Why are they trying me?

*pissed face*

I have been doing so well.  I really have.  I’ve been positive and upbeat.  Things have been going so well for me lately that I have just been feeling so blessed.  The stress has just been missing me left and right.  Today *pauses and looks Heavenward* the devil pulled out all the stops.  He won this round but the war ain’t over.

So I cannot remember whether or not I blogged about my last time eating something one of my coworkers cooked.  It was a few years ago and I did not have a good weekend because of it.  They didn’t kill me then but I swear they keep trying. *nervous chuckle* At least that is what my friends tell me every time I mention that they are having another potluck.

I have taken vacation days to avoid the potlucks.  I have scheduled doctor’s appointments and meetings.  Heck I’ve said I had a meeting and just went and hid out in an empty conference room.

I think I’ve done well in avoiding their cooking.  That is until today.  This time they did a sneak attack.

We celebrate birthdays on the job.  Whoever had the last birthday gets the birthday goodies for the next person.  We have people who like cake or pie or cupcakes, etc.  Whatever the birthday guy or girl would prefer.  Just about everyone bought their offerings at a store or bakery.

But. Not. Today.

Today the coworker hosting the birthday recipient decided she would cook lunch for our team.  They announced it first thing this morning via email telling everyone not to each lunch.  This woman is a very nice woman.  HOW FUGGING EVER!  She has had a cough for YEARS that her doctor can neither diagnose nor cure.  Why the fugg does she think I want her cooking for me?

So I took my medicine about 5 minutes before going into this impromptu luncheon.  I politely explain that the meds I take prevent me from eating for almost an hour.  Everyone nodded and said that’s a shame.  Everyone but CCW2.  This bish gonna ask me what medicine I take.  This bish ain’t a doctor!  And it wasn’t her business.  She was trying to bust on someone!  I told her I couldn’t remember and would have to check the bottle.  Why the fugg do people think it is their business to show people up?  I did the nice polite thing.  What I could have done was the following:

Bish, I ain’t eating from not nan one of y’all.  I have seen two of y’all bishes come out of the bathroom without washing your hands.  One of you trifling bishes had the nerve to stand beside me and PRETEND to wash your hands.  The only reason I caught it was that someone spoke to me as they entered the bathroom.  When I looked up from washing my hands to see who spoke that’s when I caught your nasty azz wiggling your dry azz fingers at the water.  Standing there with this little smirk on your face too!  Then your nasty azz turns off the water with your nasty hands and grabs a paper towel.  The dry towel barely makes it into the trash.  Dry paper don’t fly people.  You just wadded up good before you tossed it.  Then grabbed the handle and walked out the bathroom.  Who would have thought that someone who acts so prissy could be so nasty.  I was in shock when I saw it.

*turn to another coworker*  Then there is your azz!  I saw you run your hands through the water once to the left and then once to the right and turned off the water.  No.  Soap.  Was.  Used.

*look around the room hoping someone will look guilty* Then there is the chick I am trying to catch who uses the bathroom and then exits the bathroom without washing her hands.  I don’t know if it is one or a few of y’all.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than one.  One day someone was in there having the wettest, nastiest sounding BM.  Bish walked out of the bathroom without washing her hands.  OH!  How I wish I could have gotten out of my stall a half a second quicker.  Nasty bish!

*turn and point at another coworker*  Then there is this bish here who scratches her crotch constantly.  CCW2 you keep on eating the food she brings in.  CCW2 your azz stays sick.  Makes you wonder.  Oh and CCW2 you are another one that can’t cook for me the way you stay sick.

That’s just y’all women.

I can’t speak for what goes on in the men’s room but dude in the scarf your hygiene is questionable and you’ve been sick for at least six months.  All last summer you walked around the office with a wool scarf wrapped around your neck.  Our AC ain’t that chilly.  Believe that!  All through the fall and winter you’ve been sniffling.  I thought it was drugs but hey who knows?

Side note: Mr. Wool Scarf cooked this fish dish that everyone insisted I had to try.  So said I had to go to a “meeting”.  *pursed lipped eye roll*  I ain’t got time for tape worms.

CCW2 you got one more time to organize one more gatdamn potluck!  Stop asking these nasty azz people to cook!  Stop cooking and bringing me ish!  ALL THAT SHYT GOES IN THE TRASH WHEN Y’ALL AIN’T LOOKING!!!!!

Not to mention that we are in the middle of cold and flu season.  AGAIN, why the fugg are you trying to organize another potluck that I am not participating in?

Yeah.  That’s what I could have said.  But I didn’t.  I just kept it nice and polite.  She need a fugging hobby, dack or something to keep her mind occupied.  I don’t trust this bish not to be planning to knock off the whole office.

I don’t know what to expect from a bish that patronizes places her daughter wouldn’t be allowed into.  Oh.  CCW2’s daughter is half black.  She remarked about a place she hangs out at that doesn’t allow blacks in 2013.  Her daughter can’t go there unless she is accompanied by her.  *crickets*  Yeah.  But she loves fugging black men.  But she goes places where a black man wouldn’t be allowed.  When someone figures that shyt out put it in a research paper and maybe I’ll read it.  I don’t want shyt from this bish who says she’s a Christian.  Some of these “Christians” gonna have a whole lot of explaining to do.  I hope they got recliners and popcorn in Heaven because I’m gonna be sitting back watching the back peddlers enjoying the show and watching the Lord make them sweat.

I am praying and meditating.  I’m trying to decide if it is time to kick it into bish mode cuz they are trying my patience with this cooking ish!  I should have done what CCW1 did and ate lunch early and showed up at the end.

*stank face while I contemplate what I'm supposed to learn from this*

Putting my question out to the universe

So my new favorite thing is to look at houses on the internet. Interiors and such. Love seeing the different ideas, color schemes, designs, you name it, that people use. What I find really puzzling is that A LOT of the homes I look at have these huge windows in the bathroom. It perplexes me. I know you can put up window treatments, which most of these pics don't portray. I just wondered why would you want such huge windows in your bathroom considering what you do there?

The house I grew up in had one window in the bathroom. It was normal sized but we had a shade and paneled curtains over it.The shade was rarely ever raised. I don't know. Just found it weird and wondered why. Maybe someone will answer it in my travels.

Fernando!

*chuckling*

So I have finally found a replacement for my Raul. As a matter of fact it is the same model as Raul it is just a different color. I'm still going through my love for pink. *eye roll at myself* I don't understand it myself but suddenly everything pink is what I want. So it is bubble gum pink and I named him Fernando. *sniggles*

So I said that once I found my replacement for Raul that I would give the story of the search for said replacement. Oh. My. Word. Who would have thought that a vajayjay, especially mine, would or could be so dang picky. *smh looking down at my nether region*

*flips back through blogs* Good grief! Raul died almost three years to the day that I found Fernando! *cthu* Only me. *glances down at nether region again* Finicky heffa.

So, my search for Fernando began a few months later. I got ten working fingers. I didn't need to rush. lol So I decided to start with the toy shops on The Block, Bmore's red light district. There is one shop down there I don't go in. The guy who runs it is pure grouch whenever a woman comes in the store. His loss, not mine. I go where my hard earned dollars are appreciated. I'm not gonna put on my Norma Rae over a sex toy. Not. Gonna. Happen.

So I went to the shops that were lady friendly. None of them had anything remotely resembling Raul. I went to a few other shops that I frequent for wedding gifts and no dice. Then I took to the internet. *sighs* Everything was either huge, mini, *pauses searching for word* or oddly shaped. Nothing normal sized.

So I let it go for awhile. Then I decide to come back to it and figure, maybe it is time for a change. So back to The Block I go. I'm in pink mode by this time. Who knows. That might be when it began. Anyway, I see one that has a bend to it. *mischievous side eye left* Reminded me of someone I knew. *sniggle* However, unlike the someone I knew it has a remote control. *amused side eye left*  I'm gonna blame my error in buying this thing on memories and amusement.

Now, the thing is sealed inside plastic. So I didn't get to touch it before hand. This will soon show me that it is not a good thing to not touch before buying.

I get the thing home and wrestle it out of its packaging. *disgusted sighs* Dear retailers: That sealed thick azz plastic is only a deterrent for buyers. The thieves have the specialty scissors needed to get it out of the packaging. I do not! I scratched and cut my hands all up trying to get it loose! By the time I got it out of the plastic I wasn't exactly having happy horny feelings.

*breathes*

So I now hold my new toy in my hand and I'm trying to decide what to call it. Then I TRY to close my hand around it. W...T...H?  My hand barely closes around this thing! Goldie dries up further if possible. If I can't fit my fingers comfortably around it then it is not for Goldie. * unapologetic shrug*

So there are no refunds on sex toys, as you know. So I figure I'll at least give it a try. I have. Twice. Why does the off button on the remote not work? You can turn it on and speed it up but you can't turn the damn thing off!!!!!

Then of course it doesn't fit Goldie and then it is made from silicone. My nether region, I have found, doesn't like silicone. I can't even use this $35 toy as a tickler on my lady parts!  And that bend that I thought was such a cute reminder of someone else does not work as I thought it would. And I've tried. Twice!

*le sigh*

So, I take another break from the search. Then back to the store I go. This time, I grab an old standby in the toy world. I remember seeing them in wig catalogs that came to our house as a child. No. No one in my house wore a wig. *shrug* I was just recently reminded of these catalogs and this "massager" as it was called back then. It was $10 and I figured it was at least close to Raul. Again I did not touch it before bringing it home. It was in a box but the box wasn't sealed. I really should have looked in the box.

I get this thing home and open the box. Inside is a "massager" even bigger than the pink monster now sitting in the toy chest collecting dust. This thing takes two C sized batteries!!!!!!

What in all the rings of Hell????????????? Raul took two double A batteries.  WTH are you people putting in your orifices and why? *sighs* You're making it difficult for the rest of us to get ours without tearing ourselves a new hole!

Again, no refunds on the toy. I try it. I think maybe 5-6 times before it too joins the pink monster in the toy chest. It is just too big to even tickle me right. *sighs*

So back I go. At this point I am determined to find something that fits. So on this last trip it is close to Christmas. I'm in the store taking my time browsing and mean mugging the two toys I've tried and anything resembling them. There is a young black couple on the other side of the store.  They are talking low at first and then all of a sudden I hear:

"I already told you you're not putting anything in my butt! If you want the butt beads for you then I'll buy them for your Christmas present but you ain't putting nothing in my butt!"

Then she storms out of the store. Then he slinks out the store behind her. Then I bust out laughing. Grab a mini "massager" off the wall and call it a day. They made my whole day. *chuckling*

The mini is no Raul but it will do. And it does do until...*contented sigh*  One day I was on my fetish site and saw an ad for an adult toy site. I don't know why but something said click it and I did and I found him! Fernando!!!! Oh there were purple ones too! But I've got some pink accessories so I stuck with the pink motif. *chuckling*  I'll probably go back and buy a purple one...and the purple accessories. But for now I have FERNANDO!

He fits! He fits! Just the way he is supposed to! *lol* Fernando hits all the spots that Raul use to hit. *happy contented sighs and humming In The Pink by Jem and the Holograms* He costs twice as much as Raul did but it was worth every penny!

However, the site was having a give away with purchases over a certain amount. Mind your business. So, I figure what the hey and add the free "massager" to my cart. Then they get here. Fernando gets an antibacterial wash, just in case, and put to work. Judge me. I don't care. Goldie is happy and that is all that matters.

However...the freebie.  Ummm...I ain't judging. I know everyone is built differently in their private adult happy parts but ummm...I can't fit this thing in my mouth. *goggle eyed*  So this is one of those things that I just can't keep to myself and I decide to tell CCW2 as we are walking to our cars one evening. Hey! She told me about buying a 25 cent "massager" in the office. I figure telling her about the freebie on the parking lot is safe.

Why did this fool say to give it to her? I said, Umm, I tried to put it in my mouth. She shrugged like so what. I don't know why but something about that was just like, NO. If it had still been in the box I wouldn't have had a problem giving it to her. But my teeth had been on it. Seriously, I stretched my jaw till it hurt and still couldn't get it in but so far. I do not have a little mouth! Look...*sniggles* long story short I read something one day that made me wonder what was my oral limit. I can fit my tee ball bat in my mouth. The freebie? No. So that now also sits in the toy chest all pink and huge and unused. Not even as a tickler. I tried and Goldie said she didn't trust me not harm her with that thing. *chuckle* The odd thing is that it takes double A batteries like Fernando. But the sleeve on the outside is HUGE!

So that is the long, crazy, convoluted story of finding a "massager" for my vajajay Goldie. Finicky heffa.

*tips water glass at monitor and continues humming In The Pink*

Just the facts

Breezing by just to give the facts. *chuckle* I'm in a really good place right now so not too much to complain about.

The crazy white guy that *finger quotes* resigned has found a new job. So we've stopped worrying that he'll show up to the job to take out his frustrations on us. It is right up his alley too. I wish him well.

The job is busy with the new duties I have but hey it is a living. I'm making strides to move forward in my life in positive ways.  I'm shedding anything and anyone negative without a backwards glance. It feels awesome. I finally understand the phrase: I'm too blessed to be stressed. *bright smile*

I ain't got time for the drama. I finally realized how to let people walk their own path without getting sucked into it. It is day 36 of 2013 and my fuggs to give remain at zero. *shrug* And it feels really good.

I caught myself about to grumble a couple days ago. *smh smiling* I was looking at what I had left over after I had paid my monthly bills and was about to grumble when I remembered having zero left over after bills. I gave thanks to God for raising me up from there and kept it moving. My only wish at that point was a trip to my favorite steakhouse anyway.  You know a couple days later a friend showed up to treat me to lunch there? *smiling* My Lord God is truly an awesome God. Not only are my needs met but my wants too.

Like I said, I ain't got too much to complain about. What I would complain about I am finding constructive ways to work through it. Complaining very rarely does any good for me anyway. It is always best just to figure out the lesson or skill or whatever I'm supposed to get out of a situation so that I can move on. Life is about more than just surviving the rough patches but appreciating them for what they were meant for.

*chuckle* I sound all Zen like. I guess that is just how I am feeling now. Trust it isn't an all day every day feeling...YET! But every day it lasts longer and longer. I am so grateful and thankful right now that I feel like gushing.

There's a lot going on with the folk around me but...*shrug* that's their journey not mine. And I am finally okay with that.

Oh! The Ravens won the Superbowl. I could care less but it has made people in Baltimore a little more pleasant. People have been in good moods for the past couple days. Baltimore needed that spirit lift. I'm hoping it carries through for a while.

Otherwise my president is still black *chuckle*, life is good, my books are doing well. I can't live off the proceeds YET! But I know I soon shall be able to do so. Then I can really start pumping out stories. I've got so many ideas! Oh and I found a new happy place. *lol* Amazing what you find and how your life changes when you go looking for the light and happiness instead of dwelling on unhappiness and the dark. Yup! The Lord God is STILL good, STILL sits on His throne and all is right with the world.

Beware! Black men are on their periods this month.

So it is time for another internet hiatus. *chuckle*  Some ish has popped off online that all started on November 1.  I was over on OHN and some drama went down and now the owner is shutting down/selling his site.

*blink blink*

It all stemmed from a letter that was supposed to be from an anonymous reader to the Men’s Round Table.  Come to find out one of the men on the RT did it to put his girl on blast.  His girl is also part of the OHN community.  The RT dumped on her without knowing who they were dumping on.  Her friends came out to defend her.  Then she defended herself and then the bf outed himself and it all went downhill from there.

Then Beth took it upon herself to bring up our supposed to be secret ladies group and threw the bitches word out there.  A word I wear with pride when I need to but whatever.  Until I can ask for and receive what I ask for without being a bitch I don’t mind being called one. *shrug*  Fugs to give about that word equal zero.  However, the way she did it was uncalled for.  Then it came out that we STILL have a snitch among the women.  We think we've found her but we won’t know for sure unless more info of our goings on are leaked.  It has just been a mess for the past four days.  The snitch was feeding Beth word for word and Beth was calling Stan.  A BIG OLE MESS!

I posted in our supposed secret group that someone needs to let Stan know that he needs to check Beth if he is really trying to sell the site with its readership intact and then I dipped out.  Let the smoke clear and the dust settle.  Beth over on Twitter talking about she wants to punch someone. *smh*

I’m like wow!  And she keeps making references to our group as a cliche.  I’m like, yeah.  There are plenty of cliches on OHN.  You fall in with who you fit in with.  She wouldn't fit in with our group.  She use to be a nice person but I've noticed over the last year that she is turning mean and really bitter.  I’m attributing it to her son growing up and cutting those apron strings whether she wants them cut or not.

She’s in our cooking group and we were talking about what we were making for dinner one evening.  She made a comment that she hadn't been cooking much.  She said the last time she cooked her son didn't bother to come home.  I’m like, he’s 20 get use to that.  It maybe what is making her so mean this past year or it may be something totally unrelated that I know nothing about.  But truly it has been a mess.

I’m like, really people are this messed up because we got a secret group.  Everyone in the group ain’t even OHNawlers so again I didn’t see the big deal.  I’m part of two other secret groups and I don’t mention what goes on in those groups with the women and vice versa.

But now that I’m home with my feet up, I’ve had some time to put things into perspective.  Now I ain’t saying this is what is happening but it would make a lot more sense than what seems to be going on.  I was sitting here thinking what if the drama is being pumped up to up readership so that he can get a good price for his site?  If that is true, I ain’t even mad.  He has a young family and we are in a recession.  Black folks are always the hardest hit financially whenever the economy takes a downturn.  And we are the last to recover financially.  Though we spend more money. *smh*

So if that is what is up then my peacekeeping butt needs to have a seat.  If not then I need to lie down because this ish is completely uncalled for.  Because the drama over our little group has been ongoing for more than a minute.  This ain’t the first time Beth has said something about us.  Since she isn’t the topic most of the time her source(s) are lying azz lying to her. *smh*

It amazes me that adults can be so… petty about such a simple thing as a group of ladies who have things in common who have their own meeting place.  We ain’t the only OHNawlians with our own secret group.  Heck!  TDP got his own secret group.  He and I don’t get along so it phases me not that I am not invited to join.  That’s why I don’t understand why Beth has been so upset about the group.  When she talks about what happens between her and the OHNawlians she does get along with on gchat, text, etc nobody is mad.  That’s why I am so confused about this animosity toward our little group.

And I hope the chick(s) doing the flapping of the gums know what goes around truly does come back around.  We actually put our trust in each other to not spread around what goes on in there.  Not that we are doing anything that spectacular but we talk about personal stuff.  Fears, hopes, illnesses, family issues and the like.  We take turns buoying each other up.  And that is really awesome.  But the snitch(es) ought to be ashamed of themselves. 

Again, I’m a just chill and work on my book for NaNoWriMo.  I’m behind two days already.  I was just fine until Saturday and then I got lazy.  This is why I’m cutting this short so I can get back to work.

The drama don’t end there.  Me and TPL are on the outs but that is a post for another day.  Good thing I can play my zynga games on their website.

*tips water glass at monitor*

*blink blink*

I needed to mark this day in my personal little life history. Today CCW2 was not a pushover for CCW1.

We ordered in lunch today for the office. Busy time period right now. Any hoodles, CCW1 is broke as usual and walking around telling folk she is hungry and broke. But she has cable. Your priorities are screwed in my book when you are hungry but got cable. Naw!

So she borrowed money from me that I ain't seen in two years. So that means she can't get anymore out of me. Especially, not when her priorities are all screwed up.

Normally, CCW2 will help her out in these instances. CCW2 said NAW! And when CCW2 got her lunch, CCW1 was like "Oh I'm following you to get some of yours." CCW2 said "No you won't." Went into her office and shut the door.

*blink blink*

I was done. That is the first time I've seen that in four years. I mean CCW1 calls CCW2 at home to borrow money. And CCW2 always coughs it up. So today was a bit of shock for me. It needed to be remarked upon. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

CCW2 got some upsetting news from her child yesterday. She may just be upset about that now.  Still, that was ... WOW!

Just in case...

So this is about Crazy White Guy On My Job that I've blogged about before. Just click the link for a recap.

Well, my boss brought me into the office and told me he would be quitting and asked did I want to go ahead with the upgrade to financial analyst! YES! *dances around* I have been handling two accounts for a few months and just got a third. One account has closed and she is ready to assign me 3 more. So I'll have five and she's talking to HR about putting through my upgrade. This was a trial to see if a) I could handle it and b) did I want to handle it. CCW1 tried it and didn't like it. Me and her are two different people.  I don't have a college degree so there are a few extra steps to go through to be grandfathered into the position. *shrug*

So after our meeting she emails him that he needs to announce that he is quitting so that he can transition the two accounts that I will be taking over off to me. He was suppose to then put me in touch with the field personnel so they know who to contact now.  He ain't contacted not anyone in the field though he did send out an email to us here in Baltimore. He even says in his email that he is working to transition his work load off now. He ain't met with a soul or talked to anyone. *disappointed but not surprised sigh*

So my coworker who is at the same pay grade as me asks me has he talked to me yet. I said no. She was like, well that account is huge. It is a *tries to remain calm* multi-million dollar account. I told her: You know what? I know who the FA was who had the account before him and she is still here. I got her stuff and I'll just take my time and go month to month for the last 2 years that he's been monitoring it and clean it up. Because I know several of our subcontracts are over but he ain't closed a damn thing. *sighs*

So my coworker says: It is like he doesn't care. I responded: How many months have I been telling you he didn't care. Why did I say that? She went off about the problems this is gonna cause and blah blah blah. *shrug* It is what it is. I'm 44 years old and I've seen too much to ever be surprised by what people do when they refuse to accept responsibility for their part in their own failures. He probably thinks that if he doesn't leave me anything to track that I'll fail. In the God I serve there is no failure.

So he's been here over two years. There is no farewell party. And we don't think he has a job. Office rumor mill is that he got pissed after his latest mistake and quit in anger.

*wise old negro slave side eye*

Angry white men and job stress very often equals office shootings. So if I never post another thing or suddenly stop posting months or years later, just check Baltimore, MD news for office shooting and he probably got me. How many times have they reported in the news some angry white dude went back and shot up the job he ain't worked at in 2 or more years.

Death does not scare me. There are worse things in this life than just death. I know for certain I would be on his list. I stopped helping him last year sometime after he pissed me off. I have zero fuggs to give about it. My employer hired you because they felt you were smarter than me and could do a better job than me. Then do it! Otherwise get out of my way!

Like I posted last month, I've made some decisions about my life and need to make some moves. This ain't about anyone else but me and my livelihood. I don't lie or steal or throw people under the bus or even snitch. I do my job to the best of my ability and keep it moving. However, I ain't carry a single other soul who can stand on their own two feet. This is a place of business. We are not child laborers so do your job.

I have no sympathy for him because in the beginning I was showing him stuff, telling him the EMPLOYER PAID training classes he should take. And they are taken on company time so there is no reason an employee shouldn't have the training they need to do their job.

He had 90 days to decide this job wasn't for him. He could report to HR and say that this job ain't for him and HR would send him to interview for other jobs internally. I've seen it happen! So, he lolly-gagged but he's mad that I didn't bend over backwards to help him. Not when you make that much more than me puddin'. Nope. I do wish him the best and hope he lands on his feet so he doesn't come back and shoot up the place though.

CCW2 is wondering should we take off on his last day. *eye rolls* When it is your time to go then it is your time to go. Lord God willing, I'm a be right here on his last day.

*tips ginger ale bottle at monitor*