I have been doing so well. I really have. I’ve been positive and upbeat. Things have been going so well for me lately
that I have just been feeling so blessed.
The stress has just been missing me left and right. Today *pauses and looks Heavenward* the devil
pulled out all the stops. He won this
round but the war ain’t over.
So I cannot remember whether or not I blogged about my
last time eating something one of my coworkers cooked. It was a few years ago and I did not have a
good weekend because of it. They didn’t
kill me then but I swear they keep trying. *nervous chuckle* At least that is
what my friends tell me every time I mention that they are having another
potluck.
I have taken vacation days to avoid the potlucks. I have scheduled doctor’s appointments and
meetings. Heck I’ve said I had a meeting
and just went and hid out in an empty conference room.
I think I’ve done well in avoiding their cooking. That is until today. This time they did a sneak attack.
We celebrate birthdays on the job. Whoever had the last birthday gets the
birthday goodies for the next person. We
have people who like cake or pie or cupcakes, etc. Whatever the birthday guy or girl would
prefer. Just about everyone bought their
offerings at a store or bakery.
But. Not. Today.
Today the coworker hosting the birthday recipient decided
she would cook lunch for our team. They
announced it first thing this morning via email telling everyone not to each
lunch. This woman is a very nice
woman. HOW FUGGING EVER! She has had a cough for YEARS that her doctor
can neither diagnose nor cure. Why the
fugg does she think I want her cooking for me?
So I took my medicine about 5 minutes before going into
this impromptu luncheon. I politely
explain that the meds I take prevent me from eating for almost an hour. Everyone nodded and said that’s a shame. Everyone but CCW2. This bish gonna ask me what medicine I
take. This bish ain’t a doctor! And it wasn’t her business. She was trying to bust on someone! I told her I couldn’t remember and would have
to check the bottle. Why the fugg do
people think it is their business to show people up? I did the nice polite thing. What I could have done was the following:
Bish, I ain’t eating from not nan one of y’all. I have seen two of y’all bishes come out of
the bathroom without washing your hands.
One of you trifling bishes had the nerve to stand beside me and PRETEND
to wash your hands. The only reason I
caught it was that someone spoke to me as they entered the bathroom. When I looked up from washing my hands to
see who spoke that’s when I caught your nasty azz wiggling your dry azz fingers
at the water. Standing there with this
little smirk on your face too! Then your
nasty azz turns off the water with your nasty hands and grabs a paper
towel. The dry towel barely makes it
into the trash. Dry paper don’t fly
people. You just wadded up good before you
tossed it. Then grabbed the handle and
walked out the bathroom. Who would have
thought that someone who acts so prissy could be so nasty. I was in shock when I saw it.
*turn to another coworker* Then there is your azz! I saw you run your hands through the water
once to the left and then once to the right and turned off the water. No.
Soap. Was. Used.
*look around the room hoping someone will look guilty* Then there is the chick I am trying to catch who uses the bathroom and then exits the bathroom without washing her hands. I don’t know if it is one or a few of y’all. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than one. One day someone was in there having the wettest, nastiest sounding BM. Bish walked out of the bathroom without washing her hands. OH! How I wish I could have gotten out of my stall a half a second quicker. Nasty bish!
*turn and point at another coworker* Then there is this bish here who scratches her
crotch constantly. CCW2 you keep on eating
the food she brings in. CCW2 your azz
stays sick. Makes you wonder. Oh and CCW2 you are another one that can’t cook
for me the way you stay sick.
That’s just y’all women.
I can’t speak for what goes on in the men’s room but dude
in the scarf your hygiene is questionable and you’ve been sick for at least six
months. All last summer you walked
around the office with a wool scarf wrapped around your neck. Our AC ain’t that chilly. Believe that!
All through the fall and winter you’ve been sniffling. I thought it was drugs but hey who knows?
Side note: Mr. Wool Scarf cooked this fish dish that everyone insisted I had to try. So said I had to go to a “meeting”. *pursed lipped eye roll* I ain’t got time for tape worms.
CCW2 you got one more time to organize one more gatdamn potluck! Stop asking these nasty azz people to cook! Stop cooking and bringing me ish! ALL THAT SHYT GOES IN THE TRASH WHEN Y’ALL AIN’T LOOKING!!!!!
Not to mention that we are in the middle of cold and flu
season. AGAIN, why the fugg are you trying to organize another potluck that I am not participating in?
Yeah. That’s what
I could have said. But I didn’t. I just kept it nice and polite. She need a fugging hobby, dack or something
to keep her mind occupied. I don’t trust
this bish not to be planning to knock off the whole office.
I don’t know what to expect from a bish that patronizes
places her daughter wouldn’t be allowed into.
Oh. CCW2’s daughter is half
black. She remarked about a place she
hangs out at that doesn’t allow blacks in 2013.
Her daughter can’t go there unless she is accompanied by her. *crickets*
Yeah. But she loves fugging black
men. But she goes places where a black
man wouldn’t be allowed. When someone
figures that shyt out put it in a research paper and maybe I’ll read it. I don’t want shyt from this bish who says she’s
a Christian. Some of these “Christians”
gonna have a whole lot of explaining to do.
I hope they got recliners and popcorn in Heaven because I’m gonna be
sitting back watching the back peddlers enjoying the show and watching the Lord make them sweat.
I am praying and meditating. I’m trying to decide if it is time to kick it
into bish mode cuz they are trying my patience with this cooking ish! I should have done what CCW1 did and ate lunch early and showed up at the end.
*stank face while I contemplate what I'm supposed to learn from this*
