Why is life so hard?

I'm having one of those days when it just all seems too frigging hard. I don't understand nearly enough of it. I wonder why I am here and why am I doing so badly? *sigh* I just want to go home.

So long, farewell, something something, and goodbye to Facebook

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo…I’m gone from Facebook…again. This time for good. I do not play he said she said and I am too old for electronic battles.  I got real life battles to deal with.

So I am on FB Saturday afternoon trying to play catch up when I head over to my ladies group and evidently TDP and HKS are having some type of fb argument.  I can’t see anything TDP writes because he blocked me ages ago. *shrug* Turns out it is a blessing, God is awesome! Since I can’t see it then I can’t be pulled into it.

However, one of my fb buddies tried to pull me into it. I was like, wait…what?  Why are you calling me out and you know all the dirt? Is what I was thinking. *chuckle* I basically gave a “no comment” comment and exited the group. Not that I didn’t want to say something, because game recognizes game, but I knew it wasn’t my place.

Anyway what struck me as always was how quick the women in the group were to jump on HKS. Long story short he’s moving him and his son to VA to live with her. As in now. Um, school ends in about a month. Why is he yanking his kid out of school this close to the end of the school year?  That was my thought. Not why isn’t HKS responding to him about the move. That’s his son, not hers.

Everyone kept saying, but there is a child involved. I’m thinking, yeah, his child. Because if the situation were reversed then everyone would be looking at her like she was crazy for yanking her kid out of school before the school year ended and moving to another state to depend on some man.

I know this because we already had a similar scenario on BA. *chuckle*

Anyway, it threw me into another round of self examination. Because my response and thoughts were so totally different from everyone else’s. I mean, I do not think of myself as a bitch. But considering the way all the other women were just jumping on HKS, I was wondering had I turned into a bitch without realizing it.

I guess what I am trying to figure out now at the age of 44 years is how much compassion do you show a person?  All the other ladies were just so concerned about the child and his father. Me on the other hand:

Seriously. I couldn’t care less about his situation. Maybe I know too much of their back story.  Maybe it is the fact that I didn’t attend his birthday party but sent a gift, and notified him ahead of time that I couldn’t attend due to illness and apologized AND he was still pissy months later.  That told me a lot about his character right there. I just shook my head when he called himself subliminally cussing me out about it on twitter. *shrug* He’s damn near 40 years old and mad because someone didn’t attend his birthday party. Seriously? Yeah. Ok.

Seriously, if you send me a gift on my birthday instead of coming to see me because you are sick, I ain’t going to be mad with you depending on the gift. *chuckle*

But back to me being a bitch.  Am I just a cold unfeeling bitch? I guess that will be one of the things for me to work on and think about. I never thought I was. I thought I was compassionate and caring but the whole time they were talking about HKS, I just kept thinking “That’s his kid, not hers. She owes him and that kid zilch.”

How much compassion do you show to him and his child in this situation? He’s not moving to Virginia to BE with her, he’s moving him and his child IN with her. And I am being left with the impression he doesn’t have a job and is still married to his wife. Oh the wife is staying here in public housing.

He ain’t married to me then he can’t live with me and I don’t do men with young children. AND I DAMN FOR SURE DON’T DO MEN WHO ARE MARRIED TO ANYONE OTHER THAN ME!

And what the rest of them don’t know is that those two sometimes make each other mad in order to enhance their sex lives. When HKS and I were friends she would be pissed with him and they’d do and say things to each other to make each other madder. Then they’d get together for a sex session and work all that aggression out.  Then they would be cool again. It works for them.

So while I’m contemplating my bitch status those two may be somewhere burning a hole in a floor. Maybe.  One thing I am 90% sure of is that this ain’t over by a long shot and I am excusing myself from the drama. I am going to miss the shenanigans. Oh well. To everything a season under Heaven.  I guess my season with FB is over.

I'm trying to believe this woman is trying to help me but...

So it is Friday morning and I am trying to clean up some things on my desk. We are trying to get a document out the door to a client. There is a portion that has to come from our controller's office and our contact just ain't cooperating with us. We've been trying to get this document out the door since JANUARY!!!!

So the client drops us all another email first thing this morning and I email my boss and one of the other managers that perhaps it is time to kick it up to the guy's supervisor. So neither of those two answer. I made the mistake, I now see, of including my coworker on the email.

I don't know why but that sends her into scurry mode. She starts scurrying around pulling all these documents from other places trying to make the document up HERSELF. Ok.  Now neither my boss or the other manager have even responded to my email yet. I end up spending the next hour proofing shyt she is pulling together.

Finally, I see my boss go by and I call her into the fray of this mess. Do you know what my coworker does after pulling all these files and dumping them on my desk?  She scurries back to her office talking about "Oh let me get out of here. I don't want to be involved."

It took everything in my power to keep my professionalism on lock. So my boss rightly questions, as she still hasn't answered my email, did we just give up on getting the document from the other department? I said well {insert coworker's name} has. *imagine sounds of woman across the hall going: "Oh no no, keep me out of it" while me and the boss are talking*  Did you read my email?  My boss said yes and that she was going to call and talk to him before moving up to his supervisor.

So I spent my morning running down numbers for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I know she means well. I do. I know she means well but dear dear dear sweet Lord ... can she grow a bit of a backbone? Can she stop being so much of a worry wort? I just need her to dial it back one notch! Just ONE!

Then after all that she went back to her office and just yelled a few things she thought I should know because it is going to come back to you (me), you know? And she is probably right on that. But at the same time everyone knows what is going on. This didn't start with me. The goes back before I even got the account and you know who was handling it before me? My boss. So yeah. I go? We go.

I just needed to vent this. Now, I'm going to go have a cocktail. *salutes screen with empty highball glass*

Am I Weird?

So I am back to thinking I’m weird again.  So many different things going on with the people around me.  TPL isn’t speaking to his brother or his sister-in-law (SIL) according to him.  Now that is a first.  He and his brother will be on the outs every now and again but they always work it out through the SIL.  Now TPL is mad with the SIL because he found out she told his brother that he couldn’t bring his son to live with them.

Long story short: TPL’s brother has a child from a one night stand he had before he met and married his wife.  DNA verified.  At some point in the child’s development the baby momma (BM) couldn’t handle him anymore and wanted TPL’s brother to take him but keep paying her the child support. *blink blink*  SIL said no and that was the end of that.

TPL feels they should have taken the son in regardless.  I kind of agree on that because they could have gotten a good lawyer to get custody once the boy had been in their custody long enough to show this was a better home for him and gotten child support discontinued.  However they didn’t.  TPL blames the SIL.  I didn’t say anything but the thing that kept running through my mind is just this:

If you can’t tell a black man what to do and you can’t make a black man do what he doesn’t want to do then how did your SIL make your brother not take in his own seed if that is what he wanted to do? *side eyeing that whole notion*

Black men.  I swear they running game on a whole different level and women are falling for it left and right.  So much so it makes me wonder from time to time if I am the crazy one.

Then one of my e-buddies had me on my side of the screen just shaking my head.  TickleDaPickle for lack of a better name for him was on her fb page admonishing her for stalking her man.  Now I just crack up at it because I know this is her way of coping and if you pay attention it gets less and less frequent as time goes on.  She’s a bit frustrated and this is her outlet.  TDP and a few others have a problem with it.

What got me was that when one chick said something she restricted her access to her page. *shrug* Your page and your ramble.  People can respect it, ignore it or block it.  Real simple.  No need to go in on someone especially since it was a JOKE.  Anyway when TDP went in on her she didn’t restrict or block his access. *smh*  Even black women have a double standard when it comes to how we let black men treat us.

Then she totally blew my mind when I found out she picks up and drops off the peen she ain’t getting anymore.  *blink blink*  Yeah, the last time a dude who was trying to date me was waiting around for me to pick him up he ended up blowing up my landline while I was out doing me.  Only peen I pick up requires batteries.

I totally don’t understand this concept.  Why?  Because it is dangerous for a woman to be out in this world alone.  A man who truly loves and values his woman would never want to put her at risk. *smh*

I’ve been on a writing jag this year so I haven’t been watching much tv.  But one of the last 48 Hours shows I caught was about a woman who was kidnapped and murdered after stopping at a convenience store to pick her boyfriend up some snacks.  There is video of her being snatched at the door.  So sad.  That mofo fell asleep waiting up for her so it was hours before she was reported missing.  He’s sitting on tv crying and I felt not one pang of sympathy for him.  He should have told her: Naw babe, I’m good.  You just come on home.  Or went to her job and rode home behind her.  There was a lot a good man would have done in that situation. 

So no, I don’t think much of any dude who would let his woman pick him up and drop him off and let her ride off alone in this crazy world.  Especially since the media does not publicize when blacks, male or female, come up missing.

Add to it he is SUPPOSED to be following the Muslim faith.  Naw.  He is supposed to make sure his woman is safe.  Where is all that machismo most Muslims have? *smh*  I still say he’s found himself a woman within his religious sect that he will ultimately marry.  If anyone asks, my e-buddy is just his friend.  And he’ll be telling the truth as they have stopped having sex.

None of the above would fly with me but most of the other women I know don’t seem to have a problem with it.  I just don’t get it.

And the internet dating? *rolls eyes*  I keep waiting for them to have that “Aha!” moment when they realize they need to stop looking for love on the internet.  There is none to be found.  There are just a bunch of horny men looking for quick hops in the sack.

Time and again they get their hopes up and then end up back in the group hurt and upset.  Then their self-esteem sinks yet lower.  I don’t understand why they torture themselves like that.

OHMIGOSH!!!! And one girl met one that had me like…pass him my number.  His peen doesn’t work because he had prostate cancer.  They had to remove everything that made his member rise.  I’m like, there is surgery for that.  Next problem?  Then she said he SEEMED clingy.  He might be.  Once that prostate is gone men become as emotional as women do.

How do I know?  Prostate Cancer was the specialty of The Boss Who Could Still Get It. *lol*  All that to say I wouldn’t have written him off just yet.  I’d need to know how much money he has.  For $17,000 they can correct that peen problem.  If he has insurance then it might cover it all together and he would not have to come up with any out of pocket money.  Then she wouldn’t mind his clingy behind with a nice, new, and harder than ever peen. *shrug*  And he probably wouldn’t be so clingy once he got a new peen that worked better than the old one.

I try not to talk too much.  I’ve temped a lot so I’ve had a lot of jobs.  I’ve met a lot of people and learned a little bit of everything.  I don’t care what topics they come up with I usually have a story.  But to be 44 years old and have all the stories I have can kind of make people look at you like you have got to be lying.

*chuckling* Like one time me and a coworker were discussing birth defects and I was telling her about a child my mother cared for when she was still a nurse who had been born with no brain.  My coworker burst out with: “You and your stories!  That can’t be true!”

As it so happened one of the doctors was walking by and I stopped her and asked her to validate my story.  Indeed the condition is called Anencephaly.  My coworker looked at me like suddenly she had to reevaluate me.  I realized then that she thought I had been lying or making up stories.  I do but I put them in works of fiction.  I got no need to make up stories IRL.  TPL taught me just how bad that is for the rep if ever I was tempted to do so.

Anyway, I’ve just been censoring myself since then.  Sometimes I get carried away and go on a story telling jag! *smh lol*  So, I just kind of listen IRL or read online.  Sometimes I comment and sometimes I don’t.  Still, I just feel weird sometimes like, why do these solutions seem like common sense to me and rocket science to others?

I have to remind myself that the troubles others are going through are their journey just like mine are my journey.  Still, it does make me wonder about my own sanity sometimes.  My writing has been a saving grace in that.  I just published my first e-book on Amazon!  Yeah me!  And I’ve sold 8 books. *lol*  And believe it or not I’m real tickled about it.  I am working hard on the sequel.

I declare one day after writing it was like I had drained my skull.  My head felt lighter.  I fell asleep and was out like a light!

So that is tricks.  So far everyone likes my car.  Eh.  I like the fact that it runs well.  My dream car was a Camry until they started accelerating on their own.  Now, I just like a car that spends more time on the road than in the shop.

Otherwise, God is good and all is right in His universe.