So I haven’t been around for a few months. That is because there is so much going on *pause* around me personally. A lot going on with me professionally. It is so crazy. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with my GFN.
*chuckle*
Much as I thought she would, she filed for divorce in October 2010 from her husband. That’s pretty sad, I think. He’s a decent guy. Perfect? No, but then neither is she nor me nor anyone else. I kind of started a bit of a family stink several months back by telling her what I thought her problem was.
*rolls eyes*
Aye yi yi! I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I was just trying to get her to go back to couples counseling with him. Seriously, when you have a black man who wants to go to couples counseling and work on the marriage you got somebody worth building a life with. But all she kept hearing was that I didn’t think she knew how to take care of a man.
*blink blink* I have the emails to back up the fact I never said anything to that effect. Fact of the matter, according to her mother Sissy, is that she is seeing another man. *sigh* I’m done with it and moving on. Her life not mine. *smh* But that ain’t the way to a happy life. I guess she’ll have to learn the hard way like everyone else who takes that route.
My BFL’s daughter is trying to get divorced from her husband. I say trying because he refuses to sign the divorce papers even though she moved out May 2010 and he has moved in with his new girlfriend. *smh* Why hold onto somebody who a) doesn’t want you and b) you don’t want? The BFL’s daughter has moved back home to get back on her feet financially. She then totaled her new car. Then she got pregnant by her new boyfriend who her father doesn’t like. *sigh* Youth. Then she lost the baby a couple weeks ago. She is taking it pretty hard which in turn means my BFL is taking it hard with her. It is hard for any parent to see their child suffer regardless of the circumstances.
MB3’s sister has stage 4 cancer. Man, the hits just keep coming. I worry what will happen to the foster daughter she has had since she was a baby. So sad.
Meanwhile, MB3’s daughter is still unemployed and looking to her to support her, the boyfriend and his two sons, and her two daughters. And she’s doing it though not in the smartest of ways. I’ve tried telling her, hinting at her, pointing her in the right direction but she always says she can’t this, that, and the other. MB3 has two homes. One she owns outright and another she is paying a mortgage on and has been in it over 20 years.
I told her she should have her daughter get on Section 8, since her lazy azz won’t keep a job, and rent the house she still owes a mortgage on. The rent she will get from Section 8 will pay her mortgage and then some. The house she owns outright she could rent out as a group home for the mentally challenged. She could use the properties as collateral for a home loan and get the condo she has always wanted. The money she would get from the group home should pay the mortgage on the condo thus freeing up her salary to do with as she pleases.
Do you know what she said to me when I laid that plan out for her? She said she didn’t know she could do that. I said yes, that she should go talk to a real estate lawyer to work that out. She responded real quick she didn’t have money for that then went out and bought matching outfits for her and her granddaughters.
*blink pause blink*
Those outfits were the cost of an hour of a real estate lawyer’s time. *sigh* Now she sending out emails talking about telling people she is sewing pillows to make extra money. I replied ok. *sucks teeth*
Next up is MCB. *brief sunny smile* She got my godson off to his first year in college. He did well his first semester. Above a 3.0 on a 4.0 scale for his first semester and HE is disappointed that he didn’t do better. *smiling hard* I pray he keeps up the good work. His father however is another problem. *rolls eyes* I can’t stand that man but I ain’t got to sleep next to him so…whatever. He’s said he wants to contribute to his son’s college education and participate in more of his special events and blah blah blah. In other words, be involved with him now that he is over 18 when he couldn’t be bothered before. My godson is not stupid. It is causing familial upset. His son doesn’t want to be bothered but MCB would welcome some help with his college tuition. She’s walking a tightrope of sorts between the two of them.
Then the problems she’s been having on her job, that I told her to leave 5 years ago, are escalating. And she is another one that can’t say no to family. So she’s cosigned on a couple things she shouldn’t have. *smh* And she’s looking after an elderly uncle. She hasn’t talked about the guy she’s been seeing in awhile and I ain’t asking. Just what I mentioned above is more than an earful every time I hear from her.
Then I got these folk on the job. Ugh is all I can say. One thing I have learned on this job is the importance of being meticulous about keeping records. I swear almost on a daily basis they try to say they didn’t do something or didn’t know and then I have to point out the whens, wheres and whos of how they got the info on the right way to do something. Then they go away until they mess something else up.
*groan* Will I ever get to work with people who are adults on the inside as well as on the outside? I wonder what that is like.
I did do one very smart thing last spring. I let my hair go natural. *big smile* It took a minute for my hair to get the hang of it and it still needs some TLC but I am quite happy with the results.
One Sunday after washing my hair, I grabbed my blow dryer and all the gunk that goes into making it smooth and straight. I looked down at the hairdryer with comb attachment and the bottles before me and said “Screw it!” I looked in the mirror and told my hair, “Do you.”
It took a while for it to understand what I meant. I don’t blame my hair at all. First, my mother and sisters and then various hairstylists had been telling it what to do for better than 40 years. Now, it had to find itself. *chuckle* It took awhile but it is coming around nicely. At least I think so. And so do quite a few men.
*chuckle* And they’re nonblack American men. I don’t quite know what to make of that. One in particular is a nice Jewish guy from a nice Jewish family who I am sure will not like me and my natural locks at all. *chuckle* He better stop messing with me before I take him up on his offer and get him disinherited is all I know. *chuckle* But he is fun.
And, I am still looking for a replacement for Raul! *chuckling* Who would think that my coochay would be so picky. *lol* But that is a post for another day and I’m hungry. *smells dinner calling*
Till then… *tips wine glass at monitor*
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
On Dating Black Women, yet again. *sigh*
There seems to be this communication block between black men and black women. It’s like we say something and they hear something else. Then they say something and we hear something completely different. It’s like we are each hearing our inadequacies coming out of the other’s mouth and no matter what is said to the contrary that is all we hear or recognize.
What got me on this train of thought was the recent statement by Slim Thug (ST). If you are oblivious to him and what he said that enraged so many check this link here Slim Thug's take on Black Women. Truthfully, I was oblivious to his existence until my Twitter timeline (TT) exploded with angry tweets directed at him.
Anyhoodles, I’ve already done my post on what I think of men who proclaim to the world that they don’t date black women for xyz reasons On Dating Black Women. So really, I didn’t pay him much mind after I found out he fell into that category. I read his blurb without emotion. Actually it struck me within the first few sentences that perhaps he had tried to approach a black woman in a socio-economic, educational background that was much higher than his own and he had been shot down. I figured that was his issue and blew him off and moved onto the next topic.
But then I really started to think on what he had said and realized that perhaps there was another way to take what he had said. Cuz though I didn’t get emotional about it A LOT of people did. Just three below.
Miss Jia Miss Jia's thoughts on ST.
Shamontiel Shamontiel's Response.
Marc Lamont Hill Response.
I imagine there are more but again, I don’t think that topic deserves that much of my time. Cuz as I see it the problem isn’t just black centric it’s people centric. Over half of US marriages end in divorce. Since 70% or more of black women are unmarried that means that everyone else is having just as many problems keeping a mate as black women are having finding one.
As the government keeps telling the world black folk only make up 12% of the USA. Black women are a little more than half of that 12%. So in reality it would seem that more non-black folk are having a hard time keeping a mate than we are finding one. Given the difficulties associated with the break up and dissolution of a marriage, perhaps that ain’t as bad a thing as people try to make it sound. Just my humble opinion.
Japanese women have surpassed their men in education and therefore in the job marketplace. They are making more, smarter and are putting aside the traditional female roles in Japanese society. In other words, they are refusing to take a backseat to a man when they are working just as hard and making just as much money if not more than their mate. They’d rather do without a mate. They are facing a crisis becuz when you think that way, you don’t have any babies. Soon, there won’t be enough young people to keep up the infrastructure. They are advising Japanese women to do the same thing that ST seems to be advising black women.
Lower your standards when it comes to getting a black man as your mate.
*sigh* I really don’t want to and I really don’t see why I should have to. I hear so many black men telling anyone who will listen that ‘We use to be kings and queens.’ Um, if you knew your history you would know not everyone was a king or queen. SOME of us come from royalty. Just some. Take it down a few thousand guys cuz the way most of you sound I don’t feel any royalty coming off you. *shrug*
A look at the histories in many Caucasian cultures (cuz that’s all I got right now) shows that in the past it was not unusual for a woman to marry beneath her station and vice versa and look what Caucasian folk have achieved, world dominance. Yes, I know how and I ain’t here to discuss this on this post. If we could have done it we would have so I’m not going there right now…if ever.
Caucasian folk often married (marry) different classes to form powerful alliances via money, land, etc. Governments were sometimes built and/or destroyed just due to the right or wrong marital alliances. There was always something to be gained by such alliances.
See I can see another way to look at what ST is saying. Right now there doesn’t seem to be that many successful black men out there. Of those that are successful, some are openingly gay, some are confirmed bachelors, and some are seeking exotic women. It’s a mess out here.
As usual, the onus is being put on black women to continue the black race…by any means necessary. That means marrying someone not as educated, not as cultured, not as refined, not as wise (if you got more than 2 kids with more than 1 baby momma you ain’t too wise in my book), not as articulate and perhaps not even as ambitious. That means knowing that you can run circles around this man in every way possible and still respecting him enough to take the backseat and let him be the head of the household even though your income is the reason the household exists. In essence taking the backseat to a man who didn’t have the sense to try to take the same law abiding road out of poverty that you did. *nervous system attempts to shut down*
I can’t do it. I tried. He got on my last gotdamned nerve.
For those who have more patience and are not quite as spoiled as my simple azz is you are undertaking a wonderful thing for the future.
Basically, as I look at it, what ST might be saying is that black women are going to have put aside our wants and expectations and accept the black men who are available as they are. You, who can do it, will have to marry and/or have children and raise up the children in hopes that the next generation will benefit from your sacrifice. Each generation of black women will have to refine and refine each generation of black men until there actually are a lot of good black men.
In other words, y’all gonna have to be strong black women again.
For those of you who undertake this cause please make note of the following numbers becuz some of you are going to need them:
Alcoholics Anonymous (212) 870-3400
Narcotics Anonymous (818) 773-9999
Gamblers Anonymous (213) 386-8789
House of Ruth 909-988-5559
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (ooooh a toll free number they mean business)
It’s not going to be easy trying to uplift the black man, mostly on your own and without him knowing it too. You will more than likely never get the credit for it but in the end it will be worth it. Again, I salute you who choose this unselfish, self-sacrificing path.
Good luck with that.
*opens sex toys website*
What got me on this train of thought was the recent statement by Slim Thug (ST). If you are oblivious to him and what he said that enraged so many check this link here Slim Thug's take on Black Women. Truthfully, I was oblivious to his existence until my Twitter timeline (TT) exploded with angry tweets directed at him.
Anyhoodles, I’ve already done my post on what I think of men who proclaim to the world that they don’t date black women for xyz reasons On Dating Black Women. So really, I didn’t pay him much mind after I found out he fell into that category. I read his blurb without emotion. Actually it struck me within the first few sentences that perhaps he had tried to approach a black woman in a socio-economic, educational background that was much higher than his own and he had been shot down. I figured that was his issue and blew him off and moved onto the next topic.
But then I really started to think on what he had said and realized that perhaps there was another way to take what he had said. Cuz though I didn’t get emotional about it A LOT of people did. Just three below.
Miss Jia Miss Jia's thoughts on ST.
Shamontiel Shamontiel's Response.
Marc Lamont Hill Response.
I imagine there are more but again, I don’t think that topic deserves that much of my time. Cuz as I see it the problem isn’t just black centric it’s people centric. Over half of US marriages end in divorce. Since 70% or more of black women are unmarried that means that everyone else is having just as many problems keeping a mate as black women are having finding one.
As the government keeps telling the world black folk only make up 12% of the USA. Black women are a little more than half of that 12%. So in reality it would seem that more non-black folk are having a hard time keeping a mate than we are finding one. Given the difficulties associated with the break up and dissolution of a marriage, perhaps that ain’t as bad a thing as people try to make it sound. Just my humble opinion.
Japanese women have surpassed their men in education and therefore in the job marketplace. They are making more, smarter and are putting aside the traditional female roles in Japanese society. In other words, they are refusing to take a backseat to a man when they are working just as hard and making just as much money if not more than their mate. They’d rather do without a mate. They are facing a crisis becuz when you think that way, you don’t have any babies. Soon, there won’t be enough young people to keep up the infrastructure. They are advising Japanese women to do the same thing that ST seems to be advising black women.
Lower your standards when it comes to getting a black man as your mate.
*sigh* I really don’t want to and I really don’t see why I should have to. I hear so many black men telling anyone who will listen that ‘We use to be kings and queens.’ Um, if you knew your history you would know not everyone was a king or queen. SOME of us come from royalty. Just some. Take it down a few thousand guys cuz the way most of you sound I don’t feel any royalty coming off you. *shrug*
A look at the histories in many Caucasian cultures (cuz that’s all I got right now) shows that in the past it was not unusual for a woman to marry beneath her station and vice versa and look what Caucasian folk have achieved, world dominance. Yes, I know how and I ain’t here to discuss this on this post. If we could have done it we would have so I’m not going there right now…if ever.
Caucasian folk often married (marry) different classes to form powerful alliances via money, land, etc. Governments were sometimes built and/or destroyed just due to the right or wrong marital alliances. There was always something to be gained by such alliances.
See I can see another way to look at what ST is saying. Right now there doesn’t seem to be that many successful black men out there. Of those that are successful, some are openingly gay, some are confirmed bachelors, and some are seeking exotic women. It’s a mess out here.
As usual, the onus is being put on black women to continue the black race…by any means necessary. That means marrying someone not as educated, not as cultured, not as refined, not as wise (if you got more than 2 kids with more than 1 baby momma you ain’t too wise in my book), not as articulate and perhaps not even as ambitious. That means knowing that you can run circles around this man in every way possible and still respecting him enough to take the backseat and let him be the head of the household even though your income is the reason the household exists. In essence taking the backseat to a man who didn’t have the sense to try to take the same law abiding road out of poverty that you did. *nervous system attempts to shut down*
I can’t do it. I tried. He got on my last gotdamned nerve.
For those who have more patience and are not quite as spoiled as my simple azz is you are undertaking a wonderful thing for the future.
Basically, as I look at it, what ST might be saying is that black women are going to have put aside our wants and expectations and accept the black men who are available as they are. You, who can do it, will have to marry and/or have children and raise up the children in hopes that the next generation will benefit from your sacrifice. Each generation of black women will have to refine and refine each generation of black men until there actually are a lot of good black men.
In other words, y’all gonna have to be strong black women again.
For those of you who undertake this cause please make note of the following numbers becuz some of you are going to need them:
Alcoholics Anonymous (212) 870-3400
Narcotics Anonymous (818) 773-9999
Gamblers Anonymous (213) 386-8789
House of Ruth 909-988-5559
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (ooooh a toll free number they mean business)
It’s not going to be easy trying to uplift the black man, mostly on your own and without him knowing it too. You will more than likely never get the credit for it but in the end it will be worth it. Again, I salute you who choose this unselfish, self-sacrificing path.
Good luck with that.
*opens sex toys website*
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I just want to dump this and move on
Situation:
I got this coworker who is the same age as me. When I say same, I mean we were born in the same year, same month and two days apart. March 1967 must have been a cold boring month in Maryland becuz I’ve run into more than a few December babies from that year. *lqtms*
Anyhoodles, she has married a man who is much younger. She has two children that are not his and decided that she would like to have a baby by her husband.
Huh? We were both 41 when we were discussing this and I just couldn’t relate. I am still waiting to start boo hooing cuz I never had kids. It hasn’t happened yet but I imagine one day it will *shrug*. So if anyone should have been thinking about kids I thought it would be me. Not someone who already has a boy (20) and a girl (10) and she’s had her tubes tied.
So back in October she tells me her marriage is going bad and she and her husband have decided to split. Cool.
Then in November she is requesting sick leave to have her tubes untied.
*Scooby Doo confused rowr*
I needed to go take time out of my lunch and go sit in her office to understand what is going on. I am nosey but not to the point that I would go get into someone’s business. This day, I needed to be all up and through her business. I needed to understand why a woman with 2 kids would want yet another one at 41 soon to be 42 years of age. An infant at that! In a marriage that a month ago was broken.
She said that she wanted to have a baby by a man she was in love with and that they were in counseling. She wasn’t in love with the fathers of her other two kids.
No, that didn’t make any sense to me but then it ain’t my house and it really doesn’t have to make sense. I just needed an explanation. I got one, a crazy one but I got it.
Let me say here that the scariest thing to me right now would be to pop up pregnant at 42 years of age. Even more scary than it would have been at 22 years of age. Not that I couldn’t handle it. No it’s that at this point and time in my life I DON’T WANT TO HANDLE IT!!!! Sheesh! I’d lose my mind. I’ve been celibate for more than a minute now. And I think I might stay that way at least until after my 43rd birthday.
Why?
Because my mother was 42, as all my family takes joy in pointing out, when she gave birth to me. Yeah…my family is not funny at all. I didn’t crack them jokes when my 3 sisters all hit 42 but for me nothing but jokes since I turned 40. After 43 I think I can breathe again. *chuckle*
So back to my coworker. She goes on and has her tubes untied. *blink blink smh*
Now, she and her husband are separating. WTH?????????? *smh*
People. $20,000 pissed away.
Then she got an email from our boss about her comings and goings at work. I had a feeling that was coming eventually. Actually, 3 coworkers got the email about their “accessibility”. *smh* I am so glad my office isn’t down that hallway. I think one person, not the 42 year old, just got hit by association. *shrug* She’s always in her office when I go by. Now the other two? LOL I ain’t even going there.
There, I’ve dumped it and I can move on. This blog really is a good form of therapy. *chuckle*
*tips water bottle at monitor*
I got this coworker who is the same age as me. When I say same, I mean we were born in the same year, same month and two days apart. March 1967 must have been a cold boring month in Maryland becuz I’ve run into more than a few December babies from that year. *lqtms*
Anyhoodles, she has married a man who is much younger. She has two children that are not his and decided that she would like to have a baby by her husband.
Huh? We were both 41 when we were discussing this and I just couldn’t relate. I am still waiting to start boo hooing cuz I never had kids. It hasn’t happened yet but I imagine one day it will *shrug*. So if anyone should have been thinking about kids I thought it would be me. Not someone who already has a boy (20) and a girl (10) and she’s had her tubes tied.
So back in October she tells me her marriage is going bad and she and her husband have decided to split. Cool.
Then in November she is requesting sick leave to have her tubes untied.
*Scooby Doo confused rowr*
I needed to go take time out of my lunch and go sit in her office to understand what is going on. I am nosey but not to the point that I would go get into someone’s business. This day, I needed to be all up and through her business. I needed to understand why a woman with 2 kids would want yet another one at 41 soon to be 42 years of age. An infant at that! In a marriage that a month ago was broken.
She said that she wanted to have a baby by a man she was in love with and that they were in counseling. She wasn’t in love with the fathers of her other two kids.
No, that didn’t make any sense to me but then it ain’t my house and it really doesn’t have to make sense. I just needed an explanation. I got one, a crazy one but I got it.
Let me say here that the scariest thing to me right now would be to pop up pregnant at 42 years of age. Even more scary than it would have been at 22 years of age. Not that I couldn’t handle it. No it’s that at this point and time in my life I DON’T WANT TO HANDLE IT!!!! Sheesh! I’d lose my mind. I’ve been celibate for more than a minute now. And I think I might stay that way at least until after my 43rd birthday.
Why?
Because my mother was 42, as all my family takes joy in pointing out, when she gave birth to me. Yeah…my family is not funny at all. I didn’t crack them jokes when my 3 sisters all hit 42 but for me nothing but jokes since I turned 40. After 43 I think I can breathe again. *chuckle*
So back to my coworker. She goes on and has her tubes untied. *blink blink smh*
Now, she and her husband are separating. WTH?????????? *smh*
People. $20,000 pissed away.
Then she got an email from our boss about her comings and goings at work. I had a feeling that was coming eventually. Actually, 3 coworkers got the email about their “accessibility”. *smh* I am so glad my office isn’t down that hallway. I think one person, not the 42 year old, just got hit by association. *shrug* She’s always in her office when I go by. Now the other two? LOL I ain’t even going there.
There, I’ve dumped it and I can move on. This blog really is a good form of therapy. *chuckle*
*tips water bottle at monitor*
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