Why are they trying me?

*pissed face*

I have been doing so well.  I really have.  I’ve been positive and upbeat.  Things have been going so well for me lately that I have just been feeling so blessed.  The stress has just been missing me left and right.  Today *pauses and looks Heavenward* the devil pulled out all the stops.  He won this round but the war ain’t over.

So I cannot remember whether or not I blogged about my last time eating something one of my coworkers cooked.  It was a few years ago and I did not have a good weekend because of it.  They didn’t kill me then but I swear they keep trying. *nervous chuckle* At least that is what my friends tell me every time I mention that they are having another potluck.

I have taken vacation days to avoid the potlucks.  I have scheduled doctor’s appointments and meetings.  Heck I’ve said I had a meeting and just went and hid out in an empty conference room.

I think I’ve done well in avoiding their cooking.  That is until today.  This time they did a sneak attack.

We celebrate birthdays on the job.  Whoever had the last birthday gets the birthday goodies for the next person.  We have people who like cake or pie or cupcakes, etc.  Whatever the birthday guy or girl would prefer.  Just about everyone bought their offerings at a store or bakery.

But. Not. Today.

Today the coworker hosting the birthday recipient decided she would cook lunch for our team.  They announced it first thing this morning via email telling everyone not to each lunch.  This woman is a very nice woman.  HOW FUGGING EVER!  She has had a cough for YEARS that her doctor can neither diagnose nor cure.  Why the fugg does she think I want her cooking for me?

So I took my medicine about 5 minutes before going into this impromptu luncheon.  I politely explain that the meds I take prevent me from eating for almost an hour.  Everyone nodded and said that’s a shame.  Everyone but CCW2.  This bish gonna ask me what medicine I take.  This bish ain’t a doctor!  And it wasn’t her business.  She was trying to bust on someone!  I told her I couldn’t remember and would have to check the bottle.  Why the fugg do people think it is their business to show people up?  I did the nice polite thing.  What I could have done was the following:

Bish, I ain’t eating from not nan one of y’all.  I have seen two of y’all bishes come out of the bathroom without washing your hands.  One of you trifling bishes had the nerve to stand beside me and PRETEND to wash your hands.  The only reason I caught it was that someone spoke to me as they entered the bathroom.  When I looked up from washing my hands to see who spoke that’s when I caught your nasty azz wiggling your dry azz fingers at the water.  Standing there with this little smirk on your face too!  Then your nasty azz turns off the water with your nasty hands and grabs a paper towel.  The dry towel barely makes it into the trash.  Dry paper don’t fly people.  You just wadded up good before you tossed it.  Then grabbed the handle and walked out the bathroom.  Who would have thought that someone who acts so prissy could be so nasty.  I was in shock when I saw it.

*turn to another coworker*  Then there is your azz!  I saw you run your hands through the water once to the left and then once to the right and turned off the water.  No.  Soap.  Was.  Used.

*look around the room hoping someone will look guilty* Then there is the chick I am trying to catch who uses the bathroom and then exits the bathroom without washing her hands.  I don’t know if it is one or a few of y’all.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than one.  One day someone was in there having the wettest, nastiest sounding BM.  Bish walked out of the bathroom without washing her hands.  OH!  How I wish I could have gotten out of my stall a half a second quicker.  Nasty bish!

*turn and point at another coworker*  Then there is this bish here who scratches her crotch constantly.  CCW2 you keep on eating the food she brings in.  CCW2 your azz stays sick.  Makes you wonder.  Oh and CCW2 you are another one that can’t cook for me the way you stay sick.

That’s just y’all women.

I can’t speak for what goes on in the men’s room but dude in the scarf your hygiene is questionable and you’ve been sick for at least six months.  All last summer you walked around the office with a wool scarf wrapped around your neck.  Our AC ain’t that chilly.  Believe that!  All through the fall and winter you’ve been sniffling.  I thought it was drugs but hey who knows?

Side note: Mr. Wool Scarf cooked this fish dish that everyone insisted I had to try.  So said I had to go to a “meeting”.  *pursed lipped eye roll*  I ain’t got time for tape worms.

CCW2 you got one more time to organize one more gatdamn potluck!  Stop asking these nasty azz people to cook!  Stop cooking and bringing me ish!  ALL THAT SHYT GOES IN THE TRASH WHEN Y’ALL AIN’T LOOKING!!!!!

Not to mention that we are in the middle of cold and flu season.  AGAIN, why the fugg are you trying to organize another potluck that I am not participating in?

Yeah.  That’s what I could have said.  But I didn’t.  I just kept it nice and polite.  She need a fugging hobby, dack or something to keep her mind occupied.  I don’t trust this bish not to be planning to knock off the whole office.

I don’t know what to expect from a bish that patronizes places her daughter wouldn’t be allowed into.  Oh.  CCW2’s daughter is half black.  She remarked about a place she hangs out at that doesn’t allow blacks in 2013.  Her daughter can’t go there unless she is accompanied by her.  *crickets*  Yeah.  But she loves fugging black men.  But she goes places where a black man wouldn’t be allowed.  When someone figures that shyt out put it in a research paper and maybe I’ll read it.  I don’t want shyt from this bish who says she’s a Christian.  Some of these “Christians” gonna have a whole lot of explaining to do.  I hope they got recliners and popcorn in Heaven because I’m gonna be sitting back watching the back peddlers enjoying the show and watching the Lord make them sweat.

I am praying and meditating.  I’m trying to decide if it is time to kick it into bish mode cuz they are trying my patience with this cooking ish!  I should have done what CCW1 did and ate lunch early and showed up at the end.

*stank face while I contemplate what I'm supposed to learn from this*

I just want to dump this and move on

Situation:

I got this coworker who is the same age as me. When I say same, I mean we were born in the same year, same month and two days apart. March 1967 must have been a cold boring month in Maryland becuz I’ve run into more than a few December babies from that year. *lqtms*

Anyhoodles, she has married a man who is much younger. She has two children that are not his and decided that she would like to have a baby by her husband.

Huh? We were both 41 when we were discussing this and I just couldn’t relate. I am still waiting to start boo hooing cuz I never had kids. It hasn’t happened yet but I imagine one day it will *shrug*. So if anyone should have been thinking about kids I thought it would be me. Not someone who already has a boy (20) and a girl (10) and she’s had her tubes tied.

So back in October she tells me her marriage is going bad and she and her husband have decided to split. Cool.

Then in November she is requesting sick leave to have her tubes untied.

*Scooby Doo confused rowr*

I needed to go take time out of my lunch and go sit in her office to understand what is going on. I am nosey but not to the point that I would go get into someone’s business. This day, I needed to be all up and through her business. I needed to understand why a woman with 2 kids would want yet another one at 41 soon to be 42 years of age. An infant at that! In a marriage that a month ago was broken.

She said that she wanted to have a baby by a man she was in love with and that they were in counseling. She wasn’t in love with the fathers of her other two kids.

No, that didn’t make any sense to me but then it ain’t my house and it really doesn’t have to make sense. I just needed an explanation. I got one, a crazy one but I got it.

Let me say here that the scariest thing to me right now would be to pop up pregnant at 42 years of age. Even more scary than it would have been at 22 years of age. Not that I couldn’t handle it. No it’s that at this point and time in my life I DON’T WANT TO HANDLE IT!!!! Sheesh! I’d lose my mind. I’ve been celibate for more than a minute now. And I think I might stay that way at least until after my 43rd birthday.

Why?

Because my mother was 42, as all my family takes joy in pointing out, when she gave birth to me. Yeah…my family is not funny at all. I didn’t crack them jokes when my 3 sisters all hit 42 but for me nothing but jokes since I turned 40. After 43 I think I can breathe again. *chuckle*

So back to my coworker. She goes on and has her tubes untied. *blink blink smh*

Now, she and her husband are separating. WTH?????????? *smh*

People. $20,000 pissed away.

Then she got an email from our boss about her comings and goings at work. I had a feeling that was coming eventually. Actually, 3 coworkers got the email about their “accessibility”. *smh* I am so glad my office isn’t down that hallway. I think one person, not the 42 year old, just got hit by association. *shrug* She’s always in her office when I go by. Now the other two? LOL I ain’t even going there.

There, I’ve dumped it and I can move on. This blog really is a good form of therapy. *chuckle*

*tips water bottle at monitor*