I think I've come to a decision

Well they got back to me yesterday about the salary. Yes, HR is that slow. I am part of a very large company and that gives HR the excuse to be as slow as they like.

Anyway...the salary isn't that much more than what I make now. So what is my motivation to stay or go? I think more than anything else I am just struggling to keep up in my present job. This new job would be more of the same but safe...I could shine again. I don't shine now...ok, I have moments. But before I shined all the time. Everyone thought I was so great at my job and I was so bored I moved. Now I am bored again but not shining. Not shining at all.

I think...I'll still stay where I am. I do afterall have MOMENTS when I shine. And they are happening with a bit more frequency.

SIGH!

I am just too tickled with me!

And I am too!

This morning as I passed through another department to get to my cubicle in my own department I was pulled into the office of that department's Director to offer me any of the 3 job openings that were available along with the job descriptions and salary for each position.

WOW!

WOW!

And, yes, WOWWWWWWWWWWWW!

First, and foremost, I am truly flattered that another department notices my work so much that they would offer me a job is just AMAZING to me. I know I have said I am bored but I do not let my work suffer because I am in a personal funk. If I feel I can't do my job on any given day then I take a "I am sick of my job" day and call out. To date, I have 32 sick days saved over the last five years. I don't have a lot of those type days. That's how I know my boredom is personal.

Anyway, I digress. I love saying that Back to the job offer. Its a great opportunity...but again...I would be under the direction of another woman...

The director who offered the position to me isn't the problem. Its the director's boss that might be the problem. Everyone seems to think the woman is crazy. She may be for all I know. But then I have worked for people who everyone swore was crazy and we got along just fine. Then I have worked for a couple loons too.

I have always made it a point of sitting down with my new boss and finding out what the heck they want from me, when, where, and how. That way if there are any misunderstandings down the road I can refer back to our first conversation and see what has changed. What did I miss and how to correct the problem and get back on track with my boss. That works for normal people. With the loons that I worked for...they didn't follow any particular track. They'd jump from place to place and swear that when things went wrong it was your fault for not warning them that they were headed in the wrong direction even if no one but they themselves knew where they were going.

So the questions are roiling around in my little head. What is the problem with the director's boss? Is everyone working to her expectations? Are her expectations too high? Is everyone doing their best?

Or is she a loon?

New Job

I was offered a new job today...yip...eee...

I must be stuck on stupid or slow or something...It seems every 15 months I find a new job. I don't really know if I want a new job. I just know I want something!

The italics means I feel real emotion about that. I don't want to have a typical midlife crisis where I resolve nothing. And end up resigned to go quietly into the dark sweet night that is death. Or dark sweet life depending on what I am believing and praying for at any given moment.

Yes, I have prayed to not exist anymore. To live forever seems like too much. I can't quite wrap my mind around it. And if I did live forever, would I continue to be like this? Would I get to a point again in say, a million years or so when I was bored and there truly were no new horizons to explore? This leads to more questions and more questions and not enough time or energy or caring to keep typing about it.

Real emotion about my life and its not about a new job and a bigger paycheck. I told them yes, but I have time to say no. I'll think about it over the weekend and get back to them next week. Maybe...I could aways just not show up for the job...chuckle

I haven't done that in a minute. I don't advocate it. Never know when you will run across your coulda, shoulda, woulda been boss again. I was young and stupid and I think more than a little bit depressed. I woke up late for my new job and decided to skip it.

Crazy, huh?

I like the job I am in. I actually like the people I work with. And that is saying something. We are an office of 14 women. I have never liked working under women or with women. We tend to bring our problems to work and take them out on whoever is working under us or next to us for that matter. Yet, I have been at this job for 16 months and I still pretty much like everyone including my bosses.

Doesn't stop the boredom, though.

What to do? What to do?