about it I realized that people this invested in an argument usually have something or someone they are thinking of when they argue so vehemently.  I don’t know who the bi-sexual is in her life but I wish them both wellness and honesty in their sexual relationships.

There are stories I could tell about this mess happening on the down low.  I know TPL has a friend I use to call Baby Hairs.  I called this guy Baby Hairs because he is a flaming queen who always had his baby hairs slicked down around his face. *chuckling*  Seriously, I couldn’t make that up in my wildest dreams.  The first time I met him I could barely get myself together to say hello.  A grown man coming up on 30 years of age with baby hairs greased and slicked down around his face like a little girl was something I had never seen before or since.

So I’d get updates from TPL as well as from Baby Hairs himself on the few occasions we all went out together.  So one day over lunch TPL says Baby Hairs is back to dating women.  I burst out laughing thinking it was all a big joke.  Yeah.  Right.  I say.  He kept assuring me that it was true.

I was like to each their own then because I thought that was taking fag hagdom to a new level.  TPL said they don’t know he is gay.  He has changed himself up to look like a thug.  I couldn’t even begin to imagine it.  I laughed all through his explanations.  To be noted here, at this time Baby Hairs had been diagnosed as HIV+.

TPL figured he could show me better than he could tell me because I knew him to be TPL at that point.  Why did he show up with this now 30 something man looking and sounding like a regular 30 something straight man?  All signs of the queen of baby hairs gone!

So now I had questions!  Most importantly, does/do the woman/women he’s having sex with know he’s HIV+.  TPL said he didn’t know and from his manner he didn’t care.  Normally, I go in for telling the long story but I’d like to forget this mess one day so I won’t immortalize his whole story.  Just know that he was at one point trying to get a woman pregnant while infected with HIV.  He goes back and forth when he’s feeling the need to know he can still pull women.  Sometime around the time TPL’s daughter started dating this no longer became funny to him and for a time they stopped speaking until Baby Hairs went back to dating men exclusively.  Baby Hairs’ family knew about his back and forth ways but never said a word to the women who he dated.

To be noted, I don’t care who Baby Hairs was dating, he should have been being honest about his HIV+ status with everyone.  TPL never seemed to want to answer my questions about who knew his status and who didn’t.  From the things that slipped down through the years the men knew and whether the women knew or not was never answered.

Though one time he almost got as good as he was giving.  One day he called up the woman he was trying impregnate to let her know he was on his way over to her place.  She told him fine but that they couldn’t have sex as she was having an outbreak.  He asked what she was talking about.  She then reminded him that she had herpes.  She had told him when they were just friends and then he forgot by the time they got around to being sex partners.  So he dumped her and went back to men because the last thing he needed was herpes and HIV.

So, she told him what she had but he didn’t feel the need to disclose what he had.  Uh huh.  Then it all came out in a messy court case. *eye rolls*

Child, I got so much of Baby Hairs drama from TPL through the years that I had to give him a new nickname that I shall not repeat here. *chuckle*

At any rate, I think I’ll be scarce for a bit to give the ladies a chance to cool off. 

They are almost all younger than me and we’ve had different experiences.  I understand that they’ve had a lot more positive ones than negative.  I think I’ve had a lot more negative than positive.  So I look at things a lot differently because I’ve seen the underbelly (love that word) of a lot of relationships, heterosexual and homosexual.  It ain’t all roses and butterfly kisses.

Oh well.  I still got three other places to hang out on the net and *sighs* I got plenty of stuff to do around the house.

*looks at some projects that need finishing*

I wasn’t riled or angry about this…until now.

It seems like wherever I go on the internet among black folk these days I eventually run into the topic of black men whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  Sometimes multiple times.  Yesterday on Baller Alert it reared its head again as a member posted that she had just found out that the guy she had been talking to via the Internet for the past year was bi-sexual.  Yesterday he had only been with one guy.  Today it is up to two.

We offered her support and advice that ranged from drop him to safe sex to being friends without benefits.  Then a member chimed in that it made him/her (not sure because they are relatively new) angry when black women don’t accept a black man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  He/she admonished us about accepting them.  A long time member replied, if accepting them means having sex with them then no.  I paraphrase but yeah that is my feeling, too.

So I hopped over to my women’s group on FB to discuss it, yet again *chuckle*.  This was the first time I had ever brought up the topic though.  Anyway, we had a good discussion and I finally got my perfect answer that no one seemed to be able to refute though they did a lot of dancing around it.  It is this:

“I'm not disputing that women cheat. I'm just saying that I trust a woman not to cheat more than I trust a man not to cheat. The articles proclaiming that black bi-men who end up infecting their female partners with HIV/AIDS because they were denied the ability to be honest about their sexuality always fail to emphasize one point: if they hadn't been cheating in the first place then they never would have gotten HIV/AIDS. Doesn't that mean that black bisexual men can't be trusted to be faithful?”

I copied that direct from our post. That was my stand and I’m sticking to it.  Me and one lady agreed to disagree and parted happily enough.  I think the other two are miffed with me. *chuckle*

I know a few of the ladies in our group are bi-sexual.  I think they believe that what I think of men who are bi is what I think of women who are bi.  That just isn’t true.  Women and men are wired differently.  Men keep telling us this and we keep ignoring them.  I’m listening and paying attention, fellas, finally!

See, I may have stated it before and I’ll state it again and keep on stating it.  You cannot stop a black man from doing anything he wants to do or make him do what he does not want to do.

Nothing brought this home to me more than this news story from right here in Maryland.

BALTIMORE -- Quiet suffering continues more than five decades after a law tore apart a Baltimore couple and put their child in an orphanage.  Shirley Howard Billy has since returned to the place that held her captive in the 1950s: the former Pine Street Women's Jail, now an historic site.

Officials indicted and arrested Shirley Billy after she became pregnant by a black man. Now, at age 75, Billy and her 76-year-old husband, John, recently visited the former jail and reflected on how their relationship has endured.

"I never forget about it. I always think about it. I know it has been a long time, but it doesn't go away. It's creepy," Shirley Billy said of her time in the jail. "I cried all night. I was afraid I'd never get out."

Woman Indicted For Carrying Black Man's Child

Pictures help tell the story of the Billys' 53-year-old marriage, but in 1956, hair and clothing styles were much different, and so were social attitudes about interracial couples, WBAL-TV 11 News I-Team reporter Barry Simms said.

The indictment from May 1956 claims "Shirley Ann Howard, who was then and there a white woman, unlawfully suffered and permitted herself to be begotten with child by a negro or mulatto, to wit, John Moses Billy."

The penalty she faced amounted to 18 months to five years in prison.

"I had to go down to the grand jury to verify that I was the father of Shirley Howard's baby, and I wasn't about to deny it," John Billy said.

At the time, John Billy was a 21-year-old musician performing with a band known as The Honeyboys, and Shirley Howard was 20. To this day, she still has questions.

She said she has questions about "how this all came about. Why they pursued it with me and not other people. I could never get answers."

Officials Put Couple's Son In Orphanage

Shirley Billy spent one night in jail before getting bailed out, but that was only part of the ordeal. Social Services and Child Welfare officials took the couple's son, Johnny, and placed him in an orphanage, St. Elizabeth's Home for Colored Infants and Children, where he spent nearly two years.

"My son was in St. Elizabeth for quite a while," Shirley Billy said. "I had every day to think about how to get him home."  Shirley Billy's attorney argued that the origins of the Maryland law that landed her in jail dated back to 1663 and slavery. A later version in 1715 penalized white women who got pregnant by black men. The Billys said the law had never been enforced until Shirley Billy's arrest.

"I think, at the time, they wanted to take Shirley and make an example out of her," John Shirley said.

To get her son back, Shirley Billy had to prove to the court she was working, had a place to live and was married. John Billy said he was drafted into the Army during peacetime, but after basic training, he returned home and the couple married in 1958.

"We had to go to D.C. to get married," Shirley Billy said. "It was illegal in Maryland."

Case Dismissed; Apology Requested

A judge dismissed the case against Shirley Billy, which she said she never knew because her attorney told her not to go to court that day. The state since abolished the law, declaring it unconstitutional in 1957, but the impact of all of this estranged Shirley Billy from her family for more than 20 years.

Shirley Billy said her mother didn't get to know the grandchildren -- Johnny, Gregory and Terry -- until they were adults.

"I always said my mother ... missed out because they were really, really good, nice children," Shirley Billy said.  The Billys said they have suffered quietly, and now they are only seeking one thing.

"My position is an apology she should have gotten from the state of Maryland and from the city of Baltimore," John Billy said.  "John wants it for me. It's a thorn in his side. He wants it for me, and if he gets it, that's fine," Shirley Billy said.  "I want closure for you," John Billy said.

John Billy sent the following letter to Gov. Martin O'Malley in November: "My wife was arrested and put in jail because she broke a 275-year-old law in Maryland ... The law has since been taken off the books but the damage has already been done. I feel the state of Maryland and the city of Baltimore owes my wife an apology."

The Billys are still waiting for a response, something to prove the state of Maryland regrets the humiliation of the past. John Billy has yet to make a formal request for an apology to the city of Baltimore.

Read more: http://www.wbaltv.com/news/30460297/detail.html#ixzz1rJ9EsXqH

He’s lucky he didn’t get lynched when he got home.  Maryland is the old line state. Don’t let the bougie black people fool you.  There are places here in Baltimore that I would tell a black person to stay away from in the daylight hours let alone the night.

So in a time when a black man could be killed for dating, let alone marrying a white woman, you couldn’t stop them.  How is it that in 2012 they are being prevented from being bi-sexual?  Not gay.  Just bi-sexual.

Yeah.  Right.

I don’t understand why I don’t have the right to keep my vagina free of fecal matter.  That stuff gets all up in their peens and there is no peen douche.  Then they ejaculate it all into their women.  No thank you.  We can be friends if he likes but that is all. *shrug*  My body and my health.  HIV/AIDS is not the way to die if you don’t have to and for the most part you don’t.

I discussed the statistics that I got from the CDC mind you.  And I’m not much on stats either because they can be manipulated any which way you want.  But what I do notice is that they have yet to trace a single lesbian to contracting HIV/AIDS from homosexual activities.  All women who have gotten HIV/AIDS on the CDC’s stats either got it from blood transfusion, sharing dirty needles, or sex with a man who was HIV/AIDS infected.  The latter is the leading cause of women contracting HIV/AIDS.

Race or Ethnicity	Estimated # of AIDS Diagnoses, 2009	Cumulative Estimated # of AIDS Diagnoses, Through 2009*
American Indian/Alaska Native	155	3,700
Asiana	429	8,324
Black/African American	16,741	466,351
Hispanic/Latinob	6,719	190,263
Native Hawaiian/Other Pacific Islander	50	839
White	9,467	426,102
Multiple Races	686	12,726

* From the beginning of the epidemic through 2009.
^a Includes Asian/Pacific Islander legacy cases.
^b Hispanics/Latinos can be of any race.

Link:  http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsrace

Now, I don’t know when HIV/AIDS made its official debut on the scientific scene.  I just know that at 13 years of age I picked up a Time magazine and the cover read something like this: AIDS KILLS THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION.  *chuckle*

I remember being sad about it because I had been reading my friend’s father’s dirty mags and sex sounded like fun.  We couldn’t wait until we were old enough to join in the fun.  AIDS killed all those happy thoughts for us real quick. 

I am 44 years old now.  So they’ve been tracking HIV/AIDS cases for over 30 years now.  And the only way to date that a woman has gotten the disease is through blood transfusion, sharing dirty needles, or having sex with a man who is HIV/AIDS infected.  The leading cause for all women is having sex with a man who is HIV/AIDS infected.  And you want me to trust that a bi-sexual man is not going to cheat with another man?  Seriously?  Really?

Chile please.  The only reason they don’t want to come out of the closet is because they know they aren’t going to be faithful.  If the wife/girlfriend doesn’t know she should be checking how much time he spends with his male “friends” then he is free and in the clear to jump in as many booty holes as he wants to and vice versa.

I just don’t get the hostility toward me or anyone else who is not interested in DATING or MARRYING a person whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  Why don’t I have that right?

Those whose sexual orientation is homosexual are fighting for the right to a civil marriage.  Do I have to fight for the right not to be dating/married to a bi-sexual man?  I don’t even understand why I have to explain myself.  I don’t ask transgendered persons to explain themselves beyond what they say their mind is telling them.  Why is it my fault that my mind isn’t wired to be sexually attracted to a man who is bi-sexual?

If I were dating a man and he told me his sexual orientation is bisexual he would be moved to the friend zone.  Why?  Because I just don’t trust that he will be faithful.  Why set either one of us for a lot of suspicion, mistrust, and eventual heartbreak.  I don’t knock any woman who does it.  I would tell her to be safe and keep it moving.  It isn’t for me and I don’t understand why I’m wrong?

Is he wrong for wanting to sleep with men and women?  What about all the diseases and infections I could be opening myself up to by having sexual relations with a man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual?  There isn’t just HIV/AIDS.  Don’t forget E. coli infections; hepatitis A, B; and C; and thank you American Cancer Society for letting me know that most of the people who get anal cancer, the rarest form of cancer, usually contract it through the anal sexual transmission of the Human papillomavirus.  Now I know why they want to vaccinate boys and girls for Human papillomavirus.  Risk Factors for Anal Cancer ACS

So when I add all that up it doesn’t seem worth it for me.  *shrug*  How about he accept my friendship?  Because if the only way for me to show acceptance of a man whose sexuality is bi-sexual is to have sex with him then call me a non-accepting heffa cuz I ain’t doing it.

*rolls eyes, sucks teeth, and chucks the whole lot of men who are bi-sexual the peace sign*

Adventures on the Internet

Happy New Year!

Again! *chuckles*

My Christmas was interesting. I am working on that post but it’s complicated and I’m trying to make it less so. *shrug* I’m trying.

In the meantime, I wanted to speak about my new lurking spot. Just a little bit.

Like I said in another post, I stopped going to my old spot becuz it would be too weird with My Obsession there. I’d kind a feel like I was stalking him or something.

Oh snap! But I did set up another blog for him to check out. You see, I am kind of a closet writer of sorts. I’m no Stephen King, Mary Monroe, or Sidney Sheldon or anything. It’s just something I do for kicks and relaxation. Anyhoodles, My Obsession told me this dream that kind of inspired a short story that is turning into a novella. *smh chuckling* I thought I would be finished by now but I am not. So I posted what I had completed there and sent him a link. He is supposed to be moving sometime this month to a place with limited internet access. I figured he could check my progress whenever (or if ever) he got the time or inclination. I haven’t heard back from him so he may already be gone. I hope he likes it. If not, oh well I tried.

Anyway, this new spot is just perfect for me. If you make a comment they don’t like no one tells you to die, drink bleach and die, or suck a dyck. *snort chuckle* Truly, the old spot could be fun but one or two of them could be kind of scary if they didn’t like your opinion. I know one day someone made a comment about there being a clique there and a member of the clique came out to say that’s not true. As I sat there reading what got me was not the fact that no one else chimed in to say they agreed there is a clique on that site. What got me was that fact that NO ONE chimed in to agree with the clique member that there is no clique on the site. *chuckle*

There are cliques on most of the popular sites. And that’s fine. It’s the clique that makes it interesting and that will make you want to sit awhile and get to know the site. There’s nothing wrong with a clique as long as the clique plays fair and nice.

I didn’t invite my clique here…well…becuz…at some point I am gonna blog about all of them. LOL

What drew me into this new spot was the thread about how we women lie to men and this was the thread to tell him what you always wanted to tell him. I was in tears reading the responses. TEARS!!!! A gay man chimed in and iDied and was resuscitated. So that made me look around and try to get a feel for the place.

It’s one of those members’ spots. You don’t have to be a member to lurk only to post. But once you become a member you can actually start your own thread. One thread in particular had me ready to sign up cuz though they did get to arguing no one was told to die, drink bleach, etc. But I didn’t have to becuz everyone ended up saying everything I wanted to say.

Anyway the thread author wanted to know what to do about her man. Long story short she didn’t like the advice she was given. The thread was a few weeks old. So the author had come back a few times with updates and disparaging remarks about the advice she didn’t like.

Hoe-kay! Why did a clique member come back with a link to a past thread where the author questioned what to do about the fact that her man’s sex skillz had suddenly fallen off? Then the clique member asked her was this the same dude. It took her 24 hours to respond that yes it was.  The told her dump two months ago.  They told her to dump him in December.  She does not like that advice and the argument that ensued was priceless.

I.


Am.


A.


Fan.


And.


I.


Am.


Hooked.

That is all. *laughing all loud and rude*

I needed that laugh. Cuz, while tooling around the net looking for a new place to lurk I found another blog by a guy who was once on the down low. In case you don’t know, a man (or woman for that matter) on the down low is a person who is presenting themselves to the world as heterosexual and secretly having homosexual affairs. He is a black man from the same area as me and reading his blog just made me so sad.

I read his most recent post first and he is no longer on the down low but he discusses his lovers who are on the down low. However, when he started the blog he was married with kids. It was just amazing how he found time to meet with men. One day he had three sexual encounters with men. The last encounter was a threesome! All while carrying on a marriage and family and job.

*smh very sadly*

I am reading from the beginning forward. These men just play Russian roulette with their women and children’s lives. They don’t seem to care. After reading just a few of his posts I just got really sad. I got the feeling that black people would all be dead from AIDS by the end of this century. I hope that will change as I continue reading his blog.

So many of my friends don’t know their status. They don’t ask their men to get tested for STDs. They tell me that they trust that God won’t send them an HIV+ man. Yeah, ok. But He also gives you common sense and knowledge on how to protect yourself. Use it! They ain’t hearing me.

I guess because I have had the chance to look into the faces of AIDS it has affected me. It is no way to die. And all you have to do is love yourself enough to get tested, test the people you are having sex with, and practice the safest sex possible.

AND DAMN IT BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION!

It’s not fair for you to lie about that. Men who live on the down low live very dangerous lives. That’s your choice but it’s not the choice of your wives, girlfriends and children.

The black men who do it say that they lie because society won’t let them be gay.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


I ain’t buying it. I have never known anyone to be able to stop a black man from doing any damn thing he wanted to do. Except of course a black man.


My humble opinion? I think they hate themselves. Only self hate could make you risk your own life and the lives of the people who love you.

Just my humble opinion.

*tips water bottle at monitor*