*Waves yogurt cup at monitor*
So I'm back with 5 more to add to my guide. I hope all the nice folks are still here with us or as many as could be saved.
6. Lock your doors and windows on both your home and vehicle. Sorry, you ain’t in Heaven yet and if you ain’t trying to go today I suggest you act like you know you are not in Heaven. Close and lock your doors and windows.
I don’t care where you live and how SAFE you THINK you are. If you live in a gated community then 9 times out of 10 you are gated in with your would be attacker. They are the handy man, gardener, property manager, real estate agent. They will be someone you either would trust or don’t notice going about their lives. They are watching you and you don’t even know it.
TRUE STORY: Happened just this past winter in Bmore. After one of our snowstorms a man knocks on a woman’s door asking to shovel her walk for an agreed upon price. He does the work, she pays him and he leaves. He also comes back later and rapes her.
The people you don’t think are thinking about you ARE thinking about you.
So lock it up for your own safety.
7. Get a weapon. Yeah, for serious or seriously. I would prefer you get something by Smith and Wesson or one of their competitors but if you are truly opposed to such things in your home may I suggest mace, pepper spray, and/or a taser? Keep something readily at hand everywhere you would be in your home no matter what you decide.
8. Get opaque window curtains…and close them when in any and all states of undress. I don’t care whether you have window blinds or window shades you still need opaque window curtains. I offer you this story as proof:
I believe I read this story in Westlaw while temping for a law firm. I was in my 20s then. A woman was raped by a man whose defense was that he was walking by her window one night and peeped in. After watching what she was doing HE DECIDED she could use his services and broke in and raped the woman. That was his defense. Seriously. You know he was found guilty and sent to jail. He was a total stranger to this woman but he thought she could use his services just from what she was doing. *smh* Now this woman has this horrible memory etched into her mind forever and by now he is probably out of jail messing up some other woman’s life.
Get thee to a window treatment department/store and get thee some opaque window curtains. Get some ties so that you can tie them back to let in the daylight if you must. But get them. I am debating about telling you my story…yeah I guess I might as well.
Like I said in Rule # 5, listen to your instincts. My instincts had been telling me that someone was watching me in the mornings as I dressed. But I just told myself I was getting silly in my old age cuz I had blinds. They were closed and I had parked behind my apartment one evening and looked up at my bedroom windows and saw nothing. I had even left my lights on so that I would be sure that you couldn’t see through my blinds.
Yeah…what I didn’t know was that if you stood in a certain spot you could see right into my well lit bedroom and watch me dress and undress. I can’t understand why anyone would do this but low and behold whoever he was he couldn’t keep it to himself. I was dressing one morning and I heard these guys talking behind my building and making comments about various parts of some chick’s anatomy.
Now what are the odds that there could be two women standing naked in their bedrooms? Well, take into account that on one side of me was a dude’s apartment both upstairs and downstairs. The apartment on the other side was empty and the chick that lived downstairs from me had already left for work. The apartment under the empty apartment had an elderly widower in it. Yup, they had to be talking about me especially after I bent over and I heard the azz comments.
I stood up with my towel and turned off the lights and ended the show, PERMANENTLY. *smh* Please tell me the point of all that? And yes, I had the chance to ogle an attractive male neighbor in his state of undress once. I glanced briefly and kept it moving. He had his blinds and curtains wide open so he really couldn’t expect but so much privacy. I on the other hand, had closed my blinds I just didn’t know that they had a weak spot. So, I lived and learned. You live and learn from these two experiences please and get opaque curtains for every window in your home. EVERY WINDOW!!!! I don’t care how small the window, a perverted mind will find a way to make it work for them. Don’t give them an in.
9. If held up, don’t argue with the criminal. Give him/her anything they ask for except your life. If they try to snatch your purse, let that thing go…I don’t care if it’s your favorite. You came into this world naked and you are going out the same way. You gonna look real stupid at the Pearly Gates trying to explain that to whoever is on duty. (I do not believe St. Peter is there all the time, he was one of Jesus’ favorites you know. He and Jesus might like to get together and chat from time to time. IJS)
*holding up hands* Yes, I know the principle of the thing. It is yours and they don’t have a right to it. But on the real, I’ve found that no matter what people take from you by force or trickery it almost always finds its way back to you in some way shape or form. And it profits the person doing the stealing nothing. So let it go already.
10. Pay attention to your surroundings. Again, stop bouncing around like Pollyanna, Gidget, Sandra Dee, and Snow White. It’s okay to look around as you are going about your day. Pay attention to what is going on around you. I know it is the norm today to plug in and zone out but for real…when you are a nice person you can’t afford to do that. Cuz while you are zoning out a person with bad intentions may be zoning into you. There are worse people out there than Hello Kitty Slut.
TRUE FAMILY STORY: I was to meet my oldest sister at her home. It was winter time and well after 7 pm so it was dark. I was driving at the time and arrived early so I sat in my car and waited. Though I have a key to her home, she has a security system and I can’t remember the code for jack. *embarrassed chuckle*
Anyhoodles, I saw her car pass me. I had purposely left the spot in front of her door open for her to park. I waited till she parked and gathered up her belongings to get out of her car. She was wearing a big bulky coat which prevented her from seeing anyone in her peripheral vision. That was why I was shocked when she got out her car without looking behind her, even after I SLAMMED my car door as I walked away from it. Now since she had parked not another car had come down the street. That fact alone would have made me turn toward the sound but my sister kept moving like she heard nothing. I walked up behind her and followed her up her steps. I stood and waited patiently behind her as she opened her door.
Now I thought she would surely turn and see me behind her as she tried to close her door but…she…SHE NEVER TURNED AROUND!!!! Instead she continued into the house leaving the door ajar to put down her purse and bags. Then she removed her coat AND THEN she turned to shut and lock the door.
WTH???? I was already in her house and she had no clue I was behind her. The look of shock on her face when she finally turned and saw me would have been funny if not for how serious the situation really was. What if I had been someone who wanted to harm her?
If a criminal had wanted her car, they could have had it. If they’d wanted to rape her, they could have done it. Or worse…*smh*
Is my sister a nice person? She has done wonderful things for children from all walks of life, socioeconomic backgrounds, and skin colors. She is one of those unsung heroes. And for donating so much of her life and time to the future, children, I think that makes her a great person. *side-eye* Our relationship, however, is another story. God ain’t through with either of us, yet. Regardless of our relationship I would never wish her any harm. That is the truth.
So this is what I got right now…I got a few more rolling around in my head and will update when I get a chance. My job is kicking my azz right now. *smh exasperated* But I gotta eat, shyt and sleep so to work I go. In the meantime, take heed and take care.
You can also find this guide on my friend Hello Kitty Slut's website: http://hellokittyslut.com/
*tips water bottle at monitor*
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
How to be a nice girl/woman and not get murdered
DISCLAIMER: This is purely for informational purposes. I cannot guarantee that after following my advice you still won’t end up being murdered. A psychopath could kill you on a whim just cuz they want to know what it is like to kill someone. *shrug* Hope to see you on the other side so we can discuss what went wrong.
I like to watch tv shows like 48 Hours, Dateline, and Primetime. In case you are oblivious to the existence of the aforementioned programs, these shows report on true life murders/crimes. Mostly murders but 48 Hours recently ran a series of shows where people survived.
Anyhoodles, what I notice about the majority of the victims on these shows is that they are always categorized as nice folk. Especially the women. A lot of them have person after person just talking about what a good, kind, nice person they were.
After awhile I started to see some of my characteristics in some of the victims. One I caught on Dateline was a girl who was an active environmentalist. Her one and only mistake that I could see was in trying to be nice to the wrong guy. He was the roommate of one of her good friends. He was shy, quiet and awkward. She went out of her way, by her friend’s report, to have him join in on their social gatherings. Trying to help him break out of his shell. She never slept with him or even shared a chaste kiss. But becuz she was nice to him he took it to mean that they were in a relationship and that she was his girlfriend. Then she actually started dating a guy. What sent him over the edge was when they either got engaged or were about to move in together. I forget now which one was the catalyst that set him off and made him murder her.
I’m that person who will go out of their way to make shy people feel comfortable and join in. Believe it or not I was a shy child. A concerned teacher and parent later and I had a few friends and I was a normal sociable child. One of my jailbird family members was shy as a boy. A concerned aunty (MOS) and he too became a normal sociable child. *pause* Hmm, maybe the lesson here is to let shy males alone? That requires some thought and…research.
Next victim of note is a bit more personal though I never met her. My friend TPL’s sister. His sister was the youngest and only girl her parents had. From all accounts she was a sweetheart. She was the one who remembered birthdays and anniversaries. She was close to and loved her family dearly and kept in daily contact even though she was out on her own with her live in boyfriend.
TPL’s mom spoke to her daughter for the last time the day before TPL’s birthday. The next day she failed to call TPL with birthday greetings and that is how they knew something was wrong. The motive for her murder is believed to be that she wanted to break up with her live in boyfriend. He maintains his innocence despite witness accounts to the contrary so they have never gotten the real story. You know the murderer is out walking free now? *smh* USA, we have got to do better.
I am the family/friend constantly in contact via phone, email, text, and of course tweet. You can’t get away from me. *chuckle* But it keeps me apprised of what is going on and who needs a bit of cheer or dinner or a couple dollars…I ain’t got the cash but I can listen to you whine about being broke. *shrug*
See the pattern yet?
Lastly, yet most recently, was the girl from Maryland killed by her boyfriend just days shy of their college graduation date becuz she wanted to break up with him. He had begun getting violent.
Again this young 22 year old woman was said to be nice, kind and she did not have a mean bone in her body.
I would like to think that is how people would describe me. I go out of my way to be nice to everyone I meet. I don’t always make it but I do try my best. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. I am only human and some people go out of their way to make you forget being nice.
These stories above and the many I have watched over the years lead me to believe that our society here in the US of A hates nice people. It has to otherwise a killer would get an instant death penalty to be carried out right after the verdict for murdering nice people. No appeals, just bye bytch bye. Tell it to God cuz we are done with you.
I think people believe that if you are nice that you have never had a hard day in your life. That’s just not true. You’ve never walked in my shoes so you don’t know about my troubles, trials and hardships.
As the saying goes, if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence than you can bet your azz that the water bill is higher, too.
The 22 year old whose boyfriend killed her suffered the loss of her father. Speaking as a person who lost a father at a young age, that shyt can be devastating. Didn’t know her story but I’m just saying.
TPL’s sister grew up in the same area I was born in. East Baltimore projects. To make it out of there and become a productive member of society is a HUGE accomplishment. And to still be a nice person on top of it is AWESOME!
I can’t speak to the hardships of the first girl becuz Dateline didn’t go into her life before said psycho entered it. But after her death her family and friends joined in and continued her environmental conservation work. That’s the kind of person she was. What she wanted to do was so inspiring that she inspired others to continue her work after death and she had lived less than 2 dozen years on this planet. The leader of the pack, her uncle, was a diehard resistant to recycling while she lived.
So it seems that since you people will not stop killing nice people nor put in place the proper punishment for those who do kill nice people someone is going to have to come up with a survival guide for nice people. I figure what the heck I’ll give it a try since I’ve lasted 42 years. Most of the nice girls/women on those programs died in their 20s-30s and didn’t make it this far. If I can get a couple of you all to last a little longer maybe you can continue your good works and make the world a nicer place longer. I’m just saying and trying.
The following are just my top 5. As I come up with more tips I will add to them.
Survival Tips for Nice People:
1. This first lesson is the hardest to know, accept and understand. It is just this, as beautiful and wonderful as this world can be it is just as cold, vile, ugly and mean. Nice is often seen as a weakness. A weakness that will be exploited, trampled upon and destroyed if it can be. Misery loves other miserable company. Don’t let them destroy your nice side just learn how to protect it. You don’t have to wall it away, just be smart about it.
Open yourself up to both the good and bad in people and respond (or don’t) appropriately is the best I can tell you.
2. Know who you are dealing with. Be it your momma, your daddy, sister, mister, doctor, lawyer, beggar man, thief, son, daughter, nephew, niece, school teacher, mechanic, or Indian chief. MOST ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER or whatever you call them! Know who you are dealing with!
Get to know the people in your life. A lot of nice people are knocked off by friends and family members. Make sure they know your ups and downs too so that they don’t get jealous of your ups.
Get to know their likes and dislikes. Do you know how to get under their skin and how not to? Most importantly, you need to know how to get them out of your life if they should turn toxic. That goes for everyone including mommy and daddy. Everyone who is fertile is not fit to have children. Watch an episode of The Nanny for further clarification.
Oh and don’t let me forget your offspring and your bestest friend in the whole wide world. I have seen more than one story of kids who killed their parents for the inheritance. You little monkey headed MFs! Your inheritance is that you had wonderful loving parents who didn’t molest or abuse your unworthy azzes! Be honest with yourself, parents, sometimes despite your best efforts, your kid is just born bad and ain’t shyt you can do but save the lives of your other loved ones and cut their azzes loose. 48 Hours did a story about a guy who killed momma, daddy, and his only brother all so he could have the inheritance for himself. He had them murdered right as they all returned home after a celebratory dinner in his honor. *smh*
Lastly, don’t let anyone you had to put out of your life back in your life unless they can demonstrate that they have TRULY changed their ways for the better. Even then keep them at arms’ length. That keeping your enemies close shyt is only for Greek Tragedies and pay special attention to the fact that they are tragedies for a reason.
3. Pay close attention to the men you let in your life. Regardless of your sexual orientation! If you are straight there is always some man that thinks he is the perfect man for you. He might be perfect for you and then again he could be the perfect hell for you that will lead you to an early grave.
If you are homosexual, there is always that man that thinks he could change your sexual orientation.
TRUE STORY: I once worked with a woman, let’s call her Marge, who was in a committed relationship with a woman. When her partner, let’s call her Sue, came out to her family Sue and her sister kind of stopped speaking. So Marge helps Sue reconcile with her sister. Well the sister is married to an absolute jerk. EVERY chance he gets he lets Sue know that she shouldn’t be gay cuz he has plenty of male friends he could hook her up with. WTH? Family functions and vacations this man wears her ear out trying to entice her back to the heterosexual side.
*wise eye*
My question is why is it so important that Sue un-gay herself? Does he have a specific friend in mind? Is the “friend” him? See if I was his wife, Sue’s sister, I would ask him quite indelicately why does he give a rat’s azz who her sister is sexing? But that’s just me. I am nice as peas until you say or do something that wakes up my Project Bytch side. And my husband constantly telling my sister she needs to stop being gay would be one of them. But those two nice women just sat in uncomfortable silence while he went on and on about it until one day Marge finally put him in his place. *eye roll* I’d a done that the first time he opened his mouth but again…that’s just me. Just cuz you are nice does not mean you have to be weak and meek.
4. You are gonna have to stop bouncing around like Pollyanna, Gidget, Sandra Dee, or Snow White. Yeah I know the first three went over the younguns' heads. Google them! Sorry, but they don’t make movies with nice girls/women in them anymore unless they are about to get murdered. *shrug* That’s why it is so amazing that people still turn out to be nice. Maybe it is the natural state of mankind. Of course there are exceptions but for the most part *nods head*…something to think about.
Anyway, stop bouncing around like the world is a wonderful place and there is no evil in it. There is evil in it and you are surrounded by it. Your happiness just draws that evil that much closer to you. Remember elementary school science class: opposites attract. Your niceness will attract all types of people who are far from nice.
Yes, you will also attract other nice people. We are not worried about the other nice people. It’s the psychopaths, sociopaths, etc. and the like people we are worried about. Just be aware, sweetie. That is all I am saying.
When you meet new people please please PLEASE refer back to Rule # 2 on this guide. You have a choice about who you let into your life. Choose wisely.
5. Listen to your instincts in any and all given situations. If YOU feel something isn’t right about a person, place and/or thing then something is not right about that person, place and/or thing. Whatever it is may not be readily visible or discernable but if your fight or flight response turns on, or your spidey sense tingles or your left ear twitches *chuckle* whatever your danger response is, if it kicks on then listen to it.
Take my new friend Hello Kitty Slut for instance. Now, though my stranger danger sense hasn’t kicked in…yet. *chuckle* I am still approaching her crazy azz cautiously. I would love to jump all in feet first as is my happy go lucky way. But my happy go lucky way has led me into some truly dangerous situations. I am not at all sure that I won’t end up at a bukake party with this heffa. I am not saying I am opposed to a bukake party; I just need to know who all these folk are! DJM Everyone has their kinks. As long as it is consensual and everyone is at the age of consent, do you. *shrug*
Those are my top 5 and that’s all I got for now. Hope this proves helpful to some of y’all nice folk who make the world a nice place.
*tips water bottle at the monitor and salutes with a pretzel*
I like to watch tv shows like 48 Hours, Dateline, and Primetime. In case you are oblivious to the existence of the aforementioned programs, these shows report on true life murders/crimes. Mostly murders but 48 Hours recently ran a series of shows where people survived.
Anyhoodles, what I notice about the majority of the victims on these shows is that they are always categorized as nice folk. Especially the women. A lot of them have person after person just talking about what a good, kind, nice person they were.
After awhile I started to see some of my characteristics in some of the victims. One I caught on Dateline was a girl who was an active environmentalist. Her one and only mistake that I could see was in trying to be nice to the wrong guy. He was the roommate of one of her good friends. He was shy, quiet and awkward. She went out of her way, by her friend’s report, to have him join in on their social gatherings. Trying to help him break out of his shell. She never slept with him or even shared a chaste kiss. But becuz she was nice to him he took it to mean that they were in a relationship and that she was his girlfriend. Then she actually started dating a guy. What sent him over the edge was when they either got engaged or were about to move in together. I forget now which one was the catalyst that set him off and made him murder her.
I’m that person who will go out of their way to make shy people feel comfortable and join in. Believe it or not I was a shy child. A concerned teacher and parent later and I had a few friends and I was a normal sociable child. One of my jailbird family members was shy as a boy. A concerned aunty (MOS) and he too became a normal sociable child. *pause* Hmm, maybe the lesson here is to let shy males alone? That requires some thought and…research.
Next victim of note is a bit more personal though I never met her. My friend TPL’s sister. His sister was the youngest and only girl her parents had. From all accounts she was a sweetheart. She was the one who remembered birthdays and anniversaries. She was close to and loved her family dearly and kept in daily contact even though she was out on her own with her live in boyfriend.
TPL’s mom spoke to her daughter for the last time the day before TPL’s birthday. The next day she failed to call TPL with birthday greetings and that is how they knew something was wrong. The motive for her murder is believed to be that she wanted to break up with her live in boyfriend. He maintains his innocence despite witness accounts to the contrary so they have never gotten the real story. You know the murderer is out walking free now? *smh* USA, we have got to do better.
I am the family/friend constantly in contact via phone, email, text, and of course tweet. You can’t get away from me. *chuckle* But it keeps me apprised of what is going on and who needs a bit of cheer or dinner or a couple dollars…I ain’t got the cash but I can listen to you whine about being broke. *shrug*
See the pattern yet?
Lastly, yet most recently, was the girl from Maryland killed by her boyfriend just days shy of their college graduation date becuz she wanted to break up with him. He had begun getting violent.
Again this young 22 year old woman was said to be nice, kind and she did not have a mean bone in her body.
I would like to think that is how people would describe me. I go out of my way to be nice to everyone I meet. I don’t always make it but I do try my best. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. I am only human and some people go out of their way to make you forget being nice.
These stories above and the many I have watched over the years lead me to believe that our society here in the US of A hates nice people. It has to otherwise a killer would get an instant death penalty to be carried out right after the verdict for murdering nice people. No appeals, just bye bytch bye. Tell it to God cuz we are done with you.
I think people believe that if you are nice that you have never had a hard day in your life. That’s just not true. You’ve never walked in my shoes so you don’t know about my troubles, trials and hardships.
As the saying goes, if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence than you can bet your azz that the water bill is higher, too.
The 22 year old whose boyfriend killed her suffered the loss of her father. Speaking as a person who lost a father at a young age, that shyt can be devastating. Didn’t know her story but I’m just saying.
TPL’s sister grew up in the same area I was born in. East Baltimore projects. To make it out of there and become a productive member of society is a HUGE accomplishment. And to still be a nice person on top of it is AWESOME!
I can’t speak to the hardships of the first girl becuz Dateline didn’t go into her life before said psycho entered it. But after her death her family and friends joined in and continued her environmental conservation work. That’s the kind of person she was. What she wanted to do was so inspiring that she inspired others to continue her work after death and she had lived less than 2 dozen years on this planet. The leader of the pack, her uncle, was a diehard resistant to recycling while she lived.
So it seems that since you people will not stop killing nice people nor put in place the proper punishment for those who do kill nice people someone is going to have to come up with a survival guide for nice people. I figure what the heck I’ll give it a try since I’ve lasted 42 years. Most of the nice girls/women on those programs died in their 20s-30s and didn’t make it this far. If I can get a couple of you all to last a little longer maybe you can continue your good works and make the world a nicer place longer. I’m just saying and trying.
The following are just my top 5. As I come up with more tips I will add to them.
Survival Tips for Nice People:
1. This first lesson is the hardest to know, accept and understand. It is just this, as beautiful and wonderful as this world can be it is just as cold, vile, ugly and mean. Nice is often seen as a weakness. A weakness that will be exploited, trampled upon and destroyed if it can be. Misery loves other miserable company. Don’t let them destroy your nice side just learn how to protect it. You don’t have to wall it away, just be smart about it.
Open yourself up to both the good and bad in people and respond (or don’t) appropriately is the best I can tell you.
2. Know who you are dealing with. Be it your momma, your daddy, sister, mister, doctor, lawyer, beggar man, thief, son, daughter, nephew, niece, school teacher, mechanic, or Indian chief. MOST ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER or whatever you call them! Know who you are dealing with!
Get to know the people in your life. A lot of nice people are knocked off by friends and family members. Make sure they know your ups and downs too so that they don’t get jealous of your ups.
Get to know their likes and dislikes. Do you know how to get under their skin and how not to? Most importantly, you need to know how to get them out of your life if they should turn toxic. That goes for everyone including mommy and daddy. Everyone who is fertile is not fit to have children. Watch an episode of The Nanny for further clarification.
Oh and don’t let me forget your offspring and your bestest friend in the whole wide world. I have seen more than one story of kids who killed their parents for the inheritance. You little monkey headed MFs! Your inheritance is that you had wonderful loving parents who didn’t molest or abuse your unworthy azzes! Be honest with yourself, parents, sometimes despite your best efforts, your kid is just born bad and ain’t shyt you can do but save the lives of your other loved ones and cut their azzes loose. 48 Hours did a story about a guy who killed momma, daddy, and his only brother all so he could have the inheritance for himself. He had them murdered right as they all returned home after a celebratory dinner in his honor. *smh*
Lastly, don’t let anyone you had to put out of your life back in your life unless they can demonstrate that they have TRULY changed their ways for the better. Even then keep them at arms’ length. That keeping your enemies close shyt is only for Greek Tragedies and pay special attention to the fact that they are tragedies for a reason.
3. Pay close attention to the men you let in your life. Regardless of your sexual orientation! If you are straight there is always some man that thinks he is the perfect man for you. He might be perfect for you and then again he could be the perfect hell for you that will lead you to an early grave.
If you are homosexual, there is always that man that thinks he could change your sexual orientation.
TRUE STORY: I once worked with a woman, let’s call her Marge, who was in a committed relationship with a woman. When her partner, let’s call her Sue, came out to her family Sue and her sister kind of stopped speaking. So Marge helps Sue reconcile with her sister. Well the sister is married to an absolute jerk. EVERY chance he gets he lets Sue know that she shouldn’t be gay cuz he has plenty of male friends he could hook her up with. WTH? Family functions and vacations this man wears her ear out trying to entice her back to the heterosexual side.
*wise eye*
My question is why is it so important that Sue un-gay herself? Does he have a specific friend in mind? Is the “friend” him? See if I was his wife, Sue’s sister, I would ask him quite indelicately why does he give a rat’s azz who her sister is sexing? But that’s just me. I am nice as peas until you say or do something that wakes up my Project Bytch side. And my husband constantly telling my sister she needs to stop being gay would be one of them. But those two nice women just sat in uncomfortable silence while he went on and on about it until one day Marge finally put him in his place. *eye roll* I’d a done that the first time he opened his mouth but again…that’s just me. Just cuz you are nice does not mean you have to be weak and meek.
4. You are gonna have to stop bouncing around like Pollyanna, Gidget, Sandra Dee, or Snow White. Yeah I know the first three went over the younguns' heads. Google them! Sorry, but they don’t make movies with nice girls/women in them anymore unless they are about to get murdered. *shrug* That’s why it is so amazing that people still turn out to be nice. Maybe it is the natural state of mankind. Of course there are exceptions but for the most part *nods head*…something to think about.
Anyway, stop bouncing around like the world is a wonderful place and there is no evil in it. There is evil in it and you are surrounded by it. Your happiness just draws that evil that much closer to you. Remember elementary school science class: opposites attract. Your niceness will attract all types of people who are far from nice.
Yes, you will also attract other nice people. We are not worried about the other nice people. It’s the psychopaths, sociopaths, etc. and the like people we are worried about. Just be aware, sweetie. That is all I am saying.
When you meet new people please please PLEASE refer back to Rule # 2 on this guide. You have a choice about who you let into your life. Choose wisely.
5. Listen to your instincts in any and all given situations. If YOU feel something isn’t right about a person, place and/or thing then something is not right about that person, place and/or thing. Whatever it is may not be readily visible or discernable but if your fight or flight response turns on, or your spidey sense tingles or your left ear twitches *chuckle* whatever your danger response is, if it kicks on then listen to it.
Take my new friend Hello Kitty Slut for instance. Now, though my stranger danger sense hasn’t kicked in…yet. *chuckle* I am still approaching her crazy azz cautiously. I would love to jump all in feet first as is my happy go lucky way. But my happy go lucky way has led me into some truly dangerous situations. I am not at all sure that I won’t end up at a bukake party with this heffa. I am not saying I am opposed to a bukake party; I just need to know who all these folk are! DJM Everyone has their kinks. As long as it is consensual and everyone is at the age of consent, do you. *shrug*
Those are my top 5 and that’s all I got for now. Hope this proves helpful to some of y’all nice folk who make the world a nice place.
*tips water bottle at the monitor and salutes with a pretzel*
My dinner with the Hello Kitty Slut I know
*Rude Boy by Rihanna plays*
So me and Hello Kitty Slut finally met in the flesh. *smirk* She is as much fun offline as she is online. We didn’t get together last Saturday becuz we hadn’t alerted FEMA she was in the area. *chuckle* A little joke betwixt us two. Truth, she was under the weather. Glad that didn’t keep her down for long.
So we rescheduled for yesterday, Friday. I had a great time. We went to one of my favorite restaurants, Ruth Chris and we didn’t get thrown out. It’s just possible I may still be welcomed back at that location again, too! Win win! *grinning*
I have been teased unmercifully since I ducked out of the last outing becuz of its location. So I would have shown up last night if they had to wheel me in on a gurney with an oxygen tank in tow. TDP kept telling HKS that I wasn’t gonna show. *LOL* And Missreall kept texting me yesterday to see what I was doing now. *LOL* It was hilarious to me and I answered every text and I made it there on time!
HKS stayed at one of the new hotels downtown, Marriot Waterfront, very nice. I hadn’t been in that one before. I think she got thrown out of the other ones (just kidding…I think). She met me in the lobby and we walked over to the restaurant for dinner.
Help me! *LOL truly* I took this heffa to a steak restaurant and she orders CHICKEN! I am going to get her for that one day, I just don’t know how, yet. *smirk* Though the chicken was delish and I recommend it if you are in a majority that wants steak but you are feeling chicken. *shrug* It happens sometimes.
We sat outside and people watched and misbehaved a bit. *chuckle* Just a bit.
*Now playing Circus by Brittany Spears*
All in all we had a great time, I think. We stopped by her hotel bar after dinner for a drink. *shrug* I wasn’t driving so no reason not to. She tried to get me drunk but I keep telling people I can drink vodka all night long and not even get a buzz.
*Now playing Your Love Is My Drug by Kesa*
I once drank a whole fifth of vodka by myself in an hour and I was stone cold sober. I was pissed too cuz the objective was to get drunk. I was in my twenties then and ain’t a thing changed. I don’t know why I seem to be immune to vodka but I am. *shrug*
Anyhoodles, we order our drinks, I had a sip of her drink, it was tasty, I must try it sometime. Then she does what I was expecting at dinner. *chuckle* She is something else. She thoroughly entertained the Caucasian guy sitting next to us. The way he was looking at her and not moving away from us like some people would I am betting he was hoping for an invite to the hotel room party. *chuckling and smh*
She is due back in town later this month. Oh help! Someone put FEMA on alert please. *smiling and smh*
*Now playing Sex On Fire by Kings Of Leon*
*tips highball glass at monitor*
So me and Hello Kitty Slut finally met in the flesh. *smirk* She is as much fun offline as she is online. We didn’t get together last Saturday becuz we hadn’t alerted FEMA she was in the area. *chuckle* A little joke betwixt us two. Truth, she was under the weather. Glad that didn’t keep her down for long.
So we rescheduled for yesterday, Friday. I had a great time. We went to one of my favorite restaurants, Ruth Chris and we didn’t get thrown out. It’s just possible I may still be welcomed back at that location again, too! Win win! *grinning*
I have been teased unmercifully since I ducked out of the last outing becuz of its location. So I would have shown up last night if they had to wheel me in on a gurney with an oxygen tank in tow. TDP kept telling HKS that I wasn’t gonna show. *LOL* And Missreall kept texting me yesterday to see what I was doing now. *LOL* It was hilarious to me and I answered every text and I made it there on time!
HKS stayed at one of the new hotels downtown, Marriot Waterfront, very nice. I hadn’t been in that one before. I think she got thrown out of the other ones (just kidding…I think). She met me in the lobby and we walked over to the restaurant for dinner.
Help me! *LOL truly* I took this heffa to a steak restaurant and she orders CHICKEN! I am going to get her for that one day, I just don’t know how, yet. *smirk* Though the chicken was delish and I recommend it if you are in a majority that wants steak but you are feeling chicken. *shrug* It happens sometimes.
We sat outside and people watched and misbehaved a bit. *chuckle* Just a bit.
*Now playing Circus by Brittany Spears*
All in all we had a great time, I think. We stopped by her hotel bar after dinner for a drink. *shrug* I wasn’t driving so no reason not to. She tried to get me drunk but I keep telling people I can drink vodka all night long and not even get a buzz.
*Now playing Your Love Is My Drug by Kesa*
I once drank a whole fifth of vodka by myself in an hour and I was stone cold sober. I was pissed too cuz the objective was to get drunk. I was in my twenties then and ain’t a thing changed. I don’t know why I seem to be immune to vodka but I am. *shrug*
Anyhoodles, we order our drinks, I had a sip of her drink, it was tasty, I must try it sometime. Then she does what I was expecting at dinner. *chuckle* She is something else. She thoroughly entertained the Caucasian guy sitting next to us. The way he was looking at her and not moving away from us like some people would I am betting he was hoping for an invite to the hotel room party. *chuckling and smh*
She is due back in town later this month. Oh help! Someone put FEMA on alert please. *smiling and smh*
*Now playing Sex On Fire by Kings Of Leon*
*tips highball glass at monitor*
Friday, April 30, 2010
A couple white people in residence does not change your block’s ghetto status.
*chuckle*
So, I was supposed to hook up with my new online friends Hello Kitty Slut and Tickle Da Pickle last Saturday at this spot that’s on North Avenue.
Hoe-kay!
North Avenue is the ghetto from one end to the other. There are no breaks in the ghetto lines. It is the ghetto all day long, 365 days/year, 366 in leap year. But I listened to them both tell me that the revitalization had reached that area of North Avenue. *shrug* It’s worth a look see.
Tickle Da Pickle was hosting a Hip Hop/Reggae show down at this restaurant on North Avenue. This place actually has a website! Menu was very tempting. Nice pictures on the site. Got me to thinking that maybe it really wasn’t on North Avenue at all. That was just its address.
Let me explain, see, in Baltimore they will have the front door on one street and the loading dock, which is attached to the building, will sit on another street. Instead of using the front door address the business will have its official address as that of the loading dock. I have actually worked in buildings like that and been to establishments like that. I have no idea the reason for it. It’s Bmore. It just is. *chuckle*
In that general vicinity are the Maryland Institute of Art, Maryland Institute of Culinary Arts, University of Baltimore, and quite a few really nice reputable boutiques and eateries. None on North Avenue though.
So I had never been to this place and was thinking that perhaps it was one of those oddities that I mentioned above. I don’t have a car right now cuz I sold it when the oil companies lost their fukking minds. So a cabbing I go.
I get out and I’m like…uh…uh…this is the ghetto! This place sits right on North Avenue. If they had told me it was across the street from the rent by the hour motel I wouldn’t even have said I was coming. *chuckle* Then I could have saved the hard feelings. *chuckle* I don’t even really understand the hard feelings really. I left Tickle Da Pickle a belated birthday gift, a bottle of Cabo Wabo.
I didn’t feel comfortable in the area no matter what the two of them said. However, now that I’ve been there and seen the food I wouldn’t mind going there for lunch one day…long before sunset. *chuckle* And I’m going to need to be sitting in the back away from the front window…drive bys you know. *giggle* No I ain’t shyt but I believe in going where I am comfortable.
This actually sparked a bit of a debate between me, Hello Kitty Slut, Missreall and Honey Girl Charly. Those three (who don’t live here) are going to tell me, Baltimore born and raised, that North Avenue isn’t the ghetto. *LMAO* HGC actually said it was a neutral zone *LMMFAO* No such a thing in the ghetto. *reduced giggles* But it was a nice try. TDP ain’t talking to me at all.
*sigh* Shrug. It is what it is.
My worry was that I wouldn’t be able to get a cab in that area after the show. Show started at 10pm which meant we wouldn’t be out of there until 1-2 am. I had very little hope that a cab would come down there at that time of night. If I had remembered that as an establishment that serves alcohol a cab has to come when the bar calls I MIGHT have been swayed to stay. But, bay…bee…all I could see was the ghetto and my azz getting shot up if them ninjas didn’t go home after the show was over and got to fighting after the show.
At one point I was in tears laughing cuz HKS & TDP kept reiterating that there were white people down there. Like WTH does that have to do with the price of a bullet?
So, I sent out a text to my Bmore folk to get their opinion on it. My text was this:
Is North Avenue ghetto? I got people telling me that becuz some white people moved into ONE BLOCK that it ain’t ghetto. I’ll let you decide.
The answer is yes. No surprise there but my favorite answer was from TPL:
“Hell yes very ghetto probably dirty white people” LMMFAO!!!!!!
When he says dirty white people I am assuming he meant trailer park white people. The type who strung up a black doll baby a few years ago and set it on fire. I don’t call people trash cuz people are not trash…no matter what they do. I will call you a filthy animal if you act the part though. I’ve also never heard TPL call a person trash so that is my take on his comment.
Truthfully, looking over the crowd it was a nice group of middle aged Caucasian middle to upper middle class folk. But I doubted they would be attending the Hip Hop/Reggae show LOL
So I told HKS that I would treat her to lunch this Saturday…and you guessed it she chose to go back to the same spot. LMAO!
One lunch ain’t gonna change my mind but I imagine she won’t be satisfied until I try it. *smh* So if you don’t hear from me after this blame that damn Hello Kitty Slut! I probably got shot up in a drive by in their so called “neutral zone”.
*tips Stewart’s cream soda bottle at monitor*
So, I was supposed to hook up with my new online friends Hello Kitty Slut and Tickle Da Pickle last Saturday at this spot that’s on North Avenue.
Hoe-kay!
North Avenue is the ghetto from one end to the other. There are no breaks in the ghetto lines. It is the ghetto all day long, 365 days/year, 366 in leap year. But I listened to them both tell me that the revitalization had reached that area of North Avenue. *shrug* It’s worth a look see.
Tickle Da Pickle was hosting a Hip Hop/Reggae show down at this restaurant on North Avenue. This place actually has a website! Menu was very tempting. Nice pictures on the site. Got me to thinking that maybe it really wasn’t on North Avenue at all. That was just its address.
Let me explain, see, in Baltimore they will have the front door on one street and the loading dock, which is attached to the building, will sit on another street. Instead of using the front door address the business will have its official address as that of the loading dock. I have actually worked in buildings like that and been to establishments like that. I have no idea the reason for it. It’s Bmore. It just is. *chuckle*
In that general vicinity are the Maryland Institute of Art, Maryland Institute of Culinary Arts, University of Baltimore, and quite a few really nice reputable boutiques and eateries. None on North Avenue though.
So I had never been to this place and was thinking that perhaps it was one of those oddities that I mentioned above. I don’t have a car right now cuz I sold it when the oil companies lost their fukking minds. So a cabbing I go.
I get out and I’m like…uh…uh…this is the ghetto! This place sits right on North Avenue. If they had told me it was across the street from the rent by the hour motel I wouldn’t even have said I was coming. *chuckle* Then I could have saved the hard feelings. *chuckle* I don’t even really understand the hard feelings really. I left Tickle Da Pickle a belated birthday gift, a bottle of Cabo Wabo.
I didn’t feel comfortable in the area no matter what the two of them said. However, now that I’ve been there and seen the food I wouldn’t mind going there for lunch one day…long before sunset. *chuckle* And I’m going to need to be sitting in the back away from the front window…drive bys you know. *giggle* No I ain’t shyt but I believe in going where I am comfortable.
This actually sparked a bit of a debate between me, Hello Kitty Slut, Missreall and Honey Girl Charly. Those three (who don’t live here) are going to tell me, Baltimore born and raised, that North Avenue isn’t the ghetto. *LMAO* HGC actually said it was a neutral zone *LMMFAO* No such a thing in the ghetto. *reduced giggles* But it was a nice try. TDP ain’t talking to me at all.
*sigh* Shrug. It is what it is.
My worry was that I wouldn’t be able to get a cab in that area after the show. Show started at 10pm which meant we wouldn’t be out of there until 1-2 am. I had very little hope that a cab would come down there at that time of night. If I had remembered that as an establishment that serves alcohol a cab has to come when the bar calls I MIGHT have been swayed to stay. But, bay…bee…all I could see was the ghetto and my azz getting shot up if them ninjas didn’t go home after the show was over and got to fighting after the show.
At one point I was in tears laughing cuz HKS & TDP kept reiterating that there were white people down there. Like WTH does that have to do with the price of a bullet?
So, I sent out a text to my Bmore folk to get their opinion on it. My text was this:
Is North Avenue ghetto? I got people telling me that becuz some white people moved into ONE BLOCK that it ain’t ghetto. I’ll let you decide.
The answer is yes. No surprise there but my favorite answer was from TPL:
“Hell yes very ghetto probably dirty white people” LMMFAO!!!!!!
When he says dirty white people I am assuming he meant trailer park white people. The type who strung up a black doll baby a few years ago and set it on fire. I don’t call people trash cuz people are not trash…no matter what they do. I will call you a filthy animal if you act the part though. I’ve also never heard TPL call a person trash so that is my take on his comment.
Truthfully, looking over the crowd it was a nice group of middle aged Caucasian middle to upper middle class folk. But I doubted they would be attending the Hip Hop/Reggae show LOL
So I told HKS that I would treat her to lunch this Saturday…and you guessed it she chose to go back to the same spot. LMAO!
One lunch ain’t gonna change my mind but I imagine she won’t be satisfied until I try it. *smh* So if you don’t hear from me after this blame that damn Hello Kitty Slut! I probably got shot up in a drive by in their so called “neutral zone”.
*tips Stewart’s cream soda bottle at monitor*
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
He’s Playing You
I often wonder about whether other women know when a man is playing them. If not, why don’t they know? And if they do why do they let a man continue to play them? Do they just decide it doesn’t matter as long as they got a man? Is having a man or woman (for the men & lesbians) really that important? If so, then why am I not bitten by this I Gotta Have A Boo Bug as so many others seem to be? If it’s not that serious then why all the drama and heartache just to have a man (or woman) in your life?
Now, I don’t pretend to know jack about this subject. I ain’t been alive but 5 hot minutes, as my grandma use to say. So though I don’t have the answers I still would like to know. Perhaps I’ll stumble upon them as I live. I can only hope. I ain’t trying to hold up God, Jesus or one of their crew but so long in the afterlife trying to tie up my loose ends. *chuckle* Then there is always that thought lurking in the back of my mind that if I ask too many questions God might just say, “Girl, sounds like you need to go back.” And poof! I’m being born to start all over. No thank you. One go round on this planet is enough for me. *smh smiling*
I mean in the past I have known when guys were playing me. Now even though I knew, I still let them play me. Why? Just to see how far they would take it. To see if the guy in question really is a selfish, egotistical, narcistic azz. Cuz I tell you that I’ve had a brother that I met the week before call me up on Valentine’s Day telling me he needed $500 or he’s about to be evicted. No happy Valentine’s Day or nothing. Just he needs money or he’s about to be homeless. I told him I was broke…*shrug* and I wasn’t lying either cuz I was. I was making $20,000/year at the time and had my own apartment. Please tell me where I had an extra $500 to loan him.
I didn’t hear from him and I was actually worried when he didn’t return my calls. Then one day a few days afterward he picks up the phone. I ask him what happened and you know that begro (begging negro) had the nerve to get smart with me. He said, “Well obviously I didn’t get evicted.” Long story short the begro had a girlfriend already. More than likely he needed the money to take his girl out and was flat broke so he decided to try and trick me out of my hard earned cash. *smh*
Then there was the begro trying to move in with me after knowing him for 2 weeks becuz….wait for it… *smmfh* he had just bought a vehicle that he could not afford along with rent. He chose the vehicle over 4 walls, a bed, shower, and kitchen, etc. So he was sleeping in his truck. Now this begro had 2 jobs. I knew him from the part time job. I knew where he worked cuz coincidentally we both worked at the same company for our full time job. Different departments though. He actually made more on his full time job than me. *smh with eyeroll* Now I know we all get into financial binds but I am pretty sure he knew he couldn’t afford that truck before he bought it. Then he chose the truck over a home to lay his head. Then he thought he should be able to move in with me? Chile ain’t no one’s sex that good…if it is then I don’t want to meet him.
Last example cuz I ain’t typing all night *chuckle*. My ex the jailbird. *tired sigh* I said I’ve dated them all. I’ve had enough bad boys in my life to be totally cured of them.
He only had to do one year. ONE YEAR. He let them inmates play him and I don’t know how much of his time he actually did. I just know that I was done when he had another year added onto his time to serve.
Then one day he calls me up to say that his lawyer can get him out of this mess so he can come home. He asks me if I can loan his aunt $100 to help with the lawyer fee. He’d give it right back out of one of his hidden stashes as soon as he got home. *side eye with raised perfectly arched brow*
Knew it was a lie. Just knew it. Nobody had to tell me ish. I didn’t have to call around to my girlfriends and ask them jack. I knew without a shadow of a doubt BUT I wanted to see how much of a jackazz he really was.
So, I calmly lied and said “Boo, I’m broke. All I got is my jewelry.” I was living at home at the time bringing home $1200/month and paying my mom $200/month, sometimes. I had no car and no credit cards and no kids. I had a savings account and a checking account. I was flush.
Not to mention, I love all things sparkly and shiny. I would hock shyt for me. I would hock shyt for my kid if I had one. I might even hock shyt for 1 out of my 3 sisters. The rest of y’all can pretty much sucka a dyck and be on your way cuz I ain’t hocking MY JEWELRY for not so much as a one of you. JM IRDC *shrug*
I sat on the collect call that I was paying for and waited for his answer. And he said something to this effect, “Boo, you know as soon as I get home I got you. No doubt, girl. Do that for me.”
I shook my head and said “Ok, boo.” Then we settled into our nightly phone sex session. *smh at us*
I went down to my bank and took the money out of my savings account. I gave the money to his aunt and waited. He called everyday like all was cool. He was coming home. He gave me a date and everything. The day he was to come home he’d call me as soon as he was free and I’d meet him and we’d spend the day together.
Chile please, I didn’t even bother to take the day off cuz I knew that shyt was lies. So I took my azz to work like I had good sense. He was supposed to page me when he got home if he couldn’t reach me on my phone. No pages. No messages when I get home.
Mmmm hmmm.
So like clockwork I get my normal collect phone call when they switch the phones on at the jail. Supposedly there was some type of mix up. Mmm hmmm. His lawyer was gonna be pissed. Mmm Hmmm. All hell was gonna break loose when his lawyer got through with these people. Mmm hmmm.
So he asks, “Boo, you want your money back?” Now what the hell does he think if I had actually been stupid enough to hock my jewelry? I mean…really, boo, you gotta ask? So I answer yes so that I can get my stuff out of hock. He says cool or something like that and says he’ll return it. Then he doesn’t call for awhile which is totally unlike him. That ninja called me 7 days/week except when he was in solitary and twice on Saturday and Sunday.
So I go see his aunt and ask her did he send my money back to her and she says no. Ok…that night I do get a phone call and he is pissed. *Mr. Spock side eye* How dare I go to his aunt blah blah blah blah. I had been looking for an out and he presented me with one all packaged. I blew that shyt up into a relationship ending argument. He called me a bytch, told me to return his shyt cuz we were done and slammed the phone down on me. *grinning* And that’s all I wanted in the first place. It cost me a $100 but I didn’t have anyone stalking me, no drive bys, only a couple bytches yelled through the recording for the collect call and then he moved on to whoever. My azz went to Florida on vacation and relaxed my nerves. I was temping at the time and decided to take the rest of the month off when I got back. *LMAO* Gotta fukking love it.
A few years later I had moved out and just happened to be at my mom’s house and guess whose azz calls me from jail? My sister answered the phone cuz you know I wouldn’t have taken that call. We had a kind of code, if when the call went through he didn’t hear my voice he would say my nephew’s name in the recording. He played like he was nephew for a minute then asked for me. As I walked to the phone I had a feeling it was him. He was a pitiful begro on that call. I just calmly brought up how he disrespected me and how hurt I was blah blah blah blah blah blah. Got his azz off that phone quick fast and in a real hurry. Cuz I had a feeling he was lying when he said he was downtown, a local collect call costing just $0.85 back then.
Now when the bill comes in next month it’s for $5 plus change becuz he had been calling from an out of town correctional facility. *smh* Do you know my sister accepted the call but she expected me to pay for it cuz I talked to him last or longest or something? I gave her azz $6 and told her to keep the change. Cuz it wasn’t worth fussing over.
Funny how one year turned into more and he was still locked up. I didn’t wish him any harm. I put him out of my mind and only think of him when I run across my box of mementos.
See I know that if I let them fuk up then the onus is on them when I walk away. It’s not my fault and they have no one to blame but themselves. I only let them take it so far before I flip the script and leave.
So if I know…what’s up with everyone else?
See, I recently caught my self-satisfied smile on the face of a woman who I feel like is getting played by “her” (I’ll let you be the judge of whether he is truly hers or not) man. She was smiling the same smile back at me cuz she gotta man and I don’t.
You know me…all or nothing. I’m still good with nothing. She don’t get it yet but she will if we spend enough time around each other. Then she’ll be perplexed and the questions will begin. Or the resentment. *shrug* I am so done apologizing for being me when I ain’t hurting a soul.
Anyhoodles, she is married. She believes in that exact same mess that Mo’Nique is talking about. She doesn’t believe in monogamy blah blah blah. Whatever helps you get through your life. I don’t live there and it ain’t my coochay that he’s running up in with different coochays and azzes all on his peen. So do you Mo and all the folk who follow behind you. AIDS is no way to die if you ain’t got to. I will repeat this until I am senile and can’t remember the ish no more.
Back to topic. So her man is free to cheat in their marriage. After a year of marriage he decides he wants to be single. She is walking around here in tears cuz a) all her sick time was used up to have her tubes untied so they can try to have a baby b) she don’t understand why he won’t stay married to her since he can cheat all he wants and has been.
So she has been on this up and down emotional rollercoaster ride with him. One minute he is ready for a divorce. Then the minute she says ok, make sure you can afford health insurance on your job, he changes his mind. Cuz once they are divorced she will have to drop him from her health insurance. Now they are fuk buddies. Yes, they are still married but he still has his place and they are just fukking. In her mind they are in love again.
She came into work the week she explained that to him grinning like an idiot. Then she told me the night before she had had the best sex of her life with him. Hmmm, you two have been together for two years and married for just over 1 year but you JUST HAD THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE????
Yeah.
Right.
All I can think is that health coverage must really be expensive on his job that he put his back into it that deep. Or he learned it from one of his other chicks. *shrug* Or man.
So for a couple weeks she was walking around with this satisfied little smile on her face I guess cuz she hung in there and he’s still there kinda sorta.
Whatever chile, I still think he is playing you.
Now this week she is walking around all upset. She finally went to see a therapist. I advised her to do that a couple months ago. I’m just happy she finally did it. Guess who is against it? Yup, her husband.
As he should be. If she has a moment of clarity she might just realize, he’s playing her.
Cuz I got to wonder…your spouse allows you to cheat within the marriage so why do you want to go your own way? Perhaps you are dabbling in homosexual activities? Perhaps? That’s just my opinion. I think he was all set to go until he realized that he was about to lose a meal ticket. Perhaps now that he’s out there he isn’t quite sure this is the life he wants to lead. Whatever. I can’t read minds but I know something has changed and he isn’t quite ready to let her go. But he’s still dating. He’s an honest hoe. *chuckle* That’s the stipulation of their marriage that he has to be open about who he’s dating. *confused head shake* What is the point in being married?
She is all on his face book page and going through his emails checking the chicks. He seems to be into white girls now according to her. I’m looking at her like why are you going through all this. She’s a wreck. She has a daughter at home that she’s ignoring cuz she wants to go home and go to bed 5 days a week at 7pm and doesn’t want to get out of bed on the weekends at all. *smh* And on his face book page he is happy go lucky. I guess so…he’s got all the benefits of being married to you without actually being your husband. He use to come by and give her half azzed unsatisfying fuks. Then she brings up starting to date herself and starts wearing makeup and dressing better. Then he comes by and fuks her correctly. *chuckle* That meant they were back in love to her. Then she realizes he’s dating white girls now then her mood plummets.
But he’s still coming back to fuk her correctly though cuz he don’t want her to get away. *smh* Girlfriend has gotten her credit together to buy a house. She has got her certificate and getting all her paperwork together to move forward.
I can only guess his motivations cuz I’ve never met the man but yeah, he’s playing her. He should be careful cuz my God does not like ugly. The things he is doing is causing suffering for a child. Her daughter is caught up in the midst of her mother’s emotional rollercoaster and he’s the reason for the mood swings.
All that aside, why doesn’t she know he’s playing her? Does she know? Does she really just not care as long as she can have him part time?
I got no answers. Just plenty of questions. I got friends in similar situations and I don’t understand them anymore than her situation. *sigh*
*scratching head in confusion*
Now, I don’t pretend to know jack about this subject. I ain’t been alive but 5 hot minutes, as my grandma use to say. So though I don’t have the answers I still would like to know. Perhaps I’ll stumble upon them as I live. I can only hope. I ain’t trying to hold up God, Jesus or one of their crew but so long in the afterlife trying to tie up my loose ends. *chuckle* Then there is always that thought lurking in the back of my mind that if I ask too many questions God might just say, “Girl, sounds like you need to go back.” And poof! I’m being born to start all over. No thank you. One go round on this planet is enough for me. *smh smiling*
I mean in the past I have known when guys were playing me. Now even though I knew, I still let them play me. Why? Just to see how far they would take it. To see if the guy in question really is a selfish, egotistical, narcistic azz. Cuz I tell you that I’ve had a brother that I met the week before call me up on Valentine’s Day telling me he needed $500 or he’s about to be evicted. No happy Valentine’s Day or nothing. Just he needs money or he’s about to be homeless. I told him I was broke…*shrug* and I wasn’t lying either cuz I was. I was making $20,000/year at the time and had my own apartment. Please tell me where I had an extra $500 to loan him.
I didn’t hear from him and I was actually worried when he didn’t return my calls. Then one day a few days afterward he picks up the phone. I ask him what happened and you know that begro (begging negro) had the nerve to get smart with me. He said, “Well obviously I didn’t get evicted.” Long story short the begro had a girlfriend already. More than likely he needed the money to take his girl out and was flat broke so he decided to try and trick me out of my hard earned cash. *smh*
Then there was the begro trying to move in with me after knowing him for 2 weeks becuz….wait for it… *smmfh* he had just bought a vehicle that he could not afford along with rent. He chose the vehicle over 4 walls, a bed, shower, and kitchen, etc. So he was sleeping in his truck. Now this begro had 2 jobs. I knew him from the part time job. I knew where he worked cuz coincidentally we both worked at the same company for our full time job. Different departments though. He actually made more on his full time job than me. *smh with eyeroll* Now I know we all get into financial binds but I am pretty sure he knew he couldn’t afford that truck before he bought it. Then he chose the truck over a home to lay his head. Then he thought he should be able to move in with me? Chile ain’t no one’s sex that good…if it is then I don’t want to meet him.
Last example cuz I ain’t typing all night *chuckle*. My ex the jailbird. *tired sigh* I said I’ve dated them all. I’ve had enough bad boys in my life to be totally cured of them.
He only had to do one year. ONE YEAR. He let them inmates play him and I don’t know how much of his time he actually did. I just know that I was done when he had another year added onto his time to serve.
Then one day he calls me up to say that his lawyer can get him out of this mess so he can come home. He asks me if I can loan his aunt $100 to help with the lawyer fee. He’d give it right back out of one of his hidden stashes as soon as he got home. *side eye with raised perfectly arched brow*
Knew it was a lie. Just knew it. Nobody had to tell me ish. I didn’t have to call around to my girlfriends and ask them jack. I knew without a shadow of a doubt BUT I wanted to see how much of a jackazz he really was.
So, I calmly lied and said “Boo, I’m broke. All I got is my jewelry.” I was living at home at the time bringing home $1200/month and paying my mom $200/month, sometimes. I had no car and no credit cards and no kids. I had a savings account and a checking account. I was flush.
Not to mention, I love all things sparkly and shiny. I would hock shyt for me. I would hock shyt for my kid if I had one. I might even hock shyt for 1 out of my 3 sisters. The rest of y’all can pretty much sucka a dyck and be on your way cuz I ain’t hocking MY JEWELRY for not so much as a one of you. JM IRDC *shrug*
I sat on the collect call that I was paying for and waited for his answer. And he said something to this effect, “Boo, you know as soon as I get home I got you. No doubt, girl. Do that for me.”
I shook my head and said “Ok, boo.” Then we settled into our nightly phone sex session. *smh at us*
I went down to my bank and took the money out of my savings account. I gave the money to his aunt and waited. He called everyday like all was cool. He was coming home. He gave me a date and everything. The day he was to come home he’d call me as soon as he was free and I’d meet him and we’d spend the day together.
Chile please, I didn’t even bother to take the day off cuz I knew that shyt was lies. So I took my azz to work like I had good sense. He was supposed to page me when he got home if he couldn’t reach me on my phone. No pages. No messages when I get home.
Mmmm hmmm.
So like clockwork I get my normal collect phone call when they switch the phones on at the jail. Supposedly there was some type of mix up. Mmm hmmm. His lawyer was gonna be pissed. Mmm Hmmm. All hell was gonna break loose when his lawyer got through with these people. Mmm hmmm.
So he asks, “Boo, you want your money back?” Now what the hell does he think if I had actually been stupid enough to hock my jewelry? I mean…really, boo, you gotta ask? So I answer yes so that I can get my stuff out of hock. He says cool or something like that and says he’ll return it. Then he doesn’t call for awhile which is totally unlike him. That ninja called me 7 days/week except when he was in solitary and twice on Saturday and Sunday.
So I go see his aunt and ask her did he send my money back to her and she says no. Ok…that night I do get a phone call and he is pissed. *Mr. Spock side eye* How dare I go to his aunt blah blah blah blah. I had been looking for an out and he presented me with one all packaged. I blew that shyt up into a relationship ending argument. He called me a bytch, told me to return his shyt cuz we were done and slammed the phone down on me. *grinning* And that’s all I wanted in the first place. It cost me a $100 but I didn’t have anyone stalking me, no drive bys, only a couple bytches yelled through the recording for the collect call and then he moved on to whoever. My azz went to Florida on vacation and relaxed my nerves. I was temping at the time and decided to take the rest of the month off when I got back. *LMAO* Gotta fukking love it.
A few years later I had moved out and just happened to be at my mom’s house and guess whose azz calls me from jail? My sister answered the phone cuz you know I wouldn’t have taken that call. We had a kind of code, if when the call went through he didn’t hear my voice he would say my nephew’s name in the recording. He played like he was nephew for a minute then asked for me. As I walked to the phone I had a feeling it was him. He was a pitiful begro on that call. I just calmly brought up how he disrespected me and how hurt I was blah blah blah blah blah blah. Got his azz off that phone quick fast and in a real hurry. Cuz I had a feeling he was lying when he said he was downtown, a local collect call costing just $0.85 back then.
Now when the bill comes in next month it’s for $5 plus change becuz he had been calling from an out of town correctional facility. *smh* Do you know my sister accepted the call but she expected me to pay for it cuz I talked to him last or longest or something? I gave her azz $6 and told her to keep the change. Cuz it wasn’t worth fussing over.
Funny how one year turned into more and he was still locked up. I didn’t wish him any harm. I put him out of my mind and only think of him when I run across my box of mementos.
See I know that if I let them fuk up then the onus is on them when I walk away. It’s not my fault and they have no one to blame but themselves. I only let them take it so far before I flip the script and leave.
So if I know…what’s up with everyone else?
See, I recently caught my self-satisfied smile on the face of a woman who I feel like is getting played by “her” (I’ll let you be the judge of whether he is truly hers or not) man. She was smiling the same smile back at me cuz she gotta man and I don’t.
You know me…all or nothing. I’m still good with nothing. She don’t get it yet but she will if we spend enough time around each other. Then she’ll be perplexed and the questions will begin. Or the resentment. *shrug* I am so done apologizing for being me when I ain’t hurting a soul.
Anyhoodles, she is married. She believes in that exact same mess that Mo’Nique is talking about. She doesn’t believe in monogamy blah blah blah. Whatever helps you get through your life. I don’t live there and it ain’t my coochay that he’s running up in with different coochays and azzes all on his peen. So do you Mo and all the folk who follow behind you. AIDS is no way to die if you ain’t got to. I will repeat this until I am senile and can’t remember the ish no more.
Back to topic. So her man is free to cheat in their marriage. After a year of marriage he decides he wants to be single. She is walking around here in tears cuz a) all her sick time was used up to have her tubes untied so they can try to have a baby b) she don’t understand why he won’t stay married to her since he can cheat all he wants and has been.
So she has been on this up and down emotional rollercoaster ride with him. One minute he is ready for a divorce. Then the minute she says ok, make sure you can afford health insurance on your job, he changes his mind. Cuz once they are divorced she will have to drop him from her health insurance. Now they are fuk buddies. Yes, they are still married but he still has his place and they are just fukking. In her mind they are in love again.
She came into work the week she explained that to him grinning like an idiot. Then she told me the night before she had had the best sex of her life with him. Hmmm, you two have been together for two years and married for just over 1 year but you JUST HAD THE BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE????
Yeah.
Right.
All I can think is that health coverage must really be expensive on his job that he put his back into it that deep. Or he learned it from one of his other chicks. *shrug* Or man.
So for a couple weeks she was walking around with this satisfied little smile on her face I guess cuz she hung in there and he’s still there kinda sorta.
Whatever chile, I still think he is playing you.
Now this week she is walking around all upset. She finally went to see a therapist. I advised her to do that a couple months ago. I’m just happy she finally did it. Guess who is against it? Yup, her husband.
As he should be. If she has a moment of clarity she might just realize, he’s playing her.
Cuz I got to wonder…your spouse allows you to cheat within the marriage so why do you want to go your own way? Perhaps you are dabbling in homosexual activities? Perhaps? That’s just my opinion. I think he was all set to go until he realized that he was about to lose a meal ticket. Perhaps now that he’s out there he isn’t quite sure this is the life he wants to lead. Whatever. I can’t read minds but I know something has changed and he isn’t quite ready to let her go. But he’s still dating. He’s an honest hoe. *chuckle* That’s the stipulation of their marriage that he has to be open about who he’s dating. *confused head shake* What is the point in being married?
She is all on his face book page and going through his emails checking the chicks. He seems to be into white girls now according to her. I’m looking at her like why are you going through all this. She’s a wreck. She has a daughter at home that she’s ignoring cuz she wants to go home and go to bed 5 days a week at 7pm and doesn’t want to get out of bed on the weekends at all. *smh* And on his face book page he is happy go lucky. I guess so…he’s got all the benefits of being married to you without actually being your husband. He use to come by and give her half azzed unsatisfying fuks. Then she brings up starting to date herself and starts wearing makeup and dressing better. Then he comes by and fuks her correctly. *chuckle* That meant they were back in love to her. Then she realizes he’s dating white girls now then her mood plummets.
But he’s still coming back to fuk her correctly though cuz he don’t want her to get away. *smh* Girlfriend has gotten her credit together to buy a house. She has got her certificate and getting all her paperwork together to move forward.
I can only guess his motivations cuz I’ve never met the man but yeah, he’s playing her. He should be careful cuz my God does not like ugly. The things he is doing is causing suffering for a child. Her daughter is caught up in the midst of her mother’s emotional rollercoaster and he’s the reason for the mood swings.
All that aside, why doesn’t she know he’s playing her? Does she know? Does she really just not care as long as she can have him part time?
I got no answers. Just plenty of questions. I got friends in similar situations and I don’t understand them anymore than her situation. *sigh*
*scratching head in confusion*
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Angry rant in 5...4...3...2...1...
I am not going to make a last ditch effort to have a kid.
Ok, I am going to vent this and be done with it. It seems every woman (and surprisingly a few men) thinks it is their job to encourage me to have a baby before it is too late cuz “42 isn’t too late.”
Every last one of y’all can kiss my azz. Period.
I know it is possible that you mean well. I can see that for a few of you. True, there is nothing like holding a newborn in your arms and that newborn scent *smile* and I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it must be to know that little bundle of warmth and love is all yours. It must be a beautiful feeling. It is one I shall never know. But don’t cry for me cuz…*shrug* I’m ok with it.
However, I believe most of you are miserable and want to share the misery with me. My happy, well rested azz just irks your soul! Not my fault your 12 year old still has night terrors and you are too fukking stupid to take them to a MD and/or a therapist to see if y’all can figure out what the problem is.
Hey I got problems, too. My problems just don’t include whether or not my child will be a teen parent. If I had a child now I’d be in my 50s by the time they reached adolescence and uh uh…that is not a good look. I would be 60 by the time they graduated high school and would need to wheel down the aisle in my Hoveraround at their college/trade school graduation. If they chose to go to grad school or medical school FML I may not live to see them graduate at all.
Fuk you all very much but no thank you!
Look, I watched my mother struggle to raise 4 children pretty much on her own. My father was a drive by daddy. He came by from time to time. I don’t remember him being at a single important function in my life. Well, there were a few exceptions like when I had the chicken pox he stayed with me while my mother went to work. I remember him taking me with him when he took my mother out one mother’s day or her birthday. One of those. And of course we got a couple pictures of him one father’s day. That’s about it. He died when I was 13 so that ended the memories.
Even then it didn’t really sink in that I did not want to be a single mother until my senior year in high school. My mother gave me a choice, I could go to senior prom or I could go on the class trip to France. She couldn’t afford to pay for both. I chose the senior prom of course cuz that’s where all my friends would be and I don’t regret that choice. But I made a solemn promise to my unborn kids that I’d find a husband and father for them or I wouldn’t have them. I promised them that they would not have to choose. They’d have the prom and the trip to France if they so chose.
I found more than a few sperm donors but no suitable husband for myself so…it just wasn’t meant to be.
And now, watching how some people raise their kids I am glad I didn’t have kids. A lot of these parents are fukking retarded raising up a retarded generation right after them.
What the fuk is wrong with you having a kid in school that has Aspberger’s syndrome but don’t want your kid treated differently so you don’t tell anyone? Kids with Aspberger’s syndrome can be violent and often there is something that will set them off. You fukking retarded azzhole! You know what your child’s trigger is, and the shyt is so simple you ought to already know what I’m getting ready to type, but becuz you don’t want your child treated different you keep all this information to yourself. You selfish bastids!
And of course someone sets your little retarded azz darling off and they assault children and teacher and your stupid azz sitting there like you did nothing wrong. People of the world, know that if my kid had come home with a knot on his or her head becuz they just happened to have the misfortune to be in the classroom when your retarded azz seed lost their mind and started throwing books, chairs, desks etc then you AND your retarded azz seed would have knots upon your head...one day when you least expect it. That’s after I filed charges against you. Then sued your azz until you are so broke you have to go on Welfare and get fukking Section 8 housing. Then one day years down the line when this shyt is all settled and forgotten in your mind me and my kid would whop you and your kid’s azz.
Fuktards! I hate them!
Your kid isn’t any better than anyone else’s just because it has a developmental problem. But our fukking retarded azz president george w. bush (yeah I did that on purpose) said that no child shall be left behind. We wasn’t leaving your fukking retarded azz child behind they were where they could be cared for and protected. Now everyone’s child has to suffer becuz some people don’t deserve the privilege of procreation becuz they fukking do not understand the responsibilities that go along with it.
Yes, the above happened in real life. Not to me or mine but to someone else’s child. People need to thank God everyday that I have no kids.
I have watched and am watching my friends and coworkers struggle to raise kids on their own. All but one keeps telling me it is worth it. Oh really? I think that’s what people tell themselves when they have no other choice.
I see babies’ daddies just totally disrespecting the same women they were all hugged up on until he got her pregnant. And this won’t be an immediate change mind you but gradual. By month 7-8 they are done and moving on. You are just an evil bytch and they don’t know what they ever saw in your azz. That’s your baby, bytch. Bye.
I can say a lot about TPL but I can’t call him a deadbeat dad. Even when his ex-wife (see the difference in baby momma) decided she didn’t want him to see his kids for 3 months cuz she had remarried and she wanted them to spend the summer bonding with their new stepdaddy. They still hate their stepfather but that’s another story. *chuckle*
But he got pissed with and actually cut off a buddy of his cuz the friend didn’t want to pay a measly $35/ week in child support. Now before you judge, TPL’s friend was being paid under the table so the courts didn’t even judge his support correctly and to top it off the guy owned rental properties. Yes, residual income. And he didn’t want to pay $35/week in child support. TPL cussed him out and told him to take a hike cuz the shyt wasn’t cool. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the mother, child support is for the child. He has repeated that many times. He is really adamant about it.
That’s one story in a hundred that I could tell about deadbeat dads.
Kids are expensive. I think that is self explanatory. I don’t need to explain further.
It’s illegal to discipline them in any way, shape or form. And all the fuktard parents out there who actually believe that you can raise EVERY child without spanking them y’all get on my nerves. Y’all children usually the ones that need an azz whipping.
No. You. Can’t. Raise. Every. Child. Without. Spanking.
Even Dr. Spock had to recant that shyt. His studies, as are most studies, are conducted on middle to upper middle class kids. Well fed, clothed and housed children. Kids who aren’t crack babies, have fetal alcohol syndrome, lead paint poisoning (yes in 2010), malnourished, etc.
This boolshyt study comes out and everyone wants to jump on board…in 20 years most of you people who follow behind this mess will be sleeping behind a door with a deadbolt lock becuz you are scared of your kids.
Just. Like. My. Sister. Sissy.
Think on that shyt while you are timing out your kid and they looking at you like fuk you and time out, bytch, I’m out this corner. And your fukking retarded azz is laughing cuz you think it is cute how they walk and talk like a grown azz street person at 2 years of age.
Sissy thought she could raise her kids differently. She stated time and again as her kids got in trouble time and again that she wasn’t raising her kids like our mother raised us. Let’s see all 4 of us are grown and for the most part standing on our own feet…except her of course. She has been defiant my whole life and it still profits her nothing.
Let’s see. She has 6 children. Three baby daddies. Son #1 has 13 children living, not married to a soul, just recently got a job, he’s 35, he thinks this shyt is cute. Son #2 is in jail and I ain’t seen him since I was 19 don’t think he’ll be out till I’m in my 50s. Yes, his crime was that deep AND made the fukking news. Son #3 is in jail and I ain’t seen him in about 5 or more years. But when he is out of jail he is a crackhead. His last crime made the news but it was under stupid criminals and I’m ashamed to say what he did. Fourth child, GFN. Beautiful girl found a good man to marry her. After 2.5 years of marriage she decided she’d rather run the streets then stay home and be a wife and mother. This bytch is 31 years old with 2 kids. Son #4 has been in community college for the last 6 years and no he’s not done yet according to him. Son #5 is now in trade school but the verdict isn’t in on him yet.
Yeah, she didn’t raise her kids like our mother raised us and look how fukking wonderful they turned out. No church, no discipline, and miscellaneous ninjas running through their lives. Yeah…y’all keep listening to these studies without knowing who the study subjects were and what controls they used.
The kids getting beat might have come out of a home life where violence is the norm anyway. Beat them or not (like my nephews) they still grew up violent. If you sitting up watching Face Off or whatever really violent crazy movie is out now with your 6 year old…you are gonna have problems. If your kids talk back to you and you laugh…you are gonna have problems. If your kids call you by your first name…you got problems.
Oh…and sometimes these scientists lie. Found that out by working with a these fukkers. I was sitting there one day while some scientists that I use to work for were discussing an experiment that had been published in a very well known journal. Most people would know this journal if I mentioned it here but I won’t. Anyway, they were all discussing how neither they nor any of the scientists they knew in their field could duplicate the results of this published study. I ain’t just talking in that particular lab or company or even the USA. They had been in touch with scientists in other countries also working in this field and no one could duplicate the results. And the scientist in question wasn’t entertaining questions from his colleagues.
Yeah…y’all keep believing these scientists hook, line, and sinker. They are just as human as the rest of us. Therefore, just as prone to lying.
Then I would be trying to raise mine the right way with your little igglets. No. Fukking. Thank. You. Having to fight every day for their minds, bodies and souls. Cuz they wanna follow behind your kids and have cell phones at 6, wearing Gucci & Prada at 7, cussing me out at 8, having sex at 12, having babies at 13 that I’d be responsible for, telling me when they coming and going at 14, having another baby at 15, dropping out of school at 16, fighting me 16-18. Refusing to leave at 18 when it is legal to put their azzes out cuz where they and the 3 babies gonna go. Then in and out of your life and wrecking your home, credit, and bank accounts. Fuk that. Fuk you. Fuk a study.
And don’t even get me started on pedophiles. Trust and know that as the aunty and godmother of several children I believe it is my duty to put their azzes down like the rabid animals they are. We have a case in Bmore now where a man has raped a 21 month old child. Yeah, if that was my blood he’d be a chalk outline. No doubt and I would be sitting there waiting on the cops. I ain’t hide shyt. If someone had done that to the person that molested them we wouldn’t have all the molesters we have now.
Do you get it? I don’t want a baby at this point and time in my life.
And fuk no, I don’t want to adopt a kid either. Got a coworker who keeps trying to get me to do that as she has done…difference here is she has a…*gasp*…husband! And his azz actually helps in all aspects of child rearing (according to her).
I don’t want to foster a kid either.
I like the fact that when I put something down it stays where I left it. If it is not there then guess what? My old azz just forgot where I put and it will turn up. And it does…and it is not sticky or dirty or broken or lodged anywhere that requires a trip to the ER!
There are a lot of pluses to having kids but in this day and age it is just too fukking hard. There are too many fukking retards with degrees trying to tell me how to raise my kid and most of them are wrong. People don’t blindly trust anyone who can’t work a fukking fax machine with anything as important as the rearing of your child. Most of the MDs, PhDs, BSs, MASs, etc that I have known couldn’t work the freaking fax machine and it had been sitting there longer than me. *smh*
And finally, I’m not Halle Berry, or J Lo or Brad & Angelina. I don’t have access to the wealth that these people do. I don’t have the ends to make sure my kid goes to private schools, violin lessons, ballet classes, martial arts classes, etc. There is no Palates, spa days, million dollar vacations etc for me to get away, lipo suction, boob lifts, etc. I don’t have mansions or servants or au pares. I believe you need all of these things and more to have a baby after 40.
I saw a woman at the grocery store Saturday that pretty much looked like what I would look like with a kid at this point in my life. She has my sincere sympathies:
This woman looked like she was coming up on 50 if not past it. She was dressed in a shapeless washed out denim skirt, the kind I wear to take out the trash after I’m done cleaning. She had on an equally shapeless red sweat shirt. She was a large woman. Her hair looked dry and was all over her head, basically what mine looks like after great sex or I’ve been out drinking. I would never go out in public thusly. Though I have the same outfit my hair is always secured in a bun while cleaning to keep it out of my eyes. So, I look better taking out the trash than this poor woman looked at the supermarket. *smh*
She had with her a boy of about 4 or 5 years of age. I ran into her as I was turning down the aisle she was in. She was at the helm of her shopping cart in the middle of the passage. You could not get past her. Her child, for he could be no other, was standing in front of her cart blocking everyone’s way on a Saturday afternoon talking the nonsense that children talk. It had no bearing on what was going on that day or why he was holding up her and about 4 other shoppers, myself among them. She finally looked over the gathering crowd and then down at her boy and asked “Ok. But what direction do you want to go in?” To which he responded pointing to the left “This way!”
We all moved back and let them pass. I shook my head realizing as they passed that in 4 or 5 years that could be me if I listened to these people who keep telling me that 42 isn’t too late for me to have a baby.
Fukking liars! It is too late! But I know that these liars are not going to let it go. I suspect some of them realize they are getting on my nerves that is why they keep bringing it up. Or maybe they are trying to make sure I don’t miss out on one of life’s most amazing events, the creating of a life, watching it grow and mature and become someone wonderful.
But they might not turn out to be wonderful. Hitler, Manson, Jim Jones, Son of Sam, The Hillside Stranglers, BTK, Columbine Killers, etc were all someone’s little warm bundle of joy once and look how they turned out.
*shrug* Oh well.
It doesn’t really matter becuz I now have the perfect response to all those fukking liars out there who keep telling me that it is not too late for me to have a baby. A quick bland smile. Then a blank stare. *smirk* It works every time. You can’t argue with silence. You can try but eventually they give up when they see they aren’t making you mad and they aren’t changing your mind.
*inhale, exhale* There. I’ve vented and I’m done. My quiet has returned.
Ok, I am going to vent this and be done with it. It seems every woman (and surprisingly a few men) thinks it is their job to encourage me to have a baby before it is too late cuz “42 isn’t too late.”
Every last one of y’all can kiss my azz. Period.
I know it is possible that you mean well. I can see that for a few of you. True, there is nothing like holding a newborn in your arms and that newborn scent *smile* and I can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful it must be to know that little bundle of warmth and love is all yours. It must be a beautiful feeling. It is one I shall never know. But don’t cry for me cuz…*shrug* I’m ok with it.
However, I believe most of you are miserable and want to share the misery with me. My happy, well rested azz just irks your soul! Not my fault your 12 year old still has night terrors and you are too fukking stupid to take them to a MD and/or a therapist to see if y’all can figure out what the problem is.
Hey I got problems, too. My problems just don’t include whether or not my child will be a teen parent. If I had a child now I’d be in my 50s by the time they reached adolescence and uh uh…that is not a good look. I would be 60 by the time they graduated high school and would need to wheel down the aisle in my Hoveraround at their college/trade school graduation. If they chose to go to grad school or medical school FML I may not live to see them graduate at all.
Fuk you all very much but no thank you!
Look, I watched my mother struggle to raise 4 children pretty much on her own. My father was a drive by daddy. He came by from time to time. I don’t remember him being at a single important function in my life. Well, there were a few exceptions like when I had the chicken pox he stayed with me while my mother went to work. I remember him taking me with him when he took my mother out one mother’s day or her birthday. One of those. And of course we got a couple pictures of him one father’s day. That’s about it. He died when I was 13 so that ended the memories.
Even then it didn’t really sink in that I did not want to be a single mother until my senior year in high school. My mother gave me a choice, I could go to senior prom or I could go on the class trip to France. She couldn’t afford to pay for both. I chose the senior prom of course cuz that’s where all my friends would be and I don’t regret that choice. But I made a solemn promise to my unborn kids that I’d find a husband and father for them or I wouldn’t have them. I promised them that they would not have to choose. They’d have the prom and the trip to France if they so chose.
I found more than a few sperm donors but no suitable husband for myself so…it just wasn’t meant to be.
And now, watching how some people raise their kids I am glad I didn’t have kids. A lot of these parents are fukking retarded raising up a retarded generation right after them.
What the fuk is wrong with you having a kid in school that has Aspberger’s syndrome but don’t want your kid treated differently so you don’t tell anyone? Kids with Aspberger’s syndrome can be violent and often there is something that will set them off. You fukking retarded azzhole! You know what your child’s trigger is, and the shyt is so simple you ought to already know what I’m getting ready to type, but becuz you don’t want your child treated different you keep all this information to yourself. You selfish bastids!
And of course someone sets your little retarded azz darling off and they assault children and teacher and your stupid azz sitting there like you did nothing wrong. People of the world, know that if my kid had come home with a knot on his or her head becuz they just happened to have the misfortune to be in the classroom when your retarded azz seed lost their mind and started throwing books, chairs, desks etc then you AND your retarded azz seed would have knots upon your head...one day when you least expect it. That’s after I filed charges against you. Then sued your azz until you are so broke you have to go on Welfare and get fukking Section 8 housing. Then one day years down the line when this shyt is all settled and forgotten in your mind me and my kid would whop you and your kid’s azz.
Fuktards! I hate them!
Your kid isn’t any better than anyone else’s just because it has a developmental problem. But our fukking retarded azz president george w. bush (yeah I did that on purpose) said that no child shall be left behind. We wasn’t leaving your fukking retarded azz child behind they were where they could be cared for and protected. Now everyone’s child has to suffer becuz some people don’t deserve the privilege of procreation becuz they fukking do not understand the responsibilities that go along with it.
Yes, the above happened in real life. Not to me or mine but to someone else’s child. People need to thank God everyday that I have no kids.
I have watched and am watching my friends and coworkers struggle to raise kids on their own. All but one keeps telling me it is worth it. Oh really? I think that’s what people tell themselves when they have no other choice.
I see babies’ daddies just totally disrespecting the same women they were all hugged up on until he got her pregnant. And this won’t be an immediate change mind you but gradual. By month 7-8 they are done and moving on. You are just an evil bytch and they don’t know what they ever saw in your azz. That’s your baby, bytch. Bye.
I can say a lot about TPL but I can’t call him a deadbeat dad. Even when his ex-wife (see the difference in baby momma) decided she didn’t want him to see his kids for 3 months cuz she had remarried and she wanted them to spend the summer bonding with their new stepdaddy. They still hate their stepfather but that’s another story. *chuckle*
But he got pissed with and actually cut off a buddy of his cuz the friend didn’t want to pay a measly $35/ week in child support. Now before you judge, TPL’s friend was being paid under the table so the courts didn’t even judge his support correctly and to top it off the guy owned rental properties. Yes, residual income. And he didn’t want to pay $35/week in child support. TPL cussed him out and told him to take a hike cuz the shyt wasn’t cool. It doesn’t matter how you feel about the mother, child support is for the child. He has repeated that many times. He is really adamant about it.
That’s one story in a hundred that I could tell about deadbeat dads.
Kids are expensive. I think that is self explanatory. I don’t need to explain further.
It’s illegal to discipline them in any way, shape or form. And all the fuktard parents out there who actually believe that you can raise EVERY child without spanking them y’all get on my nerves. Y’all children usually the ones that need an azz whipping.
No. You. Can’t. Raise. Every. Child. Without. Spanking.
Even Dr. Spock had to recant that shyt. His studies, as are most studies, are conducted on middle to upper middle class kids. Well fed, clothed and housed children. Kids who aren’t crack babies, have fetal alcohol syndrome, lead paint poisoning (yes in 2010), malnourished, etc.
This boolshyt study comes out and everyone wants to jump on board…in 20 years most of you people who follow behind this mess will be sleeping behind a door with a deadbolt lock becuz you are scared of your kids.
Just. Like. My. Sister. Sissy.
Think on that shyt while you are timing out your kid and they looking at you like fuk you and time out, bytch, I’m out this corner. And your fukking retarded azz is laughing cuz you think it is cute how they walk and talk like a grown azz street person at 2 years of age.
Sissy thought she could raise her kids differently. She stated time and again as her kids got in trouble time and again that she wasn’t raising her kids like our mother raised us. Let’s see all 4 of us are grown and for the most part standing on our own feet…except her of course. She has been defiant my whole life and it still profits her nothing.
Let’s see. She has 6 children. Three baby daddies. Son #1 has 13 children living, not married to a soul, just recently got a job, he’s 35, he thinks this shyt is cute. Son #2 is in jail and I ain’t seen him since I was 19 don’t think he’ll be out till I’m in my 50s. Yes, his crime was that deep AND made the fukking news. Son #3 is in jail and I ain’t seen him in about 5 or more years. But when he is out of jail he is a crackhead. His last crime made the news but it was under stupid criminals and I’m ashamed to say what he did. Fourth child, GFN. Beautiful girl found a good man to marry her. After 2.5 years of marriage she decided she’d rather run the streets then stay home and be a wife and mother. This bytch is 31 years old with 2 kids. Son #4 has been in community college for the last 6 years and no he’s not done yet according to him. Son #5 is now in trade school but the verdict isn’t in on him yet.
Yeah, she didn’t raise her kids like our mother raised us and look how fukking wonderful they turned out. No church, no discipline, and miscellaneous ninjas running through their lives. Yeah…y’all keep listening to these studies without knowing who the study subjects were and what controls they used.
The kids getting beat might have come out of a home life where violence is the norm anyway. Beat them or not (like my nephews) they still grew up violent. If you sitting up watching Face Off or whatever really violent crazy movie is out now with your 6 year old…you are gonna have problems. If your kids talk back to you and you laugh…you are gonna have problems. If your kids call you by your first name…you got problems.
Oh…and sometimes these scientists lie. Found that out by working with a these fukkers. I was sitting there one day while some scientists that I use to work for were discussing an experiment that had been published in a very well known journal. Most people would know this journal if I mentioned it here but I won’t. Anyway, they were all discussing how neither they nor any of the scientists they knew in their field could duplicate the results of this published study. I ain’t just talking in that particular lab or company or even the USA. They had been in touch with scientists in other countries also working in this field and no one could duplicate the results. And the scientist in question wasn’t entertaining questions from his colleagues.
Yeah…y’all keep believing these scientists hook, line, and sinker. They are just as human as the rest of us. Therefore, just as prone to lying.
Then I would be trying to raise mine the right way with your little igglets. No. Fukking. Thank. You. Having to fight every day for their minds, bodies and souls. Cuz they wanna follow behind your kids and have cell phones at 6, wearing Gucci & Prada at 7, cussing me out at 8, having sex at 12, having babies at 13 that I’d be responsible for, telling me when they coming and going at 14, having another baby at 15, dropping out of school at 16, fighting me 16-18. Refusing to leave at 18 when it is legal to put their azzes out cuz where they and the 3 babies gonna go. Then in and out of your life and wrecking your home, credit, and bank accounts. Fuk that. Fuk you. Fuk a study.
And don’t even get me started on pedophiles. Trust and know that as the aunty and godmother of several children I believe it is my duty to put their azzes down like the rabid animals they are. We have a case in Bmore now where a man has raped a 21 month old child. Yeah, if that was my blood he’d be a chalk outline. No doubt and I would be sitting there waiting on the cops. I ain’t hide shyt. If someone had done that to the person that molested them we wouldn’t have all the molesters we have now.
Do you get it? I don’t want a baby at this point and time in my life.
And fuk no, I don’t want to adopt a kid either. Got a coworker who keeps trying to get me to do that as she has done…difference here is she has a…*gasp*…husband! And his azz actually helps in all aspects of child rearing (according to her).
I don’t want to foster a kid either.
I like the fact that when I put something down it stays where I left it. If it is not there then guess what? My old azz just forgot where I put and it will turn up. And it does…and it is not sticky or dirty or broken or lodged anywhere that requires a trip to the ER!
There are a lot of pluses to having kids but in this day and age it is just too fukking hard. There are too many fukking retards with degrees trying to tell me how to raise my kid and most of them are wrong. People don’t blindly trust anyone who can’t work a fukking fax machine with anything as important as the rearing of your child. Most of the MDs, PhDs, BSs, MASs, etc that I have known couldn’t work the freaking fax machine and it had been sitting there longer than me. *smh*
And finally, I’m not Halle Berry, or J Lo or Brad & Angelina. I don’t have access to the wealth that these people do. I don’t have the ends to make sure my kid goes to private schools, violin lessons, ballet classes, martial arts classes, etc. There is no Palates, spa days, million dollar vacations etc for me to get away, lipo suction, boob lifts, etc. I don’t have mansions or servants or au pares. I believe you need all of these things and more to have a baby after 40.
I saw a woman at the grocery store Saturday that pretty much looked like what I would look like with a kid at this point in my life. She has my sincere sympathies:
This woman looked like she was coming up on 50 if not past it. She was dressed in a shapeless washed out denim skirt, the kind I wear to take out the trash after I’m done cleaning. She had on an equally shapeless red sweat shirt. She was a large woman. Her hair looked dry and was all over her head, basically what mine looks like after great sex or I’ve been out drinking. I would never go out in public thusly. Though I have the same outfit my hair is always secured in a bun while cleaning to keep it out of my eyes. So, I look better taking out the trash than this poor woman looked at the supermarket. *smh*
She had with her a boy of about 4 or 5 years of age. I ran into her as I was turning down the aisle she was in. She was at the helm of her shopping cart in the middle of the passage. You could not get past her. Her child, for he could be no other, was standing in front of her cart blocking everyone’s way on a Saturday afternoon talking the nonsense that children talk. It had no bearing on what was going on that day or why he was holding up her and about 4 other shoppers, myself among them. She finally looked over the gathering crowd and then down at her boy and asked “Ok. But what direction do you want to go in?” To which he responded pointing to the left “This way!”
We all moved back and let them pass. I shook my head realizing as they passed that in 4 or 5 years that could be me if I listened to these people who keep telling me that 42 isn’t too late for me to have a baby.
Fukking liars! It is too late! But I know that these liars are not going to let it go. I suspect some of them realize they are getting on my nerves that is why they keep bringing it up. Or maybe they are trying to make sure I don’t miss out on one of life’s most amazing events, the creating of a life, watching it grow and mature and become someone wonderful.
But they might not turn out to be wonderful. Hitler, Manson, Jim Jones, Son of Sam, The Hillside Stranglers, BTK, Columbine Killers, etc were all someone’s little warm bundle of joy once and look how they turned out.
*shrug* Oh well.
It doesn’t really matter becuz I now have the perfect response to all those fukking liars out there who keep telling me that it is not too late for me to have a baby. A quick bland smile. Then a blank stare. *smirk* It works every time. You can’t argue with silence. You can try but eventually they give up when they see they aren’t making you mad and they aren’t changing your mind.
*inhale, exhale* There. I’ve vented and I’m done. My quiet has returned.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Bitter black men.
I think I make some men mad at me. Maybe I am just over analyzing but these are just my observations.
I think I am the 80/20 rule when it comes to women. In case you don’t know what that is it is just this, I am 80% of what most men say they are looking for in a woman.
I can cook very very well. My specialty is down home southern cooking. Still working on my mac n cheese and biscuit recipes but I’m getting there. I make the greens that make the family show up for every holiday gathering and the pot is always empty at the end of the evening. *chuckle* And I recently discovered that I make a mean pound cake. I thought my sister Cookie was the only one who could hurt your feelings with her deserts but I have found my desert specialty. Oh. My. Word. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and…I have no words for how good it is.
Southern cooking is my specialty but that’s not all I can cook. My spaghetti sauce has received the ultimate compliment: it disappeared at a department function. LOL Everyone kept asking me my secret *lol*. No secret really, it is Ragu with some home doctoring. I learned it from Cookie and I believe her sauce is even better than mine. *LOL* She does hers in a slow cooker. I just cook mine the day before I serve it and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then heat and serve. The seasonings go thru and thru that way.
I can follow most recipes and have it turn out well. I enjoy cooking in and cleaning a quiet house. *chuckle* I find myself meditating while I am cooking and cleaning as long as it’s quiet. I find afterward though my body is tired my mind is so clear.
I like and keep a tidy home. Not spotless but tidy.
I work and bring home a decent salary, thank You very much my Lord God. I have been told I am not supposed to be working at the level I am working at, especially with no degree. *shrug* Try my God. I loves Him and His son Jesus. They really do work miracles.
I don’t smoke. I have no baby daddies. I don’t have miscellaneous exes hanging around. When a relationship is done then it’s done. I stop. Recover from whatever needs to be recovered from. Learn from my mistakes and move on. I wish the man the best while I am at it. No hard feelings here. That’s wasted emotion.
I am well groomed. I may not have top of the line anything but I look good in what I wear. I keep myself neat and tidy.
I enjoy sex and enjoy pleasing a man as long as he reciprocates. There isn’t much in the bedroom that’s taboo. And I keep what happens in my bedroom in my bedroom.
I haven’t turned into a bitter black woman becuz I am single at 42 years of age. *shrug* There are far more good women (of all colors) than there are good black men. A lot of good black men date women of all colors which makes the pool of available good black men even smaller. It is what it is. Besides, I am not just looking for a good black man. I am looking for an extraordinary man. All colors may apply. *smirk*
With all that going for me why am I only 80%? Well becuz I don’t look like Halle Berry, Amber Rose (I wanna be her smarter more talented clone), Janet Jackson, Stacey Dash, Pam Greer (I wanted to be her clone first), Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union, Lela Rashon, or *sigh* Sade. Among others but these women make the top of my list of beautiful black women as the media would have society accept beauty.
However, my purely aesthetic list includes all of the above along with Mo’Nique, Jill Scott, Nina Simone, Tina Turner (RIGHT NOW), Jos Stone, the ladies of the duet that is Flowetry, Queen Latifah, Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, etc. My list could go on and on. But that’s not beauty in the eyes of many men. *shrug* That’s what I mean about that 20%.
The extraordinary man that I am looking for sees past the aesthetics of beauty to what is real. The world’s perception of beauty is easy on the eyes but it can be very hard on the heart, mind and soul. He, like me, has already been there and done that. He’s looking for someone of substance. Just like me.
But I digress.
I am not society’s standard of beauty and I am not going to try to twist myself into it either. End up crazier than a rabid dog. No thank you. If I end up alone…I won’t be bitter about it. I want what I want or I don’t want anything at all. I’ve always been this way.
Best way to explain me is this story. I’ll try to keep it short. *chuckle*
When I was about 8 or 9 years old I went with my mother to buy new blankets for the family. Since I was with her my mother let me pick out my own. I picked out a lovely shade of blue but alas it only came in a king size and my bed was a twin. My mother said she was not going to be constantly washing that blanket becuz it would just drag on the floor. She told me to pick another blanket. I refused. She said fine but you’ll be cold this winter. I knew better than to talk back but I thought to myself no I wouldn’t. Becuz, everyone else was getting new blankets, I would just take their old ones and put them on my bed. I had a nice toasty winter.
I’d rather be content with what I have then settle for less than what I want. I’ve settled with other things in my life and never been satisfied, content or happy with what I got. I won’t settle when it comes to a man. I’ll just make 3 people very unhappy. Me, him, and the woman he could have been with.
But the problem comes into play for me when I am around men on a regular basis. Though women sometimes try to shove me into the lesbian category, men always know I am heterosexual. Women try to shove me into the gay category becuz I don’t keep a man. Not even just to have someone to sex. *shrug* I got a vibrator and batteries. Though it’s not the same, there is no drama factor with the vibrator. I’ve noticed that women who keep exes around for sex have a hard time getting rid of them when they find a new guy. Then they and their new guy end up having a parting of the ways before the relationship can even get off the ground. No thank you. Keep it moving. Maybe we can be friends in 20 years or so. I mean let’s be real here…this guy is an ex for a reason. I forgive but I ain’t forgot why I am not with you anymore.
So after a man gets to know me, if he is single (and sometimes not) and he finds himself attracted to me, he will make that move. Sometimes it is subtle, fellas cut this out cuz I sometimes miss subtle just like you all do. Sometimes it is not subtle at all, fellas I appreciate this cuz it leaves no room for misunderstandings.
A guy makes a move and they get let down easy. I already know before they make that move whether we’ll be good for each other.
How? Simple, I am a charmer. While I am charming you (male or female) I am learning you. What type of person you are and whether you have a place in my life.
I was born and raised in Baltimore and have lived here, except for brief periods, all of my life. I know these men very well. Even the guys transplanted from other areas. Therefore, I’ve seen most types of men. Most not all. As I am charming a guy I know invariably most guys are going to find themselves attracted to me whether they think they do fat chicks or not. It’s just my nature. I’m very cool like that.
The more I charm the more men tell me. By the time a lot guys make that move on me I’ve already decided whether the drama they are bringing is worth it. Most of the time it isn’t. *shrug* It is what it is.
I am 42 years old. I don’t do baby momma drama. Period. I don’t do men still living at home with momma, aunty, sister, cuzin, or granny. If it is his house (need to see mortgage documents) and they are living with him that’s different. That all comes out while I’m charming him, trust me. I don’t smoke and I don’t do smokers. I think a man should be just as comfortable in my home as he is in his own home. If he smokes there after sex then he should be able to smoke with his lady after sex. You cannot smoke in my home. Period.
I don’t do junkies, alcoholics and gamblers who are not in recovery. I don’t have any of those things going on and don’t wanna deal with anyone else’s demons.
I work so my love you have to work too unless you are independently wealthy (Call me!). You must be STD/STI free and must be willing to take a test to prove this at my doctor’s office. Trust isn’t given, babe, it’s earned one step at a time.
So when I am shooting down these guys they don’t like it. Cuz you know fat chicks are supposed to be happy just to have man interested in them. *double eyeroll* Whatever. Not this fat chick. Add to the fact that they realize just how content I am with my life while I wait for someone who is not them, they get a little bitter.
Take my neighbors for instance. The two guys who only date girls with cars cuz they do not have cars themselves. *chuckle* I have just come to realize that whenever I start cooking in my place they start slamming in and out of their front door.
At first I didn’t know what to make of why they suddenly would start slamming their front door. Then I realized something. One day they cooked something…and burnt it to cinders by the smell of it. *smirk* Evidently, the girls can’t cook either. I blame teen pregnancy. I didn’t learn to cook until I was a teen myself. If you’re having babies as a teen you don’t have time to learn to cook well thus what do you have to teach your daughters? JMHO
As long as I am not cooking they seem to be able to come and go without me knowing the difference. But the minute I fire up the stove, which I do most Sundays and some weeknights, the doors start slamming.
And fellas? It tastes as good as it smells. *sniffing my greens cooking & smiling*
One of them, the one that smokes like a chimney, has tried to strike up convos a couple times. I very politely respond and keep it moving. Naw, son, you stay over there with them chickenheads that don’t bathe themselves. *chuckle* Plus, they are a bit suspect. As in I suspect they gay. I’ve overheard them singing love songs to each other when their girls ain’t around. Last month they were singing Luther. *confused face* Then their girls come over and its all hard core rap. *real confused face* If I ever hear disco then I’ll be finished suspecting.
Then there is the other neighbor, different house. The one walking the one and only chick I’ve ever seen him with to the bus stop. *LMBO* Oh. My. Word. Yeah, he has tried and failed a few times. And it has nothing to do with his height, though I am sure that’s what he believes. I have dated guys shorter than me and that’s saying something at 5’5”. So when I say I’ve been through most of the types I mean what I say. You have to be extraordinary in order to get an extraordinary. Aesthetics is only 20% of the equation for me if that much.
Anyway Mr. Bus Stop has all but stopped speaking to me all together. *chuckle & shrug* Sorry, hon, but I’ve never been sent home via a bus after a date and don’t intend to start now. You ain’t got cab fare after I give you the best that I got (sexual and nonsexual) then you ain’t got me. Evidently, your chick felt the same way. *smh*
I had the same problem at my last apartment. It was a duplex. Landlord lived downstairs and I lived upstairs. Landlord was married, but his wife didn’t cook much. Laws! The day I came home and they were airing out the house cuz they had burnt something to cinders was pretty funny.
I had two guys living next door. Both tried. Both had major issues. One was in debt up to his eyeballs but was working through it. Ok, dealt with that before. Your pre-relationship with me debt is your debt. No, I am not going to help you pay it down. You got into the mess and the best way to learn from it is for you to get out of it. But becuz he’s broke then I can’t go anywhere or buy anything nice for myself without him catching an attitude. Been there done that. Talk to me when you get free of your debt.
The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. *stank face* Let me say this again. The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. How I found out was that him and the husband were outside fighting over the wife – who was nowhere to be seen – and the husband repeats over and over to stay away from his wife. I seent the chick and she hopped ever so carelessly into and out of his car every time I laid eyes on her. Never would have known she was married from her demeanor. Plus, I don’t share my man. Period.
These are some of the black men who think they are good men…yeah…right…ok…but you are not for me.
So since I wasn’t interested, one of them started stalking me. So crazy. *shakes off the creeps* My landlord and the other one got a little stank with me. Hence, the move.
See a pattern here? Women can get stank with me too about it. As in how dare I be content without a man and they are going through drama. First, there will be drama in any relationship. We ain’t Vulcans. We are humans. Drama comes with human beings, being able to work through drama comes with being an adult. I’m just particular about the drama I’ll deal with. Thing is I don’t particularly care when women get stank about me. *shrug*
I do care when the men get stank. I’m not mean about it. Let’s just be friends, you know? I got plenty of single friends to introduce a guy to. But you know how some men are, if they can’t have you then they have to down you. *eyeroll*
When do I get to hang out with grownups?
I’d rather just be friends and keep it moving. Some guys can take that but some really do get kinda mean spirited about it. I’ll keep trying to improve my technique. Hopefully, I won’t have to keep improving too much longer. That my extraordinary man will show up soon so I can just say I’m taken!
*tips empty water bottle at the monitor*
I think I am the 80/20 rule when it comes to women. In case you don’t know what that is it is just this, I am 80% of what most men say they are looking for in a woman.
I can cook very very well. My specialty is down home southern cooking. Still working on my mac n cheese and biscuit recipes but I’m getting there. I make the greens that make the family show up for every holiday gathering and the pot is always empty at the end of the evening. *chuckle* And I recently discovered that I make a mean pound cake. I thought my sister Cookie was the only one who could hurt your feelings with her deserts but I have found my desert specialty. Oh. My. Word. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and…I have no words for how good it is.
Southern cooking is my specialty but that’s not all I can cook. My spaghetti sauce has received the ultimate compliment: it disappeared at a department function. LOL Everyone kept asking me my secret *lol*. No secret really, it is Ragu with some home doctoring. I learned it from Cookie and I believe her sauce is even better than mine. *LOL* She does hers in a slow cooker. I just cook mine the day before I serve it and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then heat and serve. The seasonings go thru and thru that way.
I can follow most recipes and have it turn out well. I enjoy cooking in and cleaning a quiet house. *chuckle* I find myself meditating while I am cooking and cleaning as long as it’s quiet. I find afterward though my body is tired my mind is so clear.
I like and keep a tidy home. Not spotless but tidy.
I work and bring home a decent salary, thank You very much my Lord God. I have been told I am not supposed to be working at the level I am working at, especially with no degree. *shrug* Try my God. I loves Him and His son Jesus. They really do work miracles.
I don’t smoke. I have no baby daddies. I don’t have miscellaneous exes hanging around. When a relationship is done then it’s done. I stop. Recover from whatever needs to be recovered from. Learn from my mistakes and move on. I wish the man the best while I am at it. No hard feelings here. That’s wasted emotion.
I am well groomed. I may not have top of the line anything but I look good in what I wear. I keep myself neat and tidy.
I enjoy sex and enjoy pleasing a man as long as he reciprocates. There isn’t much in the bedroom that’s taboo. And I keep what happens in my bedroom in my bedroom.
I haven’t turned into a bitter black woman becuz I am single at 42 years of age. *shrug* There are far more good women (of all colors) than there are good black men. A lot of good black men date women of all colors which makes the pool of available good black men even smaller. It is what it is. Besides, I am not just looking for a good black man. I am looking for an extraordinary man. All colors may apply. *smirk*
With all that going for me why am I only 80%? Well becuz I don’t look like Halle Berry, Amber Rose (I wanna be her smarter more talented clone), Janet Jackson, Stacey Dash, Pam Greer (I wanted to be her clone first), Angela Bassett, Sanaa Lathan, Gabrielle Union, Lela Rashon, or *sigh* Sade. Among others but these women make the top of my list of beautiful black women as the media would have society accept beauty.
However, my purely aesthetic list includes all of the above along with Mo’Nique, Jill Scott, Nina Simone, Tina Turner (RIGHT NOW), Jos Stone, the ladies of the duet that is Flowetry, Queen Latifah, Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, etc. My list could go on and on. But that’s not beauty in the eyes of many men. *shrug* That’s what I mean about that 20%.
The extraordinary man that I am looking for sees past the aesthetics of beauty to what is real. The world’s perception of beauty is easy on the eyes but it can be very hard on the heart, mind and soul. He, like me, has already been there and done that. He’s looking for someone of substance. Just like me.
But I digress.
I am not society’s standard of beauty and I am not going to try to twist myself into it either. End up crazier than a rabid dog. No thank you. If I end up alone…I won’t be bitter about it. I want what I want or I don’t want anything at all. I’ve always been this way.
Best way to explain me is this story. I’ll try to keep it short. *chuckle*
When I was about 8 or 9 years old I went with my mother to buy new blankets for the family. Since I was with her my mother let me pick out my own. I picked out a lovely shade of blue but alas it only came in a king size and my bed was a twin. My mother said she was not going to be constantly washing that blanket becuz it would just drag on the floor. She told me to pick another blanket. I refused. She said fine but you’ll be cold this winter. I knew better than to talk back but I thought to myself no I wouldn’t. Becuz, everyone else was getting new blankets, I would just take their old ones and put them on my bed. I had a nice toasty winter.
I’d rather be content with what I have then settle for less than what I want. I’ve settled with other things in my life and never been satisfied, content or happy with what I got. I won’t settle when it comes to a man. I’ll just make 3 people very unhappy. Me, him, and the woman he could have been with.
But the problem comes into play for me when I am around men on a regular basis. Though women sometimes try to shove me into the lesbian category, men always know I am heterosexual. Women try to shove me into the gay category becuz I don’t keep a man. Not even just to have someone to sex. *shrug* I got a vibrator and batteries. Though it’s not the same, there is no drama factor with the vibrator. I’ve noticed that women who keep exes around for sex have a hard time getting rid of them when they find a new guy. Then they and their new guy end up having a parting of the ways before the relationship can even get off the ground. No thank you. Keep it moving. Maybe we can be friends in 20 years or so. I mean let’s be real here…this guy is an ex for a reason. I forgive but I ain’t forgot why I am not with you anymore.
So after a man gets to know me, if he is single (and sometimes not) and he finds himself attracted to me, he will make that move. Sometimes it is subtle, fellas cut this out cuz I sometimes miss subtle just like you all do. Sometimes it is not subtle at all, fellas I appreciate this cuz it leaves no room for misunderstandings.
A guy makes a move and they get let down easy. I already know before they make that move whether we’ll be good for each other.
How? Simple, I am a charmer. While I am charming you (male or female) I am learning you. What type of person you are and whether you have a place in my life.
I was born and raised in Baltimore and have lived here, except for brief periods, all of my life. I know these men very well. Even the guys transplanted from other areas. Therefore, I’ve seen most types of men. Most not all. As I am charming a guy I know invariably most guys are going to find themselves attracted to me whether they think they do fat chicks or not. It’s just my nature. I’m very cool like that.
The more I charm the more men tell me. By the time a lot guys make that move on me I’ve already decided whether the drama they are bringing is worth it. Most of the time it isn’t. *shrug* It is what it is.
I am 42 years old. I don’t do baby momma drama. Period. I don’t do men still living at home with momma, aunty, sister, cuzin, or granny. If it is his house (need to see mortgage documents) and they are living with him that’s different. That all comes out while I’m charming him, trust me. I don’t smoke and I don’t do smokers. I think a man should be just as comfortable in my home as he is in his own home. If he smokes there after sex then he should be able to smoke with his lady after sex. You cannot smoke in my home. Period.
I don’t do junkies, alcoholics and gamblers who are not in recovery. I don’t have any of those things going on and don’t wanna deal with anyone else’s demons.
I work so my love you have to work too unless you are independently wealthy (Call me!). You must be STD/STI free and must be willing to take a test to prove this at my doctor’s office. Trust isn’t given, babe, it’s earned one step at a time.
So when I am shooting down these guys they don’t like it. Cuz you know fat chicks are supposed to be happy just to have man interested in them. *double eyeroll* Whatever. Not this fat chick. Add to the fact that they realize just how content I am with my life while I wait for someone who is not them, they get a little bitter.
Take my neighbors for instance. The two guys who only date girls with cars cuz they do not have cars themselves. *chuckle* I have just come to realize that whenever I start cooking in my place they start slamming in and out of their front door.
At first I didn’t know what to make of why they suddenly would start slamming their front door. Then I realized something. One day they cooked something…and burnt it to cinders by the smell of it. *smirk* Evidently, the girls can’t cook either. I blame teen pregnancy. I didn’t learn to cook until I was a teen myself. If you’re having babies as a teen you don’t have time to learn to cook well thus what do you have to teach your daughters? JMHO
As long as I am not cooking they seem to be able to come and go without me knowing the difference. But the minute I fire up the stove, which I do most Sundays and some weeknights, the doors start slamming.
And fellas? It tastes as good as it smells. *sniffing my greens cooking & smiling*
One of them, the one that smokes like a chimney, has tried to strike up convos a couple times. I very politely respond and keep it moving. Naw, son, you stay over there with them chickenheads that don’t bathe themselves. *chuckle* Plus, they are a bit suspect. As in I suspect they gay. I’ve overheard them singing love songs to each other when their girls ain’t around. Last month they were singing Luther. *confused face* Then their girls come over and its all hard core rap. *real confused face* If I ever hear disco then I’ll be finished suspecting.
Then there is the other neighbor, different house. The one walking the one and only chick I’ve ever seen him with to the bus stop. *LMBO* Oh. My. Word. Yeah, he has tried and failed a few times. And it has nothing to do with his height, though I am sure that’s what he believes. I have dated guys shorter than me and that’s saying something at 5’5”. So when I say I’ve been through most of the types I mean what I say. You have to be extraordinary in order to get an extraordinary. Aesthetics is only 20% of the equation for me if that much.
Anyway Mr. Bus Stop has all but stopped speaking to me all together. *chuckle & shrug* Sorry, hon, but I’ve never been sent home via a bus after a date and don’t intend to start now. You ain’t got cab fare after I give you the best that I got (sexual and nonsexual) then you ain’t got me. Evidently, your chick felt the same way. *smh*
I had the same problem at my last apartment. It was a duplex. Landlord lived downstairs and I lived upstairs. Landlord was married, but his wife didn’t cook much. Laws! The day I came home and they were airing out the house cuz they had burnt something to cinders was pretty funny.
I had two guys living next door. Both tried. Both had major issues. One was in debt up to his eyeballs but was working through it. Ok, dealt with that before. Your pre-relationship with me debt is your debt. No, I am not going to help you pay it down. You got into the mess and the best way to learn from it is for you to get out of it. But becuz he’s broke then I can’t go anywhere or buy anything nice for myself without him catching an attitude. Been there done that. Talk to me when you get free of your debt.
The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. *stank face* Let me say this again. The other guy was in a relationship with a married woman. How I found out was that him and the husband were outside fighting over the wife – who was nowhere to be seen – and the husband repeats over and over to stay away from his wife. I seent the chick and she hopped ever so carelessly into and out of his car every time I laid eyes on her. Never would have known she was married from her demeanor. Plus, I don’t share my man. Period.
These are some of the black men who think they are good men…yeah…right…ok…but you are not for me.
So since I wasn’t interested, one of them started stalking me. So crazy. *shakes off the creeps* My landlord and the other one got a little stank with me. Hence, the move.
See a pattern here? Women can get stank with me too about it. As in how dare I be content without a man and they are going through drama. First, there will be drama in any relationship. We ain’t Vulcans. We are humans. Drama comes with human beings, being able to work through drama comes with being an adult. I’m just particular about the drama I’ll deal with. Thing is I don’t particularly care when women get stank about me. *shrug*
I do care when the men get stank. I’m not mean about it. Let’s just be friends, you know? I got plenty of single friends to introduce a guy to. But you know how some men are, if they can’t have you then they have to down you. *eyeroll*
When do I get to hang out with grownups?
I’d rather just be friends and keep it moving. Some guys can take that but some really do get kinda mean spirited about it. I’ll keep trying to improve my technique. Hopefully, I won’t have to keep improving too much longer. That my extraordinary man will show up soon so I can just say I’m taken!
*tips empty water bottle at the monitor*
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