Why are they trying me?

*pissed face*

I have been doing so well.  I really have.  I’ve been positive and upbeat.  Things have been going so well for me lately that I have just been feeling so blessed.  The stress has just been missing me left and right.  Today *pauses and looks Heavenward* the devil pulled out all the stops.  He won this round but the war ain’t over.

So I cannot remember whether or not I blogged about my last time eating something one of my coworkers cooked.  It was a few years ago and I did not have a good weekend because of it.  They didn’t kill me then but I swear they keep trying. *nervous chuckle* At least that is what my friends tell me every time I mention that they are having another potluck.

I have taken vacation days to avoid the potlucks.  I have scheduled doctor’s appointments and meetings.  Heck I’ve said I had a meeting and just went and hid out in an empty conference room.

I think I’ve done well in avoiding their cooking.  That is until today.  This time they did a sneak attack.

We celebrate birthdays on the job.  Whoever had the last birthday gets the birthday goodies for the next person.  We have people who like cake or pie or cupcakes, etc.  Whatever the birthday guy or girl would prefer.  Just about everyone bought their offerings at a store or bakery.

But. Not. Today.

Today the coworker hosting the birthday recipient decided she would cook lunch for our team.  They announced it first thing this morning via email telling everyone not to each lunch.  This woman is a very nice woman.  HOW FUGGING EVER!  She has had a cough for YEARS that her doctor can neither diagnose nor cure.  Why the fugg does she think I want her cooking for me?

So I took my medicine about 5 minutes before going into this impromptu luncheon.  I politely explain that the meds I take prevent me from eating for almost an hour.  Everyone nodded and said that’s a shame.  Everyone but CCW2.  This bish gonna ask me what medicine I take.  This bish ain’t a doctor!  And it wasn’t her business.  She was trying to bust on someone!  I told her I couldn’t remember and would have to check the bottle.  Why the fugg do people think it is their business to show people up?  I did the nice polite thing.  What I could have done was the following:

Bish, I ain’t eating from not nan one of y’all.  I have seen two of y’all bishes come out of the bathroom without washing your hands.  One of you trifling bishes had the nerve to stand beside me and PRETEND to wash your hands.  The only reason I caught it was that someone spoke to me as they entered the bathroom.  When I looked up from washing my hands to see who spoke that’s when I caught your nasty azz wiggling your dry azz fingers at the water.  Standing there with this little smirk on your face too!  Then your nasty azz turns off the water with your nasty hands and grabs a paper towel.  The dry towel barely makes it into the trash.  Dry paper don’t fly people.  You just wadded up good before you tossed it.  Then grabbed the handle and walked out the bathroom.  Who would have thought that someone who acts so prissy could be so nasty.  I was in shock when I saw it.

*turn to another coworker*  Then there is your azz!  I saw you run your hands through the water once to the left and then once to the right and turned off the water.  No.  Soap.  Was.  Used.

*look around the room hoping someone will look guilty* Then there is the chick I am trying to catch who uses the bathroom and then exits the bathroom without washing her hands.  I don’t know if it is one or a few of y’all.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than one.  One day someone was in there having the wettest, nastiest sounding BM.  Bish walked out of the bathroom without washing her hands.  OH!  How I wish I could have gotten out of my stall a half a second quicker.  Nasty bish!

*turn and point at another coworker*  Then there is this bish here who scratches her crotch constantly.  CCW2 you keep on eating the food she brings in.  CCW2 your azz stays sick.  Makes you wonder.  Oh and CCW2 you are another one that can’t cook for me the way you stay sick.

That’s just y’all women.

I can’t speak for what goes on in the men’s room but dude in the scarf your hygiene is questionable and you’ve been sick for at least six months.  All last summer you walked around the office with a wool scarf wrapped around your neck.  Our AC ain’t that chilly.  Believe that!  All through the fall and winter you’ve been sniffling.  I thought it was drugs but hey who knows?

Side note: Mr. Wool Scarf cooked this fish dish that everyone insisted I had to try.  So said I had to go to a “meeting”.  *pursed lipped eye roll*  I ain’t got time for tape worms.

CCW2 you got one more time to organize one more gatdamn potluck!  Stop asking these nasty azz people to cook!  Stop cooking and bringing me ish!  ALL THAT SHYT GOES IN THE TRASH WHEN Y’ALL AIN’T LOOKING!!!!!

Not to mention that we are in the middle of cold and flu season.  AGAIN, why the fugg are you trying to organize another potluck that I am not participating in?

Yeah.  That’s what I could have said.  But I didn’t.  I just kept it nice and polite.  She need a fugging hobby, dack or something to keep her mind occupied.  I don’t trust this bish not to be planning to knock off the whole office.

I don’t know what to expect from a bish that patronizes places her daughter wouldn’t be allowed into.  Oh.  CCW2’s daughter is half black.  She remarked about a place she hangs out at that doesn’t allow blacks in 2013.  Her daughter can’t go there unless she is accompanied by her.  *crickets*  Yeah.  But she loves fugging black men.  But she goes places where a black man wouldn’t be allowed.  When someone figures that shyt out put it in a research paper and maybe I’ll read it.  I don’t want shyt from this bish who says she’s a Christian.  Some of these “Christians” gonna have a whole lot of explaining to do.  I hope they got recliners and popcorn in Heaven because I’m gonna be sitting back watching the back peddlers enjoying the show and watching the Lord make them sweat.

I am praying and meditating.  I’m trying to decide if it is time to kick it into bish mode cuz they are trying my patience with this cooking ish!  I should have done what CCW1 did and ate lunch early and showed up at the end.

*stank face while I contemplate what I'm supposed to learn from this*

Coworker vent...

Sometimes I really do think I am crazy. That perhaps I should be on meds. I think this because people look at me like I'm crazy for not only backing their nonsense but joining in on it. Sometimes, I think that perhaps I should join them in their drama and insanity. Then I go home, have a nice dinner, chat with some folks and got to bed. Then I wake up and realize that I ain't that crazy yet.

So, I've been aluding to but never posting about one of my coworkers. That is because after the post about her got over seven 8-1/2 x 11 inch pages with 1 in margins long and I still wasn't finished with her story, I stopped typing and called TPL. I figured with as many lies as he's told he should be able to sort her out. He gave me part her, that she is one of those people that likes people to feel sorry for her. That felt partially right, then I got the other part of her a couple weeks ago. She likes people to feel sorry for her so that she can beg from them for her needs while spending her money on her wants. It was working up until her birthday.

Incredibily long story made short and simple: After much drama and gifts from her that include a car, her husband kicked her out of the section 8 house. *chuckle* So that was in September. She hated him blah blah blah. Fast forward to December and he throws her a birthday party. *blink blink* At the section 8 house that he kicked her out of in the first place. And only 3 people showed up...and she's mad because more people didn't show.

She said she 'was feeling some kinda way about it for a while but she was over it now'. Her exact words. I felt like calling her out her name and saying: You have taken everyone - friends, family, and coworkers - on a rollercoaster ride for the last 3 years with this ninja that ended in him taking your cell phone bill money to bail his sister out of jail for assaulting her boyfriend and then kicking you out the house and you're mad because more people didn't show up at HIS house for a birthday party for you because you two have kinda sorta made up. For real?

I was speechless. I let her talk and when all I could say in a voice as flat as I could get it was "Oh. Wow." she left my office. smh

Then the other one is talking about hooking up with her baby daddy because she's horny. Normally, this wouldn't even be a blip on my radar because people do this all the time. However, the last time she had sex with him, he gave her chlamydia and her blood tests now show she has been "exposed" to Herpes. Apparently, now you can be exposed to Herpes without getting it. *shrug* I can only keep up with so much. Anyhoodles, I'm looking at her like she has lost her mind and she's whining that she's horny.

O...k...fine...but that ain't the only dinga in Maryland. Why not try something new and get it tested before you do it or at least wear a condom. *sniggle* Now, I don't feel bad about using hand sanitizer after the last time she touched my hand. *sniggle* I felt bad then but not now.

I'm 44 years old and by the grace of God, I've never had an STD/STI. Not that I was particularly that careful, I was just blessed until I smartened up. So for me to get one now and have to go through the embarrassment at my doctor's office? Trust and know that the last thing on my mind would be having sex with a guy who gave me an STD/STI again. Killing him and hiding the body? Yeah. I'd go to sleep fantasizing about it. Having sex with him again? Please don't make me smack you.

These two prove to me daily that stupid comes in all colors. smh I won't lie and say I don't miss the feel of a man beside me and inside me but...errr...uhhhh...I don't miss it that much. It truly ain't that serious.  Especially since I know there is a) plenty of dinga out there and b) a lot of it is even clean dinga.

I told her to change her numbers and seek some counseling. I bet she is still in there dreaming about diseased peen. smh

To each his/her own.

Just in case I suddenly disappear...

*cue Twilight Zone music*

So…it has been a strange day.  A very hectic day.  I just want to go on record as stating that if I suddenly stop writing one day, and some Info-techno-anthropologist someday finds these missives and wonders whatever happened to the writer the crazy white guy on my job probably went off and did us all in.

*serious face*

No, there isn’t any one thing that I can put my finger on as believing that he will explode.  It is just a feeling I can’t quite shake that there is something not quite right about him.

Let me just say that he is in a managerial position and he’s had it for longer than a year.  Every day it is more and more evident that he doesn’t know what he is doing.  He doesn’t remember what was discussed even a few hours ago let alone the day before or last week.

Case and point: I was working on sending several subcontract modifications out for one of his accounts today.  He and the coordinator in charge of the project were standing in my doorway going back and forth.  He was swearing that he had given me a modification that he hadn’t last week.  I was about to pull up the email so he could see that he hadn’t given it to me on Friday.  When he finally paused for a breath the coordinator said: I just gave it to you this morning.

The look that passed between them! Wow! All I could think of was the line from A Perfect Murder: That’s not happiness to see me. *concerned sound*

At that point I closed my office door.  This is the second time the two of them have been in my office trying to prove to each other that the other one is wrong in less than a week.  So far he is O for 2.  The last time they were both wrong and I didn’t even bother to correct them.  In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t necessary for them to be right.  It was only important that what needed to get done, got done.  And thanks to me and my boss, it did.

He gets more and more frustrated at his own mistakes.  Then he tries to play it off like he’s not frustrated or angry and everything is good. *skeptical all day long*  Everything is definitely not good.  He’s working with the wrong person’s accounts to be messing up.  There’s an ocean between him and this woman and she can still raise hell from where she is.  I’ve seen her in action. It was not pretty.

There’s so much more to add to this but I just don’t feel like going into it right now.  But I thought I’d go on record as saying something about him ain’t right.  I just got a weird feeling about the guy.  Like I said there isn’t an instance that I could go to personnel and say: Hey! He’s crazy! This is why. Do something about him.  It is just a feeling.

So if I disappear, look for news on office shooting in downtown Baltimore. *sips eggnog with shaky hand*

Waiting on the world to change.

*sigh*

I’m about to drop a womanly secret and I am wondering what will happen if I do? Will the cosmos come after me and punish me? Will my Woman Card be revoked and I end up a transgendered eunuch? Or will absolutely nothing happen cuz it is just possible that no one will ever read this little blurb? *shrug*

Let me start with what transpired that got me on this subject. A chick I once worked with and I have kind of struck up a friendly association of sorts. Let’s call her Buffy. *smirk* I don’t tell her anything and she tells me everything. *chuckle* Anyway, I get a text from her first thing one morning and thru a series of text messages I get the latest drama going on in her life.

See, a several months ago she met this guy. They went out on a date and…you know what? I blogged about her briefly in my HIV/AIDS rant. She’s that chick. This is the guy she slept with on the first date. Well, they’ve been dating ever since. He was homeless and sleeping on friends’ couches when she met him. Now she told me at the time that she was not going to allow him to move in with her. She said that. She did. She did. She really did!

So in June she told me that they were now discussing marriage. I thought that was a big leap for people who hadn’t known each other quite 6 months yet, but I said nothing. I let her talk. *shrug* I’ve heard of happy endings in such a short time of dating but I had my doubts about this but I kept them to myself. I let her shine cuz she was really happy.

Then he tells her that he lied when he said he wanted to get married. He had never discussed marriage before and he just wanted to know what it felt like to talk about it.

*Jaw drop accompanied by blank stare*

I am trying to find the words for the way I felt when I read this text and I just can’t. I know I stopped breathing for a few seconds and my mind went blank. And that was actually a good thing becuz since I had no response she could finish her story.

So that was on a Friday. She said she thought she felt ok about it but come Monday the damn broke and she’d been crying ever since. *sympathetic head shake* I could just imagine. By this time now I am getting pissed for her and my mind is thinking some truly vile, evil things about this guy and what should be done to him. But still I am silent. I let her speak on.

I asked her had they talked and she said yes and that she keeps breaking down and crying. She said he found it annoying.

*blinkity blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink, etc.*

My thought processes went something like this: “What the…who the…I…BLANK*

She asked me did I think she had a right to be crying and emotional right now. I was like FUK YEAH! On the inside. On the outside I said something calm and logical to the affect that yes she did have a right to her feelings. She thought she was building a relationship with someone who wanted the same things out of life that she did. She thought she had found the person who she wanted to share her life with and who felt the same about her. To find out now that he was lying was quite cruel. I told her perhaps she should take some time to cry and get her emotions under control. That perhaps she shouldn’t speak to him again until the weekend.

That was when she dropped the real bomb: He’s living with her so she has to see him.

I felt like saying, Bytch, what? This MFer is still living in your home (she’s buying her house) after that shyt he just said? Alive? And not in pieces buried in the backyard, under the front steps, at the dump and various other places I could think of? WTF???? This would be considered a crime of passion and you probably wouldn't even see the inside of a jail cell!

What I actually said I have no idea. I think I blocked it out but I know it wasn’t any of the above. As a matter of fact I think I totally blanked on responding to the fact that she had let this homeless MFer move in with her. So I let her cry it out to me.

So I talked to HKS to make sure I was right in my feeling even if I didn’t speak ill of The One Who Should Be Dead to Buffy. She confirmed my feelings and gave me a little something to take back to Buffy that went like this: You know, I have never had you living in my home before. I let you move in so that I could see what that was like but I was lying and I don’t want you living with me anymore. *tears of laughter*

So I passed this onto Buffy and her text response verbatim:

He is staying with family tonight. Just paranoid that he is going to leave me.

Yeah…I never did answer her. Didn’t know if I would ever talk to her again. Cuz my mind said: You dilly, low self-esteemed bytch! Six months ago this MFer didn’t have a place to lay his head. He has family that took him in tonight but this bytch can’t live with them. He had friends that let him sleep on their couches for a few nights but AGAIN nobody wanted to let his azz live with them. If you really want his azz you can pretty much order this MFer to marry you or be fukking homeless again. I’m betting his annoyance is feigned to cover up for really being scared that he’s about to be homeless again. That’s it. He’s scared you are about to put his azz out on the curb and he’s gonna have to start bouncing from couch to couch again. If his azz is lucky cuz you have no idea if he’s burned any bridges since moving in with you! But you are worried that HE is gonna leave YOU? WTF aren’t you helping his sorry azz pack?

I tossed my cell phone down and walked away in disgust instead of saying any of that. Watch her azz end up on Judge Joe Brown or some damn body. *smh*

But I didn’t talk bad about her…man? Whatever he is I didn’t say anything negative to her about him. Becuz what I know is that after telling me all this and getting me all worked up she would and ultimately did take this MFer back. She at least was admitting it. I’ve had friends who swore off their men time and time again. And time and time again they took their men back. *shrug* It just is what it is. And it’s nothing new. Have you read or seen A Streetcar Named Desire, Eve’s Bayou, or some other movie, book or play where this happens? Those are cases of art imitating life.

But if you are the friend that talked bad about your girlfriend's man guess who is the bad friend? And these women will tell their men which of their girls told them to dump him. Now he mad and hating the girlfriends for just reacting to what HIS WOMAN said.

And uh ladies? If you are doing this mess in hopes that your man won’t ever hook up with one of your friends you can stop thinking that. Dyck neither loves nor hates. It just strokes and ejaculates.

What made me decide to write about it was that one of the guys in my TT was going OFF about his girlfriend’s friends one day. They bitter. They ugly. They this, that and the other. I was cracking up cuz what he didn’t seem to realize was that his girlfriend’s friends are just going in on what HIS GIRLFRIEND told them. *smh*

I am just truly amazed that everyone always goes in on the outside women. No one ever goes to the source. If your man is cheating don’t go to the other woman (or man as the case may be) you should check your man. If your girlfriend’s friends got too much to say about your relationship don’t check the friends check your woman. Period. That is all. *chuckle*

Chile, I was just mad I didn’t have any popcorn cuz my TT was hot! He went on a rant for more than a minute! *LOL* I just kept sitting there hitting the refresh button. *LOL* And these folks are in their 30s and have yet to learn these very simple little facts.

I learned back in college to keep my mouth shut when it came to my girlfriends and their men.

My best story belonged to Lisa. See, Lisa and I both came from a working class family. Our parents couldn’t afford to pay for our college education, books, room and board etc. like most of the friends in our circle. We were still very different but our socio-economic background was similar.

Anyhoodles, around our junior year Lisa settles into a romance with a whore. The only thing that pissed me off about this was that she was letting him drive her car and I know how hard she had worked and scrimped to get that car. But again, I kept my mouth shut.

Our other friends thought she should be told. As is my way, I went along for the ride. I sat in a corner while they spilled the beans on all the whoring he had been doing and I said not one word. It wasn’t a conscious decision to keep my knowledge to myself becuz I actually I knew one of the girls he was whoring with. I saw him coming out her bedroom with my own two eyes. The look on his face was priceless when he saw me by the way.

So they told Lisa. Lisa ran back to her man and asked him was it true. Lisa came back and told them what he told her: You bitter heffas (he actually inserted my friends’ names) need to mind your own damn business. Get your azz a man and stop being in everyone else’s business. The shyt is lies. Blah blah blah blah.

Same stuff I have been hearing ever after. *smh* I heard about it from my friends after she gave them an earful cuz my name wasn’t mentioned. Becuz I didn’t have shyt to say.

Do you know that MFer had the nerve to try to fuk me a few weeks later? Then told me I needed to grow up when I turned his azz down and gave him my reasons for turning him down. *smh* I still can’t believe I had to explain to him why I wouldn’t fuk him. Whatever. Water not just under the bridge but out to sea by now. Given the chance he would have fukked every one of the vocal friends too, I am sure.

I don’t even know how many times I’ve seen this mess replayed over and over. Ain’t a thing new under this here sun. *sigh* I’m tired. Thinking of cutting loose the women in my life cuz I swear, I’m tired of this shyt.

I always thought it strange that my mom didn’t have any girlfriends. As I get older I am seeing the wisdom of that. I wonder how I’d do as a hermit?

I like my drama to be fictional and not coming through my phone, computer screen or walking through my door.

*waves tiredly at the monitor*

On Dating Black Women, yet again. *sigh*

There seems to be this communication block between black men and black women. It’s like we say something and they hear something else. Then they say something and we hear something completely different. It’s like we are each hearing our inadequacies coming out of the other’s mouth and no matter what is said to the contrary that is all we hear or recognize.

What got me on this train of thought was the recent statement by Slim Thug (ST). If you are oblivious to him and what he said that enraged so many check this link here Slim Thug's take on Black Women. Truthfully, I was oblivious to his existence until my Twitter timeline (TT) exploded with angry tweets directed at him.

Anyhoodles, I’ve already done my post on what I think of men who proclaim to the world that they don’t date black women for xyz reasons On Dating Black Women. So really, I didn’t pay him much mind after I found out he fell into that category. I read his blurb without emotion. Actually it struck me within the first few sentences that perhaps he had tried to approach a black woman in a socio-economic, educational background that was much higher than his own and he had been shot down. I figured that was his issue and blew him off and moved onto the next topic.

But then I really started to think on what he had said and realized that perhaps there was another way to take what he had said. Cuz though I didn’t get emotional about it A LOT of people did. Just three below.

Miss Jia Miss Jia's thoughts on ST.

Shamontiel Shamontiel's Response.

Marc Lamont Hill Response.

I imagine there are more but again, I don’t think that topic deserves that much of my time. Cuz as I see it the problem isn’t just black centric it’s people centric. Over half of US marriages end in divorce. Since 70% or more of black women are unmarried that means that everyone else is having just as many problems keeping a mate as black women are having finding one.

As the government keeps telling the world black folk only make up 12% of the USA. Black women are a little more than half of that 12%. So in reality it would seem that more non-black folk are having a hard time keeping a mate than we are finding one. Given the difficulties associated with the break up and dissolution of a marriage, perhaps that ain’t as bad a thing as people try to make it sound. Just my humble opinion.

Japanese women have surpassed their men in education and therefore in the job marketplace. They are making more, smarter and are putting aside the traditional female roles in Japanese society. In other words, they are refusing to take a backseat to a man when they are working just as hard and making just as much money if not more than their mate. They’d rather do without a mate. They are facing a crisis becuz when you think that way, you don’t have any babies. Soon, there won’t be enough young people to keep up the infrastructure. They are advising Japanese women to do the same thing that ST seems to be advising black women.

Lower your standards when it comes to getting a black man as your mate.

*sigh* I really don’t want to and I really don’t see why I should have to. I hear so many black men telling anyone who will listen that ‘We use to be kings and queens.’ Um, if you knew your history you would know not everyone was a king or queen. SOME of us come from royalty. Just some. Take it down a few thousand guys cuz the way most of you sound I don’t feel any royalty coming off you. *shrug*

A look at the histories in many Caucasian cultures (cuz that’s all I got right now) shows that in the past it was not unusual for a woman to marry beneath her station and vice versa and look what Caucasian folk have achieved, world dominance. Yes, I know how and I ain’t here to discuss this on this post. If we could have done it we would have so I’m not going there right now…if ever.

Caucasian folk often married (marry) different classes to form powerful alliances via money, land, etc. Governments were sometimes built and/or destroyed just due to the right or wrong marital alliances. There was always something to be gained by such alliances.

See I can see another way to look at what ST is saying. Right now there doesn’t seem to be that many successful black men out there. Of those that are successful, some are openingly gay, some are confirmed bachelors, and some are seeking exotic women. It’s a mess out here.

As usual, the onus is being put on black women to continue the black race…by any means necessary. That means marrying someone not as educated, not as cultured, not as refined, not as wise (if you got more than 2 kids with more than 1 baby momma you ain’t too wise in my book), not as articulate and perhaps not even as ambitious. That means knowing that you can run circles around this man in every way possible and still respecting him enough to take the backseat and let him be the head of the household even though your income is the reason the household exists. In essence taking the backseat to a man who didn’t have the sense to try to take the same law abiding road out of poverty that you did. *nervous system attempts to shut down*

I can’t do it. I tried. He got on my last gotdamned nerve.

For those who have more patience and are not quite as spoiled as my simple azz is you are undertaking a wonderful thing for the future.

Basically, as I look at it, what ST might be saying is that black women are going to have put aside our wants and expectations and accept the black men who are available as they are. You, who can do it, will have to marry and/or have children and raise up the children in hopes that the next generation will benefit from your sacrifice. Each generation of black women will have to refine and refine each generation of black men until there actually are a lot of good black men.

In other words, y’all gonna have to be strong black women again.

For those of you who undertake this cause please make note of the following numbers becuz some of you are going to need them:

Alcoholics Anonymous (212) 870-3400


Narcotics Anonymous (818) 773-9999


Gamblers Anonymous (213) 386-8789


House of Ruth 909-988-5559


Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (ooooh a toll free number they mean business)

It’s not going to be easy trying to uplift the black man, mostly on your own and without him knowing it too. You will more than likely never get the credit for it but in the end it will be worth it. Again, I salute you who choose this unselfish, self-sacrificing path.

Good luck with that.

*opens sex toys website*

A little clarification...very little.

I decided to clarify something I said in last Sunday’s post. The reason?

Well, my GFN gave me a new wallet for Christmas. As I was cleaning out the old wallet I ran across numbers from guys who I can’t remember their faces or why I didn’t call them. Usually, if a guy strikes me as someone I want to get to know better I’ll put his number in my cell. If it doesn’t work out the numbers remain there until I get a new cell. The only numbers I transfer are my staid and true family and friends.

So, I know there has to be a reason these guys ended up on paper instead of in my cell. I would love to remember why. So I know someday I will read that earlier post again and wonder why I wasn’t giving that guy a chance.

So here’s his story. I met this guy, whose name I have already forgotten *chuckle*, as I was leaving my dentist’s office. Gotta get my wisdom teeth pulled…help me I am such a wimp. Anyway, we strike up a conversation and he asks me for my number. Something told me that I shouldn’t do it. *pause* Now I remember why I don’t remember his name. I didn’t ask him and he forgot to volunteer it. Or maybe he did and I didn’t bother to remember it. *snicker*

So we are talking and he is trying to enter my cell number into his cell. He doesn’t know how to do it. So for some reason, I volunteer to do it for him. Still, strike one. He says he’s had the cell for a month or two but doesn’t know how to program his own phone. Yeah…who did you borrow that phone from? Or where did you find the phone, hon? Either way it doesn’t matter. I have a sincere problem with people who buy top of the line anything and then don’t have either a clue or the time to learn how to use it. I am not going to be texting you on your Blackberry and you have no idea how to respond. So you call me in the middle of a meeting. The whole point of me texting you was so that I could communicate discretely you mook!

Strike two: He asked me my marital status. I told him single. I didn’t even bother to ask his. I must truly have psychic abilities *lol* cuz something in me knew I wasn’t gonna like the answer. Not to worry, he volunteered that he is married but separated. Ok, no hook ups but we can be friends...maybe.  I ask how long he has been separated and he says 3 years. *blink* I ask, what is the hold up? Meaning what is the hold up on the divorce. That isn’t what he thought I meant obviously becuz his reply was and I quote:

“I keep trying to go back to my wife but she says I am fine where I am. So I’ll probably end up divorced.”

Strike 3 you are out and gimme back my phone number man! *rubbing forehead chuckling*

You gotta keep a sense of humor about this stuff otherwise you will end up in Sheppard Pratt (local mental hospital).

He was determined to change my mind though. He’s in the church you know. Uh huh and trying to pick up women while you are still married is a major no-no in the church. *smh*

Oh mercy. Well let me get back to cooking. These veggies won’t stir fry themselves.

*tips spatula at monitor*