I wasn’t riled or angry about this…until now.

It seems like wherever I go on the internet among black folk these days I eventually run into the topic of black men whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  Sometimes multiple times.  Yesterday on Baller Alert it reared its head again as a member posted that she had just found out that the guy she had been talking to via the Internet for the past year was bi-sexual.  Yesterday he had only been with one guy.  Today it is up to two.

We offered her support and advice that ranged from drop him to safe sex to being friends without benefits.  Then a member chimed in that it made him/her (not sure because they are relatively new) angry when black women don’t accept a black man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  He/she admonished us about accepting them.  A long time member replied, if accepting them means having sex with them then no.  I paraphrase but yeah that is my feeling, too.

So I hopped over to my women’s group on FB to discuss it, yet again *chuckle*.  This was the first time I had ever brought up the topic though.  Anyway, we had a good discussion and I finally got my perfect answer that no one seemed to be able to refute though they did a lot of dancing around it.  It is this:

“I'm not disputing that women cheat. I'm just saying that I trust a woman not to cheat more than I trust a man not to cheat. The articles proclaiming that black bi-men who end up infecting their female partners with HIV/AIDS because they were denied the ability to be honest about their sexuality always fail to emphasize one point: if they hadn't been cheating in the first place then they never would have gotten HIV/AIDS. Doesn't that mean that black bisexual men can't be trusted to be faithful?”

I copied that direct from our post. That was my stand and I’m sticking to it.  Me and one lady agreed to disagree and parted happily enough.  I think the other two are miffed with me. *chuckle*

I know a few of the ladies in our group are bi-sexual.  I think they believe that what I think of men who are bi is what I think of women who are bi.  That just isn’t true.  Women and men are wired differently.  Men keep telling us this and we keep ignoring them.  I’m listening and paying attention, fellas, finally!

See, I may have stated it before and I’ll state it again and keep on stating it.  You cannot stop a black man from doing anything he wants to do or make him do what he does not want to do.

Nothing brought this home to me more than this news story from right here in Maryland.

BALTIMORE -- Quiet suffering continues more than five decades after a law tore apart a Baltimore couple and put their child in an orphanage.  Shirley Howard Billy has since returned to the place that held her captive in the 1950s: the former Pine Street Women's Jail, now an historic site.

Officials indicted and arrested Shirley Billy after she became pregnant by a black man. Now, at age 75, Billy and her 76-year-old husband, John, recently visited the former jail and reflected on how their relationship has endured.

"I never forget about it. I always think about it. I know it has been a long time, but it doesn't go away. It's creepy," Shirley Billy said of her time in the jail. "I cried all night. I was afraid I'd never get out."

Woman Indicted For Carrying Black Man's Child

Pictures help tell the story of the Billys' 53-year-old marriage, but in 1956, hair and clothing styles were much different, and so were social attitudes about interracial couples, WBAL-TV 11 News I-Team reporter Barry Simms said.

The indictment from May 1956 claims "Shirley Ann Howard, who was then and there a white woman, unlawfully suffered and permitted herself to be begotten with child by a negro or mulatto, to wit, John Moses Billy."

The penalty she faced amounted to 18 months to five years in prison.

"I had to go down to the grand jury to verify that I was the father of Shirley Howard's baby, and I wasn't about to deny it," John Billy said.

At the time, John Billy was a 21-year-old musician performing with a band known as The Honeyboys, and Shirley Howard was 20. To this day, she still has questions.

She said she has questions about "how this all came about. Why they pursued it with me and not other people. I could never get answers."

Officials Put Couple's Son In Orphanage

Shirley Billy spent one night in jail before getting bailed out, but that was only part of the ordeal. Social Services and Child Welfare officials took the couple's son, Johnny, and placed him in an orphanage, St. Elizabeth's Home for Colored Infants and Children, where he spent nearly two years.

"My son was in St. Elizabeth for quite a while," Shirley Billy said. "I had every day to think about how to get him home."  Shirley Billy's attorney argued that the origins of the Maryland law that landed her in jail dated back to 1663 and slavery. A later version in 1715 penalized white women who got pregnant by black men. The Billys said the law had never been enforced until Shirley Billy's arrest.

"I think, at the time, they wanted to take Shirley and make an example out of her," John Shirley said.

To get her son back, Shirley Billy had to prove to the court she was working, had a place to live and was married. John Billy said he was drafted into the Army during peacetime, but after basic training, he returned home and the couple married in 1958.

"We had to go to D.C. to get married," Shirley Billy said. "It was illegal in Maryland."

Case Dismissed; Apology Requested

A judge dismissed the case against Shirley Billy, which she said she never knew because her attorney told her not to go to court that day. The state since abolished the law, declaring it unconstitutional in 1957, but the impact of all of this estranged Shirley Billy from her family for more than 20 years.

Shirley Billy said her mother didn't get to know the grandchildren -- Johnny, Gregory and Terry -- until they were adults.

"I always said my mother ... missed out because they were really, really good, nice children," Shirley Billy said.  The Billys said they have suffered quietly, and now they are only seeking one thing.

"My position is an apology she should have gotten from the state of Maryland and from the city of Baltimore," John Billy said.  "John wants it for me. It's a thorn in his side. He wants it for me, and if he gets it, that's fine," Shirley Billy said.  "I want closure for you," John Billy said.

John Billy sent the following letter to Gov. Martin O'Malley in November: "My wife was arrested and put in jail because she broke a 275-year-old law in Maryland ... The law has since been taken off the books but the damage has already been done. I feel the state of Maryland and the city of Baltimore owes my wife an apology."

The Billys are still waiting for a response, something to prove the state of Maryland regrets the humiliation of the past. John Billy has yet to make a formal request for an apology to the city of Baltimore.

Read more: http://www.wbaltv.com/news/30460297/detail.html#ixzz1rJ9EsXqH

He’s lucky he didn’t get lynched when he got home.  Maryland is the old line state. Don’t let the bougie black people fool you.  There are places here in Baltimore that I would tell a black person to stay away from in the daylight hours let alone the night.

So in a time when a black man could be killed for dating, let alone marrying a white woman, you couldn’t stop them.  How is it that in 2012 they are being prevented from being bi-sexual?  Not gay.  Just bi-sexual.

Yeah.  Right.

I don’t understand why I don’t have the right to keep my vagina free of fecal matter.  That stuff gets all up in their peens and there is no peen douche.  Then they ejaculate it all into their women.  No thank you.  We can be friends if he likes but that is all. *shrug*  My body and my health.  HIV/AIDS is not the way to die if you don’t have to and for the most part you don’t.

I discussed the statistics that I got from the CDC mind you.  And I’m not much on stats either because they can be manipulated any which way you want.  But what I do notice is that they have yet to trace a single lesbian to contracting HIV/AIDS from homosexual activities.  All women who have gotten HIV/AIDS on the CDC’s stats either got it from blood transfusion, sharing dirty needles, or sex with a man who was HIV/AIDS infected.  The latter is the leading cause of women contracting HIV/AIDS.

Race or Ethnicity	Estimated # of AIDS Diagnoses, 2009	Cumulative Estimated # of AIDS Diagnoses, Through 2009*
American Indian/Alaska Native	155	3,700
Asiana	429	8,324
Black/African American	16,741	466,351
Hispanic/Latinob	6,719	190,263
Native Hawaiian/Other Pacific Islander	50	839
White	9,467	426,102
Multiple Races	686	12,726

* From the beginning of the epidemic through 2009.
^a Includes Asian/Pacific Islander legacy cases.
^b Hispanics/Latinos can be of any race.

Link:  http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#aidsrace

Now, I don’t know when HIV/AIDS made its official debut on the scientific scene.  I just know that at 13 years of age I picked up a Time magazine and the cover read something like this: AIDS KILLS THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION.  *chuckle*

I remember being sad about it because I had been reading my friend’s father’s dirty mags and sex sounded like fun.  We couldn’t wait until we were old enough to join in the fun.  AIDS killed all those happy thoughts for us real quick. 

I am 44 years old now.  So they’ve been tracking HIV/AIDS cases for over 30 years now.  And the only way to date that a woman has gotten the disease is through blood transfusion, sharing dirty needles, or having sex with a man who is HIV/AIDS infected.  The leading cause for all women is having sex with a man who is HIV/AIDS infected.  And you want me to trust that a bi-sexual man is not going to cheat with another man?  Seriously?  Really?

Chile please.  The only reason they don’t want to come out of the closet is because they know they aren’t going to be faithful.  If the wife/girlfriend doesn’t know she should be checking how much time he spends with his male “friends” then he is free and in the clear to jump in as many booty holes as he wants to and vice versa.

I just don’t get the hostility toward me or anyone else who is not interested in DATING or MARRYING a person whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual.  Why don’t I have that right?

Those whose sexual orientation is homosexual are fighting for the right to a civil marriage.  Do I have to fight for the right not to be dating/married to a bi-sexual man?  I don’t even understand why I have to explain myself.  I don’t ask transgendered persons to explain themselves beyond what they say their mind is telling them.  Why is it my fault that my mind isn’t wired to be sexually attracted to a man who is bi-sexual?

If I were dating a man and he told me his sexual orientation is bisexual he would be moved to the friend zone.  Why?  Because I just don’t trust that he will be faithful.  Why set either one of us for a lot of suspicion, mistrust, and eventual heartbreak.  I don’t knock any woman who does it.  I would tell her to be safe and keep it moving.  It isn’t for me and I don’t understand why I’m wrong?

Is he wrong for wanting to sleep with men and women?  What about all the diseases and infections I could be opening myself up to by having sexual relations with a man whose sexual orientation is bi-sexual?  There isn’t just HIV/AIDS.  Don’t forget E. coli infections; hepatitis A, B; and C; and thank you American Cancer Society for letting me know that most of the people who get anal cancer, the rarest form of cancer, usually contract it through the anal sexual transmission of the Human papillomavirus.  Now I know why they want to vaccinate boys and girls for Human papillomavirus.  Risk Factors for Anal Cancer ACS

So when I add all that up it doesn’t seem worth it for me.  *shrug*  How about he accept my friendship?  Because if the only way for me to show acceptance of a man whose sexuality is bi-sexual is to have sex with him then call me a non-accepting heffa cuz I ain’t doing it.

*rolls eyes, sucks teeth, and chucks the whole lot of men who are bi-sexual the peace sign*

CCW1

*twisting lips around* I'm not particularly peeved, or angry, or mad. I'm not curious but it is in my spirit and I wish to purge it. So, here I shall.

So Friday the Megamillions jackpot went up to $640 million. On Thursday a group of us at work got together to buy tickets. We were each going to put in $5.  We sent out an email. 11 people answered. 10 had their money and one did not. CCW1 didn't have her money. So I mention it to another person and wonder should we just wait until Friday. She volunteered to put in for CCW1. I let CCW1 know. She replies, Well, I actually need $10. I owe so-and-so $5 and was going to put in $5 for them. Ok, I looked at her like she was crazy. I wasn't going back to ask that woman to put in an extra $5 to cover CCW1's debt. Especially since the word around the office is that she borrows and then doesn't pay it back.

Look it, I broke down and got a car. Gas is now $4/gal. $10 is 2.5 gals of gas. She done bumped her head if she think I'm throwing away gas money on her and she has an able bodied man at home. All I got is me. Yeah, I'm careful with my dollars.

So Friday all these extra people pop up wanting to join in. So fine we say we'll buy more tickets. CCW1 has her money now and she comes in and instead of handing it to me she threw it at me, saying Since you couldn't wait for me yesterday but you can wait for these other people. I started to tell her something but it could only have been God that kept my mouth shut. I didn't say anything but just looked at her. She soon left my office.

Cuz what I wanted to tell her is:

1) Chick it is all over the office that you borrow money and don't return it. I wasn't about to be responsible for you bilking another coworker out of $10. Then I would have had to repay them and been out $10. You are not worth 2.5 gals of gas to me. Deal with it.

2) Like Shante, you have a man at home. Between the two of y'all you didn't have $10? Ok, that is your problem and not mine or anyone else's.

3) Take your money back because with all the negative energy that comes with it we definitely won't win. And we didn't.

4) No one owes you gatdamn thing in this world. You need to get over yourself. Your daddy was famous. Not. You. You are 43 years old and you still ain't got that, yet?

I think I mentioned before about 2 coworkers telling me about her office money borrowing habits. I don't know why people tell me so much of her business. I do not ask. They literally come to my office and ask did I hear the latest. No. And I don't want to. Well, I just wanted you to know blah blah blah.

People. For real. If you want your money back from her then go ask her! The fact that you are going around talking to me and who knows who else tells me you are salty about it. But venting to me doesn't get your money back. And I really don't want to hear it.

*sighs* Then she told us to pray for her as she was going to apply for this job in another dept. *eyebrows come together* I didn't say anything but I immediately shot her buddy CCW2 a look. CCW2 worked in that dept. I've been on an interview in that dept. and decided against the job after the interview. I know people who worked in that dept and left. We all have A LOT LESS DRAMA going on with us than CCW1.

CCW1 says the job is all the things that she loves to do. That is fine and dandy. My questions are will she be able to stop screaming at her husband at work, stop borrowing from people on the job, keep regular working hours, and not go around telling everyone she hates her job while there. This is a very high visibility supervisory job. *blink blink*

I wish her the best of luck but let me state why I am not in the least bit interested in any job in that dept at all. My interview process went fine until I got to the last interview. I met with a gentleman who after asking me the normal interview questions then gave a very PERSONAL assessment of me that had nothing to do with the job. This man literally got into my psyche and took it apart. Some of the things that he said were so dead on that I had to go home and think about the rest of his assessment a couple days.

Then after I got him out of my brain I started to wonder why he did it? Is this something he does for shyts and giggles ever third Tuesday of the month or what? If he's in a bad mood does he come in and play mind games with the office staff? I didn't know and realized that neither the job nor the dept was for me.

Then someone that I thought I had gotten rid up showed up again. I changed my cell number as I do every 4 years or so. That gets rid of the exes or the wanna be exes. I don't do tap backs.

I got to say, I do love my Caucasian girlfriends but I swear they are the craziest. Bless the men that love them because I swear they are too cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Not all of them, just the ones I've known. lol I guess that is what throws me about CCW1, usually I find this level of crazy among my Caucasian girlfriends.

One of them reared her head again last week. She emailed me at work. Damn it! *chuckle* So we had lunch so that we could catch up. That means so she could dump all the drama that she has been going through on me from the previous year. *eye roll* Why, Lord? Why do I get all the crazy Caucasian women?

It is like because I know how to duck the simple azz negro men that I have to make up for it by having crazy Caucasian women befriend me.  I knew her azz was crazy when I met her 5 years ago. Last year she was finally diagnosed. She says.

Let's see. She finally got a divorce from her ex, she had a mental breakdown because his business failed and he was stalking her, they put her in a mental hospital, he came there and tried to kill her, he is now engaged to be married, he has custody of the kids and is living in PA, she has met a massage therapist off the internet who is presently in Japan or China taking classes at an exclusive massage therapy school, if/when they get serious he'll let her drive one of his luxury cars.

I think they need to adjust her meds some more. *rubs forehead* I do not need anymore crazy in my life. Please, Lord, make them go away.

One more thing about CCW1 since people love spilling her business all over the office. Her husband put her out of the section 8 house in September. Well, some time over the past few months his sister put him out the section 8 house. Of course she took him back. I guess she's stuck with him until they get their settlement check from the accident. *shrug* She did veto his idea of buying a jaguar for him. I'm proud of her for that much.

My Inner Princess

I recently noticed that my Inner Princess pic is blinking. I guess the sight where I copied her from has updated some code or Blogger has updated their code to allow animation. Whatever, all I know is if the heffa starts spinning around and speaking in a language I don't understand, I'm deleting her!

*chuckling at my own inner crazy*

I needed to say this to my 44 year old self

Bitch, you are fabulous! Work it!

Angry white women

So yesterday seemed to be angry white women go around the internet and insult black women for no apparent reason day.  Or it may have just been the same white woman making the rounds of all the predominantly black websites.  I don’t particularly care.  I’m going to state the facts and why the fugg I was and am still pissed.

I was on OHN getting my laugh on when this white chick shows up out of nowhere with a backhand slap to black women on a post that had ZERO to do with insulting black women.  It was all a parody about black men.  I sat back and waited for someone to get her, like they jumped on the chick who stepped out and said black men ain’t shyt.  After several minutes when no one said a damn thing to defend our honor, I hopped over to fb and asked the ladies did they know this chick and when was someone going to get her azz.

Then me and the ladies headed back over to OHN and proceeded to put her azz in her place.  She did get called a bytch by one person one fugging time.  One, and only ONE, of the fellas tried to shut her azz down and out before she got too far but she kept typing so, as usual, we black women had to stand up for ourselves.  Only one man spoke up for black women’s honor and he only did so ONCE.

So yesterday evening the moderators called themselves addressing it by dressing down those who shut the chick up.  Because know she got shut the fugg up and no one threatened her life or told her to die or drink bleach.  She got a good old fashion dress down.  For which we got dressed down and I’ve been pissed and raw about it ever since.

So two years ago it was ok for the whole OHN community black, white, Hispanic, Asian, etc to come out on the chick who said black men ain’t ish and tell her all the ish I’ve mentioned before and above but it wasn’t ok for us black women, when it seemed only one of the men would speak up for us, to defend ourselves?  Bullsh$#!

So it was ok about 18 months ago for one of OHN’s stans to get into an altercation with an albino woman and quite a few OHNawlians to go in on her when she jumped in said stan’s azz?  That Twitter battle was epic.  That woman was so smart and awesome I started following her. LOL  She was having an argument with some of OHN’s best and holding her own.  In that instance they were wrong.  The OHN stan made an inappropriate comment about albinos and she let them know she took offense.  The stan instead of just dropping it started cussing her out.  And she dressed everyone of them down until she shut them down.

So that was ok?  Bullsh$#!

Now, on BA another white chick or maybe the same one, strolls over and turns a post that had not a thing to do with race into a race argument.  The post wasn’t one I was interested in so I missed most of the fireworks until I checked it at the end of my lunch and there were 113 comments.  I was like, let me go see what is going on.  This post shouldn’t have had more than 20-30 comments and it blew up.  After reading about 3 pages I saw what happened and that said white chick got her azz served on toast points as she should have.

Today, one of the ladies who participated in the down dressing posted an apology to Boss.  Boss was like for what?  That was mild compared to how bad we have been in the past.  Personally, I believe the chick had it coming.  It may even be her kink.  Masochists come in many different levels, from verbal to physical abuse.

I’m just at this point now where I see, black women always have to stand on our own and handle our own because black men will not do it for us.

OHN’s regluator said that we showed her just what she wanted to see.  My thought was: What?  That black men don’t value their black queens enough to shut anyone down who disrespects them?  Because that’s all I saw.

OHN’s regulator said next time just email one of them.  But see, they call themselves a community and that ain’t a community.  That’s grade school.  Ooooooh Miz Moderator, she said black girls ain’t shyt.  Then Miz Moderator smacks the tattletale for saying "shyt".

Nah, I’m 44 years old.  I ain’t perfect nor am I saying I’m right.  I’m just saying, nah.  That ain’t for me.

See, if you walk into my physical community and attack me verbally I am going to give as good as I get.  Period.  WTF do you look like calling the police because someone said you ain’t shyt?  The 911 operator will ask if the person threatened you with physical violence and when you say no then they’ll tell you there is nothing they can do.

Well there is something I can do.  I can tell you just what I think of your notions about black women.

A white woman can have THREE different semen stains in her panties.  Only one of the stains belongs to her boyfriend but it was the black pro-athlete that raped her.

A little black teenage girl can be found raped, beaten, covered in human excrement and cuts but she wasn’t raped?  I can say a lot of negative things about Rev Al Sharpton but to this day I got to respect him for standing by her then.  I recently saw an interview, he still stands by that young girl even though white people still want to say she wasn’t raped.  He’s the only black man so far who will do so publicly.

And black men wonder why they can’t get the fugg ahead.  You NEVER let anyone disrespect your queen just like I would never let anyone disrespect my king.  Until they learn that cardinal rule they more than likely won’t get the fugg anywhere either.

I noticed even the white guys kept their mouths shut during that confrontation.  They can say they weren’t there all they want to but I won’t believe it.

They keep trying to push us to the bottom and telling us to shut up but I won’t be quiet.

Cool, that is his site and his rules.  I got to respect that.  So maybe it is best I just keep my comments to myself and stay the hell off the site.  Because you know what?  If she or anyone else black, white, green, indigo or what the fugg ever said that ish today, tomorrow, or 100 years from now and I’m still alive reading on OHN or any other website I will still do and say the same damn things.

This song says it all.  If I live long enough to see black men pull their collective heads out of their crotches and do an about face and treat each and every black woman with the respect that a man shows his queen and some young un asks me why were black women so angry when I was young I’ll have a post to remind me.

*pushes play*

I got a profound case of the sads about my black people

Yesterday was Sunday. Chore day and quiet meditation day. I got to thinking about being a black person in America.  I got to thinking about all the things we should be doing but aren't. Like, we are just getting another cable network. I don't count OWN because Oprah's network is for all people. It is not centered around black American interests.  And yes, we do need networks and shows that are centered around what we like to see and do.  Some Caucasian stuff is just that, Caucasian stuff and nothing I'm interested in seeing or doing.

However, it is not up to Caucasian Americans to do that for us. It is up to us and we have more than enough wealth within our communities to do so.

Like why does Sean "Puffy/Diddy/P.Diddy" Combs have luxury cars for every day of the week when there are young black students who could become the scientists to work on our health problems who don't have enough money to complete their doctoral degrees without getting school loans up the ying yang that they'll still be paying off when their first grandchild is born?

Why pick on Mr. Combs? Well, in his rap You Can Hate Me Now, he talks about living Bill Gates' dreams.  Well Mr. Gates is in the business of giving away most of his wealth before he dies. He just recently fell out of the wealthiest man in the USA spot and that was his goal. He gives money to fund specific projects in underprivileged countries.  Because of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, polio has almost been completely eradicated in India. Last year the whole country only had one reported case. That is something he can be proud of. When he stands before God, he can show what he did with the much that God gave him.

Mr. Combs can show God his luxury cars. And black men wonder why people don't respect or take them seriously.

Black America is its own underprivileged country. Yet with all the wealth that our black American men control, because there aren't that many black female millionaires let alone billionaires, they spend more on luxury then in trying to further they own communities. Heck you can't get most of them to pay child support. I could but won't list all the black American pro-athletes and entertainers living the high life who are not paying their child support.  Instead of them being ashamed of that fact they want you to feel sorry for them because they never wanted the child in the first place.

Unless she raped you I ain't trying to hear it. Yes it is possible for a woman to rape a man. So far not one man has claimed rape. They all went in with their eyes wide open and penis uncovered.

I am watching black American men chase sex, not love just sex, like men in other cultures chase paper. And by paper I mean money, of course, but awards and recognition come on paper, degrees come on paper, deeds to land come on paper, the woman of their heart comes with a marriage license written on paper. I'm watching men of other cultures chase things of real worth.  Consequently their lives and cultures and futures look so much brighter and better than our own here in the black American community.

I have seen Caucasian America try to communicate to black American men that they are failing. I am watching black American men continue to say it is all black American women's fault for giving up the sex, that they want so desperately that they lie for it, too easy.  They say that if we black American women didn't fall for their lies and put up with their nonsense in hopes of gaining the love of a black American man then they would be better men.

The moment you lie to gain another person's trust so that you can take advantage of them puts the majority of the onus on you for whatever becomes of that person or happens to that person. There comes a time when even we have to accept some responsibility for our actions ladies. When you catch him in a lie, no matter how much you love this man, you have to leave and do not look back. If a person never has consequences for their bad behavior then they never change.

No one believes the BS that black American men are spewing outside of the black American community. In many different ways, if you are paying attention, the world is telling us this black American women.  They know us to be a victim but we don't have to remain their victims.  I think it is up to each of us how we live our lives.

We can cry and whine and beg and plead for their love. We can change ourselves in every way that today's plastic surgeons and make up counters can change us. We can give up the goods when they say. We can crawl, lie, steal, cheat, and fight for their love.

Or, just maybe we can just learn to first like and then love ourselves. Maybe we can decide that anything we have to demean ourselves for in order to attain it just isn't worth it.

I don't have to crawl on my belly for my own love. I don't have to crawl for God's love. To quote Howard Hewett:


See, you don't have to beg or crawl
He can see you standin' proud and tall
He'll give His everlasting love
Just come to Him as you are ~ Say Amen

Just like I am. Straight hair, kinky hair, no hair. Small nose, big nose, medium sized nose. Tall, short. Fat, skinny and everything in between. Light bright and dang near white or blacker than the darkest night. He still loves you. It does not matter what you look like or have or don't have, God loves you just as you are. Through Him, NOT RELIGION, I have learned how to like and love me just the way I am and it shows. Not to say that religion was not a part of my path to Him. There just came a time when I left religion behind in my search for a better understanding of and relationship with Him.

I cannot and will not lie to myself or the world about black American men. The truth about them is really easy to see. I've tried talking to quite a few of them through different websites and even face to face with no success.  Some where along the way they decided that what they wanted to do, no matter how detrimental it was to the black American community, was what they were going to do and either we black American women could get on board or be left alone and lonely.

I will not allow them to define me, my femininity, or my life. Consequently, I am not alone nor am I lonely. Since I stopped letting black American men define me I've been living a fuller more contented life. The only issues I have had are with people who neither understand me nor want to try to understand me.

Last night, I took a swing by my fb women's group to find the younguns crying and whining about being single again and decided to pop in a dvd instead. I tried explaining to them what they needed to focus on a couple times and they are still singing the same sad song. I decided to do what the other women around my age do, shut up and do something else.

So I popped in one of my favorite dvds Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah and LL Cool J. There is a part in the movie where she is in the presidential suite of this grand luxury hotel and she is in the bed just rubbing all against the expensive sheets and smiling and happy. I was like girl, I know how you feel. I started rolling around in my freshly changed bed reveling in the April freshness that is Downy just as content as I could be. I had just taken those sheets, pillowcases, blankets and even my night clothes from the dryer not 5 hours ago.  Neither she nor I had a man in our beds and we were just as content as could be.

When you are happy with you and where you are in life, whether or not you have a man will not be your joy. Your joy will just be in living and enjoying the moment and knowing how blessed you are.

My blessings: I had two parents who loved me. No my daddy didn't marry my mother but he loved me enough to give me his Cherokee mother's name and it is a term of endearment when you know the translation. I know I had the most awesome and loving and protective and fantastic and smart and wise woman as my mother. I know I had/have 3 sisters who adore me no matter how much we get on each other's nerves. I know I have limbs that have worked from birth, I was born with a full bush of hair that has thinned somewhat from not caring for it right but it is still here. I know I can hear and I can see and I can sing and I even have rhythm. I love to laugh and do so often with people and even at myself from time to time because I am a funny woman. I can get joy just from the turning of the leaves spring, summer, and fall. I have a favorite shade of blue sky. I love animals and kids and they love me. I have met so many wonderful people that I can appreciate each in turn for what they brought to my life and even took away. I can appreciate what they took and why.

I have so many more blessings. It is why I could roll around in my bed alone smiling and content with not another soul in that bed but me. And despite what anyone else says, there wasn't a doggone thing wrong or selfish about it.

If God had wanted me to have a man there with me, and He keeps telling me He does, then I would have had one. We are on each other's path. *chuckle* I just have to come to terms with a few things first. He ain't through we me yet.

All that to say: Ppppppphhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttt to the BS that black American men are spouting. Life is hard for every body on the face of this planet. No one's cross is any harder to bear than anyone else's. If black American men think life for them is hard in the USA then they should try being a one legged prostitute anywhere on the face of the planet.

Quite frankly, if black American men want to see positive images of themselves then they are going to have to stop throwing stacks at strippers and invest in movies by the few black writers and producers around. They are going to have to fund scholarships for young black people who want to get into the movie/television industry. And they are going to have to stop worshiping at the altar of these simpletons who get a few stacks from rapping and don't try to spin it into long term wealth.

Quite frankly, if black American men want to see positive images of themselves in cartoons, animated movies, and comics then they are going to have to go into the ghettos and find these talented young street artists that draw graffiti that takes your breath away because it is art that should be seen in a gallery and not on the side of a building where it will be whitewashed away as junk. They are going to have sponsor these young artists in galleries and shows and expect no profit in return other than helping their black American community to move another step forward.

Quite frankly, if black American men want to be taken seriously by anyone they are going to have to stop chasing sex, stop promoting that every woman of every other culture but their own is beautiful and worthy to be showered with their wealth, and start chasing the things that matter in this life. The things that last and make contributions to the next generation of black American communities.

Chasing sex contributes to unwanted pregnancies, STDs/STIs, destruction of families, mental illness, poverty, neglect, loneliness, and death.

And not a single man of any culture on this planet has been able to succeed without their queen made in their own image beside them.

I have often wondered what black American men discussed at the last million man march because the black American community seems to be falling apart. I have often wondered if that was on their agenda at all. I am beginning to see a world where we no longer exist.  We will be footnotes in history. A few pages and some dusty tomes that will serve as a warning of what happens when you forsake your duty to your people and future generations to chase after carnal gratification and nothing more.

If you pay close attention, my beautiful, strong, vibrant, black American sisters, you will see that though black American men blame us for their weaknesses, missteps, and failures, many many others do not.

It is really quite simple, the majority of the black American women that I grew up with and were raised by were and are good, virtuous, and hardworking women who loved/love their black American men.  When the black American man changed his mind about what he wanted in a woman we did everything we could to accommodate him from colored contacts, to weaves, fad diets, spanx, skin bleaching, etc. The list goes on.

Look at Lil Kim. That girl was beautiful when she hit the scene.

Now she looks like some caricature of a Caucasian-esque woman.

I am going to mourn now for the future that we are missing out on. I'm going to pray for a change in black American men's hearts. Then I'm going to get up and be the best woman I can possibly be so that I can stand before God with something added to all that He has blessed me with.  He gives a lot but He expects a hefty return. Not so much for Himself because all things belong to Him but for the betterment of mankind.

"For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48


"Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire." Matthew 7:19

Black American men can blame Caucasians for a lot but from this point in time forward, what does or does not become of us is completely on them. If they keep chasing foolishness and carnal pleasure they will condemn us all to extinction.

If they can be the men they profess themselves to be, put away their penises, and start building a better tomorrow then there is an awesome future ahead for all of us. 

It is so simple. I pray that they wake up before it is too late. I pray it isn't already too late.

My fb women's group

So we were having a little discussion in my women’s group on fb. I love my women’s group.  I’m gonna miss them when fb finally puts the coup de grâce on folks and makes people leave en masse.

Anyway, I’m gonna use initials because anything else will just confuse me when I’m a senior citizen trying to read through my younger ramblings.  Every now and again I run across an old journal and spend a few hours chuckling at myself and what was oh so devastating back then.  So I know this blog should give me days of entertainment someday.

So the couple that I gave until spring before they broke up and they made it to February was the topic.  TG is the girl and ES is the guy.  It has now been revealed that he had been seeing another woman seriously since at least January. *pursed lip eye roll*

So TC one of our resident brilliant – and published – writers said that she had not been exposed to people who find a new relationship before ending the current one.

I responded quick as you please that I needed to move to where she is because I’ve seen it so much in the Delaware, Maryland, Virginia area for YEARS that I thought it was the norm.  She didn’t respond to me.  I think she thought I was being smart mouthed but I wasn’t.

It is Sunday chore day and it got me to thinking about all the people who have done this, gone through the drama that A.L.W.A.Y.S. accompanies breaking up with one person after you’ve hooked another person and then lived to repeat the pattern and of course drama.

Now, I’ve never done it because I’ve seen the aftermath.  Think arrest, cavity searches and court cases.  Seriously.  It ain’t for me.

But whenever I’m approached by a guy and they ask my relationship situation, I respond single.  The next question is almost invariably: Do you have a friend with benefits.  No. I do not.  That’s when I get people telling me I’m lying.  Once I convince them I’m not lying then they look at me like I got 3 heads.

*head scratch*  Somewhere in the last 20 years people have decided that they can’t live without sex with another person or they will die.  I’m here to tell you today that you can survive an extended period of time without having sex with another human being.  Seriously.  You will not melt, die, go insane, become a homicidal maniac, commit suicide, rape animals, spontaneously combust, etc.

If anything, abstinence – once you get over the hornies and they are a devil – calms you.  You think before you leap.  Rational thought seems to be severely lacking nowadays.  Maybe all the sex people are getting and constantly seeking is the reason.

Something to think about.

See, I was a tomboy by happenstance.  My mother was very protective of her girl-child as a parent should be.  A parent should be very protective of every child.  Not to stop them from running, jumping, playing and such. No.  She never stopped me from doing that unless it was in the house. *chuckle*  But she protected me from the monsters out there.  The monsters in smiling adult faces who seek to destroy childhood innocence.  I blogged a bit about them in my men are nasty post.  I’ve since learned from men that men and women can be just as nasty to little boys.  It is a dangerous world out there folks.  Get off the cell phone and keep an eye on your children.  You can talk to them until you and they are blue in the face and they won’t understand until it is too late.  Think about when you taught them the stove is hot and not to be played with.  It wasn’t until they touched it and it hurt that they understood.  Same thing with stranger danger.

So anyway, we lived on Park Heights Avenue when I was between 18 months and 10 years old.  My mother did not allow me to cross the street.  Unfortunately, that’s where the little girls my age lived.  Across the street.

I wasn’t allowed to go but 3 houses away.  The only kids in that radius my age were boys.  So I became a tomboy outside and a girl in the house.  I was all dolls and such when I was playing in the house.  I was playing football, not touch or tag football but FOOTBALL, outside with the boys.  And these boys did not care that I was a girl.  I got sacked just like the guys and I wasn’t allowed to cry about it otherwise they just wouldn’t play with me anymore that day. 

No bullying or teasing, just you go sit down since you are hurt. 

SN: how did my generation raise such mean spirited and evil kids that they would goad other children into committing school shootings, suicide and such?  I think it is when people decided they didn’t need God in their lives that it happened.  When you don’t believe in consequences, Heaven, Hell or that God is watching and keeping score then you are free to do whatever pops into your head to do.  My blog.  My opinion.

So my point is that with all the time I spent in my formative years with guys it has always been easy for me to socialize with them.  Most of my friends’ men love me and I’m one of the few friends of their women they are always glad to see.  If your man doesn’t like me it is because he is not a good guy and he knows that I know it.  He also knows I know how to get rid of him.  It is such an odd thing, I can look a guy in the eye and know immediately.  We both know immediately that we ain’t gonna like each other.  It is always such an odd feeling, too.

Thanks AC., B., B., and B.  My years with y’all scrounging in the mud, climbing trees – yes there are trees in the city worth climbing – walking rooftops, jumping off garages, etc somehow helped me be a better judge of male character.

When I got to college all I dressed in was jeans, tees, and a ponytail.  Only time I was in a dress was for different Greek organization balls or when I ran out of laundry money.  Then I pulled out all the stops to remind the guys I was all girl. *chuckling remembering the results*

But I melded right in with a group of guys and those guys tried me, too.  I was attracted to a few in the group I hung out with.  Until I spent some time with them getting to know them.  The mask they show to girls gone and the real guy exposed.  Yeah.  I liked hanging with them but I wouldn’t have wanted not a one of them as my boyfriend.  A few were dating friends of mine and as long as they treated them right then I didn’t bust on them.

After a few of them tried to turn me into a friend with benefits and failed they assumed I was gay. *smirk*  I busted some egos when they found out I wasn’t.  *uncaring shrug*

But I sat there and listened to how they ran game.  How they slipped and slid around the rules they have in place for their women but didn’t necessarily follow themselves.

Like I said, men are nasty.  At the core of quite a few of them back in the day was crud.  Those crudballs have raised a whole new generation of crudball men and they are winning.  Most women don’t know their guy is a crudball until it is too late.

Like the little gremlin that is at the root of TG’s heartbreak.  Back in the day there was a guy on campus who he reminds me of in the looks department and he got zero women.  Now women are fighting over these little gremlins? *snort, gag, choke, guffaw*

I got to respect his skills even if I don’t respect his game play.  He will get his and I wouldn’t want to be standing next to him when he does.  That kind of stuff has the tendency to spill over onto whoever is with him.

Straight up, if your life ain’t going right and you KNOW you ain’t done anything that would make God mad, karma get in your butt, or what goes around come around to see you, then take a look at who you are hanging with and what they are doing.  More than likely they’re comeuppance is spilling over onto you.  Leave them alone immediately.

That ain’t 100% true all the time but it is always worth a check.

His game: it was revealed by TG that last year he was cheating on his girl with her.  The previous girl tried to warn her.  That leads me to believe that he did that with his previous girlfriend and that this is how he operates.  He sells women on love – no no # 1 in the player’s handbook – and then takes advantage of them until he finds his next mark.  There is a new one every year.  Last year was TG’s year.  This year it is some new chick.

This little gremlin mofo got TG to move from the top of the USA – I forget which state – to Georgia to be with him so that they could marry and start a life together after he graduated last year.  She just needed to foot the bills until he did.

This little gremilin mofo ain’t graduated yet and has moved onto a new girl.

Now, what leads me to believe we all might end up Dateline’s one black crime story of the year is the following:

TG refuses to let this ish go and accept that how she got him is how she lost him.  She keeps emailing his frat brother who assures her he is giving ES a hard way to go. *eye roll*  Meanwhile, ES has unfriended everyone BUT her dog.  So she is spying on his FB page through the dog’s page. *slow blink*

First off, your dog shouldn’t have a fb page unless it is a show dog or performer or you breed dogs. Period.  Anything else and you need to go outside and make some real life friends.

Second, her friends aren’t being friends.  First they told her that ES would not cheat on her when he wanted to go sleep over at another girl’s house. Still snickering about that mind you.  Then they aren’t being real with her.  They keep saying she just needs love and to vent.  No.  She needs to accept that this is her comeuppance for how she got him last year.  Accept that he is pond scum.  Accept that he is not going to put back on his nice guy façade and come back to her.  And accept that his frat brother is reading her emails and laughing at her more than likely with ES.

I find it real convenient that ES has unfriended everyone but the dog.  Come on now, she and the dog have the same last name and the dog’s pic is in his avi.  Then all his fb posts are about how wonderful his life is.  She believes he is lying because of the lies that his frat brother is telling her.

Let me tell you what I believe is going on.  The frat brother is trying to keep things smooth between the frat and their sister organization.  TG is pledging the sister organization and I think that is a HUGE mistake right now.  This is something she needs to put off at least a year until she has some distance between the break up and its aftermath.  She is 33 years old.  If she didn’t do it in undergrad and ain’t done it in all the years since, waiting a year won’t hurt her any.  Why the same chapter he and his new boo are in?  Yeah.  This is a bad idea all the way around and true friends would have told her so and convinced her otherwise.

And despite what she thinks, unless the frat brother is gay, he wants to screw her.

Every email he gets is another joke between the brothers.

Frat brother: Man! ES! You must have put it DOWN on this chick! *laugh laugh laugh* She is still emailing me tripping!

ES: What can I say, frat? What can I say?  Thanks for handling her for me.  Last thing we need is the hens in the sister organization to be all riled up.  I owe you.

Frat brother: You mind if I tap that when I get a chance?

ES: Naw man! Do you but you see how crazy she is. *laugh laugh laugh*

Frat brother: Crazy puzzi is the best man! *laugh laugh laugh*

ES: Well let me hip you to something dude…

The rest of that convo of what ES would share is confidential and was shared in the group and I don’t feel right sharing it here even though I ain’t naming names.  Just know ES is telling all her sordid little secrets.

She’s stalking him through the dog’s fb page, emailing the frat every other day, pledging the same chapter as him and his new boo, refuses to hear anyone saying anything disparaging against him, and she still believes he is a good guy, he’s just confused.

Yeah.  Right.  Uh huh.

I believe she is two steps away from killing her own dog, hanging the dog on his momma’s front door, and writing in the dog’s blood: You forgot to unfriend me, ES!!!!

It has been three weeks and she has not begun to move on.  People are trying to sugar coat this for her when she needs someone to wake her up.  Now!  Before I need a lawyer to tell the press: Ms Flake has no comment at the moment.  Her heart goes out to the families involved.

I’m sure the guys on OHN think it is amusing, too.  ES and TG met there.  I’m sure just like the OHNawlettes know what is going on, so do the OHNellows.  There was even a post regarding guys playing girls and how the poster didn’t think the guys should be taken to task for something we women allow to happen to us.  That is BS but that is a post for another day.

TG said the post made her feel some kind a way about it because she is in that situation now.  Yeah.  Not cute fellas.  If this mess gets messier and ends up a court case they will not find it funny when the FBI is crawling through OHN’s archives, pulling up fb chats and convos, skype transcripts, etc.

Makes me glad she doesn’t like me.  We don’t’ have more than a handful of convos and we are usually on opposing sides.  Ms. Flake ain’t got anything to comment on.  Thank you, Lord!

Add to the fact that most of the folk who met on OHN are engaged or have gotten married and she ended up with one of the duds.  Now tell me she doesn’t have a lot on her plate to make her not just a little crazy but a lot crazy.

Yeah, one of her friends needs to have a confidential offline chat with her.  They need to catch a plane, get in a car, reach her by caravan or something before this turns into a Fatal Attraction.  They may not think it is that serious but then I bet Amy Fisher’s family didn’t think it was serious either.  How about the female astronaut driving in a diaper to kill the wife of the guy she wanted?  Women can be just as crazy as men.  It doesn’t take much to push someone over the edge.  We have not walked with TG her whole life.  We don’t know what other things are swirling around in her head.  We don’t know if or how many times she’s been here before.

What I do know is that at the 3 week mark she should not still be emailing his frat brother, she should not be pledging the same chapter as her fresh ex and his new boo, and she should definitely not be stalking him through the dog’s fb page.

Did I mention she was one of the women who came out after me when I spoke to her avatar boyfriend one too many times on OHN?  Yeah.  One of her friends better get her and soon.

*goes to practice saying “No comment” in the mirror*