Ok...maybe I jumped the gun a bit. *chuckle*
I guess I was a bit quick on the draw.
My Obsession responded. And what a response it was. He went into his point of view in his email. I still don't see how I could possibly cause him any harm given the limited and unvarifiable information I have. *shrug*
Whatev.
He was really afraid that I was a guy since I hadn't sent him a picture yet. Ok, what does it matter if I was?
*hard side eye to self* Yeah. That was a really dumb question.
A heterosexual man would be ready to kill over that deception.
Whereas if I found out he was really a girl, I'd be mad but then I'd probably have to laugh. She would have fooled me well. I would then have to let her know that I am strictly dyckly and that I am only bi-curious online.
Truly. Just online. I've tried to watch lesbian porn and it always leaves me dry as the Sahara Desert. I love dyck and dyck loves me. *shrug* It is what it is. And my girl crushes are usually so butch that the only thing missing from their person is a penis and a set of balls.
So, if I found out that My Obsession was a woman. I'd be mad for a bit but then I would be intrigued about why. That would take our e-friendship in a whole different direction. The flirtation would continue, probably, I am bi-curious online. But I'd want to know more about the why of the charade.
What do you get out of lying to someone about who you are? Eventually the person finds out and you face stinging rejection. Why put yourself through that emotional pain?
So anyway, I got off on a tangent, I ended up calling him. My voice leaves no doubt I am all woman. The day a man can do my voice...I don't know what I'll do but I find it highly unlikely that a man could do my voice or a voice as feminine as mine.
I'm just glad My Obsession liked my voice. Though, I do have others in my reportoire of voices. I have no idea where this gift for changing the timbre of my voice came from but it has amused and amazed many people.
Depending on how well we get to know each other, he may even get to hear a couple of my accents.
*wink and tips water bottle at monitor*
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
And this is how it ends...
Well, I did what I said I would not do.
I dropped My Obsession an email. And he didn’t respond. *sigh* So it’s official. I have been brushed off.
I am sitting here trying to figure out how I feel about it. I guess I am a little sad. But otherwise, I feel fine. *shrug* I wasn’t in love or anything. I just ain’t falling in love with a picture I met online. I just don’t see it happening. But I did like the guy. So I lost an e-buddy. I guess since I’ve been chatting with him less than six months I didn’t have too much invested in this e-relationship. So, it’s not that hard to let go.
Last night after I got finished my last post I was quite toasted (somewhere between tipsy and drunk). It was either the email or the phone call. The email I could control. A phone call I could not control so I settled for the lesser of the two evils. *lqtms*
I didn’t rant or rave or get sappy. At least I don’t think so. And I laid out what I could handle right now. Then I laid back in my bed and waited for a reply and almost promptly fell asleep. Slept like a baby, too, all the way thru the night.
I woke up Sunday morning around 8:30 am and saw he had not replied and thought to myself “Well smooches to you then, babe.” He’s a night owl who is pretty prompt in responding to my emails. So that pretty much settled it for me right there.
Now if I can just fight this urge to call him for the next couple of weeks I’ll be fine. *chuckle*
I wasn’t in love with him or anything. Yes, I really looked forward to his emails. I even set up my email account to text my cell when I got a message from him. But I get plenty of texts from my offline family and friends. All weekend when my cell went off I kept looking down expecting it to be him and it wasn’t. So there will be a readjustment period. But I know me well enough to know I just need to get through 2 weeks. By my birthday I should be good again. I am heading to New York to celebrate so by the time I get back I should be good.
But at least I have learned that the next time I find an online obsession to just lay down the rules and if he is willing to abide by them then make him stick to them. No waffling back and forth. That was wasted energy and time on both our parts.
No, hard feelings in the least and I wish him the best.
*tips water bottle at the monitor*
I dropped My Obsession an email. And he didn’t respond. *sigh* So it’s official. I have been brushed off.
I am sitting here trying to figure out how I feel about it. I guess I am a little sad. But otherwise, I feel fine. *shrug* I wasn’t in love or anything. I just ain’t falling in love with a picture I met online. I just don’t see it happening. But I did like the guy. So I lost an e-buddy. I guess since I’ve been chatting with him less than six months I didn’t have too much invested in this e-relationship. So, it’s not that hard to let go.
Last night after I got finished my last post I was quite toasted (somewhere between tipsy and drunk). It was either the email or the phone call. The email I could control. A phone call I could not control so I settled for the lesser of the two evils. *lqtms*
I didn’t rant or rave or get sappy. At least I don’t think so. And I laid out what I could handle right now. Then I laid back in my bed and waited for a reply and almost promptly fell asleep. Slept like a baby, too, all the way thru the night.
I woke up Sunday morning around 8:30 am and saw he had not replied and thought to myself “Well smooches to you then, babe.” He’s a night owl who is pretty prompt in responding to my emails. So that pretty much settled it for me right there.
Now if I can just fight this urge to call him for the next couple of weeks I’ll be fine. *chuckle*
I wasn’t in love with him or anything. Yes, I really looked forward to his emails. I even set up my email account to text my cell when I got a message from him. But I get plenty of texts from my offline family and friends. All weekend when my cell went off I kept looking down expecting it to be him and it wasn’t. So there will be a readjustment period. But I know me well enough to know I just need to get through 2 weeks. By my birthday I should be good again. I am heading to New York to celebrate so by the time I get back I should be good.
But at least I have learned that the next time I find an online obsession to just lay down the rules and if he is willing to abide by them then make him stick to them. No waffling back and forth. That was wasted energy and time on both our parts.
No, hard feelings in the least and I wish him the best.
*tips water bottle at the monitor*
Friday, November 27, 2009
The Vault
I am a vault. That’s what My Obsession said. He said that I am a vault. That I am secretive. That I share nothing with him.
*Spock-like eyebrow raise*
I am confused. What exactly am I supposed to share with an avatar? I mean, it’s a cute avatar, but it’s still an avatar. As far as I know, that could be someone else’s picture and he wants me to spill my whole life to him?
*scratching head* Is he fa realz?
Me and my BFL have known each other since we were both 10 years old and we are still discovering each other’s secrets. We just not 90 days ago admitted some things about our fathers that we had never shared. With anyone! Not even my counselor!
*shrug* I am not a real sharing type of person. I am a listener. That’s what I do. I listen. People talk to me and tell me their all. People very rarely want to know my all.
I mean that’s how it seems to me. People usually ask me how I am doing. I say fine and redirect the conversation back to them. People love to talk about themselves. I let them. *shrug* That is all.
It’s not that I don’t have stuff to share. It’s not that I don’t have a life to talk about. It’s just that…I don’t really let people get close enough to cause me harm. There are a lot of people out there who seem to thrive off of hurting others anyway they can. Some people do it inadvertently. I’ve just learned to protect myself from both the accidental and malicious.
So, spilling my life to a picture, albeit a very sexy picture, I met on the internet ain’t happening after less than six months of email.
So that got me thinking back over my relationships. People always seem to want more from me than I want to give. I mean, after the last two men that came through my life the last thing I am looking for right now is anything serious. I was looking for fun and I thought My Obsession was too. But he actually wants to know things about me. Real things.
*BIG SIGH* I am not interested in reality while online.
Why is it that my situations are always mismatched? Why is it that when I am looking for something more than fun do I meet people who just wanna keep it light? Then when I am looking to just have fun I meet people who want something with depth from me?
*Charlie Brown missing the football AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!*
So now what do I do? To think, I was just about to woman up and call my therapist. Well, I probably still need to do that anyway. *chuckle*
He threw at me stuff about people out there who are up to no good. And I threw back at him what had I asked that could lead to me causing him any harm. I mean, I ask very little about him! He asked me what I do for a living and I gave him my job description. My job calls me an analyst but most days I feel like a glorified secretary. I gave him the short version of that description by saying I review contractual documents and budgets to make sure everything is as it should be. Ok, quid pro quo. I asked him and he sidestepped the question.
Ok…wtf?
Still, I chuckled to myself and let it slide. That was the last truly personal question I ever asked him. I thought we were keeping it light. But he keeps pushing for pictures and a phone call. I said I was thinking about it. Then I thought, what the heck, I’ll send him a picture of one eye. Slowly but surely I'd send him a puzzle until he got my whole picture. No, I can never do things simply. My family was taking family pictures and we even got a disk. I was set to download my picture and send him said eye when he just started pushing me.
*side eye left, side eye right*
Yeah, that’s a big no no. Unless it’s a life and death situation, pushing me to do something I am reluctant to do will make me dig in my heals. Suddenly, my flexible side went hard and cold as ice and my suspicious side was let loose.
I mean why is it such a big deal all of a sudden to have my picture and have me call? I said I was thinking about it. He said, it was fine and we could just be anonymous.
I mean, has he even thought about this from my point of view? Cuz I have from his.
What I know about him:
1. He has a sexy avatar that may or may not be his. He says it’s his. I have no way of verifying this.
2. He may or may not live outside the US. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
3. He may or may not be divorced and be bestest friends with his ex-wife. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
4. He may or may not have family in NY. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
5. He may or may not have children. He says no. I have no way of verifying this.
6. He may or may not have a house with a metal roof. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
7. The name he gave may or may not be his real name. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
Ok, that’s it. That’s all I got. And I am supposed to trust him with all my vital information? After being stalked twice?
Yeah…riiiiight…*15 minute cocktail break*
I even Googled his name…do you know how many men came up under his results? Too many.
Now, if you Google my name? Heh heh, you are gonna come up with far too few women for me to be just passing my info around willy nilly.
Yes, he told me he’s not a stalker. Ok, I am sure my last two stalkers didn’t think they were stalkers either. I bet my next door neighbor (who happened to be my landlord’s cousin) thought he had every right to come into my apartment while I was out and adjust my blinds so he could watch me, move my things, drop cigarette butts in my toilet, etc. I bet he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong at all!
*getting a little pissed now*
I bet Perry thought he was perfectly in his right to follow me around town. I had, after all, given him my phone number. Yeah! I bet he didn’t think of himself as crazy or out of line at all!
Crazy people never do. That’s why our sorry assed criminal justice system doesn’t treat them the same as sane folks.
All that to say, telling me you are not a stalker really isn’t convincing. At…All. That’s something that comes from the building of trust.
I am not looking for anything heavy or deep right now. I thought he understood that.
Well, after I responded with my question asking him what have I done that would suggest that I mean him harm and stated that indeed I am a good little secret keeper and I would have to think his requests over he went QUIET on me. I mean all communication has ceased!
After a couple days, I actually picked up the international calling card with the intention of calling him. Then, I stopped and really thought about it.
Ok, one thing I do know is that I have daddy issues. Thanks to my daddy I know it is absolutely useless to try to get a man to stay with you. How my father could look into my little tear stained face and leave me when I begged him to stay, I’ll never know. I know. I know. He and my mother probably had their problems. They took those secrets to the grave with them. Such is life.
But never once while he was breaking my little heart did he tell me he loved me or that he would be back and that it would be ok. That I would be ok and that he would be there if I needed him. Thus, I learned you can’t rely on men for anything.
So, if he wants to bounce *shrug* then the right thing to do is let him go. It was fun for awhile and it was what it was.
I gotta look after me. After what I have gone thru, enough is enough. I need some me time to get my head right again. To trust me again.
I was just looking for some fun and some place to put some of this pent up sexual energy. Hey! Just cuz my head is a little messed up don’t mean that I don’t still get horny. Our talks gave me somewhere to focus all that pent of energy. And there’s a lot of it! I feel sorry for the guy I finally unleash it all on. *chuckle* No I don’t. I am just gonna have to get him to sign a waiver lol.
I know. My Obsession could be sick or something. Well, after a few days, I checked the forum where I met him and he is on there being his usual self. So, *shrug* it is what it is. And what it is is a rather rude brush off.
After the conversations we have had I would have expected better from him than a silent brush off.
Oh well. Better luck next try.
*cues up Take me as I am by Mary J Blige and tips tall liquor filled glass at monitor*
*Spock-like eyebrow raise*
I am confused. What exactly am I supposed to share with an avatar? I mean, it’s a cute avatar, but it’s still an avatar. As far as I know, that could be someone else’s picture and he wants me to spill my whole life to him?
*scratching head* Is he fa realz?
Me and my BFL have known each other since we were both 10 years old and we are still discovering each other’s secrets. We just not 90 days ago admitted some things about our fathers that we had never shared. With anyone! Not even my counselor!
*shrug* I am not a real sharing type of person. I am a listener. That’s what I do. I listen. People talk to me and tell me their all. People very rarely want to know my all.
I mean that’s how it seems to me. People usually ask me how I am doing. I say fine and redirect the conversation back to them. People love to talk about themselves. I let them. *shrug* That is all.
It’s not that I don’t have stuff to share. It’s not that I don’t have a life to talk about. It’s just that…I don’t really let people get close enough to cause me harm. There are a lot of people out there who seem to thrive off of hurting others anyway they can. Some people do it inadvertently. I’ve just learned to protect myself from both the accidental and malicious.
So, spilling my life to a picture, albeit a very sexy picture, I met on the internet ain’t happening after less than six months of email.
So that got me thinking back over my relationships. People always seem to want more from me than I want to give. I mean, after the last two men that came through my life the last thing I am looking for right now is anything serious. I was looking for fun and I thought My Obsession was too. But he actually wants to know things about me. Real things.
*BIG SIGH* I am not interested in reality while online.
Why is it that my situations are always mismatched? Why is it that when I am looking for something more than fun do I meet people who just wanna keep it light? Then when I am looking to just have fun I meet people who want something with depth from me?
*Charlie Brown missing the football AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!*
So now what do I do? To think, I was just about to woman up and call my therapist. Well, I probably still need to do that anyway. *chuckle*
He threw at me stuff about people out there who are up to no good. And I threw back at him what had I asked that could lead to me causing him any harm. I mean, I ask very little about him! He asked me what I do for a living and I gave him my job description. My job calls me an analyst but most days I feel like a glorified secretary. I gave him the short version of that description by saying I review contractual documents and budgets to make sure everything is as it should be. Ok, quid pro quo. I asked him and he sidestepped the question.
Ok…wtf?
Still, I chuckled to myself and let it slide. That was the last truly personal question I ever asked him. I thought we were keeping it light. But he keeps pushing for pictures and a phone call. I said I was thinking about it. Then I thought, what the heck, I’ll send him a picture of one eye. Slowly but surely I'd send him a puzzle until he got my whole picture. No, I can never do things simply. My family was taking family pictures and we even got a disk. I was set to download my picture and send him said eye when he just started pushing me.
*side eye left, side eye right*
Yeah, that’s a big no no. Unless it’s a life and death situation, pushing me to do something I am reluctant to do will make me dig in my heals. Suddenly, my flexible side went hard and cold as ice and my suspicious side was let loose.
I mean why is it such a big deal all of a sudden to have my picture and have me call? I said I was thinking about it. He said, it was fine and we could just be anonymous.
I mean, has he even thought about this from my point of view? Cuz I have from his.
What I know about him:
1. He has a sexy avatar that may or may not be his. He says it’s his. I have no way of verifying this.
2. He may or may not live outside the US. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
3. He may or may not be divorced and be bestest friends with his ex-wife. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
4. He may or may not have family in NY. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
5. He may or may not have children. He says no. I have no way of verifying this.
6. He may or may not have a house with a metal roof. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
7. The name he gave may or may not be his real name. He says yes. I have no way of verifying this.
Ok, that’s it. That’s all I got. And I am supposed to trust him with all my vital information? After being stalked twice?
Yeah…riiiiight…*15 minute cocktail break*
I even Googled his name…do you know how many men came up under his results? Too many.
Now, if you Google my name? Heh heh, you are gonna come up with far too few women for me to be just passing my info around willy nilly.
Yes, he told me he’s not a stalker. Ok, I am sure my last two stalkers didn’t think they were stalkers either. I bet my next door neighbor (who happened to be my landlord’s cousin) thought he had every right to come into my apartment while I was out and adjust my blinds so he could watch me, move my things, drop cigarette butts in my toilet, etc. I bet he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong at all!
*getting a little pissed now*
I bet Perry thought he was perfectly in his right to follow me around town. I had, after all, given him my phone number. Yeah! I bet he didn’t think of himself as crazy or out of line at all!
Crazy people never do. That’s why our sorry assed criminal justice system doesn’t treat them the same as sane folks.
All that to say, telling me you are not a stalker really isn’t convincing. At…All. That’s something that comes from the building of trust.
I am not looking for anything heavy or deep right now. I thought he understood that.
Well, after I responded with my question asking him what have I done that would suggest that I mean him harm and stated that indeed I am a good little secret keeper and I would have to think his requests over he went QUIET on me. I mean all communication has ceased!
After a couple days, I actually picked up the international calling card with the intention of calling him. Then, I stopped and really thought about it.
Ok, one thing I do know is that I have daddy issues. Thanks to my daddy I know it is absolutely useless to try to get a man to stay with you. How my father could look into my little tear stained face and leave me when I begged him to stay, I’ll never know. I know. I know. He and my mother probably had their problems. They took those secrets to the grave with them. Such is life.
But never once while he was breaking my little heart did he tell me he loved me or that he would be back and that it would be ok. That I would be ok and that he would be there if I needed him. Thus, I learned you can’t rely on men for anything.
So, if he wants to bounce *shrug* then the right thing to do is let him go. It was fun for awhile and it was what it was.
I gotta look after me. After what I have gone thru, enough is enough. I need some me time to get my head right again. To trust me again.
I was just looking for some fun and some place to put some of this pent up sexual energy. Hey! Just cuz my head is a little messed up don’t mean that I don’t still get horny. Our talks gave me somewhere to focus all that pent of energy. And there’s a lot of it! I feel sorry for the guy I finally unleash it all on. *chuckle* No I don’t. I am just gonna have to get him to sign a waiver lol.
I know. My Obsession could be sick or something. Well, after a few days, I checked the forum where I met him and he is on there being his usual self. So, *shrug* it is what it is. And what it is is a rather rude brush off.
After the conversations we have had I would have expected better from him than a silent brush off.
Oh well. Better luck next try.
*cues up Take me as I am by Mary J Blige and tips tall liquor filled glass at monitor*
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The worst thing about being single
You know what I think in my very humble opinion is the singular problem with being single? People who aren’t single.
Truth.
I spent most of my younger years trying to explain to people who either weren’t single or were single and trying very hard not to be single as soon as possible why I am in no hurry to be coupled up. Today, I just ain’t that into explaining myself to people. Either you get me or you don’t. *shrug* Love me or leave me. I’ll still respect you regardless.
I want a great relationship with a good man but I have never been in a rush. I take my time getting to know each man who enters my life. Everyone, including me, is fantastic when you are first getting to know them but bay…be, 6 months down the road (if that long) you start wondering what drug this nutcase slipped you that you hooked up with them in the first place. Were you wrong about them all along? Have aliens kidnapped them and dropped off an alien clone to replace them?
No, what happened is the newness of the relationship wore off and a reality set in.
Ok, I can do reality but damn some of the reality that people think I should put up with ain’t the type of reality that me, myself, and Project Bytch are interested in putting up with. I mean, I am no cake walk myself.
Exhibit A: I am not a morning person.
But no one outside of my immediate family knows that. I have never lived with a man so not even any of the men I have dated know that. Don’t ask how I have accomplished this, maybe I am just a great actress. *shrug* Now should we spend the weekend together, ok, we are waking up when we feel like. But during the work week? When that evil azz alarm clock goes off? Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, hell don’t even breathe in my direction. Ok?
It’s not hormonal. I just don’t like waking up before the sun.
I can’t imagine putting a poor man through that now. I can be an evil bytch first thing in the morning Monday thru Friday. I am so bad that my mother once asked a guy who came to pick me up “What do you want with my evil daughter?” RIP Moms and sorry about suffering my evil azz every morning!
A man marrying me not knowing this and not being able to tell me “Babe, quit your job. I got this.” would have to wonder what the hell happened to the sweet, generous, caring woman he met before the wedding.
She’s still here. She just doesn’t show up until after 10 am weekdays and she’s here all weekend. Unless someone loses their mind and asks me to take them to the airport for an early flight on the weekend. Then you can all kiss her happy azz goodbye. *chuckle* It is what it is. I don’t apologize for it cuz it ain’t me. It’s totally a biological thing. That and the fact that if previous lives existed then in my past life I was a pampered spoiled Egyptian princess.
That’s not my only quirk but I think that is the worst. Though, if a man knows my Achilles heel he can get around this quirk. HINT: Waking up in the middle of an orgasm can change my whole attitude. Truth.
I will bounce into work so dang happy that I literally have pissed people off at how chipper I am. *chuckle* And will hum Hate on Me by Jill Scott just to add fuel to the fire.
Yeah, I know I’m a stinker. Not my fault I seek out my bliss every chance I get. And sometimes I find it.
So I am not at all positive that the advice my friends give me regarding men is all that…altruistic.
I remember once we were discussing the age old question of penis size. I stated quite honestly that I have never had sex with a guy whose penis I considered small. One of my good girlfriends wished I’d meet one and the others laughed. I don’t see what is supposed to be funny about that. Especially, as bitter as they all were about it. *shrug* I can’t see wishing ill like that on a friend.
Said girlfriends seem to condone the following: Having a crackhead in my life is supposed to be acceptable. Also, having a guy with multiple baby mommas is supposed to be acceptable, too. And if he doesn’t have a job, I’m supposed to roll with that, also. If he gives you a STD, that’s ok, too. And if his sexual orientation is questionable that’s supposed to be acceptable, also. My only concern, judging from my girlfriends attitudes, should be whether he’s good in bed. *blink blink*
True Story:
My girl had a family member she wanted me to meet. He had just gotten out of jail and was already working hard as a mechanic. He was trying to get his life together and needed a good woman by his side. She said.
Ok, everyone makes mistakes and he seemed like he had learned from his.
I asked him why he had been in jail. Need your full name and date of birth and charges. Took my azz right down to the courthouse to look up his criminal record to verify ish. What? No, I don’t take ish like that just at ANYONE’S word. I don’t have kids but I have a lot of kids around me and people trust me with their kids. I want to make sure I don’t pick up a known sexual predator.
His turned out to be a theft charge from his employer. He lived, he learned, he did his time and now it was time to move on.
Ok, we speak on the phone a bit and then he disappears. Ok, brother was fine! Came out the cut (prison) all fine and thick and WHEW! *fanning myself remembering*. I have always taken my time and just cuz he was family of a friend of mine didn’t change jack. So I could imagine some other woman had fallen into bed with him a whole lot quicker than me. To each their own.
So about six weeks later I stop by my friend’s house. I walk in and this skinny dude with his front uppers missing is like, “Hey woman! Where you been?”
I am thinking fast on my feet and talking to him while I am trying to figure out who he is and how he knows me, because he called me by name and I had no clue who he was. Then I noticed that his voice sounded familiar. So I just concentrated on that. He hugged me and went out the room. As he did, it dawned on me who he was. My girl’s fam who she was trying to hook me up with.
Hold the effing phone!
As soon as he leaves the room I make a beeline for her.
I am whispering “Girl! Is that D?”
She nods sadly. “I know. I was so hoping he would stay off that stuff with a good woman by his side.”
Ummmm…didn’t she think that was something she should have told me? Then the whole story comes out. He was using when he stole from his employer to feed his habit.
Yeah, he had a girl alright and her name is Crack.
Don’t judge me either for dating an ex-con. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. I actually know a couple success stories of guys who come out of prison and change their lives. Just a few though. And years later, my girl’s fam is not one of them. Crack is still his best girl.
I got way to many stories like that. *side eye left, side eye right* Hmm, I may need to cut some more "friends" from the herd.
I just know that as long as someone isn’t trying to convince me that I should be bending over backwards to get a man then I am content. Heck, sometimes I am downright happy. Especially when I listen to all these coupled up, tripled up, and quadrupled up women complaining about the man or men in their lives. Truth: I have a girlfriend who has 3 boyfriends. They all know about each other and all three are trying to be the last man standing. And all three of them get on her nerves most of the time. *chuckle*
One man will do me nicely, thank you very much. I tried dating three men at once one time. I couldn’t keep their names straight for nothing in the world. Then people wanted to give me advice about that! Sheesh! How about I date one man at a time and hope I find a man someday that will add to my happiness? If not, how about y’all just let my content and sometimes happy single azz be me?
*totally unconcerned shrug* You know I am going to be me on general principal, anyway.
Truth.
I spent most of my younger years trying to explain to people who either weren’t single or were single and trying very hard not to be single as soon as possible why I am in no hurry to be coupled up. Today, I just ain’t that into explaining myself to people. Either you get me or you don’t. *shrug* Love me or leave me. I’ll still respect you regardless.
I want a great relationship with a good man but I have never been in a rush. I take my time getting to know each man who enters my life. Everyone, including me, is fantastic when you are first getting to know them but bay…be, 6 months down the road (if that long) you start wondering what drug this nutcase slipped you that you hooked up with them in the first place. Were you wrong about them all along? Have aliens kidnapped them and dropped off an alien clone to replace them?
No, what happened is the newness of the relationship wore off and a reality set in.
Ok, I can do reality but damn some of the reality that people think I should put up with ain’t the type of reality that me, myself, and Project Bytch are interested in putting up with. I mean, I am no cake walk myself.
Exhibit A: I am not a morning person.
But no one outside of my immediate family knows that. I have never lived with a man so not even any of the men I have dated know that. Don’t ask how I have accomplished this, maybe I am just a great actress. *shrug* Now should we spend the weekend together, ok, we are waking up when we feel like. But during the work week? When that evil azz alarm clock goes off? Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, hell don’t even breathe in my direction. Ok?
It’s not hormonal. I just don’t like waking up before the sun.
I can’t imagine putting a poor man through that now. I can be an evil bytch first thing in the morning Monday thru Friday. I am so bad that my mother once asked a guy who came to pick me up “What do you want with my evil daughter?” RIP Moms and sorry about suffering my evil azz every morning!
A man marrying me not knowing this and not being able to tell me “Babe, quit your job. I got this.” would have to wonder what the hell happened to the sweet, generous, caring woman he met before the wedding.
She’s still here. She just doesn’t show up until after 10 am weekdays and she’s here all weekend. Unless someone loses their mind and asks me to take them to the airport for an early flight on the weekend. Then you can all kiss her happy azz goodbye. *chuckle* It is what it is. I don’t apologize for it cuz it ain’t me. It’s totally a biological thing. That and the fact that if previous lives existed then in my past life I was a pampered spoiled Egyptian princess.
That’s not my only quirk but I think that is the worst. Though, if a man knows my Achilles heel he can get around this quirk. HINT: Waking up in the middle of an orgasm can change my whole attitude. Truth.
I will bounce into work so dang happy that I literally have pissed people off at how chipper I am. *chuckle* And will hum Hate on Me by Jill Scott just to add fuel to the fire.
Yeah, I know I’m a stinker. Not my fault I seek out my bliss every chance I get. And sometimes I find it.
So I am not at all positive that the advice my friends give me regarding men is all that…altruistic.
I remember once we were discussing the age old question of penis size. I stated quite honestly that I have never had sex with a guy whose penis I considered small. One of my good girlfriends wished I’d meet one and the others laughed. I don’t see what is supposed to be funny about that. Especially, as bitter as they all were about it. *shrug* I can’t see wishing ill like that on a friend.
Said girlfriends seem to condone the following: Having a crackhead in my life is supposed to be acceptable. Also, having a guy with multiple baby mommas is supposed to be acceptable, too. And if he doesn’t have a job, I’m supposed to roll with that, also. If he gives you a STD, that’s ok, too. And if his sexual orientation is questionable that’s supposed to be acceptable, also. My only concern, judging from my girlfriends attitudes, should be whether he’s good in bed. *blink blink*
True Story:
My girl had a family member she wanted me to meet. He had just gotten out of jail and was already working hard as a mechanic. He was trying to get his life together and needed a good woman by his side. She said.
Ok, everyone makes mistakes and he seemed like he had learned from his.
I asked him why he had been in jail. Need your full name and date of birth and charges. Took my azz right down to the courthouse to look up his criminal record to verify ish. What? No, I don’t take ish like that just at ANYONE’S word. I don’t have kids but I have a lot of kids around me and people trust me with their kids. I want to make sure I don’t pick up a known sexual predator.
His turned out to be a theft charge from his employer. He lived, he learned, he did his time and now it was time to move on.
Ok, we speak on the phone a bit and then he disappears. Ok, brother was fine! Came out the cut (prison) all fine and thick and WHEW! *fanning myself remembering*. I have always taken my time and just cuz he was family of a friend of mine didn’t change jack. So I could imagine some other woman had fallen into bed with him a whole lot quicker than me. To each their own.
So about six weeks later I stop by my friend’s house. I walk in and this skinny dude with his front uppers missing is like, “Hey woman! Where you been?”
I am thinking fast on my feet and talking to him while I am trying to figure out who he is and how he knows me, because he called me by name and I had no clue who he was. Then I noticed that his voice sounded familiar. So I just concentrated on that. He hugged me and went out the room. As he did, it dawned on me who he was. My girl’s fam who she was trying to hook me up with.
Hold the effing phone!
As soon as he leaves the room I make a beeline for her.
I am whispering “Girl! Is that D?”
She nods sadly. “I know. I was so hoping he would stay off that stuff with a good woman by his side.”
Ummmm…didn’t she think that was something she should have told me? Then the whole story comes out. He was using when he stole from his employer to feed his habit.
Yeah, he had a girl alright and her name is Crack.
Don’t judge me either for dating an ex-con. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. I actually know a couple success stories of guys who come out of prison and change their lives. Just a few though. And years later, my girl’s fam is not one of them. Crack is still his best girl.
I got way to many stories like that. *side eye left, side eye right* Hmm, I may need to cut some more "friends" from the herd.
I just know that as long as someone isn’t trying to convince me that I should be bending over backwards to get a man then I am content. Heck, sometimes I am downright happy. Especially when I listen to all these coupled up, tripled up, and quadrupled up women complaining about the man or men in their lives. Truth: I have a girlfriend who has 3 boyfriends. They all know about each other and all three are trying to be the last man standing. And all three of them get on her nerves most of the time. *chuckle*
One man will do me nicely, thank you very much. I tried dating three men at once one time. I couldn’t keep their names straight for nothing in the world. Then people wanted to give me advice about that! Sheesh! How about I date one man at a time and hope I find a man someday that will add to my happiness? If not, how about y’all just let my content and sometimes happy single azz be me?
*totally unconcerned shrug* You know I am going to be me on general principal, anyway.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Time on The Block
So I took that walk down to The Block last week and the only unpleasant thing I saw was an old hooker/stripper who convinced me that after a certain age it doesn't matter how medical science enhances you, you can still be too old to be a hooker/stripper.
That was until I saw a scraggly looking guy trying to pick her up. Ew *shudder* Bless they hearts, some men will have sex with anything with a pulse. That is not a bad thing...I think...*shudder* Let me not think too much about that. Almost got a mental picture of them two doing it. *gag*
He was wearing a grey felt bowler hat, grey pinstripe suit, and grey wingtip shoes. I had to duck in a store to catch my breath! Cuz I didn't wanna get pimp slapped for laughing in his face.
Then it would have been me on news at 11 cuz the Project Bytch in me would not have been contained. I know that someone in my family is gonna be the third one of us to make the local news, but I am not trying to have it be me.
That falls into another goal of mine, stay off the Jerry Springer show. *chuckle*
Anyway, walking around on the block reminded me of the job interview I had down there once. No, I did not know I was headed to the The Block for the interview.
Let me explain. The Block, Baltimore's red light district is one city block of tiddy bars/strip clubs and peep shows. That's it. Just one city block. The rest of it is respectable businesses, a hospital and even homes. It is located on Baltimore Street. Nope, I ain't joking. The police station is located in the following block from The Block. *smh* I have no idea whose bright idea it was but there it sits to this very day. It was there before I was born and it may be there after I am dust. There was talk of moving it but then, hey, where would the military go when they roll into town.
No, I ain't joking...I have seent it with my own two little brown eyes. And I was totally shocked when I was younger. But people paid them no mind like it was the most natural thing and after a time so did I.
Anyways, I was looking for a part time evening gig and saw an ad in the paper for a cashier in a book store with a phone number and an address. I never paid any attention to what block numbers The Block resided in and I am so glad I didn't. Otherwise I would have missed out on one of the most entertaining job interviews ever.
I called. Spoke to the manager and made an appointment to come in for an interview. He sounded professional on the phone and responded to me in a professional manner. Not at all what my little narrow mind would have suspected a manager/proprietor of one of The Block's establishments to sound like. If you had ever seen some of the hawkers and patrons on The Block you would totally understand why I would not have expected an air of professionalism from this guy.
So I dress in my interview best navy suit, stockings and medium pumps and unknowingly head on down to The Block.
I get down to Baltimore Street via the metro/subway. Depending on what generation you belong to you'll either call it the subway, its first name. Or the metro, after the city tried to get sophisticated. smh
I walk down the street looking at the street numbers on the building. Hey, I am in the 200 Block when I get off the subway. Cool...so I think.
I walked past many legitimate looking businesses but still no book store. I walk all the way down to the beginning of The Block. I stop at the intersection and look around confused, wondering if I had missed the bookstore.
Then I look in my purse to check the address again. Then I look at the numbers on the buildings on The Block. Sure enough, the peep show/sex emporium facing me across the street is 401 Baltimore Street. I get a sinking feeling as I look opposite 401 and see 400 Baltimore Street is indeed a book store. An adult XXX bookstore/peep show.
I am quite sure my jaw dropped. The manager hadn't said a thing about it being an adult book store, let alone a peep show!
I stood there for a while wondering what to do. This was pre-cell phone mind you. I was raised a very proper southern belle. It would have been rude to just blow off the interview without a phone call and polite excuse. smh
So, I womaned up as best I could. I waited for the traffic lights to change. No jay walking to get to this interview.
I stood before the door in dread. What would I find in there? Who would I find in there? Were there peep shows going on in the front of the store and books in the middle? What had I done to deserve this humiliation?
Then I suddenly realized I was standing on The Block in broad daylight and someone I know might see me standing in front of the peep show/book store.
That got me moving! I forged in without a backward glance!
I walked in and found that at the front of the store it was pretty much like any other book store, except for the naked people on the book/magazine covers, lewd book marks, XXX videos, and sex toys. Other than that, it was pretty much like any other book store you go into. *snicker*
I quickly scanned the store looking for a manager or sales person so I could get this interview over and get out of there quickly. Directly to my right was a counter that had to be raised about 4 feet off the floor. I looked up at the white chick behind the counter and told her I was there for an interview.
She yells toward the back of the store for the manager. I look in the direction she is yelling. There in the back of the store is a curtained off area, green, faded, and old. A 30ish dark haired white guy comes out slowly and walks over to me. Looking around at the few patrons there in the daylight hours he couldn't help but guess the smartly dressed black chick was his applicant.
I looked at the curtains again and then around the store hoping to see a door that led to his office. I wasn't going back behind that curtain no matter how rude it seemed.
The manager had other ideas that had nothing, thank goodness, to do with the curtain. He introduced himself very professionally and shook my hand. You know I didn't want to touch his hand but again, well raised polite southern belle. Besides, I could wash my hands at McDs afterwards.
He motions me to follow him down a side aisle to my relief. I follow, looking around nervously all the time. The few men in the store refused to look at me and the girl behind the counter just looked bored.
Then about halfway down the dildo and vibrator aisle he just stopped. He faced me and started with the interview questions. They were normal at first, did I have a day job, what experience did I have cashiering, what time could I come in. Simple.
Then they turned personal: Where did I live, did I have a car, where would I park, who do I live with, do I have a boyfriend. Strange questions and I answered every one he asked without telling him it wasn't his business.
You know why? Cuz every voice in my head including the Project Bytch was screaming with laughter. Remember I said we stopped in the dildo/vibrator aisle. Well, directly over the manager's shoulder was a dildo shaped like the president current for that year. President William Jefferson Clinton!
He's asking me questions and I am answering with I imagine a blank stare. Cuz in my head were all kinds of questions. Like does Bill know? Does Bill endorse this? Does Hilary know? Does Hil have one? Did Bill use one on Monica? Do they get a cut of the profits?
Oh the questions! And the questions were threatening me with the giggles at any moment.
The interview ended and I left. I don't remember what I did beyond finding someplace to sit down and laugh afterwards. I imagine people probably looked at me strangely but that day I put propriety aside and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I didn't take the job and not because I thought it beneath me. I suddenly saw that this might actually be fun and it would definitely give me some giggles. The problem was the manager. He wanted me to take off a couple days from my day job to work days so he could watch me. Watch me do what? That coupled with the personal questions he asked put me off the job.
I got the feeling they wanted me to do more than just bag purchases and take people's money. Every few months or so I would see the ad back in the paper for the exact same address and phone number and laugh quietly to myself.
That was until I saw a scraggly looking guy trying to pick her up. Ew *shudder* Bless they hearts, some men will have sex with anything with a pulse. That is not a bad thing...I think...*shudder* Let me not think too much about that. Almost got a mental picture of them two doing it. *gag*
That means neither me nor my girls can be tricking forever. I got a great bookkeeper and financial advisor. I should be able to retire by 50 from tricking and just be the Head Trick in Charge (HTIC). So I continued kicking the idea around.
So Monday, I took another walk down The Block and I seent...a monochrome pimp. *TweetyBird voice* Yes I did! I did! I did taw a monochrome pimp!
*chuckling*He was wearing a grey felt bowler hat, grey pinstripe suit, and grey wingtip shoes. I had to duck in a store to catch my breath! Cuz I didn't wanna get pimp slapped for laughing in his face.
Then it would have been me on news at 11 cuz the Project Bytch in me would not have been contained. I know that someone in my family is gonna be the third one of us to make the local news, but I am not trying to have it be me.
That falls into another goal of mine, stay off the Jerry Springer show. *chuckle*
Anyway, walking around on the block reminded me of the job interview I had down there once. No, I did not know I was headed to the The Block for the interview.
Let me explain. The Block, Baltimore's red light district is one city block of tiddy bars/strip clubs and peep shows. That's it. Just one city block. The rest of it is respectable businesses, a hospital and even homes. It is located on Baltimore Street. Nope, I ain't joking. The police station is located in the following block from The Block. *smh* I have no idea whose bright idea it was but there it sits to this very day. It was there before I was born and it may be there after I am dust. There was talk of moving it but then, hey, where would the military go when they roll into town.
No, I ain't joking...I have seent it with my own two little brown eyes. And I was totally shocked when I was younger. But people paid them no mind like it was the most natural thing and after a time so did I.
Anyways, I was looking for a part time evening gig and saw an ad in the paper for a cashier in a book store with a phone number and an address. I never paid any attention to what block numbers The Block resided in and I am so glad I didn't. Otherwise I would have missed out on one of the most entertaining job interviews ever.
I called. Spoke to the manager and made an appointment to come in for an interview. He sounded professional on the phone and responded to me in a professional manner. Not at all what my little narrow mind would have suspected a manager/proprietor of one of The Block's establishments to sound like. If you had ever seen some of the hawkers and patrons on The Block you would totally understand why I would not have expected an air of professionalism from this guy.
So I dress in my interview best navy suit, stockings and medium pumps and unknowingly head on down to The Block.
I get down to Baltimore Street via the metro/subway. Depending on what generation you belong to you'll either call it the subway, its first name. Or the metro, after the city tried to get sophisticated. smh
I walk down the street looking at the street numbers on the building. Hey, I am in the 200 Block when I get off the subway. Cool...so I think.
I walked past many legitimate looking businesses but still no book store. I walk all the way down to the beginning of The Block. I stop at the intersection and look around confused, wondering if I had missed the bookstore.
Then I look in my purse to check the address again. Then I look at the numbers on the buildings on The Block. Sure enough, the peep show/sex emporium facing me across the street is 401 Baltimore Street. I get a sinking feeling as I look opposite 401 and see 400 Baltimore Street is indeed a book store. An adult XXX bookstore/peep show.
I am quite sure my jaw dropped. The manager hadn't said a thing about it being an adult book store, let alone a peep show!
I stood there for a while wondering what to do. This was pre-cell phone mind you. I was raised a very proper southern belle. It would have been rude to just blow off the interview without a phone call and polite excuse. smh
So, I womaned up as best I could. I waited for the traffic lights to change. No jay walking to get to this interview.
I stood before the door in dread. What would I find in there? Who would I find in there? Were there peep shows going on in the front of the store and books in the middle? What had I done to deserve this humiliation?
Then I suddenly realized I was standing on The Block in broad daylight and someone I know might see me standing in front of the peep show/book store.
That got me moving! I forged in without a backward glance!
I walked in and found that at the front of the store it was pretty much like any other book store, except for the naked people on the book/magazine covers, lewd book marks, XXX videos, and sex toys. Other than that, it was pretty much like any other book store you go into. *snicker*
I quickly scanned the store looking for a manager or sales person so I could get this interview over and get out of there quickly. Directly to my right was a counter that had to be raised about 4 feet off the floor. I looked up at the white chick behind the counter and told her I was there for an interview.
She yells toward the back of the store for the manager. I look in the direction she is yelling. There in the back of the store is a curtained off area, green, faded, and old. A 30ish dark haired white guy comes out slowly and walks over to me. Looking around at the few patrons there in the daylight hours he couldn't help but guess the smartly dressed black chick was his applicant.
I looked at the curtains again and then around the store hoping to see a door that led to his office. I wasn't going back behind that curtain no matter how rude it seemed.
The manager had other ideas that had nothing, thank goodness, to do with the curtain. He introduced himself very professionally and shook my hand. You know I didn't want to touch his hand but again, well raised polite southern belle. Besides, I could wash my hands at McDs afterwards.
He motions me to follow him down a side aisle to my relief. I follow, looking around nervously all the time. The few men in the store refused to look at me and the girl behind the counter just looked bored.
Then about halfway down the dildo and vibrator aisle he just stopped. He faced me and started with the interview questions. They were normal at first, did I have a day job, what experience did I have cashiering, what time could I come in. Simple.
Then they turned personal: Where did I live, did I have a car, where would I park, who do I live with, do I have a boyfriend. Strange questions and I answered every one he asked without telling him it wasn't his business.
You know why? Cuz every voice in my head including the Project Bytch was screaming with laughter. Remember I said we stopped in the dildo/vibrator aisle. Well, directly over the manager's shoulder was a dildo shaped like the president current for that year. President William Jefferson Clinton!
He's asking me questions and I am answering with I imagine a blank stare. Cuz in my head were all kinds of questions. Like does Bill know? Does Bill endorse this? Does Hilary know? Does Hil have one? Did Bill use one on Monica? Do they get a cut of the profits?
Oh the questions! And the questions were threatening me with the giggles at any moment.
The interview ended and I left. I don't remember what I did beyond finding someplace to sit down and laugh afterwards. I imagine people probably looked at me strangely but that day I put propriety aside and laughed and laughed and laughed.
I didn't take the job and not because I thought it beneath me. I suddenly saw that this might actually be fun and it would definitely give me some giggles. The problem was the manager. He wanted me to take off a couple days from my day job to work days so he could watch me. Watch me do what? That coupled with the personal questions he asked put me off the job.
I got the feeling they wanted me to do more than just bag purchases and take people's money. Every few months or so I would see the ad back in the paper for the exact same address and phone number and laugh quietly to myself.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I am having one of those days...
I am having one of those days when moving to Vegas to open a legal and very exclusive bordello looks like such a good idea. I have discussed it with enough friends down through the years that I have a bookkeeper, IT personnel, and of course women to satisfy in various skin colors. We can cover most fetishes.
I even have a name for the place...but I'll keep it to myself just in case I actually DO decide to head west, somewhat young woman, head west.
Maybe I'll take a walk down The Block (Bmore's red light district) at lunch to try and convince myself that ho'ing ain't the way to go...
I even have a name for the place...but I'll keep it to myself just in case I actually DO decide to head west, somewhat young woman, head west.
Maybe I'll take a walk down The Block (Bmore's red light district) at lunch to try and convince myself that ho'ing ain't the way to go...
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Pathological Liar (TPL)
Why do I have this person in my life?
Quite simply becuz he makes me laugh. We are platonic friends and he makes me laugh. I have been told to kick him to the curb by my true friends. I thought about it but you know what? I know when my phone rings and I look down at caller ID and see his number I am about to laugh long and hard.
For that alone he has earned a place in my life and he is welcome to stay as long as he doesn’t turn toxic. And he can be.
Let me explain about TPL.
He is a person who believes that his life should be better than anyone else’s life. I have not guessed or surmised this with my superior (heh) intellect. He told me this himself. It took me a number of years to figure out that he will lie to make sure his life is better. I am just not sure if he believes the lie or not. *shrug*
True story: when gas prices first started to come down out of the stratosphere we were discussing the decline. I remarked that I had gassed up for $2.75/gal. He quipped in quick that gas on his side of town is $2.50/gal. I gave him a mean side eye and changed the subject. I watch the news and all the channels were once announcing where you could find the cheapest gas in town at that time it was $2.69/gal. It’s not good enough that he is getting something better. It has to be EXTRAORDINARILY better than whatever anyone else has. *smh and lqtms*
These lies get him through his day to day life, I guess, and I don’t have any need to call him on it. However, it has caused quite a number of people to fall away from him.
Our first lunch bunch back when I met him 10+ years ago was a multicultural group of 12+ of every skin color in the human rainbow. We would sit around that conference table and have a ball…until… *smh and frowning*
One day he told a blatant lie and tried to get me to back him in said lie, which I wouldn’t. But TPL has this knack of making people believe him. He gave everyone at the table a wise eye and said “Believe her if you want but I am telling you what I know.”
They all believed him. I shook my head and laughed cuz I didn’t see it as a personal attack. That was him flexing his power. Well the lie came to light as it usually does. Now this is how much he is liked until his lies are exposed, people tried to get mad at me.
I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet until you try to pin a lie on me. Uh-uh! EPIC FAIL! I flipped and let the Project Bytch loose for a minute and reminded everyone pissed that I had told them that he was lying and that they, EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM CHOSE to believe him over me without trying to investigate the truth on their own.
Everyone got quiet cuz I am usually the quiet one and I had just laid down the truth on them and it couldn’t be denied.
Our lunch bunch dwindled down to a threesome almost immediately. People did not like his lies. And I understand that. You are having fun and you go home to friends and family and regale them with stories of TPL only to find out that they are either half truths or all lies.
I take TPL for the here and now. I don’t go spreading the stories he tells me around…unless they are just that darn funny. Then I always preface them with “According to TPL”. Then it’s up to the listener whether to believe or discount the story. But it is always a good laugh. It’s a rarity cuz you never know how much is truth and how much is pure fiction.
His toxic side is just this: He will systematically destroy any relationship you have in your life if you let him.
Yes, I speak from experience. But luckily for me the relationship he destroyed is not one that I needed to keep anyway. I keep him away from the ones I want to keep.
As I said, our lunch bunch dwindled down to three. Me, TPL, and The Fabulous One (TFO). Me and TFO had struck up a friendship before even meeting TPL. Then TPL joined our twosome and those were, for a while, some of the most fun times I had ever had.
I love my girlz (my true friends) but they are a handful of crying, happy, sad, angry, terrified, mixed up, messed up, fabulous, loving, caring, crazy azzed heifers. All that emotion they bring me is tiresome sometimes. With me, TPL, and TFO it was all fun and giggles in the beginning.
I was the ever faithful sidekick to those two stars *chuckle* It was kinda like high school except now I was a sidekick instead of marching to my own beat.
TFO and I were pretty tight before we met TPL. We watched him and learned. TFO was so good at picking out his lies and taught me how to catch on to them.
Long story short (maybe I'll go into it on another post) even though we were armed with the knowledge of how he destroys other people's interpersonal relationships we still could not stop the ultimate break up and destruction of our own friendship.
TPL is just that good. He should work for the CIA or somebody. If only they could harness his talent for good.
It took me a while to write this one. Then I was talking to My Obsession this weekend and I suddenly knew what I wanted to say. What I need to explain about TPL is why I accept him for who he is.
See, 19 years ago his little sister was murdered by her boyfriend. At the time, his mother was battling cancer. The murder and then the refusal of the murderer to tell them where he hid her body broke his mother’s spirit. His mother gave up her battle with Cancer. Then a little more than a year later his father followed his wife to the grave.
So in the space of two years he lost his little sister, mother and father. He lost his sister horribly. He had to sit through a trial where the witness described dismembering his little sister.
*blinking tears* I know he is at the cemetery for his parents birthdays and anniversary leaving flowers. He goes alone. He says they are not good times for him but he feels he has to go. I know his birthday is the day his sister was murdered and that’s what he remembers every year.
I don’t know how I would come through that. That’s why I let a lot of stuff slide with him. I can’t fault him for it because we are all just human beings trying to do the best we can with the tools at our disposal. There aren’t too many guides out there so a lot is relying on yourself.
Yeah, he’s bitter sometimes. When I was first getting to know him, he hurt my feelings a few times. But guess what? I grew a thicker skin because of knowing him. It is not quite as easy for people to get under my skin as it was in my younger years.
About 7 years ago, I emailed him “Good morning!” as is usual for me. He came back with “What the fuk is so good about it?”
Ok, we talk like that to each other sometimes. So I laughed and emailed him back all the things he should be happy about. TPL came back with a reply that was full of so much venom that if words could kill I wouldn‘t be alive to write this. I can’t remember what was in it because I only read it once. I hit delete and empty. Shook my head and went about my day.
I was sick of his crap and I wasn’t about to take it. I had drama going on in my own life at the time and I had no clue why he dumped on me. We didn’t speak for 3 months.
Then one day he calls me up and says “Hey! What’s the shade?” That means, why haven’t I called. My reply was a noncommittal “What’s the shade with you?” And he told me.
See the day we stopped speaking was the day he ran into the man who helped his sister’s boyfriend dismember her. He was out of jail now and he thought it was just a fine and dandy idea to walk up to TPL and say “Hey man! How you doing?” Just like they were still the friends who had grown up together and he hadn’t cut TPL's sister up in pieces like she was meat.
He went through a lot during this period. He wanted to kill this man. And I don’t blame him. Had I known that I would have come back with something totally different than the sweet email I sent. He was hurting and most human beings lash out when they are hurting.
That was 7 years ago. We’ve both grown a lot in that time. We’ve matured, gotten smarter, and somewhat wiser and we know more of each other’s story so we are a lot more understanding of each other.
When his sister’s boyfriend/murderer got out of jail, the road was a little smoother. He was still in a foul mood but at least I knew why and I could deflect better.
Last month the BPD contacted him about the remains of a young woman’s body that they had reconstructed and asked him for DNA. We were really hopeful that it was her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her.
But this time instead of striking out at me he called me and we talked and we talked. And when it wasn’t her we talked some more.
All that to say, we are all fighting our own personal battles. He’s doing the best he can with the tools he has been given just like me. Anyone got a quick and dirty guide on how to deal with his type of pain? Yeah, didn’t think so.
If I had written him off 7 years ago, like everyone else wanted me to, he wouldn’t have been there to make me laugh when I had a horrible case of “I miss my mommy!” It was really pathetic. I was walking around the cemetery in tears, couldn’t find her grave and it just got uglier.
Yeah, I have friends who have lost their mothers but them heifers are a bunch of cry babies. They would have had a mope fest. TPL taught me how to laugh through the pain. And there is something that gets freed from my heart when I do find a true laugh in the midst of my pain. It makes the pain hurt less and my heart feel a little lighter. Speaking as someone who has cried themself to sleep due to emotional pain, I'll take the laughter every time.
He can email or text me and I can come back with “Bad day.” And he’ll stop what he is doing, pick up the phone and tell me some ridiculously funny story that will put the smile back in my stride. And I have learned how to be there and help him, too. Mostly I just shut up and listen. Sweet kind words are not what he is seeking.
Wow! Imagine what I would have given up if I had just given up on him.
BUT
...see how big that ‘but’ is? Wish I could make it bigger!
What I know is that he still gets jealous. He’s jealous at my ability to maintain friendships. He is jealous of my family life. And that is when he gets toxic. So I keeps him far away from those I wish to keep.
He is still a work in progress and so am I and so is everyone else.
I’m not saying keep everybody. Some people I had to let go for my own good. Like TFO. I still see her around and I am cordial. I learned from her, too, so truly I have no hard feelings against her and wish her the best. But as my supervisor said back when I cut her from my life, “She really could care less about you or your safety. People like that you don’t need in your life.”
Smooches babe! I let her kick rocks and ain’t looked back. *chuckle* But she has and so has TPL. We were a really fun threesome. But everything changes. Some things/people I kept and others I had to let go.
It’s mostly good though.
Quite simply becuz he makes me laugh. We are platonic friends and he makes me laugh. I have been told to kick him to the curb by my true friends. I thought about it but you know what? I know when my phone rings and I look down at caller ID and see his number I am about to laugh long and hard.
For that alone he has earned a place in my life and he is welcome to stay as long as he doesn’t turn toxic. And he can be.
Let me explain about TPL.
He is a person who believes that his life should be better than anyone else’s life. I have not guessed or surmised this with my superior (heh) intellect. He told me this himself. It took me a number of years to figure out that he will lie to make sure his life is better. I am just not sure if he believes the lie or not. *shrug*
True story: when gas prices first started to come down out of the stratosphere we were discussing the decline. I remarked that I had gassed up for $2.75/gal. He quipped in quick that gas on his side of town is $2.50/gal. I gave him a mean side eye and changed the subject. I watch the news and all the channels were once announcing where you could find the cheapest gas in town at that time it was $2.69/gal. It’s not good enough that he is getting something better. It has to be EXTRAORDINARILY better than whatever anyone else has. *smh and lqtms*
These lies get him through his day to day life, I guess, and I don’t have any need to call him on it. However, it has caused quite a number of people to fall away from him.
Our first lunch bunch back when I met him 10+ years ago was a multicultural group of 12+ of every skin color in the human rainbow. We would sit around that conference table and have a ball…until… *smh and frowning*
One day he told a blatant lie and tried to get me to back him in said lie, which I wouldn’t. But TPL has this knack of making people believe him. He gave everyone at the table a wise eye and said “Believe her if you want but I am telling you what I know.”
They all believed him. I shook my head and laughed cuz I didn’t see it as a personal attack. That was him flexing his power. Well the lie came to light as it usually does. Now this is how much he is liked until his lies are exposed, people tried to get mad at me.
I am one of the most easy going people you will ever meet until you try to pin a lie on me. Uh-uh! EPIC FAIL! I flipped and let the Project Bytch loose for a minute and reminded everyone pissed that I had told them that he was lying and that they, EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM CHOSE to believe him over me without trying to investigate the truth on their own.
Everyone got quiet cuz I am usually the quiet one and I had just laid down the truth on them and it couldn’t be denied.
Our lunch bunch dwindled down to a threesome almost immediately. People did not like his lies. And I understand that. You are having fun and you go home to friends and family and regale them with stories of TPL only to find out that they are either half truths or all lies.
I take TPL for the here and now. I don’t go spreading the stories he tells me around…unless they are just that darn funny. Then I always preface them with “According to TPL”. Then it’s up to the listener whether to believe or discount the story. But it is always a good laugh. It’s a rarity cuz you never know how much is truth and how much is pure fiction.
His toxic side is just this: He will systematically destroy any relationship you have in your life if you let him.
Yes, I speak from experience. But luckily for me the relationship he destroyed is not one that I needed to keep anyway. I keep him away from the ones I want to keep.
As I said, our lunch bunch dwindled down to three. Me, TPL, and The Fabulous One (TFO). Me and TFO had struck up a friendship before even meeting TPL. Then TPL joined our twosome and those were, for a while, some of the most fun times I had ever had.
I love my girlz (my true friends) but they are a handful of crying, happy, sad, angry, terrified, mixed up, messed up, fabulous, loving, caring, crazy azzed heifers. All that emotion they bring me is tiresome sometimes. With me, TPL, and TFO it was all fun and giggles in the beginning.
I was the ever faithful sidekick to those two stars *chuckle* It was kinda like high school except now I was a sidekick instead of marching to my own beat.
TFO and I were pretty tight before we met TPL. We watched him and learned. TFO was so good at picking out his lies and taught me how to catch on to them.
Long story short (maybe I'll go into it on another post) even though we were armed with the knowledge of how he destroys other people's interpersonal relationships we still could not stop the ultimate break up and destruction of our own friendship.
TPL is just that good. He should work for the CIA or somebody. If only they could harness his talent for good.
It took me a while to write this one. Then I was talking to My Obsession this weekend and I suddenly knew what I wanted to say. What I need to explain about TPL is why I accept him for who he is.
See, 19 years ago his little sister was murdered by her boyfriend. At the time, his mother was battling cancer. The murder and then the refusal of the murderer to tell them where he hid her body broke his mother’s spirit. His mother gave up her battle with Cancer. Then a little more than a year later his father followed his wife to the grave.
So in the space of two years he lost his little sister, mother and father. He lost his sister horribly. He had to sit through a trial where the witness described dismembering his little sister.
*blinking tears* I know he is at the cemetery for his parents birthdays and anniversary leaving flowers. He goes alone. He says they are not good times for him but he feels he has to go. I know his birthday is the day his sister was murdered and that’s what he remembers every year.
I don’t know how I would come through that. That’s why I let a lot of stuff slide with him. I can’t fault him for it because we are all just human beings trying to do the best we can with the tools at our disposal. There aren’t too many guides out there so a lot is relying on yourself.
Yeah, he’s bitter sometimes. When I was first getting to know him, he hurt my feelings a few times. But guess what? I grew a thicker skin because of knowing him. It is not quite as easy for people to get under my skin as it was in my younger years.
About 7 years ago, I emailed him “Good morning!” as is usual for me. He came back with “What the fuk is so good about it?”
Ok, we talk like that to each other sometimes. So I laughed and emailed him back all the things he should be happy about. TPL came back with a reply that was full of so much venom that if words could kill I wouldn‘t be alive to write this. I can’t remember what was in it because I only read it once. I hit delete and empty. Shook my head and went about my day.
I was sick of his crap and I wasn’t about to take it. I had drama going on in my own life at the time and I had no clue why he dumped on me. We didn’t speak for 3 months.
Then one day he calls me up and says “Hey! What’s the shade?” That means, why haven’t I called. My reply was a noncommittal “What’s the shade with you?” And he told me.
See the day we stopped speaking was the day he ran into the man who helped his sister’s boyfriend dismember her. He was out of jail now and he thought it was just a fine and dandy idea to walk up to TPL and say “Hey man! How you doing?” Just like they were still the friends who had grown up together and he hadn’t cut TPL's sister up in pieces like she was meat.
He went through a lot during this period. He wanted to kill this man. And I don’t blame him. Had I known that I would have come back with something totally different than the sweet email I sent. He was hurting and most human beings lash out when they are hurting.
That was 7 years ago. We’ve both grown a lot in that time. We’ve matured, gotten smarter, and somewhat wiser and we know more of each other’s story so we are a lot more understanding of each other.
When his sister’s boyfriend/murderer got out of jail, the road was a little smoother. He was still in a foul mood but at least I knew why and I could deflect better.
Last month the BPD contacted him about the remains of a young woman’s body that they had reconstructed and asked him for DNA. We were really hopeful that it was her. Unfortunately, it wasn’t her.
But this time instead of striking out at me he called me and we talked and we talked. And when it wasn’t her we talked some more.
All that to say, we are all fighting our own personal battles. He’s doing the best he can with the tools he has been given just like me. Anyone got a quick and dirty guide on how to deal with his type of pain? Yeah, didn’t think so.
If I had written him off 7 years ago, like everyone else wanted me to, he wouldn’t have been there to make me laugh when I had a horrible case of “I miss my mommy!” It was really pathetic. I was walking around the cemetery in tears, couldn’t find her grave and it just got uglier.
Yeah, I have friends who have lost their mothers but them heifers are a bunch of cry babies. They would have had a mope fest. TPL taught me how to laugh through the pain. And there is something that gets freed from my heart when I do find a true laugh in the midst of my pain. It makes the pain hurt less and my heart feel a little lighter. Speaking as someone who has cried themself to sleep due to emotional pain, I'll take the laughter every time.
He can email or text me and I can come back with “Bad day.” And he’ll stop what he is doing, pick up the phone and tell me some ridiculously funny story that will put the smile back in my stride. And I have learned how to be there and help him, too. Mostly I just shut up and listen. Sweet kind words are not what he is seeking.
Wow! Imagine what I would have given up if I had just given up on him.
BUT
...see how big that ‘but’ is? Wish I could make it bigger!
What I know is that he still gets jealous. He’s jealous at my ability to maintain friendships. He is jealous of my family life. And that is when he gets toxic. So I keeps him far away from those I wish to keep.
He is still a work in progress and so am I and so is everyone else.
I’m not saying keep everybody. Some people I had to let go for my own good. Like TFO. I still see her around and I am cordial. I learned from her, too, so truly I have no hard feelings against her and wish her the best. But as my supervisor said back when I cut her from my life, “She really could care less about you or your safety. People like that you don’t need in your life.”
Smooches babe! I let her kick rocks and ain’t looked back. *chuckle* But she has and so has TPL. We were a really fun threesome. But everything changes. Some things/people I kept and others I had to let go.
It’s mostly good though.
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