I gotta say it somewhere...

Happy New Year!

I know, long time no write.  I’ve been happily busy.  Which is a very good thing.

I only stopped by here because I have to say this somewhere before I bust.  I can’t say this to the person who started the fb post because there would be a war on her wall and it is not that serious.  I can’t say it in my women’s group because the most vocal ones love that tv show that I call Kizzy Does DC (KDDC).  I refuse to mention the show’s real name but it has Kerry W. in the lead role.  They will defend that show to the last drop of their blood.  They’ve already done so and continue to do so just disgusted that they have to keep defending the show.  They defend that show like they are defending themselves.

Look, I like some of Nicki Minaj’s songs and I don’t defend her when people attack her.  I pay for her music to entertain me.  She isn’t giving me a thin coin to defend her and I don’t.  So I figure they must see themselves in Kizzy and are defending themselves. *shrug* The needle on my f*cks to give meter remains at rest.

Anyway the fb post was about a book on amazon listed as interracial erotica.  Now it isn’t actually erotica.  It is pure smut.  Black chick and her strong white man.  But they don’t call the black woman a chick, they use the word Ho or Hoe.  I forget.  Anyway they were all outraged and one wondered who sanctioned this “filth”.

I had to go to bed early, I was asleep before 9 pm, because it was taking everything in me to not type the following:

The people sanctioning what you term as filth are in fact every single person who is in love with the tv show KDDC or as it is formally known _________.  What y’all don’t get while y’all are screaming “Do it Kizzy!” at the tv is that the show feeds into the fetish that a lot of caucasian men (heck and I imagine some caucasian women too) have about black women.  They would love to be able to screw that smart, articulate, accomplished, attractive, composed black woman in their place of employment, gym or wherever absolutely filthy.  Most black women don’t get that there are eyes set in caucasian faces crawling all over them every day that wish they could treat them like a black ho/hoe.  They don’t want to date black women, just use their bodies for sexual gratification.  Oh and they would like it very much if you, black ho/hoe, would love the degrading way they treat you in the bedroom.  Please and thanks.

There is no love between Kizzy and either of the caucasian men that the writers keep passing her back and forth between like a cheap bottle of muscatel.  When this show is off the air and a few years have passed, SOME people will see the show clearly.  Some will still romanticize it.  Kinda like how I feel about Gem and the Holograms. *chuckling*

I realized that black women really didn’t realize why the show was on the air when I saw someone circulating a petition to have them end the affair with Kizzy’s married massa.  I laughed and shook my head knowing that would never happen.  The day it does, the show will be canceled, not finaled, but canceled five episodes later.

That would mean she would be left with the caucasian who is single, I think.  I don’t watch the show.  I just notice from my fb newsfeed who she’s with by who everyone is panting about that week.  She even had a black beaux for a minute, I guess.  One of her caucasian massas either killed him or had him killed.  Don’t know.  Don’t care.  However, left with an unattached caucasian male would mean that they would be dating.  He would treat her like a woman who is his equal instead of the black ho/hoe that he is using for sex while basking in her love as he treats her like a ho/hoe.

Pay attention: THAT AIN’T GOING TO HAPPEN ON THIS SHOW!

That’s not what the show is about for the caucasians who watch it and write it and that is all that matters.  It has even been leaked that when Miz Shonda ends the show, things will end badly for Kizzy.  As it is supposed to.  A jump off isn’t supposed to have a happily ever after.  Look at Alicia Keys.  She got Whiz but she also got to help him pay his child support payments to the baby mommas before, during, and probably after they got married.  She’s a laughing stock as she should be because she was a jump off to a married man.

Kizzy should have just as bad an end. *shrug* And the leaks seem to say Miz Shonda and the caucasians funding the show agree.

Back to my point, every time a black woman/girl extolls this show, in the fetishizing caucasians’ minds that means that there are black women/girls open to being treated like Kizzy right here and now in 2015.  And that boys and girls is why there is this fetish erotica that y’all are calling filth.  This is what called it into being.

Heck, the books that they were discussing on fb have commenters remarking that they made mistakes in the book.  Black women don’t have pink nipples and they kept mixing up blonde and black hair in the same book! LOL In other words, someone took out their manuscript written about caucasians and just redid the female character and made her black.  Then they didn’t do a very good job of editing it on top of it.  LOL

And though they hate it, those books are in the top fifty thousand on amazon.  Why is that notable?  Because amazon has over seven million books on their site.  Some of those books are well known best sellers by authors the masses know and love.  Books that have been made into plays and movies.  And these smutty fetish books are in the top fifty thousand with them.  Not top million or even hundred thousand but fifty.  Yeah.  There is evidently a lot of money to be made in these kinds of smutty books.  And they get sanctioned every time black women sit down and enjoy, tweet, fb, blog, etc about how much they love KDDC.

*sighs*  Okay.  It is out now and I can go back to chill mode.

A fabulous new year to you!  *fingerwaves*

So long, farewell, something something, and goodbye to Facebook

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo…I’m gone from Facebook…again. This time for good. I do not play he said she said and I am too old for electronic battles.  I got real life battles to deal with.

So I am on FB Saturday afternoon trying to play catch up when I head over to my ladies group and evidently TDP and HKS are having some type of fb argument.  I can’t see anything TDP writes because he blocked me ages ago. *shrug* Turns out it is a blessing, God is awesome! Since I can’t see it then I can’t be pulled into it.

However, one of my fb buddies tried to pull me into it. I was like, wait…what?  Why are you calling me out and you know all the dirt? Is what I was thinking. *chuckle* I basically gave a “no comment” comment and exited the group. Not that I didn’t want to say something, because game recognizes game, but I knew it wasn’t my place.

Anyway what struck me as always was how quick the women in the group were to jump on HKS. Long story short he’s moving him and his son to VA to live with her. As in now. Um, school ends in about a month. Why is he yanking his kid out of school this close to the end of the school year?  That was my thought. Not why isn’t HKS responding to him about the move. That’s his son, not hers.

Everyone kept saying, but there is a child involved. I’m thinking, yeah, his child. Because if the situation were reversed then everyone would be looking at her like she was crazy for yanking her kid out of school before the school year ended and moving to another state to depend on some man.

I know this because we already had a similar scenario on BA. *chuckle*

Anyway, it threw me into another round of self examination. Because my response and thoughts were so totally different from everyone else’s. I mean, I do not think of myself as a bitch. But considering the way all the other women were just jumping on HKS, I was wondering had I turned into a bitch without realizing it.

I guess what I am trying to figure out now at the age of 44 years is how much compassion do you show a person?  All the other ladies were just so concerned about the child and his father. Me on the other hand:

Seriously. I couldn’t care less about his situation. Maybe I know too much of their back story.  Maybe it is the fact that I didn’t attend his birthday party but sent a gift, and notified him ahead of time that I couldn’t attend due to illness and apologized AND he was still pissy months later.  That told me a lot about his character right there. I just shook my head when he called himself subliminally cussing me out about it on twitter. *shrug* He’s damn near 40 years old and mad because someone didn’t attend his birthday party. Seriously? Yeah. Ok.

Seriously, if you send me a gift on my birthday instead of coming to see me because you are sick, I ain’t going to be mad with you depending on the gift. *chuckle*

But back to me being a bitch.  Am I just a cold unfeeling bitch? I guess that will be one of the things for me to work on and think about. I never thought I was. I thought I was compassionate and caring but the whole time they were talking about HKS, I just kept thinking “That’s his kid, not hers. She owes him and that kid zilch.”

How much compassion do you show to him and his child in this situation? He’s not moving to Virginia to BE with her, he’s moving him and his child IN with her. And I am being left with the impression he doesn’t have a job and is still married to his wife. Oh the wife is staying here in public housing.

He ain’t married to me then he can’t live with me and I don’t do men with young children. AND I DAMN FOR SURE DON’T DO MEN WHO ARE MARRIED TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME!

And what the rest of them don’t know is that those two sometimes make each other mad in order to enhance their sex lives. When HKS and I were friends she would be pissed with him and they’d do and say things to each other to make each other madder. Then they’d get together for a sex session and work all that aggression out.  Then they would be cool again. It works for them.

So while I’m contemplating my bitch status those two may be somewhere burning a hole in a floor. Maybe.  One thing I am 90% sure of is that this ain’t over by a long shot and I am excusing myself from the drama. I am going to miss the shenanigans. Oh well. To everything a season under Heaven.  I guess my season with FB is over.

I wasn’t riled or angry about this…until now.

It seems like wherever I go on the internet among black folk these days I eventually run into the topic of black men whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  Sometimes multiple times.  Yesterday on Baller Alert it reared its head again as a member posted that she had just found out that the guy she had been talking to via the Internet for the past year was bi-sexual.  Yesterday he had only been with one guy.  Today it is up to two.

We offered her support and advice that ranged from drop him to safe sex to being friends without benefits.  Then a member chimed in that it made him/her (not sure because they are relatively new) angry when black women don’t accept a black man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  He/she admonished us about accepting them.  A long time member replied, if accepting them means having sex with them then no.  I paraphrase but yeah that is my feeling, too.

So I hopped over to my women’s group on FB to discuss it, yet again *chuckle*.  This was the first time I had ever brought up the topic though.  Anyway, we had a good discussion and I finally got my perfect answer that no one seemed to be able to refute though they did a lot of dancing around it.  It is this:

“I'm not disputing that women cheat. I'm just saying that I trust a woman not to cheat more than I trust a man not to cheat. The articles proclaiming that black bi-men who end up infecting their female partners with HIV/AIDS because they were denied the ability to be honest about their sexuality always fail to emphasize one point: if they hadn't been cheating in the first place then they never would have gotten HIV/AIDS. Doesn't that mean that black bisexual men can't be trusted to be faithful?”

I copied that direct from our post. That was my stand and I’m sticking to it.  Me and one lady agreed to disagree and parted happily enough.  I think the other two are miffed with me. *chuckle*

I know a few of the ladies in our group are bi-sexual.  I think they believe that what I think of men who are bi is what I think of women who are bi.  That just isn’t true.  Women and men are wired differently.  Men keep telling us this and we keep ignoring them.  I’m listening and paying attention, fellas, finally!

See, I may have stated it before and I’ll state it again and keep on stating it.  You cannot stop a black man from doing anything he wants to do or make him do what he does not want to do.

Nothing brought this home to me more than this news story from right here in Maryland.

BALTIMORE -- Quiet suffering continues more than five decades after a law tore apart a Baltimore couple and put their child in an orphanage.  Shirley Howard Billy has since returned to the place that held her captive in the 1950s: the former Pine Street Women's Jail, now an historic site.

Officials indicted and arrested Shirley Billy after she became pregnant by a black man. Now, at age 75, Billy and her 76-year-old husband, John, recently visited the former jail and reflected on how their relationship has endured.

"I never forget about it. I always think about it. I know it has been a long time, but it doesn't go away. It's creepy," Shirley Billy said of her time in the jail. "I cried all night. I was afraid I'd never get out."

Woman Indicted For Carrying Black Man's Child

Pictures help tell the story of the Billys' 53-year-old marriage, but in 1956, hair and clothing styles were much different, and so were social attitudes about interracial couples, WBAL-TV 11 News I-Team reporter Barry Simms said.

The indictment from May 1956 claims "Shirley Ann Howard, who was then and there a white woman, unlawfully suffered and permitted herself to be begotten with child by a negro or mulatto, to wit, John Moses Billy."

The penalty she faced amounted to 18 months to five years in prison.

"I had to go down to the grand jury to verify that I was the father of Shirley Howard's baby, and I wasn't about to deny it," John Billy said.

At the time, John Billy was a 21-year-old musician performing with a band known as The Honeyboys, and Shirley Howard was 20. To this day, she still has questions.

She said she has questions about "how this all came about. Why they pursued it with me and not other people. I could never get answers."

Officials Put Couple's Son In Orphanage

Shirley Billy spent one night in jail before getting bailed out, but that was only part of the ordeal. Social Services and Child Welfare officials took the couple's son, Johnny, and placed him in an orphanage, St. Elizabeth's Home for Colored Infants and Children, where he spent nearly two years.

"My son was in St. Elizabeth for quite a while," Shirley Billy said. "I had every day to think about how to get him home."  Shirley Billy's attorney argued that the origins of the Maryland law that landed her in jail dated back to 1663 and slavery. A later version in 1715 penalized white women who got pregnant by black men. The Billys said the law had never been enforced until Shirley Billy's arrest.

"I think, at the time, they wanted to take Shirley and make an example out of her," John Shirley said.

To get her son back, Shirley Billy had to prove to the court she was working, had a place to live and was married. John Billy said he was drafted into the Army during peacetime, but after basic training, he returned home and the couple married in 1958.

"We had to go to D.C. to get married," Shirley Billy said. "It was illegal in Maryland."

Case Dismissed; Apology Requested

A judge dismissed the case against Shirley Billy, which she said she never knew because her attorney told her not to go to court that day. The state since abolished the law, declaring it unconstitutional in 1957, but the impact of all of this estranged Shirley Billy from her family for more than 20 years.

Shirley Billy said her mother didn't get to know the grandchildren -- Johnny, Gregory and Terry -- until they were adults.

"I always said my mother ... missed out because they were really, really good, nice children," Shirley Billy said.  The Billys said they have suffered quietly, and now they are only seeking one thing.

"My position is an apology she should have gotten from the state of Maryland and from the city of Baltimore," John Billy said.  "John wants it for me. It's a thorn in his side. He wants it for me, and if he gets it, that's fine," Shirley Billy said.  "I want closure for you," John Billy said.

John Billy sent the following letter to Gov. Martin O'Malley in November: "My wife was arrested and put in jail because she broke a 275-year-old law in Maryland ... The law has since been taken off the books but the damage has already been done. I feel the state of Maryland and the city of Baltimore owes my wife an apology."

The Billys are still waiting for a response, something to prove the state of Maryland regrets the humiliation of the past. John Billy has yet to make a formal request for an apology to the city of Baltimore.

Read more: http://www.wbaltv.com/news/30460297/detail.html#ixzz1rJ9EsXqH

He’s lucky he didn’t get lynched when he got home.  Maryland is the old line state. Don’t let the bougie black people fool you.  There are places here in Baltimore that I would tell a black person to stay away from in the daylight hours let alone the night.

So in a time when a black man could be killed for dating, let alone marrying a white woman, you couldn’t stop them.  How is it that in 2012 they are being prevented from being bi-sexual?  Not gay.  Just bi-sexual.

Yeah.  Right.

I don’t understand why I don’t have the right to keep my vagina free of fecal matter.  That stuff gets all up in their peens and there is no peen douche.  Then they ejaculate it all into their women.  No thank you.  We can be friends if he likes but that is all. *shrug*  My body and my health.  HIV/AIDS is not the way to die if you don’t have to and for the most part you don’t.

I discussed the statistics that I got from the CDC mind you.  And I’m not much on stats either because they can be manipulated any which way you want.  But what I do notice is that they have yet to trace a single lesbian to contracting HIV/AIDS from homosexual activities.  All women who have gotten HIV/AIDS on the CDC’s stats either got it from blood transfusion, sharing dirty needles, or sex with a man who was HIV/AIDS infected.  The latter is the leading cause of women contracting HIV/AIDS.

Race or Ethnicity	Estimated # of AIDS Diagnoses, 2009	Cumulative Estimated # of AIDS Diagnoses, Through 2009*
American Indian/Alaska Native	155	3,700
Asiana	429	8,324
Black/African American	16,741	466,351
Hispanic/Latinob	6,719	190,263
Native Hawaiian/Other Pacific Islander	50	839
White	9,467	426,102
Multiple Races	686	12,726

* From the beginning of the epidemic through 2009.
^a Includes Asian/Pacific Islander legacy cases.
^b Hispanics/Latinos can be of any race.

Link:  http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsrace

Now, I don’t know when HIV/AIDS made its official debut on the scientific scene.  I just know that at 13 years of age I picked up a Time magazine and the cover read something like this: AIDS KILLS THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION.  *chuckle*

I remember being sad about it because I had been reading my friend’s father’s dirty mags and sex sounded like fun.  We couldn’t wait until we were old enough to join in the fun.  AIDS killed all those happy thoughts for us real quick. 

I am 44 years old now.  So they’ve been tracking HIV/AIDS cases for over 30 years now.  And the only way to date that a woman has gotten the disease is through blood transfusion, sharing dirty needles, or having sex with a man who is HIV/AIDS infected.  The leading cause for all women is having sex with a man who is HIV/AIDS infected.  And you want me to trust that a bi-sexual man is not going to cheat with another man?  Seriously?  Really?

Chile please.  The only reason they don’t want to come out of the closet is because they know they aren’t going to be faithful.  If the wife/girlfriend doesn’t know she should be checking how much time he spends with his male “friends” then he is free and in the clear to jump in as many booty holes as he wants to and vice versa.

I just don’t get the hostility toward me or anyone else who is not interested in DATING or MARRYING a person whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  Why don’t I have that right?

Those whose sexual orientation is homosexual are fighting for the right to a civil marriage.  Do I have to fight for the right not to be dating/married to a bi-sexual man?  I don’t even understand why I have to explain myself.  I don’t ask transgendered persons to explain themselves beyond what they say their mind is telling them.  Why is it my fault that my mind isn’t wired to be sexually attracted to a man who is bi-sexual?

If I were dating a man and he told me his sexual orientation is bisexual he would be moved to the friend zone.  Why?  Because I just don’t trust that he will be faithful.  Why set either one of us for a lot of suspicion, mistrust, and eventual heartbreak.  I don’t knock any woman who does it.  I would tell her to be safe and keep it moving.  It isn’t for me and I don’t understand why I’m wrong?

Is he wrong for wanting to sleep with men and women?  What about all the diseases and infections I could be opening myself up to by having sexual relations with a man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual?  There isn’t just HIV/AIDS.  Don’t forget E. coli infections; hepatitis A, B; and C; and thank you American Cancer Society for letting me know that most of the people who get anal cancer, the rarest form of cancer, usually contract it through the anal sexual transmission of the Human papillomavirus.  Now I know why they want to vaccinate boys and girls for Human papillomavirus.  Risk Factors for Anal Cancer ACS

So when I add all that up it doesn’t seem worth it for me.  *shrug*  How about he accept my friendship?  Because if the only way for me to show acceptance of a man whose sexuality is bi-sexual is to have sex with him then call me a non-accepting heffa cuz I ain’t doing it.

*rolls eyes, sucks teeth, and chucks the whole lot of men who are bi-sexual the peace sign*

He’s Playing You

I often wonder about whether other women know when a man is playing them. If not, why don’t they know? And if they do why do they let a man continue to play them? Do they just decide it doesn’t matter as long as they got a man? Is having a man or woman (for the men & lesbians) really that important? If so, then why am I not bitten by this I Gotta Have A Boo Bug as so many others seem to be? If it’s not that serious then why all the drama and heartache just to have a man (or woman) in your life?

Now, I don’t pretend to know jack about this subject. I ain’t been alive but 5 hot minutes, as my grandma use to say. So though I don’t have the answers I still would like to know. Perhaps I’ll stumble upon them as I live. I can only hope. I ain’t trying to hold up God, Jesus or one of their crew but so long in the afterlife trying to tie up my loose ends. *chuckle* Then there is always that thought lurking in the back of my mind that if I ask too many questions God might just say, “Girl, sounds like you need to go back.” And poof! I’m being born to start all over. No thank you. One go round on this planet is enough for me. *smh smiling*

I mean in the past I have known when guys were playing me. Now even though I knew, I still let them play me. Why? Just to see how far they would take it. To see if the guy in question really is a selfish, egotistical, narcistic azz. Cuz I tell you that I’ve had a brother that I met the week before call me up on Valentine’s Day telling me he needed $500 or he’s about to be evicted. No happy Valentine’s Day or nothing. Just he needs money or he’s about to be homeless. I told him I was broke…*shrug* and I wasn’t lying either cuz I was. I was making $20,000/year at the time and had my own apartment. Please tell me where I had an extra $500 to loan him.

I didn’t hear from him and I was actually worried when he didn’t return my calls. Then one day a few days afterward he picks up the phone. I ask him what happened and you know that begro (begging negro) had the nerve to get smart with me. He said, “Well obviously I didn’t get evicted.” Long story short the begro had a girlfriend already. More than likely he needed the money to take his girl out and was flat broke so he decided to try and trick me out of my hard earned cash. *smh*

Then there was the begro trying to move in with me after knowing him for 2 weeks becuz….wait for it… *smmfh* he had just bought a vehicle that he could not afford along with rent. He chose the vehicle over 4 walls, a bed, shower, and kitchen, etc. So he was sleeping in his truck. Now this begro had 2 jobs. I knew him from the part time job. I knew where he worked cuz coincidentally we both worked at the same company for our full time job. Different departments though. He actually made more on his full time job than me. *smh with eyeroll* Now I know we all get into financial binds but I am pretty sure he knew he couldn’t afford that truck before he bought it. Then he chose the truck over a home to lay his head. Then he thought he should be able to move in with me? Chile ain’t no one’s sex that good…if it is then I don’t want to meet him.

Last example cuz I ain’t typing all night *chuckle*. My ex the jailbird. *tired sigh* I said I’ve dated them all. I’ve had enough bad boys in my life to be totally cured of them.

He only had to do one year. ONE YEAR. He let them inmates play him and I don’t know how much of his time he actually did. I just know that I was done when he had another year added onto his time to serve.

Then one day he calls me up to say that his lawyer can get him out of this mess so he can come home. He asks me if I can loan his aunt $100 to help with the lawyer fee. He’d give it right back out of one of his hidden stashes as soon as he got home. *side eye with raised perfectly arched brow*

Knew it was a lie. Just knew it. Nobody had to tell me ish. I didn’t have to call around to my girlfriends and ask them jack. I knew without a shadow of a doubt BUT I wanted to see how much of a jackazz he really was.

So, I calmly lied and said “Boo, I’m broke. All I got is my jewelry.” I was living at home at the time bringing home $1200/month and paying my mom $200/month, sometimes. I had no car and no credit cards and no kids. I had a savings account and a checking account. I was flush.

Not to mention, I love all things sparkly and shiny. I would hock shyt for me. I would hock shyt for my kid if I had one. I might even hock shyt for 1 out of my 3 sisters. The rest of y’all can pretty much sucka a dyck and be on your way cuz I ain’t hocking MY JEWELRY for not so much as a one of you. JM IRDC *shrug*

I sat on the collect call that I was paying for and waited for his answer. And he said something to this effect, “Boo, you know as soon as I get home I got you. No doubt, girl. Do that for me.”

I shook my head and said “Ok, boo.” Then we settled into our nightly phone sex session. *smh at us*

I went down to my bank and took the money out of my savings account. I gave the money to his aunt and waited. He called everyday like all was cool. He was coming home. He gave me a date and everything. The day he was to come home he’d call me as soon as he was free and I’d meet him and we’d spend the day together.

Chile please, I didn’t even bother to take the day off cuz I knew that shyt was lies. So I took my azz to work like I had good sense. He was supposed to page me when he got home if he couldn’t reach me on my phone. No pages. No messages when I get home.

Mmmm hmmm.

So like clockwork I get my normal collect phone call when they switch the phones on at the jail. Supposedly there was some type of mix up. Mmm hmmm. His lawyer was gonna be pissed. Mmm Hmmm. All hell was gonna break loose when his lawyer got through with these people. Mmm hmmm.

So he asks, “Boo, you want your money back?” Now what the hell does he think if I had actually been stupid enough to hock my jewelry? I mean…really, boo, you gotta ask? So I answer yes so that I can get my stuff out of hock. He says cool or something like that and says he’ll return it. Then he doesn’t call for awhile which is totally unlike him. That ninja called me 7 days/week except when he was in solitary and twice on Saturday and Sunday.

So I go see his aunt and ask her did he send my money back to her and she says no. Ok…that night I do get a phone call and he is pissed. *Mr. Spock side eye* How dare I go to his aunt blah blah blah blah. I had been looking for an out and he presented me with one all packaged. I blew that shyt up into a relationship ending argument. He called me a bytch, told me to return his shyt cuz we were done and slammed the phone down on me. *grinning* And that’s all I wanted in the first place. It cost me a $100 but I didn’t have anyone stalking me, no drive bys, only a couple bytches yelled through the recording for the collect call and then he moved on to whoever. My azz went to Florida on vacation and relaxed my nerves. I was temping at the time and decided to take the rest of the month off when I got back. *LMAO* Gotta fukking love it.

A few years later I had moved out and just happened to be at my mom’s house and guess whose azz calls me from jail? My sister answered the phone cuz you know I wouldn’t have taken that call. We had a kind of code, if when the call went through he didn’t hear my voice he would say my nephew’s name in the recording. He played like he was nephew for a minute then asked for me. As I walked to the phone I had a feeling it was him. He was a pitiful begro on that call. I just calmly brought up how he disrespected me and how hurt I was blah blah blah blah blah blah. Got his azz off that phone quick fast and in a real hurry. Cuz I had a feeling he was lying when he said he was downtown, a local collect call costing just $0.85 back then.

Now when the bill comes in next month it’s for $5 plus change becuz he had been calling from an out of town correctional facility. *smh* Do you know my sister accepted the call but she expected me to pay for it cuz I talked to him last or longest or something? I gave her azz $6 and told her to keep the change. Cuz it wasn’t worth fussing over.

Funny how one year turned into more and he was still locked up. I didn’t wish him any harm. I put him out of my mind and only think of him when I run across my box of mementos.

See I know that if I let them fuk up then the onus is on them when I walk away. It’s not my fault and they have no one to blame but themselves. I only let them take it so far before I flip the script and leave.

So if I know…what’s up with everyone else?

See, I recently caught my self-satisfied smile on the face of a woman who I feel like is getting played by “her” (I’ll let you be the judge of whether he is truly hers or not) man. She was smiling the same smile back at me cuz she gotta man and I don’t.

You know me…all or nothing. I’m still good with nothing. She don’t get it yet but she will if we spend enough time around each other. Then she’ll be perplexed and the questions will begin. Or the resentment. *shrug* I am so done apologizing for being me when I ain’t hurting a soul.

Anyhoodles, she is married. She believes in that exact same mess that Mo’Nique is talking about. She doesn’t believe in monogamy blah blah blah. Whatever helps you get through your life. I don’t live there and it ain’t my coochay that he’s running up in with different coochays and azzes all on his peen. So do you Mo and all the folk who follow behind you. AIDS is no way to die if you ain’t got to. I will repeat this until I am senile and can’t remember the ish no more.

Back to topic. So her man is free to cheat in their marriage. After a year of marriage he decides he wants to be single. She is walking around here in tears cuz a) all her sick time was used up to have her tubes untied so they can try to have a baby b) she don’t understand why he won’t stay married to her since he can cheat all he wants and has been.

So she has been on this up and down emotional rollercoaster ride with him. One minute he is ready for a divorce. Then the minute she says ok, make sure you can afford health insurance on your job, he changes his mind. Cuz once they are divorced she will have to drop him from her health insurance. Now they are fuk buddies. Yes, they are still married but he still has his place and they are just fukking. In her mind they are in love again.

She came into work the week she explained that to him grinning like an idiot. Then she told me the night before she had had the best sex of her life with him. Hmmm, you two have been together for two years and married for just over 1 year but you JUST HAD THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE????

Yeah.

Right.

All I can think is that health coverage must really be expensive on his job that he put his back into it that deep. Or he learned it from one of his other chicks. *shrug* Or man.

So for a couple weeks she was walking around with this satisfied little smile on her face I guess cuz she hung in there and he’s still there kinda sorta.

Whatever chile, I still think he is playing you.

Now this week she is walking around all upset. She finally went to see a therapist. I advised her to do that a couple months ago. I’m just happy she finally did it. Guess who is against it? Yup, her husband.

As he should be. If she has a moment of clarity she might just realize, he’s playing her.

Cuz I got to wonder…your spouse allows you to cheat within the marriage so why do you want to go your own way? Perhaps you are dabbling in homosexual activities? Perhaps? That’s just my opinion. I think he was all set to go until he realized that he was about to lose a meal ticket. Perhaps now that he’s out there he isn’t quite sure this is the life he wants to lead. Whatever. I can’t read minds but I know something has changed and he isn’t quite ready to let her go. But he’s still dating. He’s an honest hoe. *chuckle* That’s the stipulation of their marriage that he has to be open about who he’s dating. *confused head shake* What is the point in being married?

She is all on his face book page and going through his emails checking the chicks. He seems to be into white girls now according to her. I’m looking at her like why are you going through all this. She’s a wreck. She has a daughter at home that she’s ignoring cuz she wants to go home and go to bed 5 days a week at 7pm and doesn’t want to get out of bed on the weekends at all. *smh* And on his face book page he is happy go lucky. I guess so…he’s got all the benefits of being married to you without actually being your husband. He use to come by and give her half azzed unsatisfying fuks. Then she brings up starting to date herself and starts wearing makeup and dressing better. Then he comes by and fuks her correctly. *chuckle* That meant they were back in love to her. Then she realizes he’s dating white girls now then her mood plummets.

But he’s still coming back to fuk her correctly though cuz he don’t want her to get away. *smh* Girlfriend has gotten her credit together to buy a house. She has got her certificate and getting all her paperwork together to move forward.

I can only guess his motivations cuz I’ve never met the man but yeah, he’s playing her. He should be careful cuz my God does not like ugly. The things he is doing is causing suffering for a child. Her daughter is caught up in the midst of her mother’s emotional rollercoaster and he’s the reason for the mood swings.

All that aside, why doesn’t she know he’s playing her? Does she know? Does she really just not care as long as she can have him part time?

I got no answers. Just plenty of questions. I got friends in similar situations and I don’t understand them anymore than her situation. *sigh*

*scratching head in confusion*

A little clarification...very little.

I decided to clarify something I said in last Sunday’s post. The reason?

Well, my GFN gave me a new wallet for Christmas. As I was cleaning out the old wallet I ran across numbers from guys who I can’t remember their faces or why I didn’t call them. Usually, if a guy strikes me as someone I want to get to know better I’ll put his number in my cell. If it doesn’t work out the numbers remain there until I get a new cell. The only numbers I transfer are my staid and true family and friends.

So, I know there has to be a reason these guys ended up on paper instead of in my cell. I would love to remember why. So I know someday I will read that earlier post again and wonder why I wasn’t giving that guy a chance.

So here’s his story. I met this guy, whose name I have already forgotten *chuckle*, as I was leaving my dentist’s office. Gotta get my wisdom teeth pulled…help me I am such a wimp. Anyway, we strike up a conversation and he asks me for my number. Something told me that I shouldn’t do it. *pause* Now I remember why I don’t remember his name. I didn’t ask him and he forgot to volunteer it. Or maybe he did and I didn’t bother to remember it. *snicker*

So we are talking and he is trying to enter my cell number into his cell. He doesn’t know how to do it. So for some reason, I volunteer to do it for him. Still, strike one. He says he’s had the cell for a month or two but doesn’t know how to program his own phone. Yeah…who did you borrow that phone from? Or where did you find the phone, hon? Either way it doesn’t matter. I have a sincere problem with people who buy top of the line anything and then don’t have either a clue or the time to learn how to use it. I am not going to be texting you on your Blackberry and you have no idea how to respond. So you call me in the middle of a meeting. The whole point of me texting you was so that I could communicate discretely you mook!

Strike two: He asked me my marital status. I told him single. I didn’t even bother to ask his. I must truly have psychic abilities *lol* cuz something in me knew I wasn’t gonna like the answer. Not to worry, he volunteered that he is married but separated. Ok, no hook ups but we can be friends...maybe.  I ask how long he has been separated and he says 3 years. *blink* I ask, what is the hold up? Meaning what is the hold up on the divorce. That isn’t what he thought I meant obviously becuz his reply was and I quote:

“I keep trying to go back to my wife but she says I am fine where I am. So I’ll probably end up divorced.”

Strike 3 you are out and gimme back my phone number man! *rubbing forehead chuckling*

You gotta keep a sense of humor about this stuff otherwise you will end up in Sheppard Pratt (local mental hospital).

He was determined to change my mind though. He’s in the church you know. Uh huh and trying to pick up women while you are still married is a major no-no in the church. *smh*

Oh mercy. Well let me get back to cooking. These veggies won’t stir fry themselves.

*tips spatula at monitor*